Ep 724 - Dark Carnival, by Ray Bradbury

Summary

Overdue Ep 724: "Dark Carnival" by Ray Bradbury

Podcast by Headgum
Date: October 13, 2025
Hosts: Andrew and Craig

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Episode Overview

This Spooktober episode of Overdue focuses on Ray Bradbury’s Dark Carnival, his first published collection of spooky short stories (originally 1947). The hosts, Andrew and Craig, discuss the book’s unique history, its mix of horror and dark comedy, and give listeners a guided tour of nine stories from the collection—many of which also appear in Bradbury’s later, more widely available October Country.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Book’s History and Availability (06:07 – 09:54)

• Dark Carnival (1947) is Bradbury's debut collection, difficult to find due to limited print runs and Bradbury's own desire to replace it with the revised October Country (1955).
• Many stories were originally published in Weird Tales and other magazines.
• Most stories were carried into The October Country, sometimes with significant revisions.
• The hosts compared versions where possible, noting interesting or revealing edits.

“We’ve read the Dark Carnival versions of most of the stories that we’re going to be talking about ... but if you’re going to read along, probably just buy The October Country.”
—Andrew (08:04)

2. The Carnival’s Not About ICP (14:26)

• Quick clarification: Bradbury’s Dark Carnival has nothing to do with the Insane Clown Posse’s "Dark Carnival" mythos. Sorry, Juggalos!

3. Bradbury’s Style: Twist-Endings and Campfire Tales (15:33 – 15:59)

• The stories are short, atmospheric, and often end with a twist.
• Bradbury balances horror with moments of dark humor and emotional depth, often leaving things ambiguous or unresolved for impact.

“He loves a twist. Like, these are all very anthology-of-horror-y ... there’s a campfire quality to a lot of them that I liked a lot.” —Andrew (15:33)

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The Stories Discussed

1. The Dead Man (16:17 – 18:56)

• Follows the peculiar Odd Martin, who claims to be dead, marries, and quietly disappears with his wife after buying a cemetery plot.
• Sets the tone: ambiguous, quirky, macabre.

2. Uncle Einar and The Homecoming (19:19–25:39; 49:07–56:13)

• Uncle Einar: A grounded, post-war tale of a winged vampire who loses his flight abilities and finds meaning by flying as a "kite" for his kids.
• The Homecoming: Follows Timothy, a human child among a family of supernatural beings, addressing themes of belonging and difference with pathos—think Addams Family meets Encanto.

“What if a vampire had a family life and had to adjust to it? How could he retain his sense of self?”
—Craig (25:39)

3. The Lake (32:40 – 38:15)

• Gentle ghost story about grief. A man revisits the lake where his childhood friend drowned, encounters closure (and a ghostly sandcastle).
• Noted for its elegant, haunting prose.

“It’s just a good little Ray ... you get a story about grief, there’s a teeny bit of a ghost in there. Just a little ghost.”
—Craig (37:03)

4. The Emissary (25:43 – 32:10)

• Martin, a sick boy confined to bed, experiences the outside world through his dog, Tori. After Tori’s absence, the dog brings him a visitor from beyond the grave—ambiguously implied to be a reanimated acquaintance.
• Striking for its open-ended finale and precise rewriting between editions.

5. The Scythe (38:21 – 48:30)

• Depression-era family inherits a rundown farm and a mysterious scythe. The new owner realizes he’s become Death, harvesting lives with every swing.
• Ends with him caught in an endless, grief-driven cycle of indiscriminate death, referencing global tragedies.

“...whoever finds this, you can have my house, and you can ... have my cool scythe ... who wields me, wields the world.”
—Andrew (40:27)

6. Skeleton (56:33 – 68:22)

• Andrew’s favorite: paranoid Mr. Harris becomes obsessed with the skeleton inside him, convinced it’s at war with his flesh. He seeks a bone specialist who ultimately removes his skeleton, leaving him a sentient jellyfish.
• Both funny and unsettling—a perfect example of Bradbury’s horror-comedy balance.

“Mr. Harris stood up. His skeleton was holding him up. This thing inside him, this invader, this horror ... It was like feeling someone just behind you who shouldn’t be there.” —Andrew (59:55)

7. The Jar (68:33 – 76:49)

• Charlie acquires a mysterious jar from a carnival. Townsfolk obsess over its ambiguous contents, projecting their fears and memories onto it. Charlie’s wife loathes it—and mysteriously disappears; the jar’s contents now seem to have blue eyes.
• Parable of small-town longing and the dark side of attention.

“Man so desperate for attention, he brings home a carny jar, and everybody just ... gawks at his jar.” —Craig (75:51)

8. The Small Assassin (76:48 – 89:30)

• A psychological horror: a new mother is convinced her baby is trying to kill her. She dies under suspicious circumstances; the father comes to share her fear; doctor is finally persuaded only after more tragedy. Ends with a doctor arming himself to confront the evil baby.
• Hosts discuss the story’s resonance with themes of postpartum anxiety, isolation, and parental fear, but also its pulp, almost Home Alone-like baby-as-killer absurdity.

“What if it wasn’t just normal baby stuff? What if the baby also just wanted to kill you?”
—Andrew (81:26)

9. Other Stories Covered

• Dead Man (see above), The Lake (see above)
• Other stories are briefly mentioned with similar observations of style, theme, and Bradbury’s penchant for ambiguous, memorable endings.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

On Bradbury’s Storytelling

• “Ray Bradbury, like, it’s—it’s, he’s funny when he means to be funny and creepy when he means to be creepy.” —Craig (91:05)

• “There’s a lot of similar skills in terms of setup and payoff ... there’s always a thin membrane between funny and scary.”
  —Craig (90:37)

Funniest Story

• “It’s occurred to me often that inside of me—and inside all of us—is a skeleton ... He wanted to dash into the bridge party, upset as a fox in a chicken yard... I won’t stand for it. It’s vulgar. It’s terrible. It’s frightening.”
  —Andrew, on Skeleton (57:01, 59:55)

On “The Small Assassin”

• “Suppose a few babies out of all the millions are able to move, see, hear, think ... perhaps one child in a million, changed to a billion... perfectly aware, able to think instinctively.”
  —Paraphrasing Dr. Bradbury, Small Assassin (88:30)

On Emotional Impact

• “I like that he was like, okay, I’m gonna give you a little story about grief ... just a little ghost ... and I really like the last sentence where ... after he encounters the ghost of his 12-year-old love, he looks at his wife and she is now a strange woman named Margaret.”
  —Craig (37:03)

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Structure & Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp (MM:SS) | | --- | --- | | Spooktober intro, premise & book history | 04:29 – 09:54 | | Ray Bradbury’s life and writing context | 10:04 – 13:22 | | Carnival/ICP clarification | 14:26 – 15:33 | | Story Tour: Dead Man | 16:17 – 18:56 | | Uncle Einar & Homecoming | 19:19 – 25:39; 49:07 – 56:13 | | The Emissary | 25:43 – 32:10 | | The Lake | 32:40 – 38:15 | | The Scythe | 38:21 – 48:30 | | Skeleton | 56:33 – 68:22 | | The Jar | 68:33 – 76:49 | | The Small Assassin | 76:48 – 89:30 | | Wrap-up, horror-comedy balance, closing remarks | 90:12 – 91:46 |

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Final Thoughts

• The stories chosen provide a range from darkly humorous to deeply unsettling, blending pulp-horror tropes with Bradbury’s signature lyricism.
• Bradbury’s ability to walk the line between the funny and the frightening is a highlight for both hosts.
• The conversation illustrates both the era’s anxieties (postwar malaise, family, death) and Bradbury’s timeless ability to make the mundane haunting.
• Episode closes with anticipation for the next Spooktober special—this time, a haunted baby story from the “Choose Your Own Nightmare” series.

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Summary by story for easy reference:

• The Dead Man: Ambiguous, quick punchline about a man who claims to be dead.
• Uncle Einar & Homecoming: Family of supernatural beings, exploring belonging and oddity.
• The Lake: Subtle ghost story about lost love and closure.
• The Emissary: Sick boy’s dog brings back something from the grave.
• The Scythe: Farmer inherits the curse of Death.
• Skeleton: Paranoid man’s war with his bones (hilarious & creepy).
• The Jar: Obsessive mystery and small-town gossip wrapped in a strange, possibly murderous object.
• The Small Assassin: Postpartum paranoia or baby-as-murderer pulp shocker.

Memorable Close:
“Stay away from jars, evil babies, and your own skeletons, everyone.”
—Craig (93:16)

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For those who haven't listened: This episode is an excellent primer on Bradbury's early weird fiction, full of laughs, chills, and thoughtful literary discussion, with story-by-story summaries, historical context, and the hosts’ trademark dry humor.

Transcript

[Andrew]

This is a headgum podcast. Craig, I know you love audiobooks.

[Craig]

I do love audiobooks.

[Andrew]

So the good news for you and for anybody else who likes audiobooks is that this episode of Overdue is brought to you by Audible and the Audible original Pride and Prejudice. You want to know more about this thing?

[Craig]

Please tell me more.

[Andrew]

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[Craig]

This new adaptation, Andrew, is vibrant. It sounds like to me you're just telling me about it. It's vibrant and it's modern. With an original new score by Grammy nominated composer. Whether you're fresh to Pride and Prejudice or you want to revisit a cherished favorite, you're in for a new and delightful listening experience. Before Enemies to lovers, there was Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. Pride and Prejudice is globally recognized as one of the greatest romance novels and ever written. So listen to the new Pride and [e-mail] janeaustin that's audible.com j-a n e a u S T E N this episode of Overdue is brought to you by Mint Mobile. If you, the listener, are still overpaying for wireless, it's time to say yes to saying no. At Mint Mobile, their favorite word is no. No contracts, no monthly bills, no overages, no hidden fees, no bs. Here's why you should say yes to making the switch and getting Premium Wireless for $15 a month.

[Andrew]

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[Craig]

This all sounds good. Andrew, could you call me to action please?

[Andrew]

I could call you to action using my phone on Mint Mobile. Are you ready to say yes to saying no? Make the [e-mail] overdue that's mintmobile.com overdue.

[Craig]

Upfront payment of $45 required equivalent to $15 a month limited time new customer offer for first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on an unlimited plan. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. While Andrew and Craig believe the joy of discovery is crucial to enjoying any well told tale, they will not shy.

[Andrew]

Away from spoiling specific story beats when necessary.

[Craig]

Plus, these are books you should have read by now. Boo everybody. It's Overdue A podcast about the podcast What? It's a podcast about the books you've been meaning to read. My name is Craig. I scared myself.

[Andrew]

My name is Andrew. I'm scared that you're scared.

[Craig]

This is going to be a very on the rails episode. As you can tell, everything has gone according to plan. We are here in the second week of Spooktober Speaktober where we all speak our truth all month long. And my truth is that we are here. We are here.

