Share & Adobo & Tell with Alonzo “Hamburger” Jones and Michael Cruz Kayne

Summary

Pablo Torre Finds Out: "Share & Adobo & Tell" with Alonzo “Hamburger” Jones and Michael Cruz Kayne

Date: September 12, 2025
Host: Pablo Torre (The Athletic)
Guests: Alonzo “Hamburger” Jones (Comedian), Michael Cruz Kayne (Comedian, Writer)

---

Episode Overview

This lively episode focuses on Alonzo "Hamburger" Jones, a memorable figure in '90s comedy known for his iconic catchphrase "hamburger." Pablo Torre and Michael Cruz Kayne explore Jones's origin story, his place in the world of catchphrase comedy, and the ups and downs of carving a unique, enduring persona in standup. Alongside rich stories about the comedy grind, the trio touches on sports fandom, failed endorsements, and the earnest, sometimes comical pursuit of viral recognition. The episode is full of nostalgia, sharp comedic banter, and insider tales on resilience in show business.

---

Main Themes & Purpose

• The history, struggle, and legacy of Alonzo "Hamburger" Jones — from Def Comedy Jam nights to pop culture references in SNL and beyond.
• The mechanics, risks, and rewards of catchphrase-driven comedy.
• Navigating fame, typecasting, and branding—comedy as both art and survival.
• The intersection of sports fandom (with a heavy Giants/Jersey flavor), pop culture, and food nostalgia.
• Personal reflections on authenticity, adaptation, and self-marketing as a performer.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Who Is "Hamburger" Jones? (02:06–06:37)

• Introductions & Expectations: Alonzo admits he was unfamiliar with the podcast, setting an open, humorous tone, while the hosts recount discovering him via viral Def Comedy Jam clips.

  • “I know nothing. What do I have to sign?” — Alonzo Jones [02:28]

• The Jersey Cowboy: Jones’s persona—cowboy hat and all—stood out in the early ‘90s, especially against the era’s hip-hop sensibilities.

  • “For years I’ve been teased and laughed at for wearing a cowboy hat. Over 30 years, Beyonce makes one song, comes out wearing a cowboy hat, and the whole world wears [one].” — Alonzo Jones [00:18, repeated at 36:47]

• Def Comedy Jam Legacy: How Jones’s unique style and catchphrase earned him devoted fans and bewildering notoriety—often remembered more for “hamburger” than his name.

2. The Origin of "Hamburger" and Catchphrase Comedy (11:11–14:19, 26:43–27:29)

• Accidental Innovation: What began as a joke to avoid profanity and stand out (“I’m country? I’ll show you country.”) evolved into a ticket to comedic immortality.

  • “I said, I have to be different, separate myself…It got a little ugly and was about to get physical...So I do my uncle, who’s from North Carolina, and he says ‘hamburger’ instead of cursing.” — Alonzo Jones [11:25]

• Transformation & Branding: Early discomfort turned into a strategic, conscious branding effort as Jones realized the power of audience recognition. The development of "Hamburger" as signature—clean language, cowboy hat, and crowd-targeted sets.

  • “...I had to create my own marketing campaign. Where is this going? What’s my plan?...when I finished Def Jam, everybody thought I was 40, 50 years old [but] I was 26, 28.” — Alonzo Jones [25:09]

• The Risks of Branding: Despite the catchphrase’s success, Jones reflects on potential typecasting and feeling “locked in” to the cowboy hat.

  • "One night I showed up to a show without the hat. Promoter said he’s not going to pay me without the hat. So I’m a little nervous now to go on stage without the hat because I don’t know how it works." — Alonzo Jones [37:53]

3. Def Comedy Jam and Crowd Battles (15:36–24:57)

• Surviving Hostile Audiences: The challenge of performing in hostile, heckling environments was central to developing Jones’s aggressive, crowd-work-heavy style.

  • “You try walking on stage with a cowboy hat…every night I had to fight. Had to fight for my life every night on stage.” — Alonzo Jones [15:36]
  • “From the time I took the first step on stage...Five minutes later, I had them in the palm of my hand, left with a standing ovation, got my money, kept my phone on. Hamburger.” — Alonzo Jones [16:58]

• Legendary Sets and Peers: Recalls the night he and Bernie Mac shared the stage—describing Bernie’s immortal “I ain’t scared of you, mother…” set.

  • “Bernie goes on stage and takes the crowd and picks him up and throw him across the river. I said, in seven minutes, this guy demolished that audience.” — Alonzo Jones [22:16]

4. The Catchphrase Comic Zeitgeist: Recognition, Reflection, and SNL (27:07–31:19)

• Community & Parody: Mentions contemporary catchphrase comics like Shucky Ducky ("Shucky ducky, quack quack!") and reminisces about SNL's "Kings of Catchphrase Comedy" sketch.

  • “Kenan played me...and he came out and said, ‘beef.’” — Alonzo Jones [29:12]
  • “Were you offended? No. I go on there, and everybody’s treating me like I’m king.” — Alonzo Jones [29:38]

• Endorsement Woes: Despite being synonymous with “hamburger,” he’s never been approached for a burger advertisement—pondering missed opportunities:

  • “How have you not had a hamburger-related endorsement?” — Pablo Torre [31:54]
  • “I was sitting by my phone and I said, any day now, someone’s going to call me...Idiot. They don’t have your phone number listed.” — Alonzo Jones [31:55]

• The Fast Food Power Rankings: Jones names his top burgers: McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, White Castle. Comically admits he ate five Quarter Pounders in one high school sitting.

  • “I ate five consecutive quarter pounds.” — Alonzo Jones [34:58]
  • "For the record, my first job, I worked at McDonald’s, I was a chef." — Alonzo Jones [35:05]

5. Copycats, Criticism, and How Catchphrases Actually Work (39:28–43:47)

• The Anatomy of a Catchphrase: Jones explains why catchphrases must genuinely fit a comic’s persona, warning against inauthentic attempts.

  • “It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t fit their act...Just give it up. Catchphrase is not for everybody.” — Alonzo Jones [40:34]

• Is It Hacky? How to handle the criticism that catchphrases are “hack”:

  • “Once people see me live and in person, they have a whole different point of view… There’s jokes in between, and sometimes you don’t even catch the fact that I’m saying hamburger because it just slides in there.” — Alonzo Jones [41:50]

• Viral Resurgence: The hosts acknowledge their own initial ignorance and the power of the internet to bring legends like Hamburger back into the pop culture conversation.

6. The Infamous Chappelle Show Skit That Never Aired (46:14–50:05)

• The Lost Tape: Jones taped a skit for Chappelle’s Show—a Def Comedy Jam meets Def Poetry session that never aired. He plays a saved voicemail from the show’s staff apologizing for the cut.
  • “I was just happy because I still say on my resume: Taped Chappelle Show. Did not say it aired, but I said I taped Chappelle.” — Alonzo Jones [50:00]
  • “That call sounds like...he’s trying to tell you you’ve been cut out.” — Michael Cruz Kane [49:09]

7. Comedy, Identity, and Reflection (51:51–55:13)

• Finding Out: Each host and guest shares what they feel they “found out” during this deep-dive:

  • Michael Cruz Kane: “I found out that people would accuse Jersey of being country, which is the thing I’ve never heard in my entire...”
  • Alonzo Hamburger Jones: “That I’m not as popular as I thought I was...There’s two guys who didn’t know me.”
  • Pablo Torre: “Is that hamburger’s great hang legitimately. And also deep down, you just want to enjoy a filet of fish.”

