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Pablo Torre
Okay, so hello, it is me, Pablo, entering, invading even your ears. Because I have done something I have not done before, which is take the advice of someone who once told me that if people wish to support you financially, if they wish to support your journalism, your very strange future of journalism, meaning your newsroom, your ambitions, your desire to investigate things people don't want you to investigate, you should let them. And so I am on Substack my newsletter@www.pablo.show. we'll put a link in the show notes of this episode. I have turned on paid subscriptions and if you didn't know I have a substack, guess what? It's free and that's still there for you. And it's worth it. But the paid subscribers who support this show and us will get legitimately cool personalized benefits to come. We will make it worth your while. We are figuring out here at PTFO our post draftkings future and you know, more good news on that front. I hope to come. But in the meantime, Pablo show is where you sign up. Click the link in the show notes. Help support us please. Thank you, thank you, thank you on that front. And this, this episode today is a handpicked episode from deep inside the PTFO vault that we sincerely hope you enjoy. Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out. I am Pablo Torre and today we're gonna find out what this sound is.
Katie Nolan
It's fruity in the back. You get that? Like Apple.
Lawrence Schlossman
What'd you say?
Katie Nolan
It's fruity in the back.
Pablo Torre
Is that fruity in the back?
Katie Nolan
It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back.
Pablo Torre
Right after this ad.
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Lawrence Schlossman
If you went on a road trip and you didn't stop for a Big Mac or drop a crispy fry between the car seats, or use your McDonald's bag as a placemat, then that wasn't a road trip. It was just a really long drive.
Commercial Voiceover
At participating McDonald's.
Katie Nolan
Now, when we did the drinking based podcast, we had a drinks expert to use smell for a living?
Lawrence Schlossman
No.
Katie Nolan
Okay, well, I don't know about cologne.
Lawrence Schlossman
Well, I know about Jeremy fragrance.
Pablo Torre
That's not true. Lawrence is underselling his credentials.
Lawrence Schlossman
I'm a men's lifestyle expert.
Katie Nolan
That's right. Oh, my God.
Pablo Torre
Are you familiar with men or. Or lifestyle?
Katie Nolan
Both. Vaguely.
Pablo Torre
Yeah.
Katie Nolan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what you're my whole life.
Lawrence Schlossman
Men and lifestyle.
Pablo Torre
Wow.
Lawrence Schlossman
I have a podcast that talks about that kind of stuff.
Pablo Torre
Throwing Fits is one of my favorite non sports podcasts.
Katie Nolan
I feel like I've heard of this podcast, but a nice little meme account on Instagram for me is it. It's not a girl.
Lawrence Schlossman
There's like we have a 1% women listenership, so.
Katie Nolan
Yeah, I mean, I mean, same working at sports.
Pablo Torre
Congrats on your podcast announcements.
Katie Nolan
Thank you. Oh, you mean the number five podcast on the sports apple chart? It's just because it's based on new subscribers. We don't even have an episode.
Pablo Torre
Doesn't matter.
Katie Nolan
Don't even have an episode yet.
Pablo Torre
Are we rolling on the various.
Katie Nolan
One last thing before we start, you guys. The Invisalign's done.
Pablo Torre
Oh, my God, look at that. Katie's hot now. Katie's hot now.
Katie Nolan
I am now unapproachable. Please don't approach me. I'm too hot to talk to you.
Pablo Torre
This is the third episode in a trilogy that I want to catch Lawrence up on.
Lawrence Schlossman
Please do.
Pablo Torre
Katie and I have tested athlete alcohol and we declared. What sucked in your memory?
Katie Nolan
Oh, I think leave. It was.
Pablo Torre
Oh, Michael Jordan's. Michael Jordan was terrible.
Katie Nolan
So bad.
Lawrence Schlossman
Did you have the LeBron Henny?
Katie Nolan
No, we had LeBron Tequila.
Pablo Torre
The Lobos. Right. We were eventually very, very drunk.
Katie Nolan
We got pretty drunk. Yeah. Yeah. Charles Woodson's. We didn't like.
Pablo Torre
It was basically as much athlete alcohol as we could get.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
C.J. mcCollum's wine was pretty good.
Katie Nolan
Yeah, I think it was. I think vaguely that I remember that it was. I don't. It was one of the first things we drank, so.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, really? Yeah. So we have to go to the tape.
Katie Nolan
It feels like it's in enveloping my tongue. Does that make sense?
Pablo Torre
It is.
Katie Nolan
I feel it on, like, all sides of my tongue. This is good stuff.
Pablo Torre
Relatedly, Katie Nolan hasn't dumped any of the wine that she's been tasting. She's not a.
Katie Nolan
When I puked it all up, I didn't even taste that.
Pablo Torre
Yep, yep, yep, yep. That was part one.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
Part two was athlete weed.
Katie Nolan
Right. With my fiance, Dan Soder, who Is a weed expert.
Pablo Torre
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
Very funny, man.
Katie Nolan
Are we? Thank you. I'll let him know. And thank you. I made him this way.
Pablo Torre
Thank you for bringing all this. Great.
Katie Nolan
How much of it stays, would you say? Because you don't want to get caught carrying this much, you could get in some real trouble.
Pablo Torre
Typical dealer comes over, smokes some of it, eats some of your food, plays your video.
Katie Nolan
Records everything you do and publishes as a podcast.
Lawrence Schlossman
Guy's probably wearing a wire.
Pablo Torre
Gary Payton.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. Was the best. Which we. I mean, that we knew.
Lawrence Schlossman
Smoking that glove pack, dude.
Pablo Torre
And Dan. Cannot smell.
Katie Nolan
Has no sense of smell. Was very upset today when I was leaving.
Pablo Torre
Physically cannot smell.
Katie Nolan
I told Pablo, I said hi. Covid knocked it out completely, so now it's, like, gone. But he also insists his taste is untouched. And I'm like, how does that work? Not possible.
Lawrence Schlossman
Right?
Katie Nolan
What I know is that I trust his agency on his own senses. And he tells me he can't smell, so he's not here today.
Pablo Torre
Useless. And so I was like, who in the world can fill this third chair? And I said, okay. Who hosts a show that I love and thank you. Check, check. Who was able to convince me using the word master perfumer.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, yeah.
Pablo Torre
That he has some knowledge of cologne.
Lawrence Schlossman
Perfumier. I don't even.
Pablo Torre
You did say that in the kitchen.
Katie Nolan
Is that a word? Perfumier?
Pablo Torre
I don't know. He's referencing a guy. What was the guy?
Katie Nolan
You do know.
Lawrence Schlossman
His name is Rodrigo. I don't know his last name.
Pablo Torre
Met a perfumier named Rodrigo. And I was like, that's plenty.
Katie Nolan
What else could a man named Rodrigo do for a living?
Lawrence Schlossman
That's the nose. Nose.
Katie Nolan
Gotta smell.
Pablo Torre
I believe you also said, quote in a text, I know what I like and have gotten a lot of expensive for free.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yes.
Katie Nolan
Okay.
Lawrence Schlossman
That is a fact. 100%.
Katie Nolan
All right.
Pablo Torre
Katie, what do you know about cologne?
Katie Nolan
Nothing. Yeah, don't wear it. I don't wear perfume. I guess girl cologne.
Lawrence Schlossman
Cologne for girls.
Katie Nolan
But then again, like, I get. I'm. I. The man. The object of my affection can't smell. So what am I wasting my time smelling all nice for?
Pablo Torre
Just farting with impunity.
Katie Nolan
Yeah, exactly. But I think I, like, know if I like the way something smells.
Pablo Torre
Yeah.
Katie Nolan
Not afraid to say it.
Pablo Torre
So we have in this corner of the room, 11 different. 11 athlete/celebrity colognes slash perfumes. They've created a whole system. We're going to blind smell this.
Katie Nolan
Okay. Can we not call it fragrance?
Pablo Torre
Fragrances is what I'm Being told in my ear by Rob, who collected all of this stuff. That's a Denigra.