[Andrew]

We're here to read spooky stories and give each other chills and creeps. And this week we did that kind of by reading Dark Carnival by Ray Bradbury. Now this is a complicated tale. How we came It's a bit of a short story to the episode.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

So okay, I had wanted to try and do a baby themed spooktober that was all about spooky baby stories.

[Craig]

Correct.

[Andrew]

And this is mostly because we'd found the choose your own nightmare about the haunted baby.

[Craig]

Tune in next week.

[Andrew]

And then we also had found this Ray Bradbury story called the Small Assassin about a baby.

[Craig]

Uhhuh.

[Andrew]

And I like part of it was that I just failed. Like we'd already done Rosemary's Baby for an earlier spokes Spooktober and I just failed. I failed to get the necessary buy in from the other people in the OR organization to make the baby themed Spooked over app.

[Craig]

But you still got. You still got your two lead.

[Andrew]

I know, but I did. I did. I did put. There is a long list of other stories that could that could possibly have worked that we decided not to do.

[Craig]

Consider this an official request for proposals for other scary stories about babies.

[Andrew]

We're still. We're still. We still wanted to do the Small Assassin, but Small Assassin's just a little short story.

[Craig]

He's just a little guy.

[Andrew]

Just like a little baby.

[Craig]

Little baby story.

[Andrew]

And so we figured, okay, we'll do. We'll do some more Bradbury short stories.

[Craig]

Great. We've never invited. We've never invited Mr. Bradbury. Everybody loves Ray. We've never invited him to spooked over before.

[Andrew]

No, we did do something wicked, like a long time ago.

[Craig]

Well, we did the Martian Chronicles, episode 28. We did Something Wicked. This Way Comes episode 96. We did Fahrenheit 451, episode 274. We've hung out with Rey.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Just not during Spooktober.

[Craig]

We've never asked him to spook us like this before.

[Andrew]

And dark. So Dark Carnival, which has the small assassin in it, just happens to be his first published collection of.

[Craig]

No brainer for us.

[Andrew]

First place. We figured, fine, great. We're gonna do Dark Carnival, put it on the schedule, told everybody what the schedule was. Then we both went to read to.

[Craig]

Acquire a copy of it.

[Andrew]

Well, yes, that was a. That was the first thing. And you discovered that it was out of print. Largely possible, not impossible to get a copy of, but very difficult to get a copy of.

[Craig]

Very difficult.

[Andrew]

Mostly because this was published in 1947. Eight years later, in 1955, he publishes another story called the. Or another collection of stories called the October Country. That includes most of these, not all of them, but most of them, and then a few others. But some of them in like, pretty significantly revised form. I only read a couple of the. Like before and after.

[Craig]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew]

Stories. See what the changes are, but yeah, they're pretty substantial. And so he just didn't want this out anymore. Like, there was a. There was a reprint of it that happened, I think in the early 2000s with his blessing, but it's just not. It's not been in regular circulation for a long time. So it's very hard to find. Very hard to find a copy. I found some illicit ebooks that seem weirdly incomplete somehow. I think it's like a UK printing from 1948.

[Craig]

But we also bought copies of the October countries.

[Andrew]

We also bought copies of the October countries just in case.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

So we've. We've read the. In short, we've read the Dark Carnival versions of most of most of the stories that we're going to be talking about.

[Craig]

Yes. Today.

[Andrew]

But it was. It was. If you're going to read along, probably just buy the October Country.

[Craig]

Yeah, you could probably get there. We are gonna discuss.

[Andrew]

I wouldn't want to recommend people visit the websites that I visited to get an ebook copy of Dark Carnival.

[Craig]

I'll say that we are going to discuss nine stories. We're gonna do a selection of the Dark Carnival. We don't have time to play all the games at the carnival before we.

[Andrew]

Have to go and do everything.

[Craig]

Yeah, you gotta, you know, you gotta come back on day two, Right. So maybe we'll come back in the future.

[Andrew]

Elephant earring. You ride the. The centrifuge thing that like, pins you to the wall with the. By spinning around the big old spaceship.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

And you get sick and then you go home and you come back tomorrow.

[Craig]

Yes. So we are going to talk about several stories from the Dark Carnival. Nine of them are. I'm just pulling up my list so I make sure I don't miss any. We're gonna talk about the smallest assassin.

[Andrew]

We're gonna talk about the small Assassin, about an evil baby we both read that.

[Craig]

We're gonna talk about.

[Andrew]

You don't know it's an evil baby. It's just a baby that wants to murder.

[Craig]

That's right. An amoral baby. We'll.

[Andrew]

We'll get into it.

[Craig]

The Dead Man. Skeleton.

[Andrew]

Skeleton.

[Craig]

The Scythe. Emissary. The Emissary. Excuse me.

[Andrew]

The confused with the Deep Space Nine pilot.

[Craig]

Sure. The Homecoming, which has ever been publishes. Published as Homecoming, Uncle Einar. The Lake and the Jar. I don't know if we'll talk about them in that order, but those are the nine. We're covering a good smattering. I think we each ran into like, publication issues with the. With ones we had picked along the way.

[Andrew]

Yeah, yeah.

[Craig]

And we did like. We both read Small Assassin and then we each read four other ones. So we're gonna get. Give you a good, like, tour of the Carnival. But we don't work here, you know.

[Andrew]

Yeah. My four were Skeleton, Emissary, the Scythe.

[Craig]

And the Dead Man.

[Andrew]

The Dead man, yes.

[Craig]

So, yeah, and I read the other ones. So if you don't remember from the list I just read. You'll figure it out. Just a quick review of Mr. Bradbury. Born in 1920, died in 2012. This again, as Andrew said, is his first published collection, Dark Carnival. He had started publishing stories in 1938 when he joined the Los Angeles Sci Fi leagues. Fans like Sci Fi League. They had a fanzine called Imagination. But his first sale of a story was in 1941 when he. After he moved to New York City or traveled there and he started getting published in Weird Tales. A number of these stories that we'll talk about today got their start in the magazine Weird Tales. And then this was originally published 1947 by Arkham House. There were not that many copies published. 27 stories in the original edition. All but six had first been published elsewhere. And then 15 of them, as Andrew said, made it into that initial run of the October Country. Eight others have cropped up elsewhere. The Brits got a Small assassin collection, Andrew. In the UK there was a collection called the Small Assassin Man.

[Andrew]

What do we have to do to get that over here on our side of the pond?

[Craig]

But you could find them in the stories of Ray Bradbury, the October country, the Small Assassin, Bradbury Stories, a hundred of his most celebrated tales, and the Toynbee Convector, which I think is a.

[Andrew]

Story that sounds like a Doctor who episode.

[Craig]

I don't know. So the name of a collection. And to put it in context with some of the other books of his that we've read, this comes out a few years before the Martian Chronicles, which I believe was published in 1950. And then Fahrenheit 451 is 1953. And then I think Something Wicked is In the early 60s, 1962, I think.

[Andrew]

There are a lot of stories in this, in this book that are sort. You can. You can read them and then you can read Something Wicked and you can see sort of proto elements of what would become Something Wicked. Yes, in this, like. I don't know enough comprehensively to like talk about what the through lines are, but I know that they exist.

[Craig]

And we probably talked about in the Something Wicked episode, but some probably. There is a formative tale that Mr. Bradbury told about his life as a writer where he went to a carnival and a man named Mr. Electrico performed and he made himself a being of pure electricity and basically changed Ray Bradbury's life. He left his experience with Mr. Electrico just like he had to write stories. That's all he had. He was crying leaving the carnival because Mr. Electrico had shocked him. So it worked.

[Andrew]

I mean, it worked. He wrote a lot of stories.

[Craig]

He said live forever and otherwise. Yeah, that's what Mr. Electrico said to him. He said live forever. And that was Ray Bradbury's goal, to write all these stories. And here he is. He. Technically, he passed away in 2012, but he's still with us through his tables.

[Andrew]

We're still talking about him, aren't we?

[Craig]

Aren't we? Just let the question hang out there. So let's take a quick break, Andrew, and then we will come back with a tour of the carnival. Mr. Monopoly here. Monopoly is back at McDonald's. Register in the McDonald's app so you're ready to get your bag. Two ways to peel for a chance to get your bag physical peels with select items and digital peels with others. To get your bag, play Monopoly at McDonald's.

[Andrew]

No purchase necessary. See rolls at [e-mail] for full details and [e-mail] to play without purchase ends November 23rd, but bonus play ends November 2nd. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro. Copyright McDonald's.

[Craig]

Andrew, I forgot to clarify before the break. This episode and the collection, as far as I understand, have nothing to do with the Insane Clown Posse. If you are here because you love to Google things about the Insane Clown Posse and their Dark Carnival project of albums. Sorry, Juggalos.

[Andrew]

Sorry, Juggalos. Where are we culturally on the Juggalos? Because I feel like for a while we were like, you leave the Juggalos alone. They did nothing wrong. Are we still there?

[Craig]

I think some Juggalos have ever done plenty of things wrong, but I don't think that as a. I don't think that they are a monolith. I don't think that we can. Now, they do refer to themselves.

[Andrew]

We can't paint with too broad a brush full of clown makeup.

[Craig]

No, I don't think that we should do that. But I don't also want to vouch for Juggalos that I don't know either. Just like I probably shouldn't vouch for anybody I don't know. You know, don't trust anyone. That's why I always tell you this.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

I am the.

[Andrew]

Don't try. Don't trust anyone.

[Craig]

That's. That's definitely my worldview.

[Andrew]

Especially don't trust Ray Bradbury because he's twisting these twists turns. He loves a twist. Like these are all very anthology of horrory like Midnight Society, Goosebumps, Twilight Zone, whatever episodic sort of horror slash sci fi thing you want to pick. These are all in that vein. And I like that there's a campfire quality to a lot of them that I liked a lot.

[Craig]

Where do you want to start, Andrew?

[Andrew]

That's. Do we want to, like, alternate? Yeah, probably the stories that we told from like least to most interesting. Least to most interesting. And then end with Assassin.

[Craig]

That's fine with me. Yeah. I was gonna propose something similar. So. Yeah, we could do that.

[Andrew]

Okay. I mean, my. The first one I read was the Dead man, and it's about a guy named Odd Martin.

[Craig]

Okay. The Dead man, Weird Tales, 1945. Okay. Go ahead.

[Andrew]

A man named Odd Martin, who is dead.

[Craig]

Okay. What's so odd about him?

[Andrew]

There's a sort of. He's just odd because he seems. Because he says that he's dead, but to everybody around him, he just, like, seems like he's kind of faking it. He just kind of, like, slumps around town all the time, and he'll lay down, but then he'll get back up. And so nobody believes that he's actually dead, but he. I don't. There's like a. There's a hairstylist or a manicurist or something. She works in a. In a salon. And she. It's kind of implied to be kind of simple. And she likes Odd Martin because she. I don't know, she sees something, like, nice in him. And Odd Martin works together with a young neighborhood boy to get a nice suit and get married to this lady. And then they buy a house together. And then. But the. And then the next day after this happens, everybody's. Everybody's talking in this. In this salon, barber, whatever place where they all hang out all the time. And they're like, well, the only real estate guy in town says he didn't hear anything about anybody buying a house. But then. But then it turns out that they did talk to the guy who owns the cemetery and they bought a plot there instead of a house and nobody ever saw them again.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

So that's a dead man.