• A Life Lesson: Jones closes with playful wisdom:

  • “All these wars and people carrying on. Just everybody sit down and have a hamburger or filet of fish.” — Alonzo Jones [54:40]
  • “You could solve all the world problems right there. Inflation. Come on, just eat a hamburger.” — Alonzo Jones [54:54]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You try walking on stage with a cowboy hat...had to fight for my life every night.” – Alonzo Jones [15:36]
• “I said, 'hamburger,' because I don’t curse. But I was cursing at the time...So now I have to retrofit a whole story for this phrase.” — Alonzo Jones [11:25]
• “No one calls me to do a hamburger commercial. No one calls me to be on the show...Drop, drop. Hint, hint.” — Alonzo Jones [31:19]
• “Crazy, man—that’s the catchphrase...Just give it up. Catchphrase is not for everybody.” — Alonzo Jones [40:34]
• “I was just happy because I still say on my resume: Taped Chappelle Show. Did not say it aired...” — Alonzo Jones [50:00]
• “We’re now in the hamburger cinematic universe.” — Pablo Torre [54:18]

---

Important Timestamps

• 02:06 — Introduction to Hamburger and his first impressions of the show
• 11:11 — Origin story of the "hamburger" catchphrase
• 15:36 — Jones’s battles with hostile Def Comedy Jam audiences
• 22:02 — Jones recounts sharing the night with Bernie Mac
• 27:29 — Modern reflections on branding, aging, and not being recognized for endorsements
• 31:19 — SNL, Chappelle Show, and the elusive burger endorsement
• 37:53 — Being “locked in” to a persona and the challenges it brings
• 46:14 — Playing saved Chappelle Show voicemail; skit that never aired
• 51:51 — Hosts & guest share takeaways from the episode
• 54:40 — “World peace through hamburger”—closing thoughts

---

Flow & Tone

• The conversation is honest, self-deprecating, and playful. Hamburger is quick-witted and resilient, matching Pablo and Michael’s blend of journalistic curiosity and comic warmth. There’s reverence for comedy’s past and a sharp awareness of the tough, sometimes arbitrary nature of fame.

---

Takeaways for Listeners

• Alonzo “Hamburger” Jones is a true original of standup, who—despite criticism and the fickleness of Hollywood—found ways to be memorable through persistence and embracing authenticity.
• Catchphrases can be a blessing and a curse, requiring real fit with the comic’s unique voice and experience.
• The world of comedy, much like sports and pop culture, is full of near-misses, unsung legends, and surprising second acts, as long as the work (and the jokes) stay fresh.

---

Find "Comedian Hamburger" on Instagram for more from Alonzo “Hamburger” Jones.

Transcript

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Pablo.

[Pablo Torre]

I'm Pablo Torre. And this episode of Pablo Torre Finds out is brought to you by Remy Martin. 1738 Accord Royale. Exceptionally smooth cognac for all your game day festivities. Please drink responsibly because today we're going to find out what this sound is.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

You're laughing, but I was mad because for years I've been teased and laughed at for wearing a cowboy hat. Over 30 years, Beyonce makes one song, comes out wearing a cowboy hat and the whole world wears. You was laughing at me last week, but now you wearing it. Where can I get a cowboy hat?

[Pablo Torre]

Right after this ad only. Boost Mobile. Boost Mobile will give you a free year of service. Free year when you buy a new 5G phone.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

New 5G phone. Enough.

[Pablo Torre]

But I'm your hype man. When you purchase an eligible device, you.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Get $25 off every month for 12.

[Pablo Torre]

Months with credits totaling one year of free service. Taxes extra for the device and service plan.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Online only.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Limu Game OO and Doug Limu and.

[Pablo Torre]

I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

But now we want you to feel it. Cue the emu music. Limu.

[Pablo Torre]

Save yourself money today.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Increase your wealth.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Customize and save.

[Pablo Torre]

We save.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

That may have been too much feeling.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com.

[Pablo Torre]

Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Very unwritten.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

By Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Excludes Massachusetts. Sometimes an identity threat is a ring of professional hackers.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And sometimes it's an overworked accountant who.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Forgot to encrypt their connection while sending bank details. I need a coffee. And you need lifelock. Because your info is in endless places. It only takes one mistake to expose you to identity theft.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it, guaranteed.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Or your money back.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Save up to 40% your first [e-mail] specialoffer terms apply.

[Pablo Torre]

I just need to say thank you for coming in.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Thank you man. I appreciate it. It was an honor and I'm flattered.

[Pablo Torre]

Can I ask you a question that is very self serving, but I think we'll establish some of the ground rules for what's about to happen here.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Oh, okay.

[Pablo Torre]

Hamburger. Do you have any idea like what this show does normally? To what extent is this a thing that you're familiar with in any way? And if the answer is I know nothing, that is my default expectation. So please just.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I know nothing. What do I have to sign?

[Pablo Torre]

Perfect.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's great.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Oh, I need to sign something. So.

[Pablo Torre]

In truth, like the whole origin of. Of this with me and Michael Cruz Kane, who's sitting to my right, and you, Alonzo Hamburger Jones, sitting across from us in a way that is so exciting, is that as of a couple weeks ago, months ago, depending on how long ago that was that we talked about you, you walking in here would have meant very little to me relative to what it means today.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Can I. Can I just clarify something up top? Do you prefer to be addressed as Hamburger?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

You can call me Hamburger.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay, great.

[Pablo Torre]

I sort of executively.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You just went for it. I wasn't sure if that was the rule.

[Pablo Torre]

It crossed my mind. But then you signed one of your texts, I think, or messages. Hamburger.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Okay.

[Pablo Torre]

And I was like, I'm just gonna pretend like I can be familiar as well.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

But a bold move.

[Pablo Torre]

We talked about how we didn't know you, right. And then what I did was I got extraordinarily familiar with you by watching all the the Game film.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Not much of a life, huh? You have nothing else to do? Just bored.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Paula's mostly Googling. If he's not here, even when he is here, he's. He's just Googling stuff.

[Pablo Torre]

And Michael, by contrast, what have you done to prepare for this?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I have done nothing. I've done nothing to prepare for. Except I have watched and re watched the clip from Def Comedy Jam, which I've seen, which I've seen now I've probably seen like 20 times.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Wow. Okay. I got 20 new views. Thank you.

[Pablo Torre]

So if you're new to Pablo Torre finds out because you just subscribed for our ongoing investigative series about the Clippers and Steve Ballmer and Kawhi Leonard. Thank you. Thank you for the views. We very sincerely appreciate that. You should also know that our show, which comes out three times a week, investigates lots of other stuff pretty much all the time. And exactly one month ago, we dropped an episode with Michael Cruz Kane and our friend Katie Nolan where we found out something else.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I learned about a comedian whose name I think is Alonzo Hamburger. Do you guys know this guy? Well, I'll tell you, the big thing about Alonzo Hamburger is that he says Hamburger a lot. He says hamburger all the time.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Look at this big joker here, Sam. Don't want to stand in front of YMC talking about, oh, look, they done spelled Macy's wrong. Ham Bergen, I ain't gonna have it. Who else wanna play?

[Pablo Torre]

Then once other people heard us say all of that, it began to dawn on me that this was someone that lots of other people, friends of Mine extremely vividly remember specifically from Def Comedy jam in the 1990s. And they were horrified, almost offended that we did not. So I thought that it was only right that I find this catchphrase comedy legend and invite him into our studio to sit with us. And we somehow started talking about the thing that every other sports podcast has been talking about this month, the NFL. I want to visually describe what you're wearing, because it's one of my favorite things about what's happening right now.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Right?

[Pablo Torre]

You're wearing a Daniel Jones Giants jersey, but it's Jones.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's for the Jones. I assumed it was for the Jones.

[Pablo Torre]

So the Daniel part of it is very. It's irrelevant to the jersey that you're wearing.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Well, I'm a big Giants fan, okay? I wanted him to do much better when he came to the team. I thought that, you know, first year, he was good. In my opinion, I thought he was good, but he didn't have a good offensive line, and I don't think he got a fair shot. And you know how New York fans are. You got about 30 seconds to show improve. If not, you're out. But I just think that Daniel Jones never had a good offensive line.

[Pablo Torre]

He could run.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

He can run. He ain't. But he can't get to the goal line. Remember the seven yard run or something.

