Pablo Torre Finds Out – Episode Summary

Episode Title: PTFO Smell Test: Celebrity & Athlete Fragrances, (Blindly) Reviewed
Date: January 14, 2025
Host: Pablo Torre
Guests: Katie Nolan, Lawrence Schlossman

Overview

In this lively episode, Pablo Torre, Katie Nolan, and Lawrence Schlossman embark on the "PTFO Smell Test," a blind, unsponsored review of 11 celebrity and athlete fragrances. With no knowledge of the brands or stars behind each scent, the trio explores the world of vanity colognes and perfumes, sharing candid reactions, humor, and cultural insights. The episode continues a trilogy of lighthearted product tests, following previous experiments with athlete alcohol and cannabis, and aims to inform (or warn) listeners ahead of Valentine’s Day gifting season.

Key Discussion Points & Fragrance Reviews

1. Setting the Stage

• Context: Pablo summarizes the trilogy: athlete booze, then weed, now fragrances.
• Participants: Pablo, Katie, and Lawrence (the latter admitted “men’s lifestyle expert” and Throwing Fits podcaster).
• Method: Blind smell test using pre-sprayed paper strips, only revealing the celebrity or athlete after a group sniff and discussion ([06:00]).

2. The Fragrance Gauntlet

Each fragrance is introduced by number, followed by blind, gut reactions and personality-imaginings.

Fragrance 1 – Michael Jordan’s Cologne ([07:45])

• Impressions: "Smells like my dad. 30 years." – Katie ([07:45])
• “Suppressed emotional accessibility ... aftershave aspect ... a man I once imagined I would be.” – Pablo ([08:03])
• “Unrequited love and affection … new money.” – Lawrence ([08:08])
• Reveal: Michael Jordan by Michael Jordan.
• Price: $21.36
• Consensus: It smells better than expected at first, then “Kroger’s cologne” when they learn how cheap it is.

Fragrance 2 – Chris Paul’s Avon Untouchable ([12:27])

• Impressions: “Very sweet … definitely more feminine.” – Katie & Lawrence ([12:39])
• “Like a ‘sophomore semi-formal’ sort of perfume from a magazine ad.” – Pablo ([13:08])
• Reveal: Chris Paul, Avon Untouchable; green liquid, odd design.
• Price: $28.99
• Consensus: Not much better than it looks.

Fragrance 3 – Britney Spears Curious ([15:36])

• Impressions: “Scented marker from elementary school … for a great aunt … very older woman.” – Katie ([15:50])
• “If this is a cologne, I’ll eat my hat.” – Katie ([16:39])
• Reveal: Britney Spears Curious (not her “love” version, Katie’s favorite).
• Price: $16.74
• Consensus: Nostalgic, childish, more novelty than allure.

Fragrance 4 – Cristiano Ronaldo CR7 Origins ([20:25])

• Impressions: “Whoa ... gasoline … crypto … this guy owns NFTs.” – Pablo & Katie ([20:41])
• “He still owns apes. Diamond hands unironically.” – Pablo ([21:00])
• Reveal: Cristiano Ronaldo, CR7 Origins.
• Price: $25.00
• Consensus: Unpleasant; “send this perfumier to The Hague.” – Lawrence ([22:39])

Fragrance 5 – David Beckham Instinct ([23:23])

• Impressions: “Cinnamon, spice … all spice … posh spice.” – Katie ([23:23])
• “A chance you’re taking – going out as someone else for the night.” – Pablo ([24:17])
• “Tasteful, posh … cool bottle … Tom Ford vibes.” – All ([25:25])
• Reveal: David Beckham, Instinct.
• Price: $19.20
• Consensus: Favorite so far; “best 19 you’ve ever spent.” – Lawrence ([27:22])

Fragrance 6 – Tom Brady x Stetson ([27:51])

• Impressions: “Shoulder pads … woman wearing a suit for the first time.” – Katie ([28:34])
• “Musky, filth … like a meerkat popping back down its burrow.” – Pablo ([28:14])
• “Original Stetson, the legendary fragrance of the American West.” – Katie (reading) ([29:21])
• Reveal: Tom Brady x Stetson
• Price: $30.47 (most expensive so far)
• Consensus: Odd, “the first lady” of the lineup.

Fragrance 7 – Jennifer Lopez Still ([31:57])

• Impressions: “Light, floral, fruity … very beautiful, delicate … can’t make eye contact with Pablo while he’s enjoying it.” – Katie ([32:03])
• “This is what a celebrity smells like … called ‘still’.” – Pablo ([33:02])
• Reveal: Jennifer Lopez, Still
• Price: $26.23
• Consensus: Aspirational, delicate, a “winner” for all.