[Craig]

Okay. That is indicative to me of something that I like about a couple of the stories I read, is that he ends them in some interesting places.

[Andrew]

He ends them in interesting places. And it's often, like, for the length of the story, it's unclear, like, is this really happening to this person?

[Craig]

Sure.

[Andrew]

Is it literally the case that this. This person is being haunted in the exact way that the. That the book says that they are? And then right at the end, you usually get a little nudge into like, well, something's going on.

[Craig]

Something is going on. You're right.

[Andrew]

So did this one. Didn't leave like a ton of an impression on me. It's definitely not my favorite one of them, but it does a lot. It sets us up, I think, to talk about the rest of them is it's just like a little punchy thing there. You get a few characters, only a couple who have names at all. And then the thing that happens in the story happens, and then he's out, and then Ray's done.

[Craig]

Yes.

[Andrew]

He does not linger on a scenario for longer than leaves you thinking, yeah.

[Craig]

What now they own a house that's the.

[Andrew]

I mean, that's the carnival, man. You're not sitting around thinking about the whack a mole. You just do it and then you move on.

[Craig]

I'm torn between which one I want to start with. Do I want to start with Uncle Einar? Because I didn't. I don't have much.

[Andrew]

Because you read a bunch of ones that are in, like, a loose sequel.

[Craig]

I read.

[Andrew]

Right.

[Craig]

I read two of them that are connected. Uncle Einar and the Homecoming are connected. And in the edition that I read, the Homecoming actually came first. But I. I want to save that. And there's also the Lake, which is a standalone little tale that I like more than Uncle Einar.

[Andrew]

Hit me. Hit me with Uncle Einar. And then we can come back to these characters later, just like you do when you're reading that.

[Craig]

So you've met. When I read it, I'd already met Uncle Einar. He's a big vampire man with bat wings. He's got big green wings or something funny.

[Andrew]

He's got a funny name.

[Craig]

He has a funny name. I think he's from Europe. A little unclear, but what I know from the other story.

[Andrew]

Strike one. Strike one, yeah.

[Craig]

What I know from the other story, middle mid 20th century, who knows? Is. So this was original to the Dark Carnival. This story, Homecoming, which we'll talk about, had been published in Mademoiselle magazine in late 1946, early 47.

[Andrew]

Is that like a ladies fashion magazine, or is it a version of Mad magazine? That's for girls.

[Craig]

That's a great question. It was France in the 1940s. Who can say? Or who knows what if it was France? I don't know. What is it? What? It was Mademoiselle magazine. You look it up. I'm not the boss of you. Uncle Einar, he is a big vampire man from this family of supernatural vampire creatures that we meet in the Homecoming.

[Andrew]

Okay?

[Craig]

And he. On his flight in the evening. Because you don't fly during the day. It's wacky. You wouldn't go out during the day. And also someone would see you. That would be bad.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

He runs into, like, some sort of electrical tower. I believe they call it like a high tension, you know, wire.

[Andrew]

Like Mr. Electrico or whatever.

[Craig]

A little bit like Mr. Electrical. Yes. And it's bad for him. It wounds his wings. Wounds one of his wings. Burns his face a little bit. And he falls down into the woods. He gets electrocuted. He can't fly at night anymore after this injury he has lost. There's like Some. This is like, an interesting insight, is that with the wings comes some sort of, like, bat like sonar or something that helps him stay safe as he's flying in the darkness. And he can no longer do that. Something about the injury broke that ability. And so he falls down. He is tended to by a simple farm widow. Brunilla, I think her name is for simple. I think she's a widow, doesn't have anybody. She's running the farm by herself. He is a man with wings, and he's not trying to hide them, but he's not out there trying to be very public about it. And she's like, I don't know, whatever. You're a man with wings. That seems cool. I'm not pretty. And he's like, you're kind of pretty, but, like, you're one of those people who doesn't think they're pretty.

[Andrew]

And. But then she takes her glasses off.

[Craig]

I. They don't.

[Andrew]

It turns out that she was pretty.

[Craig]

I don't know if he revised the story to include that in later editions.

[Andrew]

I'd like to think that Ray Bradbury invented. She's all batting.

[Craig]

But they get married, they have kids. They talk briefly in the story that, like, maybe their kids are going to have wings. And it's kind of left a little unclear how that's going to go. But he's kind of. He's struggling with the family life. You know, he's never going to make it back to Europe. He can't really fly very far. He can't connect with his family the way he used to. His actual vampire family. It's kind of explained in the other story that, like, all the vampires have special gifts and powers. Some of them have wings, some of them can do other stuff. And he used to, like, you know, be a little Hermes and, like, fly all over the world for people. Can't do that anymore. He's feeling a bit bummed out. Maybe he's gonna just, like, leave his family. He doesn't even want to be with his family anymore. All they do is remind him of how much of not a vampire he is anymore. And then his little kids come up and they're like, daddy, we've entered a kite competition. We really want you to come watch our kite competition. And he's like, well, I can't come to your school because I have these big wings. And, like, that's fine, but you should watch it. And their love for him and their love for the kite competition, it sets a light bulb off in his head that he will be their kite. He can fly in the air for them because he can pretend to be their kite. He, like, he will take some string up with him whenever he goes and he wants to fly for them. And that's where it ends. Uncle Einar, he's a kite man.

[Andrew]

I guess that's kind of nice, though.

[Craig]

It is. It's not spooky at all, really. But that's fine. The lake wasn't spooky either.

[Andrew]

A mankite is kind of. I mean, if you went on the beach and you saw someone flying a man, you'd be like, whoa.

[Craig]

Mankite is like a F tier DC superhero.

[Andrew]

Mankind.

[Craig]

I did read, like. So I was, like, browsing the Internet about these stories. There was some blog I read that kind of mentioned a little bit the, like, this, like, kind of wounded man trope of, like, this husband who doesn't feel like he fits and doesn't have a purpose. And if you think about it as being written in the late 1940s, there's also some references in the homecoming to vampires being shot down over Europe. And so, like, an awareness of World War II. And, like, you come home and you're not the person you were, or you are adapting to a life with a different set of abilities or. You know, that seems kind of what Uncle Einar is up to. A little thoughtful. What if a vampire had a family life and he had to adjust to it? And how. How could he still, like, retain his sense of self, even if he can't do all the things he used to be able to do? So that's. That's Uncle Einar.

[Andrew]

Incredible.

[Craig]

Tell me about your next story.

[Andrew]

Okay, let's talk about the Emissary. The Emissary is not about Commander Benjamin Sisko. It is not coming to Deep Space nine and sort of finding a family and finding a purpose.

[Craig]

Does it take place in subspace?

[Andrew]

No, it's not in sub. No, it's on Earth.

[Craig]

Kirby's not here.

[Andrew]

No.

[Craig]

Okay. It is original to the Dark Carnival, this story.

[Andrew]

So. So this. This story, this is one of the ones where there's a pretty. There's some pretty substantial differences just in this one, where Bradbury basically took the story and kept the. The thrust of it, but, like, pretty much totally rewrote.

[Craig]

Oh, really?

[Andrew]

The bits and pieces of it for October country, at least the parts of it that I spot checked. Like, the biggest difference is that in Dark Carnival, the dog that is in the story is called Tori. And in the October country, the dog is called Dog with a capital B. Okay. But the deal is there's this boy. There's this boy named Martin who is bedridden with some kind of illness that's not like permanent, but is. But does require, like a long period of convalescence. And he's got this dog named Tori who comes in and brings with him, brings in visitors. He brings in, like, the smells of autumn. That's the. That's a big thing about what this dog is doing. Lying. What's it like outside? Tori, tell me. Lying there, Tori would tell him. Lying there, Martin would know what autumn was like. Like in the old days, before sickness put him to bed. His only contact with autumn now was this brief chill, this leaf flaked fur, this compact canine representation of summer gone. This autumn by proxy. So his only contact with the outside world is this dog.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

Tori sometimes brings in human visitors, including a woman who is like, sort of implied to be nice looking. Not sure how old Martin is. I think he's like. He's a kid, I think.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

But it's never really spelled out. Like, it's not like these two are betrothed to be wed. It's just like sometimes a pretty lady comes by.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

Because Tori brought her.

[Craig]

Sure.

[Andrew]

And. And he's just used to. He's used to getting all of his information about the outside world through this. The dog. The emissary. His emissary.

[Craig]

Oh, the dog.

[Andrew]

Yes, the dog is the emissary.

[Craig]

Okay. Okay.

[Andrew]

Not Commander Benjamin Sisko.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

So one day this. The lady, Martin's mom, comes up and is like, yeah, that lady died in an automobile accident. And it's very sad that this happens. And then shortly after that, Tori starts acting kind of strange. He stops. He stops bringing people by. And he does this for about. About a week. And then Tori stops coming back and Martin is like, well, shoot, I don't got my emissary no more. Nobody's coming to see me. I don't know what it's. I don't know what autumn is like outside anymore. He's very sad. And then one night, he hears in the distance a dog is barking. And he starts yelling for Tori to come to the house. And the dog barking is getting closer and closer. And then who busts into Martin's room but Tori?

[Craig]

The dog.

[Andrew]

And he hugs. Martin hugs Tori. But he smells bad. He smells like bad dirt that's had, like, stuff rotting in it. And he's like, the nice smells that Tory used to bring into the house are all gross and disgusting now. And then something is coming up the stairs and it comes into the room. And that's kind of the end of the story. What? And you just get to. You just get to. You just get to assume what you think. What you think. Tori brought with him into Martin's room. Yeah. Tori was a bad dog, always digging where he shouldn't dig. Tory was a good dog, always making friends so easily. Tori took to liking everybody. He brought them home with him. And now this latest visitor was coining. Was coming up the stairs. I think that coining up the stairs, I think, is some ocr. This latest visitor was coming up the stairs slowly, dragging one foot after the other. Painfully, slowly, slowly, slowly. Tori. Tori, where have you been? Screamed Martin. A clot of rank, crawling soil dropped from the dog's chest. The door to the bedroom moved inwards. Martin had company.

[Craig]

Okay, do you think many stories end.

[Andrew]

With, like, a bum, bum, bum?

[Craig]

Do you think it was the lady or just a zombie?

[Andrew]

It's probably the lady. Probably like it, but she's a zombie. Lady zombie.

