Why Listening to Action Bronson Makes Us Happy

Summary

Podcast Summary: Pablo Torre Finds Out

Episode Title: Why Listening to Action Bronson Makes Us Happy
Date: December 26, 2024
Host: Pablo Torre
Guest: Action Bronson

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Overview

This episode is an exuberant, freewheeling exploration of the world according to Action Bronson: New Yorker, rapper, chef, TV host, bodybuilder, film actor, and cultural Renaissance man. Pablo Torre dives into what makes Bronson and his music such a source of joy, touching on creativity, Queens, legendary calves, VHS tapes, bodily freedom (shorts!), physicality, accidental poetry, and the unexpected happiness found in contradiction and self-expression. The pair also riff on the viral “Accidental Bronson” Twitter account, turning the entire conversation into a performance of improvisational wit and warmth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Action Bronson’s New York Essence

• Opening Observation: Pablo marvels at Action Bronson as someone who "is oozing New York out of every pore" ([01:52]).
• Bronson is described as the embodiment of New York’s contradictory charm—simultaneously serious and casual, passionate and irreverent.

2. On Music, Artistry, and Audience

• Bronson on Creation: “I don’t really give a... To be honest with you. I’m just doing it for myself. I’m not even thinking about like anything else but new things” ([03:33]).
• He compares making music to painting, insisting it’s about his own breakthroughs—never about seeking or dictating audience reactions.

3. The Joyful Weirdness and Imagery in Bronson’s Music

• Pablo's producer tries to describe Bronson’s music: “This music makes me want to ride a horse” ([05:00]).
• Bronson’s lyrics are a sensory explosion, described by him as: “It brings out all the emotions of carnal desires... Riding horses on beaches naked... watching fire burn... chilling with some Kobes on...” ([05:18]).
• Bronson self-identifies: “I’m a jazz instrument, just like a goddamn saxophone or the Rhodes I am, you know, make me cry” ([05:33]).

4. Life Philosophy, Nostalgia, and Humor

• On Wearing Shorts Forever: Bronson recounts a traumatic pants-related incident that led him to switch to shorts permanently ([07:43], [07:56]).
  • “Everyone needs stretchy shorts. I don't think that anyone should wear a constricting situation.” ([08:29])
• Physical Confidence & Body Philosophy: Bronson champions showing off his hard-earned calves and quads, shaming Pablo into considering more shorts ([15:10], [16:33]).
• Childhood & Fighting: He reflects on being an unconstrained, wild kid and his preferred self-defense move: the headbutt ([09:22], [10:25]).
• VHS Nostalgia: Stories about his grandfather’s 3,000+ VHS tapes and the 'graininess' and warmth of tape versus digital ([11:28], [11:52]).

5. Culture, Queens & Diversity

• Bronson on Queens: “It’s a mixture of every single life on Earth in one place. It’s kind of like it’s a holy land.... You never, ever, ever have to leave. And you've already been everywhere.” ([21:59]–[22:30])
• Discussion of Queens in pop culture: “When I think of Queens, I think of Coming to America... that’s a tremendous depiction of Queens.” ([22:49])

6. Physicality, Fitness, and Athletic Heroes

• Bronson details his eclectic workout—prefers squats and strongman training over bench press or running ([17:10], [17:29]).
• Steroids Confession: “Yeah. 24 years old, I was juiced up... My boy got me some juice and we was shooting it up.” ([19:31])
• Talks athletic admiration for Mike Tyson, who once kissed him on the hand (“Just happened. Just happened.” [25:57]).

7. Comedy, Bathroom Talk & Daily Life

• A long, hilarious digression on the merits of warm toilet seats, bidets, and old-school bathroom habits ([29:14]–[31:08]).
• Pablo and Bronson bond over silly discomforts and the tactile pleasures of everyday life (e.g., Dustbusters, stealing from Caldor, derision for Roombas and robots).