Katie Nolan
Are we doing it like. Like they do at a counter where they spray it on a little thing and then they waft it in front of your nose?
Pablo Torre
You will see. We have. We have testers pre sprayed.
Katie Nolan
Great.
Pablo Torre
Each individually bagged. And we have reveals in which we will find out what it was. Some notes, literal and figurative.
Katie Nolan
The notes of plastic.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah. I wonder if this is how. Like, this is not an official method.
Katie Nolan
Doesn't feel it.
Pablo Torre
Okay, I'm being told to defend the method. There's a whole method.
Lawrence Schlossman
Sorry, boys.
Pablo Torre
Long before the athlete weird strain and celebrity tequila brands, famous people were selling vanity fragrances. And so I figured with about a month before Valentine's Day, that we might do everybody out there a service. So if you're listening to this instead of watching it on YouTube, what you should know about our method here is that Katie Nolan, Laurence Schlossman, and I are going into this whole exercise completely, completely blind. That means we're gonna start by taking these pre sprayed paper strips of the vanity fragrance in question out of a Ziploc bag, at which point we will give our unbiased review of it using only our sense of smell. And we're not gonna find out which celebrity it even is until the end of that segment when we open a sealed paper bag to reveal the bottle our producers bought for us inside. But if you are in fact watching this on YouTube or the DraftKings Network, our producers are also going to try something a little bit different for you, because they are going to show you the celebrity behind each fragrance early and completely silently, just on screen while we're doing our smell test so you can know and see how powerful or not our noses are before we do. This is apparently the experience our producers had while watching us tape this episode. And this episode, by the way, will keep escalating as we get deeper and deeper into this list of 11 mystery fragrances about which we know absolutely nothing. And that is for better and also spoiler alert, for worse. We begin with fragrance number one.
Katie Nolan
Oh, this smells like my dad 30 years.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is bright.
Katie Nolan
Sorry, Bright.
Pablo Torre
Okay, meaning it, like, perks you up. Almost.
Lawrence Schlossman
No, just fresh bright.
Katie Nolan
Smells like dad. It smells like aftershave. Dad.
Pablo Torre
It smells like a bunch of dads rolling around in a field.
Katie Nolan
This smells like dad camp.
Lawrence Schlossman
Get a little barbershop.
Katie Nolan
Okay.
Pablo Torre
Smells like suppressed emotional accessibility, but it.
Lawrence Schlossman
Does unrequited love and affection.
Pablo Torre
But there is, like an after shave.
Katie Nolan
Aspect to this this smells like a. Like a family function that I have to go to and give a lot of hugs at when I'm.
Lawrence Schlossman
Hugs with men.
Katie Nolan
Yes.
Pablo Torre
Does it smell expensive to you?
Lawrence Schlossman
Honestly? Kind of. A little bit.
Katie Nolan
A little. Because it has this, like. Here we go.
Lawrence Schlossman
New money, new money.
Katie Nolan
It has this, like, depth in the back end of it.
Pablo Torre
Oh, wow.
Katie Nolan
It, like, dips down in a way that you're like, oh, there's.
Pablo Torre
It's dipping.
Katie Nolan
There's more to this. Yeah, there's more to this than meets the eye, nose, ear, or throat. Yeah, that's nice. It's nice.
Pablo Torre
I came in expecting, like, I'm gonna all over this. And then I'm like, ah, this feels like kind of like the man that I once imagined I would be one day. Is it time to reveal.
Katie Nolan
Should we put these back in the.
Lawrence Schlossman
One bag, lock them up, or do.
Katie Nolan
We need to keep them for context?
Pablo Torre
Yeah, put them in the bag so that we can isolate and we can.
Katie Nolan
Never go back and smell it.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, let's get some ASMR there. Pablo.
Katie Nolan
It's like lunch.
Pablo Torre
This is. And I don't know the answer to this either until right now. Michael Jordan's cologne did not.
Lawrence Schlossman
Dead dad.
Katie Nolan
Did you say it smelled like.
Lawrence Schlossman
No, we were talking about, like, male relatives. I said unrequited love and affection.
Katie Nolan
Oh, wow.
Pablo Torre
I mean, murdered father.
Katie Nolan
Yes.
Pablo Torre
Right?
Katie Nolan
Smells like longing.
Pablo Torre
Hold on, listen.
Lawrence Schlossman
Guy sucks at tequila, but look at this packaging here.
Pablo Torre
Look at this. Yeah, hold that. Describe it for the audience.
Lawrence Schlossman
There's a debossed basketball in the glass.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. That you could put your thumb in. That's actually quite nice. I would definitely be holding it that way while spraying.
Pablo Torre
Has a flask aspect.
Lawrence Schlossman
This might pair well with, like, cigar smoke and beer pong and rumors taking things personally.
Pablo Torre
Gambling debt.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
Michael Jordan by Michael Jordan is an aromatic fragrance for men. So we nailed that. The nose behind this Fragrance is Steve DeMarcado. That, I believe is a term of art for the. The nose for the perfumier. Top notes are cypress, grapefruit, lemon, cognac, geranium, cedar needles, Brazilian rosewood.
Katie Nolan
That's fun to say.
Pablo Torre
Middle notes, fir, juniper berries, fur. Lavender.
Lawrence Schlossman
No, I literally my mind pelt, incense.
Pablo Torre
Green tea, clary, sage, and cloves. Base notes are sandalwood, musk, and patchouli.
Katie Nolan
That's all I smell. I'm learning. All I get are the bass notes because the musk.
Lawrence Schlossman
I got some of that bright up top, though. I can see that that's citrus. I know no one said that, but I kind Of.
Katie Nolan
I think he did. Did you describe what top, middle and absolutely not were.
Pablo Torre
But I will describe that for you now.
Katie Nolan
Thanks.
Pablo Torre
Because a top note, according to the increasingly terrible AI overview on Google is.
Katie Nolan
When you eat rocks.
Lawrence Schlossman
I love that. I'm so lazy. I love that AI overview so much.
Pablo Torre
It's not so much worse.
Lawrence Schlossman
Nothing I say is right. Anyway.
Pablo Torre
Top notes. The first scents you smell when you apply a fragrance. Also known as head notes or opening notes. They're the most volatile of the three fragrance notes and are made up of small light molecules that evaporate quickly. Top notes, usually composed of citrus and fruity ingredients, but can also include fresh herbs.
Lawrence Schlossman
Some light top.
Pablo Torre
That is a fragrance that costs. What do you think?
Lawrence Schlossman
$55.
Katie Nolan
50 over.
Pablo Torre
Under it's 21.3.
Lawrence Schlossman
What a deal.
Katie Nolan
So cheap.
Pablo Torre
It smells the greatest athlete of all time.
Katie Nolan
Good. I don't. That smelled awful.
Lawrence Schlossman
Honestly though, once you know it's a 20 cologne, it smells like.
Katie Nolan
Smells like.
Pablo Torre
Does the silhouette of his bald head. Unmistakably his bald head.
Katie Nolan
Of course.
Pablo Torre
Embossed and also like some red foil. Does that do anything for you?
Lawrence Schlossman
That's cheap. That's like you buy this at a grocery store.
Katie Nolan
It sounded cheap.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is a Kroger's cologne.
Katie Nolan
Damn.
Pablo Torre
Now I'm told that between these scents, we should be smelling coffee. Palate cleansing by sniffing some coffee or your elbow.
Katie Nolan
Is this like Maxwell House and we.
Lawrence Schlossman
Confirmed that this is an old wives tale.
Pablo Torre
Right. I'm being told to remind you guys that we have no idea if this actually works. They also advise you to smell yourself.
Katie Nolan
Is that what you were doing just then? I thought you were like sneezing in a weird way.
Pablo Torre
They say smell your own elbow. Number two.
Katie Nolan
Yeah, Number two. Oh, this one smells very different.
Lawrence Schlossman
Is this sprayed one second ago?
Pablo Torre
These are sprayed two hours ago. For the record, it's very sweet. By our lab full of scientists.