[Craig]

Yes. And so it's interesting because it's like if it. If he went to the next scene. I'm just interested in his restraint. And sure, I'm. Some of it, I'm sure, is like, there's only so much room in Weird Tales for you, Ray, or like, whatever, but, like, you could imagine. And it's like a. More of a monkey's paw. Like, oh, I. The dog brought back my girlfriend, but she's dead now. And instead it's like, no, just. You want company?

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

Think about it.

[Andrew]

Yeah. And so, yeah, the. The October country version of it is not like the. It begins and ends in the same way, but just a lot of the actual, like, the nuts and bolts of the prose is just different, which is kind of interesting because I think you had some stuff you wanted to talk about for. I think, one of the later stories where there was a more, like, significant stylistic channel or just like, a bigger edit.

[Craig]

There's a bit. There's a big tent, there's a big snip in the small assassin that I caught. I did not do a close read of any of them, but that was what I was checking the ends, actually. Really. And there was, like, a big speech that he cut out of the small assassins.

[Andrew]

And, like, the. The skeleton story is pretty much the same, except some stuff is, like, lightly reordered, I think.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

Yeah. But this was this. Yeah. It's just funny that he was like, yeah, this dog had a name in this previous version of the story. But, you know, I think I need to just call it Dog. It's better if I guess, to drive home that it's a dog.

[Craig]

In case you forgot. In case you thought it was a person.

[Andrew]

I just like. I have this dog and I love him so much. And he's my only emissary to the outside world. And I shall call him Dog.

[Craig]

His name is Dog.

[Andrew]

His name is Dog.

[Craig]

All right.

[Andrew]

I thought it was fun.

[Craig]

It sounds fun. I like that. It reminds me of. There's a book called Gerald's Game by Stephen King that I haven't read in 25 years. I don't know if I can recommend it because I don't remember if it's good. I just remember that I read does involve a lady chained to a bed and a dog comes in sometimes sick. It's pretty weird. It's a weird book.

[Andrew]

The Emissary 2.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

By Stephen King.

[Craig]

By Stephen King. Let me talk about the lake. It's a weird tale story from 1944, purportedly. Ray Bradbury said he wrote it in about two hours and really liked it. It's a little. It's a slim little story. A young man, I think he's about 12 years old, is hanging out at Lake Bluff in Michigan with his mom. His name is Harold. It's the end of the lake season, as Bradbury writes. It was September in the last days, when things are getting sad for no reason. They're headed out west Tomorrow. He's gonna get on train, probably go back to school, moving with his mom or something like that. And he goes out alone into the water for a little bit. I think there's like a little bit where Bradbury talks about 12 being a time in your life where you start being alone more like as you as parents can leave you alone to yourself sort of thing. And sure, he's in the water and he starts calling out his friend Tally's name. Tally had drowned earlier that year. May either. The prior year, I don't think it was. When he says last May. I don't think it was earlier that summer. I think it must have been the year before. But she had gone in the water. And he says the lifeguard tried to persuade her to come out. She did not. He came back with only bits of water, weed and his big knuckled fingers. And Tally was gone. She would not sit across from me at school any longer or chase indoor balls on the brick streets on summer nights. She had gone too far out and the lake would not let her return. And as he thinks about her, he Builds a little sandcastle on the beach the way that they used to, but he only builds half of it because he can't finish it without her. And then he goes west and he grows up. I like this kind of montage paragraph. Andrew. I lengthened my bones, put flesh on them. Changed my young mind for an older one. Threw away clothes as they no longer fitted. Shifted from grammar to high school to college books to law books. And then there was a young woman in Sacramento. I knew her for a time and we were married. I continued my law study. By the time I was 22, I had almost forgotten what the east was like. Margaret suggested that our delayed honeymoon be taken back in that direction. Ooh, I like, I lengthened my bones and put flesh on them.

[Andrew]

My bones. That's like when we talk about the skeleton story, you're going to understand why I'm having a. Why I'm like, oh, about that.

[Craig]

Well, it's also like, that's one way to say that you grew up. If you're. You lengthened your bones and put flesh on them.

[Andrew]

I guess it's like it's only a specific part of your life that you're really lengthened. And the old bones, that's true. The rest of the time, bones be shrinking or something.

[Craig]

You're doing other things that you don't want them to do. Yeah. His wife is now wife, 10 years later, has said, why don't we go back to kind of this area that you grew up in for a honeymoon. We'll spend some time by the lake. It'll be wonderful. And he's like, that's fine. I haven't been here in 10 years. Let's go to the lake, I guess. And a lifeguard brings in a body.

[Andrew]

Wouldn't you know it's the White Lotus episode.

[Craig]

Of course, you can surmise that it is the long lost body of this girl who drowned 10 years ago. And he's feeling kind of emotional about it.

[Andrew]

Sure.

[Craig]

And then he see as he walks away from this exchange with the lifeguard, he sees a half built sandcastle on the beach and some little kid footprints leading into the water but not returning. And he goes up and he finishes the sandcastle. I built the rest of it up very slowly. And I arose and turned away and walked off so as not to watch it crumble in the waves. As all things crumble. I walked back up the beach to where a strange woman named Margaret was waiting for me, smiling. I like that. He was like, okay, I'm gonna give you a little story. About grief. There's gonna be a teeny bit of a ghost in there. Just a little ghost. Just a little water ghost.

[Andrew]

A skosh of a ghost.

[Craig]

And also I really like the last sentence where he is like. Cuz it is made clear earlier in the story that he like as a 12 year old love this girl as much as a 12 year old can understand what love is. He loved this young girl who, who passed away and so now he's like married and then he encounters the ghost of his 12 year old love and he looks at his wife and she is now a strange woman named Margaret. Yeah, it's just a good little Ray. Just Ray just doing his thing, you know, he's just.

[Andrew]

He's been brought back into the, into the past so much that his own wife has become strange to him. I'm sure that she becomes unstrange later again.

[Craig]

Yeah, that's their honeymoon.

[Andrew]

In that moment. In that moment she's strange.

[Craig]

Yes. So a cool little tale. I can see why Bradbury liked it. It's very elegant, it's pretty straightforward but.

[Andrew]

It'S got a good closed loop to it.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

And it's, you know, you do the sand castle. It's not like this girl's going to be haunting you the rest of forever. Like you get, you get your closure.

[Craig]

Yes, it's. It is all it. It is not like he was haunted by sand castles for 10 years.

[Andrew]

Yeah, right.

[Craig]

You know, it's like, oh no, she was.

[Andrew]

Every time he was near a body of water, at least she was back.

[Craig]

Yeah. Okay, tell me about your next story, Andrew.

[Andrew]

Okay, I'm going to talk to you now about the scythe.

[Craig]

The scythe.

[Andrew]

A scythe. This is in sort of a. Sort of a Grapes of Wrath times, okay. Where a family is driving around in their truck and they are on hard times. He's a farmer. He's got farmer's hands.

[Craig]

But they're his hands.

[Andrew]

He keeps. Yeah, he keeps. Yeah. He didn't like take a farmer's hands but he just keeps looking at his hands and thinking, well I got farmer's hands. But my farm like blew away and the dust.

[Craig]

Oh, okay. And so I'm left with these farmer hands.

[Andrew]

I'm left with these farmers hands. But I got no farm.

[Craig]

A bit of a. A bit of a gold watch chain, turtle, turtle shell clips situation I guess.

[Andrew]

Gave him. Nobody gave him the farmer's hands.

[Craig]

He gave them two.

[Andrew]

I guess life did. Yeah. But he is. They, they don't have anything to eat. It's him and his Wife and his two kids. And she is like, man, we got to go up to this house and like, ask, ask for something or else the kids are gonna starve. And he says, man, I've never asked, I've never begged for anything, and I don't want to start now. But then he. He steals himself and gets the resolve and he goes into the house to ask whoever it is who lives there if he has any food to spare. And what he finds is a man in his bed who's just died and he's got like a. Like a bit of wheat, like a wheat plant that he's holding in his. That he's holding in his dead hands. But this man has apparently just died and he has left a letter that's kind of. Kind of gets his affairs in order. And it says, you know, whoever finds this, you can have my house and you can have the. All the food that's here, and you can have everything. And you can also have my cool scythe and all the stuff that goes with it.

[Craig]

Andrew, is this the Santa Claus?

[Andrew]

It's kind of the Santa Claus, but what if the Grim Reaper instead of Santa Claus.

[Craig]

Okay, okay.

[Andrew]

Words were scratched on its blade. Who wields me, wields the world. It didn't mean much to him right at that moment. So, yeah, whatever his name or origin shall be, it will not matter. The farm is his and the wheat the scythe, and the task ordained there too. And so you get these very specific, very specific little claws about. You get the scythe and everything. The scythe and everything. Scythe. You get the scythe and everything that goes with it. And then the scythe is very ominous. And it says, who wields me, wields the world on it. And Drew, the guy with the farmer's hands is just like, yeah, whatever. I'm mostly concerned with this cool turn of luck.

[Craig]

Yeah. His family's hungry.

[Andrew]

Yeah. And so they got this nice house. They spend the next couple days fixing it up. They got these big fields of wheat. They got this scythe, this cool scythe that just has words engraved on it for no reason. Must have bought it from an Apple store or something in 2003 and got it engraved like. You get your ipod engraved. Did you ever get an ipod engraved?

[Craig]

I would never get an ipod engraved. I got. I was pretty late.

[Andrew]

Tank the resale.

[Craig]

I was pretty late to getting an ipod in general.

[Andrew]

Yeah, me too.

[Craig]

I spent a few years with a very low capacity MP3 player that I think could basically hold the two disc MP3 is from the Jekyll and Hyde musical on it. That's about.

[Andrew]

I think I remember. I think I remember you schlepping this thing around. It was not doing your best.

[Craig]

I think I had an ipod by the time I. Somewhere, freshman year, I think I got an ipod because I. I do remember a UPS man coming into my room to collect the box that I had my ipod in it to send it back for repair. That's its own haunting short story. I was in my bed and a man came into my room to take my ipod.

[Andrew]

Holy cow, an ipod.

[Craig]

I don't even think I knew people were doing that, engraving ipods like they're trees.

[Andrew]

Yeah, I think you. You still get some apple stuff engraved, I think. I'm not. I'm not.

[Craig]

Most people are probably wise to why you wouldn't.

[Andrew]

No, don't do that. No, don't do that. And so he's like, yeah, this seems cool. This is cool. What? What? What? How lucky it is that this has happened.

[Craig]

How fortuitous.

[Andrew]

And so he get. He picks up this scythe and he goes out into the wheat field. It's time. Time to. Time to get some scything done. Time to start. Start reaping some stuff. And he finds, like, these fields are so big that he could work these fields for a long time and never, like, go back over the same spot. And also, the weed is really weird because it. Right. It keeps, like, ripening totally randomly, and then you cut it, and then it rots almost instantly. But then new green shoots of wheat start coming up out of the ground really quickly after that.

[Craig]

So we can't eat any of this.

