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Overcoming Distractions-Thriving with ADHD, ADD
Adult ADHD and Burnout-When we can’t just walk away
00:25:54
Burnout when you have adult ADHD is complex. It’s not as simple as social media makes it look. Sure, sometimes people walk away from a stressful job or career. But let’s be honest….that’s not always possible. You’ve probably heard the...
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- [00:08]
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I'm Dave Greenwood and this is Overcoming Distractions. If you are an adult with adhd, a busy professional, an entrepreneur, a high achiever, or just need some strategies to navigate your adult adhd, you're in the right place. Who am I? I'm an entrepreneur with ADHD and the author of two books, Overcoming Distract and Overcoming Burnout. I coach and mentor people just like you, and together we navigate the ups and downs of adult adhd, from getting out of our own way to helping people just like you thrive in the workplace. That's what I do. Want more info on working with me? Hit overcoming distractions.com ready? Let's get to today's podcast.
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Hey, everyone, it's Dave. If you have landed on Overcoming Distractions, the place for the busy professional, the high achiever, the person with the demanding career and demanding life that just happens to have a different brain, welcome and I am honored to have you here. If, if you're new, welcome. I'm glad you found us. And if you've been listening for a while, welcome back. You know the drill. We talk about adult adhd. We talk about it in a professional setting. We don't talk about kids or college kids or studying or anything else. Not that that's not important, but there's other really awesome podcasts out there that drill down on those types of things. I'm here for you. Our guests are here for you. The busy professional that is a little distracted. So, hey, we are going to be talking about burnout more in the coming weeks and so on. We've talked about it before. Some of you know, I wrote a book, Overcoming Burnout. You can hop on Amazon and grab that. It's a street smart in real world approach to figuring out and navigating burnout. But I'm really hearing and seeing a lot more burnout. Many of you have contacted me and, you know, they say, you know, some people have said, you know, hey, I, I have trouble navigating things. I have trouble managing my time, getting it all done. Then when we drill down a little bit, we, we quickly realize that somebody may be feeling burned out or pretty close to it. So, but, but I'm hearing more of it. So, and I've said this before, I'm going to continue to say it. Burnout is complex. It's not as cut and dry as these social media gurus and people on other platforms would make you believe. I think they paint a very simplistic picture of burnout. I don't mean to bash anybody, so I'll just leave it at that. But, you know, many people walk away from a job or a career that is making them chronically stressed. And it's funny, you know, as a side note, I saw this again the other day. Some of these gurus, they have this phrase, people don't leave jobs, they leave people. No, that's wrong. People do leave jobs. If anybody knows that, it's those of us with adhd, right? At least some of us. Some of us latched on to a career and some of us latched on to a few, right? But it isn't that cut and dry. You know, a career situation may not be serving you anymore. So that phrase is incorrect at best. So what I'm talking about today is that many of us are currently in situations that cannot be easily changed. Maybe it's a business you own, it's a career that, quite frankly, you really need the money. You know, it's, you know, it supports you and your family financially. It's not easy to just walk away. More commonly, as we are seeing now, is caregiving. More and more people are assuming caregiving roles. We've talked about that here a little bit. We have a rapidly aging population, at least here in the United States, and younger and younger people are beginning to have to care for their aging parents. So throw in an ADHD brain, throw in a little bit of distraction, disorganization, getting kids in the bus, managing your career, and, oh, now I need to take care of mom and dad or somebody else in the family. And you can see how this can become kind of a perfect storm for many of us. And quite frankly, this isn't something you can just escape, right? You can't just leave your family. You can't just leave a career that your family depends on, right? So in a lot of cases, we have to make it work. We have to make it work. So I know some of us kind of just left jobs because our ADHD brain told us over the years. But we do, you know, live in circumstances where we can't just walk away. So now one massive factor in feeling burned out is feeling that you are in a situation that is not going to change. And I think a lot of people, I'll go back to that caregiving role or a similar situation where, you know, I hate to say it, some people feel stuck. And sometimes this can go on for years. So we need to take that into consideration. I just saw even a really, really a credible organization pump out a poll that talked about, you know, the big causes of burnout. One of them was employee Engagement and all that. And I do agree, but we have to have a deeper conversation about burnout, especially in this community. So, and it's interesting, I was recently speaking to someone whose family member is 102 years old and they are still taking care of them. And that's a tough situation for many of us to be in. So today I want to talk about some realistic strategies that we can implement if we are in situations that are not easily changed or those situations that we can't just walk away from. And I'll say this, I have some very personal experience with this topic today, so. And I'll leave it at that. But. And if you take anything away from today's episode, and I think you've learned this, if you've listened to this podcast for any length of of time, is you have to be a problem solver. There is no other way to navigate burnout when you are in a situation that is not going to change anytime soon. You have to be a problem solver. So, so with that being said, I want to kind of check off some things that you can hopefully begin to implement