Our Election-Free Share & Tell with Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Kayne

Summary

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Pablo Torre Finds Out

Episode: "Our Election-Free Share & Tell" with Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Kayne

Date: November 12, 2024
Host: Pablo Torre
Guests: Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Kayne

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Overview

This special "Share & Tell" episode is intentionally designed as a time capsule recorded before the 2024 Election, offering listeners a playful, stress-free break from the political noise. Host Pablo Torre, joined by comedian Michael Cruz Kayne and media personality Katie Nolan, embarks on a meandering, laughter-filled exploration of their favorite comfort videos and curious snacks, sprinkled with personal anecdotes, live demonstrations, and irreverent banter. The episode's purpose is clear: escape, comfort, and camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Premise: Escaping the Election (00:28)

• The episode is recorded “strategically two days before Election Day happened,” deliberately avoiding any discussion of elections or current news.
• The share & tell format serves as “a reprieve explicitly from what everybody else must have been talking about for the last week or so.” (Pablo Torre, 05:19)

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2. Wardrobe Finds & The World’s Largest Kaleidoscope (02:27 – 05:00)

• Michael recounts buying a “short-sleeved” sweater and gauze pants at the world’s largest kaleidoscope in the Catskills, describing the eccentric attraction and the limited sweater options.
• “It was nice to go shopping and go, oh, I can only choose from these five sweaters... Instead of going, I want a sweater. Let me Google sweater. Let me find any sweater ever sold.” (Michael Cruz Kayne, 03:52)
• Discussion morphs into jokes about shopping constraints and the benefits of analog, in-person experiences.

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3. Emotional State & Comfort Rituals (05:51 – 07:01)

• The trio jokes about how people might be emotionally reacting to Election Day, with “the vibes are fraught,” “vibes are off,” and general joking about anxiety.
• Katie says: “Wherever it is, I’m just trying to be... Could I be asleep now instead of whatever’s happening?” (Katie Nolan, 06:16)

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4. Share & Tell: Comfort Videos

a. Björk Disassembles a TV (07:01 – 12:23)

• Katie’s comfort video: A young Björk from the ‘80s taking apart a TV, blending childlike wonder with poetic pseudo-science.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Björk: “This looks like a city, like a little model of a city... I read that in a Danish book this morning.” (08:55)
  • “You shouldn’t let poets lie to you.” (Bjork, quoted by Katie, 11:12)
• The hosts reflect on the lost art of curiosity before the internet, and Björk’s ability to make sense of the world “in a way that is enough for her.” (Michael, 11:40)
• Katie: “She’s almost like an element or something.” (07:46)

b. “I Like Turtles” Viral Clip & Analog Virality (13:00 – 14:47)

• Pablo plays the “I Like Turtles” viral news clip, sparking nostalgia for a pre-TikTok internet.
• They delight in the innocence and authenticity of early viral content.
• Michael: “I want to be clear: I was giving mine back. I didn’t ask for it. He gave it back to me... But I don’t pay for it.” (14:42)

c. Shakespeare’s St. Crispin’s Day Speech (15:06 – 17:30)

• Katie’s unexpected selection: Kenneth Branagh’s Henry V rousing speech.
• “It hits both the part of me... from the beginning of time masculinity of which I have extremely little and then also the pretentious part of me that’s like, well, I do love the Bard.” (Katie Nolan, 16:36)
• The trio riff on what St. Crispin’s Day actually is, landing humorously on saints, fried chicken, and cereal names.

d. Horse Hoof Cleaning (18:47 – 19:15)

• Michael confesses his satisfaction watching horse hoof “gunk” removal videos, comparing them to (unsettlingly graphic) pimple popping – but for animal feet.

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5. Gummy Bear Challenge & Lethal Shooter (19:50 – 26:30)

• Inspired by viral basketball trainer Chris “Lethal Shooter” Matthews, Pablo introduces a challenge: shooting gummy bears into a water bottle.
• Key Moments:
  • Experiencing the difficulty (“Why is he out of breath?... You gotta imagine, right?” – Michael, 20:39)
  • Debate over water bottle regulations, technique, and Lethal Shooter’s credentials.
  • The trio attempt the shot, with much laughter, missed attempts, and general chaos.
  • “I dropped one in my crotch. Ready? Here we go. Guaranteed make. Kobe.” (Katie, 26:32)

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6. Sports Teams on Public Transit & NYC Attitude (27:15 – 30:20)

• Katie brings up the Detroit Pistons taking the NYC subway due to marathon road closures — and how that togetherness led to “an unusually high number of assists.”
• They discuss New York’s famous nonchalance toward fame.
  • “Even if you see someone, you sort of feel like as a New Yorker it’s your job to pretend that you don’t give a shit.” (Katie, 29:37)
  • “You’re on the subway just like me, bro. Yeah. Oh, you make $10 million a year. Well, guess what? There’s a guy on this train... and we’re the same to him.” (Katie, 30:18)

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7. Uncrustables: NFL Snack of Choice (31:00 – 36:39)

• The group samples Uncrustables (PB&J sandwiches with the crust removed, mass-produced and frozen), discussing their popularity and “elevated” taste when toasted.
• NFL Stats: “NFL teams go through anywhere from 3,600 to 4,300 uncrustables a week... as a whole easily at least 80,000 uncrustables a year. Denver has the highest reported consumption here: 700 a week.” (Michael, 32:21)
• They debate the merits for regular people (“Why would you need it?” – Michael) and riff on crustless bread.
• Memorable Metaphor: “The crust serves a purpose. It’s like, why don’t they make skinless people?” (Michael, 35:46)
  • Katie: “Wow. I just got my mind blown on that one.” (Katie, 35:54)

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8. Call-backs, Ouroboros, Recaps (38:04 – End)

