Andrea Taylor (5:52)
He had a church there. And in his sermon, he introduced the concept of string theory. And very long ago that this happened. But if memory serves, in that explanation, he was sort of connecting, you know, these sort of nanoprecise things that aren't visible to us, but that we know and their resonance and how they interact with each other, and then connecting that to, like, a broader creation story almost. I'm taking a long way in saying that the perspective that I had that was definitely shaped by my dad, my parents, and then later on, you know, getting an education is that creation is intentional. And that, you know, maybe the language I have of God, you know, that's the tradition I was raised and grown with. But I do think that whether you call it God or, you know, Allah or whatever the name for it is. I don't feel like it's a contradiction with science at all. In fact, I feel like the more science reveals, the more it reveals how expansive the universe is. And it doesn't feel like it's in conflict for me, you know, my faith is not something that is a gatekeeping system. And I think that, that it comes in, in the story because it was something that helped me stop feeling powerless and something that I could replace my fear with, if that makes sense. This occurred right when Covid was still fairly new and all of us were trying to figure out how to respond to this, you know, semi apocalyptic event impacting everyone everywhere. So certainly in a state of uncertainty, you know, perpetual anxiety and trying to hold on to the little things, like, you know, the rare visits to family that we could actually engage in. It occurred actually the event itself on Christmas Eve. My husband had been really sick with COVID and because we didn't have vaccines yet, he quarantined himself in our bedroom. We have a small home in Oakland, so I had to sleep out in our couch in our living room for several days on that point. And I mean, thank goodness I have a comfortable place to sleep, but I really wanted to sleep in a real bed. So I had this, you know, this sort of mix of sentiments of feelings that I was feeling, like the stress of just being in a pandemic and the stress of how people were responding. And it seemed to bring out our worst impulses as human beings. I was just really looking forward to visiting my family. Just my family, you know, taking all of the precautions, the social distancing, etc. So they were in Yuba City, which is around three and a half hours or so drive from Oakland, and I went by myself and I was, you know, in parallel to being excited to see my family even, you know, through the social distance mechanisms, I was so desperate. Like I was, I was fixated, totally fixated on having a big ass bed to sleep in. Like, I was so stoked, you know, it's just like a random. I can't even remember the hotel. It was either Marriott or something like that. So just, you know, really straightforward, a franchise hotel. But that king size bed was really calling my name. It was like almost part of the reason I was doing this visit was just to sleep in a big bed. And of course because I didn't want to stay with my family, not only considering Covid precautions, but also because it would just mean sleeping on another couch. And at that point I was like, no more couches for me. I need a king size bed. So I booked that hotel and I spent Christmas Eve with them. I booked the hotel and I had not gone there to drop off my luggage or whatever. I booked the hotel and then I. But I went straight to my family's house, left around 10 or 11, very excited to sleep in a bed for the first time in many days. The hotel itself was in Marysville, which is just right outside Yuba City. And like I said, it was pretty generic. Definitely in, I guess this, what would qualify as the quote, seedier, end quote part of the town. And when I came into the lobby late on Christmas Eve, there was what I, who I think I assumed must be a guest or maybe like a friend of the front desk because he was just kind of, this guy was just hanging out at the desk, drinking from a bottle of whiskey, which, no judgment there, man, like, drink your whiskey. Have a great Christmas Eve. He was chatting with the front desk agent. Seemed fine, but when I came in and started to do my check in and everything, he was trying to talk to me while I was checking in with the front desk agent. And then, you know, I'm sort of just like, oh, yeah, yeah, cool, right? Not, not really committing to a conversation, but not trying to be rude either. But he followed me as I went to go to the elevator and then he went on the elevator to the same floor I was going to. So I did this thing. He was pretty drunk, so I was like, it should be easy to shake this guy. And fortunately he was right. But I was like, oh man, I have the wrong room. You know what, I'm just going to take the stairs. I could use some exercise. And I kind of like quickly