What It Means to Be Cool, with Kevin Wildes

Summary

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Pablo Torre Finds Out: What It Means to Be Cool

Guest: Kevin Wildes
Date: March 6, 2025
Podcast Network: Le Batard & Friends

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Overview

In this energetic and sprawling episode, Pablo Torre is joined by Kevin Wildes (FS1's “First Things First”, former ESPN producer) to investigate the ever-elusive concept of "cool." With Wildes arriving from a life-changing Maui whale-watching vacation and armed with a stack of curated notes, the duo examines what constitutes coolness—mining pop culture, nature, personal anecdotes, and a riotous list of 71 “cool” things. The conversation is improvisational, joyful, and reflective, blending humor and philosophy while pondering whether cool is innate, teachable, or simply a matter of attitude.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Wildes' Vacation and Headspace

[04:07] Wildes' Whale Epiphany

• Wildes describes an awe-inspiring whale-watching kayak trip in Maui, recounting a near-mystical moment of being surrounded by humpback whales.
• This encounter reset his outlook:

  "There's an element of negativity to it. Okay, came back from Maui. I've got a very loose door policy at Club Cool right now. Very loose." — Kevin Wildes [08:36]

• The “Club Cool” is now open to all—joy, wonder, and aliveness have broadened his definition.

2. The Proclamation: What Is Cool?

[10:04] The Unhelpfulness of “AI Cool” & Internet Theories

• AI and Google definitions of “cool” are tossed aside as too generic:

  “That's trash...You know what that sounds like? A robot wrote that.” — Pablo Torre [10:27]

• On Reddit, a succinct formula emerges:

  “Competence plus calm plus confidence equals cool.” — Wildes quoting online, [11:17]
  They riff on this CCC model, testing its application with various examples.

3. Coolness in the Wild—Literally & Figuratively

[13:12] Alligator Beer-Can Opener as “Cool” Archetype

• Wildes recounts watching a viral video:

  “This dude takes aluminum can of beer, pops it on the alligator's tooth...gives it to his buddy, who then shotguns it...It's just, this dude's just being him and he's getting down to the raw authenticity of himself and doing cool stuff.” — Wildes [13:20]

• Pablo observes, “So far a lot of your cool examples involve things that live in the water.” [14:04]

4. Cool Moments: Personal Tales

[16:05] Pablo Meets John—Author of “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil”

• Pablo relates a story of eating lunch alone and being seated with John Berendt, best-selling author:

  “Cool to me is showing up, putting yourself out there and not knowing is this going to be painful or not. And then being rewarded by the universe with the breaching humpback whale of one of the greatest authors.” — Pablo Torre [18:35]

5. Club Cool: The Epic List

[19:18] Wildes' “71 Things”

• Wildes comes prepared with an exhaustive “Massive list” ranging from:
  • Owls turning their heads [19:39]
  • Dogs with spiked anti-wolf collars [21:04]
  • Birds ("underrated”), dogs (“overrated"), and their respective cool feats [21:27]
  • Music and sports—classic moments like Hendrix at Woodstock or Marvin Gaye at the All-Star Game [23:43]
  • Skateboarding, convertibles, mechanics with lots of tools [30:13]
  • All sea life, especially those demonstrating uniqueness or survival [32:27]
  • Sunglasses, Venus flytraps, cacti, "old guys wandering around in flip flops with good vibes,” and more [32:27–32:59]
• In the list, Wildes argues that “pretty much all musical endeavors” are cool, refusing exclusivity:

  “That’s the point...pretty much every musical endeavor is cool.” — Wildes [28:22]

• Pablo: “The committee needs a little bit more exclusivity than…” [28:08]

6. Debates: Deliberate vs. Spontaneous Cool [24:16, 25:12]

• Is coolness the result of practiced mastery or achieved only in spontaneous moments?

  “Does it undermine the committee’s case if this thing was practiced?” — Pablo [25:12]

• Wildes and Pablo agree both have merit, using examples from sports and daily life.

7. “Upsets” in the Coolness Bracket

[38:44] The 16-over-1 Theory

• A March Madness-style bracket of what’s conventionally cool vs. surprisingly cool:
  • Roadies vs. bands (“Roadies are cooler.”) [39:03]
  • Being “pretty good” at billiards is cooler than being a true expert [39:15]
  • Old, worn things over shiny, new things [40:01]
• The discussion roots for the underdog, the unassuming, and the authentic.

8. Authenticity, Vulnerability, and Renewal of Cool

[41:20] Ronaldo’s Affirmations: Can Cool Be Taught?

• Wildes shares a video of Cristiano Ronaldo, about to take a penalty kick, calmly talking himself into confidence:

  “You can cross the barrier. Same as always for you. It's normal to score.” — Ronaldo, paraphrased by Wildes [42:42]

• Pablo: “He looks legitimately like he needs to make himself less scared.” [42:49]
  • Wildes reframes:

    “If Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t believe in himself, has to gas himself up, so can you. And the fact that we're just so few of us on this earth at this one time, being able to see whales, you are cool. Even if you don't think you are.” [46:23]

9. Cosmic Perspective: Club Cool Is Open

• Wildes, on learning about the tiny biomass of humans:

  “When you're accusing me, you're just letting everybody into Club Cool...I'm only letting in 0.01% of all biomass on Earth.” [45:11]

• The takeaway is affirmative and inclusive—everyone has a shot at “the Hall of Cool.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being present leading to cool:

  “Eating alone, cool. Competent, calm, confident. All those things describe John.” — Pablo Torre [18:36]

• On the open-door policy:

  “I've got a very loose door policy at Club Cool right now. Very loose.” — Kevin Wildes [08:36]

• On water-based coolness:

  “I'm just going where the data leads me, dude.” — Kevin Wildes [14:04]

• Challenging the exclusivity of “cool”:

  “You just included pretty much every music room of pretty much human performance.” — Pablo Torre [28:13]