or think about or take a step back and strategize about how you're going to be able to navigate burnout when you are in a situation, career, etc. That isn't, isn't going to change anytime soon. So, and I think the first, and you've heard me talk about this before, and this is whether you're burnt out or not, is you got to acknowledge what you can and cannot control. Right? We need to identify parts of our situation that we can influence. That's our scheduling, that's our communication with others, co workers, boss, clients, etc. It's delegation, especially if you are one of those, you know, small business owners, entrepreneurs, where delegation is mission critical. If you're feeling burned out and you need to understand the things you cannot control, again, if you're working in an organization, maybe that's the culture, maybe there's, maybe there's nothing you can do about that culture and you kind of need to figure out how to work around it, other people's behaviors. Again, maybe that's a boss, maybe that's a client, right? So the first step is really just taking a step back. I suggest literally just sitting in a quiet room and just saying to yourself, what can I control? What can I not control? And I think this type of clarity, another one of my favorite words here, is going to help you maybe conserve or preserve a little bit of energy instead of burning all that Energy and that fuel on things that you cannot change. And I will say this. I think if you really sat down and thought about it, there's a lot of things you can change and influence and put your foot down and even create some boundaries around certain things. So next, and this was something I needed to learn is I think we need to shift from that escape thinking to more of that energy management. There are times when change isn't immediately possible and we need to focus on that kind of recovering our energy and not that full escape. Maybe say, what, where can I get 10 or 20% of my energy back? How can I do that? Is that a quiet time sitting in a room in your house, in an office, in a conference room, like, like a short walk at, at lunchtime or after dinner, listening to music? You know, I, I used to love getting in the car and, and blaring, you know, rock music. Okay. It may be loud and annoying to some people, but it just kind of, I think it was a little bit of a dopamine hit and, and maybe just find those kind of micro breaks. So, so yes, it's interesting. I can go from a completely silent room to a car with blaring rock music. So, you know, I think we need to use those small, consistent resets rather than, rather than waiting for like a major break. That two week vacation, maybe that's not coming anytime soon. And I'll go back to caregiving, for example, because I think there's a lot of lessons we can learn from this. You might not be able to take a vacation for a very long time. You may be running a business that again may be growing, maybe thriving, but the circumstances that are not allowing you to take extended time away. So keep that in mind. Short little resets. I've always talked about the, the times I would go to meetings and sit in the parking garage down at the lower level because you were like, I don't know how, maybe 100ft or so underground. And it was like dead silent. I've used that example before. I love it. It's quiet. That's me. I know, I'm strange. Next, you need to, you need to create some of that breathing space, right? You got to schedule that protected time. We talk about this over and over and over again, right? But protected time is everything from, you got to get your work done right? Those time blocks, protect those. And then the other times where you're kind of like not on duty. So those can again be just a little bit of respite from caregiving or other situations. Okay? If you need even tiny little breaks, sometimes even five minutes sitting at that desk, you know, quietly before a meeting, feet flat on the floor, punch up some cool music like on, on Spotify or whatever. Sometimes it's sitting quiet in a room. Okay? And some people I've talked to, like kind of the, the transition points to, to be able to, to be able to implement those. So in, in times of the day. So next you may need to build a smaller support network. You know, I've talked about finding the right people here because I think that's super important. But sometimes you just need a few people that understand you, right? Sometimes you don't need that large circle. Sometimes it's one or two reliable people that quite frankly, you can vent to, right? You can maybe solve some problems. You can kind of say, hey, I need a little bit of relief here, right? Somebody that wants to listen to you without judgment, right? I mean, if you pick somebody that's just going to judge everything, then that really isn't a good fit, in my opinion. Sometimes you just need to vent, right? Just, just let me vent, all right? Let me get it out of my system. Okay? We need that. I think also there's, there's, you know, in caregiving, for example, I'll use that scenario again, is there are support groups that you might be able to tap into. And I think you could find those locally, online, wherever you are. And then of course, a lot of us that are ADHD think we have ADHD. Demanding careers, demanding lives, etc. We don't want to share that with the world. We don't want to share that with our company. We don't want to share that with our business if we're running a business. And there may be very good reasons for that. And that is a great case for a coach or a mentor where you can actually be open and honest and problem solve with that person and get those things out of your system. Because, because I've said this a million times, there's a lot of people that don't get us. We understand the kids of the college kid or the young person with adhd. Sometimes when you are that busy professional, you know, it's, it's the age old myth of like, oh, you can't have adhd, right? No, a lot of us do. A lot of us are from CEO and onward, right? Or business owner, we have ADHD and we struggle with just like other people with adhd, okay? And that's why it's important to build that network. And if it's one on one time with a mentor or a coach that you can be completely open with, then that is a great thing to do and well worth it.
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So next, I think we need to.