Lawrence Schlossman
Aquatic. Definitely sweeter. Katie's right.
Pablo Torre
Yeah.
Katie Nolan
So it might be. Does that mean it's perfume?
Lawrence Schlossman
Do you think maybe this. This is striking me as much more feminine?
Pablo Torre
Yes.
Lawrence Schlossman
Then MJ's musk.
Pablo Torre
Right, right, right.
Lawrence Schlossman
You wear this to your quinceanera. This is. That's what I'm getting. 100. This is a sweet treat.
Katie Nolan
This is like I'm reading Red Book magazine and one of the pages is stuck together because of a perfume ad. And I. I peel it off and it rips it open and I'm like, yeah.
Pablo Torre
This is like a magazine where the pages are stuck together for different reasons.
Katie Nolan
Okay. All right.
Lawrence Schlossman
Pablo, shout Out Victoria's Secret.
Katie Nolan
It almost smells like a perfume that is by a celebrity that I know of, but I don't think it's that.
Lawrence Schlossman
Like a Jessica Simpson. Walmart.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
Sweet.
Katie Nolan
I said sweet.
Lawrence Schlossman
You said sweet.
Katie Nolan
You just said it loud.
Pablo Torre
There aren't a lot of bass notes to this is what I would say. This is like the antithesis of patchouli. This is not a barber shop. This is.
Katie Nolan
It's florally, but, like, not really. It's, like, lightly. It's almost like a guard gardenia.
Pablo Torre
Like sophomore semi formal. Like, this is the scent that sticks in my mind years later when I'm trying to remember in my personal memory bank.
Lawrence Schlossman
Sense memory.
Pablo Torre
That's right.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is feminine. This is distinctly feminine, whereas I felt the first was distinctly masculine.
Katie Nolan
I agree.
Lawrence Schlossman
All right, so I think we're on the same page. There's a perfume.
Pablo Torre
So let's. Let's find out.
Lawrence Schlossman
All right, this should be interesting. We're judging a cologne by its cover.
Pablo Torre
Whoa. Ooh.
Katie Nolan
Excuse me.
Pablo Torre
A boys. There are no words on this. Can you describe this, Katie?
Katie Nolan
This might be for boys.
Lawrence Schlossman
It's green.
Katie Nolan
This is Seahawks perfume. The color of the liquid is green. Unless that's the glass. Nope, it's the liquid. It is Mountain Dew colored. And the.
Pablo Torre
It is ecto cooler.
Katie Nolan
That's right.
Lawrence Schlossman
It looks delicious.
Katie Nolan
This is for boys.
Pablo Torre
A product known as Avon Untouchable.
Katie Nolan
Okay.
Pablo Torre
By Chris Paul. Wow. I do regret my previous description. How much do you think this costs?
Lawrence Schlossman
Why is there no branding?
Pablo Torre
There's good.
Katie Nolan
Also good question.
Lawrence Schlossman
Did this drop when he was on the Pelicans? What is happening here?
Pablo Torre
Right?
Katie Nolan
It's so crooked, too. It's like every part of it is.
Lawrence Schlossman
It doesn't sit right.
Katie Nolan
It sits. And then also this. So it's like, if you're going to do that, then at least make that flush with the. I don't know, man. I hate it. $12.
Lawrence Schlossman
Okay, what did you guys pay? You guys paid 15? 37, probably 70.
Pablo Torre
We paid 28.99. Okay. Wow.
Katie Nolan
And you got fleeced.
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Pablo Torre
If you're looking to add something special to your next celebration, try Rammy Martin 1738 Accord Royale. This smooth, flavorful cognac is crafted from the finest grapes and aged to perfection, giving you rich notes of oak and caramel with every sip. Whether you're celebrating a big win or simply enjoying some cocktails with family and friends, Remy Martin 1738 is the perfect spirit to elevate any occasion. So go ahead, treat yourself to a little luxury and try Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale. Learn more at remymartin.com Remy Martin Cognac Fiend Champagne 14 alcohol by volume. Imported by Remy Contro USA Incorporated, New York, NY. 1738 Centaur Design. Please drink responsibly.
Katie Nolan
All right gals, here we go. These are wet. These are all wet. I don't know where to touch these because they're all wet. Ooh, ooh, that's. Now that's different.
Pablo Torre
This is very different.
Katie Nolan
This is very different.
Pablo Torre
We are redefining the spectrum of femininity.
Katie Nolan
I dare say that is a scented marker from, from. From like elementary school.
Lawrence Schlossman
Get high off the you get too.
Katie Nolan
Close to the blue or purple marker.
Pablo Torre
I'm going to briefly huff the Ziploc bag as you would with.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah, I got to be careful. I got an addictive personality.
Pablo Torre
Guys, Lawrence is going to take these Ziploc bag next week.
Katie Nolan
You're just on galaxy color marker.
Lawrence Schlossman
I love that cuz I'm getting like.
Katie Nolan
It'S I think it's like the. Almost like maybe the bright. Remember the brown one was always like, what is this?
Lawrence Schlossman
I'm not like a fan.
Katie Nolan
Could you picture it on someone? Because to me, even though it's making me think of a marker, if I'm picturing it on someone, it's a very older great aunt. A very older woman.
Pablo Torre
The person who wears this fragrance has.
Lawrence Schlossman
A padded toilet seat and a small dog.
Katie Nolan
I love a padded toilet seat. I hate, like, not to have. And obviously the bacteria of it. But remember how nice it was when.
Pablo Torre
You would know it's the worst. It's like into a pillow.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. Which kind of nice.
Pablo Torre
Not here to yuck your yummy.
Katie Nolan
If this is a cologne, I'll eat my hat.
Pablo Torre
I am getting the sense, though, why people are into Galaxy Gas, though, which I have discovered is a thing among kids and possibly adults.
Lawrence Schlossman
I've heard it's good.
Pablo Torre
Allegedly.
Katie Nolan
Don't use it. It puts holes in your brain. Okay, you're done.
Lawrence Schlossman
To whip it.
Katie Nolan
No. Because it puts holes in your brain.
Pablo Torre
But remember, remember when we visited. We can bleep this institution out.
Katie Nolan
Yes, yes. And I visited a pillow and a.
Pablo Torre
Billion carton shell casings.
Katie Nolan
Little shell casings of. Of little CO2 cartons.
Pablo Torre
Katie and I went. Someone else brought us to this. Mina Mina at.
Katie Nolan
There you go.
Pablo Torre
And the floor was like a shooting range where they were just like, hell yeah. Gatling gunning.
Katie Nolan
I was like, you're our future. You're our brightest. You're our best and our brightest.
Lawrence Schlossman
So this is galaxy gas for your great aunt, which you probably prescribed already.
Katie Nolan
Like, do not like. Back in the bag it goes.
Lawrence Schlossman
Let's go.
Pablo Torre
If someone is wearing this. I am. I am not into that. All right, let's see what it is. Katie Nolan.
Katie Nolan
No, it's not Britney Spears. No, it's not Britney Spears. That's not curious. I've worn curious.
Lawrence Schlossman
You thought?
Katie Nolan
I thought. Why is it in the full box, you guys? No. Am I thinking of a different Britney Spears fragrance?
Lawrence Schlossman
So how many are there?
Pablo Torre
There are two different types of Britney Spears fragrances. Curious and Curious love.
Katie Nolan
Whoa, wait. Is the curious love in a pink round bottle with little green dots on it?
Pablo Torre
It is.
Katie Nolan
That's the one. I.
Lawrence Schlossman
So they're both inquisitive fragrances, but one is romance driven. This is the world.
Pablo Torre
I love that Katie wore a version of this perfume.
Katie Nolan
I loved Britney Spears.
Pablo Torre
I love Britney Spears the Curious Woman. And this is capital C. The curious woman is romantic. Check. Independent. Check. Mischievous.
Katie Nolan
You talk about me?
Pablo Torre
Katie Doll. A romantic, romantic, independent and miss. And mischievous.
Katie Nolan
Okay.