• Ronaldo's calm self-affirmation before a penalty:

  “You can cross the barrier. Same as always for you. It's normal to score.” — (Wildes, paraphrasing Ronaldo) [42:42]

• On the universality and rarity of coolness and humans:

  “Humans make up approximately 0.01% of all biomass on Earth...the moral of the story is the world is amazing. You gotta believe in yourself...you are cool. Even if you don't think you are.” — Kevin Wildes [46:23]

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• [04:07] – Wildes’ whale-watching experience and its philosophical impact
• [10:04–11:19] – Definitions of cool: AI, Reddit, and the “Competence+Calm+Confidence” formula
• [13:12] – Viral video of “alligator bottle opener guy” as the embodiment of cool
• [16:05] – Pablo’s lunch story with John Berendt and the serendipity of cool moments
• [19:18] – Introduction of Wildes’ annotated list of 71 cool things
• [24:16–25:12] – Deliberate vs. spontaneous acts of coolness, using sports examples
• [38:44–40:01] – March Madness-style “cool upsets”: roadies vs. bands, shiny vs. worn
• [41:20–42:49] – Cristiano Ronaldo and the vulnerability behind even “the coolest”
• [45:03–46:23] – Cosmic stats and the open invitation to Club Cool

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Tone & Style Highlights

• Conversational, improvisational, and playful—with Pablo’s dry wit balancing Wildes’ enthusiastic riffing.
• Philosophical but welcoming; earnest without taking themselves too seriously.
• Joyously inclusive—coolness is both universal and attainable, celebrating the small wonders and the unexpected.

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Closing Thoughts

This episode playfully deconstructs the mythology of cool, landing on a position that’s as inviting as it is irreverent: Almost anything (and anyone) can be cool if approached with authenticity, confidence, and openness to the world’s wonder. Whether it’s a breaching whale, a rock god, or a quietly confident octogenarian at a deli, coolness is more attitude than achievement—and Club Cool, after today, is open to all.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds out. I am Pablo Torre. And today we're gonna find out what this sound is right after this ad. You're listening to Giraffe Kings. What's the situation here? Are we sweet?

[B]

Have we started?

[A]

I think we have.

[B]

Great.

[A]

This is a very loud new chair. As an FYI.

[B]

It's okay. I'm ready to make a proclamation, but you can start us.

[A]

I would like to start with your proclamation.

[B]

Wherever you think this podcast is going to go. Because you've caught me in such a unique headspace, it's going to go further away than you think it's going to. And here's the thing. If you don't like it, I'm okay just severancing this podcast, being like, you know what? That never happened. We, you know, we just delete it.

[A]

Yep. I'm gonna go home and have no memory.

[B]

Yeah. Of like, oh, why Weiss gave Wilds a pithy thesis while he was on vacation and he became like a different person.

[A]

You have a sheaf of papers. Yeah. And you're always full of ideas, but now you're, like, champing at the bit. By popular demand, by the way. And Kevin Wiles, I should say your name allowed for people not watching on YouTube. By popular demand. You're here. And I thank you for that.

[B]

You sent me a text, maybe on when I was on vacation. Yeah, I think it was. I was in Maui.

[A]

It took you a couple days to the point where I was like, I don't know if Kevin likes this idea.

[B]

Well, that's another part. Another leaf. I'm turning over less phone. Like, just enough with the phones.

[A]

So actually disengaging or doing the thing that I've been trying to do, which is also, admittedly, trying to be tardy enough so that everyone's expectations for my responsiveness are reduced.

[B]

Yeah. Treat it like a letter. Like a very fast letter. Like, you wrote me a letter. I got it. I'm thinking about it. Here's your letter back. But it's very fast. A day in the olden days.

[A]

Right. Not Ken Burns Civil War letter. No, but closer to, you know, your.

[B]

Birthday card from your parents. Yeah, it's coming. All right. So you sent me a text that.

[A]

Said one embryonic topic. This was Saturday, 1:32pm One embryonic topic I'm meditating on for you. I don't like myself as I read my words aloud, but this is what I am, what it means to be, quote, unquote, cool. Who the coolest people are, whether it can be taught how effort intersects with cool risks of embarrassment. The coolest things we've ever seen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you didn't respond for. For hours, actually. Then you got to me and you said, quote, this is cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nothing else. And then you made me wait a day and a half. And then Monday morning you said, I'm back and working on this, and Now.

[B]

I have 20 pages. So this. This is where I was at. So many papers in front of you, headspace wise. Because I figured when you sent me a text, you just want to talk about, like, hey, Michael Jordan sure was cool. I'm like, yeah, hey, remember when Vince Carter jumped over Frederick Weiss? That was cool, right? Like, yep, that's cool. And you know, Led Zeppelin's cool. Like, yeah, everybody knows that stuff. So I'm like, how do I put a twist on this? And I just so happened to be in Maui. Have you been to Hawaii?

[A]

I've been to Kauai.

[B]

Oh, man. We wanted to go to Kauai.

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

Kauai is even more nature y than Maui.

[A]

It is. It's where they film Jurassic Park.

[B]

Oh, okay. So this will be right in your wheelhouse. Were there whales there?

[A]

Of course there were.

[B]

Okay. I know you're a big whale aficionado as well.

[A]

My bachelor party involved whale watching.

[B]

Did it really?

[A]

San Juan Islands. Saw a fully breaching humpback whale.

[B]

So did I. Not at your bachelor party eight days ago.

[A]

Dude, my skin's tingling.

[B]

Okay, so this is where it happened. We get to Maui. I wasn't aware. Prior to this vacation, I didn't even know the humpback whale schedule. Oh, yeah, I didn't know what schedule they were on. I thought they were just kind of roaming around. Nope. The humpback whales from Alaska and the humpback whales from Antarctica, they. They come and converge. They have a little meetup to give birth to their babies and then kind of nurture them in Hawaii in the warm waters. Holy cow. So anyways, there we get there, and there's all these blow holes popping off in the horizon, and we're screaming like maniacs and like, yeah, it's. It's whale season. And it's like when you shout out to all the European tourists that come to Central park and start taking pictures of the squirrels. Like, guys, you need to ch. There's plenty of them. You don't need to take pictures of them.