• The episode closes with a roundtable of what everyone “found out” today, returning to earlier themes.
  • Michael: “Red Bull hires people, pays money to people, who will teach other people. Dwight Howard to female athletes.” (38:08)
  • Katie: “The world’s largest kaleidoscope is fine. Yeah, it’s fine. And that’s good enough for me.” (39:08)
  • Pablo: “I found out that I still like that kid who likes turtles.” (39:44)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Analog shopping: “It was nice to go shopping and go, oh, I can only choose from these five sweaters... Instead of going, I want a sweater. Let me Google sweater.” (Michael, 03:52)
• Björk wisdom: “You shouldn’t let poets lie to you.” (Bjork, quoted by Katie, 11:12)
• Shakespeare as hype: “It hits both the part of me... the masculinity...and also the pretentious part of me that’s like, well, I do love the Bard.” (Katie, 16:36)
• NYC humility: “You’re on the subway just like me, bro...well, guess what? ...and we’re the same to him.” (Katie, 30:18)
• Uncrustables metaphor: “The crust serves a purpose. It’s like, why don’t they make skinless people?” (Michael, 35:46)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|-----------------------------| | 00:28 | Election-free premise/Share & Tell setup | | 02:27 | Catskills kaleidoscope shopping story | | 05:41 | Emotional state of “Election Day” jokes | | 07:01 | Björk TV video & discussion | | 13:00 | “I Like Turtles” clip | | 15:06 | St. Crispin’s Day speech | | 18:47 | Horse hoof cleaning comfort | | 19:50 | Lethal Shooter/gummy bear challenge | | 27:15 | Detroit Pistons on NYC subway | | 31:00 | Uncrustables taste test and NFL stats | | 36:39 | Crustless bread/skinless people metaphor | | 38:04 | What did you find out? Callbacks/recap |

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Tone & Style

The episode brims with quick-witted, irreverent humor, a sense of relaxed camaraderie, and love for the quirky and analog. The hosts mock themselves as much as the world around them, circle back to running gags (Invisalign, “I Like Turtles,” pants, crusts/skin), and lean into collective nostalgia.

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For First-Time Listeners

This episode offers an oasis from high-stakes news, filled with offbeat comfort videos, taste tests, and authentic, hilarious conversations about everything except the headlines. If you want to laugh, reminisce, and discover oddly satisfying internet rabbit holes with some of sports media’s sharpest minds, this is your reprieve.

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Transcript

[Pablo Torre]

Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out I am Pablo Torre. And today we're gonna find out what this sound is.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I think the crust serves a purpose. It's like, why don't they make skinless people?

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah. Wow, I just got my mind blown on that one.

[Pablo Torre]

Right after this ad.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You're listening to Giraffe Kings. What's the gummy bears for? Why is one of them rogue?

[Katie Nolan]

You'll see the rogue bear.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Should I take my teeth out now? Are we gonna be doing eating?

[Katie Nolan]

The fans at home would want to see the see me go take the Invisalign out.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, suck it up.

[Katie Nolan]

See the guts that are all over the Invisalign.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

23 out of 26.

[Katie Nolan]

Okay, three more to go.

[Pablo Torre]

I don't know what that means.

[Katie Nolan]

Then you're a full werewolf.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Full. I do 26 trays. So every 10 days I swap for a new tray. Getting closer to my goal. And there's 26 total trays on my 23rd.

[Pablo Torre]

Can I stop you right there? What happens to the old trays?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I throw em right out. I used to waste the first time I tried this when I did that.

[Pablo Torre]

You could be selling that.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I think if I was currently peaking, probably. I don't think at my current state, I'm in the cell used Invisalign market. I don't think.

[Katie Nolan]

How do we end up here? Pablo, what's wrong with you, dude?

[Pablo Torre]

So at this point, you expect me to use that question from our friend Michael Cruz Kane to conveniently segue into some broader description of everything that's wrong with Post Election America, which we kind of did last episode. But the reason that I am not doing that here is because the entire point of today's episode, in fact, is to not do that. And to ensure that we didn't do that with this edition of Share and Tell we taped very strategically two days before Election day happened. That's right. We made a time capsule of sorts. A silo, you might call it, but not the kind of, you know, cultural silo that we usually talk about here more the kind where Katie Nolan, it turns out, recently purchased her new wardrobe.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I bought this in the Catskills on vacation this last week. Short sleeved, but.

[Pablo Torre]

Oh, armholes.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You thought I just had a blanket?

[Pablo Torre]

A Shaw. I thought you were just wearing a.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Now I'm wondering if people on the train thought I just had a blanket wrapped around me. This is a full sweater. It was sold to be worn. Not even like a sling. It was made to be clothing. And I bought it at the world's largest kaleidoscope in the Catskills.

[Pablo Torre]

We're going to immediately start Googling this world.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's. I don't want to slander it because it's like a nice little operation that they got in a silo on the side of the road.

[Pablo Torre]

Emerson Kaleidoscope.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I didn't read any of the stuff, but the lady was like, you can read right here. The next showing's in five minutes. I didn't. I think it's like mirrors that go up into the tube of the silo. You are at the bottom, and they built this little contraption where you, like, lean and you just, like, look up into it. And they just show basically the like, Windows music player screensaver at the top of the. And the mirrors reflect it back to you. While it's doing that, there's a woman with a British accent who's like, come along on a trip to space where we learn where humanity was born. No offense. And I hope anybody that works there or was involved in its creation tunes out here. But, like, the quality of the screen could have been better.

[Pablo Torre]

I'm getting. I'm getting Amish sphere vibes. When did they sell you this sweater?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, afterwards. There were like, little shops all around. So Dan and I were like, we came all this way and that kind of blew. So let's take a look at the clothes. But it was nice to go shopping and go, oh, I can only choose from these five sweaters. And I like this one. And then I bought it. Instead of going, I want a sweater. Let me Google sweater. Let me find any sweater ever sold.

[Katie Nolan]

Let me see a picture of everything.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Decide how much I think I should pay for a sweater. I just was like, this is the price. This is the sweater. Buy it. I also bought these pants. They're made of gauze.

[Pablo Torre]

You bought you. You are wearing an all world's largest kaleidoscope outfit.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

The shirts from Amazon.

[Pablo Torre]

The pants do look incredibly comfortable.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

They're great. Sometimes I don't hate God's pants.