Pablo Torre
One who's not afraid of risk.
Katie Nolan
This is such a small bottle. Like, you're getting so little actual product.
Lawrence Schlossman
I wonder what the price then the damage on this for getting so little.
Katie Nolan
Seemingly I would say this is 40. 40 bucks.
Lawrence Schlossman
Best bottle though.
Katie Nolan
35 bucks.
Pablo Torre
Grab the bottle, please.
Katie Nolan
A genie bottle, but it's which, you know, Christina, but it's very like angular on the ends. It's like almost like a clamshell. It's blue.
Pablo Torre
Like 30. 30 milliliters.
Katie Nolan
30 milliliters. Tiny little guy.
Lawrence Schlossman
Like a diamond maybe.
Katie Nolan
It kind of does look like a cartoon diamond.
Lawrence Schlossman
All right, well, this is definitely a Walmart thing. So I'm gonna go 15.
Katie Nolan
Definitely a Walmart thing. What do you mean by that?
Lawrence Schlossman
Because Britney Spears has to deal with Walmart.
Pablo Torre
Launch in 04 became an instant hit with the public. Composition is based on the notes of white flowers surrounded with vanilla and musk nuances. It opens with fresh lotus, mouth watering pear and magnolia. The intensive floral heart.
Katie Nolan
Pear is there for sure.
Pablo Torre
The intensive floral heart, like me, is composed of tuberose, tuberos, jasmine, and pink cyclamen. Cyclamen.
Katie Nolan
Those are my three favorite Disney princesses.
Pablo Torre
That's what the. The wise men brought in. Britney Spears.
Katie Nolan
Yes. Frankincense and pink psilocybin.
Pablo Torre
The sensual base is composed of musk, vanilla, and precious woods.
Lawrence Schlossman
Sensual base.
Pablo Torre
Precious woods.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. That's a lot, Brit.
Pablo Torre
It is the kind of scent that makes your parents want to control your finances.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, I was going to say get divorced.
Pablo Torre
Katie Lawrence at $15.
Katie Nolan
I'm going to say 30. $30.
Pablo Torre
Britney Spears. Curious.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
$16.74. Wow.
Katie Nolan
Wow.
Pablo Torre
This man knows what real America wants to smell.
Katie Nolan
Finger on the scent. Pulse.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah, D. I know. They want lotus flower for 16 bones.
Pablo Torre
Precious wood number four.
Katie Nolan
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow. You guys spray these. Put them right in the bag.
Lawrence Schlossman
Holy.
Katie Nolan
Oh, my God.
Pablo Torre
Whoa.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yo, dude, you are waiting online to get in the club. This is.
Katie Nolan
Oh, my God. You are talking to me about something I don't care about.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is gasoline.
Katie Nolan
Oh, my God. You won't shut up.
Pablo Torre
I just got roofied by this fragrance.
Katie Nolan
Oh, my God. Crypto. This smells like crypto. Oh, my God. It's tough to put near your nose.
Lawrence Schlossman
He still owns NFTs. This is so bad.
Katie Nolan
This guy had got one of those. Those apes.
Pablo Torre
This fragrance owns multiple board apes. Says diamond hands unironically.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is. This is a rough one.
Katie Nolan
It's really alcoholy.
Lawrence Schlossman
I might have to tap out. That's really, really heinous. That's not good.
Pablo Torre
Yeah. You hate to see this fragrance at a college reunion.
Lawrence Schlossman
It's just too much.
Katie Nolan
It's too much. It's.
Pablo Torre
I want to say European, but that might be too derogatory.
Katie Nolan
It's a coked up business pitch. It's a like, dude, I think. I mean, I think we should talk about investments.
Pablo Torre
I cannot wait to find out what this is.
Katie Nolan
I know. I hope it's like, oh, I just hope it's an athlete I don't like.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yes. Yes. CR7, dude. Yes.
Pablo Torre
Ronaldo popping out of this paper bag could not have been more perfect.
Lawrence Schlossman
You're missing the operative word. Origins.
Pablo Torre
Origins.
Lawrence Schlossman
Holy.
Pablo Torre
He's described with the packaging. This is like.
Katie Nolan
I'm so happy right now.
Lawrence Schlossman
You would think that he would just go shirtless, right? But he's wearing a shirt completely unbuttoned with the kind of come hither look that an absolute moron is going to snatch right off the shelf. This is. Look at that expression at the top.
Katie Nolan
Where you push, where you inflict damage upon. It says CR7, but it kind of looks like it says cry, and I love that. Oh, my God. That's rude, dude.
Lawrence Schlossman
That is fragrance imitating life.
Pablo Torre
This is a new fragrance. CR7 Origins was launched in 2022. Top notes are bay leaf, mandarin orange.
Katie Nolan
Bay leaf? What is this, a soup?
Lawrence Schlossman
Send this Perfumier. The Hague. Dude, this is terrible.
Pablo Torre
Middle notes are clary, sage, lavender, and geranium. Base notes are patchouli and ass dog.
Katie Nolan
And cheeks. Spread cheeks. How much?
Pablo Torre
What are you guys saying?
Katie Nolan
I said 50.
Pablo Torre
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
$68.
Pablo Torre
25.
Katie Nolan
Thank God, thank God, thank God. Okay, Cristiano, you win this time. Oh, get it out.
Pablo Torre
Oh, no. Oh, my God.
Katie Nolan
Oh, my God.
Pablo Torre
Where's the bag? Where's the bag? I don't know.
Lawrence Schlossman
We have a breach.
Katie Nolan
It breached.
Lawrence Schlossman
How do you get it off our fingers?
Katie Nolan
Oh, my God. It is on my fingers.
Lawrence Schlossman
It lingers.
Katie Nolan
Oh, don't smell my finger.
Pablo Torre
Number five.
Katie Nolan
Oh, it's cinnamon. Oh, it's spice.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh.
Katie Nolan
Oh, it's all spice. It's Old spice. It's.
Pablo Torre
It's pungent.
Katie Nolan
5. Spice.
Lawrence Schlossman
It is like in your spice cabinet or rack where all the spices have been. And they all kind of voltron to be. You know, it's like every. All spices.
Pablo Torre
Yeah. This is the bottom of your grinder. If you smoked spices. Oh, it's settling in. At a certain point, the spiciness begins to wear a suit.
Lawrence Schlossman
I'm kind of with it now.
Katie Nolan
Okay. But then on the back it's like sweet and. And almost floral in the back. It's like.
Pablo Torre
Yeah, this back. There's a lot going on.
Lawrence Schlossman
Baby got settles in tenderly.
Pablo Torre
Yes.
Katie Nolan
Yes. It holds you nicely.
Pablo Torre
We've been on a run of three straight ass fragrances.
Katie Nolan
This is growing nice. This smells expensive.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
This feels like a chance that you're taking. You're going out and you're like, I'm gonna try to be this guy. And I'm kind of intrigued by what this guy's life is like.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah. Maybe some type of performative accessory. You know, a new hat.
Katie Nolan
Try a hat. But you might take it off halfway through because you're crushing. This is crushed under the weight of it.
Pablo Torre
This is the new hat.
Lawrence Schlossman
Ordering a drink that you never order because you're like, this kind of feels right tonight.
Pablo Torre
This is Cristiano Ronaldo's friend. Who in comparison.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh.
Pablo Torre
Is the guy you want to spend the. Your. Your night out with. This is Cristiano Ronaldo with his shirt buttoned up.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
Just nor just being normal.
Katie Nolan
I think I quite like it. I reserve the right to say I hate it once I see whose it is.
Pablo Torre
Very good. Let's find out.
Katie Nolan
I'll put it in the bag because we cannot have another.
Lawrence Schlossman
It's Robert Downey Jr. As Sherlock Holmes in the Guy Ritchie movies.
Katie Nolan
I do think that's nice, guys.
Lawrence Schlossman
Let's go.
Katie Nolan
What is it?
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah. David Beckham.
Katie Nolan
You set the up.
