← Pablo Torre Finds Out
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- [00:00]
A
Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out. I am Pablo Torre. And today we're gonna find out what this sound is.
- [00:07]
B
If you were a man and that AutoZone employee came out there behind you to do anything to your car, use a. Use a.
- [00:18]
A
Right after this ad, you're listening to Giraffe Kings.
- [00:36]
B
The first nine years of my career, I drove half a million miles. God. Between two different car. Two odometers. Total odometers. Half a million. And now I'm like, bro, I used to be white out conditions in Aspen drafting 18 wheelers.
- [00:55]
A
Like NASCAR drafting an 18 wheeler.
- [00:58]
B
Drafting an 18 wheeler in a snowstorm.
- [01:01]
A
Waiting for those Mario Kart. What is it like when you see. When you're, like, right nearby, you get a special boost?
- [01:07]
B
Yeah. Yeah. Shake and bait engaged. Because in my brain in slushy conditions, I would rather be closer on an 18 wheeler because it's throwing the water in the air so it's not under my tires. The wipers can handle visibility. Just don't get too close if he jackknifes that you don't have range to stuff. But, like, that's the calculations I used to make. And now I'm the dude in the right lane. I'm doing five under the limit. I got a podcast going. I'm chilling.
- [01:41]
A
So the reason that Roy Wood Jr. Is back in our podcast studio in New York chilling with me is not simply because he's the author of a standup special that I love called Lonely Flowers over on Hulu, and also the host of have I Got News for your on cnn. Roy is here because, like me, he finds himself trying to safely navigate the wreckage that is 2025, a year in which every institution in our country, from our economy to our politics to our media, is not simply changing human behavior, but also just crashing into each other all of the time, which has the effect of disconnecting us and breaking us apart. But to stop going fast and furious on the freeway behind the wheel is also a massive change in personal behavior for Roy Wood Jr. Because Roy, who is an Alabama native, had a way of life as a prolific road comic that over obeyed one urgent iron law.
- [02:49]
B
If you don't make it, you don't get paid.
- [02:51]
A
I've always thought of you as a guy who is. You're a master of the road, like you are. There's a journalistic sensibility to you and your comedy, but it is born of you seeing the country. And now what you're saying is you don't want to see it in the way that you Used to see it, at least when it comes to the driving aspect of it.
- [03:07]
B
I give you a perfect example. I'm doing a project with MLB Network that'll come out later during baseball season. And so we needed to get to Port St. Lucie to shoot some stuff with spring training and whatever. Well, the closest airport is West Palm and that's a rental car plus 45 minutes. The easier flight is Orlando, but Orlando's a two hour drive to Port St. Lucie. I said, man, just fly me to West Palm so I can drive 45 minutes and I'll figure it out. The old me would have flown to Jacksonville. Say what up to two of my homeboys who I ain't seen in a while. Ran over to Tallahassee. Yo, what's up man? All right, I gotta go. I gotta go down to Port St. Louis and then driven for. I'd have had a six hour day before and then shot. Now I'm just. All right, I'll end at 9, cameras roll at 2. There's two contingency flights after the 9am flight. I'll still make the shoot on time. All right, let's do it.
- [04:04]
A
What accounts for that difference in desire? Is it energy? Is it, is it actually fearing the mortality rates of being on the road this often?
- [04:12]
B
Why are you doing that? It's a little bit of that. It's more mortality. But then there's also just. I'm 46 and I'm not 2026, so there's a little bit of that as well. But I, I still love having the freedom to stop and pull over and smell the flowers and go in a Stuckey's and look at stupid trinkets and drift through a cracker barrel and play is this racist? As you look through certain on the shelf. But.
- [04:43]
A
And it's, it's, it's, it's racist pretty often is is my working hypothesis.
- [04:47]
B
It feels, it's not like they're not like selling swastikas and cracker barrel. Like, it's just, it's stuff that you feel like a racist person would also enjoy. Like non racist would also enjoy this rocking chair. But I bet you racist really enjoy this rocking. So yeah, for me, man, it's, it's just when I'm out, it's. All right, what are the calculated risks here? And I mean cars are just wild because you can't control like the two places where you have to have the utmost of trust in another human being to behave is the freeway and a gun range. It's literally blind trust. On this particular day that everybody in this space is having a good day and is sober and is paying attention to what they're doing. And if there aren't, something could go wrong. So I don't know. My spidey senses tend to be up when I'm in both places. Like, I've gone in gun ranges to shoot guns and just not like the vibe, just that dude looks like he's practicing for something that's not competition. But yeah, everybody should shoot a gun at least once. And then you can go, all right, nah, but. But you know, there's people that just go with the gun represents and the power and it's a death weapon. I don't want to touch it. But you know, I don't own a gun, but I go shoot guns. I don't know what that means. I feel like it's like, I don't know, I feel like I'm gonna do that. Like goes to a strip club but doesn't like own porn.
