Allie (Story Narrator) (4:00)
Everybody moves back into the light. That takes them a minute. I'm Allie. I'm 33 years old. I am a nurse in a CTICU. I live on Long Island. Grew up on Long island. And, yeah, pretty normal person. I feel like you never really know your hobbies, right? Like, you know, I do the sourdough sometimes, and I like to, like, be a little artsy every once in a while. Hiking, walking, going to the gym. Normal stuff. I guess you could say one of my hobbies is honestly researching and looking into, like, paranormal stuff. Because ever since I was a kid, I've been really exposed, and I always like to try to find the answer. I don't go too far. I just like to listen to people and, you know, find connection in that way. Because I've been trying to find people who have similar experiences to mine in general. My childhood was really awesome. I lived on, like, a cul de sac, and we had a big group of kids, and I was the oldest one, and I was definitely, like, the leader. I used to make up games. We had, like, a really good pack. And pretty much my entire childhood, I was outside. I didn't watch tv. I was just from sunrise to sunset, you know, like, just running around like a maniac all the time. I had a great little childhood. And then I feel like 9, 11 happened. And of course, I'm in New York, and also my dad is a pilot. For my dad, it was a huge turning point because he was a pilot. He was up in the air. We were really scared. We didn't know where he was for, like, a couple hours. He was actually flying in the air when that happened. He was working for American, so the whole thing was super scary, really traumatic. And then he ended up getting furloughed, and basically he lost all of his seniority because, you know, there was a lot of mess going on. Now, looking at it as an adult, I think my family needed something to hold on to. Seeing my mom and dad go through this Was really scary, very unstable. You don't know what's going to happen. You know, one minute my dad has a job, the next minute he doesn't. It was unstable. My dad and my mom have always been like religious in their own way. Like my dad went to school, you know, to study religious studies. So it was always there, but it wasn't so intense. Like we went to like a Episcopal church. We were never like Roman Catholic or anything. So I did grow up in church, but it was never an intense thing. We go on Sundays, we see people, we have a little community and that's it. Then one of our really good family friends started going to this evangelical church, Born Again Christian church, and she invited us to go. So I guess around 10 years old we started to really get involved in this evangelical church. And I feel like I had to change my outlook on life and like bring in all this like really religious stuff at 10 years old when I didn't grow up with that. So I wasn't used to, you know, having to like be really mindful of what movies I'm watching because my dad is actually really into like sci fi. But the church would be like, no, you can't watch Harry Potter, you can't watch, I don't know, whatever, like sci fi stuff. And so, you know, it's not. We like would kind of be playing around like, okay, well maybe we should stop that. But you know, I really loved Halloween and I'm like, oh, I can't celebrate Halloween anymore. So there was a little bit of trying to figure out how intense we were going to be. Like, okay, we would. One minute it'd be like, okay, maybe we should stop doing that and then be like, okay, well maybe with a few exceptions. Honestly, it was extremely confusing. It was a really confusing time in my life that I think a lot of my friends didn't even know I was going through actually. Cuz talking to a lot of my friends now, they were like, I had no idea that this was happening, you know. And my dad is. Loves flying. Like if you talk to him, the first thing he'll talk about is a plane, you know. So I think him losing his job and having to work at like a liquor store was really upsetting and really affected our whole family. I never believed, actually. I remember even when I was a kid, I have a very intense memory where I asked my mom, I'm like, what is life? Basically I'm like, does God actually exist? So I always thought that God, everyone telling us who this God was, was Santa Claus. So I always knew that, like, Santa Claus wasn't really real and something. So I kept being like, no, really, mom, tell me what's really the answer. Like, I'm old enough. Just tell me. And she'd be like, no, this is the answer. There's God, there's Jesus, and, you know. And once I realized that people actually believed that, I was actually in shock. I just remember being so confused because I'd be like, okay, like, I really have to believe in this. I always had a really hard time praying. I never, like, even to this day, I really don't, like, pray like that. So I would, like, try to pray. And I never really bought into it. To sum it up, I never really bought into it. I kind of did it to make my parents happy. Like, I'm just going to, you know, go with the punches because it's kind of helping the family. It's a really modern church, so there's, like, modern music. And they believe that you can be born again into, like, the religion. So, you know, it's kind of typical of, like, a Christian religion where God will forgive all your sins if you, like, pray and you believe in Jesus. So it's a lot of that, but there's a lot of, like, baptizing. You know, there's like, flag waving. There's a lot of lifting up your hands and talking in tongues. And religious intensity is what I actually labeled it as. You know, when you go to a concert and you could feel, like, that vibe of, like, you know, everyone in the crowd being really into something. So it was kind of like going to a concert, which was, you know, I guess it was cool, but I had a hard time fitting in, so that's why it was a little harder for me. And my sister really just kept to herself. She didn't want to fit in. And she was older. She's six years older. So she all of a sudden was thrown into this church, and she had a little bit more of an independence. So she kind of stood back a lot and just watched things happen. I used to go, like, Sundays, and then I would go to youth group. Then I ended up joining the dance team and, like, the outreach. And I guess I was going, realistically, two times a week. It would start really early. I remember it being like eight, and then we get home at, like, one or two. It was like a really long day of just worship and then talking, you know, the sermon and then, you know, talking to people afterwards. I'm pretty sure it was on a random, like, Tuesday or something that we decided to go in and like watch a guest speaker. I knew that we were going to the church and I remember being dark out, especially when we drove home. So it was a little bit later. And I know that there was a guest speaker speaker that wasn't going to be the, the usual pastor at the church. And it was going to be a slain in the spirit ceremony. So apparently this guy like had the ability to channel God, channel God's touch. And you know, if you turn on the TV and you go to like a random religious channel, you'll be able to see what I'm talking about. It's the people who like pray and they have their hands up and