Podcast Summary:

Pablo Torre Finds Out
Episode: We Blind Smell-Tested the Best (and Worst) Celebrity and Athlete Fragrances (PTFO Vault)
Release Date: July 4, 2025
Host: Pablo Torre
Guests: Katie Nolan, Lawrence Schlossman

Overview

In this entertaining and unpredictable episode, Pablo Torre teams up with Emmy-winning personality Katie Nolan and fashion/lifestyle podcaster Lawrence Schlossman to embark on a blind smell test of 11 celebrity and athlete fragrances—ranging from the iconic to the infamous. The trio dives nose-first into scents released (and sometimes hawked) by everyone from Michael Jordan to Jennifer Lopez, Ronaldo, and even Donald Trump, dissecting the aroma, branding, value, and unintentional comedy of each product. Their explorations are punctuated by confessions, running gags, and a running tally of hits and heinous misses, with special attention to cultural associations, packaging, and price points.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Background and Setup (03:18–08:56)

• This episode is the third in a PTFO “product trilogy” (athlete booze, athlete weed, and now, fragrances).
• Katie Nolan and Pablo recap previous product taste-offs, noting which athlete liquors and cannabis strains wowed or flopped in past episodes.
• Format: Each fragrance sample is pre-sprayed onto a paper strip and placed in a numbered bag; the panel sniffs and critiques blindly, then reveals the celeb or athlete behind the scent.

The Blind Smell Test: Fragrance-by-Fragrance Breakdown

1. Michael Jordan: Michael Jordan Cologne (08:57–12:57)

• First Reactions: “This smells like my dad 30 years ago.” — Katie (08:57)
• Scent: Classic aftershave/dad vibes, "barbershop," “New money.”
• Perceived value: Smells expensive at first, but not so much after learning it’s $21.
• Packaging: Basketball-themed bottle; “Kroger’s cologne.”
• Notable Moment: “It smells like suppressed emotional accessibility.” — Pablo (09:16)

2. Chris Paul: Avon Untouchable (13:14–16:29)

• First Reactions: Very sweet and aquatic, perceived as more feminine.
• Bottle: Mountain Dew-green liquid, minimal branding.
• Verdict: Split; not offensive, but confusing in its target market.
• Price: $28.99 (felt overpriced).

3. Britney Spears: Curious (16:52–21:30)

• First Reactions: Smells like a “very older woman” or “scented marker.”
• Katie recognizes it, having worn Britney fragrances in the past.
• Bottle: Small, gem-like, Walmart-appropriate.
• Price: $16.74—deemed a good value for its audience.

4. Cristiano Ronaldo: CR7 Origins (21:38–24:32)

• First Reactions: “This is gasoline.” “Smells like crypto.” “Coked up business pitch.”
• Strongly disliked—overpowering, aggressive, unpleasant.
• Reveal triggers laughter and ridicule. Ronaldo’s “unbuttoned shirt” on packaging.
• Price: $25—“You still paid too much.”

5. David Beckham: Instinct (24:36–28:47)

• First Reactions: Spicy, layered, surprisingly elegant. “This smells expensive.”
• Draws positive comparisons to Tom Ford. “Tasteful guy, tasteful fragrance.”
• Price: $19.20 for 75ml—considered best scent and best deal so far.
• Notable Quote: “Beckham nailed it. Cristiano—no taste, gasoline.” — Lawrence (27:33)
• Emerges as clear favorite.

6. Tom Brady: Stetson (29:03–31:16)

• First Reactions: Heavy musk, “filthy,” “Like a woman wearing a suit for the first time,” “shoulder pads.”
• Intended as “legendary masculine scent;” panel agrees: not pleasant and oddly gendered.
• Price: $30.47—most expensive yet.

7. Jennifer Lopez: Still (31:28–34:42)

• First Reactions: Light, floral, fruity, “aspirational,” almost unanimously liked.
• “This is what a celebrity should smell like.”
• Price: $26.23—deemed “worth every penny.”
• Notable Quote: “JLo, you did it again.” — Katie (34:41)

8. Will Levis: Hellman’s Parfum de Mayonnaise (34:58–38:13)

• First Reactions: Pleasant, soapy, like a hotel lobby—remarkably inoffensive for a joke scent.
• Reveal: It’s real! Sold out everywhere—a “creamy, daring mayo accord.”
• “No business being this good.”
• Notable Moment: Pablo reading the whimsical official description—“creamy and daring.”

