When ADHD Stops Being the Excuse- From Complaining to Commanding

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Overcoming Distractions – Thriving with ADHD, ADD

Episode: When ADHD Stops Being the Excuse – From Complaining to Commanding
Host: David A. Greenwood
Date: December 5, 2025

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Overview

In this solo episode, David A. Greenwood, entrepreneur, ADHD coach, and author, addresses a topic that resonates deeply with professionals managing adult ADHD: the habit of complaining and how it can become an unintentional crutch. Dave candidly explores the tendency among ADHD adults to fall into "complaint loops," how this can lead to burnout, and most importantly, how to shift from complaining to proactive problem-solving in both business and life. Using real-life anecdotes and street-smart advice, Dave emphasizes self-reflection and practical steps for making change, not just venting about what’s difficult.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Ubiquity and Cost of Complaining (02:24–05:40)

• Who This Is For: Dave clarifies that this show focuses on adults—from business owners to executives—with ADHD or ADHD-like tendencies, not on the college or kid experience.
• The Complaints We Share: Common struggles include poor time management, low energy, lack of systems, procrastination, and frustration with oneself or others.
  • “Some of the things I feel we complain about…are certainly our own time management, our energy. Maybe it's our frustrations with our lack of systems…” (02:30)
• Personal Example: Dave recounts prolonged complaining about late payments from clients, contributing to his own burnout:
  • “I talked about people not paying me…they would go out months, I would complain endlessly...I think it's one of the things that really contributed to me feeling burned out…” (03:33)
• Complaining’s Hidden Harm: While it feels like stress relief, habitual complaining without action leads to more stress and a sense of helplessness.

The Value—And Limits—Of Complaining (05:11–09:22)

• Acknowledging the Value: Dave admits venting can spotlight issues needing attention. Recognition is a start, but action is essential.
  • “A little bit of value in complaining because it does bring to the surface things we need to work out...the things that we constantly complain about…are the things that are stressing us out.” (05:11, 05:40)
• Burnout Caution: Constant complaint without follow-through is a known cause of burnout, especially for ADHD adults balancing high workloads and life demands.
• Moving Forward: “We have to begin to become problem solvers. We have to start to think like that, and we have to turn complaining into problem solving.” (06:09)

Recognizing and Escaping the Complaint Loop (09:22–10:51)

• The Vicious Cycle: Complaining feels productive, like releasing steam, but it doesn't solve problems.
  • “Complaining often feels productive. But...it's not really gonna create any change. It feels good sometimes.” (09:22)
• Venting vs. Solving: It's crucial to differentiate between emotional venting (short-term relief) and genuine problem-solving (long-term progress).

Strategies for Change: From Complaining To Commanding (10:51–18:19)

1. Give Venting a Time Limit (10:51–11:29)
- Set boundaries (e.g., five minutes) for venting, then shift to focusing on solutions. - “Maybe you need to tell other people around you, like your spouse...if you hear me complaining and venting, maybe…call it off at five minutes and remind me that then I'm not solving the problem.” (11:08)

2. Focus on Control (11:08–11:45)
- Center attention on what you can change, not what you can't. - “You know that I love the word control. In the most respectful way. Not controlling other people, controlling what you can.” (11:29)

3. Matching Problems to Capacity (11:45–12:55)
- When overwhelmed, break problems into the smallest actionable step. - “What's the smallest possible step I could take?...Any type of momentum, I think beats artificial motivation anytime.” (12:13)

4. Reframing the Narrative (12:55–14:51)
- Move from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What’s my next move?”
- Think in terms of facts, not drama. Example: “My basement flooded. Why? Because my gutters are clogged.” (15:17)

5. Make Micro-Decisions and Take Action (14:51–17:53) - Sometimes clarity comes from doing. Motivation is the result of action, not the precursor. - “You don't need to be motivated to start. You need to start to actually be motivated.” (16:53) - Start with simple actions: one email, one conversation, one boundary.

6. Use Data and Clarity to Build Options (14:34–15:17) - Gathering facts instead of amplifying the narrative opens up new options. - “When we kind of reword this or reframe it...the factual base…creates some clarity...that clarity creates some options.” (14:51)

7. Build the Identity of ‘Problem-Solver’ (18:19–19:09) - Begin to see yourself as someone who figures things out; shift from powerless to empowered. - “Maybe tell yourself that I'm becoming somebody who figures things out. I think that's a real shift, right?” (18:19) - Many ADHD people can solve problems for others but struggle to use that superpower on themselves.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Complaining often feels productive. But…it's not really gonna create any change." — Dave (09:22)
• “We have to turn complaining into problem solving.” — Dave (06:09)
• "What's the smallest possible step I could take? ...Any type of momentum, I think, beats artificial motivation anytime." — Dave (12:13)
• “Maybe tell yourself that I'm becoming somebody who figures things out. I think that's a real shift, right?” — Dave (18:19)
• “We can go into a room, we can go into a client meeting, we can solve problems. But I think sometimes we don't actually implement this stuff for our own good and benefit.” — Dave (19:09)