[A]

I rarely feel cooler than when I am the guy just, like, pointing finger guns at tourists, being like, yeah, this is what, New York.

[B]

Yeah, we got squirrels that was me with humpback whales. So there's little kayaks you can rent. Kayaks? Oh, you.

[A]

Wait, you. You went in a kayak?

[B]

Dude, we get in normal kayaks that they rent to people at the hotel with a guide who's on a stand up paddleboard.

[A]

What does this guy look like?

[B]

Awesome. Obviously, dude's getting whale watching.

[A]

He looks like a human stand up paddle.

[B]

Amazing. He's amazing. And his vibe is immaculate.

[A]

Of course. I just. That guy's day to day quality of life. We should be jealous.

[B]

He's just fantastic. Shout out to John. So John takes us out because we don't know how deep to go. We're. We're chasing the blowholes. So we're just hanging out and. And next thing you know, here come the humpback whales in the distance, but nearby. Baby, mother. And then the escort. Do you know about this?

[A]

Oh, wait.

[B]

Travel in pods of three. So the escort is either like a senior whale or like mom's friend. Like it's not the dad. And then the John tell shows us. He puts his GoPro. He shows us a video of the GoPro. It's the baby and the mom, like kind of side by side. And then the escorts kind of just like, like, Like a security guard for celebrity. Yeah, not like looming.

[A]

Not whale. Prostitute. Whale.

[B]

No, whale bodyguard. Yeah, yeah, bodyguard. So anyways, so then the whales start. The whales are doing their thing. Me and my son Russell, where to sit in the kayak. And then the big circles start to happen.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

We're like, what in the world?

[A]

Lunge feeding?

[B]

No, this. It's just the way. It's just something's happening underneath us. Then. Then we're in a circle. We're like, what in the world we got. We start paddling backwards. Whales come. Then a whale breaches right in front of us. Unbelievable.

[A]

Like whales. There's nothing you and I love more than a good pod.

[B]

Okay, the whale pod you're talking about.

[A]

You know, no puns.

[B]

No puns. Okay. So then I'm on the beach and I go under the water, right? And I'm, you know, I like to swim under the water. Look, nothing.

[A]

Body surfing.

[B]

Yeah, but this is. I'm just like patiently, like just going under the water, just opening my eyes. Oh. Just pop up. Old man with a boogie board next to me. He says, are you listening to the whales? I said, what? So you know you can hear the whales? I said, you can? He's like, yeah, it's like a elementary school concert of violins. Poorly played violins. So I go back. Really? I go back under, I hear. So I popped up and I got your text at some point, like, the world is amazing, dude. I was like, oh. Like, this is a very spiritual moment for me and has, like, changed my outlook on this particular podcast because I feel like, what's cool, what's not, you know, you see magazine list. Oh, this is cool. And this is not. Wearing your socks high is cool and wearing them low is not. And it's just there's an element of negativity to it. OkW, came back from Maui. I've got a very loose door policy at Club Cool right now. Very loose.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's cool. Come on in. Because the world is great and I'm feeling alive. Now we can start the podcast.

[A]

Okay. So, number one, deeply jealous of your vacation.

[B]

I don't want you to be. I want to share it. I don't want you to. I don't want you to have any negative feelings. And I don't want to be like, ah, I did this. I'm just saying, like, I'm here sharing it. I'm trying to spread the positive energy. Don't be jealous.

[A]

So when it comes to the. The nightclub that you are now, you have a very. I. I use the word Catholic in a different sense. A very Catholic policy. Very open. Come on in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No velvet rope. Just.

[B]

There's still a rope.

[A]

Few clubs have as much paperwork as yours.

[B]

True.

[A]

You're holding. You're double fisting. You have. You've printed out what feel like. Are those shot sheets? You have. You have photographs. I can't read the words.

[B]

Well, what do you want to do? I've got a lot of stuff to go through. You want me to just kind of throw it at you and you tell.

[A]

Me, you know, you used to be a producer. Now you're.

[B]

This feels like a meeting, though.

[A]

You're now an in demand talent, and I'd like you to run the meeting.

[B]

Okay. First off. So I googled what cool is and I came up with something.

[A]

AI uncool.

[B]

It's fine. I guess it gave me a stupid list of what cool is. It's. AI doesn't work.

[A]

Oh, oh, we're scrap. Okay. You've. You've. You've thrown out the first piece of paper.

[B]

It doesn't. I mean it. Cool people are honest, they're diplomatic, they're good with others, they use humor, they have autonomy, independent, unconventional, don't conform, and they solve problems.

[A]

That's trash.

[B]

And that's not helpful. There's Nothing. You know what that sounds like a robot wrote that. Reddit. Oh, the Reddit community. So I went to Reddit. This is just like you're pulling the Internet start. It is kind of starting an essay with, like, the definition of cool. Webster's defines. Okay. Then Reddit had. There's two things that I pulled. One was kind of like psychology, which I got lost in. And then the second one, this person wrote it. 2000 dragon handle is. I'll answer this from a filmmaker's perspective. The question was, like, what's cool when trying to create cool characters. The formula is competence plus calm plus confidence equals cool.

[A]

Competence, calm, confidence.

[B]

Yep, it worked.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It tracks.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I went through.

[A]

And so the ccc.

[B]

Yeah, four even. Even four there equals cool. So it works. Then I kind of came up with a Rosetta Stone of cool.

[A]

What does that mean? So I understand the Rosetta Stone is a way of being able to understand other languages.