- [06:19]
A
I was gonna make a parallel though. I was gonna make the parallel. Right. So we're talking again. Your special Only Flowers is about the loss of connection in human civilization and particularly in America. And one of the things I think about when it comes to the isolation of people who are like porn addicts, it's like better them in the porn gun range than them out in the street. Is there a substitution effect of like, hey, I'm really into this. I can only get these off in a very controlled environment.
- [06:46]
B
I had a joke that didn't make the special about how there before you buy a gun, you should be forced to off and like you like as part of whatever the federal background clarity should be legislated. And then you come back in here and now like, it's either a three day wait or off right now.
- [07:05]
A
Fully agree at the register. There's a booth.
- [07:10]
B
There's a booth.
- [07:12]
A
There's a blue tent. Like on an NFL.
- [07:14]
B
You want this gun or you don't broke.
- [07:33]
A
So as I'm watching your special, which is on Hulu, and you've talked about this a bunch, I want to avoid talking to you about exactly the things you've talked about, with the exception of one joke, which is a classic. It's the unintended consequences of what happens when you eliminate cashiers.
- [07:48]
B
Yeah.
- [07:49]
A
And when you institute self checkout, it's.
- [07:51]
B
A lot of people that's alone in a basement just loading a rifle and once a week they need a snack. And that cashier was the connection. That's the job of the cashier to make lonely people feel like they have a connection. She asking them about his dog and shit house. Mr. Gibbles, if you live alone and the cashier ask you about your dog, that will you ride that high for two months. You go home and look at that rifle, man, I'm tripping. Let me put this rifle up. I got a friend at the grocery store. I can't be out here murdering.
- [08:30]
A
It's, it's, it works. Because it is brilliant, obvious, and yet, until now, unsaid in this way.
- [08:38]
B
You missed the small talk. You miss the small talk. And like, if you're lonely, right, and you're just. You live by yourself, you talk to no one. That cashier might be your only human contact this week. And that person might literally be the only person who gives a about you and makes you feel cared for, which forces you to move in love out in the world. And maybe not murder. Maybe you were gonna murder and then this cashier reached out to you. How's like the cat food comes down the belch. Oh, you're changing the cat food. You're not like the other cat food that those little things matter. So when I used to be a server at Golden Corral, bro, we had customers who would come in and just sit alone. And like. Yes, but consistently every week they would come in and sit, like depending on what the night was. It was always like if it's steak night or if it's, you know, it's burger bar night, whatever. There were certain people, this is their thing, and they come here and they read their paper, or some people, they call it now raw dog. And they would just sit and raw dog a restaurant. It's 97, 98. You're not really getting cell data like, like you're not cruising the Internet the way you can now at a table. So you had to pull out a magazine or just sit there and be alone in your thoughts. And those people, especially the old ones, always appreciated, you know, that. That level of connection. Something that was, that was really cool, man. Like in Los Angeles they do. I can. In Los Angeles then. I don't know what they do now, but in 2014, 15, whatever. A lot of the live multi camera sitcoms, some of the people in the studio audience are people from nursing homes, people from halfway houses, people that are going through recovery and like legitimately, people who deserve a place to feel connected and laugh and have some degree of optimism.
- [10:43]
A
I didn't realize existence that that was part of the dynamic.
- [10:47]
B
Yeah, they have like at least on the Warner Brothers lot where we were shooting Sullivan and son for 200, 300 seats. But a certain amount of those seats are blocked off and allocated for groups and homes and whatever. Like the trip to the sitcom is the reward for not relapsing. Like, just something to give you a mile marker. Juveniles, all of that, man, like, and they would be in there and just be in the spot and just laughing and just having a good time. And he'd go over and talk and shoot the. With him between takes or whatever. And I think that actively figuring out ways to connect with people, man, you know, that's the thing that's part of why I like traveling with my son, is that it creates opportunities for communication. Cause I just think also kids don't talk to their parents. I also think to a degree, parents don't ask the right questions.