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Key Timestamps

• 02:24 — Introduction to today’s topic: complaining, specifically in the context of ADHD.
• 03:33 — Personal story about business, burnout, and the real cost of complaining.
• 05:11–05:40 — The value and hidden harm of complaining.
• 09:22–10:51 — Recognizing the complaint loop and the false sense of productivity.
• 11:29 — Focusing on control.
• 12:13 — Breaking down problems into actionable steps.
• 14:34–15:17 — The importance of facts and clarity.
• 16:53 — How motivation is built from action, not the other way around.
• 18:19 — Building a new self-identity as a problem-solver.
• 19:09 — Final thoughts: leveraging ADHD strengths for personal problem-solving.

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Actionable Takeaways

• Notice when you're in a complaint loop; use venting as a tool, not a lifestyle.
• Set limits on venting and shift to solution-focused discussions.
• Break problems down into the smallest next step to overcome overwhelm.
• Gather facts, not stories, and reframe the way you talk about problems.
• Anchor your self-identity in being a problem-solver, not a victim of circumstance.
• Take small, concrete actions—motivation and clarity will follow.

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Tone & Style

Dave’s approach is authentic, conversational, and rooted in lived experience. He shares openly about his own struggles and triumphs, making listeners feel accompanied and understood—like “having a cup of coffee or a pint” with a trusted peer. The tone is friendly, gently challenging, and always focused on real-world applicability rather than abstract theory.

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Transcript

[A]

I'm Dave Greenwood and this is Overcoming Distractions. If you are an adult with adhd, a busy professional, an entrepreneur, a high achiever, or just need some strategies to navigate your adult adhd, you're in the right place. Who am I? I'm an entrepreneur with ADHD and the author of two books, Overcoming Distract and Overcoming Burnout. I coach and mentor people just like you, and together we navigate the ups and downs of adult adhd, from getting out of our own way to helping people just like you thrive in the workplace. That's what I do. Want more info on working with me? Hit overcoming distractions.com ready? Let's get to today's podcast.

All right, guys, and welcome back.

[B]

It is Dave. You are back on Overcoming Distractions. And if you are that busy professional, that purpose driven type of person, that senior level.

You know, professional, and you have ADHD or you feel like you have adhd.

ADHD tendencies, you're all welcome, right? You don't have to have an official piece of paper to hang out here. But as a reminder, that's what we talk about. You know, the busy professional that may be a little distracted, less focused, needs some systems. We don't talk about kids with adhd. We don't even talk about college as it relates to adhd, because I can tell you that's one thing I can't help you with. So there are plenty of other podcasts and resources available to people like that. This is for you, the business owner, the entrepreneur, the CEO, the everything in between.

That is maybe just having some challenges or want to hang out and get some tips and strategies and feel like you're part of a community. So anyway, hey, I'm gonna talk about complaining today.

That's. And today's podcast is about complaining. And it is as much for me as it is for you. I want to make that clear because I think so many of us do get stuck in this loop of complaining, and it's really difficult to get out of that sometimes, right? Some of the things I feel we complain about, and I'm sure you probably relate to some of this, and the list is probably endless, right? I mean, let's just, let's just be real. But I think some of the things we, we as people who have these ADHD tendencies or characteristics or whatever you want to call them, are certainly our own time management, our energy. Maybe it's our frustrations with our lack of systems, right? I mean, that's a couple. We complain about other people, right? Because if you've hung out here Before, I think, you know, my philosophy that those of us with adult adhd, you know, it, not everything's our fault, right?

Other people don't get us things or we don't, you know, or there's other demands or, you know, you know, smashing into ways we think, right? So not everything is our fault. So for me, and I talked about this in my book Overcoming Burnout, which you can just find right on Amazon, you know, I talked about people not paying me when I was running my full blown public relations firm. They would go out months, I would complain endlessly, not only to myself, but to my wife. I think it's one of the things that really contributed to me feeling burned out because all I did was complain about that. So what are some of the other things that those of us that may be a little distracted complain about? Right? We complain about why we can't get things done on time. Why do I procrastinate? Sometimes we don't really know why we procrastinate. And that's why I work with people one on one like you, because we try to kind of figure it out and problem solve. Why do I keep making mistakes? Why can't I just get started? We complain. We complain.