[Katie Nolan]

I guess I don't know any songs. What if gauze was on my pants? Okay, very good.

[Pablo Torre]

We're doing something that we have not done, which is a musical episode.

[Katie Nolan]

And I think that's fun.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Maybe up here. We're up here.

[Katie Nolan]

Then I'm also down here. I'll be down.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

No, you won't.

[Katie Nolan]

People have. People are throwing their phones in the trash.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I didn't know he had that in him.

[Pablo Torre]

Me neither.

[Katie Nolan]

Beautiful.

[Pablo Torre]

We're doing an episode that is completely insulated from what the real world must be like today. Not that we would know November 12, 2024, if there even is a world. This might be our last transmission. We wanted to give people a reprieve explicitly from what everybody else must have been talking about for the last week or so.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Sure.

[Pablo Torre]

Which is, again, the world's largest kaleidoscope.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Imagine it all just goes off without a hitch. And everybody goes, well, that's that.

[Bjork (in video)]

Do, do, do, do.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And everything just goes off.

[Katie Nolan]

Let's check out this big kaleidoscope.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's crazy.

[Pablo Torre]

I asked you guys for your answer to a question, and I presume that the mood.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Let's. Let's.

[Pablo Torre]

Let's make some. Just general emotional guesses. Right now. I'm assuming that people are screaming. Yeah, yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Screaming.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

Trapped in a well.

[Katie Nolan]

The vibes are fraught.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Vibes are off. I'm crying, probably. Wherever I am, I'm probably crying.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah. I think I'm trying to sleep. Wherever it is, I'm just trying to be. Could I be asleep now instead of whatever's happening? Maybe I could be asleep.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah. I'm definitely scratching. It's dry. Real dry.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes. Okay.

[Katie Nolan]

You get the nervous itchies. You get a little itchy when you get nervous.

[Pablo Torre]

So much so that I will look down and be like, when did that claw me?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, no. And then realized it was you.

[Pablo Torre]

It was me all along.

[Katie Nolan]

It was you. Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

A real Tucker Carlson recognizing a demon situation.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Wow.

[Pablo Torre]

I asked you guys, what videos do you watch to make yourselves feel better? And I feel like this is a service to our audience and also to ourselves, honestly. And Katie provided an answer that was unexpected.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

A great answer.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's why it works. I have become emotionally attached to a video of bjork from the 80s. Late 80s, I believe, taking apart a television and describing the parts inside of it. And there's just something about Bjork that she's just got this wonderful creativity that obviously comes across in her music, if you're a fan, which I am. But she's also just like. She's like a. She's like a child.

[Bjork (in video)]

Hello. It is Christmas time and I'm sitting here by my tv.

[Pablo Torre]

Can I just tell you that Ryan Cortez, producer, Behind the Glass, just got in my ear and earnestly.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

No, no, no, no.

[Pablo Torre]

Bjork is a woman.

[Katie Nolan]

It's almost a fair question, because I do feel like Bjork is something.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

She would take that as a compliment.

[Katie Nolan]

She's almost like an element or something.

[Pablo Torre]

Yes, she is.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Carbon.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes.

[Bjork (in video)]

I'VE been watching it very much lately because I'm on a holiday and I have been seeing all those programs about all sorts of things about Icelandics being very happy about Christmas, very gay, and also very serious and spiritual and also seeing Icelandic comic people making jokes, which they are very good at. But now I'm curious. I've switched the TV off and now I want to see how it operates, how it can. Can make. Put me into all those weird situations. So.

[Pablo Torre]

Oh, boy. So she had just been like, leaning cheek to monitor.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

And she's rotating this television around.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, it's real thick. It's a real thick.

[Pablo Torre]

Oh, yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

TV back before they made them, you know, flat and then they made them curved. What was that? Are we still doing that? Her hair almost looks like she tried this without unplugging it first.

[Katie Nolan]

Sure does.

[Bjork (in video)]

This is what it looks like. Look at this. This looks like a city, like a little model of a city. And all the houses which are here and streets. This is maybe an elevator to go up, up there.

[Pablo Torre]

So she's like tracing her finger over the circuit boards, these wires.

[Bjork (in video)]

They really take care. Take care of all the electrons when they come through here. They take care of that. They are powerful enough to get all the way through here. I read that in a Danish book this morning.

[Katie Nolan]

This morning.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I read that in a Danish book this morning.

[Bjork (in video)]

And this beautiful television has put me, like I said before, in all sorts of situations. I remember being very scared to it because an Icelandic poet told me that not like in cinemas where the thing that. That throws the picture from, it just sends lights on the screen. But. But this is different. This is millions and millions of little screens. Who. Who sent light on you? Some sort of electrical light?

[Pablo Torre]

York seems to have simultaneously tremendous knowledge and zero knowledge of this television at the same time.

[Katie Nolan]

Yes, she's very bright and she also has like a complete childlike wonder whimsy. I really wanted to point out that she talks about the individual little screens and then she describes them as who. You know what I mean? Individual little screens who do whatever.

[Pablo Torre]

Anthropomorphicizing.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes, yes. Anthropomorphomorphizing.

[Pablo Torre]

I think anthropo.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Am I adding or promorphizing?

[Katie Nolan]

Yours feels right.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That hurts. Mine feels right.

[Katie Nolan]

Anthro Bjorkomorph.

[Pablo Torre]

We're gonna. We're gonna. We're gonna. We're.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

She just drops a bar at the end. We do have to get to just the last part. She Dr. It's a bar.

[Katie Nolan]

Katie will never rest unless you see this Next part.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's my favorite video on Earth.

[Bjork (in video)]

But then later on, when I got my Danish book on television, I stopped being afraid because I. I read the truth, and that's the scientifical truth, which is much better. You shouldn't let poets lie to you.

[Katie Nolan]

Boom.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You shouldn't let poets lie to you.

[Pablo Torre]

We'll point out that scientific was a little bit of an anthropomorphizing.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, so it was wrong. So you looked it up and it was.