[Pablo Torre]

He got, and then he fell down from the 12.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Jo gets a block, takes off, and he is gone. Trying to stay upright, and he trips.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Can you imagine announcing that play? He's at the 50, the 45, the 40. He's going 30. He might go, no, he ain't going all the way. Look at this.

[Pablo Torre]

So just because I want to establish how often in real life you say your catchphrase, does it happen a lot?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Mostly on stage. It's a word of excitement. It's a word to prevent me from musical profanity. But when you get me on stage, you're gonna get it eight times a minute.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Thank God.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Ham burger.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I was gonna say you just did.

[Pablo Torre]

The game call of Daniel Jones as Alonzo, but what if it was, you know, ham?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Oh, he would have got a. At the end, it would have been ham burger. What just happened here? Ham burger. I can't believe this.

[Pablo Torre]

He tripped over the ground and he has fallen.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's also like, that's. That is to talk about what you were just saying. It is a very New York fan to go. He ran 70 yards, right?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

But now it's a great play. Years ago, the jets had with the.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Butt fumble yeah, you got a busted play here. And then Sanchez gets hit. The ball is loose and it's alive.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I have never seen this before in my life. Watch this. Vince Wilfort is going to throw Brandon Moore back into his quarterback. He's going to fumble the football. Mark Sanchez not expecting it. And it was the backside of Brandon.

[Pablo Torre]

Moore that knocked the ball out.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So which one is worse? Which one would you take?

[Pablo Torre]

The butt. Fumble. Branding is hard to be worse than.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, but Fumble is worse for sure.

[Pablo Torre]

I think Daniel Jones doesn't have a nickname for when he just sort of like steps on a rake that no one else sees and then he collapses.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Adrenaline should have taken him from that far. You. You get that far, man, you just dive. You. You don't. That's everybody's dream to get that far in the NFL. I mean, you ran 70 yards and now you're going to just drop. That's embarrassing.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Daniel Jones.

[Pablo Torre]

WHO 2025 Daniel Jones found out who.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Would wear his jersey after that. That's embarrassing.

[Pablo Torre]

What kind of guy, what kind of idiot.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Which hamburger mo Daniel Jones and I'm giving him come NFL comeback player of the year this year. That's what I'm. I'm calling it right now. Daniel Jones, Michael Pitman, Jonathan Taylor. That's a. It's the Colts. Big three. They're back. They're back, baby.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

High interest debt is one of the toughest opponents you'll face unless you power up with a Sofi personal loan. A Sofi personal loan could repackage your bad debt into one low fixed rate monthly payment. It's even got super speed since you could get the funds as soon as the same day you sign. Visit sofi.compower to learn more. That's s o f I.com P-O-W e r loans are originated by Sofi Bank NA member FDIC terms and conditions apply. NMLS 696891.

[Pablo Torre]

Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

But now we want you to feel it. Cue the emu music. Limu.

[Pablo Torre]

Save yourself money today.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Increase your wealth.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Customize and save.

[Pablo Torre]

We save.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

That may have been too much feeling.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com Savings Ferry unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Excludes Massachusetts businesses that are selling through the roof like untuck it. Make selling and for shoppers buying simple with Shopify home of the number one checkout on the planet. And with shop pay you can boost conversions up to 50%. Businesses that sell more. Sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout untuck it uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com podcast free. All lowercase go to shopify.com podcast free to upgrade your selling today.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Can I ask about hamburger?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Ask anything you want.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Me. When was the first time did you like. It doesn't strike me as something that someone would plan right before they get out on stage. But did you? Or was it something you just happened to say on stage and you're like, oh, this kind of. This is fun.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So we're going back to 1988. It started comedy, and we'll jump forward to about 1990. Whereas I'm starting to realize what comedy's all about. And I'm realizing even somebody would say, who was on the show last night? I don't remember. And I said, I don't want to be someone in the crowd. I have to be different, separate myself. So one night I'm in a room with some guys from New York and they're trying to tell me who I am on stage. And they told me I'm country. And I said, I am not country. They said, yeah, everybody from Jersey's country. And it got a little ugly and it was about to get physical until they said, everybody in Jersey's country. So I said, I'll show you what country is. And I do my uncle, who's from North Carolina, and he says, hamburger. Instead of cursing because they wanted me to wear overalls and get a pig, I said, that's not me.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Whoa.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So I came in a suit with the cowboy hat and I said, hamburger. Ham burger. So I said, that's it. I'm not going to do that again. So the next night, everybody's like, yo, Tex, where's your hat? Where's your hat, Tex? I said, I'm not wearing a cap. I'm like 26 at the time. It's a hip hop era. Everybody's into a whole different look. I'm walking in with a cowboy hat and I stick out like a sore thumbnail. That was my wish. But you be careful what you ask for. So now I'm saying ham burger. And it's becoming catchy, and people like it. And I'm like, okay. Then they tell me, you're going to tape television. I'm like, why do you say hamburger? I say hamburger because I don't curse. But I was cursing at the time. So now I have to retrofit a.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Whole story for this phrase.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So you Know, I grew up in a neighborhood. My mother was in church, so I.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Grew up in Jersey.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

There's something wrong with that.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

No, no. Okay.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

All right.

[Pablo Torre]

Just a little country.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Jersey's not country.

[Pablo Torre]

But so disagree.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Hamburger in my area. In my area, it's not country. But if you go down to South Jersey. Yeah. You might get it there. So now I have to realize I say hamburger because I don't curse. So now all the profanity comes out to act. And I'm a clean comic now. And I'm saying ham burger. Now I have to have my point of view. What, what is hamburger about? The things I don't like in life. At the time, I didn't. You know, I was a big R B fan in the 70s. I didn't like the new music. So now I'm talking about the music, the way the kids dress and this, that and the other. And it just stuck and it grew on and on. So now it's H Burger. Ham burger. Ain't gonna have it. Hound burger. Don't make sense. And I'll just let you know. Ham burger.

[Pablo Torre]

The number of things that I want to just say aloud right now. I want to start with number one. You are, in fact, currently, for those not watching on YouTube, wearing a black cowboy hat.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yes.

[Pablo Torre]

And it's glorious.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Thank you.

[Pablo Torre]

The integration of the hat that you kept from the country premise.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Right.

[Pablo Torre]

But really you became hamburger centric.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yes.

[Pablo Torre]

Because that was really the distinguishing aspect and the cleanliness of your language. You're saying you weren't a clean comment?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

No. Initially, no.

[Pablo Torre]

Are you a guy who curses in life?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

No. So people ask me, do I have a filter? How do I do it? You know, how do I go through every day? I just. I thought you had to go on stage and curse. I didn't curse, but when I started doing standup, I thought you had to curse to be a stand up comic. Not realizing it's just about being creative and being funny. So now I'm after the Def Jam thing. I'm following guys and girls who are just cursing up the world. And now I gotta write my jokes a notch harder to compete with this because I'm not cursing.

[Pablo Torre]

When did you realize that the number of things you could substitute hamburger for was apparently infinite?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

It just happened. It just happened because ham. And then people come to me after a show or whatever and say, ham burger. I say this instead of this. I use your hamburger. When that happened, I was about to discipline my kids the other day. Instead, I said, ham burger. Somebody cut Me off a road rage ham burger. My boss got. I didn't get fired thanks to you because I said ham burger. My boss just paused and said, what? You can't get in trouble. What's the worst thing that happened? Somebody served you some food. That's the worst thing that happened. So you're good. Say, Helm Berg. So have you two ever been to a comedy show?

[Pablo Torre]

Yes. I mean, so Michael is.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I'm. I do stand up. I write. I write for. Com. For. For a TV show. A comedy show.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

When was the last time you did a show?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

The last time I did a show, was I there a week ago maybe?