And we need to kind of figure out how to get over that. So, and I'll come out and say it, some of us with adhd, and I'm going to throw myself into this category as well, is that, you know, we've got good at complaining at times in our life, right? We've gotten really good at it.

And again, myself included. Now, for the record, I do believe there is a little bit of value in complaining because it does bring to the surface things we need to work out. And as I just mentioned in my book, Overcoming Burnout, one of the things that we focused on in the book was that the things that we constantly complain about.

Are the things that are stressing us out. And it actually can cause you to feel burned out. It's one of the many factors in feeling burned out, especially with those of us who have adhd, and these are the things that require our attention because constant complaining and not fixing something is going to make us feel burned out. So next, if you are a busy adult with adhd, and I assume you are, because you are still listening to me, you're in a demanding career, you have other commitments, such as family life, we have to begin to become problem solvers. We have to start to think like that, and we have to turn complaining into problem solving. Again, I'm reminding myself of this, because I need this refresher too, because I do find myself slipping into complaint mode occasionally. So what I want to do is I just want to run through some of the thoughts that I've jotted down about how we can move in this direction. And I think many of you know, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a therapist or a clinician. I'm an entrepreneur with ADHD who has worked as an executive. I've run a business for well over 20 years. I've had to make payroll, I've had to hire and fire and market and get clients and, and all that stuff. So this is where this kind of street smart perspective comes in, given all that and the ADHD brain. So, by the way, real quick, if you feel like you need somebody to work side by side with to work these things out, maybe you need somebody to problem solve together. You can just hit the website, right on the top of the website, the homepage book, that 15 minute columning. I've had people that work with me short term and I've had people that work with me on a longer term basis because they love the idea of being able to check in with somebody, bounce ideas off of, hit that reset button. So just hit that button and we can hop on, zoom and chat. The other thing, if you feel like you actually have figured it out, but you love coming here and enjoy the content, you can actually support the podcast and you can buy me a cup of coffee, right? You can buy me one cup, you can buy me three, you can buy me five. It's just, you just go to buy me a coffee.com/overcoming D. So it's buy me a coffee.com overcoming D, the letter D. And then I, I'd be happy for your support because it does take some resources to crank these podcasts out every week. So. All right, that's my pitch. Thank you for hanging out with me. Let's talk about this. So I think one of the things that I've noticed is we need to kind of recognize that complaint loop, right? We get in this loop that sometimes can be like vicious and we have kind of a hard time getting out of it. And again, I think complaining often feels productive. But think about it for a minute. It's actually like a stress release valve, which is okay, but it's not really gonna create any change. It feels good sometimes, right? I mean, that's just, you know, getting something off our chest.

But in the end, it doesn't really get us far unless we get tired of hearing Ourselves, Right?

I'll remind you again, this is. This is for me as well, because I think all of us, including myself, get stuck in this loop sometimes. And it's just, you know, kind of. It's a vicious cycle. So. And I don't want people to think that. That I have completely 1000% figure this out and that I never complain about anything, because that's just not true. So I just want to remind you of that. Many professionals with ADHD get stuck like, we narrate that problem, right, Instead of moving towards the solution, moving that needle in our favor. And I think solutions can be difficult sometimes. And maybe like some other things, maybe we need to break it down, right? Maybe we need to break it down into smaller steps. Like everything from that big project that is staring you in the face day after day to problem solving and stopping to, you know, let complaining take over your life. And I think sometimes you just need to say, you know, hey, I'm talking about this again, but I'm not doing anything about it. So I think that's an important step. We need to separate venting from solving, right? Venting is that emotional regulation we talk about when we're an adult with adhd, right?

Problem solving is forward movement, right? So how do we move forward? We become problem solvers. Maybe we need to give ourselves a time limit to vent. Maybe you need to tell other people around you, like your spouse.

That, okay, you. If you hear me complaining and venting, maybe, you know, call it off at five minutes and just remind me that then I'm not solving the problem, you know, and what's one thing I can control here? You know, if you've listened to me, that you. That I love the word control.

In the most respectful way. Not controlling other people, controlling what you can. So next, I think let's talk about for a second here, how do we shrink the problem to, like, match the capacity we have at the moment?

And what I mean by that is I think the ADHD brain kind of stalls out when something is too big, right? It's this massive project that we have to do for a client or our boss, or it's this enormous spreadsheet that. That, you know, our boss asked us to do, and it's massive, right? And I think when it comes to complaining, sometimes if we're complaining about something, it seems too big to solve at the moment. And I think those of us with ADHD that turn into problem solvers, we ask ourselves, what's the smallest possible step I could take? Right? And I think that that is powerful. It's like, you know, as I say, stepping off the curb, dipping your toe in the water, any type of momentum, I think beats artificial motivation anytime, right? And again, if something is just too big, we will. We'll walk away because it's just. It's too. It's too massive for us to tackle. So.