- [11:48]
A
Do you find that their kids to talk about? There was a fascinating study someone was telling me about, or at least it was an MIT professor who was telling me. And maybe this was anecdotal experience, but what he found was that when he was on a road trip and both people were staring out the window and not looking at each other, they just found that conversation was that much easier. There was something about sharing the experience of being next to somebody and not like holding them to any sort of visual account. And I wonder if that's something that you found with your son.
- [12:21]
B
Yeah. Cause you know, there's some parts of him, personality wise, that are 1,000% me. And I just. I get it. You want to draw fighter jets shooting fire trucks. And you. What if the fire truck had an ice missile and you could just shoot that at the fire and put some liquid hydrogen in a missile and drop it on. And I'm like, no, that's not a bad idea. To solve the wildfire issue.
- [12:47]
A
I did, I did have the thought, like, can't we get a bigger helicopter with more water? Isn't that part of some sort of solution we can arrive at here?
- [12:55]
B
I know, I know that the aerial attack on forest fires, I know it helps immensely, but watching at home on tv, it just always seems like they just flicked a little bit of water. But then you see the footage. No, it was like 23,000 gallons in that one plane. And it helped a lot.
- [13:12]
A
Yeah, it's just like you guys got to unlock the better. The better ice missile stuff in the video game. You're still in, like, you know, rookie.
- [13:19]
B
Level tank, the tank of liquid O2 that froze the T1000 in Terminator.
- [13:25]
A
That's right.
- [13:26]
B
Drop one of them. I wouldn't help that one. That feels better than water.
- [13:32]
A
It's where. It's where I feel the most. Like Trump is where I have questions like, what if we nuked the hurricane?
- [13:40]
B
It could. Maybe we could.
- [13:44]
A
You said the hurricane's a problem. Yeah, we have an answer.
- [13:47]
B
Except for the fact that hurricanes have more kinetic energy than most nuclear bombs. It's just spread out all over the place and happening at the same time. It doesn't all explode at once.
- [13:55]
A
Mr. Wizard. Watching ass dad with your science facts.
- [14:00]
B
Mr. Wizard straight looked like he was on a watch list. But if I tell you that it smells, you don't want to put your nose right over the top. Cause scientists always do it like this. You smelling it. Mm. What is it? I don't know, but it sure smells really strong. Yeah, it's ammonia. Nothing but respect for you, Mr. Wizard. I don't know if you're still alive or not, but just. It just. It had all the makings of. He has to report whenever he moves and changes addresses. But he's doing science.
- [14:35]
A
The late, great Mr. Wizard.
- [14:37]
B
Oh, he's out of here as of.
- [14:39]
A
07, rest his soul. It just feels like one of those titles that you read in parentheses and with quote marks in, like the deposition document. Yeah, Mr. Wizard.
- [14:55]
B
Yeah, man. But that was my man.
- [14:57]
A
I have noticed, though, in all of this, like, what you're really talking about is the value of certainly in grocery stores of small talk. And that's what sports was always. Yeah, that was always what sports was for me was a way to connect with people. Whether it's at a wedding reception in Arkansas or whether it's just friends at school. Like, I also speak your language fluently.
- [15:20]
B
To me, the easiest way to connect with any stranger is sports or collective complaining about whatever's happening in that moment.
- [15:27]
A
Yeah, that's why the weather is always there for you. If you don't know about the Mets.
- [15:32]
B
Yeah. If the line's too long, what the hell is it? How long it take to make a burger? It's a burger. But in that there's not a bond as much as it is. You're both group hating. It's almost a pile on. So it becomes like a group of customers versus the cashier. Like when people get more and more irate at the airplane gate, when they won't tell you why there's a delay and then people all start kind of barking at the. At the gate attendant. You don't turn and swap numbers at the end of that that's not someone you're gonna see on a regular basis.
- [16:04]
A
It's like, you know what? We should meet up later to do this again.
- [16:07]
B
Yeah, it's like. No, it's like, just good say, all right, man. Have a good day. Yeah, man. Good. Good. Yeah, man. Glad you get it.
- [16:13]
A
Common cause, though. A common cause, however, temporary.