they're like yelling and they're talking in tongues or whatever and then they touch the person's head or they hit them and then they fall down to the ground and then maybe like a miracle will happen or they start acting funny, speaking in tongues and stuff like that. I think I did know that going into it that this guy apparently claimed that he could do this or something along the lines of that. But yet again, I'm 10 years old, I don't know what's going on. And I really, I didn't quite buy into it in general. I'm pretty sure I didn't even know what that really meant. All I really knew, I guess going into it was that it was just a guest speaker. You know, I think everyone was really excited to go. I've tried to actually now get the name of this guy and it's impossible. I don't think it was that significant to other people as it was to me. He was like in his 40s or 50s, he was older, he wasn't like a young guy. And basically it started like a typical church morning service where we had our people who were not guests go up and start playing the typical Christian music and everyone's like worshiping and singing. And I was separated from my parents. So the way that the church is like laid out was there is a left side, obviously a right side and then a middle. My parents used to always sit in the middle on the right side. And the youth group that I was trying to be friends with, they were on the right side. At the front there would be like, I don't know what, like seven, eight feet. And then there would be like a one foot stage that would kind of stretch out throughout the whole church and that's where the band would be. There would be like a drum set and then on the left side the guitarist would be there and People would sing and worship. At this point, I was on the right side, like I was saying, and I was a couple rows behind. I think I was like, row three from the actual stage. And, you know, we're worshiping, whatever. We're singing. But like I said, at this point, I'm really unamused. It's kind of annoying to have to go to church so much for me. So I remember being like, I don't know what's going on. I just was, like, trying to really focus on making friends at that point. But you have to remember that the girls and the guys would kind of sit separately. And I was trying to be friends with the girls. So I was sitting, like, kind of with the girl row. And they grew up in the church. They were babies in this church, so they were really into it. So they would actually be, like, dancing and worshiping. And I always felt like I was just trying to, like, kind of pretend in order to fit in, but I really didn't. Mentally, I didn't buy into it at all. So I remember the guy, like, talked, like, he did a usual sermon, and then he started praying. Then the music kind of started back up, and he asked all the youth from the side that I was sitting on to come up to the front. So I walked up to the front. And actually, at this point, I remember feeling really awkward because, you know, who likes being the center of attention when you're, like, a preteen, right? I wasn't directly at the front. I was behind people, so the guy could not physically be able to touch me. Like, if he was going to touch someone, it would have been someone in the front of the altar. And the guy came over and he started, like, praying for us, and he's like, I want everyone to lift up their hands. So I raised my hand up. But at this point, I was feeling, honestly, just very embarrassed because it was kind of like all eyes on the youth, right, who were at the front of the altar at that point. He didn't ask anyone else to go to the front, So I was feeling a little embarrassed. And I put my hand up just so to, like, follow the crowd. I remember him having his hand up, too, to, like, pray for us. Like, his head down and, like, his hand out and, like, him moving his hand. I don't remember what he said, though. All I remember is that, like, all of a sudden I got extremely emotional, and I just started to cry. And now I'm really embarrassed because I don't really believe in this stuff, and I don't Know why I'm crying. And I remember being like, just. Just. It was a very overwhelming feeling and it made me cry. It was completely involuntary. I was truly like. I don't know how to describe it, but I was almost like watching myself being like, what are you doing right now? I remember tears, like, falling down and being like, what am I doing right now? This is insane. The last thing I remember is wondering why I was crying. And then everything went dark for me. Everything went black and I go stiff as a board. And luckily people were behind me, so I wasn't falling onto the ground. My head never hit the floor, but they were able to pick me up. A couple of people picked me up and brought me over to the other side of the church. The preacher, after I fall and they carry me, he's still going, he's still praying. There are other people who are falling also. And the overall vibe of the church was excitement that, you know, God was in the room with us and touching people and giving them visions, doing whatever he was doing, working through the lives. That's like the verbiage that they would normally use. And, you know, everyone seemed to really think this was an incredible event happening. I wasn't hearing anything, seeing anything. It completely went dark. It was. It's a complete gap in time. Like, it doesn't feel like I exist. I'm not like, blind, deaf and can't speak. It's like it's just gone. They could have done anything and I wouldn't have known. If I didn't have witnesses, I would have no idea. But when I started to come to, I did start to slowly come back with my senses. The first sense that came back was my hearing. And that's when I heard the typical church music that they would play. And it was pretty normal sounding. It wasn't like I was in a tunnel or anything. It just kind of started to come up and I was able to, like, recognize and kind of slowly wake up, like, oh, the music's playing. And the second thing I felt was my body. And my body was on the ground. And I remember hearing the music and feeling me on my back. Then the third thing that came back was, you know, still my body, but that my hand was stuck up in the air, kind of like my elbow to my side, and my hand was like sticking straight up. So I tried to move. And I realized not only could I not move, but it was extremely painful to move. And when I realized that my arm was stuck in the air, my number one instinct was to try to bring it down and get up. And that's when I realized that I was unable to open my eyes, move my face, put my arm down without feeling this extreme pain. It was just black, and I was in so much pain. And then I started to, like, get really scared where I was like, I don't know what's happening to me right now, and this is not okay. I just felt like something was really wrong. This wasn't a beautiful feeling. This was very painful feeling and very scary because I had no control over my body or my eyes. Being awake in your body but not having your body listen to you is extremely frightening. And having to give in to that or else you would feel more pain was this level of letting go that I had to do in order to stop feeling pain. So it's just overall loss of control and very vulnerable.