The next thing, and I've caught myself doing this is I think we need to reframe these things. Because it is so easy to say, like, why is this happening to me? Right, why is this happening to me? Why does this always happen to me?

I can't tell you how many times over the years that I've said that to myself. Maybe we can swap that for, okay, what's my next move? I know, I know. This is a muscle, as we talk about here. It's a muscle we need to work, right?

But if we're, like, constantly complaining we're externalizing the problem, right? Which isn't such a bad thing.

But it is, at the end, powerless and reactive. So when we figure out how to be an ADHD problem solver, we actually bring that back internally. Right? And that brings that into your problem solving part of your brain. Hopefully when you do this time and time again, you do feel empowered to take that next step and that next step, and it's somewhat strategic, right? So again, what's my next move? Okay.

What about if we thought about it this way? Drama, language, and kind of refocus this on, like, data, so to speak, or facts. The drama is this always happens to me. I can't catch a break. You know, as we said, why is this happening to me.

When we. When we kind of re. Reword this or reframe it. Right? Okay. This particular thing happened to me twice this week. Why did this happen?

The. The. The factual base or when we actually kind of dig into the problem, I think that creates some clarity. You know, that's another one of my favorite words, because all of us with adhd, or those of us who think we have adhd, we need clarity. We can't go on without it. But that clarity creates some options, right?

If we allow it to. So, okay, my basement flooded. Why? Because my gutters are clogged. There's your data. Right? Okay. If you just keep complaining about your basement being flooded or something happening in your house. Okay, why is it. Okay, well, my gutters are in my house. I know not all of you have gutters, but that's just the, The. The example I'm using because it's happened to me. Right. So, but that's, that's how we kind of, you know, turn, why is this happening to me? To, you know, why is this happening? So, all right, how about some kind of like micro decisions and kind of trying to slowly build that habit, right? I think I love clarity, but I think sometimes maybe we don't have to wait for that perfect clarity and we choose just a small action at first. I think, you know, if you, if, you know, researching motivation, many, you know, and you can, you can hop on Google and find all this. But, you know, the simple explanation of motivation is it, it starts from doing, you know, you don't need to be motivated to start. You need to start to actually be motivated. You just read the motivation myth. It's a great book. So the. But it's just choosing like that small thing first, right?

But sometimes we need to make a decision. Maybe it's one email setting one boundary. Maybe it's blocking off one day to really zone in on a big project. Maybe it's one conversation that you need to have that you've been complaining about over and over again, right? Maybe it's this massive project that now the deadline is staring you right in the face when. What's the first thing we can do? Maybe we need to just kind of clear our head, make a checklist of things that need to be done, make sure you have everything, those types of things. And I think information creates better decisions, right? So we need to understand that information helps us create better decisions. And sometimes we just need that quiet room to be able to work things out and take that first step.

Think about this. If.

If you called the plumber every time there was water on your floor, you'd be spending a shit ton of money, right?

Because maybe, maybe you don't need a plumber. So it's okay to gather a little information by taking a step back before making that first move. I don't think that's such a bad thing. Last point.

Start to reframe how you, how you kind of tackle these things and maybe tell yourself that I'm becoming somebody who figures things out.

I think that's a real shift, right? You, you stop being someone stuck with hard circumstances or woe is me and start becoming someone who finds a way to figure out, okay, again, if you, if you already have a busy brain and you are in a demanding career, you're running a business, you got kids, you got all this other stuff going on, okay, we have to become problem solvers.

I think one of the gifts of having ADHD is being a natural problem solver, Right? But for many of us, we don't do it for ourselves effectively. We can go into a room, we can go into a client meeting, we can solve problems. But I think sometimes we don't actually implement this stuff for our own good and benefit. So. All right, I hope that helped because I know there are a lot of you out there that are complaining. Maybe you even don't recognize it. I hope this helps just kind of create a little bit of a road map. It was great for me. I love refreshing my own.

You know, self about these things. This is the beauty of this podcast is I revisit these things for myself. We're doing this together. So again, real quick, if you need somebody, you need to work with one on one, side by side. Somebody who gets you, understands your busy brain in the business setting.

And you want somebody that meets you where you are, then just hit the website, overcoming distractions dot com. Book that Zoom chat with me. It's a 15 minute chat, give or take a few minutes and let's see if we're a good fit. All right, gang, we'll catch you next time.