[Pablo Torre]

Jury's still out.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay.

[Katie Nolan]

Hard to know.

[Pablo Torre]

Boats are still coming in.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's just like, such a different time when you didn't understand something. You would take it apart and read a Danish book about it that morning and then consider it like a city. And like, her understanding of it. Not to get too deep about the silly video that I watched. Make me feel better.

[Pablo Torre]

I do want to know why it speaks to you in a real way.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's the way she. Her understanding of it is enough for her. She makes it make sense to her, and then she's like, I can explain it to you how it makes sense to me. And she's not worried about making sure everybody understands it. And she's not worried about being actually fully correct. But she's, like, just coming from a sweet place of curiosity in a way that I don't think. I mean, now you just Google if the word you said was wrong.

[Katie Nolan]

You know, it's like, ancient.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

You know what I mean? It's like. It's like the wise woman from the village came out and saw a T, and she's going to tell the rest of the village how it works.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Like, it does look like a city. They look like little buildings. She's absolutely correct.

[Pablo Torre]

The last line that she had never.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You shouldn't let poets lie to you, man.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah, that's just.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You shouldn't.

[Pablo Torre]

That's just wisdom.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I know.

[Katie Nolan]

Very true. I always feel like there's something a little immodest whenever I see, like, a piece of technology uncovered. I'm like, oh, put that back.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Put your pants on. Put your pants on.

[Katie Nolan]

We're not supposed to see this. Like, when you. When a semi truck doesn't have the trailer on, I'm like, this is. This should be out here. This is gross.

[Pablo Torre]

This is becoming.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

With my family.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah, exactly. This is a road that everyone can drive on. Put a trailer on.

[Pablo Torre]

This is becoming deeply revealing about Michael Cruz game.

[Katie Nolan]

I am really anthropomorphic surmising this stuff.

[Pablo Torre]

This is a video that I watched to make myself feel better.

[Katie Nolan]

Okay.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Back in life at the Waterfront Village with my friend the zombie Jonathan. You're looking good, Jonathan. Just got an awesome face paint job. What do you think? I like turtles. All right, you're great, zombie. And good times here at Village Open. That doesn't make me feel good because you can hear the spit in her mouth when she's like, I don't know what to do with that. That's not what I. And I am back to you. So stressful.

[Pablo Torre]

So far, the common thread in what Katie and I both enjoy is that there is an analog re. Modern aspect to these things. Obviously, local news is a fertile territory. There's an innocence to a reporter being.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Like, yep, kid said that.

[Pablo Torre]

So that's a hard one to segue from.

[Katie Nolan]

Back to you, Doug.

[Pablo Torre]

It's the sort of video also where my wife and I will just tell each other, taunt each other with I like turtles. Whenever the other person just says something completely just obvious and stupid.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It feels like the early version of the corn kid. I can't imagine a more beautiful thing. It's corn.

[Katie Nolan]

Isn't the grape smashing thing also a local news thing?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's a lot of fun. A whole day.

[Katie Nolan]

Stop.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

[Katie Nolan]

I can't.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Ow. Ow.

[Katie Nolan]

Ow.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Ow. Stop.

[Pablo Torre]

Oh.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Stop.

[Pablo Torre]

It had a sense of this was not faked in the way that every TikTok video to me feels. It's kind of like how if someone has a blue check mark on Twitter now, I don't trust. Like, the only authentic viral tweet to me is the person who cannot monetize it.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I was. I want to be clear. I was giving mine back. I didn't ask for it. He gave it back to me, so I didn't turn it down. That's right.

[Katie Nolan]

Can't be trusted.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

But I don't pay for it.

[Pablo Torre]

Using all that Twitter money to buy kaleidoscope sweaters.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, well, knocking by themselves, Michael, my.

[Katie Nolan]

Video is not like that. Is that what you're about to show the video that I sent?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Of course we are. Why wouldn't we?

[Katie Nolan]

Old men forget?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

What?

[Katie Nolan]

It all shall be forgot. But he'll remember with advantages what feats he did that day. Then shall our names, familiar in their mouths as household words, Harry the King.

[Pablo Torre]

Bedford and Exeter, Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury.

[Katie Nolan]

And Gloucester, be in their flowing cups freshly remembered. This story shall the good man teach his son.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And Crispin. Crispy. Oh, my God. A little newsy to the ending.

[Pablo Torre]

Pre Santa Fe bale.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

But we in it shall be remembered.

[Katie Nolan]

We few, we Few we happy, we happy few.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You're crying right now. For he today we've brother shall be my brother, be he ne' er so.

[Katie Nolan]

Vile this day shall gentle his condition. And gentlemen in England now a bed.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Shall think themselves accursed they were not.

[Katie Nolan]

Here and hold their manhood's cheap, whiles.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Any speaks that thought with us upon.

[Katie Nolan]

St.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, it's Christian Bale. It's like Independence Day. But old.

[Katie Nolan]

But very. But very old.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

What's that from?

[Katie Nolan]

Henry five, of course. Henry Five. Shakespeare as Kenneth Branagh.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes, of course. Yes, of course.

[Pablo Torre]

Yes. The Empire Strikes Back of Henry's, if you will.

[Katie Nolan]

I don't know what to tell you except that I love that friggin. I love that clip. It really. It gets both the part of me that it. Like from the beginning of time, masculinity of which I have extremely little, and then also the pretentious part of me that's like, well, I do love the Bard. You know what I mean? It hits both of those.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah. It's like how again remembered.

[Katie Nolan]

Yes.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah. Remember, Ed, I did not stick around.

[Pablo Torre]

Something that sounds so wrong. And yet, because it's said in the accent of Shakespeare, we go, well, that's correct. So very right.

[Katie Nolan]

Must be. Must be right.

[Pablo Torre]

A little anthropomorphizing, you might even say, if you will.

[Katie Nolan]

Sure, I won't.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

But somebody will.

[Katie Nolan]

I used to teach sat. Well, test prep in general, for a living. Jealous and frequently would show that clip to kids, like the week before the sat. And frequently they'd be like, I don't know what.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

This doesn't resonate with me.