8. 'Accidental Bronson' & Surreal Poetry

• Explores “Accidental Bronson,” a Twitter account collecting tweets that accidentally sound like Action Bronson lines ([34:24]–[41:32]).
• Bronson judges sample tweets for their “hardness” and poetic flair.
• The section becomes a meta-rap class in the art of Bronson’s spontaneous, surreal imagery.
  • E.g., “Put me and Timothée Chalamet in the Oklahoma drill and I’m putting him in the hospital. Boom. That’s hard.” ([36:25])
  • “Girl, you got the ass of a young Vladi Divac.” ([38:00])

9. Reflections on Happiness and Creative Contradiction

• Conclusion: Pablo finds that what makes Action Bronson’s music joyous is his embodiment of contradiction—deep seriousness mixed with absurdity (“Action Bronson loves a high-stakes scenario decorated with low brow details...” [42:09]).
• Bronson’s worldview, expressed through his music and persona, turns the mundane into the magical, illustrating why he brings listeners delight.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Artistic Purpose:

  • “I didn’t want to talk to you. I painted you something and that’s that.” —Bronson ([03:33])

• On Self-Awareness:

  • “I have to put myself in a hole to dig myself out right now. That’s the zone.” —Bronson ([05:33])

• On New York City:

  • “New York City is the greatest city in the world. That also at times, is aggressively the opposite, which is why it is worth celebrating.” —Pablo ([42:09])

• On Queens:

  • “It’s truly an unbelievable place... It’s somewhere you never, ever, ever have to leave. And you’ve already been everywhere.” —Bronson ([22:30])

• On Body Image:

  • “Why would I want to take away from that calf?” —Bronson ([15:09])

• On Physical Fitness:

  • “I just go hard for an hour and a half... do things I like and then things I hate.” —Bronson ([17:15])

• On Accidental Bronson:

  • “Real life is much crazier than anything that you could script. You know, all the bull that you could conjure up in your mind really isn’t that cool? If you just assess the situation around you real quick. Okay, this is what’s happening.” —Bronson ([35:34])

• On Bathroom Truths:

  • “You don’t really know life until you sit on a warm toilet seat, bro. Everything comes out. You know what I mean?” —Bronson ([29:14])

• Most Bronsonesque Tweet (as judged):

  • “Girl, you got the ass of a young Vladi Divac.” —Pablo (reading), Bronson (endorsing) ([38:00])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro / Espresso banter: [00:37] – [01:30]
• Defining the 'Action Bronson' experience: [03:11] – [05:33]
• Music, imagery, and creative process: [05:33] – [07:13]
• When and why Bronson only wears shorts: [07:43] – [09:14]
• Childhood, fighting, and headbutting: [09:22] – [11:03]
• VHS nostalgia and film talk: [11:28] – [13:46]
• Body, calves, and shin routines: [15:09] – [17:10]
• Fitness philosophy and steroid stories: [17:10] – [20:13]
• Queens as a cultural microcosm: [21:31] – [22:54]
• On sports, heroes, and meeting Mike Tyson: [25:41] – [26:15]
• Bathroom philosophy and home appliances: [29:14] – [31:08]
• ‘Accidental Bronson’ live reading: [34:24] – [41:31]
• Outro, summary, and happiness theme: [42:09] – End

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Tone and Style

• Vivid, improvisational, and conversational, blending coarse humor, deep affection for culture, and philosophical musings on everyday experiences.
• Bronson’s language is colorful, unfiltered, poetic, and very New York; Pablo keeps pace with warmth, curiosity, and nerdy excitement.
• The episode is a live experience of why Bronson’s music “makes us happy”: joyous contradiction, wonder in the mundane, and sincere weirdness.

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For Listeners

If you’ve never heard Action Bronson or want to understand why his music (and personality) radiate such infectious joy, this episode is both primer and celebration—an ode to radical self-expression, unlikely poetry, and embracing the beautifully absurd contradictions of everyday life.
Must-listen moments include Bronson’s breakdown of “Accidental Bronson,” the philosophy of showing off one’s calves, and the surprisingly deep discussion about the value of a good toilet.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out. I am Pablo Torre. And today we're gonna find out what this sound is.

[B]

Doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I mean, I feel like they're tapping into things like that. I would want to say right after.

