3383: The Honeymoon Phase of Early Retirement by Leif of Physician on FIRE on Finding Purpose in Retirement

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Optimal Finance Daily – Financial Independence and Money Advice
Episode: 3383 — "The Honeymoon Phase of Early Retirement"
Author: Leif of Physician on FIRE
Host: Diania Merriam
Date: December 11, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode explores the emotional journey of early retirement, focusing on the "honeymoon phase"—the initial period of excitement and novelty—and how early retirees can best prepare for and transition beyond it. Leif of Physician on FIRE shares personal experiences and insights into the psychological phases following early retirement, emphasizing the importance of finding ongoing purpose and fulfillment. Host Diania Merriam expands on these ideas by reflecting on her own relationship with work, achievement, and self-worth.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Honeymoon Phase: The Emotional High

• Retirement parallels newlywed life:
  Leif compares the early days of retirement to the honeymoon phase of marriage—filled with romance, excitement, and undistracted focus on new freedom. ([01:23])
• Initial burst of activity:
  The opening months are characterized by tackling everything on your retirement to-do list with enthusiasm (cleaning, planning, reconnecting with people, etc.).
• Routine and Loss of Novelty:
  "[...] after a few months, these activities become routine. Maybe they don’t provide the same happiness you were looking for." (Leif, [02:53])
• The emotional climax:
  Retirement day is highly anticipated, and emotions are at a peak, but, “You have no idea how you’ll feel the next day. Probably not that much different.” (Leif, [02:07])

2. Shifting from Honeymoon to Reality

• Predictable emotional progression:
  The honeymoon fades, replaced by normalcy and questions about what comes next.
• Emergence of negative emotions:
  For Leif, the honeymoon ended “when fear reared its ugly head.” (Leif, [03:47])
• Feelings of disenchantment and boredom:
  “That ‘is this it’ phase kicks in after a few months. How am I going to spend the next 30-plus years?” (Leif, [06:02])

3. Navigating Post-Honeymoon: The Big Questions

• Fear isn't (just) about money:
  “Fear is likely a result of wondering if you have enough—not enough money. Maybe enough joy, happiness, potential fulfillment. Is that boredom creeping in? No, worse. It’s fear.” (Leif, [06:12])
• Translating non-financial fears into financial concerns:
  Leif notes retirees often disguise existential fears by obsessing over financial spreadsheets, even when money is sufficient.
• The power of mindset:
  Choose “the abundance mindset rather than the scarcity one, and you might find that you need fewer spreadsheets to keep track of your joy.” (Leif, [08:14])

4. Adapting and Rediscovering Purpose

• The importance of pivoting:
  “If that doesn’t work, pivot, keep trying. All you have is time [...] You pivot, you adapt to new circumstances.” (Leif, [06:54], [07:18])
• Seeking fulfillment in new ways:
  The path forward involves identifying sources of “flow” and fulfillment, just as one would in earlier life phases.

5. Host’s Reflections: The Universal Nature of the Honeymoon Phase

• Parallels to any major life goal:
  Diania Merriam ties the post-honeymoon letdown to any big accomplishment, not just retirement—“Initially it’s thrilling and you have so much energy to bask in the glory of your achievement. But over time you might realize that the pursuit of the goal could have been distracting you from some deeper work.” ([10:38])
• Self-worth and identity beyond productivity:
  “I’m being forced to base my self-worth on more solid ground. While it hasn’t been easy for me, I do believe this kind of personal development will benefit me in the long run.” (Diania, [11:07])
• New questions in open time:
  She highlights the existential questions brought on by more free time: “How do I want to spend my time? Who do I want to spend that time with? [...] What is my purpose?” (Diania, [11:23])

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On the fading of excitement:
  “It’s the feeling of honeymoon that fades in early retirement. The excitement, the anticipation is gone, routines are set. And what’s next? More emotions, for sure.”
  — Leif ([03:11])

• On reaching the ‘Is this it?’ feeling:
  “When the honeymoon phase of early retirement is over, people often have feelings of disenchantment and boredom. That ‘is this it’ phase kicks in after a few months.”
  — Leif ([06:00])