Pablo Torre
We nailed it.
Katie Nolan
I think so too.
Pablo Torre
Nailed it.
Lawrence Schlossman
You know? No, David Beckham nailed it.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. That's a really good fragrance, David. I quite like that.
Pablo Torre
Instinct.
Katie Nolan
Spice. What did we. The first thing I said when I smelled it a bunch. Spice.
Pablo Torre
Rewind the tape.
Katie Nolan
Posh spice. I said, wow, this is Posh spice.
Lawrence Schlossman
And it is a posh smelling.
Katie Nolan
Oh, my God, I do love this. Should we take a look at the bottle?
Pablo Torre
Are you really good at this?
Katie Nolan
You think we should do this for our living? I'm canceling my podcast and I'm starting. I mean, that just looks like cologne, right? That looks like a bottle of cologne.
Pablo Torre
But even the box. A classy box.
Katie Nolan
Classy box. As the posh box.
Pablo Torre
As many are saying.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is like his version of Tom Ford cologne branding. Almost like.
Katie Nolan
Exactly. Oh, this is even nicer in the bottle, if I may say.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, yeah.
Pablo Torre
Notes. We're back to the vetiver. Bergamot or bergamot.
Katie Nolan
I think it's bergamot, but don't quote me.
Pablo Torre
Which is like a yellow fruit. An orange. Some are saying Amandarin. Orange is another one. Star Anise pimento.
Katie Nolan
Okay.
Pablo Torre
Patchouli.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
Cardamom.
Katie Nolan
Cardamom.
Pablo Torre
White amber.
Lawrence Schlossman
I think we're missing the biggest thing. The juxtaposition between David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo comes down to having taste or no taste. This is a tasteful guy.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
It's a tasteful fragrance.
Pablo Torre
True.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
Cristiano Ronaldo, no taste. Gasoline.
Pablo Torre
The scene in the. In the David Beckham doc, which I did not watch all of, but just have seen that the car. Yeah, exactly.
Katie Nolan
We're very working, working class.
Pablo Torre
Be honest.
Katie Nolan
I. I am being honest. I am being honest.
Pablo Torre
What color did your dad drive you to school in?
Katie Nolan
So, my dad. No one answer my dad. All right. It's not a simple answer because.
Pablo Torre
Did you get your dad to drop it?
Katie Nolan
Depends.
Pablo Torre
No, no, no, no, no.
Katie Nolan
Okay. In the 80s, my dad had a Rolls Royce. Thank you.
Pablo Torre
So on that note, what do you think this runs? Yeah.
Katie Nolan
Next floral note, I'm going to say this is a six sixty to dollar seventy bottle of purple.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah. I'm thinking 75, guys.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
This is $19.25.
Katie Nolan
Come on, go buy it.
Lawrence Schlossman
The best 19 you've ever.
Katie Nolan
Right now. Are we way wrong? Is this.
Lawrence Schlossman
That's a deal.
Pablo Torre
It's a deal.
Katie Nolan
Super. Is that a bad.
Lawrence Schlossman
It's a good fragrance. That's legit.
Pablo Torre
This is currently the 12 hours leader.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, without it, there's not even close to.
Pablo Torre
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. With the price of just about everything going up, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing.
Lawrence Schlossman
Mint Mobile unlimited premium wireless.
Pablo Torre
30. 30.
Lawrence Schlossman
Better get 30. Better to get 20. 20, 20. Better get 20. 20. Better get 15.
Pablo Torre
15.
Lawrence Schlossman
15, 15. Just 15 bucks a month.
Pablo Torre
Sold. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment.
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Pablo Torre
Number six. Oh, yowza.
Lawrence Schlossman
All right. This needs to breathe.
Katie Nolan
This is wet.
Pablo Torre
This is very wet.
Lawrence Schlossman
Wetter than Bex. Got you.
Katie Nolan
Oh, boy. This is something else.
Pablo Torre
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Katie Nolan
That's cinnamon. That's.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, I hate this.
Katie Nolan
That's heavy musk. That is Elon.
Pablo Torre
As my reaction to smelling. This is like a meerkat popping out of a burrow. And I'm deciding whether to pop back down. And I think I'm. I think I'm back in the burrow.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is dirty.
Katie Nolan
Sometimes you gotta pop out and smell fragrances.
Lawrence Schlossman
It's a little filthy.
Katie Nolan
Okay, that is really not getting less strong.
Pablo Torre
This is a turn for the worse.
Lawrence Schlossman
It's becoming more.
Katie Nolan
It smells like a woman wearing a suit for the first time. It feels like the first time a lady ever was like, women can wear suits as well. That woman wore this perfume.
Lawrence Schlossman
Smells like shoulder pads, right?
Pablo Torre
It smells like a shoulder pad.
Katie Nolan
A big gold button.
Pablo Torre
This smells like she can have it all.
Katie Nolan
She can. Let's see it.
Lawrence Schlossman
If it's for a man, I'll be. I'll be surprised.
Katie Nolan
Gob smacked.
Pablo Torre
This is a big package.
Katie Nolan
Okay, no gob. Smack.
Lawrence Schlossman
Brady.
Pablo Torre
Oh, my God.
Katie Nolan
Tom Brady. I thought it was Chris Brown. I don't. My glasses on.
Lawrence Schlossman
You thought. How light skinned is Chris Brown?
Katie Nolan
No, Chris Pratt. I don't think. I don't say that person's name.
Pablo Torre
Tom Brady.
Katie Nolan
First of all, Stetson.
Lawrence Schlossman
So collab with the hat company.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
Damn.
Lawrence Schlossman
You got your cologne at the hat.
Katie Nolan
Where my friend went to college. Stetson.
Pablo Torre
Oh, to.
Katie Nolan
To learn how to make her original Stetson. The legendary fragrance of the American West. A rich, masculine blend.
Pablo Torre
No rugged woods, spice.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is a Ms. Baby.
Katie Nolan
Baby, baby.
Pablo Torre
No incomplete base notes. Sandalwood, musk, vanilla honey. Tonka Bean.
Katie Nolan
Tonka Bean.
Lawrence Schlossman
What's that?
Pablo Torre
Tonka trucks also make beans. Much like Stetson also wears.
Katie Nolan
At Taco Tonka Bell.
Pablo Torre
That's right. What do you think it costs?
Katie Nolan
$12.99.
Lawrence Schlossman
55.
Pablo Torre
$30.47. This is the most expensive cologne so far.
Katie Nolan
Really?
Pablo Torre
Correct. We've done a lot of patriarchal scouting of these fragrances. This.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is the first lady.
Pablo Torre
This. This is a lady that we should Respect.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is Dr. Jill Biden. God rest her soul.
Katie Nolan
What?
Pablo Torre
Dr. Jill still with us.
Lawrence Schlossman
Imagine you found out that's how she died, though, right? Now that'd be hilarious.
Katie Nolan
Not Dr. Jill. Really?
Lawrence Schlossman
This is soft and delicate.
Pablo Torre
And I would like my laundry to kind of smell like this, you know?
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
Or my bed sheets, you know?
Pablo Torre
Yes.
Katie Nolan
Wow. Sexist again.
Pablo Torre
I want this to make me a delicious sandwich.
Katie Nolan
I want this to cook for me.
Lawrence Schlossman
I guess I can still be sexist even though I'm married, but bear my children.
Pablo Torre
There's a subtlety here.
Katie Nolan
This smells like how I remember that Britney Spears perfume smelling.
Lawrence Schlossman
Is this the romance version?
Katie Nolan
I don't think they would do both.
Pablo Torre
I don't.
Lawrence Schlossman
These diabolical monsters.
Pablo Torre
Yeah.
Katie Nolan
Fruity in the back. You get that? Like apple.
Lawrence Schlossman
What'd you say?
Katie Nolan
It's fruity in the back.
Pablo Torre
Fruity in the back, it is.
Katie Nolan
Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back.
Lawrence Schlossman
I like this.
Pablo Torre
I like this.
Ad Voiceover
I like this.