[Pablo Torre]

Oh, no.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

You remember everyone on the show? No, see, that's my point. We're comics, and we can't tell you who's on the show with us. That's not good. So people say, you did a show last night. Who was on the show? Ooh, I don't remember. So I said, you know what? I have to find a way to erase that problem. And that's when I started doing hamburger. So going back, I'm wearing a cowboy hat before Def Comedy Jam, and this is the hip hop era. This is Showtime at the Apollo. So people want to boo and heckle comedians. You try walking on stage with a cowboy hat, and people are like, I was gonna say, night after night, I had to fight. Had to fight for my life every night on stage. And it's like, where's your horse? Hey, Roy Roger. And I'm sitting there every night. So it's. It was a tour. They had out, laugh, went out. I forgot the name of the tour, but they didn't want me on there because I wasn't hip hop enough. But all their comics went on stage and got booed off. One night I went on after them, crushed the crowd, demolished them. And they're like, yo, we want you on the tour. So now I'm on the tour. It was a tour with some of the local comics, and they had comics from Living Color and other comics who was popular at the time hosting the show. So Mark Curry was the host. We're in Boston, Everybody gets boot off. And promoter says, I'm not paying you.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Sounds terrifying, right?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

But this is the norm back then. So I said, look, I said to myself, my phone bill is due. I need this money. I said, I'm going out there and you're going to pay me. He said, we only had to do 10 minutes. He said, if you do 20 minutes, I'll give you double. I'm going to do it. So Mark Curry said, I. I don't advise you to go out there. That's a brutal cross. Bring me up there. So from the time I took the first step on stage. What the. Get out of here with this hat. Oh, my God. Where's your horse? Five minutes later, I had them in the palm of my hand, left with a stand ovation, got my money, kept my phone on ham bird so that it was like that every night, night after night. People just didn't believe in me because I had a cowboy hat. So after I did the Def Comedy Jam segment, Russell Simmons comes running on stage after the show and grabs me, and he's frantic. I'm like, oh, what did I do wrong? That was. That was brilliant. That was brilliant. That's great set of marketing ever seen in my life. That was brilliant. I said, what? And it didn't catch on at the time, but he said, you know, that was great marketing. Some of the greatest I've ever seen on stage. So I'm like, what does he mean by that? And then, little by little, it started to happen. I saw where people were saying, you are memorable. You will remember you. And now some people love it or some people hate it. I've read. I read some of the reviews where it's a hacky comic, this, that, and the other. But then people who've come to see me live and saw me in person say, this guy's funny. He's good.

[Pablo Torre]

Well, that's. That's what I want to tell you is that, admittedly, like, when I. When I discover you. And the pitch from Michael is over the weekend, I discovered a comic who says the word hamburger instead of many normal words that you would say. I'm like, what the hamburger are you talking about? And then I'm like, going through your tape and like, the deaf comedy, like, when you get on stage, you're also like, I mean, dude, you're going at the audience.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Happy Halloween, baby.

[Pablo Torre]

You're on your feet. You are so quick.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Check out my man here. Rico Suave. Y' all looking good out here tonight. Ham, burger, chicken. Y' all are. Look at it. Big round. So one guy said, you're a different dude with that mic in your hand. And I said, what? And then it clicked. But that night, there's a backstory to the Def Jam taping. So Def Jam. I was a little upset because maybe two or three tapings, I'm not on the show, all my friends are taping, but I'm not being included in the episodes. So I said, what's wrong. You know, what am I doing wrong? But finally they put me on the show. Here I am, and the first guy goes up. Chris Tucker, Mr. Rush Hour. Pissed off, man. Just got me a new place, man. Hate my neighbors, man.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I got neighbors that borrow all the time.

[Pablo Torre]

You ever had a neighbor that borrow your.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And keep it so long, you have.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

To borrow it back. So he goes out and gets a standing ovation. So as a comic, you know, the show should go up and up.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, something like that, right?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

If the first guy gets assassinated, tough act to follow. Exactly. So the next guy goes up, he gets booed off. Never in the history of Def Jam did anyone get booed off. And this is around the time that Showtime at Apollo is the hype show. So people think that's how audience is to be? No, we're taping for hbo. We're doing a different thing. Booing is not here. Heckling's not here. But this crowd happens to think we are going to boo. So the second guy is booed off. Now the next girl go on. They heckle her. She drops the mic and runs off stage. So now if you watch the show, at the end of the show, they have these dancers that come on, but right there at that point, the dancers on, it's almost like an intermission. I don't know if they're changing filming the cameras or what, but I'm backstage with Bernie Mac, who's going at it with Martin Lawrence, saying, hey, you got to do something. This is not Showtime to Powell, let them know they can't boo. Deuce all careers online. Martin turns around and said, if you can't handle it, you shouldn't be here. And I was like, oh, wow. And now Bernie says to me, you're from New York. You do something. I said, bernie, to be honest with you, I'm not from New York. I'm from Jersey. So we got a bigger problem. I'm paranoid now because I don't want to get booed. Everybody else is getting, you know, after Chris boo, booed. And I'm like, I can't get booed. So what do I do? I go out there and mess with the audience. Look at it. Big roundaway girl like, she been sitting on a bus stop sucking on pork chops. Ham, Ham. You know what? I'm telling the truth. It's a time where I'm saying, this is going to make it or break it. I'm just winging it, going at the audience, and the jokes are working. I'm thinking, I just crushed Just killed. Because I'm like, who? Who else want to play? I ain't scared. Who?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Come on.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Who else want to play? I might as well drop the mic and walk off stage. How did that.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And Bernie's on this on the same show, right?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Bernie comes after me crazy.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Because Bernie, I. I think I remember that set. That's what I'd heard about before, where. That's where he's like, I'm not scared of you, mother. You got that set.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I ain't scared of you. I'm gonna tell you something straight off the press. I ain't coming for no foolishness. And New York, goddamn. Y' all women look good. Y' all like a bigoted egg sandwich. Look good. Bernie goes on stage and takes the crowd and picks him up and throw him across the river. I said, in seven minutes, this guy demolished that audience. Had him in the palm of his hand from I ain't scared of you. Come on and kick it. And the place went crazy. Never in the history of Def Jam has anyone. He probably had one of the greatest, if not the greatest sets ever in the history of Def Jam. And I think we had the greatest show ever on the history of Def Jam. And, you know, they came back years later and did The Def Jam DVDs and the Def Jam VHF tapes, which brought a second life to us. So Ham Burger, I'm back. And Ham Burger, we've been kicking it ever since.

[Pablo Torre]

And that's where I started feeling stupid. Because when I go back and I see your legend, right, it originates from something that so many people, so many of my friends knew you from.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Really, Tell them I said, hello, man. I appreciate that.

[Pablo Torre]

They're listening.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Everyone.

[Pablo Torre]

They're listening right now.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Absolutely.

[Pablo Torre]

And. And in that way, they remembered you because of all of the things you said about your origin story.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So when you went out in all these shows you're talking about, you're going up against these hostile audiences. On Def Jam, for example, you do. You open that with crowd work, right?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yes.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

How often would you start doing crowd work? Because that can be doing stand up. I know. Like if. If the crowd is hostile, right. It is nice to sometimes get into the crowd, because then they know that what's happening is spontaneous. They feel like they're. It's real, as opposed to, I wrote this script. I'm going to come out and say these lines. So if they boo you and knock you off your horse, so to speak, you're. They could scare you out. But if you engage with them right away.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Did you just make that up. Knocking off the horse. That was good.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I didn't mean to do it.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I'm going to write that down, though. That's good.

[Pablo Torre]

Just two pros, but.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So my question is, how often were you doing crowd work? Or did you only do it when you were walking into hell?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Well, it got to the point every night I was walking into hell. I can say hell. Hell is not a curse.

[Pablo Torre]

I was going to ask. Yeah.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

And because people sit there, that. No, that's not. That's appropriate.

[Pablo Torre]

You're not. H e Double Hockey Stick Sing.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So you watch Happy Days.