[Katie Nolan]

This isn't helping me at all. This is making it harder.

[Pablo Torre]

Saint Crispin's Day.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

What is that?

[Katie Nolan]

I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is or who that is. Not the first clue. No.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, great. Because it doesn't matter. It's really kind of tertiary to the point.

[Katie Nolan]

Saint Crispin, maybe. Like the saint. I'm gonna go fried chicken or something.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Cereal.

[Katie Nolan]

Cereal. Ooh, good. Like Crispix.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Crispin addicts. He's addicted to the Crispin.

[Pablo Torre]

The feast day of Christian saints. Crispin and Crispinian. Crispinian Crispin.

[Katie Nolan]

Those are two different people.

[Pablo Torre]

They are twins who are martyred.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

What?

[Pablo Torre]

Circa 286.

[Katie Nolan]

Felt like the doctor was like, you gotta name them both right now.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Crisp. Crispin and.

[Katie Nolan]

And the other one. What's the other one?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Crispinness. Crispinius.

[Katie Nolan]

Great. I'm writing it down. That's his name now.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Golly.

[Pablo Torre]

Both the Patron saints of cobblers, leather workers, tanners, sadlers and glove lace, and shoemakers. Another genre of comfort video. Yeah, it turns out, is cobbling.

[Katie Nolan]

Is that cobbling when you do it to a horse?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I didn't think so.

[Pablo Torre]

The sort of video where you're like, oh, this must hurt, but it doesn't or no.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, it must. I think it must feel good. Ever since pimple popping videos got too much, since they became, like, removing cysts, I'm like, that's not what I signed up for.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I just wanted to watch somebody, like, gently pop a. But, like, get a bunch of out. That's. Now what I go to the horse videos.

[Katie Nolan]

Let me see. Let me see some horse foot.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I don't want to see. Maybe blood. I don't want to see. I want to get gory. I just want you to relieve this horse of his gook.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

The thing removal his gunk is. Get it out.

[Pablo Torre]

The thing about those horse shoe replacement videos.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

Is that there's always more gunk than you think.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes.

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You think it's over, and then they get to scooping.

[Katie Nolan]

The gunk goes deep.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Should we talk about uncrustables? Huh?

[Pablo Torre]

I brought a video that. That does make me feel good.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay, wait.

[Katie Nolan]

Sorry. This is another video. Are you introducing another video? Are we going back to the video?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

No, I think we brought. I think you brought two.

[Katie Nolan]

We're moving forward.

[Pablo Torre]

Oh, I brought another video.

[Katie Nolan]

Hell, yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Video.

[Katie Nolan]

Let's do it.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

Meet Lethal Shooter.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I'm gonna be shooting gummy bears inside.

[Katie Nolan]

Of a water bottle. They must have thought I wasn't gonna see this. They must have thought I wasn't gonna see this. Nate. Today I'm gonna be making gummies through a water bottle. Buckets. Y' all didn't push me to this.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

What?

[Katie Nolan]

You didn't push me to this. Okay, I understand it now. I understand it now. I'm not playing with y'. All. I'm not playing with y'. All. Stay locked in. Show them that it's real. These ain't no edits. These ain't no edits. These real gummies. Look at the size of those. Look at the size of.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah. Regulation. A question first.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Why is he out of breath?

[Pablo Torre]

So this may be a tip as to how long Lethal Shooter had been lethally shooting gummy bears into water bottles.

[Katie Nolan]

Sure.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You've gotta imagine, right? Because that man's tired and he shot.

[Pablo Torre]

He was shooting for a while.

[Katie Nolan]

I wanted to see the gummy bear versus the aperture of the Water bottle. Just to get a sense.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You wanted to be shown. Now look. This is how hard this is going to be. Well, actually, why don't we.

[Katie Nolan]

Holy. Is this why the gun. This is why the gun bears are here. I understand. Is it not? There's a water bottle.

[Pablo Torre]

They are here.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Are all water bottles regulation? Like, are they all the same?

[Katie Nolan]

Really good question.

[Pablo Torre]

The answer is no.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

The openings to them or the answer is.

[Pablo Torre]

I may have chosen the. Which one? Is this a Fiji.

[Katie Nolan]

Okay.

[Pablo Torre]

Because it is.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I have to apply pressure to that to go in.

[Pablo Torre]

It has.

[Katie Nolan]

Unless you.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Unless I go. You're right. Of course. Why of course?

[Pablo Torre]

Are you guys familiar with that man?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Nope. Shooting 14 hours a day of screen time, never once. What's happening there?

[Pablo Torre]

Who do I talk. This is why I. I am excited to talk to you about him. So his name is Chris Matthews. A thrill goes up my leg when I watch his videos. That is a borderline political joke that should not have been allowed, frankly, on this episode. But Chris Matthews, former Washington State St. Bonaventure sharpshooter, had many records. That's right. One of the proudest alums of that school. And he is somebody who now works for Red Bull as a shooting coach and really influencer.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And Red Bull's teaching people how to shoot.

[Pablo Torre]

That's right.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Sorry.

[Katie Nolan]

Explain that part. How do I get to learn to shoot?

[Pablo Torre]

These are great questions. I think all of them can be answered by this video.

[Katie Nolan]

Everybody always making excuses.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

What is that? How do you get down?

[Pablo Torre]

So he has a crown of spikes.

[Katie Nolan]

Thorns of thorns?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, kind of thorns.

[Pablo Torre]

It is a religious illusion. That's my favorite part, by the way, where he says, I understand it now.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, that's because it's fun.

[Pablo Torre]

It's interesting because once he understands how to defeat the thing, he doesn't miss it. He has. He has figured out how to lethally shoot.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's crazy. I understand it now. He does. Is he wrong?

[Pablo Torre]

So this goes on for a while.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I wish he actually would say I misunderstood it there. I misunderstood. I thought I understood it.

[Katie Nolan]

I, in fact, do not understand. I. I love the crown.

[Pablo Torre]

So does that answer your question?