[B]

I kind of just liked the word Rosetta Stone rather than the Madden ratings of cool. So I saw this video. I wanted to get, like, something super famous. Certainly walking on the moon is cool, but also kind of unattainable for most people. Then I saw this guy. I'd assume you haven't seen this video, but you are very online.

[A]

I extremely. I. I know 2000 dragons.

[B]

Dragon, singular. I like when I listen to the Chris Hayes podcast. You guys are talking about esoteric random tick tocks. And he's like, yeah, that guy's great.

[A]

Yeah, the hammer guy.

[B]

What in the world? Have you seen this guy? I pulled a screen grab for it.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I'll describe it.

[A]

Yeah, please. For Theater of the Mind, it's a.

[B]

Gentleman fishing with a few of his pals. Looks like he's got a Miller Light in his hand and he's tapping on the water. Okay. To get the gators to come near. Alligator comes right up to the boat, taps it a little bit more. So the alligator opens its mouth. This dude takes aluminum can of beer, pops it on the alligator's tooth, gives it to his buddy, who then shotguns it.

[A]

Come on, don't look it up. Some Flintstones. Our bird is also our telephone. Our alligator is our bottle opener.

[B]

So here's the thing. So I went back and looked at it. Is he calm? Yes. Is this dude confident?

[A]

Yes, obviously.

[B]

Is he confident? Oh, you want a beer? You want a shotgun? A beer? Yeah. Does anyone have a key? No. I have a gator tooth. Great, dude. It crushes it. And what I really want. So what I take Away from that. It's obviously cool. It doesn't matter how you look, it doesn't matter where you live. It doesn't matter, you know, your haircut or your sneakers or any of this other stuff. This is why my aperture is so open. It's just, this dude's just being him and he's getting down to the raw authenticity of himself and doing cool stuff.

[A]

Are you aware that so far a lot of your cool examples involve things that live in the water?

[B]

I'm just going where the data leads me, dude.

[A]

And this is where I just need to jump in to say that. Our friend Kevin Wilds, the co host of First Things first on FS1 and also a former producer at ESPN, he really does love data. He loves making sports infographics actually by hand. And when Wild was in the PTFO studio in January listening to me and his co host Nick Wright debate the smartest person in sports media. Do I think I am the smartest guy in sports media?

[B]

Obviously, I think that.

[A]

One regret I had was that I didn't tap into Kevin's passion for charts and perhaps appropriately charts about maybe the opposite topic from who is the smartest person in sports media? Which is to say, what's the coolest thing in the world? And so today, before I get to my own story, which involves a guy I met named John, I should warn you here that Wilds did not curate a list of 5 things or 10 things or 25 things.

[B]

What he brought us was 71 things that are cool. We can discuss each of them.

[A]

It's a 50 minute show.

[B]

I mean, I'm gonna fly through them. Then. The other thing you asked me was coolest thing in the world. Did you have a. Did you think of something? Did you assign yourself that?

[A]

I have. I have done so much less homework for this episode than you, but I have. I have some takes.

[B]

It's your one.

[A]

I have some takes. I ate lunch alone the other day.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

Went to Barney Greengrass, Upper west side establishment. Great bagels. The Sturgeon King. More again, aquatic life. And I was asked, hey, there's no room for like a one person to get their own table. There's a four top. There's one guy here, his name is john.

[B]

Great.

[A]

He's 80 something years old.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there are two women. They're together. Do you guys want to share one table?

[B]

All four of you?

[A]

All four of us.

[B]

Like, just communal.

[A]

And choose your own adventure in terms of how much you want to talk to each other.

[B]

A lot.

[A]

And So I said, yeah, great.

[B]

Of course you should have brought a microphone. That would have been a great pod.

[A]

Believe me. I thought about it.

[B]

You should have a. You should have a little travel kit.

[A]

So I almost put a wire on because John, what happened was at some point the waiter comes by and he's like a table opened up. Do you guys want to not do this? Because this is. You acknowledge that this is a little much. And my move as a New Yorker is to say, and, you know, whatever John wants to do, I'm cool with.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

And John sort of like very blase. Like, no, I'm good.

[B]

Great.

[A]

And so me and John. That's my signal. Door is open. Time to start talking. Yeah, John turns out, yes, he's in his 80s. I'm going to look up his.

[B]

Oh, you can look John up, because.

[A]

John and I are just, like shooting this. And he begins to explain that he's a writer. And John is John Barent, who is the author of a book called Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Which. That's a famous book, dude.

[A]

Which happens to have been on the New York Times bestseller list for 216 weeks.

[B]

I think we have that book at my home. Midnight spent 216 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, more than any other nonfiction book in history. I never thought it would be a bestseller.

[A]

It became a movie. Clint Eastwood directed it. So the point being that, like, John, who didn't give a. About anything, was down to either talk or not talk. He and I just started doing an unrecorded podcast.

[B]

Does he lead with that? You know, I wrote Midnight in the Garden of Good. That's a famous book. It's not like a tiny book.

[A]

It's like a record setting. It's about a thing in Savannah, Georgia. Two things about John. Very eager to talk about it, but was honestly happy to just read the New York Times until I said, so, John, what do you get here? And then we talk about order. And cool to me is showing up, putting yourself out there and not knowing is this going to be painful or not. And then being rewarded by the universe with the breaching humpback whale of one of the greatest authors, it seems, in nonfiction writing. And at least the, you know, well, that's cool. Recent history of the United States.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Eating alone, cool, competent, calm, confident. All those things describe John.

[B]

Home run, dude. Home run. Story one of. Is it the coolest thing in the world?

[A]

It's up there. Not. No. But, no, Not. Not in my list of 71 things. That's not number one.

[B]

Do you have a number one? Because I. I think I have a number one.

[A]

Yeah, I want to. We should alternate or. At the very least, I would like you to go next.

[B]

Well, I have two. I have two more. I'll hold up two things. Okay. I have all of these. Okay. This is called. This one is called Massive list.