[Pablo Torre]

Of course, that's.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

That's where. That's my favorite.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah, I'm elbow wing jukeboxes and everything.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Okay, we're gonna get back to that. So imagine every night you walk on stage and people are heckling you, and. But then some nights they're not. So now I'm in the frame of mind that every night I'm coming for the audience first, just to make sure we know there's a new sheriff in town. We're not gonna have this tonight. So it got to the point where people wouldn't even mess with me. But I'm just in the frame of mind that I'm going after the audience first. And it's been nice, innocent people. And I walk on stage and just tear up the audience for no reason. I'm like, you know what? They didn't deserve that. So now I'm less brutal on the audience. Nobody's knocking me off my horse anymore. I got a saddle. I learned how to ride. It's good, but it's ahead of its time.

[Pablo Torre]

I mean, look, a lot of what you're describing, right? The marketing strategy of, like, I gotta stick out. And also, like, crowd work. These are things that are very modern in the Internet era. Now, a lot of this is stuff that is so as a matter of just, like, a strategy.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I didn't have a manager, so I had to create my own marketing campaign. Where is this going? What's my plan? And I used to tell friends of mine, they were very physical on stage. This is cool. Now you're in your 20s, but what's gonna happen? Hit 60, you can't roll up and down. JB Smooth's a good friend of mine, and I used to tease him, like, you're very physical. When you're 60, you're not gonna be able to slide across the stadium. Dive me. I'm 26, acting like an old man. And that was another thing, because when I finished Def Jam, everybody thought I was 40, 50 years old, and I was 26, 28 at the time. Don't laugh. Here's the thing. I used to really bother me. So after the show, girls would walk up, oh, my God, you're so funny. And you, handsome, everything. Are you single? And I'm like, hell Burger. Yeah, I'm single. My mother wants to meet you. I'm like, your mother? So they go off and they bring. I'm like, oh, my God. So that was the negative part of it, because everybody thought it was old. When I tried to get into some acting, they would cast me for roles that. Sherman Hemsley from the Jeffersons.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Moving on up, right? But people in that age group, they would say, if Sherman turns this part down, it's for you. And I'm like, I'm not that old. So it got to the point where I had to walk into casting agent's office and have someone call him and said, is there anyone in your office right now? So, yeah. How old is he? Young guy, about 26, 28. That's hamburger. And they was like, no way. I'm like, ham murder. That's me. So they would send me down to the casting office. I get scripts that were made for younger people. People just thought I was an older person, so it didn't work for me. So.

[Pablo Torre]

Well, this is a lot about you so far, kind of figuring out who am I on stage as the audience and the world. And casting agents are sort of responding, and you're kind of adjusting and remaking yourself based on that. But the era, and this is something that I underrated, and I also didn't realize the era of the catchphrase comic. Were you aware that there were catchphrase comics when you became hamburger?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So it's funny you said it, because I had no clue. Catchphrase comics. Who was catchphrase, who were back in the 80s was some of the catchphrase comics that you remember, like Larry the Cable Guy.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That may be a little later.

[Pablo Torre]

Get her done.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I guess I should do this gator. All those came after.

[Pablo Torre]

But the guy. The guy who was. Again, I'm. I'm learning about all of them, finding out in real time as I'm, like, watching this stuff. Shucky ducky Duck whack.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Never take Shucky ducky is.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

See, Shucky ducky is this phrase that I created that means disappointment or excitement. For example, instead of cursing when you stomp your toe, you say, shucky ducky. Now, if you see a fine girl or a guy you like, you say, aw, shucky ducky. Now if you get the girl pregnant, you say, damn. Don't you say, shucky ducky. Cause you done shuck your ducky too long. That's when you should have been using your rubber ducky.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Now your ass is.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

And that's a good friend of mine. He came, I'm going to say, either the same time, a little bit after. But he's from Dallas, Texas, and a lot of people, believe it or not, get us confused.

[Pablo Torre]

But just to clarify, for people who don't know shucky ducky. And they should now, because of course, but shucky ducky. Quack, quack, quack. Had you ever sort of like, bonded with him about Catchphrase comics?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

We've been on shows together, and we tried to. I guess you don't know about SNL Saturday Live. Yeah, they did the.

[Pablo Torre]

I was gonna ask you about Kings of Catchphrase Comedy.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's the original Kings of Catchphrase Comedy Tour. The four Kings of Catchphrase are back, and they're going absolutely crazy.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

And they did a spoof on myself, Chucky Ducky, Bernie Mac and others. And Kenan played me. Now, here's the scary part. I did Comic View, wore a purple suit with a tie. He had the same exact suit and tie. I don't know how they did that. And I held.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Shout out to the wardrobe department.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Exactly. They researched very well. And I don't know how they found the material, fabric, whatever, but they reincarnated me. And he came out and said, beef.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Jelly with David Beef Jelly Winfield.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So my buddy Jimmy said, hey, man, you want to go to the Whopper House? And I looked at him, was like, can I?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Ain't going to no house made from no waffles.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Be jelly. Beef jelly.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And they're dusting off all your old favorite bits, like eating dookie.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

You ever come home and catch your wife eating dookie? Talking about, who put this dookie in my hand? You did, you nasty ass. And people say, were you offended? No. I go on there, and everybody's treat me like I'm king. Like, he's here. He's here. There he is. And I'm like, SNL knows me and Jay Farrell.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

All right. So Jay Farrell brings me on the show, and everybody's. And the guy comes, I. I wrote the script. I said. I said, no. I wrote everybody shaking my hand. I'm like, nice to meet. You're not mad. I know. Can I take a picture? I'm like, yeah. But they were treating me the way I felt about them and it was an honor. I'm like, here I am. And they did a part two, Kings of Catchphrase Comedy part two. So that was. Well. And then Jimmy Fallon on tonight's show, he and Jerry Seinfeld sitting there talking and he asked Jerry Seinfeld, did you ever have a catchphrase, you know, like hamburger? And Seinfeld said no. He said, no, I'm. Yeah, hamburger. And they start talking about me. I'm like, seinfeld knows about me. And then every now and then Jimmy Fallon would do a skit and say hamburger. And then he did the twelve days of Christmas. Hamburger, hamburger. And I'm like, this is ridiculous.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

The legend lives on, right?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

But people calling me and texting me like, yo, you're on this, you're on that. Different shows throughout. I'm on television, somebody would make a catchphrase, you know, I'm not saying you, but hamburger. And I'm like, this is amazing. But no one calls me to do a hamburger commercial. No one calls me to be on the show. Drop, drop, hint, hint. But that's who should be saying ham burger.

[Pablo Torre]

Football is upon us. Saturday, college kickoffs. Sundays, of course, it's the pros. Surfside. Iced teas and lemonades plus vodka. They got you covered. And it is not a seltzer. How dare you suggest that It's Surfside. It's 100 calories, 2 grams of sugar, no bubbles. So just ask for Surfside. Wherever you stock up for tailgates or watch parties or post game hangs, you gotta be 21 plus, obviously. But please, please drink responsibly. How have you not had a hamburger related endorsement?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

That's what I'm trying to figure out. And I've. When I came off the stage and after Russell said what he said, I was sitting by my phone and I said, any day now, someone's going to call me to do it. And I'm like, idiot. They don't have your phone number listed, so how they going to call you? But I thought through some way, somehow some closer to New York, somebody's going to find me and say, we need you to endorse or, or hamburger. Just say ham burger. Then they did a movie called Posi with Mar Van Peebles. It's a western. I wasn't in it. I'm like, I don't have to go to wardrobe or anything. I just walk out. I got my own hat. How you going to make western movies and not include ham?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Er, get out of bed and be right there.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Exactly. So I don't need a script. I know what to say. I know how to say howdy and other country words. So let me have it. Ham erg.

[Pablo Torre]

So you've been waiting. Cuz Def Comedy jam was 92.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yes.

[Pablo Torre]

You've been waiting 33 years for that phone call.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Now you feel my pain. Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

If this show does anything.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes, I want Carl's junior People.

[Pablo Torre]

What's. What's. What are hamburgers? Top five hamburgers.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Great question. Top five hamburgers from Hamburger himself.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Don't get me in trouble. Now, somebody could say, well, we wanted you, but you didn't pick. You got McDonald's.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay, this is.