- [16:16]
B
Yeah. You know when you really. When I really feel connected is when I'm at the DMV or any type of office where there's a long wait. Like, any long wait. Fluorescent light. Neo in the Matrix, act one, hell hole. And then when you finally get your number called, and then when you're on your way out, and then you speak to someone who you've been there in the trenches with, waiting that whole time. Hey, man, good luck to you, man. Can you get it done? It's like getting a COVID test. Like week two of the shutdown, where they make you stand on the. In New York, they make you stand on the sidewalk to go in to get you, so you'd be out there in the cold with a bunch of other just random people trying to get your COVID test so you could be allowed to go do whatever the. And I remember bonding with strangers then. There was no politics then. Nobody cared that I was at the Daily show then.
- [17:09]
A
Oh, absolutely. I mean, again, just not to belabor this, but, like, New York, early Covid, it was very clear. We were all, like, living the Sci Fi movie. And we know what time it was.
- [17:19]
B
Yeah, I. I felt. I never felt more closer to New.
- [17:23]
A
Yorkers than pots and pans being banged out windows. That was real clapping. 7 o' clock clap on. Trying. Trying to break through the. The literal walls and windows of the city.
- [17:38]
B
Do you still. When you go to sporting events, I don't know how much you go alone, but do you still make small talk with people in the seats around you when you get to the event or you're in the phone?
- [17:50]
A
Got to. Because, by the way, that's the. It's the sign that we're getting our money's worth. Like the biggest experiment that I think people don't reflect on enough. And I say this, but we ran an experiment, a global experiment in which we did something that was previously impossible. We played sports without fans, and everyone hated it. You could watch it on tv, but every player, every coach, every virtual fan. I was a virtual fan, really, in the NBA bubble on a screen, it sucked. It sucked. And everybody could articulate about that.
- [18:30]
B
We really did have in the zoom boxes on a jumbotron it was.
- [18:37]
A
Yes.
- [18:37]
B
Looking like a Konami game from 1994.
- [18:40]
A
Yeah. The background character in a Street Fighter level. Just like jumping up and down on a loop. They didn't give you anything else to do. We tried it. And what we all missed in ways that we could never fully appreciate or understand until we tested it, was that there is something so much more profoundly important about people connecting in the same building, watching something together.
- [19:02]
B
Yeah. Even if I hate you for rooting for that team, there's still something, absolutely something in it. I went to a nascar. I went to my first NASCAR race earlier this year.
- [19:14]
A
Green flag is in the air. We are racing at Atlanta.
- [19:18]
B
And we went. We went over two days. I went with my son the first day to watch truck series. Right. We go and we watch Roger Carruf and all the other Blaney and like all these other races. And it's. It's a great. It was a good. It was perfectly fine, great sports experience. Like, you know, knee jerk nascar. You think one thing and you get there and then you see Big Boy from outkast and Young Jeezy, and I'm like, okay. And it's just. Just regular people. Yes. There's people going, yeah, show your butthole. And like, there's that. But by and large, no different than going to a baseball game in a regular season. And so I get out in the crowd and the thing that I enjoy when I'm new to a sport is whatever the new tradition thing is. And I didn't know this, but on a race restart, as they're coming back around to the start line to restart the race and the pace car pulls off, everybody stands up and, like, cheers for the restart. I guess you're cheering for your driver. I guess your driver can see you and go, oh, yeah, I'm inspired.
- [20:32]
A
Like, you're in the dock watching the Titanic.
- [20:34]
B
Yeah, literally. It's literally that, like, it's some sort of like, go get em, boys. Get it back after that already. But everybody stands like, it's just not even. It's none. It's just. It's understood. And so that was enough of an end point for me to just start talking and chopping it up with people. But NASCAR is interesting in that, in terms of the fan chit chat, you really can't do a lot of it. I can't look at you. So to your point of just having this shared experience that's eyes forward of all of the sports that we have in America, NASCAR is 1,000%. You're in my Periphery. And I'm talking and we're having a conversation, but the whole time I'm locked in. Because the split second I turn to you, I'm gonna miss the thing. Be it a wreck, be it a brave move, some shake and bake, draft, whatever. You don't wanna miss it. And it's one of the most social, yet antisocial sporting experiences I think I've ever had.