[A]

This ad, you're listening to Giraffe Kings. Yo, yo.

[B]

What's going on, please? How you feeling, man?

[A]

I'm great. I'm great. Now that you're here, man.

[B]

We here.

[A]

Are you sufficiently stoned enough?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I need an espresso, but can we lower this? Because I don't with this height of the chair. It's like a three quarter chair. I don't like that.

[A]

You approve though. The espresso is all right.

[B]

It's really good. It tastes of vanilla.

[A]

That's what, that's what I chose for you.

[B]

You chose the vanilla one?

[A]

I did.

[B]

I usually wouldn't go for it, but man, wow. Wow.

[A]

A wow from you means a lot to me. Not that I should take credit for whatever. Nespresso, that's your, that's your usual.

[B]

No, I feel like you, you depotted it and then just laid all the. The bean in there for me.

[A]

That's exactly what I did. Thank you for noticing.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

There are some things in the city of New York that feel extraordinarily New York. And as a New York show, Pablo Torre finds out that feels the need to occasionally remind people that, yes, we have a physical studio in Manhattan where we tape our show. I marvel at a person like Ashton Bronson who is oozing New York out of every pore and who is a rapper and an artist and chef and a 30 something, I believe, 39 year old native New Yorker and a host of that's Delicious, a wildly popular show about food. He's a renaissance man in a way that is entirely sincere. And so when I saw him on the sidewalk on one of my many almost entirely random walks through the city, I realized that I had many, many questions that I needed to ask him. What I wasn't sure was whether his particular strain of consciousness would indulge the many questions that I had for him. I knew this was going to be different. And so I just needed to tell him how I felt. I am so glad that you're sitting here.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

For real. Like, I. I was trying to, we were trying to figure out, like, how do we explain to someone who hasn't listened to your music Action Bronson before? And we had a couple of like, well, first off, what do You. When you imagine a listener and appreciator of your music doing when they're listening to you, what do you imagine?

[B]

I don't really give a. To be honest with you. Like, I'm just doing it for myself. I'm not even thinking about like anything else but new things. I'm just in that like I've just come back from a new path. I'm riding a new path. I feel great. It's hard to describe anything. I don't. It's like if I wanted to describe it, I would have talked to you about it. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's like when you paint. I didn't want to talk to you. I painted you something and that's that right now we're in the process of making new music, new breakthroughs. So then I'll be excited having a brand new band and doing things like that. Like. Like the Tiny Desk and like that.

[A]

You know, like that's the though that I've been listening to all week that are crazy, man.

[B]

Oh my God. Sorry for cursing. It's like one of those. Those platforms. When you're respected in music, they bring you on there and I don't know, people seem to really enjoy it. 10 time champ. It's about to be 11. Just understand that I would die for this leather belt, man. Live from the moon.

[A]

I just want to say this very clearly. If you have not listened or learned much about Action Bronson before this interview. Somehow this Tiny Desk concert @ NPR in D.C. yo Nadir behind the glass. One of my guys we were trying to figure out how do we describe this music? And he was like, this music makes me want to ride a horse.

[B]

Yes. My third eye been popping for 8,000 years. I don't got no tears I don't got no fears I don't get caught up in the bright lights, dear. It brings out all the emotions of carnal desires.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Riding horses on beaches naked Just things of that nature like fire Just watching fire burn Watching the ocean roar Boy stay cozy Laying in a bed that's full of roses Sipping Rosie Chilling with some Kobe's on Go Rolly on the phony arm I travel the stars let go B1 but Star wars man. Cause Indiana Jones is better. That's it. That free flowing acid jazz. I'm a jazz instrument Just like a goddamn saxophone or the Rhodes I am, you know, make me cry. So it's definitely reinvigorated me in that manner. But it's. I have to put myself in a hole to dig myself out right now. That's the zone.

[A]

So the zone sounds a little miserable if you're using a hole to describe it.

[B]

No, not really. It's all. It's all. These are all, like, dramatic. I'm being dramatic. It's all dramatization.