[Katie Nolan]

No, I don't think it does in any way.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Didn't even think it tried to this video. I bet not. Oh, my God.

[Katie Nolan]

I ain't playing with y'.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

All.

[Katie Nolan]

Get your hands off me. I told y'. All.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So sweaty.

[Pablo Torre]

He is shooting a basketball that's on fire.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Is his hand on fire?

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah, I'm just heating up.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

He's. Oh, my God. He's covered In Vaseline, which I understand. It's a tough visual though. How. Why am I being blamed? I didn't make you do this.

[Katie Nolan]

Never try.

[Pablo Torre]

For those just listening, train professionals.

[Katie Nolan]

Stay locked in, guys. Don't ever do this.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Don't ever do this. But watch this. Check this out.

[Katie Nolan]

It's NBA Jamie. Yeah, he's on fire.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Absolutely.

[Pablo Torre]

So Red Bull does this thing now where I think they just sponsor viral videos and now they sponsor things like jumping out of like sub stratospheric things.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes, of course. Going up to half space.

[Pablo Torre]

And after conjuring space. Okay, here we go, Felix. After edging space, they said, let's give Lethal shooter some money.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I'm actually for it. It may seem from my tone, I'm against, but I'm pro. I just wanted to better understand the business and.

[Katie Nolan]

And now he teaches whom?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's a good question.

[Pablo Torre]

Players have hired him.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, cool.

[Pablo Torre]

Clientele that has included Dwight Howard.

[Katie Nolan]

Okay.

[Pablo Torre]

Anthony Davis, Candace Parker, Skyler, Dickens, Smith. All people that girls fast.

[Katie Nolan]

Why is he saying girls fasting through the women's names. I call them. I call them women. By the.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You did. My. My fault. The females.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah, Better. Worse.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Have you noticed people are so afraid of saying females now that they won't even say like female athlete. They'll say woman athlete. And you're like, well, that's wrong. It's female at. You can say it as a descriptor. Just don't call them females. But that's too complicated. What were you saying? I was having a side thing.

[Pablo Torre]

She. Athletes.

[Katie Nolan]

Great athletes.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Great.

[Katie Nolan]

This could be good.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Love this.

[Katie Nolan]

This could catch on.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Understand that fully and never need to. Are we going to start shooting? Do we shoot?

[Pablo Torre]

Did you mean to quote lethal shooter when you said that?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I understand now. Yeah, I do.

[Pablo Torre]

And so this is where I do need to jump in here to just make sure that our audio audience out there. And God help you, by the way, if you're not watching Today's episode on YouTube or the draftings network understands what's about to happen here. So imagine Katie and Michael and I all deciding to stand up, each of us armed with somewhere between three and three zillion gummy bears. And then focus on a water bottle sitting on a table that is more or less drowning already in mess.

[Katie Nolan]

I guarantee I make it. I guarantee 100.

[Pablo Torre]

So the water bottle's in the middle of the table kind of.

[Katie Nolan]

Can I open this?

[Pablo Torre]

We have our. Our.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I mean, if you want to be wasteful.

[Katie Nolan]

I punched it.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's a lucky world of Harry Bo Do I just step to the side like he does before I shoot?

[Pablo Torre]

Whoa.

[Katie Nolan]

That was actually very close.

[Pablo Torre]

That was. That was.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I feel almost too close to the table.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah, yeah. Elbow. Everybody. Everybody.

[Katie Nolan]

Katie, very close.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Guys, I'm lethal.

[Pablo Torre]

Edging. Edging.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

How many do you need to take your first shot?

[Katie Nolan]

I dropped one in my crotch. Ready? Here we go. Guaranteed make. Kobe.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Kobe never did that.

[Katie Nolan]

I think mine.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Kobe never did that.

[Katie Nolan]

I think I might have said the.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Wrong name that time. I got worse.

[Katie Nolan]

I might have messed it up for you.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You guys are gonna have to clean all this up.

[Katie Nolan]

Is there a person who has to come in here and clean this up?

[Pablo Torre]

Yep.

[Katie Nolan]

Is it Pablo?

[Pablo Torre]

Nope.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's about the loft.

[Katie Nolan]

This is it. That's the one. This is the one, Katie. This is the one. Swish.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

The angle was right.

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, son of a.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

This is. You guys can do, like, leave till one goes in.

[Katie Nolan]

Can, like, triple speed through this or something?

[Pablo Torre]

Michael, did you bring us something beyond what we've done here today so far?

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, I. I did. I brought. I brought the Detroit Pistons.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

Came to play a basketball game at the Barclays center, as they do. As they do on Sunday, and because of the marathon. The New York City Marathon. Well, now, not this past Sunday, but the Sunday before that, the New York City Marathon made it very difficult for them to drive to the Barclays. The Barclays, The. The clays, the bar. And so they had to take the subway. And I just think that's beautiful. I think it's beautiful. They won the game. That's not what they do. That's not what they do. They came and they won, and they played great. They had a lot. A lot of assists, an unusually high number of assists during the game, which makes me feel like, you know, the togetherness of the subway really affected them. And I. And I did read the comments, and it's a lot of people from all over the country being like, oh, that's not safe. Shut up.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

What?

[Katie Nolan]

Shut up.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's so weird. It is so weird. Oh, we're being a. We're a safe haven from this stuff. But it is so weird to hear people explain, like, oh, man, you're in New York City. Is it scary? I'm like, no.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah. It's not. It's not at all. I want the Detroit. I'm going to keep saying it like, Detroit. Is that okay?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

No, but it's. We're deep enough now.

[Katie Nolan]

I want the Detroit Pistons on the subway. I want them there every day.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

I want them there with the kid who's raising money for his basketball team. I want them with the Showtime guys. I think that's. That should be a feature of New York.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

You can always go on the train and see.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, look, it's the Detroit Pistons.

[Katie Nolan]

And here they are.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

We must be on the three.

[Pablo Torre]

Or as was the case some years before that. Oh, look, it's LeBron James.