- [21:39]
A
It's funny that politicians are finally realizing that if we're all gonna be fighting in a culture war, maybe you don't wanna see the territory upon which the most people in America are sitting, which is sports. I wonder what you think of it, because you're somebody who is actually a baseball fan. And suddenly, again, in the dnc, there is this prioritization of seemingly the religion that was most popular for the entirety of American history, which is sports.
- [22:09]
B
I think that politicians. And this is not just sports, this comes down to eating the stupid rib or whatever. Now is when you should go to a game and just be seen as regular and it not be a big production. God bless Ted Cruz, man. Ted Cruz on this brother Astros. And don't care if you boo him and he has no agenda. Ted Cruz will just show up to get booed. And there is no vote coming up. No, I'm just here to bathe in the hate and root on my Astros. Good for you, Tech Cruz. I think Democrats overthink everything. I think everything is just, we must measure five times before we decide to do the thing. And then you end up looking like you overthought it. You know, I think the more you can have people see you as just regular, especially when we framed politicians, especially Democrats, as elitist, then you gotta regular yourself up just a little bit. Like. Like, I know Gavin Newsom just talked with Steve Bannon and okay, we can assume that if Newsom's positioning himself for a presidential run, that's to try to appeal a little bit to the centrist voter who, you know, whatever. Okay, fine. You could have spent that same money on that podcast episode and just went to a rodeo and just be at a rodeo and like, no camera. No, just be at a rodeo and then just let the people with camera phones will do the work for you. And then just go, oh, yeah, I go to rodeo sometime. And then don't make anything of it.
- [23:51]
A
I mean, look, there are just so many easy ways to test. Every sports fan knows when someone is pretending to be a sports fan. Yes, we can all tell.
- [23:58]
B
Yes.
- [23:59]
A
Because there are little linguistic giveaways and References and names and people who can't actually hit the tennis ball. Back and forth of language.
- [24:09]
B
Yeah. I took my senior portrait in a Sammy Sosa Cubs spring training batting practice jersey. My mom has never been more infuriated with me, and I've never been more proud than that moment to just pack that jersey. Hide it. Get to the photo. Get to the Olin Mills little photos.
- [24:33]
A
You wildcat packed this jersey and put it on.
- [24:37]
B
Yeah, buddy. Okay. Now you got your tuxedo over there. I'm not wearing no tuxedo. Put me in the Sosa 2. 1.
- [24:59]
A
The bar is literally. Can you plausibly name three players from the team that you say you're a fan of?
- [25:07]
B
Yes. I also think that politicians need to pick the one thing they are good at physically and do that, because then we'll assume you can do all the other things. You never saw Barack Obama swing a baseball bat. That's not what I do. I hoop. So you will see me hooping. And because you see me hooping all the time, you will assume I know ball. Like all of these politicians right now and potential politicians. You just got to just be yourself and just be like. If you like grilling, just grill. Like, if we'd have gotten more time.
- [25:43]
A
With Tim Waltz, it's just one of the big disappointments. By the way, the subtext of all of this is that I thought we had the guy who could do this for the non Trump sectors of our country. And Tim Waltz, he was not it.
- [25:58]
B
Yeah, yeah. But like, on paper, if I told you the Democrats, Kamala's gonna be paired with a guy that shovels snow. He likes state fair food, and he used to coach football, and he could talk X's and O's. I would have put Tim Waltz on every first place I'd have sent him. Is Paul Finebaum.
- [26:18]
A
Yes. Yes.
- [26:20]
B
You know, Paul going from coach saving to coast to bore. It's like going to bed married to Beyonce and waking up with Whoopi Goldberg laying next to your brother. If I'm the DNC and I'm running the playbook on how to introduce a candidate.
- [26:35]
A
The damn ball.
- [26:37]
B
Yeah.
- [26:37]
A
Have him do interviews with sports people.
- [26:41]
B
And if he but only talks ball, just be the regular dude. Just be a guest on a thing on a regular basis. Because the thing about a lot of these shows as well, like, I also think politicians are intimidated by programs like this because they feel like they're gonna get exposed for not knowing. So I don't know if this is the playbook for midterms or for next year. But as much as you can try and just be a regular person, do that and let people see that. And I hate to say it but that's the type of stupid that connects with voters.
- [27:19]
A
Well again, connection. Right? Like what is it? What does it mean? It means that someone else sees a bit of themselves in you and it's not that hard actually. It's kind of the whole glue that kept a grocery store functioning. Although we never appreciated it until we took that out.