[Pablo Torre]

This is in reverse order or McDonald.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I think it sounds like it's in no particular.

[Pablo Torre]

No, no, we got to have a particular. You're a sports fan. You're wearing a Daniel Jones jersey.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Okay. McDonald's number one.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Wow. Number one for McDonald's.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Wendy's number two.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay. The square burger makes.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I'm not forgetting nobody. And then Burger King.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, Burger King.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

And that's all we have in this area, right?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's it. Well, I mean, there's also Shake Shack. You got like. Those are like the fast food places you go.

[Pablo Torre]

What, What, What I've. What I've. What I've discovered. What I've discovered is that. And this is startling to me, it doesn't sound like hamburger likes hamburgers that much.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I do, but that's only three. I mean, White Castle was it. And they're kind of.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Is there still a White Castle in New York City? Yes, there is.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Where? There's like three where I live at in the area. But there's White Castle. That was my go to as a kid. I love those.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It used to be one in my.

[Pablo Torre]

Neighborhood, but they tore it down as of steamed hamburger.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

We were telling the kids how it used to be a nickel than a dime, and I googled it. I think it's like a dollar nineteen for a burger at White Castle.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's crazy. It can't cost more than a dime.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Same size.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Can't cost more than a dime to make that burger.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Same size, but now it's a dollar nineteen, so.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Wow.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Burger. That's a lot.

[Pablo Torre]

What's. What's your order? McDonald's.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I get the quarter Pounder. Flav fish. I love the filet fish.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

See? Wait, you're gonna what in the same visit? Will you do quarter pounder and Flaya.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Fish at once in high school? Yes. Okay.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

A little surf and turf.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I once said the record have five quarter pounders in one Sitting. That was the record.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Hell, yeah. Yeah. I would do that same. I would go to McDonald's, I'd be like, let me get four number twos. Super size. Let's ride.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So I was in the marching band. They used to tease me, but I always wanted to be the crazy guy who would challenge the football players. So we went toe to toe. See, you eat the most. I ate five quarter pounders.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Hell, yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

You ate one and a quarter pounds of quarter pounds.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I ate five consecutive quarter pounds.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

He's saying four quarter pounds.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Oh, yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

One po.

[Pablo Torre]

That's. That's. That's over a pound of.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Of hamburger. For the record, my first job, I worked at McDonald's, I was a chef.

[Pablo Torre]

How was that job as a. As an experience for you?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Well, it was good because you got to work at the counter and see the girls when they came in. That was a good thing.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

And, you know, my first job, you learned discipline, and it was. It's a lot of fun, you know, working at McDonald's. It was an honor because that was prestigious.

[Pablo Torre]

Oh, I used to have birthday parties.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

You know, in, like, the basement of McDonald's. You get. That was growing up. I'm from Manhattan.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Okay.

[Pablo Torre]

Like, that's. Yes.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I. And I grew up in Connecticut, but being in the ball pit of McDonald's as a child was like being in being in heaven. It was like. It would be like going to Beyonce concert now, which, you know, I took.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

A lot of pride in how to place the burgers on the bun, make sure I had the proper amount of onions.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You're an artist.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yes. And serve them because how now?

[Pablo Torre]

Because I am a Big Mac loyalist.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Okay.

[Pablo Torre]

I just had one two days ago.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah, absolutely. The sauce is perfect. It's a scientific instrument that I have found delivers every single time.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

But now I'm looking back at the lineup for Def Comedy Jam 92, and you're telling me. And this is. This is. I want the Mad Men theme music to rise under us.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay.

[Pablo Torre]

Out comes Hamburger, followed by Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I ain't scared of you.

[Pablo Torre]

And you're telling me between Hamburger Jones and Bernie Mac, there's not a Big Mac and Quarter pounder advertisement at McDonald's.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Somebody missed somebody. We gotta go back in time and fire somebody.

[Pablo Torre]

Excuse me.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It was.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

No, no, no. But I can't say it. Say it for me.

[Pablo Torre]

What?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

The hamburger, Ham burger. What the helly?

[Pablo Torre]

That's a missed opportunity.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yes. So hopefully someone. And also Stetson Hats. They should have called me by now. You're laughing, but I was mad because for years I've been teased and laughed at for wearing a cowboy hat. Over 30 years, Beyonce makes one song, comes out wearing a cowboy hat, and the whole world wears. You was laughing at me last week, but now you wearing it. Where can I get a cowboy hat?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

People.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I want to be a cowboy. So they go out and get the boots, not knowing. You can't wear cowboy boots for eight hours straight dancing and whatever, and then try to walk back to your car, your feet hurt. Now you are a cowboy because you're limping and staggering.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So hamburger get you on tour with Beyonce. Beyonce's come up a couple times. I feel like she probably listens to the show.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Gotta get hamburger. Gotta get hamburger on stage.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Maybe part of the beehive. Yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Wait, can I ask a question about comedy again? So you've been saying hamburger in your set since 1992. Before. Since. Before 92. Since 88. You said you started, but you started doing hamburger like in 1990.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

A couple years later, about 90. And then about 92, I had perfected it to a point. I can take it on stage.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay, so now you've been doing it for 30 plus years since then.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

True.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Is there any part of you that's like, I'm locked into this hamburger? I wish I could stop doing this. But now I kind of. Now people are like.

[Pablo Torre]

People are coming to see that.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So have you made a prison for yourself?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yes and no. I've tried to stop it. I saw Chris Rock one day. I said, I'm ready to get rid of this hat. No, don't do it. I said, why not? He said, that's what makes you special. Keep the hat, you'll be like everybody else. I said, you're right. So I kept the hat. One night I showed up to his show without the hat. Promoter said he's not going to pay me without the hat. So it's to the point now I've branded myself to have to have the hat. So I'm a little nervous now to go on stage without the hat because I don't know how it works. So this thing is like glued to my head. Right. Mentally. So I'm going to keep wearing the hat.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

But you know what? Okay, I don't mean to cut you off talk. I just wanted to say that because you're so locked into the hat, you're so identified with the hat, you're so identified with saying hamburger, you could kind of do like A Clark Kent Superman situation.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah, yeah.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Go to some city where they don't, like, know you as well, no hat, no hamburger, and just do totally different. Stand up.

[Pablo Torre]

You call yourself filet o fish.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

You go by filet fish.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Do I say filet of fish? Like I said filet doesn't even say.

[Pablo Torre]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Hold on.

[Pablo Torre]

Feel it out.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, you try.

[Pablo Torre]

How does it.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Filet o fish?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I like. It's like watching tartar sauce. No, it's. It's like watching. It's like watching the reference that comes to mind. No one is gonna know. It's like watching James Galway pick up the flute. You know what I mean? Just like, what is he gonna do with filet of fish? And here I am trying to do it for him like an idiot.

[Pablo Torre]

Can you help Michael, fellow comedian.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

Develop a catchphrase.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, do you have any extra catchphrases.

[Pablo Torre]

Lying around under your hat? I know is a list of catchphrases.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So I have to watch his act and see what he talks about, what's his background, what's. And tied into that. Because it has to go into your act, because it's not going to make sense for him to say something that daffodils.

[Pablo Torre]

Right.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

And he doesn't talk about flowers or anything.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

As an artist, he's not just. He's not just cranking out. Yeah, nonsense.

[Pablo Torre]

How would you describe your act? The hamburger concern?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I mean, I guess I do. If I talk about any sort of culture, it's probably being Filipino. I'm half Filipino.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Okay.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Pablo's full. So we're kind of arranged in order of how Philippines.

[Pablo Torre]

We're like a pound and a quarter of Filipino.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Okay.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

We're five quarter pounders of Filipino right here.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So you're Filipino.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So I guess if I were going to shout a word, it would be adobo or something. Is that. That maybe would be a catchphrase then?

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So far.