[A]

Yeah, it says it. You wrote it in all caps across the top.

[B]

Yeah, it's organized stuff. And this one is just the one that I think is the coolest moment, but I'm not. This moment can just fold into all of these. Like, this moment is not necessarily cooler than. I'll give you just number 12, in no particular order. When owls turn their head around. Yeah, that's cool.

[A]

I went to an owl cafe in Japan.

[B]

I've seen that.

[A]

It's so worth it.

[B]

Nocturnal.

[A]

Great question. I also had. I was like, is this one of those, like, we are keeping the prisoners awake in a sort of, like, experimental torture situation? And I didn't get clarity on that because it was the daytime and these owls were spinning their heads around and seemingly cool with it.

[B]

And these two Key and Gigi. And they look so angry, but. Oh, that's good.

[A]

I got to pet several increasingly tiny owls.

[B]

Oh, smaller.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I would have gone the other way.

[A]

Nah.

[B]

Because Huge owl.

[A]

Well, you start with the big one, and then you. You work your way to winning the.

[B]

Trust of the smallest ones.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Once you go through with your. Everything is cool, isn't it? Filter on. It's endless.

[A]

I mean, the bird as a thing. Like, this is my whole con of mammals. Take.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

We fetishize the dog and I see of a. Is that a dog on?

[B]

Yeah. So I'm glad you bring it up. If you want me to jump your take. Well, here's a dog that. That herd sheep, but there's wolves out there, you know, so you know what this dog has on him? A collar of spikes. He's got a spiked. The spikes on this collar are about 4 inches long. And it's. So when a wolf tries to attack.

[A]

Him, his jugular is.

[B]

It's basically, he's turning him into a dog porcupine. So that's number two. Go ahead.

[A]

About dogs calm.

[B]

Yeah, he is, dude. Herding sheep. Just mind his business.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, that's a good. That's a good preempting of my take, which was dogs overrated. Birds underrated. Because birds, of course, can literally speak English and we don't care.

[B]

Okay. Dogs can smell cancer. So, like, let's slow your roll here, okay?

[A]

I want to. I want to. I want to substantiate that. That is. That is a thing. So this is Lucy. She's a Labrador Cross Irish water spaniel.

[B]

Rob Harris is training dogs to smell prostate cancer. They take urine samples from eight different patients. Now one of the eight patients has cancer, and it's the dog's job to sniff it out.

[A]

To think that they can smell like Alzheimer's as well.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So that's a good counterpart. They can't ask for, you know, how long are they at the same time.

[A]

Jordan lebron, situation dog for spirits.

[B]

Dogs have jobs, like, several jobs. Birds don't have jobs with delivering messages.

[A]

Eagles. They've trained eagles to take down drones. The Dutch national police have found a.

[B]

Unique way to take the flying device down.

[A]

They have trained eagles to take down drones. This is me.

[B]

I mean, falconer wrist. I do not want to be painted as anti eagle. I'm just saying you can come across dogs. Working dogs have, like, straight up have jobs. Dogs, they're. They're get, like, they're in the military, they're in police.

[A]

They do jump out of plants.

[B]

Yeah, they do all sorts of stuff. They're at the airport.

[A]

Birds can literally fly. So.

[B]

So this is my issue parachute. This is. This. This is where I. I think that I don't want to get off on the wrong foot.

[A]

Yeah. This has become contentious.

[B]

I think if you get the badge of Cool, you're in the hall of Fame. I'm not. I'm. Hey, where you hall of Cool? Are you Babe Ruth? Are you a guy who just snuck into the hall of Fame, you know, recently? Doesn't matter, dude. My plaque is up. So whether you're. I had this originally. Jimmy Hendrick closes Woodstock with the Star Spangled Banner. Number one seed.

[A]

Conventionally cool.

[B]

It's unbelievable.

[A]

One Marvin Gate. The All Star Game. That's. That's my. That's my one seed.

[B]

Are you kidding me?

[A]

That's my one seed.

[B]

Can you see by the dog? Or you're just a kid in Little League who hits a triple and decides to slide head first. You both are doing your thing.

[A]

Dude, that one is hammered to left. It's off the glove of Clem. And now to second and third. Yamaguchi's gonna score. Score. Heading to third and in there with a triple. Bruce Boucher. What a day. Well, so this. This gets to something that I think is integral about what we're defining as cool, though. Which is deliberate versus spontaneous. Right. So you mentioned the slide, and I. I agree. The counter argument to a good slide is that it feels so practiced. So, like, for instance, you know the thing that Baker Mayfield does? You've seen that. That animated gif of, like, him.

[B]

I've seen it several times when he slides in there, pretends to be a photographer.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

It's just, like, the fluidity.

[B]

Yeah. Baker is sick, dude. It's just.

[A]

It's like, that's. That guy's cool. That's cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then the question becomes, like, what if you apply the standard of. What does it look like when he was practicing that in the mirror?

[B]

He wasn't practicing that.

[A]

Okay, so this is a standard that we have to scrutinize. Does it undermine the committee's case if this thing was practiced? Practiced. Practiced versus felt, as Jimi Hendrix, I think did and spontaneously performed?

[B]

No. You're allowed to practice it. Some of my lists are. Are. Are just nouns, dude. So this is where I got into it. This is where I started to get into, like, not just people.

[A]

So you're talking about proper nouns?

[B]

No, just swords. Okay. Like, just all swords. I mean, I don't know most swords, if there was a sword here, but that's cool.

[A]

Have you seen the Instagram account? That is cool. Sticks.

[B]

Of course I have.

[A]

Hello, Stick Nation. I'm here in Guarapari Street, Santi, Brazil. I found this beautiful, awesome stick. It's a white, curly stick. And I found this here on this beautiful place.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Official stick reviews.

[B]

Yeah, they're great. And everybody likes it. So, again, that's an offshoot of swords.