[Andrew]

So we can't. So we can't eat it. I mean, he's got other food that's in the house. Like, the food situation is squared away and is separate from all of it.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

But he, you know, he can't. He can't eat any of this weed. He can't sell it. It's just like a weird, weird wheat thing. But then one day when he decides, this is stupid, I'm not going to do this. Like, he gets so itchy about not going out with the scythe and not doing the stuff. It's like he had a third arm that had been cut off. And then until he goes and gets the scythe and starts. Starts reaping all the wheat again. And then one day, he's reaping wheat and one of the pieces of wheat screams at him.

[Craig]

Ah.

[Andrew]

He's like, oh, wait, that was my. That one was my Mom. I just killed my mom.

[Craig]

Ah, this.

[Andrew]

I should say this is the one story that was not. I did not have a dark carnival version of this. I could not find a. Oh, the book that had the original version of the side. So I am just reading about the. I'm reading from the October country version.

[Craig]

Great, great.

[Andrew]

If it's. If it's significantly different from the dark carnival version, I don't know, but.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

I'm assuming the gist of it is similar differences we've talked about so far.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

And he come. He. You know, he comes to realize that this man. This man who died and left in this house in the scythe, left him the horrible job of being the grim Reaper. And he one day is. Is going through the fields and he realizes which bits of wheat are his family. Oh, no, I'm never. I'm never gonna harvest this. These. My family and I can never. His wife is like, we should call someone from the government and get them to check out this weird. All the weird fields around this house. And he's like, no, we can never do that because they might kill the wheat that is my family, and I can't let them do that.

[Craig]

That's an amazing. We can't. That's why we can't tell the government not. I'm death now. It doesn't matter.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

And so it comes time that his family wheat kind of needs to be harvested, but he doesn't want to do it, and so he doesn't do it. And so his wife and. His wife and kids both seem kind of lethargic and they go to bed, and then that night their house burns down. And. But. But none of them have a scratch on them. They aren't. They aren't dead. They are, but they are just laying there breathing and not doing anything anymore. So they're in, like, this space now. And he's discovered that this is what happens when he tries to, like, play God and not kill people when their time has come is like the thing that happens that was going to take them is just going to happen. And then they're going to be weird, like comatose vegetable people.

[Craig]

So it doesn't go full urban legend or what's the final destination? It doesn't go full, like. And then just like, cartoonish things start happening to try to kill them that they can run away from.

[Andrew]

No, no, it doesn't. No, it's not like that. But stuff does start happening. And so he's. He is. He's like, man, fine, fine. I'll use the scythe. You want me to use the stupid scythe? I'll be the Grim Reaper. I'll scythe everything.

[Craig]

No goes.

[Andrew]

He goes out in to the field and he starts just indiscriminately cutting down everything in the field. Like some things that are ripe and ready to go and some things that are green and still coming up. And then the book, the book takes a turn. Oh, and then, sobbing wildly, he rose above the grain again and again and hewed to left and right and to the left, to left and to right and to left and to right, over and over and over, slicing out huge scars and green wheat and ripe wheat with no selection and no care. Cursing over and over, swearing, laughing. The blade swinging up in the sun and falling in the sun with a singing whistle down. Do you want to guess what is happening when he's doing this?

[Craig]

Is this.

[Andrew]

World War II bombs shattered London, Moscow, Tokyo. The blade swung insanely and the kilns of Belsen and Buchenwald took fire. The blade sang crimson wet and mushrooms vomited out blind suns at white Sands. Hiroshima, Bikini and up through. And in continental Siberian skies the grain wept in a green rain falling. Korea, Indochina, Egypt, India trembled, Asia stirred, Africa awoke in the night. And the blade went on, rising, crashing, severing with the fury and the rage of a man who has lost and lost so much they no longer cares what he does to the world. And so basically this guy is just eternally cutting down his wheat feel now dropping. And every bad, every person who's like died before their time in the entire world since then is because this guy has been driven mad with grief in his wheat field.

[Craig]

That's bonkers.

[Andrew]

I know.

[Craig]

How does it end?

[Andrew]

That's the end.

[Craig]

That's the ending.

[Andrew]

But they get no help and no answer. The farmer in the field is too busy, even after all these years too busy slashing and chopping the green wheat instead of the ripe. And Drew Erickson moves on with his scythe with the light of blind suns and a look of white fire in his never sleeping eyes. On and on and on. The end.

[Craig]

Oh, no. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[Andrew]

The Scythe.

[Craig]

That's a cool story.

[Andrew]

That's a cool story. It's my third favorite of the four that I read. That's the position that I read it in.

[Craig]

I'm getting some of my publication history stuff from the Internet speculative fiction database and the synopsis for the Scythe is A family takes over an abandoned farm. But find it comes with a greater responsibility.

[Andrew]

Yeah, that's that's true. I mean, it doesn't quite. Doesn't want. You don't want to spoil it. It doesn't quite capture.

[Craig]

No, it does not.

[Andrew]

But, yeah, the base, that's the basic.

[Craig]

Of it, I guess that's pretty cool. Next up for me, I think I've done the lake. I've done Uncle Einar. I think I'm gonna do homecoming. Okay, mademoiselle. 1946-47. This is the family of vampire and supernatural creatures who have gathered at their ancestral home somewhere in Illinois.

[Andrew]

And this is before their uncle is a kite. Or after.

[Craig]

I believe it is before because he does fly here. He does show up on Glionworm.

[Andrew]

Okay. And not like on the string of a kite, like, on his own.

[Craig]

And this is a story about Timothy, who lives with this, like, kind of Addams family of vampires and. But he does not appear to be one.

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Craig]

He may just be a little human boy. I don't.

[Andrew]

A real Guillermo.

[Craig]

Yeah, Guillermo. A. He's got. He's not a little stinker. So it's not Kevin McAllister, but there is kind of the manic energy of early Home Alone in this story where, like, everyone is enjoying a family reunion except this boy. And nobody cares for him. There's also some, like.

[Andrew]

Sounds like a Guillermo to me.

[Craig]

There's also some Mirabel from Encanto in here where, like, her whole family has special powers and she doesn't sort of thing. And so Timothy. I don't. I don't recall the story being this explicit, but as I was reading about this tale, it referenced that he's like a little human boy left on their stoop. I'm not sure if that's clarified in another story or if I just kind of missed it in this one. He doesn't like the taste of blood. He sleeps in a bed, not a coffin. He likes daytime. He has a mirror. You know, he's not one of the family.

[Andrew]

This. This sounds like a setup for some kind of a sitcom where a little bit higher family would have to learn to love this little misfit human a little bit.

[Craig]

And so the stakes are raised because this big.

[Andrew]

Ooh, the stakes. But do they plunge down into anybody's chest?

[Craig]

They do not. The. There's a family reunion happening. People coming from all over the world and they're like, the story's kind of, you know, it's not a full novel. It's being really slippery with, like, what its vampire rules are. Are they. Some of them appear to be able to turn into like wolves and stuff, but they're not werewolves. They're just part of the big supernatural creature family. It never says the word vampires as people talk about drinking blood, right? There's a couple references to, like. Well, yeah, one guy in the family, he runs a mortuary and he gets us blood all the time. He just, like, drains. He just brings the blood out of all the dead people.

[Andrew]

That's the vampire equivalent of your uncle working at Nintendo.

[Craig]

Yeah. There's also a guy in the family who has become a priest. Or. No, wait, that was an uncle Einar. There's a guy who became a priest and they thought it was funny because I think they needed a. They needed a vampire priest to do Uncle Einar's wedding. Anyway, Timothy has a bunch of siblings, none of whom like him. His sister Cece, short for Cecilia, I believe, has this, like, she just spends all day up in her bed. She doesn't come down ever. But she has.

[Andrew]

Great.

[Craig]

I know, but she has, like, a special pop into other people's body's power where she can jump into your head and can either kind of control you or just see what's going on. Kind of an Internet of things just bopping between stuff, you know? And at one point, she tells Timothy, like, a story about making a woman walk into what I believe are supposed to be the La Brea Tar Pits. Like, started as a story about dinosaurs, and then all of a sudden, she's in a lady's head, and then she's in a bird watching the lady walk into the Tar Pits. Because. Why not?

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Craig]

And Timothy's going around and he doesn't feel connected to his family. It's very sad. He's on the outs with all them and he doesn't know what he's gonna do. Because also, as. As he thinks about later in the story, the next family reunion is going to be in several decades. Will he be alive? Will he. He's probably not going to be a vampire. It's. The book doesn't really talk about how you become a vampire in the first place. So he. You know, the only person who really shows him any kindness is Uncle Einar. Kind of shows up, will, you know, toss him up in the air as if he's flying. We'll just talk to him like a person. It's very nice of Uncle Einar. He does go. Timothy, he does go to CC and he's like, I am, like, feeling pretty bad about all this. Could you please help me somehow? And so he welcomes her into his body so that He.

[Andrew]

She.

[Craig]

You know, she makes him, like, eat a bunch of toadstools, which is apparently, like, a. Like, a rite of passage, I guess. She makes him, like, bite his sister's neck and, like, drink her blood. And then she makes him, like, pretend to fly and, like, jump off a flight of stairs and humiliate himself. And Uncle Einar has to catch him, and he's very, very sad and humiliated. Though she does get forgiveness when she gives him the gift of, like. I guess she can also put your perspective in other people's bodies, and you can just see what's going on with other people. So she does that for him. So he kind of gets to feel.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Cool, like, security cam situation.

[Craig]

And so you don't want to check.

[Andrew]

The privacy policy on that.

[Craig]

Yeah. Everybody, like, you know, nobody reads the full document. Like, everybody said that they were okay with it, and you can settle it in arbitration. And so he gets to kind of experience everybody's supernatural life vicariously. Like, very brief, safely. And then the story ends with him kind of sad about everybody getting ready to leave and that he might not be alive for the next reunion. And then his mom says to him, we all love you, no matter how different you are. No matter if you leave us one day. And if. And if. And when you die, your bones will lie undisturbed. We'll see to that. You'll lie at ease forever. I'll come and see you every Hallows Eve and tuck you in. The more secure.

[Andrew]

That's nice.

[Craig]

And then he goes upstairs crying.

[Andrew]

Very sweet.

[Craig]

Yeah. When you die, we'll take care of your bones, my boy. And he walks up to his bedroom crying. And that's the end of the story.

[Andrew]

That's all any of us want, is just for somebody to take care of our bones when we die.

[Craig]

I know. It's this really interesting. I can see how it would spawn a couple of other stories, because you've got these different vampire characters flitting through who all have different abilities and things.

[Andrew]

Mm.

[Craig]

But it's just an interesting little story about a sad boy who doesn't fit in. Yeah.

[Andrew]

And he just happens to be a vampire.

[Craig]

You just. Well, he's not.

[Andrew]

Well, he just happens to be in a family of vampires.

[Craig]

Yes. And he doesn't belong. So that's the homecoming. Are we. Are we here?