• On handling strong emotions:
  "You'll be emotional when the honeymoon phase of early retirement ends. You thought you were prepared and you are. But when you get there... Wait, where did this flood of emotions come from?"
  — Leif ([06:30])

• On adapting to change:
  “How do you adjust to life when it changes? You pivot, you adapt to new circumstances. Early retirement is a time of change. A massive change.”
  — Leif ([07:17])

• On abundance mindset and fulfillment:
  “Choose the abundance mindset rather than the scarcity one and you might find that you need fewer spreadsheets to keep track of your joy.”
  — Leif ([08:14])

• On personal development after achievement:
  “The pursuit of the goal could have been distracting you from some deeper work. That’s the personal development stuff, the unresolved stuff, the self worth stuff that isn’t solved by more money in the bank.”
  — Diania ([10:41])

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Important Timestamps

• [01:23] – Introduction of the honeymoon analogy for retirement
• [02:53] – When retirement activities become routine
• [03:47] – End of the honeymoon phase and onset of fear
• [06:00] – Description of disenchantment and boredom
• [06:54] – The pivot and adapting to new circumstances
• [07:17] – How to adjust when big life changes hit
• [08:14] – Abundance mindset vs. scarcity mindset
• [10:38] – Host’s reflection: Emotions after achieving big goals
• [11:07] – Re-examining self-worth beyond productivity
• [11:23] – The universally tough question: “What is my purpose?”

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Summary Takeaways

• The "honeymoon phase" in early retirement mirrors the excitement and eventual normalization seen in major life milestones like marriage.
• After the initial burst of activity and joy, retirees may struggle with boredom, disenchantment, and existential fears—often disguised as financial worries.
• Achieving financial independence or any large goal can prompt unexpected emotional challenges and personal development opportunities.
• The keys to thriving post-honeymoon are ongoing adaptation, finding new sources of purpose, and embracing an abundance mindset.
• More time can bring deeper questions: “How do I want to spend my time, and who with? What is my purpose?”
• As Diania emphasizes: true fulfillment, self-worth, and purpose aren’t solved by numbers in a spreadsheet, but by the meaning we create in our post-retirement lives.

Transcript

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This is Optimal Finance Daily the Honeymoon Phase of Early Retirement by Leif, a physician on fire.com.

Many newly wedded couples go out on a honeymoon. It's a special vacation, usually after the wedding, that features romance, connection and in many cases letting the world drop away so that the couple can focus on each other. The non vacation parts of the honeymoon can last for months or even years after the wedding as the couple takes special pleasure in being married and being united. After a while, for many couples, the honeymoon dissipates and being married becomes the new normal, the thing you're used to. It's not new and novel anymore. Can retirement work the same way? In today's post we explore this honeymoon phase for early retirees. The first several months of early retirement are the honeymoon phase. While it can be a little different for each early retiree, once you finally break the chains, there's a sequence of emotions you go through that mark the first several months as unique. What is that sequence of emotions you can expect to go through in early retirement? And how might the honeymoon phase of early retirement be best used as a springboard to continued growth? Emotions peak on retirement day. This is that day you've thought about for a long time. Retirement day. You've been saying goodbye for what seems like forever now. You have no idea how you'll feel the next day. Probably not that much different after all. We're a progress and success driven lot. Always on the next Best thing, we're used to transitions as we rotate in med school and residency. Then you hit your career and likely at some point you said, is this all there is? And you retired. We all have different reasons to retire, but all early retirement is the same. I think the honeymoon phase ended when fear reared its ugly head. But before we get there, what is the honeymoon phase of early retirement? We have an idea of the things we'll do when we retire and you attack those things with gusto. Me first. I cleaned out every space in the house and barn. I follow the Pareto principle with my cleaning, so I'll admit I need to go back through again. But not day after day for weeks on end this time. So you have an idea of the people you'll see and the activities you'll plan. But after a few months, these activities become routine. Maybe they don't provide the same happiness you were looking for. Yes, doing laundry for the first time in a few years was fun. A few times. Then as I was worried, resentment towards my family crept in. But that's for a different blog. This this is a little different than a honeymoon where you go away after your wedding for a couple of weeks and then return to real life. Kid, the real life you're returning to is retirement. So the honeymoon is forever. It's the feeling of honeymoon that fades in early retirement. The excitement, the anticipation is gone, routines are set. And what's next? More emotions for sure. Which emotions? Those will be yours to feel. What's next after the honeymoon phase of early retirement? After the honeymoon phase, you have the big decision phase, navigating longevity phase and.

