Podcast Summary

Podcast: Overcoming Distractions – Thriving with ADHD, ADD

Host: David A. Greenwood
Episode: How adults with ADHD can navigate workplace conflict
Guest: Karen Hurt, Author of "Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict"
Release Date: April 25, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the unique challenges adults with ADHD face regarding workplace conflict. Host David Greenwood is joined by Karen Hurt, an expert in conflict resolution and author of "Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict." Together, they explore conflict dynamics, practical phrases to use, the importance of clarity, the link between conflict and burnout, and the reality of when it’s time to “quit a conflict”—all through a lens tailored for professionals with ADHD.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding Workplace Conflict and ADHD

• ADHD and Conflict: Adults with ADHD may not “own” conflict more than others, but their communication styles, emotional regulation, and need for clarity can amplify challenges (00:58).
• Karen Hurt’s Approach: Her book offers a “manual” style guide with practical phrases and diagnosis tools tailored to specific workplace conflict scenarios. It’s aimed to make challenging conversations more accessible and less intimidating (03:56).

2. The Evolving Nature of Workplace Conflict

• Research Findings: Post-pandemic, conflict is more frequent, intense, and complex. Karen refers to findings from a global survey of 5,000 people in 45 countries (05:56).
  • “Conflict cocktails” are now common, meaning several issues combine to create nuanced, layered disputes (06:18).
    • Example: A “wedge driver” involves organizational change, remote work, and untrained managers.
    • “Blown fuse” reflects burnt out staff and frazzled customers interacting under stress.

3. The Fundamental Role of Clarity (Especially for ADHD Brains)

• Lack of Clarity Fuels Conflict: Mergers, organizational changes, and ambiguous expectations magnify misunderstandings and conflicts (08:26).
• Clarity and ADHD: People with ADHD tend to react disproportionately to lack of clarity, which can drive procrastination, anxiety, and conflict cycles (10:36).
• Memorable quote:

  “We do not like a lack of clarity. We might not even know we have a lack of clarity. And it’s something that we work on a lot.” – David Greenwood (10:36)

4. Powerful Phrases for Productive Communication

• “Check for Understanding” (11:14):
  • Repeat back what you heard: “So what I hear you saying is this… do I have that right?”
  • Sets both parties on the same page and reduces friction, particularly useful for ADHD professionals who might process information differently or more quickly (11:14–12:13).
• Practical Story:
  • A blog follower with ADHD uses this tactic to clarify assignments, saving her (and her boss) time by surfacing misunderstandings early (12:13).

5. Where Conflict Occurs Most

• Most common: Between employees and their managers (14:24).

• Often Organizational vs. Interpersonal: Sometimes conflict that appears personal is actually due to flawed systems, such as competition-based incentives that pit coworkers against one another (15:24).

  • Quote:

  “You cannot solve organizational conflict with team building.” – Karen Hurt quoting Dr. Ralph Kilman (14:24)

• Matrix Organizations: “Accountability without empowerment” leads to frustration when cross-departmental collaboration is required but priorities don’t align (15:55).

6. Conflict and Burnout

• Direct Connection: 27% surveyed said conflict is caused by being "burned out, exhausted, overwhelmed" (17:15).
• Burnout Is Multifaceted: Not just overwork or poor self-care, but chronic systemic issues contribute to exhaustion and shorter tempers (18:21).

7. Myths about Workplace Conflict

• “I” Statements and the Sandwich Technique:
  • Both can be over-simplified or misused.
  • Example: “I think you’re a jerk” is an “I” statement, but not a productive one. Sandwiching criticism between compliments can dilute the message (19:00–20:24).

8. Psychological Safety & Productive Conflict

• Beyond Buzzwords: Companies often lack real psychological safety, especially at leadership levels where directness or even rudeness is tolerated among senior staff but not at the frontline (22:10–24:33).
• Quote:

  “It seems that the tighter the relationship, the less we work in our communication because we assume that it’s okay.” – Karen Hurt (24:35)

9. Solutions & Actionable Strategies

• First Conflict is With Yourself: Decide why the conversation matters and acknowledge that “relief” is a typical outcome of addressing rather than ignoring conflict (26:54).
  • Before taking action, ask:
    • Why does it matter for outcomes?
    • Why does it matter for relationships?
    • What’s at stake if I remain silent?
• Diagnosing Conflict: Determine whether it’s a problem of connection, clarity, curiosity, or commitment (26:54–28:40).
• Favorite Powerful Phrases:
  • “What would a successful outcome do for you?” (Clarity) – (28:58)
  • “Let’s schedule time to talk about this again.” (Commitment/accountability) – (31:11)
  • “I’m curious what this looks like from your perspective.” (Curiosity) – (28:40)
• Practical Example:
  • Two coworkers clarify not just what success is, but why it matters to each of them—one values efficiency, the other wants to demonstrate expertise (29:26).

10. When to “Quit” a Conflict

• Escalate or Exit: If good faith efforts fail or the situation is taking a personal toll, it may be time to leave or escalate. Consider if you’re being asked to compromise your values or if the conflict is destroying your mental health (32:14–33:45).

• Quote:

  “Some conflicts can’t be [solved]. There are some psychopaths in the world... you do not have to suffer through that. You have some level of agency in those situations.” – Karen Hurt (33:45)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Clarity:

  “We do not like a lack of clarity…that fuels all kinds of things like conflict, procrastination…”
  – David Greenwood (10:36)

• On Misapplied “I” Statements:

  “I think you’re a jerk. Right. Is an I statement.”
  – Karen Hurt (19:19)

• On Psychological Safety Drift:

  “It seems that the tighter the relationship, the less we work in our communication because we assume that it’s okay.”
  – Karen Hurt (24:35)

• On Proactively Addressing Conflict:

  “The first conflict conversation is the one you have with yourself…imagine you’ve had the conversation…most people say ‘relieved’.”
  – Karen Hurt (26:54)

Segment Timestamps

• 00:58 – Introducing workplace conflict as universal, but potentially amplified in ADHD context.
• 03:56 – Karen Hurt explains book structure and practical focus.
• 05:56 – Research on increased conflict post-pandemic; concept of "conflict cocktails."
• 10:36 – The pivotal role of clarity for people with ADHD.
• 11:14–12:13 – "Check for Understanding" as a tool, especially for the neurodivergent.
• 14:24 – Where conflict most commonly arises: with managers, and within systems.
• 17:15 – Connection between conflict and burnout.
• 19:00–20:24 – Debunking the myths: “I” statements and the sandwich technique.
• 22:10–24:33 – Psychological safety: what it is, how it breaks down in practice.
• 26:54–28:40 – Self-assessment and conflict diagnosis; the emotional relief of speaking up.
• 28:58–31:30 – Favorite “goat” phrases with examples.
• 32:14–33:45 – When to escalate or quit a conflict.

Resources & Where to Find Karen Hurt

• Website: letsgrowleaders.com
• Books:
  • "Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict"
  • "Courageous Cultures" (on psychological safety and leadership)
• Additional Offerings: Keynote speaking, consulting, leadership development programs

Final Thoughts

This episode provides a toolkit for professionals, particularly those with ADHD, to reframe, understand, and navigate workplace conflict. Emphasis is placed on the need for clarity, direct communication, assessing the roots of a dispute, and knowing both when to persist and when to move on. The advice is actionable, compassionate, and rooted in hands-on experience.

For more, visit letsgrowleaders.com or reach out to host David Greenwood via overcomingdistractions.com.