[A]

Well, it's like, what if you didn't plan to make a sword? Speaking to my practice thing, and the nature. And nature itself just presented you with Excalibur made of bark.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's cool. That's. That's objectively, obviously, Just raise. I'm. I've got so much stuff here, and we're almost out of time already. Just raise. Just stop me when you want to talk about something. Are you ready?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're not everything cool in the world.

[A]

You actually have 71 things.

[B]

But I'm looking at your paper, and some of them. Some of them have abc. Pablo gave me a job while on my vacation. Hey, can you go through everything and everyone that's ever existed and come up with a list? And I only came up with 71.

[A]

You're asking for an assignment, and I.

[B]

Wish everything ever, everything ever. So I just. This is just stuff that just popped into my brain recently. Surfers, obviously. That dog with the collar. Octopi.

[A]

I mean, ejaculates out of its tentacles. Come on as a side.

[B]

Not spies. Bats, which is basically swords. Scorpions diving, but not necessarily Olympic diving.

[A]

Again, this whole thing of like, this feels very practiced versus this feels like a thing you do spontaneously and ecstatically.

[B]

Old cars. Cars from the future. Okay, this is where I. This is a large, large catch all. Pretty much all musical endeavors, pretty much all artistic endeavors, pretty much all dancing hard, pretty much all motorcycles.

[A]

The committee needs a little bit more exclusivity than.

[B]

No, we don't. That's the point.

[A]

Pretty much all of you just included pretty much every music room of pretty much human performance.

[B]

Yeah, I know. Pretty much every musical endeavor is cool.

[A]

Can I confess to something that I agree must be uncool? I was at my daughter's ballet recital.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you know how this works. Like, there are like a hundred kids.

[B]

I've never. Just because I'm in the boy world, I've never. I'm unfamiliar with like, dance recitals.

[A]

As the father of a daughter, I went to this dance recital and they're like a hundred kids. And Violet's like in the last quarter. And I. I am embarrassed to admit this, but in the interest of journalistic transparency, I will stuck an earpod in. That's allowed for like the non.

[B]

That's totally the non.

[A]

Children of mine in attendance.

[B]

My kids did a swim. We're on a swim team for a little while. It's like a five hour thing. And then my kid gets in there, flops around for 45 seconds, get. And then comes out like, no, we. I was like, we. We can't do this anymore. We have to. He has to be. Even if he's on the bench in basketball, like, I'm looking at him, he's there. He's going to get some run. Can't be there for five hours.

[A]

Yeah, I was. I was listening to podcasts.

[B]

You can't do it, that's fine. You want to keep going?

[A]

You want to argue about no.

[B]

Skateboarding. Pretty much all sports.

[A]

I recently discovered my. My sister in her house. They have a skateboard. And I'd never skateboarded before. I spent a week just like teaching myself.

[B]

How'd you do?

[A]

I've been posting Instagram videos that one of our producers here, Nadir, he. He has been demanding that I show him what it looks like when I'm like, you know, this is me revealing. I don't know how to Skateboard when I'm taking off. Because all I'm doing is like taking a video of me, like rolling along. So I'm like, partially cool.

[B]

Yeah. Just trying. It is cool.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Almost all convertibles. Almost everything with a gas powered motor. This includes, but it's not limited to go karts, dump trucks, chainsaws, weed whackers, monster trucks and street sweepers.

[A]

What do you think about electric cars that have a device that makes the sound of a gas powered engine?

[B]

Obviously practical necessity for safety to gauge speed and distance. Obviously cool to compose it because it falls under all musical endeavors.

[A]

I was going to hold you to account.

[B]

All turtles.

[A]

There's a. And chided down. I grew up. They sold tiny, tiny turtles that like live in like a. Whatever, a bowl of water and then inevitably die.

[B]

I thought they grew super big.

[A]

Yeah, they die, but they were cool.

[B]

So does everything. Yeah. We had sea turtles and, you know, tortoises.

[A]

So old. They get so old.

[B]

That's great. My buddy's got a turtle that's going to outlive him. They need to, like, plan. They have to, like, do estate planning.

[A]

But there's something reassuring. Much like a redwood.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which will outlive us, make us feel small. So too does.

[B]

How long do you think those baby humpback whales are living? A good amount, right?

[A]

Oh, they've seen some things. Yeah.

[B]

How about the babies? The babies have just seen Maui. Like me. Almost all mechanics. Maybe all mechanics. Pretty much any job that requires having a lot of stuff.

[A]

A superintendent's key ring.

[B]

Yeah, that's. Yes.

[A]

That works for everything.

[B]

Yeah. Just anywhere. Whether you're a lumberjack, you know, any job where you're holding a lot of stuff. This is another catch. All that you'd probably be upset about. Stuff that is faster than that stuff usually is. People, animals or vehicles. Just a little bit. Just be fast. Just faster than the normal thing. Whatever the standard for that thing is. If you're a little bit faster, great.

[A]

The committee demands. This side of the committee demands that you're trying to have your cake and eat it too. You're trying to praise everybody for their efforts. All efforts welcome. No judgment. This is an open division. And yet those who are surprisingly fast. You get bonus points.

[B]

Yep. There's a little bit of bonus. There's a little. There is a little bit of bonus lily pads. Also stuff that is much slower than that stuff usually is the last person at the. Who crosses the marathon finish line. Sloths, old jalopies. Any car that you have to crank in the Front of it to get it going. Sunglasses. This is an odd one. People with long hair and barbers figure that one out. Venus fly traps, cacti, many trees, almost all sea life. Almost everything that can fly. Old guys wandering around in flip flops with good vibes. People with their shirts off. Crossing a river on a horse.

[A]

Hold on, the shirt's off.

[B]

Then chill, chefs.

[A]

The shirts off thing, I. I don't know if I can be down with that. In fact, I am not down with that.

[B]

I put this in any. In the same category as people dancing. Okay. People are like, are you worried about being embarrassed? Everybody with every dude with their shirt off is usually just crushing it. But it's a lot of. It's just being confident.