Fragrance 8 – Will Levis Parfum de Mayonnaise (Hellman’s) ([34:33])

• Impressions: “Smells like a hotel lobby … soapy in a bad way … impossible to find.” – Lawrence & Pablo ([34:33])
• “Will Levis Number Eight – Hellman’s Parfum de Mayonnaise. Yo, they killed it.” – Lawrence ([34:48])
• Notes: Creamy, daring mayonnaise accord, parsley, coffee undertones; promotional/novelty product.
• Consensus: "Had no business trying as hard as it did." – Katie ([36:44])

Fragrance 9 – Derek Jeter Driven (Sample) ([37:16])

• Impressions: “Very delicate, platonic ideal of perfume, centrist … like perfume via algorithm.” – Pablo & Lawrence ([37:21])
• “Driven by Derek Jeter … Captain Boring.” – Pablo ([38:16])
• Consensus: Generic, "not my cup of tea."

Fragrance 10 – Taylor Swift Wonderstruck ([39:26])

• Impressions: “Juicy, fruity, bubble gum, bath & body works, for little girls.” – All ([39:30])
• “You should be on a watchlist if you wear this and you’re not 14.” – Pablo ([40:03])
• “Does Taylor Swift smell like this? Hell no.” – Pablo ([41:23])
• Price: $59.99 for travel size – “the most expensive per ounce.”
• Consensus: Egregiously overpriced party-favor for tweens.

Fragrance 11 – Donald Trump Fight, Fight, Fight ([42:51])

• Impressions: “Spearmint … Vietnam vet … like a VFW hall … alluring, potent, a ‘work of an old man’.” – All ([42:57])
• “Snake oil salesman … sticker slapped on a black bottle.” – Katie ([44:44])
• Marketing: Associated with Trump’s 2024 campaign.
• Price: $199 (retail), $216.67 paid by producers ([46:14])
• Consensus: Better than expected considering branding, but "the most embarrassing $200 we’ve spent." – Pablo ([46:11])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Michael Jordan’s Cologne:

  • "Suppressed emotional accessibility… a man I once imagined I would be one day." — Pablo ([08:03])

• On Cristiano Ronaldo’s Fragrance:

  • “Dude, that is fragrance imitating life.” — Lawrence ([22:29])
  • “Send this perfumier to The Hague.” — Lawrence ([22:39])

• On JLO Still:

  • “She did it again.” — Pablo ([33:37])
  • "Very beautiful. Very delicate. That's why you can't make eye contact." – Katie ([33:18])

• On Will Levis’ Mayo Perfume:

  • "Had no business trying as hard as it did." — Katie ([36:44])
  • "Creamy, daring mayonnaise accord. Like it's the Geneva ones." — Pablo ([35:36])

• On Taylor Swift Wonderstruck:

  • "That’s egregious… only for little girls." — Lawrence ([42:30])
  • “How dare you underestimate… Taylor Swift.” — Pablo ([42:17])

• On Trump’s Fight, Fight, Fight:

  • "This is the work of an old man… is it snake oil? Is it penicillin?" — Lawrence ([44:28])
  • "Most embarrassing $200 we’ve spent.” — Pablo ([46:11])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [06:00] – Testing & Method Explained
• [07:45] – 1. Michael Jordan
• [12:27] – 2. Chris Paul (Avon Untouchable)
• [15:36] – 3. Britney Spears Curious
• [20:25] – 4. Cristiano Ronaldo CR7 Origins
• [23:23] – 5. David Beckham Instinct
• [27:51] – 6. Tom Brady x Stetson
• [31:57] – 7. Jennifer Lopez Still
• [34:33] – 8. Will Levis x Hellman's
• [37:16] – 9. Derek Jeter Driven
• [39:26] – 10. Taylor Swift Wonderstruck
• [42:51] – 11. Trump Fight Fight Fight
• [47:02] – Reflections and Final Rankings

Final Rankings, Recap & Takeaways

• Winners:
  • David Beckham “Instinct”: Tasteful, nuanced, “best man and value.”
  • Jennifer Lopez “Still”: Elegant, universally liked.
• Surprises:
  • Trump “Fight Fight Fight”: Actually not terrible for a “snake oil” product, though absurdly expensive.
  • Will Levis “Parfum de Mayonnaise”: Shockingly competent for a joke scent.
• Disappointments:
  • Cristiano Ronaldo CR7: Overpowering, “gasoline.”
  • Taylor Swift Wonderstruck: Cloying, “egregiously” overpriced for a tween product.
• Running Theme:
  • Price and quality often diverge wildly.
• Parting Thoughts:
  • “Nose don’t lie. Trump got one.” – Lawrence ([48:47])
  • “Never trust the producers of this show.” – Pablo ([48:40])
  • The real winners: JLO, Beckham, and, bizarrely, Trump fragrances (against expectations).

For Listeners Who Missed the Episode:
This episode delivers a hilarious, candid exploration of the odd world of celebrity and athlete fragrances—from legit bargain gems to overpriced novelty bottles and scandalous self-promotion. The commentary oscillates between playful roasting, praise, and the genuine confusion celebrity branding often creates. David Beckham’s “Instinct” and Jennifer Lopez’s “Still” emerge as clear favorites for balance and value, while Taylor Swift’s and Trump’s offerings exemplify price insanity and shameless marketing, respectively.

Memorable for its laughter, creative analogies, and the surprising calibration of the hosts’ noses.