Summary4 min read

Podcast Summary: Optimal Finance Daily, Episode 3490

Title: Cook the Negativity by Keith Wilson on Working Through Negativity
Host: Diania Merriam (Episode narrates post via Optimal Relationships Daily / Greg Audino)
Date: March 15, 2026

Overview

This episode of Optimal Finance Daily presents an inspiring essay, "Cook the Negativity" by Keith Wilson of KeithWilsonCounseling.com, narrated by Greg Audino from the sister podcast Optimal Relationships Daily. The episode explores how our negativity bias can hinder personal growth and happiness, and presents a practical, metaphorical approach to transforming negative experiences into healing and empowerment. Keith Wilson uses the analogy of building and cooking with a fire to illustrate how small positive moments can be harnessed to overcome adversity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Power of Negativity Bias

Humans learn faster from negative experiences than positive ones; this is evolutionarily adaptive, but can skew our perspective and blind us to the good in our lives.
People tend to focus on their flaws or failures and overlook exceptions or small wins, especially in challenging times or therapy.

Quote:
“The stick is more damaging than the carrot is enticing. There's a good reason for that. If you get whacked hard enough by the stick, it won't matter how many carrots you have.”
— Keith Wilson (01:35)

The “Cooking” Analogy for Change

Step 1: Gather Kindling—Notice Exceptions

Positive change begins by identifying small, positive exceptions to a negative behavior or pattern, rather than overwhelming oneself with large goals.
These “kindling” moments are minor victories: a rare smile for someone with depression, brief bravery for the anxious, kindness in conflict.

Quote:
“You don't need a big honking piece of wood to get your fire started... All you need is a small exception, a minor victory. Something you might not notice.”
— Keith Wilson (03:05)

Step 2: Ignite the Kindling—Mindful Attention

Focus consciously on these positive moments—give them your attention and let them stand out.

Step 3: Add Fuel—Enrich and Amplify

Sustain the positive feeling longer. Make it “a multimedia experience”—laugh if you smiled, stand tall if you acted bravely, notice any new sensations or relief.

Step 4: Feel the Warmth—Absorb the Good

Let the positive experience soak in, changing brain pathways and making future positivity easier to access.

Step 5: Cook—Transforming Negativity

Once the “fire” is strong, “cook” the negative experience by holding the positive and negative together in your mind.
Over time, the positive association will soothe and help assimilate the negative, even if it’s deep-seated trauma or longstanding guilt.

Quote:
“When you cook something you are generally taking something that is not very good, something unpalatable, tasteless and indigestible, and turning it into something that sustains life and tastes great. It's magical if you think about it.”
— Keith Wilson (05:05)

A Real-Life Example:

Keith shares a story about a man with a deep sense of unlovability from childhood trauma. Despite feeling unworthy of love, he gradually found healing by focusing on the single exception—the love from his son—and then allowed that positive experience to transform his self-perception.

Quote:
“When he built a fire from it and permitted himself to have a positive experience, enrich it, absorb it, and link it to the negativity, then he was able to heal.”
— Keith Wilson (06:20)

The HEAL Acronym

H: Have a positive experience
E: Enrich it
A: Absorb it
L: Link the positive to the negative memories

“When he put the positive experience of being loved by his son together with the negative experience of being abused, he did heal. Being loved once changed everything.”
— Keith Wilson (06:50)

Host (Greg Audino) Commentary & Takeaways (08:32)

Balancing Act: Greg reflects on the power of balancing positive and negative perspectives and the importance of seeking out “powerful exceptions” to our usual negative stories.
Self-Work is Key: While counselors help, developing this practice independently yields lasting change, as negativity bias is persistent.

Quote:
“It's really a skill we need to cultivate on our own to the best of our abilities. So a very important post from Keith today—one that I particularly urge you not to just breeze past.”
— Greg Audino (08:45)

Memorable Moments & Timestamps

01:35 — The impact of negativity versus positivity in learning
03:05 — Identifying kindling: recognizing small, positive exceptions
05:05 — The metaphor of "cooking" negativity for healing
06:20 — Real-life example of transforming pain with love
06:50 — The HEAL acronym
08:32 — Host's reflections and takeaway message

Summary

Keith Wilson’s “Cook the Negativity” reframes how we confront, manage, and ultimately transform negative experiences. By gathering and amplifying small positive exceptions, enriching and absorbing them, and finally linking them to our negative patterns, meaningful healing and personal growth become possible. Both Wilson and the host urge listeners to practice this process regularly, as a means to balance their mental and emotional narratives, and move more confidently toward healing, self-forgiveness, and empowerment.