[A]

Who cares, right?

[B]

Don't let the Internet trainers get you down because you don't. You don't have trapezius muscles. Doesn't matter. Look at the guy who popped the beer on the alligator tooth. Most doormen agree.

[A]

Fully agree.

[B]

Problematic zone.

[A]

Oh, wait. That. This is a. This is the sheaf of paper. That's just bank robbers.

[B]

What do you want me to do? Sorry. A lot of weapons. Sorry. Venomous snakes. Mob bosses spitting tobacco juice on the floor of a saloon and then looking at the bartender like, what are you gonna do about it? It's just there's an element of badassery that is cool. I don't quite. It doesn't quite hit the good vibes, but I'm also not gonna ignore it.

[A]

Right. The sound of a spittoon. That's cool.

[B]

I've never heard. I've never heard.

[A]

I mean, I, I. Right. I mean, sorry, I didn't mean to imply.

[B]

It's like a three pointer.

[A]

This is in the category of stuff that are. Of stuff that is in cartoons that I just assume happens in real life, but I've never actually seen.

[B]

Yeah. So many people dip and they have those, like, gross.

[A]

Dip is not cool.

[B]

No, dip is not cool. It's. Tell you what's not cool. I mean, it's kind of cool. Again. I got a loose door policy. It's kind of cool. Guy's got a big dip in there.

[A]

Turning me into a cool nationalist. Like, I'm trying to close these borders.

[B]

It's cool. I'm just saying spittoons probably could make a comeback if somebody wants to start a spittoon company. Like you're going to carry around a Gatorade thing or a coffee, a Starbucks cup and spit into it. Look, we've got a beautiful spittoon in the corner. There old bartenders, all amphibians, everything nocturnal as mentioned. Most people in rocking chairs, rocking chairs themselves, coolers, hammocks, anything that glows in the dark, including things and animals.

[A]

Have you seen bioluminescent aquatic life?

[B]

Swam in it in Puerto Rico.

[A]

Same.

[B]

Crushed it.

[A]

I had a friend, David Epstein, actually friend of the show, fellow correspondent like yourself, a Pablo Torre, finds out. He told me his story. He was in. There's a lot of just maritime life stories.

[B]

That's okay. I think we're learning something.

[A]

I, I, I think we're, we're finding out actually something about what?

[B]

Can I tell you why that is? Most of the earth is water and most of the earth is cool.

[A]

Thus far, a mantay jumped out of the water covered in bioluminescent film.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Dude flopped on his kayak.

[B]

Yeah. That's all. Yeah. That's awesome. This is glowing in the dark.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Beaver dams, most mammals, a good amount of cash, but not as much as Floyd Mayweather has. Huge waves, wave pools, most water activities. See, now we're back here. Okay, I'm almost done.

[A]

Oh, you're not done.

[B]

Driving a car through a huge puddle, which might be considered. That's. You can see how my brain works there.

[A]

I feel like I've seen how your brain works this entire time. And it's mostly water, the universe, all.

[B]

The planets, especially Saturn's rings, comets, shooting stars and black holes. Also revolving doors. That concludes the giant list. Now I have a new category.

[A]

What's this new category called?

[B]

What is your most. This might be your most famous. I don't know. This is going to hurt your feelings. I hope not. What do you think your most famous take is?

[A]

So it's probably, I mean, I probably am attributed. Trust the process.

[B]

Okay. That, yeah, I think you're right. This is one of your famous takes.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. What's.

[B]

I wrote. Wow, what an upset, Pablo. 16 over a 1.

[A]

So for people who don't know, I would go around the horn every single year because of course, statistically it was overdue. And I would say this is the year that a 16 seed will finally upset a 1 seed. For two months we have talking, we've been talking about how this season is going to be the season when A16 upsets A1. On this show around the horn, I am predicting Southern University will upset Gonzaga tomorrow afternoon. I did it for 10 years in a row. And then the one year that it happened, UMBC upsetting Virginia, I picked another team.

[B]

But you, you should have been able to just pick every 16.

[A]

That's why I told Tony Reali you'd.

[B]

Be like, I. I'm taking a 16 seed over.

[A]

I got. I got minus 300 points.

[B]

I mean, that's uncool. Everything's cool. But I just. For the sake of this podcast experiment, these are some surprising 16s or ones. I want to get your reaction.

[A]

Don't totally understand the dynamic, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna sit here and quiet.

[B]

In a shocking upset, roadies number 16 seed upset the band that they work for. The number one seed. Unbelievable. The guys doing the wiring in the staging, cooler than the band itself.

[A]

Roadies have seen some.

[B]

They're so cool.

[A]

They know some things upset the band.

[B]

Wow. No one could believe it. Except Pablo. That called it.

[A]

That's a one shining moment level upset.

[B]

In another huge upset. Being very good at billiards falls to being pretty good at billiards. I don't even really play cooler than being excellent at it.

[A]

Okay, so this leads me to a clarification.

[B]

Go.

[A]

Guy who brings his own pool cue, Guy who brings his own racket, Guy who brings his own thing unsheaths it and says, guess what? I am an expert.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But if you just never play and you're like, wow, you're like, surprisingly good. Cooler. It's an upset. Another upset. Not as fun. Shiny things. Upset by old dull stuff.

[A]

Game worn. You like game worn more than you like. Fresh off the assembly.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, that's a big. In the watch world, by the way.

[A]

As a world. Well, I'm not, but I know. I can tell.

[B]

Well, no, but like, like, if you send your watch away, you have to be like, don't polish it.

[A]

Oh. This is kind of like the cast iron theory of things, where it's like, you don't want to. I don't cook or have a cast iron pan, but I'm told that if you were to, like, put it in dishwasher.

[B]

Yeah, no, don't do that.

[A]

You got to keep the grime.