[Andrew]

The Skeleton.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

The Skeleton is my favorite story.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

I've ever. That I've ever read.

[Craig]

That you've ever read in this or any book.

[Andrew]

Craig. It's. It's occurred to me often that inside of me. And inside of all of us is a skeleton.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Have you ever. You ever thought about that?

[Craig]

It kind of weirded me out a few months ago when Simon first said that he had bones inside.

[Andrew]

He does have bones inside of him.

[Craig]

I know. Him knowing that kind of weirded me. For some reason, I didn't teach him about the bones. I don't remember how he heard about them. But, yes, we all have skeletons inside of us. We have a Skellington living in each of us.

[Andrew]

Well, Mr. Harris is a man who is especially bothered by the skeleton that lives. That lives inside of him.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

He, you know, he is going to a doctor, a regular doctor, and he's been to see this doctor, like, 10 or 11 times. And the doctor's basically just laughing him off and sending him home, like, treating him. Treating him like a woman. Basically treating him like a woman who tries to get medical attention.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Laughing at. Laughing at his symptoms and sending him along. And so, like so many people, he turns to homeopathy. Oh, Harris looks through a directory. He passed his finger down a list of bone specialists. Found one named M. Moonigant Moon. Munigant lacked an MD or any other academical lettering behind his name. And his office was conveniently near. Three blocks down, one block over, he goes to Mr. Munigant's office. Harris does. And Munigant's like, yeah, you gotta. You got skeleton. You got bone problems. Let me. Let me in there. But you have to. But if my treatments are going to work, you have to really, really want them to work. And Harris is like, well, sure. Can you try to help me? And Imune Gant tries to reach into his, like, mouth, and his body just goes into these spasms. It's really painful.

[Craig]

He's just.

[Andrew]

And he, in Munigan is like, oh, you're not ready yet. You gotta get out of here. And he gives him a weird breadstick and sends him on his way.

[Craig]

And you're here, your family.

[Andrew]

And Harris is at home. And he's just kind of dealing with, like, having all of these aches and pains. And then he has a realization. His teeth began to chatter. God almighty, he thought, why haven't I realized it? All these years, all these years I've gone around with a skeleton inside me. Skeleton is all in caps. He wanted to dash into the bridge party, upset at a fox in a chicken yard, the cards fluttering all around like chicken feathers, burst upwards in clouds. He stopped himself only with a violent, trembling effort. Now, now, man, control yourself. This is a revelation. Take it for what it's worth. Understand it. Savor it. But a skeleton screamed his subconscious. I won't stand for it. It's vulgar. It's terrible. It's frightening. Skeletons are horrors. They clink and tinkle and rattle in old castles hung from oaken beams, making long, indolently rustling pendulums on the wind.

[Craig]

He's, like, upset that he's got the cartoon skeleton.

[Andrew]

He's got, like a creepy Disney cartoon skeleton inside. Mr. Harris stood up. His skeleton was holding him up. This thing inside him, this invader, this horror, was supporting his arms, legs and head. It was like feeling someone just behind you who shouldn't be there. With every step he took, he realized how dependent he was on this other thing. Lord. Shouted Mr. Harris inwardly. When they talk or eat, part of their skeleton shows their teeth. I never thought of that. He's just always thinking about his skeleton.

[Craig]

This speaks to you.

[Andrew]

And his skeleton is just like. Is making him really aware of it. And he believes that his skeleton is fighting him now and trying to win.

[Craig]

I can't remember if you're the first person who called teeth inside bones to me.

[Andrew]

I think I heard that on an episode of Kimmy Schmidt. I can't claim to have invented that. Teeth are outside bones and they hang from your gums like bats.

[Craig]

Okay, that's a Kimmy Schmidt. Okay, but I heard it from. From you. Okay, so I see. I see why this is speaking to you.

[Andrew]

So now he's just going around to everybody at work and trying to, like, touch their bones and, like, just, like, figure out what the deal is with skeletons. The next morning and all afternoon at his downtown office, Mr. Harris found that the shape, sizes, shapes and constructions of various bones in his body displeased him. At 10am he has to feel Mr. Smith's elbow. One moment, Mr. Smith obliged, but scouts suspiciously. This is one paragraph I'm going to read you real quick that is different. In October country vs Carnival, he does this. But the. But the like. The middle part of the paragraph has been snipped from October Country. And after lunch, Mr. Harris asked to touch Ms. Laurel shoulder blade. And she immediately pushed herself back against him, purring like a kitten, shutting her eyes in the mistaken belief that he wished to examine a few other anatomical delicacies. Ms. Laurel, he snapped. Stop that. The part about the anatomical delicacies did not make it. Dogs over country that the part is gone. And the skeleton, his skeleton is just kind of waiting, just like lurking and waiting inside him. And then he start. And then he starts losing weight. The scale says 164. And he says, why, I've weighed 175 for 10 years. I can't. I've lost 10 pounds. He examined his cheeks in the fly dotted mirror. Cold, primitive fear rushed over him and odd little shivers. Hold on, I know what you're about. You. He's just like yelling at his skeleton for trying to get him to lose weight and win. And then he's like, well, I'm gonna eat a bunch of food to make. To make my skeleton, to beat my skeleton. And then he was about to drink milk when he stopped and poured it into evasive nasturtiums. No calcium for you, my boy. No more calcium for you. Never again shall I eat foods with calcium or other bone fortifying minerals. I'll eat for one of us, not both, my lad. So he's just in a big fight with his skeleton and his wife is like, listen, I've heard you muttering and it seems like you're in a fight with your skeleton, but you and your skeleton have to learn to get along like an old married couple because you're one nation under God, indivisible is what she says, basically. And any way he loses more weight and he weighs 150 pounds. And his wife is like, well, you were a little, you were a little chunky for your height. And she says, I like your face. It's so much nicer. The lines of it are so firm and strong now. They're not my lines, they're his. Damn him. You mean to say you like him better than you like me?

[Craig]

What? And this is not like something happened to this man. He just kind of like woke up one day with a realization that his skeleton was against.

[Andrew]

Yeah, that. Well, and he did go to Mr. Munigant's office and he did eat a weird breadstick.

[Craig]

He ate the weird breadstick.

[Andrew]

He ate a weird breadstick. And now he's kind of in a fight with his skeleton. And then the next thing that happens is he sees a fat man out, out and about. And he's like, man, that guy seems like he knows how to keep his skeleton down because he.

[Craig]

Oh my God.

[Andrew]

And so he goes up to him and he's. And he starts the conversation just by saying glands, like trying to divine why this fat man is fat. Oh, cool. And the fat man, you know, they don't get into skeleton talk here. But the fat man does say, well, what you need to do is you need to get married to somebody who has, like, friends that you hate and you need to get a really stressful job. And then you'll discover that eating is like the best thing that exists in the whole world. And that's how you can get fat. I've worked on this body for 20 years. He says he's very proud of it. And I just think there's something beautiful about, about the pride that this man takes in his body.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

But Harris can't. He can't make himself do this. Like, he just can't. He can't beat his skeleton, okay. Even though he's sitting around thinking, like, I'm the one who thinks I'm the. I'm. Even if I didn't have you, you skeleton. And then the skull, like, squeezes his brain and makes him hurt really bad. So he's going through life just being in a fight with his own skeleton. And he gets so desperate that he calls Mr. Munigant again. And Mr. Munigant comes over and Harris is like, laid out. His wife has gone to go volunteer at the Red Cross for like three hours.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

And Munagant comes over and is like, yeah, you seem like your skeleton does not seem on board, but finally the fleshy part of you seems ready for my treatments. And so it gets, it gets a little like, hand wavy as to what happens in this, in this section, but what you then shift to Harris's wife, who's coming home from her evening of volunteering and just thinking about the Red Cross and how much she likes the Red Cross. And she, she passes by this guy on the street who smells like iodine and he's eating kind of a familiar looking, like, long white snack and he's kind of sucking the juice out of the middle of it and he seems like he's having a really good snack. And then she gets home and she, she stared at the floor for 20 seconds, trying to understand. She screamed. Outside in the sycamore darkness, the little man pierced a long white stick with intermittent holes. Then softly sighing, lips puckered, played a little sad tune upon the improvised instrument to accompany the shrill and awful singing of Clarice's voice as she stood in the living room. Many times as a little girl, Clarisse had run on the beach sand, stepped on a jellyfish and screamed. It was not so bad finding an intact, gelatine skinned jellyfish in one's living room. One could step back from it. It was when the jellyfish called you by name.

[Craig]

What he wanted to eat his bones.

[Andrew]

Mewtygat took his skeleton and he ate it. And then he left his living like, man jelly on the floor of his living room. But he's not dead. He's still alive.

[Craig]

This really tickled you, this weird tale.

[Andrew]

I like this weird story of a man being just in a full on war with his own skeleton.

[Craig]

Uh huh.

[Andrew]

You can see why I liked it. I can tell you.

[Craig]

It's very silly.

[Andrew]

It's very silly.

[Craig]

It's like.

[Andrew]

It is just like yelling it. He's yelling at his skeleton.

[Craig]

Uh huh.

[Andrew]

And it's so goofy and it's not clear whether he just has sort of diagnosable issues or if his skeleton is actually at war with him. But he thinks he's at war with his skeleton.

[Craig]

Yeah, sure. Which is really all that matters.

[Andrew]

And it's really like he. You get just enough about him and the life that he leads. Like he's really big in the field of ceramics that he's about to go get a business loan for like a kiln.

[Craig]

Oh wow.

[Andrew]

He's gonna get himself all set up and he's gonna have, he's gonna do a really good time. But then he gets in a big fight with his skeleton. His wife seems really nice and like.

[Craig]

Yeah, it's a shame.

[Andrew]

And he's got women who work at his office who just are really like sitting around waiting for him to touch them, I guess.

[Craig]

Yeah, that's strange.

[Andrew]

But no, it's that evil skeleton. That evil skeleton.

[Craig]

Okay, this is my.

[Andrew]

So if you ever, if you ever sit around and think about how you have a skeleton inside you, just like, don't let it go too far. And don't eat the weird breadsticks.

[Craig]

Don't eat the weird breadsticks.

[Andrew]

The weird long white breadsticks that your weird homeopathy guy gives to you to fix your bone problems.

[Craig]

Don't do that.

[Andrew]

Don't do it.

[Craig]

Let me tell you about the jar, Andrew. It's a weird tale from 1944. This guy Charlie goes to a carnival.

[Andrew]

And is it a like a light carnival? Like a kind of a carnival?

[Craig]

Are we talking about pretty dim, pretty nighttime specific?

[Andrew]

Some kind of a dark carnival?