[Katie Nolan]

That's right. On our way back from shoot around decided to take a different transportation this time. Where we at, Kyle? Train. We had two options. 45 minute bus ride. 45 minute bus ride. Or 6 minute train train ride. So we decided to hop on the train with the squad. Hey, China, what's up? What's question? What's good? I don't know. This dude right here, he tripping. I love it. I absolutely. I guess it seems like that guy really did not know who LeBron James was.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Did not want to be. Excuse me.

[Pablo Torre]

Do not film me that video of The Pistons. Of LeBron James.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Detroit Pistons.

[Pablo Torre]

The Detroit Pistons. It is one of the things about New York that I love, which is that people genuinely don't give a shit.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

At all.

[Pablo Torre]

It's one of the great parts about living in New York City that's to.

[Katie Nolan]

The point, at least for me, where even if you see someone, you sort of feel like as a New Yorker, it's your job to pretend that you don't give a shit.

[Pablo Torre]

So why do you think that is in New York? What do you think the ethos of New York is? Because I have. I have a theory that it is fundamentally about how everybody in New York is too busy for everything else.

[Katie Nolan]

I think it's that. I think it's like, we got to do. We can't be like, oh, you know, there's Sam Rockwell at the hot dog cart. I don't have time for that. You know what I mean?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

With a healthy dash of. Of self involvement.

[Katie Nolan]

Sure.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

A little bit of like, I'm the big deal on this train.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah. I think it's. It's maybe a worse version of yours is you're not better than me.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

You're not.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You're on the subway.

[Katie Nolan]

You're on the subway just like me, bro.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah. Oh, you make $10 million a year. Well, guess what? There's a guy on this train that both of us are in who's masturbating and we're the same to him. We're the same.

[Pablo Torre]

What did you bring today?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

The uncrustable story.

[Katie Nolan]

Do we have uncrustables here right now to do this Boys.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, God. No.

[Pablo Torre]

I've always wanted to say boys and for uncrustables to come out.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Garcon.

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, look at the presentation.

[Pablo Torre]

Wow. Yeah. Passion.

[Katie Nolan]

Clearing the table.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Wow.

[Pablo Torre]

Wow.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's a gummy bear. Zamboni.

[Pablo Torre]

I'm lightheaded, by the way, from whatever it is we've been doing here.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

We now have a plate of uncrustables.

[Katie Nolan]

I don't think I knew what these are. It's like a sandwich situation.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Wow. You have a child. I thought this was a big kid thing.

[Katie Nolan]

We cook in our house.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Wow. Okay. Elitist.

[Katie Nolan]

Our kids eat freshly cooked goldfish crackers and cheeses.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Nice.

[Pablo Torre]

Can you explain the uncrustable? Because I don't know if everybody. Michael Cruz King.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

Sure.

[Pablo Torre]

Knows what this is.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that has the crust taken off almost as if you had a circular, like, cookie cutter. And you put that around and just basically took out the circular center of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sealed the edges almost like a dumpling. And then they freeze them, and then you take them out of the freezer, you let them defrost, and then you bite into them, and it's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The New York Times slash Athletic, did a story about how many uncrustables the NFL is eating. They got reports from 24 of 32 teams. So eight teams. Right. That's the math on that. Eight teams did not share their uncrustable data.

[Katie Nolan]

That's right.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

One of which being the Patriots.

[Katie Nolan]

So interesting. Something to hide.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

No idea how many uncrustables that the Patriots are eating. It says based on the information collected, it's safe to say that NFL teams go through anywhere from 3,600 to 4,300 uncrustables a week.

[Katie Nolan]

Holy.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So when you factor in training camps and the teams that did not share their data, the NFL as a whole easily goes through at least 80, 000 uncrustables a year. Denver has the highest reported consumption here. Weekly uncrustable consumption across the NFL, 700.

[Pablo Torre]

It is staggering.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I mean, they're ahead by a lot because the next closest is 320.

[Katie Nolan]

The Denver Broncos are eating 700 uncrustables a week.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

Why is this one in here?

[Pablo Torre]

Great question. I believe that one was heated up. That is it. Okay. So Nadir also behind the glass, he loves uncrustables.

[Katie Nolan]

Okay.

[Pablo Torre]

Like, sincerely. And he toasted this.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah. That people say, do you toast it straight out of the Freezer or do you defrost and then toast straight out?

[Katie Nolan]

He said straight out.

[Pablo Torre]

Straight out. Straight out of that freezer.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So I am. Here's what I. I'm going to take.

[Katie Nolan]

A bite out of this.

[Pablo Torre]

I'm going to.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I'm going to crime as well. If you could. Wow. This is. You're making it seem awful.

[Katie Nolan]

I'll tell you what, it's delectable.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

They really nailed it. I mean, the toasting.

[Pablo Torre]

My turn.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, it's an ASMR situation.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Damn.

[Katie Nolan]

The toasting really elevates it. My compliments to the chef.

[Pablo Torre]

I love these.

[Katie Nolan]

I love these.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Here's my thing. Can I. I. For the average person, the only time this makes sense to me as an invention is with like an NFL team. It's a bunch of people who need thousands of something made. You don't want to have to make a bunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But for the average Joe, no, I don't want them because why take it? I'm the kind of person that will even like take it. I don't like buying pre made sandwiches that have been sitting somewhere made as a sandwich in a. With condensation on the. Because I'm like, bread should not be hanging out with the. With the stuff. My mom used to make me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that by the time I got to them at lunch, the jelly was soaked through the bread and I was like this. I don't want to eat this. It tastes like a plastic bag.

[Pablo Torre]

Well, hold on, I'll just stop you there. The innovation of the uncrustable.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh my God, it's disgusting to you talk with that.

[Pablo Torre]

Is that the jelly with that. The jelly is inside of two layers of peanut butter and that prevents.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

My mom also. My mom also figured that out eventually. What I don't understand is why you need it. This is something that was not cost prohibitive. Making a peanut butter and jelly. Whenever I was at my hardest times, that would be most of my. I just get a thing of bread, get the peanut butter, get the jelly, and then you had the stuff you needed.