[B]

Shiny things taken out of there. All right, that's that list. What is this? This is kind of. I wrote tough call for the bouncer at the cool club. Not a definite no, but also not a definite yes. Did I send you the. The. The. The gif of Isaiah Thomas from the Last Dance where he's like, I met the criteria, but I wasn't selected. Yeah, zip lines. I just. I don't know. Depending on my mood.

[A]

Artificial plants.

[B]

Tough to argue.

[A]

It's just. It's. It's. It's objectively like you get none of the it's stolen valor.

[B]

Artificial plants aren't great.

[A]

They don't oxygenate the air. They pretend like you are taking care of them.

[B]

It's an inauthenticity that you don't.

[A]

Yes. I don't like the man made nature stuff. I just. No, no.

[B]

Have you seen this meme of Cristiano Ronaldo?

[A]

No. I somehow, despite being very fluent in what I thought were the universe of Ronaldo memes. No.

[B]

Ronaldo is about to take a penalty kick. I titled this one Cool as a renewable resource because one of the questions you asked me was can you. Can it be a taught thing?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Ronaldo might be the second best soccer player all time. There's an argument that he's the best soccer player of all time.

[A]

Sure. Leo Messi Maradona.

[B]

He'S in the mix.

[A]

They're all. They're all in that club.

[B]

He scored over 900 goals. Out of those 900 goals, 170 over 170 have been penalty kicks. He is rich beyond his wildest dreams.

[A]

Most followed person on the Internet.

[B]

Also inarguably gorgeous. Okay, so he's. He hits all those. Calm, cool, confident. Right. He's got all of those. This video of him before he takes this penalty kick. Translated from. It's for. He's playing for Portugal, is talking to himself. He says, you can cross the barrier the same as always for you. It's normal to score. He has to gas himself up before taking this penalty kick.

[A]

It is him saying very clearly these words as like a positive affirmation.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it's. He's. There's so little irony. He looks legitimately like he needs to make himself less scared.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So this is okay. Interesting conflict for the committee to consider. We said confidence was a key leg of the tripod.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

This man in this moment seems like he needs to lather himself up to get to that.

[B]

My most optimistic takeaway from this assignment was if you can are the second best at something in the world. Or let's just say for the argument, the best. You've scored 900 goals. You are the face of soccer for your country. And if you have self doubt, then of course it's okay if you're listening to this pod, to have a little self doubt. But all you have to do is be like, you know what? I can do this.

[A]

I know this sounds the barrier.

[B]

You can cross the barrier. I thought that was super interesting.

[A]

You can cross the barrier. Same as always for you. You. It's normal to score.

[B]

My son played in a Little League tournament in Cooperstown, and I had seen this video a long time ago, and, you know, you always got to, like, yell encouragement to the batters and. Yeah, and we're playing kids from all over the place. Like, there's. There's teams from California who are very good at baseball. So, anyways, so my incar. After I watch this video, I wouldn't be like, come on, you can do it. You know, straighten out. And then people trying to give actual tips. Straight up, move your elbow. All this. My. My thing was my son, Russell. I was like, russell, this is normal for you. That's what I tell him. Like, this is normal for you. You do this. This is normal for you. It's the best thing you can tell someone. It's the best thing you can tell yourself. This is normal for you. You can do this. And if Ronaldo has to do. It's foreign thoughts. This is kind of. This gets me in trouble. On First Things first, when I get a statistic that I don't totally understand but get the gist of. And Nick Wright is like, hold on. What? I'm like, I don't know, dude, but you get the gist of it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The biomass of animals. Biomass is measured by the amount of carbon an organism contains.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Carbon, Primary component of all known life on Earth. Used in complex biological molecules and compounds. That's not really my thing, per se.

[A]

That should be a combine measurement. Your biomass.

[B]

Comparing all biomass to life on Earth. Bacteria, lots of it. Fungi, tons of it. Plants. Protists. I don't even know what protists are. Well, most protests are single celled viruses, archaea, single celled microorganism, animals. And then finally, here's what. Here's the point of this, okay? Humans make up approximately 0.01% of all biomass on Earth. So when you're accusing me, you're just letting everybody into Club Cool Because I can't have that open door of a policy, man. Everybody can come in, and I'm only letting in 0.01% of all biomass on Earth in a few fungi and a few animals. And no bacteria has made it. And a few plants.

[A]

Some protests.

[B]

The moral of the story is the world is amazing. You gotta believe in yourself. Because if Cristiano Ronaldo doesn't believe in himself, has to gas himself up, so can you. And the fact that we're just so few of us on this earth at this one time, being able to see whales, you are cool. Even if you don't think you are.

[A]

Part of what I found out today is that I think you did all of this work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just so you could throw your glasses onto a table.

[B]

Did I dirtily do it? Sorry. They're only $80. Put them back. I couldn't get them on. It's more in frustration because I couldn't get them on over there. I'm not used to wearing these things. That's all I got.

[A]

Wilds.

[B]

What else you got? Anything else?

[A]

Let me see my notes.

[B]

Got a free cup of coffee out of it.

[A]

Let me see my notes. We didn't get the magicians.

[B]

I know.

[A]

What the.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

The one thing I had prepped is Magician takes.

[B]

I had a thing on illusionists too.

[A]

You didn't even. They didn't make the list.

[B]

They are. I skipped over them because I felt like. Don't get me started on mimes. I got an issue with Min.

[A]

The one group that should not cross that barrier. Mimes?

[B]

No fan of mimes.

[A]

Kevin Wilds. It is an honor and a privilege to be on this committee. And also, clearly, much like every other person on this planet, a member of Club Cool.

[B]

That's right. I don't know if you did any. I'll tell you what was cool. Tricking me into producing your whole podcast. You just sit here and I ramble like a day off for you.

[A]

Honestly, you gotta go on vacation. This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a Meadowlark Media production. And I'll talk to you next time.

[B]

Sam.