[Craig]

Some kind of a dark carnival. And he is really entranced inside this one tent by a jar. There's something in the jar floating in some serum. You can't really tell what it is. Is it a brain? Is it a little creature that's dead? Did it used to be human? Can you even really tell what it is? He's in, he's really invested in this jar. And the carny guy kind of pops his head and he's like, hey, we gotta Wrap up this carnival. And Charlie's like, how much for the jar? And the carny does some carny stuff. And ultimately Charlie buys the jar for 12 whole dollars. And he's like, boy, howdy, I can't wait to bring this jar home. It's just so such a cool jar. I'm gonna put it in my house. And he is driving home, and he first goes right to the general store where all the dudes in town who don't think much of Charlie at all, he is here to impress them and their basic response to him as he comes in, they're like, hey, what's up, Charlie? Whatever. And then he pulls out this jar, and they're like, what is that? There is a guy. I believe his name is Tom Carmody. He's like the doubter of the story. He's like, this whatever, that's just a jar. And everyone else is like, what is in the jar? I need to know about the jar. And he's at his house. For the first time in years, Charlie was happy as tall corn growing after a drought. It was gratifying of an evening to hear boots shushing through the tall grass, the sound of men spitting into the ditch prior to setting foot on the porch, the sound of heavy bodies creaking across it, and the groan of the house as yet another shoulder leaned against its frame door. And another voice said as a hairy wrist wiped clean the questioning mouth, can I come in? So basically, he's gotten, like, a new big TV for the big game, and everyone is coming over to look at his cool jar. And he loves it. And his wife hates it. His wife hates the jar. She thinks it's stupid.

[Andrew]

The leg lamp from a Christmas tree.

[Craig]

It's very leg lamp. It's very leg lamp. And his wife, like, doesn't want anything to do with it. The. Their marriage is not great. He thought that maybe the jar would impress her. It does not. And there's, like, this thing where she.

[Andrew]

Routinely always be, always be trying to impress ladies with their cool, mysterious jars.

[Craig]

Never works jars. And, like, she will, like, leave him for her, like, go to her family for just, like, weeks at a time. She's like, runs off, doesn't want to spend any time with him. But he is so happy now that people are coming to his house daily to come look at this jar. And we kind of get, like, one running scene of people looking at the jar, though it is implied that it. It's happening over and over again. And this is just kind of representative, right? Where, like, first Everybody comes over and nobody says anything. And nobody looks at the jar directly. They're all just like. Just like here, just at Charlie's house, just hanging out. And after about 30 minutes, everybody's just staring at the jar, just looking at the jar. They don't know what it is. And then after another 30 minutes, everybody's talking about the jar. What's in it? What could it be? And then after another 30 minutes, everybody starts offering their own theories. Like, okay, you know, one guy's like, oh, it's like. Reminds me of this, like, frog I caught. This other lady, you know, tells a story where she thinks it might be her kid. After, like, Charlie kind of offers up his own kind of carny tale of like, what if it's just a person from the swamp? It could be anybody.

[Andrew]

Could be.

[Craig]

And she's like, my kid disappeared in a swamp. It's my kid. There's like a leap. There's like a guy who comes in and is like, oh, I think it's like part of creation. There is one edit I noticed between the two versions. There's like an older lady, Granny Carnation, who in, you know, gets interrupted by Tom Carmody the doubter at one point. But then she says, like I was saying, that thing on the shelf, why couldn't it be sort of all things? Lots of things. What they call a. A symbol. That's it. A symbol. Symbol of all the nights and days in the dead canebrake. Why does it have to be one thing? Maybe it's lots. I like the revised version of this graph. More like I was saying before the storm. That thing on the shelf, why couldn't it be sort of all things? Lots of things. All kinds of life, death, I don't know. Mix rain and sun and muck and jelly. All that together. Grass and snakes and children and mist and all the nights and days in the dead canebrake. Why does it have to be one thing? Maybe it's lots. So everybody's just kind of like putting their hopes and dreams and wishes and nightmares into the place.

[Andrew]

Blue skying about what could be in this mystery jar.

[Craig]

It's kind of wonderful. And Charlie loves just being the center of the town square, you know. But of course, his wife Theedy and Tom Carmody don't like the jar. And one day thede comes home and she claims that she went to the carnival of all and that she talked to the carney boss. And she's like, you'll never believe what it is. Charlie. He's like, don't tell me. And she goes, it's junk. It's papier mache and junk. And he's like, I don't even believe that you went to the carney, boss. I hate it. Why would you ruin my life like this? And that scene ends with him like approaching her, yelling, here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. In a way that does not seem fun.

[Andrew]

Yeah, it seems threatening. And then text.

[Craig]

We cut to another day of jar gawkers. And they're all going, does it have blue eyes now?

[Andrew]

Oh, no.

[Craig]

And Tom Carmody is there looking very scared. Tom Carmody shivering in the summer night, staring in at the jar. Charlie glancing up at it, rolling a cigarette, casually at peace and calm, very certain of his life and thoughts. That's not the exact final line, but that line really stood out to me. And it just ends with Charlie loving having people come look at this jar. And who knows what could be in it with the blue eyes. It's definitely didn't have definitively blue eyes before. And nobody's seen thede she. Yeah, she went back to her family, clearly.

[Andrew]

Yeah, whatever. Who cares?

[Craig]

The jar.

[Andrew]

Everybody come look at my mystery jar.

[Craig]

It doesn't have my wife in it. It never did.

[Andrew]

No.

[Craig]

It's a fun story.

[Andrew]

It's ridiculous you would even ask me if it has my wife in it.

[Craig]

I like, man so desperate for attention, he brings home a carny jar and.

[Andrew]

And everybody come look at it.

[Craig]

Everybody just stands in his house gawking at his jar.

[Andrew]

Tell you what, if you ever invite me over to your house to look at a jar, I know what I'm doing. And it's not that.

[Craig]

Coming over to.

[Andrew]

Your house to look at your jar.

[Craig]

I think if I've ever invited you over to look at a jar, I don't think I have.

[Andrew]

That would be a great theme for a Halloween party, though, actually. It's just to have a jar party. Like, don't. Don't tell anybody anything about it. Just invite everybody over on Halloween. Look at my. Look at my cool jar.

[Craig]

Just put.

[Andrew]

I think automatically people would just like come and be like, could you give us any more information? You're like, no, no. And then the rest of it just kind of does itself.

[Craig]

I. Maybe that's what happened to Ray. Maybe that's where the story came from. He went to a jar party. Andrew, we got to talk about the small assassin. We got to bring it home here with the small. Where would you.

[Andrew]

Where would you place small assassin? In the. In the. In your ranking of the ones that you do. I feel like it's right in the middle for me. Like, I did not like it as much as. As you hope, perhaps, our skeleton.

[Craig]

I think it's.

[Andrew]

It's. It feels like. And this is. You know, again, I read the dark carnival version and not. Not the Halloween country version. So I don't know what's different between them. It does. It feels like it's brushing up against some stuff that. That Rosemary's Baby plays with a little bit about, like, I don't know, like, postpartum and just, like, feeling alienated from the thing that you just birthed.

[Craig]

I feel like. I feel like there's a lot of this scary baby stuff.

[Andrew]

Yeah. But Bradbury's also doing it in, like, 1947, so there's maybe, like, not all the, like, the language and. And stuff there for that. For an actual discussion of it. Yeah. Like, it comes up. It approaches being being a symbol for that, but then it just ends up being a more basic, straightforward, like, evil baby situation. I think.

[Craig]

I think he's trying to kind of have it both ways. This is probably like my second or third of the. Of the ones that I read on some days. I might put the lake above this. I'm putting Jar number one.

[Andrew]

Jar's number one. Skeleton's number one for me.

[Craig]

Obviously, I didn't dislike Einar and Homecoming. They're of a piece with one another, so kind of why I read them. But, yeah. Small Assassin, I think. Okay. This originally, I believe, debuted in Dime Mystery magazine. That's what I saw. Anyway. A lady is scared of the baby coming out of her. She's having a cesarean section.

[Andrew]

And it begins with her being like, I didn't know that this. That something was trying to murder me until it was already happening or whatever.

[Craig]

Rough. Rough birth and rough time after the birth. Saying that this baby tried to kill her and she doesn't want anything to do with this baby.

[Andrew]

And the doctor invites her husband into his office. Like, your wife has a serious case of crazy brain.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

And you need to be really nice to her for the next year. She's going to seem like she's a terrible mother. And we just have to keep. We have. We have to make sure we send her to a head shrinker if she shows any signs of being a terrible weather.

[Craig]

It does not have the words postpartum in it. Like a postpartum depression to use. It does. I think, at my most charitable. I can see it just dealing with this theme broadly. And, like, what if we don't. What if when someone tells you something's up, you don't listen, is kind of like the takeaway, but then, yes, it also becomes a baby slasher story. So she knows that something's up with the baby. From the jump, I think something's up with the baby. I mean, she knows in her heart of hearts, because she's telling.

[Andrew]

This is another story where it's like, is this baby actually a murderer or.

[Craig]

Is this lady just. Yes.

[Andrew]

Kind of offer nut a little bit.

[Craig]

She has a long conversation with her husband about how she knows that the baby is too young. Here's how she knows the baby is dangerous because it is too young to understand human law or love. And those are the two things that protect us from harming one another.

[Andrew]

That the whole terror that she goes on where she's like, like, me and you, baby. We were in this relationship together, and we both looked out for and protected each other.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Now this third thing is in here, and we have to protect it, but it doesn't protect us. Like, what am I getting out of. What am I getting out of this baby?

[Craig]

We are vulnerable to the baby, she says, and, like, that. Some of that stuff is, like, kind of interesting where it's like, yeah, we have invited into our lives something that can give us very little in, like, safety and care. And, like, we are now at the whims of something that we can never fully control.

[Andrew]

Those first, like, you know, the fourth trimester, basically, the first, like, two or three months right after was some of the hardest because specifically because, like, Henry could not give anything back at all. Like, even on the level of, like, a smile or some kind of acknowledgment that we were other people who existed. You know, there's just, like, nothing that they can give you in that. In that early phase. And so it's an interesting. Like, what if it wasn't just normal baby stuff? What if it was that the baby also just wanted to kill you?

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

In an interesting space with that.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Observation. Yeah.

[Craig]

She refers to the kid as so new, so amoral, so conscious, conscience free, which is interesting. And then they hear a noise and they go check on the kid. And it is clearly red face and breathing heavily, but it has not been crying. What was it doing? Nobody knows.

[Andrew]

Lifting weights.

[Craig]

Our boy Dave goes on a trip probably. He gets a call that his wife Alice has gotten pneumonia. The baby's fine. He's got to go home. She stayed up for too many days with the baby and got pneumonia.

[Andrew]

Yeah. The baby was crying too much to Keep her awake. So she got pneumonia.

[Craig]

And as soon as the doctor leaves the room, she's like, the baby did it on purpose.

[Andrew]

The baby did this to me.

[Craig]

And she. And she tried. This part is like, was upsetting to read about. She did try to kill the baby.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

And it's not very old, and it flipped back onto its back. It should not have been able to do that. And so that's kind of upsetting to read.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

A few months later, he. Things are going okay, but he almost slips. Andrew.