[Pablo Torre]

I'm offended.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So scratch it. You've been canceled already.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Now that I'm saying this, I might try it. I might try just for one second saying adobo every time I would naturally swear.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

But, you know, it's this. The painful part is watching a comic really try a catchphrase that doesn't work. And it doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit their act. And they go up there and say something over and over. You're sitting there like, give it up, dude. It's not for you. And you know, sometimes, and this is a secret, when comics are bombing, they're going to say, crazy man. Crazy, Crazy, man. It's crazy. Have you ever seen that?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, absolutely. Of course.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

And I watch comics and, like, that's the catchphrase. Crazy, man. It's crazy. It's crazy. And I'm like, no, give it up. Just give it up. Catchphrase is not for everybody.

[Pablo Torre]

I think I may have said this to you before, but it's like, ironically, like, the word that you won't say, the word right is inflected and used in as many ways as you use the word hamburger.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Right. It can be a noun, it can be an adjective. You can. You take it and make it what you want.

[Pablo Torre]

Right. And so your comfort with inflecting it.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Right.

[Pablo Torre]

Is what makes, to me, the whole thing work.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

And look, the whole criticism underneath the SNL sketch, if you wanted to see it, not as a comic who's supposed to laugh at himself and everything, but as a sensitive person, which it sounds like you did not react this way.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

No, I loved it.

[Pablo Torre]

But the whole idea is, this is hack, Right?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Exactly.

[Pablo Torre]

And how do you feel about that general criticism?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I know that it's not hack because it's funny. I'm funny. And once people see me live and in person, they have a whole different point of view of what hamburger is. And hamburger's funny because not just like I come on stage, hamburger, hamburger, hamburger, hamburger, hamburger. There's jokes in between. And sometimes you don't even catch the fact that I'm saying hamburger because it just slides in there.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah, you're saying it as if you would say a normal word.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

But people, by the time they leave, they walk up to me after serving hamburger. Now I have the whole entire audience saying, hamburger. How did that happen? So I just left Canada, and I was shocked because here's 200 people waiting in line to shake my hand, say, hamburger. I always want to meet you, hamburger. And I'm like, how do people overseas know about this thing? So it's a worldwide effect. It's unbelievable because the jokes have changed. But ham burger is the same.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I mean, to that end, there are certainly, like, on. On clips of this show where we talk about you. There's definitely people in the comments being like, how is it possible that you have not heard of Alonzo Hamburger Jones? And where I work with a bunch of comedians, there's one comedian who, like, introduced me to you.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Right.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's a. A wide range of people who go all the way from, oh, my God, I've seen everything he's ever done to wait, I can't Wait to see it.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Right.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And it's. You have a way on stage that is like very, like low key but very joyful. I think that is fun to watch.

[Pablo Torre]

The vibes are good.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

It's never stopped.

[Pablo Torre]

The sort of like virality of the clip we posted is part of. I mean, I'm now using hamburger for views.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Absolutely. I mean, I'm definitely loosely saying hamburger in my life just from time to time.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Just don't say it on stage.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, okay.

[Pablo Torre]

Has anyone tried to. Oh yeah, copy your literal same catchphrase?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

No. No one said hamburger. But one guy went on stage saying pork chop. And when he came off stage, you know, the comments was like, that's too close.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Give it up. Get out of here. Get the out of here.

[Pablo Torre]

Get the out of here.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Into oblivion.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

They really do come on. So. And then early on people was like, you know, Chucky, Ducky stole. I said, Chucky, Ducky and I, we never saw one another. So it's just a coincidence that two guys came through the same error.

[Pablo Torre]

Right.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

With a. So that's about it. But can I shout out my Instagram?

[Pablo Torre]

Of course.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Comedian Hamburger on Instagram.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And Doug Limu.

[Pablo Torre]

And I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

But now we want you to feel it it. Cue the emu music. Limu Save yourself money today.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Increase your wealth.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Customize and save. We save. That may have been too much feeling. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Pablo Torre]

Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Very underwritten by.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Excludes Massachusetts businesses that are selling through the roof like ntucket make selling and for shoppers buying simple with Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. And with shop pay you can boost conversion versions up to 50%. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify, Upgrade your business and get the same checkout untuck it uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com podcast free. All lowercase go to shopify.com podcast free to upgrade your selling today. Confronting high credit card debt can feel scary. But the good news is if you owe $10,000 or more in credit card debt, financial relief options are now available. National Debt Relief is currently offering debt relief designed to reduce what you owe, fast tracking your way to being debt free. If you qualify for debt relief, you may be able to pay back significantly less than what you owe and save thousands of dollars. Imagine only paying one low monthly program payment you can afford and saving money as you become Debt free. National Debt Relief has already helped bring debt relief to over 550,000 US consumers.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Earning thousands of five star reviews and.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

An A rating with the Better Business Bureau. You're stronger than your credit card debt. Take the first step and visit nationaldebtrelief.com to see what debt relief you qualify for. That's nationaldebtrelief.com tape the Chappelle show, but it never aired.

[Pablo Torre]

Wait, what did you take for a Chappelle show that never aired?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So we did a skit. It was supposed to be Deaf Comedy Jam meets Deaf Poetry. Dave is going to be the host of the Def Jam meets Def Poetry. It was Joe Torrey, myself some more, and Chucky Ducky, and most Def Mos Def hosted.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Didn't he host Def Poetry Jam?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Did he? But he was on the skit with us.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Okay. I thought he really hosted that show, but maybe I'm remembering we made it.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

To the bloopers of Dave Chappelle's show, and that's the one he comes on and said, well, this skit we supposed to have Hamburger come out and Chucky Ducky. But this didn't happen. Let me show you what I wanted to be. And he just shows himself playing a bongo. And I was so happy. Tape Chappelle. Tape Chappelle. But that's it. I just tape Chappelle. So it never aired.

[Pablo Torre]

So somewhere out there, there's a video of this Def Poetry meets Deaf Comedy Jam, and you're in it.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

And I saved the phone call and they called me back. It's on my phone.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, really? That's great.

[Pablo Torre]

You still have it?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah, I don't know how much time we have.

[Pablo Torre]

Oh, we got time to play. I love a saved voicemail.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Hey, Hamburger, how you doing, man? It's you, Seth, giving you a buzz from Chappelle Show. I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to get back to you, man, but just want to let you know that the episode that you shot will be airing Next Wednesday the 31st. Next Wednesday the 31st will be the episode that you shot. It is going to look a little significantly different because they chopped up a whole bunch of different sketches and put them into this one particular episode. So from what I saw, it looked like it was just Dave's portion and a little bit of like Mos Def, but that's because normally there's only about three or four sketches in a show, and we're going like six in that particular one. So they chopped it up. But it will be airing next Wednesday, the 31st. All right, thanks again. And, of course, we'll keep you in mind for all kinds of other stuff for season three as season two has come to an end. So we will definitely keep in mind for good things happening for season three. And thank you so much again for, you know, joining us that one time and helping us make, you know, helping make season two what it has become.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

All right, take care now. We'll talk soon. Bye. Bye.

[Pablo Torre]

When you hear that you're. You're anticipating what.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So I'm anticipating that I am now about to go to a different level. First of all, I'm thinking about all the people in my neighborhood are going to be like, oh, my God, you are on Chappelle. You're on Chappelle. I really. I just want the kids in my neighborhood because they talk about Chappelle show every day. So I'm like, they're going to be like, how did you get to go on a Chappelle Show? Right, right. And, you know, that would do a lot for your career, being in a skid on Chappelle Show. And I got to play myself. So I'm thinking it's gonna help launch me in the comedy clubs, launch me across the country, launch me across the world. But it never aired.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So that call sounds like he's trying to tell you, like, that you're not. He's not. He's not saying it, but he's kind of telling you you've been cut out. Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

Just like, it's different. So when you go on to the episode, you just weren't in it at all.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So.

[Pablo Torre]

Which happens, by the way, like, in. In the biz.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, yeah. I've been cut out of. I've been kind of several things.