- [27:37]
B
Yeah, yeah. It's like oh wow, she is just like me. Even though you don't look like me. Oh, you have a cat too. Oh, you have a dog. Oh, you know another place where men used to bond. AutoZone. I don't know what kind of car you had.
- [27:52]
A
I, I, I, I am born and raised in this city which means that these are foreign lands to me. So please explain what I've missed at.
- [28:00]
B
AutoZone and I guess Advanced auto parts that we didn't have those growing up in Birmingham but Birmingham was an AutoZone city. This is before Oreillys and all. Auto AutoZone.
- [28:10]
A
I know the jingles auto parts more than I know the places.
- [28:17]
B
Autozone was like circuit city of that era of car repair. And you would pull into an autozone in a middle class neighborhood and it would just be a dude fixing his in the parking lot his on bricks and he's going inside part by part. Yeah, I need to, I need that. And you would just turn to him. Hey man, how long you been working on? What's the thing? Man? I tell you man, I'm trying to get this thing started but the starter and the manifold and then another person behind him. Well you know the problem with that manifold? They had a call, they had a recall on that one man. What you gotta do is get it in there. Did you put the. Man, let me go get the. And they'll go down an aisle and come back with some. You need to put in the car on top of what you are just bonding.
- [29:00]
A
Like it's what, like it became a group project.
- [29:03]
B
Like I'm thinking of like legitimate places where men just immediately just start talking.
- [29:10]
A
To each other specifically and most importantly lately with people who they otherwise are not agreeing with or talking to or any of that.
- [29:19]
B
I would never talk to you outside of this building but in this space. I know we have the same interests and the same struggle. Cause most Everybody that's at AutoZone it's cause you got a check engine light on, you're in a pinch or you're Waiting on a part or you're a do it yourselfer Home Depot a little bit. But it's more aisle by aisle at Home Depot more than the store as a whole. Like, if you and a dude are looking at the same rack of. Then you will discuss what dude thing you're doing today with whatever's on this rack. But autozone, man, I remember going there many a time to get a new belt or to do something with my radiator for my first car in high school. And there would just be men in the parking lot just to the point where when they used to offer at these car repair shops, they would offer, we'll change the battery for you, we'll change your windshield wiper. If you buy your wipers here, we'll come out. If you were a man and that AutoZone employee came out there behind you to do anything to your car. Use a. Use a. And so it was like the pressure to just. And I'm like 17, bro. I'm putting fan belts on and in the parking lot because I just want to feel like a man. Like, that's for women. Go check the woman's battery when she get to. And so I remember like just doing stuff under the hood and tinkering with the car in the parking lot and strangers come over. You good young blood. What's going on with it? Get in there, start it up for me real quick. Let me listen to it. Like that type of. I remember that distinctly, man. And I don't know where that went.
- [31:04]
A
You've described the feeling that again, as a young person, I imagine part of it is like, oh, and I also fit in.
- [31:12]
B
Yeah.
- [31:13]
A
Like there's. There's this larger community of people with some interests that I also share and they. They see me.
- [31:21]
B
There's a sense of belonging and I think that's where we are now. And I think that's why a lot of people, it's very easy to entrench in things that have harmful or dangerous premises or rhetorics. Even if you don't condone it, they've accepted you and they've taken you into their fold and that's enough. If you've been alone, it's no different than joining a gang. If you're talking about the idea of family and the need for connection and need to feel provided for and to be shoulder to shoulder with people that you feel like you have some sort of shared struggle with as well or a common enemy as well. So I think that's where a lot of the online connection comes from. And to me, that's the issue is that to find that tribe and those group, groups of people back in the day, you used to have to leave the house. Now you can be in a message board and be in a group with a bunch of other dudes and y' all all talk, but you never meet. Y' all never go show up to the. To the Dungeons and Dragons live tournament. Like it's. Whatever you're doing online is the only thing you do. So you're in your Twitch stream and you got five people and you play Call of Duty together. You run missions for some first person shooter together. And that's good to a degree. But the moment you turn that headset off and go back out into the real world, who are you and what are you? How are you connecting? You're still lacking something. Are you scared of AI at all? Or is it like 3D televisions to you? Remember when that was the future? Oh, yeah. Smart is simple control. Smart is 3D videos on demand. Smart is LG Cinema 3D, smart TV. So how smart is your 3D? Everything was gonna be 3D. You're gonna have a 3D experience at the house. Then it was gonna be VR, and VR is gonna be the future. Then it was Metaverse.