[Andrew]

He almost slips on a doll at the top of the steps when he. The baby wakes up and is crying and he has to go get some milk.

[Craig]

Yes. And it's.

[Andrew]

Again, baby is doing Kevin McAllister.

[Craig]

Yeah. His home alone. More home alone going on. He's like, that's kind of weird.

[Andrew]

And then he. And he almost gets hit by a big can of paint that's tied to a rope that swings down from the ceiling.

[Craig]

He and his wife are talking a day or two later, I guess, and they talk about maybe going on a vacation. He's like, hey, maybe you should see, you know, a psychiatrist. She's like, yeah, we could probably set that up.

[Andrew]

When he goes on some other, like, trip, right? Like another business trip or something. He's out of the house for a bit.

[Craig]

He is out of. Out of the house for a bit. But he comes home. Andrew.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah, he's just. He's just at work for that day.

[Craig]

Yeah, he's just at work and he comes home. Things. Things were feeling okay. Maybe they were gonna get somewhere. And he comes home and she is looking like a broken toy herself at the bottom of the stairs. She is dead.

[Andrew]

The baby did the old toy at the top of the stairs again.

[Craig]

And it got her.

[Andrew]

And it got her. This is why I always got frustrated with Roadrunner cartoons, is I feel like the coyote was way. Was not willing enough to iterate on the same idea multiple times to improve his execution. It was always just like, erase the whole drawing board. We got start again.

[Craig]

That is.

[Andrew]

I think. I think that's why he failed.

[Craig]

That is why Cobra Commander, Megatron, your Saturday morning villains also never got anywhere because, yes, they would have a scheme for 20 minutes and then they would just throw it out the second it doesn't work.

[Andrew]

Yeah. I was like, you aren't. You aren't going to get tricked by the boulder with the painting of a road on it a second time. Well, that. That's more mad. That's more magical, I guess. I guess because the roadrunner can run down the road. That's why.

[Craig]

That's why it's so frustrating for him.

[Andrew]

Yeah. No, but when he's. When he's just buying stuff out of the ACME catalog, like anvils and bombs and stuff, he should be more willing.

[Craig]

To find a different vendor.

[Andrew]

Well, I don't. Yeah. It is important to have multiple vendors.

[Craig]

Get a few quotes.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Get it. Don't always go with the lowest bidder. Is one. Is one thing about contracting, but, yeah, also just, like, be. Be willing to. Be willing to fail. I mean, he's got that part down, but also.

[Craig]

I don't.

[Andrew]

Try, try, try again. You know, try the same thing again.

[Craig]

I've never seen him, like, even consult a single YouTube. Like, just, like, try to learn a new skill.

[Andrew]

Yeah, you would probably find a lot of stuff on YouTube about how to make metal pellets look like birdseed.

[Craig]

Yeah, it's. Unfortunately, it's probably out there.

[Andrew]

Mm.

[Craig]

Just don't get radicalized, Coyote. You're already radical enough already.

[Andrew]

Quiet. He's very violent. Yeah.

[Craig]

The. He calls the doctor. David does, and he's like, I'm calling this kid Lucifer. I hate this baby. It killed my wife.

[Andrew]

And this doctor. This is another, like, 1940s of it all, I guess, is the doctor's like, you just need a good night's sleep.

[Craig]

I know.

[Andrew]

He's like, there's no.

[Craig]

There's no.

[Andrew]

There's no cbs, no CPS to call and be like, yeah, this guy's wife just died. And he wants to name the baby Lucifer. And he's thinking about killing the baby.

[Craig]

This man should be at the police station. Probably, like, they should be checking him out in case he did any of this. But no.

[Andrew]

But then this little. So he sends David home with enough tranquilizer to knock him out for 15 hours. And then this little. This little Bart Simpson stinker baby runs into the bedroom and opens a gas valve.

[Craig]

Yeah. And so the doc comes in and is like, wow, it smells like gas in here. I gave that man enough sleeping pills that he should not have been able to do any of this if he was trying to take his own life.

[Andrew]

And then the doctor. The next. The doctor's very next thought is, oh, it must. It must be the evil baby.

[Craig]

He hears the noise, he grabs a scalpel out of his bag, and the end of story. He's gonna fight that baby. I guess he's gonna fight the baby.

[Andrew]

And he's, like, trying to. Trying to lure the baby over because he has a shiny object and Then the last line of it, I think is like, oh, it's a scalpel. Is the shiny object.

[Craig]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[Andrew]

Why bringing a scalpel to a gas fight. I feel like the baby could blow you up.

[Craig]

Pretty easy, huh?

[Andrew]

Assuming the baby has access to fire.

[Craig]

Yeah, there's a whole section.

[Andrew]

Or if the baby, like set up an old western movie to sound like it was gonna like threaten and shoot. Shoot the doctor. Yeah, like in Home Alone.

[Craig]

Yeah. There's a lot in David's rant to the doctor about this evil baby that is very good.

[Andrew]

You know, it almost approaches the absurdity of skeleton to me. Like there was a specific kind of pitch to that.

[Craig]

Yeah, sure, I can see that.

[Andrew]

To the rambling and skeleton. That really tickled me. And this is as close as evil baby story got for me.

[Craig]

He's talking about how like babies resent being born into a lousy world like this one and that suppose a few babies out of all the millions are able to move, see, hear, think, like many animals and insects can. What if they, you know, perhaps one child in a million changed to billion in October. Country is strange, Born perfectly aware, able to think instinctively. And then he goes on a big rant about how the baby would have like a perfect opportunity to like kill the mom because nobody suspects a baby.

[Andrew]

Baby is the perfect sleeper agent.

[Craig]

Yes. And then it ends. It ends with like, now would be the time to strike. And then in the dark carnival version, he goes on to say, and later, this child, secretly aware, becoming more aware each and every day, would learn new things about position, money, security. The child would see that through money. It might eventually provide itself with a self built womb of comforts, warmth and aloneness. And naturally, it might pay to destroy the father whose insurance policies for $20,000 are made out of the wife and baby. Yep, that's all cut out of, made.

[Andrew]

Out of the baby. What's the baby gonna come to the bank and be like, yeah, I have this will?

[Craig]

And he says, he says, I admit the baby isn't old enough for that motivation. Money is something beyond it, but hatred is not. None of this is in the, the revised version.

[Andrew]

Oh, man, that's, that's too bad because that's, that's my favorite part is when he's talking about how this baby isn't old enough to be motivated by money yet. But he will be.

[Craig]

But he will be.

[Andrew]

He will be.

[Craig]

That's pretty funny to me.

[Andrew]

Awful close to being the pitch for the movie Baby Geniuses. Also, like, it doesn't Quite get up there, because I think every baby in Baby Geniuses has access to the secrets of the universe. And then you cross over.

[Craig]

Oh, yes, yes.

[Andrew]

But it's close. It's close.

[Craig]

I don't know why it's called the Small Assassin. That implies that he's hired.

[Andrew]

No, because the baby's killing people. It's been hired by the devil. Who is it? Who's making these babies? Smart, Craig. It's got to be some kind of intelligent design.

[Craig]

It's possible, yeah. Ray Bradbury, he's the one designing them.

[Andrew]

But, yeah, that's some intelligent design.

[Craig]

It was a fun little tale.

[Andrew]

These were all fun. They're a lot of fun. Even though I'm thinking about my skeleton.

[Craig]

Yeah, I think kind of an under. As somebody who's not in horror all the time, I am always struck by how thin the, like, the membrane is between funny and scary. And I'm always grateful when authors can kind of hop between those pretty quick.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Being able to work in both registers is pretty good.

[Craig]

Yeah. And you can. There's a lot of similar skills in terms of setup and payoff, so.

[Andrew]

And when. I mean, when you're talking about horror, too, like, there's so many times when comedy becomes unintentional because of, like, bad effects or, like, cheesy writing or, like, you're dealing in tropes, like, to. Without. Without thinking about them hard enough. And Brad Bradbury, like, it's. It's. He's funny when he means to be funny and creepy when he means to be creepy.

[Craig]

Yeah, he's a funny creep.

[Andrew]

Like your weird jellyfish husband talking to you from the floor after his skeleton is removed from his body by the bone specialist.

[Craig]

I just want all my friends to come over and look at the jar. Okay, wife, let me watch my jar in peace.

[Andrew]

I think I know what I'm gonna get you for Christmas now.

[Craig]

Great. It's the new elf on his shoulder.

[Andrew]

Breadsticks. I'm gonna get you weird breadsticks. Okay.

[Craig]

Delicious. Get. Fight. My own skeleton. My God. That's the rules. All right, everybody. Andrew, thanks, reading, for reading this book with me. We had some fun, had some laughs.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah, we had some fun. Even though we had a lot of, like, not so much fun trying to, like, reverse engineer this episode after we realized our goof up.

[Craig]

Yeah, fine.

[Andrew]

But I think. I think this was. Ended up being a dark carnival episode of Overdue in the end.

[Craig]

It did. It did.

[Andrew]

We got there.

[Craig]

Thanks, everybody, for listening. You can send us an email with your favorite carnival game or your favorite evil baby name. Overdupodmail.com find us on social media at Overdue Pod. We're on Instagram and Blue sky most of the time these days. Our theme song is composed by Nick Larangis. Andrew. If folks want to know more about the show, where do they go?

[Andrew]

Overdue Podcast.com is our Internet website where we have all the links that Craig just mentioned and also the books that we have read and the ones we are going to read. Also patreon.com overdue pod is a link to our Patreon page. You can give us some money directly to support the show. Buy us equipment, buy us books. Buy us expensive copies of out of print. Choose your own adventure books.

[Craig]

Yep, more on that next week.

[Andrew]

Yes, more of that next week when we read the Haunted Baby by Edward Packard which is choose youe Own nightmare book number 13.

[Craig]

Yep.

[Andrew]

And also. Yeah. Patreon.com overduepod to get access to the sillymarillion, which is our long read series to get ad free episodes to get access to our Discord community, our monthly newsletter and some other stuff.

[Craig]

Yeah, that's that.

[Andrew]

I think that's that.

[Craig]

Stay away from jars, evil babies and your own skeletons, everyone.

[Andrew]

Yeah. And we'll, we'll be back to the evil baby well next week. Well, I mean a haunted baby.

[Craig]

Yeah, it's just a really like.

[Andrew]

It'S not the baby doing the haunting necessarily. It is a baby that is being haunted by something. Yeah, we'll figure it out.

[Craig]

We'll try.

[Andrew]

Until we haunt you next week. Keep an eye on your skeleton and try to be happy.

[Craig]

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[Andrew]

Come earlier every year.

[Craig]

For shingles that keep you dry when.

[Andrew]

The sky comes down.

[Craig]

For siding that stands up to the harshest winds. Certified Certainteed contractors get the job done right the first time to make sure your home is built for what if built for what's next? Built for this. Certainteed Built for this.