[Pablo Torre]

You would watch Bjork disassemble a television.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Right. While building my own peanut butter and jersey. But why would you need it to have this?

[Katie Nolan]

Because you're a smart gal on the go. You got stuff to do.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You don't got time to make a sandwich.

[Katie Nolan]

That's right. Exactly.

[Pablo Torre]

Exactly right. What does a she athlete need more than to get out of the kitchen.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Wow. I mean now.

[Katie Nolan]

And uncrust a her. No, I Don't know if I got that one.

[Pablo Torre]

Stay with it.

[Katie Nolan]

Unsung. Okay, so now it's daughter crustable.

[Pablo Torre]

Yep, that's it.

[Katie Nolan]

I made it a sun crustable. You follow?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Instead of an un crustable.

[Katie Nolan]

There we go.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Crustable.

[Katie Nolan]

There you go.

[Pablo Torre]

I hate crust.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, that's fine. Cut the crust off.

[Pablo Torre]

But I feel like wish granted. Why don't they sell crustless bread?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Because I think unless you freeze it, I think the crust serves a purpose. It's like, why don't they make skinless people?

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah. Wow. I just got my mind blown on that one. Holy. Because all this time I've been like, I wish I didn't have skin. But now I get it.

[Pablo Torre]

I think we could be skinless if we had layers of peanut butter containing our jelly.

[Katie Nolan]

Also let me say this. I like a crust. I'm a crust fan.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Me too. Because I'm an adult.

[Katie Nolan]

Harder. It's harder to put a crust back on, you know, I mean anyone. You can cut the crust off, right? But if you were served like an uncrustable. If I wanted to put a crust on this, I'm.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, well you could actually. I would argue you toasted it, which put a crust back.

[Katie Nolan]

Holy.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And that's why you liked the toast.

[Katie Nolan]

All been solved. Yeah, Everything's been solved.

[Pablo Torre]

A crustable.

[Katie Nolan]

Crustable. Yeah. Also uncrustable. I don't fully the logic of any of. I think too much about it doesn't really work for me.

[Pablo Torre]

So. Funny you mentioned that in this piece they explain that the name was derived from like this 11 year old kid who they like asked, what should we name this idiot?

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah. Did get a penny for it. I'm sure.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Kid was definitely not taking SAT prep.

[Pablo Torre]

Hold on, I'm just fact checking out. And the initial iteration, the incredible Uncrustable.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay.

[Pablo Torre]

Got shortened to Uncrustable after the brand was acquired in 1999.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Got it.

[Pablo Torre]

So I remember it.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Acquired by Smuckers. Those. That's Every. Every time I hear Smuckers I'm like, that sounds bad.

[Katie Nolan]

It was their worst slogan. They tried it for a little while. Smuckers, we're.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

They keep rubbing my knee with you. It's such an uncomfortable place to touch another person.

[Katie Nolan]

Maybe it's because I'm.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Man's.

[Katie Nolan]

I'm man Spreading.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes.

[Pablo Torre]

Thank God for the skin.

[Katie Nolan]

Thank God for the skin.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And pants.

[Katie Nolan]

So true.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And pants.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Gauze pants.

[Katie Nolan]

We brought all the things back. Everything's been so called back that we've. It's a Ouroboros. Is that something? What is that with that?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Its own tail.

[Katie Nolan]

There you go. I wish I could capture the look of disdain that I see when I look through there as they're like, oh, so they're doing the shooting of the gummy bears again.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It all comes back.

[Pablo Torre]

What did you guys find out today on a show about finding stuff out.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That Red Bull hires people, pays money to people, who will teach other people. Dwight Howard to female athletes. That you said very quickly.

[Katie Nolan]

Candace Parker. Skyler Diggin Smith.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh my God. Ally.

[Katie Nolan]

I pay attention to.

[Pablo Torre]

Yep.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Teaches them how to shoot. I did not.

[Pablo Torre]

I don't know if Red Bull specifically misinformation was spread. He certainly is employed by Red Bull. I don't know if they want to claim his training of them.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

He's just.

[Pablo Torre]

I've been informed for legal reasons.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So he's just on the payroll. So I found out nothing. He's on the payroll for Red Bull?

[Pablo Torre]

Yes.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

On like a retainer.

[Katie Nolan]

What's funny is we've been recording this episode, I think. Am I right for saying. When I say 17 hours.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

And it's going to be cut down to nine minutes. And the nine minutes is just gonna be us tossing gummy bears.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes.

[Katie Nolan]

Feudally at that.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Sped up.

[Pablo Torre]

Set to a Bjork soundtrack.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes.

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, I would like that. Or to the Saint Crispin's Day speech.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

What did you find out today?

[Katie Nolan]

Thank you. Finally, I found out that the world's largest kaleidoscope is fine. Yeah, it's fine. And that's good enough for me. I'll go in there and see the things kind of like, oh, look, that hexagon kind of spun around into a different hexagon.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

There were a couple moments we went.

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, and for how much was it?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Five bucks.

[Pablo Torre]

Five bucks?

[Katie Nolan]

Come on.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

At five bucks, that's pretty good.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Also, it claims to be the largest, not the greatest, so.

[Katie Nolan]

That's right.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It does. It was the biggest kaleidoscope I've ever seen.

[Katie Nolan]

They don't say world's best kaleidoscope.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's right.

[Pablo Torre]

I found out.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah. What about you, Pablo? What did you find out?

[Pablo Torre]

I found out that I still like that kid who likes turtles.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's correct.

[Pablo Torre]

I forgot one more thing.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

What's that?

[Katie Nolan]

Thank God.

[Pablo Torre]

What I found out today.

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, God. It's gonna go. It's worth it. It's worth it. For this.

[Pablo Torre]

I understand it now.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, I really believed you.

[Katie Nolan]

Producers are saying in my ear that it's not possible to record anymore. That there's no technology that allows them to record more than they've already recorded.

[Pablo Torre]

This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out A Meadowlark Media Production and I'll talk to you next time, Sam.