Mitch (4:42)
My name is Mitch. I live in Portland, Oregon. I've been in Portland since leaving high school. I love it in Portland. I don't ever see myself leaving. I grew up in eastern Oregon in a small rural town. Farming economy, you know, railroad economy. And that's where I spent my time growing up, you know, primarily in the same house, just a little ways out of town with my religious Mormon family. So growing up was, you know, really intense. Mormonism has its pros and cons for sure. Not for me now, but I'm a much different person than I was growing up. You know, I'm much older now. Obviously I'm gay, not religious, practicing at all. And so it is a stark contrast to, you know, how I was growing up as a kid. You know, every Mormon kid, when they're eight years old, they get baptized and it's like a big commitment because the bishop sits you down and he's like, you know, every mistake that you make now it's your fault. And if you don't repent for it, you know, God's going to remember that. I was a pretty like precocious little kid and I Remember taking that so seriously. But, you know, you just don't have the language for that growing up, you know, especially where, you know, your whole community is Mormon, your family's Mormon. You know, through my parents, you know, I have roots back to Joseph Smith. Like, one of the many wives was my, like, was my ancestors. So, like, my family's deeply rooted in Mormonism. So I just didn't have the language to say no. So, like, growing up, I was like, well, I made a promise. I have to be a good kid. So, you know, I was very, very focused on not making mistakes. So I was a very high strung little kid, you know, really, really did my best to kind of do the squeaky clean Mormon boy. And that's what I did through most of high school. I tried to come out to my family when I was 14. That didn't really work out. So I just kind of like sucked it in. And I was like, well, just keep on carrying on. When you're out of the house, you can go and live your life. And I think it was the end of my junior year, beginning of my senior year, when being able to pretend and live my life created a big internal conflict. That's where I really did kind of start stepping away from Mormonism and kind of leaving that armor of God, so to speak, that just kind of protection you have, you know, where you're following the rules, there's really nothing bad that can happen to you because you're, you know, in line with God's plan. So I think it was that kind of like, misalignment that really kind of did cause like, just a lot of emotional strife and like, I think, you know, opened me up to. I was just really vulnerable at that time, I think is what it all comes down to. I was really vulnerable. The summer before my senior year of high school, I moved to Georgia and I was working with a pest control company, selling pest control door to door. And it was really cool to live in Georgia, really be on my own, you know, I don't know how I got my parents to agree to let me do this, but I did. And I think that was like, I think really stepping outside of just the insular world that I grew up in, you know, inside of the church, where I really was able to kind of step out of myself a little bit and kind of see the person I wanted to be and how it really wasn't in line with the strict teachings that I grew up with. Coming back to Oregon, you know, my parents were like, it's gonna be Strict, you know, you've got a bedtime again, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what I signed up for. But that fall I moved down to the creepy basement of the house. Both my brother and I did. We had two rooms side by side. And my brother, he's. He's two years younger than me. We were really close growing up, but I can't remember exactly when I started seeing these handprints, these child sized handprints on the sliding glass door of our basement. It's just to the right outside of my, my basement room. And I thought it was really weird, but my mom, she was always doing, you know, stuff with the church ladies, had friends that had small kids. And I remember asking her, I was like, mom, did you have like, you know, sister so and so over with her kids, over? And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about. I was like, well, there's these handprints on the window. She goes, oh, that's weird. I don't know what those are. And so I like, I would clean them off and I remember showing them to my brother and I was like, Austin, like, what are these handprints for? You know? And he's like, I don't know, I don't care. You know, he. We were both kind of like ambivalent about it. And I think this went on, I think for a few weeks, maybe like a month. But I ended up finding out, I think, where these handprints came from. I was sleeping one night. I've always been a really active dreamer. I remember like being able to lucid dream at a young age too. And I just thought that was really wild. I've always had a very like vivid dream life, both my brother and I have. And we would always share our dreams back and forth, you know, in the morning, like, oh, what did you dream? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I remember this one night, my brother and I, in the dream, we were in our parents room, which was upstairs on their big bed. And we were just sitting on the bed, like playing or hanging out. And I remember turning and seeing this small boy. And he was maybe five or six, short, pale dark hair. I think he was wearing a white, like a loose white shirt. And he walked towards the bed. There was no like facial expressions that I remember, but he had these intense golden yellow, ambery eyes, like glowing jaundice eyes. And I felt immediately protective of my brother. And I positioned myself on the bed between my brother and the strange small boy. And all he did was stare at me and was just walking up towards the bed. And he went to get onto the bed and I pushed him off and I said, no, you can't be here. It was really weird, like this, like, protective feeling I had and just knowing that this boy should not be here. He came out the bed again, you know, not saying anything, but staring at me with these very unsettling yellow eyes. And he walked towards the bed again to climb up on the bed. I pushed him back again and I said, no, you can't be here. But the boy didn't go away. And he stood in the room and he would just stand and stare and I was filled with dread. And he stood in the middle of the room and then just looked at me and then ran out down the hallway. And I knew I had to get him out of the house. So I turned to my brother and I was like, I need to go find that boy. He's not supposed to be here. I need to get him out of the house. So I climb off the bed and I walk down the hallway, like, looking for this boy. I didn't see him, but I heard a thudding noise that was coming from the bathroom. And so I turned to the left into the bathroom and I walk in and I look in the mirror and in the reflection I see this body hanging from the bathroom ceiling that was thudding against the shower door. And I turn around and all I see is the yellow eyed boy who's just standing in the bathtub just staring at me. I just felt cold. My heart started racing and I remember like finally waking up, leaving the dream, you know, feeling relieved that, oh good, you know, this was a dream, albeit really freaky. I roll over in my bed, open my eyes, and there he is.