Loading summary

Transcript10 lines

[00:00]
A
When you're ready to start a business, there's so much more to it than just filing paperwork. You need a business address, a website, a phone number, an operating agreement. Basically a complete business identity. And Northwest Registered Agent helps you build all of that from day one. Northwest Registered Agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow businesses for nearly 30 years. They're the largest registered agent and LLC service in the US with over 1500 corporate guides. Real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business every step of the way. Plus your home address, personal email and phone number. Stay private. No upsells, no selling your data. Don't pay hundreds or thousands of dollars for what you can get from Northwest for free. Visit northwestregisteredagent.com ofdfree and start using free resources to build something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent@northwestregisteredagent.com ofdfree welcome back to our Sunday bonus episode where I share an article with you from a different podcast in our network. Today's episode coming from Optimal Relationships Daily. So with that, here's Greg with the post and commentary as we optimize your life.
[01:26]
B
Cook the Negativity by Keith Wilson of KeithWilsonCounseling.com youm learn a lot quicker from negative experiences than you do from positive ones. The stick is more damaging than the carrot is enticing. There's a good reason for that. If you get whacked hard enough by the stick, it won't matter how many carrots you have. But the result is that you will continuously look for bad news, zero in on the negativity, and and lose sight of the big picture. You take for granted all the blessings you have, are ignorant of your resources and blind to grace. When people come in for counseling, they can often see all their problems very clearly. They can talk for hours about the terrible things that happen to them, the effect the problems have on them and why they can't change. They make the same mistakes over and over again and believe that if only they could feel badly enough about themselves and they would do differently. They don't. Heaping guilt upon themselves and reproaching others does nothing other than burden them with guilt and anger. It does nothing to free them. When I see people in counseling, I'm always on the lookout for the exception to the problems presented to me. If you have problems with your anger, I want you to know as much about the times you did not have an outburst as the times you did. If you are addicted, I want to Know about the times you found another way to cope. If you're in for marriage counseling, I want to know when you get along. This is not just because I like to look on the sunny side of things or whistle in the dark or don't take your concerns seriously. I do this because I like to cook. If you're going to change and live a more hope filled life, you will have to learn to cook too. It's easy. Just follow the steps. First, gather kindling. To cook, you need a fire. To start your fire, you're going to need kindling. Find some dry leaves, some twigs, a little bark. You don't need a big honking piece of wood to get your fire started. As a matter of fact, it's better if you don't try to ignite one directly. All you need is a small exception, a minor victory. Something you might not notice. Notice the exceptions to the behavior you want to change. If you are usually depressed, notice the few times you manage to smile. If you're anxious, find when you are brave. Don't let these instances pass unnoticed. They'll all get your fire started. Ignite the kindling. The next step is to ignite the fire. You do this by calling your own attention to the exceptional occurrence. Focus on it a little bit. If you are depressed, be more mindful of that. Smile. If you are anxious, don't let your bravery fade into the background. Add fuel now. Add fuel to the fire. Sustain the positive experience a few seconds longer. Cherish it in your mind. Let the experience be as intense as possible. Make it a multimedia experience. If you've smiled, then laugh. If you stood up for someone, then actually stand up. Put out your chest and strengthen your spine. Look for what is new in this experience. Does a feeling of relief follow closely behind? Are you relaxed? Is your heart beating slower? Let the experience, no matter how minor it might be, matter. Call it the first step, a new beginning. Feel the warmth. Next, put out your hands and feel the warmth of the fire you built. Absorb the experience. Let it sink in. This will prime and sensitize your neural networks. It will create an actual change in the brain. The pathways of delight will be easier to find. The road to responsibility will be clearly mapped there. You've built the fire and are enjoying it. It's already making a change in your life. It's warming you up, giving you cheer, signaling help. Frightening the wild animals away. You could stop there and it would be complete. But you don't have to stop. You can use your fire to cook. Cook. When you cook something you are generally taking something that is not very good, something unpalatable, tasteless and indigestible, and turning it into something that sustains life and tastes great. It's magical if you think about it. So you have some negativity in your life. A disappointment, a betrayal, a despair. Take it and apply it to the fire you built. Hold both the positive and the negative together in your mind. The positive will begin to associate with the negative, and if you've built up your fire enough will begin to overwhelm the negative. The positive will start to soothe, reduce and replace the negativity. Here's an I knew a guy who was abused as a child and developed this belief that he was unlovable. He could come up with a million examples of how he was incapable of being loved, but he could only come up with one example of how he was loved. He had a son who looked up to him and wanted him to be around. That was enough. It wasn't enough at first, because he dismissed the love he felt from his son as childish. But when he built a fire from it and permitted himself to have a positive experience, enrich it, absorb it, and link it to the negativity, then he was able to heal. Would you look at that? It's an acronym. H. Have a positive experience E. Enrich it A. Absorb it. L. Link the positive experience to the negative memories. It spells Heal. When he put the positive experience of being loved by his son together with the negative experience of being abused, he did heal. Being loved once changed everything. The abuse of the past took on a new meaning, one that deepened and strengthened the love of the present. You just listened to the post titled Cook the Negativity by Keith Wilson of KeithWilsonCounseling.com Carvana is so easy. Just a click and we've got ourselves a car. See so many cars.
[07:40]
C
That's a clicktastic inventory.
[07:42]
B
And check out the financing option payments
[07:44]
C
to fit our budget.
[07:45]
B
I mean, that's Clickonomics 101 delivery to our door.
[07:49]
C
Just a hop, skip and a click
[07:51]
B
away and bought no better feeling than
[07:54]
C
when everything just clicks. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply. This episode is brought to you by indeed. Stop waiting around for the perfect candidate. Instead, use Indeed Sponsored Jobs to find the right people with the right skills. Skills fast. It's a simple way to make sure your listing is the first candidate C According to Indeed data, Sponsored Jobs have four times more applicants than non sponsored jobs. So go build your dream team today with Indeed. Get a $75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com podcast terms and conditions apply.
[08:32]
B
And thanks a lot to Keith, who always has such a creative and relatable way of writing that makes his concepts really easy to follow. All I can say is that I really hope posts like this can be taken seriously and re read over and over again by those in need. Keith makes such wonderful and truthful points about the balancing act, if you will, of acknowledging good alongside bad, powerful exceptions alongside what we consider to be norms. It can be challenging to realize just how much validity there is behind that which goes against the grain of what we tell ourselves, but it's an essential process towards healing. Counselors like Keith are a great resource for helping us to do this, but because of how large the negativity bias looms over us, it's really a skill we need to cultivate on our own to the best of our abilities. So a very important post from Keith today, one of the ones we've read that I particularly urge you not to just breeze past. And on that note, it is time to say goodbye for today. Go put Keith's words to practice in your own life and stretch your ideas of what you are capable of. I will be back tomorrow with two short posts to start our parenting leg of the week, so come on back for some great material and where your optimal life awaits.