went to the end of the hallway and then went up the stairs, stayed in that elevator or, excuse me, the stairwell for God, I don't know, five minutes or so. And then I kind of peeked. I opened the door and peeked out at the hallway and thankfully he was gone. So after that little like, you know, subversive behavior, I then went to my room and was excited to get a night's sleep, a good night's sleep. I mean, it had to be like 11, like closing in on midnight at that point. And you know, I'm a baby, I need to go bed at like 10 o'. Clock. You know, I was, I was feeling exhaustion and irritation when I opened the hotel door itself, like right outside of the door, opened the door and I mean, I tell you, as soon as I Stepped foot into that hotel room, like I said, there was just this feeling that something was really off. I've had this feeling before, you know, this is not a new experience for me. So I was familiar with the sensitivity. And I was like, oh, shit. You know, and in an effort to like, calm myself down, I'm like, girl, you're just. You were tired, you know, you had to deal with this drunk guy. That was annoying. Just get into the room. This will go away. You know, take shower and enjoy that big ass bed in the corner. But as I started to go into the room and, I mean, this was all going in my head. I had not yet even fully stepped into the room. I was like kind of frozen there at the threshold for a second with all of these sensations and thoughts going through my mind. And as I was trying to convince myself and then going into the room and doing, you know what we all do. Find a place for your suitcase, take off your shoes, your jacket, whatever. The sense that feeling that I was hoping would just fade, it got sharper and more specific. It really felt like I was being watched. And as much as I tried to. To deny it, I knew this was not just like leftover irritation. It felt like there was something glaring at me. You know, if you've ever been glared at by somebody who just hates your guts, which unfortunately I've experienced a couple times, felt very much like that. It is a sensation that almost has like a. Like a tangible quality to it, you know, trying to ignore this sensation and sort of even just subconsciously justify it. I set my suitcase down, I got out the things that I need to take a shower, the pajamas I was going to change into. When I went into the bathroom and turned on the light, that sense of unease grew. And I remember the. The bathtub or the shower area had a curtain. And I remember when I pulled the curtain across the bathtub, feeling really uneasy, kind of like like the movie Psycho, right? I was just like, somebody's on the other side of that curtain. This, this. Which is ridiculous, right? Obviously there's no one here. I. The room is not that big. I have used my eyes and determined that. But it just, it was almost that like, primal fear that like, if I open this curtain, something might be right there looking at me. So again, I ignore it. I. I like to. I like to sing. So I'm always singing like a little dumb tune to myself. So I started sort of humming. So I come out of the bathroom and the room when you. The bathroom was like the first thing immediately when you open the door, it is on the immediate left. And then you walk into the room and there is a couch there. There's like a little coffee table. And then on the other side is the dresser, tv, et cetera. And then deeper into the room on the left side is the bed. So that's kind of how everything was situated. There was a really weird stain on the floor when I walked in, too. I noticed that. I have no idea if it is at all related, but I remember being put off by that, too. Like. Like, if you spilled a lot of coffee on the floor, like, not just a coffee cup, but like, maybe a whole coffee container. So it's kind of brown, dark. And, you know, of course, in that sense of unease, my mind went to, is that blood? But I was like, that's ridiculous. Settle the fuck down. Like, that's not blood. They would not give you a hotel room with blood in it. But it was a noticeable stain, and I was kind of annoyed at it because, you know, I wanted a nice room. So it's fine if the bed. Like, I was looking over the bed. I'm like, that bed that looks perfectly clean. That is literally all I care about. I'm just going to let this go. That was like my obsessive focus at that point was the bed. So, yeah, so coming out of the bedroom, walking towards the bed. And it was at that point when I was walking towards the bed, you know, all nice and clean in my pajamas, but very much distracted because it was at that stage where that sensation, that sense of unease and like I was being watched became more directional and even more distinct. It felt like as I approached the bed, you know, now the couch and the coffee table, etcetera, Those are behind me to my left. It really felt like it was coming from that direction specifically.