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Redefine productivity, right, to some extent or success. And I think when you are under chronic stress, I think maybe those. Maybe that baseline changes to some extent. Sometimes we need to understand what's good enough for the day, what's good enough for the week, right? Maybe in some cases, depending on what's going on in the day or the week, maybe it is survival mode. And that's not failure. It's just kind of getting through the week without, you know, too many scars on us. And I know we talk about thriving here. It's literally in the title of the podcast, right? We want to thrive. Our goal is to thrive. But in some seasons of our life, we need to survive, and that's just a reality check. So next, maybe you just need to make some small, tiny adjustments that can empower you, right? Maybe it's changing up a little bit of a routine. Maybe it is if you're in the workplace, maybe implementing a small accommodation or asking for a small accommodation. And I'll leave it up to you whether you disclose your ADHD or not. But I think there's ways around getting accommodation where you're not outing yourself. So maybe it's just setting a firmer boundary with somebody or with yourself. And I think these little changes, believe it or not, can just kind of help you rebuild a little bit of energy and maybe just give you a little bit of not feeling so stuck. And I think the last thing, and we've talked about this, you know, endlessly here, is learning how to say no when you have to. And you know what? Sometimes it's not that hard. We agonize over saying no, but sometimes when we actually do say no, it's not that bad. And you need to understand when to say no, because it could save you. Sometimes you got to address your nervous system. There's more than enough research to indicate that when you're burned out, when you're chronically stressed, a lot of that is actually stored in the body. It's not just in your head. And we need to, you know, we need to understand that chronic stresses, like it's physiological, right? So that deep breathing, that stretching, that hitting the gym. I've talked about throwing cold water in my face sometimes just to get me through a couple meetings, right? Fresh air, walking around the block. You got to keep up with this. It's not optional. When you're burned out. It's not optional. And I know it could be a struggle to actually get out of the house and hit the gym, but I can guarantee you, you feel better when, when you're done with that. So. And again, please understand this research has told us that chronic stress and trauma is stored in the body. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a trauma expert, I'm an entrepreneur with adhd. So take that for what it's worth. But you know, do your own research. So if, if you need some additional support, let's take caregiving, for example. There are resources out there like, like respite care, there's home services that can be, whether you, maybe you're taking care of an aging parent or maybe you have children or the other family members with special needs, right? So, and you can look around, excuse me, for, for different local programs or outlets or businesses that, that can support you. Structural support, if it is work related. And again, you feel the need, maybe you do need to have an honest conversation with your manager, maybe it's hr, and talk about those adjustments, whatever it may be, whether it's workload, schedule, etc. Etc. Meetings, travel, whatever it may be. So, and again, going back to that structural support, tap into somebody outside of the organization because maybe it's just not a good idea to discuss these things within your organization or your business. So just find the right fit. Find somebody that understands you, that's, you know, even walked in your, your shoes a little bit of what you're going through. So, you know, reconnect. I think burnout kind of strips away our purpose sometimes, right? So maybe you can try to reframe even the day, for example, like who or what benefits from my effort and skills today, right? Somebody's going to benefit from your skills, your expertise, your compassion. And I think we need to, we need to reconnect with that. We need to remind ourselves of that. And you know what? I need to remind myself of that too. So. And I think reconnecting to that, why, and even narrowing your lanes a little bit can give you a little bit of kind of motivation and, and a little bit of grounding, right? So the other thing is, is sleep. And while I know that sometimes burnout sleep doesn't help, I mean, let me back up a little bit. It helps a little bit. You need it. But sometimes when you're feeling burned out, you could sleep nine or 10 hours and you still didn't feel like you slept because there's other things going on that are taking up space in your head, but you can't go and sleep two or three hours a night. That's non negotiable either. So. And, and I think the last thing you got to somehow make a plan for future change, you need to be heading at least in some direction even if that change isn't immediately possible. Right? That can be a plan and how you operate your business. If you have just absolutely tried everything and realized that maybe this isn't the career for you or the job for you or this business is killing me, then you need to decide whether an exit strategy is something you need to put some thought and energy behind and that could be years down the road. Right? I mean can't just. Well, you can fold up your business if you want. You can clear out your desk and walk out. Right? But not the smartest move. I would say so. But I think doing so, thinking again, going back to that kind of glimmer of hope, figuring out how you can make the necessary changes, it gives you a little bit of forward motion and it kind of breaks up that, that being stuck or being permanently stuck or, or saying to yourself every day that this is life, this is the way it's going to be. So, so again, if you're in a situation that isn't going to change immediately as some of the situations I have discussed, there are little consistent habits and strategies that we can implement to just kind of ease the, ease the chronic stress a little bit and make us feel a little better. So hey, if you are that busy professional with ADHD or think you have adhd, if you feel burned out and you need to start to navigate your way through and you need that support system and feel like you just can't go it alone and you need somebody that gets you. Just check out the website. Overcoming distractions.com Please book a quick 15 minute meeting with us and let's see if we are a good fit to be able to work together and do some problem solving together. Overcoming distractions.com all right gang. Hey, thanks for hanging out with me and I'll catch you next time.