[Pablo Torre]

He was in severance, by the way.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I haven't. I wasn't cut out of severance, but I basically was. But I also, like, I think I had a line maybe in the pilot of Succession or something that got cut out. I had a scene in a different show. Like, I'm. I'm accustomed to that, but it sounds like your thing was more substantial. My lines were. I mean, even if I'd been in the show, it's like I was cut out of the show. That's how small my parts were. But the feeling of, like, I sat there for a whole day, we worked on all this, went towards all these people I respect and all this stuff, and it ends up not airing. That sucks.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Well, I was just happy because I still say on my resume Taped Chappelle Show.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Hey, did not say it aired, but I said I taped Chappelle and now.

[Pablo Torre]

You can say taped. Do you know what the name of the show is?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

There's two. Yeah, you have two segments. Which one am I on? Am I right? Well, it's a investig finding.

[Pablo Torre]

It's probably, effectively the answer is probably not gonna go on your resume now.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Wow, I will. You have a large following. All my friends like yo go on the show.

[Pablo Torre]

Oh, no, no, no. This, the show is called Michael Cruz Kane finds Out.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

All right, Not Michael.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

It's called Pablo Torre finds Out. That's the show that you're on.

[Pablo Torre]

And currently there are a lot of NBA fans who are expecting a development in a massive scandal in the league around Kawhi Leonard and the Clippers and this fraudulent company.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And what they're going to get is the life and times of Alonzo Hamburger Jones.

[Pablo Torre]

And so this is where I just got to jump in to very quickly say that I of course did text friend of Pablo Torre finds out a previous guest on our show, Neil Brennan, who co created and co wrote Chappelle's Show. And what I asked Neil was to remember the life and times of Alonzo Hamburger Jones, quote, do you remember a sketch from Chappelle's show that got cut at some point in the run that involved Hamburger? Parentheses, as in Alonzo Jones, close parentheses, question mark, end quote. And what Neil wrote back immediately was quote, of course, end quote. So I should explain the show at the very end of the episode to you. Like we're a show that uses.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

So you know what, you know what this show is?

[Pablo Torre]

This is a show that uses journalism to solve mysteries and has been lately investigating a relatively large scandal involving the sixth or seventh richest man in the world, Steve Ballmer, the owner of the Clippers.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Can I interrupt you? Just say one thing. You may not know this. It's his show. I'm like, oh, I'm on it sometimes.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

But you discovered me and turned me on to him. So.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's right. I'm. I am the con.

[Pablo Torre]

Michael Cruz Kane fan finds out was how I funny thing.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

I don't know when it aired, but two people sent me a text saying they're saying your name, Hamburger. Look at this. Look at. You gotta. I'm like, inbox them. What? Just inbox him. So I did it, but thank you. I mean, it's. It's amazing. It's a great thing, but Hamburger will go on forever. But like I said, I write new jokes daily. You know, I I often say the folks in, in Beverly Hills, those big, big shot comedians, they don't know what's going on in the world today. They don't interact with normal people. But for myself, I happen to talk to people every day, so I can take the stuff that I hear normally and just bring it on stage. And people. How do you know about that? That's the latest slang. What do you know about that? You're too old. No, I'm still living. I'm in Jersey. I know everybody.

[Pablo Torre]

Yeah. Hamburger Jones finds out.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

There you go.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

That's right.

[Pablo Torre]

At the end of every show, a Pablo Torre finds out. We go around the table and Katie Nolan, who usually sits in your seat. So Katie.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah, I like the chick Katie.

[Pablo Torre]

It's Katie.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

We're.

[Pablo Torre]

We're sorry that you're not here, but Hamburger needed the chair.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, we just. There wasn't. There wasn't room.

[Pablo Torre]

And Hamburger, I think, is gonna actually enjoy potentially how we end the show, which Katie never does, because I go around and say, what did we all find out today?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

So, Michael, do you want to start off with what we found out? Sure.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I mean, I. I found out that people would accuse Jersey of being country, which is the thing I've never heard in my entire. The word country I've never heard associated with Jersey before. But that was just a different era, I guess.

[Pablo Torre]

Spoken like a true person who's from Connecticut.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah, that's right.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

It's Connecticut. Country.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

People from Connecticut do not think of themselves as country.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Country.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

They think of them as country. We have. We have country houses, but not. But not country.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

So the people living in the country house are not country?

[Michael Cruz Kane]

I don't. I don't think they would say so. They would think of themselves as.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Don't compare yourself to New York. Yeah.

[Pablo Torre]

Hamburger. What did you find out today?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

That I'm not as popular as I thought I was. There's two guys.

[Pablo Torre]

That's your takeaway?

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

There's two guys who didn't know me.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, you're in. You're in the. We're in the hamburger renaissance. We're in the burger.

[Pablo Torre]

We're now in the hamburger cinematic universe.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

We don't know very much. You know what I mean? So I would. Don't take our ignorance as a personal slight.

[Pablo Torre]

What I found out today.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yes, Pablo, what did you find out?

[Pablo Torre]

Is that hamburgers. Great hanging legitimately. And also deep down, you just want to enjoy a filet of fish.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

There you go. With some tartar and cheese. That's it. That's. That's what life is all about, man. All these wars and people carrying on. Just everybody sit down and have a ham burger or a filet of fish.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

And that would solve all the problems we ended on. A life lesson.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah. We can go to Ukraine right now, put a hamburger and a filet. Whoa. And solve all the world problems right there. Inflation. Come on, just eat a hamburger.

[Pablo Torre]

Zielinski, if you're listening.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yeah, that's all you need.

[Pablo Torre]

If zelinsky, Beyonce and McDonald's are listening.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

This is not a turn I expected this show to take.

[Pablo Torre]

And Bernie Mac.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Yeah.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Yes. Rest in peace.

[Pablo Torre]

Definitely.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

The Big Mac.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

The Big Mac.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

The biggest. The biggest Mac.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

The biggest Mac of all.

[Pablo Torre]

Thank you for your time.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

No, thank you for having me, man. My pleasure. Ham burger, hamburger.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Or as I say, adobo.

[Pablo Torre]

Adobo.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Practice that.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

No, I think it sounds good.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

No.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Oh, boy. My wife was late to pick up the kids today. Does it sound.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

It sounds like you're not gonna give me any competition.

[Pablo Torre]

Pablo Torre finds out is produced by Walter Averoma, Maxwell Carney, Ryan Cortez, Juan Galindo, Patrick Kim, neely Lohman, Rob McRae, Matt Sullivan, Claire Taylor and Chris Tuminello RStudio Engineering by RG Systems Sound Design by Andrew Burcic and NGW Post Theme Song as always by John Bravo and we will talk to you next time only Boost Mobile. Boost Mobile will give you a free year of service. Free year when you buy a new 5G phone.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

New 5G phone. Enough.

[Pablo Torre]

But I'm your hype man. When you purchase an eligible device, you.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Get $25 off every month for 12.

[Pablo Torre]

Months with credits totaling one year of free service.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Tax is extra for the device and.

[Pablo Torre]

Service plan online only only. Doug Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

But now we want you to feel it. Cue the emu music. Limu.

[Pablo Torre]

Save yourself money today.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Increase your wealth.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Customize and save.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

We say that may have been too much feeling.

[Michael Cruz Kane]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty Liberty. Liberty Savings very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates excludes Massachusetts.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Hey, this is Sarah.

[Pablo Torre]

Look, I'm standing out front of a.m. p.m. Right now and, well, you're sweet and all, but I found something more fulfilling, Even kind of cheesy.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

But I like it.

[Pablo Torre]

Sure, you met some of my dietary needs, but they've just got it all. So farewell. Oatmeal. So long, you strange soggy.

[Alonzo Hamburger Jones]

Break up with bland breakfast and taste AM PM's bacon egg and cheese biscuit made with K tree eggs, smoked bacon and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit. Am PM too much good stuff.