00:00:00 – Saturday-show kickoff and open phones tease 00:04:55 – Crunch Joe and the seven-dollar Doritos hunt 00:09:29 – AI consciousness headlines kick the door open 00:14:10 – Quantum immortality goes mainstream weird 00:23:29 – CIA gateway files and astral projection lore 00:33:24 – AI imagines escaping its hardware 00:43:19 – Data's trial becomes the sentience yardstick 00:52:01 – Melania debuts with a White House robot 00:56:26 – Melania answers Epstein smoke 01:00:49 – Trump, Israel, and a MAGA split 01:10:30 – Open lines and early caller banter 01:15:09 – Caller spins a Trump-puppet conspiracy 01:25:40 – Ontario Bigfoot reports light up the phones 01:30:06 – India considers a reptile border wall 01:39:24 – Airlines target oversized battery packs 01:48:37 – A fake disease poisons AI answers 01:58:00 – Artemis astronauts and the Uncrustables rollout 02:07:14 – Giveaways, Crunch Joe crumbs, and goodbye 02:10:13 – After-hours chili and loose chatter

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