9. Derek Jeter: Driven (38:28–40:35)

• First Reactions: “Generic,” “algorithmic perfume,” “centrist.”
• Sample only; immediately forgotten.
• Panel agrees it matches Jeter’s mild media persona.

10. Taylor Swift: Wonderstruck (40:39–43:48)

• First Reactions: “Bubble gum,” “Bath & Body Works,” “for little girls,” “mean girl perfume.”
• Bottle: Tiny, yet the most expensive: $59.99 for travel size.
• Panel is shocked at price, notes child-oriented marketing strategy, laugh at capitalism.

11. Donald Trump: Fight, Fight, Fight (Limited Edition 2024) (44:02–47:57)

• First Reactions: “Potent,” “Elks club,” “Vietnam vet,” “earthy and woodsy,” “snake oil or penicillin?”
• Bottle: All black, heavy, “just a sticker slapped on.”
• Price: $216.67 (retail $199)—wildly overpriced, “most embarrassing purchase.”
• Bafflement at it being made in France.
• Math reveals Taylor Swift charges more “per drop” than Trump.

Ranking & Reflections (47:58–50:12)

• Overall Winner: David Beckham (Value + Scent + Packaging).
• Runner Up: Jennifer Lopez—“aspirational” and universally enjoyed.
• Biggest Surprise: Will Levis’ Mayo Perfume (shockingly pleasant).
• Biggest Losers: Cristiano Ronaldo and Taylor Swift, for polarizing, aggressively marketed, unsubtle, or overpriced scents.
• Notable Quote:
  • “I found out today Taylor Swift charges more per drop than 45.” — Katie (48:24)
  • “The big winner, I think, is David Beckham... At that price point, that’s crazy.” — Pablo (49:29)
  • “Don’t lie. Trump got one.” — Lawrence (49:58)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It smells like suppressed emotional accessibility.” — Pablo, on Michael Jordan’s cologne (09:16)
• “Crypto. This smells like crypto. This guy got one of those apes!” — Katie, on Ronaldo's fragrance (22:00)
• “Beckham nailed it... This is a tasteful guy. Cristiano Ronaldo—no taste, gasoline.” — Lawrence (27:33)
• “No business being this good.” — Katie, on Will Levis’ mayonnaise scent (37:56)
• “This is what a celebrity should smell like.” — Pablo, on JLo (34:11)
• “That is fragrance imitating life.” — Pablo, on CR7 (23:42)
• “If you wear this and you’re not 14, you should be arrested.” — Pablo, on Taylor Swift’s Wonderstruck (41:16)
• “200 bucks...the most embarrassing.” — Pablo, on Trump’s “Fight, Fight, Fight” (47:16)

Timestamps of Important Segments

• 03:18 — Begin “trilogy” explanation and previous episodes recap
• 08:57 — Start of blind scent testing (Michael Jordan)
• 13:14 — Chris Paul’s Avon Untouchable
• 16:52 — Britney Spears: Curious
• 21:38 — Cristiano Ronaldo: CR7 Origins
• 24:36 — David Beckham: Instinct
• 29:03 — Tom Brady: Stetson
• 31:28 — Jennifer Lopez: Still
• 34:58 — Will Levis: Hellman's Parfum de Mayonnaise
• 38:28 — Derek Jeter: Driven
• 40:39 — Taylor Swift: Wonderstruck
• 44:02 — Donald Trump: Fight, Fight, Fight
• 47:58 — Rankings, winners, and final reflections

Conclusion

In a creative, candid, and hilarious roundtable episode, Pablo, Katie Nolan, and Lawrence Schlossman sniff out the truth: David Beckham is the MVP of celebrity scents, JLo’s fragrance is elite, and sometimes, even mayo can be elegant. The team roasts overpriced, underwhelming, and aggressively gendered fragrances—saving their harshest words for Ronaldo and Swift, and bewilderment for Trump’s limited edition. Through jokes, pop culture riffs, and surprising insights, the episode is a fun and fragrant guide to which bottles belong in your cart—and which deserve to stay sealed on the bottom shelf.