Pablo Torre
I like this.
Katie Nolan
All right, guys, marry it. Why don't you? Jesus, Simps.
Lawrence Schlossman
All right. This is for sure perfume.
Katie Nolan
It's not gonna sleep with you. Sorry. I'm just being people on the Internet. When you're nice to a lady, hope she sees this, bro. Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
You can't just be polite. I mean, they're still correct probably, but.
Katie Nolan
Yeah, this is nice.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
This is a winner.
Katie Nolan
It's like, classy, it's light, it's.
Pablo Torre
But also feminine enough to satisfy again, my most aspirational alpha desires.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. Okay. Because I look at Pablo. Alpha. How alpha?
Lawrence Schlossman
I like it. I like it a lot.
Katie Nolan
Pablo's mad. I can't make eye contact with Pablo while he's. Everybody making me very uncomfortable.
Pablo Torre
Look at me. No, it's nice.
Katie Nolan
It's. It's light, it's floral, it's fruity. Yes.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is wonderful.
Katie Nolan
It's like almost like a peach. Or like a.
Pablo Torre
This is like the drink you order at dinner and your friends are, like, beginning to make fun of you. And then you're like, try it.
Katie Nolan
They're like, is this. Is that elderflower in there? And you're like, just take a sip.
Pablo Torre
Bet you regret making fun of me now.
Lawrence Schlossman
Soft.
Pablo Torre
Let's see what number seven is.
Katie Nolan
Soft. Soft as baby. Wow. Jennifer Lo. This is me now.
Pablo Torre
This is us now.
Katie Nolan
Still.
Pablo Torre
She did it again.
Lawrence Schlossman
Did it again.
Pablo Torre
That JLo, she is still.
Katie Nolan
She do what?
Pablo Torre
Can't she be still the block? Katie and I have made fun of JLO in the past. I apologize.
Katie Nolan
She popped out recently. I want to say it was something political in a brown outfit that my jaw was on the floor.
Pablo Torre
This is what a celebrity smells like.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
It's called still.
Lawrence Schlossman
That's good.
Katie Nolan
That's nice.
Pablo Torre
Contemplating making this her daily drive.
Katie Nolan
17.99. My daily driver. My Adam driver. 17.99.
Lawrence Schlossman
I bet it. Because I guarantee you she's moving bricks of this.
Pablo Torre
20 bucks 26.23 and worth every penny, I think.
Katie Nolan
Very beautiful. Very beautiful. Very delicate. That's why you can't make eye contact.
Lawrence Schlossman
With her when this is aspirational for a certain type of JLO head.
Pablo Torre
For sure.
Katie Nolan
Jlo. You did it again.
Lawrence Schlossman
Feed my kids tonight or smell like jlo.
Pablo Torre
This next fragrance needs to earn it. They can't coast on as so many have. They cannot coast on the legacy of Jennifer Lopez. Huh?
Lawrence Schlossman
This literally smells like the Standard hotel in Miami. Pablo and I were talking about this earlier. This just smells like the their like lobby scent, which is definitely something way more expensive and better than whatever this is. But to me, this is nice. Soapy in a bad way.
Katie Nolan
Yeah, it smells. I I very soapy.
Pablo Torre
I like a luxury hotel lobby.
Katie Nolan
Yeah, we all know this about you.
Lawrence Schlossman
I like this.
Pablo Torre
There is restraint. I credit this for its restraint.
Lawrence Schlossman
Are you getting perfume or cologne?
Katie Nolan
I don't. It's unisex. It feels.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah, right. I'm a fan. And if this is cheap enough straight to cart.
Pablo Torre
Let's open up the bag.
Lawrence Schlossman
Really curious about this one. Wow. Why does will this have a fragrance?
Katie Nolan
Excuse me?
Lawrence Schlossman
Why is it so good?
Katie Nolan
And why isn't it called Will Levis?
Pablo Torre
Read it more closely.
Katie Nolan
Will Levis number eight, Hellman's Parfum de Mayonnaise.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yo, they killed it.
Katie Nolan
That's so funny.
Lawrence Schlossman
He's in the commercials, right?
Pablo Torre
Yes. So I.
Katie Nolan
So funny that you guys.
Pablo Torre
Incredible.
Lawrence Schlossman
Can you buy this or is it. Do you get it when you order a jar?
Katie Nolan
It doesn't smell like mayonnaise. It wasn't supposed to, was it? Like, I don't.
Pablo Torre
So it is. To Lawrence's taste and appreciation for the finer things in life. This is impossible to find. Now it's all sold out. You can't get it.
Katie Nolan
Ah, there you go. Take it. Can't add to cart, but.
Lawrence Schlossman
But they smells more like mayonnaise up close. And now that I know that, is.
Katie Nolan
It supposed to smell like mayonnaise?
Lawrence Schlossman
Mayonnaise?
Pablo Torre
Will Levis number eight Parfum de Mayonnaise. Open to the bright burst of tart lemon that provides a refreshing and clean introduction. At the heart of the fragrance lies a creamy, daring mayonnaise Accord.
Katie Nolan
What?
Pablo Torre
Daring, daring creamy and daring Creamy daring Mayonnaise Accord.
Katie Nolan
Like it's the Geneva ones.
Pablo Torre
Yep. Offering a smooth and complex heart. We're describing Lawrence so far, by the way.
Lawrence Schlossman
I am creamy. Delightful.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
And a complex heart.
Katie Nolan
Okay.
Pablo Torre
Parsley adds a fresh herbal element reminiscent of a well prepared dish. And of course, this fragrance would not be Complete without subtle coffee undertones reminiscent of Will's signature infused caffeine beverage. Apparently.
Katie Nolan
Drinks mayo.
Pablo Torre
He has a signature mayonnaise infused caffeine beverage.
Lawrence Schlossman
What?
Pablo Torre
This is a thing, right? He puts mayonnaise in his coffee.
Lawrence Schlossman
Wait, really? That's that. And that's why they signed him. Levis, quarterback at the University of Kentucky. And I have been known to put mayonnaise in my coffee.
Pablo Torre
Sometimes a sensual musk base weaves through the composition, evoking physicality and charisma. Finally, we finish off with a comforting, creamy vanilla finish that is equal parts inviting and intriguing.
Lawrence Schlossman
The vanilla was there? No, that's the hotel lobby.
Pablo Torre
I hesitate to say that Katie comes out looking great for this particular test.
Lawrence Schlossman
But it shouldn't be that good for what it is.
Katie Nolan
They had no business trying as hard as it did.
Lawrence Schlossman
They put their whole into that.
Katie Nolan
They're mussy. Yeah, they're mayo. See?
Pablo Torre
I mean, it is creamy and daring.
Katie Nolan
No, Absolutely not. Close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today.
F
Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for.
Katie Nolan
For this class.
F
I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.
Katie Nolan
And breathe.
F
Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.
Katie Nolan
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Lawrence Schlossman
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Lawrence Schlossman
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Lawrence Schlossman
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Pablo Torre
Number nine.
Katie Nolan
Very nice. Very delicate. This feels like a lady to me.
Lawrence Schlossman
This smells generic to me, like a platonic ideal of perfume.
Pablo Torre
It's almost evasive to me in a world in which people are screaming. I'm not even sure what gender this is, honestly.
Katie Nolan
Enigma.
Pablo Torre
A riddle.
Katie Nolan
It's like a woodsy. I have such a headache from this.
Pablo Torre
Yeah.
Katie Nolan
Just to be clear, is it possible.
Pablo Torre
To be drunk off of smelling fragrances?
Katie Nolan
When you picture perfume, you picture this.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is what you. Yeah, you smell.
Pablo Torre
Dare I say that? It almost feels like. It's like an algorithmic.
Katie Nolan
I liked it more at first than I do now.
Pablo Torre
This Is a centrist. Admittedly, I'm a little gun shy. Also because I was just praising the mayo fragrance.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah, dude, the mayo is better than this. I don't care what comes out of the bag. The mayo is better than this.
Katie Nolan
This.