[A]

The solo journey phase.

[B]

What comes next with the big decision phase? This is all about purpose and maintenance of what brings you joy. I bet purpose underlines all major phases though. Coughlin thinks the honeymoon phase is more about ambiguity in work, family and your role in retirement. I retired into sequence risk, which gave me plenty to think about as far as money's concerned. But money wasn't the issue. After four months, I figured out I was suffering from chronic burnout for most of the last 20 years. So finally, let's get back to the emotion one might feel at the end of the honeymoon phase of early retirement. What's after the honeymoon in retirement? When the honeymoon phase of early retirement is over, people often have feelings of disenchantment and boredom. That is this it phase kicks in after a few months. How am I going to spend the next 30 plus years? This is important and the real issue here. What are you afraid of? Fear In Retirement? What are you afraid of in early retirement? No, I'm not talking money. Now you retired early, you got the money figured out. But wait a moment. Is it about the money? I think some people turn their non financial retirement issues into financial ones. But that's a pretty easy solution because you either did or did not save enough for retirement. Fortunately, the folks I deal with have over saved. Thus there's a high risk of non financial problems spilling over into spreadsheets. Fear is likely a result of wondering if you have enough not enough money. Maybe enough joy, happiness, potential fulfillment. Is that boredom creeping in? No, worse.

[A]

It's fear.

[B]

Fear or some other strong negative emotion. You'll be emotional when the honeymoon phase of early retirement ends. You thought you were prepared and you are. But when you get there. Wait, where did this flood of emotions come from? You did not expect such a response to your new routine life that it would affect you in a flood of emotion. How can you answer the question?

[A]

Is this it?

[B]

Here's the pivot. If that doesn't work, pivot, keep trying. All you have is time, fear and the honeymoon phase of early retirement. So you'll go through an adjustment phase in early retirement called the honeymoon phase. With it, you have additional emotional baggage to work through. The sort you missed with the high emotions of actual early retirement. You retire and things go well for a while, then they don't.

[A]

That's life.

[B]

The honeymoon phase is marked by a sign. You feel the surge of unprocessed emotions come back to you. Is this all there is? How do you adjust to life when it changes? You pivot, you adapt to new circumstances. Early retirement is a time of change. A massive change. Keep digging into what brought you moments of flow and earlier phases of life. Keep bringing those back. As I help other people transition to early retirement, what do I see in them? They're putting their non financial fears in spreadsheets. What do I see in myself? Luckily, I don't like spreadsheets. I'll admit I felt fear during my honeymoon phase of early retirement. It's not about the money. It's about finding fulfillment in the next 40 years. Choose the abundance mindset rather than the scarcity one and you might find that you need fewer spreadsheets to keep track of your joy.

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Apply to reaching any big goal.

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Initially it's thrilling and you have so much energy to bask in the glory of your achievement. But over time you might realize that the pursuit of the goal could have been distracting you from some deeper work. That's the personal development stuff, the unresolved stuff, the self worth stuff that isn't solved by more money in the bank. More time and space in your life allows for more awareness. And sometimes that awareness is confronting. While I'm not traditionally retired, working less has made it abundantly clear to me how much of my self esteem is tied up in productivity and completing tasks. With less on my plate to accomplish, I'm being forced to base my self worth on more solid ground. While it hasn't been easy for me. I do believe this kind of personal development will benefit me in the long run. Some of life's tough questions start to loom when you have more free time. How do I want to spend my time? How do I sort through the seemingly endless options? Who do I want to spend that time with, and what do I want to create? What is my purpose? That right there is one of those questions that can take a lifetime to answer, and that should do it for today. Thank you for being a subscriber to the show. Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow. Where optimal life awaits.