- [33:33]
A
I accidentally went to what has been labeled a 4D movie. Are you familiar with what the fourth dimension is?
- [33:40]
B
Where the shakes. The chair shakes. I don't get those.
- [33:43]
A
Yes. And they will also, like, shoot gusts of like, compressed air at you pass. It was. It was a horrible.
- [33:53]
B
Is it smells too. Like in a car chase. Can you smell like rubber and all of that. Some smell of vision. I heard that's coming.
- [34:00]
A
The burning flesh that they won't otherwise want to show you in the news. You can.
- [34:04]
B
That's. There's a ride at Universal Studios in Orlando. Spider Man. The ride. I can't remember what it. What it's called, but the Spider man ride at Universal.
- [34:13]
A
Yes.
- [34:14]
B
And you're essentially, you're in a chair from Spider Man's POV and you fly all around and, you know, whatever. And the Green Goblin. There's a part where the Green Goblin throws one of those firebombs at you and flames shoot out and then a mist of water comes across your face as you go down under the Brooklyn Bridge. I don't need all of that. Just show me the movie, man. Just show me the people fighting. I'm cool with the seat vibrating a little bit. For action films, like, I thought that was a neat effect. Depending on the film, I think I saw one of the. One of the more recent Fast and Furious movies a couple years ago.
- [34:57]
A
That was a lot. I saw Fast and furious in 4D, and my only. My main critique was that I wasn't prepared for how herky and jerky that seat was gonna be.
- [35:09]
B
Yeah, and then there's also a subwoofer under the seat as well, so you can feel the music and the score and all of that, but they got it. I'll give the theaters credit. They doing. They trying to do whatever they can to stay open. The first thing they need to do is cut the amount of screens. Like, if the theater industry's failing and struggling, we don't need 20. You don't need an AMC 30 anymore. Or come to the Starlight Cinema 27 screen. Why? There's only four movies out this week, bro. And only two of them are really legitimately worth leaving the house for right now.
- [35:43]
A
What are you doing with those screens? What are you doing with those rooms?
- [35:45]
B
I don't know. Lease it. Airbnb it. I don't know. But the idea of having 20 screens to show six movies feels odd. I know. When you get, you know, it's gangbusters when you get, like, a tent pole, like, say. All right, when the new Mission Impossible, like, when Top Gun came out, Top Gun was like one third of all the screens at every movie theater. AMC 14. Ten of them are Top Gun, as it should be. That's the blockbuster. But more often than not, I think we need to go Back to the 6 and the 8, 10 screen max type spaces, you know, but, you know, the theaters are trying, man. The food has gotten better. Ish.
- [36:26]
A
Well, there's a whole debate about whether movie theaters should be serving dinner in the way that now.
- [36:32]
B
What's the debate? Why not? Like, is it the clinking? Is it you talking about table service? Drafthouse. Alamo Draft House.
- [36:37]
A
Alamo. Drafthouse model.
- [36:39]
B
I'm not. I'm not crazy about somebody just walking in and. Okay, what else do you want? Right, Right.
- [36:44]
A
Ordering avocado toast.
- [36:47]
B
Yeah, but if you. If. If the avocado toast is out in the lobby, you want to go get it, like, I'm fine with that. I think the popcorn and the burgers and dogs has played out. So, I mean, adding something to try and get people to the theater, I get it.
- [37:01]
A
You know, hot dogs and burgers being played out is the most un American thing you've said this entire time.
- [37:08]
B
It's not enough to get me to go see a movie like that alone is not like the food actually has to be part of the re. Like the film is cool, but you have to. What else you got? Like that's what it's gotta be. So that's why you're getting sprayed in the face with God knows what chemical that hasn't been checked by this government.
- [37:43]
A
At the end here I. We have found, we have found footage of Barack Obama swinging a baseball bat.
- [37:51]
B
Wow.
- [37:51]
A
And I'd like to show it to you and I'd like you to describe what you're seeing. Wow. And as, as, as a scout. Let me, let me just turn it around for the right moment. There you go.
- [38:02]
B
Okay. Not bad. Didn't step into it, but he's got good follow through. He must play golf.
- [38:08]
A
That is a. I was going to say that is.
- [38:10]
B
It's a golf backswing. It's. It's reapplied for baseball.