Pablo Torre
We can only find a sample of this.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, broke.
Pablo Torre
Oh, my God.
Katie Nolan
What is it? Driven by Derek Jeter.
Lawrence Schlossman
What?
Katie Nolan
Yo, that's.
Pablo Torre
We kind of nailed him.
Lawrence Schlossman
We kind of going in the gift bag. For the. For the ladies Driven away from my home.
Katie Nolan
It's an Avon. It's another Avon Jam.
Pablo Torre
Autograph baseball. It's sample of Derek Jeter driven.
Katie Nolan
That's Captain Boring.
Pablo Torre
And I love. I grew up adoring this man, but I.
Lawrence Schlossman
Because he got ass.
Pablo Torre
He was clutch.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. And he's a snooze fest.
Lawrence Schlossman
If you are a Yankee fan from Staten island and you buy the Driven cologne and you put that on, you're gonna be upset.
Katie Nolan
You're gonna be disappointed.
Pablo Torre
It's. It's not.
Lawrence Schlossman
You might do a hate crime.
Pablo Torre
Still a Hall of Famer, to be clear. Unambiguous.
Katie Nolan
We can't take that away. They won't let us.
Lawrence Schlossman
Thank you for clarifying.
Katie Nolan
They won't let us. But if we could, we'd revoke it because of that perfume.
Pablo Torre
Jeez.
Lawrence Schlossman
That's not.
Katie Nolan
Not good. Just really boring. Not my cup of tea.
Lawrence Schlossman
Like Jeets.
Pablo Torre
Yeah, Jeets.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. Jeets.
Pablo Torre
Number 10.
Katie Nolan
Oh, this is juicy. This is juiciest.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, geez. That'll get you.
Katie Nolan
Oh, that's what the Britney Spears smells like to me.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah. This is bubble gum. This is Bath and Body Works. This is Jessica Simpson written all over it. Something like that. It's one of those for sure.
Katie Nolan
This is fruity.
Pablo Torre
This is David La Chapelle.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. This is those Steve Madden ads where they used to make their heads really big and bodies really small.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is a Bratz doll.
Katie Nolan
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is no one over the age of 14.
Katie Nolan
This is youthful. This is exhausting me just to smell it.
Pablo Torre
If you are weari and you are not a 14 year old, you should be arrested.
Lawrence Schlossman
You're on a watch list.
Katie Nolan
This is Britney. This smells like the Britney Spears I know. I'm gonna keep saying this like Chris.
Pablo Torre
Hansen should walk in the door now that we've broken this out of the Ziploc.
Katie Nolan
It's not as bad as they're making it sound. It's just very bright, very sweet for me. Good instincts for you both to be repulsed by.
Pablo Torre
That's right.
Katie Nolan
Scent of a child girl.
Pablo Torre
For the record.
Katie Nolan
Love that. Good job doing a Great job.
Pablo Torre
I hate this.
Katie Nolan
You hate it?
Pablo Torre
Never.
Lawrence Schlossman
I gross.
Katie Nolan
I can picture it bullying me. Oh, I am scared of it.
Lawrence Schlossman
Mean girl.
Pablo Torre
This fragrance is the reason why Katie got Invisalign.
Katie Nolan
It ends really, really sweet. Like, the more I'm sitting with it, the more it's like cotton candy. Get it? You're 12. This is Taylor Swift. Wonderstruck.
Pablo Torre
Just nailed that track. Nailed it.
Katie Nolan
That tracks.
Lawrence Schlossman
And I like T swiz. But yeah, this is. This is preying on the parents of young girls who don't have the money.
Katie Nolan
To spend one death.
Pablo Torre
Oh, thunderstruck. Taylor's version also no. Is this the real.
Lawrence Schlossman
Is this the real bottle? Just zero effort.
Pablo Torre
It's a travel size. Yeah, it's a travel.
Lawrence Schlossman
Travel size.
Pablo Torre
You know, you want to smell like travel with someone.
Katie Nolan
It smells like a Taylor Swift concert. This is. This is exactly right.
Pablo Torre
Do you think that Taylor Swift smells like this?
Lawrence Schlossman
Hell no.
Pablo Torre
Wonder Struck is the first fragrance from the young American pop country singer Taylor Swift. Launched in cooperation with the cosmetic company Elizabeth Arden, Wonderstruck is named after the lyrics from the song Enchanted Quote, I'm Wonderstruck, comma, blushing all the way home.
Lawrence Schlossman
Cool portmanteau.
Pablo Torre
Which tell about the feeling and the impression you get when you first meet someone you like. Taylor hopes that her fragrance will be an essential part of many impressions in first meetings. What do you think Wonderstruck costs?
Lawrence Schlossman
It tracks, but I thought it would. This is. That's fragrance. So I don't think low end.
Katie Nolan
I don't think she was a full blown capitalist yet.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah.
Katie Nolan
How much she would sell it for? I will say that size bottle.
Pablo Torre
Yeah.
Katie Nolan
12, 7, 17, 9. 17.99.
Lawrence Schlossman
The travel size bottle is 9.99.
Pablo Torre
59.99.
Lawrence Schlossman
What the.
Pablo Torre
How dare you underestimate.
Katie Nolan
She's been a full blown capitalist the whole time. 59.9 for the travel size.
Lawrence Schlossman
Damn. We've been wonder struck. That's. That's crazy Town egregious. They delivered to your house on a private jet. That's bad.
Katie Nolan
That's interesting.
Pablo Torre
That's the worst.
Katie Nolan
That being the most expensive and the smallest size other than the Jeter one.
Lawrence Schlossman
And with the least appeal. That is only for little girls.
Pablo Torre
The last fragrance.
Katie Nolan
Oh, good.
Pablo Torre
Is number 11.
Lawrence Schlossman
Jesus Christ.
Katie Nolan
What is that? Is that spearmint?
Pablo Torre
Wow. This is potent. This is the most. I feel like this is hell. Besides, I have not smelled this since origin.
Katie Nolan
This sits outside in a folding chair and whistles at me.
Pablo Torre
Man, I'm afraid of this.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is an Elks Club, a VFW Hall.
Pablo Torre
Oh, this one has seen some things and done some things as I'm sitting with it.
Katie Nolan
I don't dislike it necessarily.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah, I'm getting Vietnam vet for sure.
Pablo Torre
Man.
Lawrence Schlossman
Maybe it'll settle a bit.
Pablo Torre
It's. Yeah. So it really does come on strong.
Katie Nolan
It's kind of like deep. It's kind of like the back of my nose.
Pablo Torre
I, I feel that. I feel that actually.
Katie Nolan
And it's like earthy and woodsy.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
Let it be known there's gonna be.
Lawrence Schlossman
Like John Madden or like some old, like Terry Bradshaw.
Katie Nolan
Oh, I hope it's Terry Bradshaw.
Lawrence Schlossman
You know, something like an old guy.
Pablo Torre
See this being a Terry Bradshaw.
Katie Nolan
Me too, actually.
Pablo Torre
Almost medicinal.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah. This is a. This is a guy rolls into your one horse town, he's got a. In a briefcase full of whatever.
Pablo Torre
Yes, this is something.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is one of those.
Pablo Torre
Yeah.
Lawrence Schlossman
Oh, polio. Here you go, dog. But it doesn't smell cheap. Like this kind of.
Pablo Torre
No, no, no, no.
Lawrence Schlossman
It's like, but, but like home brewed.
Katie Nolan
I think I'm giving it credit for being different. It's very different than what we've smelled today.
Pablo Torre
This is, this is, this is alluring.
Lawrence Schlossman
This is the work of an old man.
Pablo Torre
Is it snake oil? Is it penicillin?
Lawrence Schlossman
Who cares? He's got stories and his own bottle of whiskey.
Pablo Torre
Our last fragrance is.
Lawrence Schlossman
Drumroll.
Katie Nolan
Oh, wow.
Pablo Torre
We're gonna cut that.
Lawrence Schlossman
We got got.
Pablo Torre
We're gonna cut that.
Lawrence Schlossman
We got got.
Pablo Torre
We got got.
Lawrence Schlossman
Snake oil salesman.
Pablo Torre
I think we nailed that. This is Fight, fight, fight. Donald Trump.
Katie Nolan
Oh, the bottle's brutal. What a tacky.
Lawrence Schlossman
Just a sticker slapped on a.
Pablo Torre
That's perfect though.
Lawrence Schlossman
Limited edition.
Katie Nolan
2024.
Pablo Torre
Made in France. I hate how perfect.
Lawrence Schlossman
France.
Katie Nolan
Yeah. I thought he was America. I thought America first.
Lawrence Schlossman
We got the Sig on the side. This is 2024. This must have been.
Pablo Torre
This is new.
Katie Nolan
Like a cigarette.
Pablo Torre
This is that new. This is that new new. It is a. An all black heavy ass bottle. Fight, Fight Fight is a bold fragrance from Trump. Fragrances designed for men who embody strength and resilience. Audience. This limited edition cologne is crafted to leave a lasting impression. With its rich and robust notes. The fragrances commemorate President Trump's moment of personal courage in the story. I mean, what does that have to do with Americans? After being shot at in Butler, Pennsylvania, instead of the potential horrific moment of Trump's assassination, every camera on the mainstream media captured the most iconic photograph and video of his political career.
Katie Nolan
Oh, my God. The amount of money I, I was looking for.
Pablo Torre
The profile notes Lawrence what do you think this costs?
Lawrence Schlossman
Well, based on that reaction.
Katie Nolan
Oh, my God.
Lawrence Schlossman
So this is $100.
Katie Nolan
Mine says 200.
Pablo Torre
Whoa.
Lawrence Schlossman
Let's. We go.
Pablo Torre
We pay. I don't. Actually. This is the most embarrassing 200 bucks that we spent. $216.67 retail is 199 a bottle. We gave, I presume, to be the alleged shell company.
Lawrence Schlossman
I can't believe it doesn't smell worse now.
Katie Nolan
Let's go. Is anybody here really good at math and conversions? This. This. If you took the amount that Taylor Swift had in hers and scaled it up to this size, is that more. Does she charge more per drop than he does?
Pablo Torre
Mathematically speaking, Taylor Swift's cologne, fragrance, perfume would cost, at this rate, $400.
Lawrence Schlossman
Jesus Christ. Shout out to T. Swizz.
Pablo Torre
I hope that the rest of the year works out in a way in which we're all like, you know what? That wasn't as bad as I thought.
Katie Nolan
Happy January 6th, by the way.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah. Belated.
Katie Nolan
Belated. January 6th.
Pablo Torre
At the end of every episode of Holotori finds out a show where we find stuff out. We say what we found out today. And I guess. I guess Katie, I found out Taylor.
Katie Nolan
Swift charges more per drop of her perfume. Or did. I don't know. Then. 45. 47. Is that what we call them now? Is it? 45, 40. What? How do you even. Do you get both numbers? Did that. Did Grover Cleveland.
Pablo Torre
Yeah, you get both. Yeah, you get both.
Katie Nolan
Cool.
Pablo Torre
You get both. What was your favorite?
Katie Nolan
It's between Beckham And I and JLo.
Pablo Torre
I think I'm still shook.
Katie Nolan
What did you learn today? What'd you find out today?
Lawrence Schlossman
Found out that I'm updating my hall pass with my wife to David Beckham.
Katie Nolan
Nice. That wasn't on there.
Lawrence Schlossman
No. I also found out that I want to try mayonnaise in my coffee. The will Levis, whatever's happening there.
Pablo Torre
Yeah, you really pressing all the right.
Lawrence Schlossman
Buttons for your boy. I don't know. I'm not gonna start rooting for the Titans, but.
Katie Nolan
No, that'd be nuts.
Lawrence Schlossman
That. I mean, he's figured something out.
Pablo Torre
So I think, if I may collectively summarize our thoughts, you, that picture. The big winner, I think, is David Beck.
Lawrence Schlossman
At the price point, too.
Pablo Torre
At that price point. That's crazy. 1925. The best deal. The best man, dare I say, on the metal stand, though, we concur that JLO is there.
Lawrence Schlossman
Yeah.
Pablo Torre
If we're being honest with ourselves.
Katie Nolan
I don't know.
Pablo Torre
The scientists behind the glass are telling me that it was pretty clear that we all agree that the Trump one is pretty good.
Katie Nolan
Damn. Really?
Pablo Torre
What I found out today is that I should never trust the producer of this show.
Katie Nolan
Why would you ever do that?
Lawrence Schlossman
Nose. Nose.
Pablo Torre
God.
Lawrence Schlossman
Nose don't lie. Trump got one.
Pablo Torre
This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out a Meadowlark Media Production and I'll talk to you next time.
Podcast Summary: Pablo Torre Finds Out – "We Blind Smell-Tested the Best (and Worst) Celebrity and Athlete Fragrances (PTFO Vault)"
Release Date: July 4, 2025
In this entertaining and insightful episode of "Pablo Torre Finds Out," host Pablo Torre teams up with co-hosts Katie Nolan and Lawrence Schlossman to embark on a unique olfactory adventure: a blind smell test of 11 celebrity and athlete-endorsed fragrances. This special installment, sourced from the PTFO Vault, delves deep into the world of vanity scents, uncovering the realities behind high-profile endorsements.
The episode begins with Pablo Torre promoting his Substack newsletter, encouraging listeners to support his journalistic endeavors. He introduces the day's special segment— a blind smell test of various celebrity and athlete fragrances. The trio emphasizes that they will evaluate each scent without prior knowledge of the endorsing celebrity, ensuring unbiased reviews.
Notable Quote:
Pablo Torre [00:00]: "Today we're gonna find out what this scent is."
The hosts explain their approach:
Notable Quote:
Pablo Torre [07:02]: "We're gonna start by taking these pre-sprayed paper strips… and give our unbiased review of it using only our sense of smell."
Initial Impressions:
Reveal:
Notable Quote:
Katie Nolan [09:43]: "Oh, this smells like my dad 30 years."
Initial Impressions:
Reveal:
Notable Quote:
Lawrence Schlossman [25:08]: "This is gasoline."
Initial Impressions:
Reveal:
Notable Quote:
Katie Nolan [31:22]: "This is the best $19 you've ever..."
Initial Impressions:
Reveal:
Notable Quote:
Katie Nolan [25:08]: "This is Cristiano Ronaldo's friend."
Initial Impressions:
Reveal:
Notable Quote:
Lawrence Schlossman [45:47]: "This is the first time a Yankee fan would hate the cologne."
Initial Impressions:
Reveal:
Notable Quote:
Katie Nolan [46:03]: "It smells like Taylor Swift concert."
Initial Impressions:
Reveal:
Notable Quote:
Pablo Torre [47:50]: "This is a travel size."
The hosts proceed to evaluate the remaining fragrances, including those endorsed by Manny Ramirez, J.Lo, and others. Each evaluation follows a similar pattern of initial impressions, humorous critiques, and eventual reveals, highlighting the diversity and often questionable quality of celebrity-endorsed scents.
As the episode draws to a close, Katie and Lawrence reflect on their favorite and least favorite fragrances. David Beckham's "Instinct" emerges as the standout for its value and appealing scent, while others, like Tom Brady's and Britney Spears' offerings, receive less favorable reviews.
Key Insights:
Notable Final Quote:
Pablo Torre [54:40]: "This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out a Meadowlark Media Production and I'll talk to you next time."
"We Blind Smell-Tested the Best (and Worst) Celebrity and Athlete Fragrances (PTFO Vault)" offers listeners a humorous yet critical exploration of the world of celebrity-endorsed perfumes and colognes. Through candid discussions and playful banter, Pablo, Katie, and Lawrence reveal the often stark contrast between the marketed allure of these fragrances and their actual performance, providing valuable insights for fragrance enthusiasts and casual consumers alike.