- [38:14]
A
His shirt is tucked into his jeans.
- [38:17]
B
He hit that out the infield though. On the fly. Didn't hit no weak grounder. He could play in a celebrity softball game and be okay.
- [38:25]
A
Oh God. Have you seen the footage of. You've seen the footage of Ted Cruz playing basketball?
- [38:29]
B
No.
- [38:29]
A
This game goes to 11. Cruz gets the rebound.
- [38:37]
B
See, and that's what happens. And then they laugh at you and then they go hahaha. You can't govern because you have no dribble.
- [38:43]
A
Oh man.
- [38:44]
B
You have to just do the one thing you're good at in public for a long time and then people will trust and assume that. That you can do other things. Good. That's the simplicity of the American voter. If we see you do good one thing, then we think you do good. Everything. Everybody talking about Stephen A. Smith running for president. But I'm just saying the bar is low.
- [39:08]
A
I'm just saying that the prerequisites for.
- [39:11]
B
The resume of president have changed. We're never going back to some Harvard Law. He was a governor for a while and then he was a senator.
- [39:20]
A
No, everything we've said in this conversation indicates that that ERA is over. It just feels. It just feels like when again Godzilla is attacking your city and we need our own monster to fight him.
- [39:34]
B
Yes, absolutely. And I need you sent in your Mothra.
- [39:39]
A
Mothra A. Smith. Go take care of this.
- [39:42]
B
Yeah, I. We'll see what happens at midterms. I don't want to speak too much of it into existence. Cause I don't know if he really wants to do that.
- [39:53]
A
I think he's.
- [39:55]
B
But if it's ever anybody that could. Pardon me for those credit cards. I stole a 98. It'd be President Stephen A. Smith, so I'm kind of pulling for him. Tired of answering them extra questions when I go to Canada. You know, that's what they make you do in Canada when you commit a crime in America. They pull you off to the side and ask you all these extra questions to make sure you're not coming here to do the crimes.
- [40:16]
A
When they Google the New York Times story about you and they say, what is this quote? Youthful indiscretion.
- [40:21]
B
Yeah, literally. That's literally what it is. And then they go through NCIC and then they find out, oh, this feels like more than an indiscretion. I know it wasn't. It's just credit cards, baby. I was 19. Good times, right? Sit here for four hours while we decide.
- [40:37]
A
That's right. Roywood Jr. I appreciate you coming to this studio in person and, you know, doing the thing that I love to do with you, which is legitimately and not coincidentally connect.
- [40:50]
B
We have to catch a game.
- [40:52]
A
Oh, man.
- [40:53]
B
And I say that with seriousness and sincerity because I don't go to sporting events with everyone. I go with my son and I go with people who legitimately appreciate the game that is being played and not showing up to take a bunch of selfies.
- [41:12]
A
Roy, it would be my honor to stare straight ahead and not have to look at each other and just get mad at stuff with you.
- [41:21]
B
You would like nascar. I don't know if you've ever gone, bro, I'm.
- [41:24]
A
If you want to take me to.
- [41:25]
B
A NASCAR race, I'm not bullshitting now. It's an all day thing. It's. It's three out depending on which day you go. The race itself is three hours, but you got to go like two hours beforehand and hang and drink. Yeah, I will. Dare I say this? I got a NASCAR guy.
- [41:41]
A
Oh, God. You got Roy Wood Jr. What I found out today on this episode of Pablo Tori finds out a show about finding stuff out is that you're my NASCAR plug.
- [41:49]
B
I got a NASCAR plug. Like all my other friends, like get invited to Oscar parties and like, like the other day, what was it? Planet Hollywood opened in New York City and they had every a lister on earth there was back. I don't get invited to none of that. But I've got a guy right now that can get me into mission control at NASA and we can talk to people at the space station right now. I got a guy until Elon fires him. I got a guy right now. Those are the type of connects I have. NASCAR auto racing space I gotta imagine and the Cubs fills with my Kinects.
- [42:34]
A
Eight year old Roy Wood Jr. Could not be more thrilled that this is how his life turned out.
- [42:39]
B
It's insane. It's absolutely insane.
- [42:43]
A
Thank you for doing this, man.
- [42:44]
B
Thank you for having me, brother.
- [42:53]
A
This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out a Meadowlark Media Production and I'll talk to you next time.
- [43:05]
B
Sam.