[A]

I like how you said earlier, I'm not good at describing things, and I'm like, you, I think, are one of the best describers of things.

[B]

But no, it's not. Because it's not. I'm not trying. I'm not describing it exact. It's a rendition of my exact brain. This is like. It's like the picture behind you. That's what's happening.

[A]

I want to say people have questions like, how do I book this show? I literally ran into you on the street one day. Do you remember this? I don't know if you remember this. On the street, like in SoHo, I ran into you. I think we were both varying levels of stoned, incidentally.

[B]

Yeah. Listen, I love the round the horn. That's how you booked this.

[A]

But then I saw you then. I see you now and it's kind of a fall day in New York, and I guess I should ask, like, when was the last time you wore pants?

[B]

I don't. Probably 15 to 20 years. Last time I put pants on, I had an accident and I never wore them again.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

Just wasn't good. It just wasn't good. It can't be discussed. It can't be discussed, but what I will say that they were never to be touched on my skin again.

[A]

Every time I've ever seen you, you're wearing shorts.

[B]

And they're stretchy so I could squat, so I could work out. I'm not around with stiff shorts, you understand? I'm over here flexible.

[A]

When did you learn that you needed to have stretchy shorts?

[B]

I was a husky child. Everyone needs stretchy shorts. I don't think that anyone should wear a constricting situation. Anything constricting is like. I get, like. Sometimes you get that heat flash that comes over you and you just want to rip everything off. So we're shirt off. I get that a lot. So for me. For me to be able to use the actual agility that I was given by nature and science with, you know, my body construction, it's only right that I put on a material that reflects and echoes all of the property, you.

[A]

Know, I feel like when you were a kid, though, what was that like? What's Young Action Bronson like?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know Like a wild man. Every. Every kid's crazy. I feel in some aspect, you're not even fully conscious. You know, you're just kind of, like, drunk. You're kind of like on s. You don't know what the. Is really going on. You're so like little Bambi ish, you know? So you're just running amok, doing whatever, thinking that there's no consequence on earth. And then, I don't know, one day it just all hits you. You're old and gray. Your balls sag. You know, your ass leaks. Not talking about me, but in general, these things happen. I feel like as I get older, I get more sophisticated. Looking like Sean Connery.

[A]

The gravitas is. Is all over your beard now.

[B]

It's happening. It's happening.

[A]

When you're a kid and someone picks a fight with you, what's the move?

[B]

Headbutt. I'm a headbutter.

[A]

When did you discover that that was your move? That's like a. That's like a zangief move.

[B]

It's like this. You ever watch the movie Gladiator? Of course, but With Brian Dennehy? That one?

[A]

No.

[B]

Cuba Gooding Jr. It was an early underground fighting movie, boxing. And he used to say this was the hardest part of the head. Top of the head, kid. Hardest part of the body. Hurts, don't they, huh?

[A]

What are you going to do now?

[B]

What are you gonna do now? Here he comes.

[A]

Here he comes.

[B]

You never seen Gladiator? Or Brian Dennehy? You kidding me right now? I have this on VHS. Cuba Gooding Jr. Do you know that actor?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

You might have heard of him.

[A]

I wish someone had shown me the VHS tape of Gladiator starring Kuba King.

[B]

Jr. Yeah, it was starring Brian Dennehy.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Cuba Goodening Jr. Had the supporting role, but I had a grandfather, a very good man, who loved his VHS. And that's what he collected. And I have about 3,000 in my house.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

Yeah, that. He left me all kinds of crazy. Seen it all, seen them all.

[A]

What's better about a vhs?

[B]

There's grain. Everything is better about tape. There's some graininess. You have to be a connoisseur to understand it.

[A]

It's like the in between space, the imperfection of it.

[B]

It's that. But it also adds. It gives comfort and warmth in some aspects. Film is just captured different, differently than digital, you know, it's like whatever. Anyone can pick the camera up and make the thing, you know?

[A]

I should point out that you have acted for Martin Scorsese, when you talk about film.

[B]

Yes, I'm accredited as a film actor in the Guild.

[A]

That's right. I mean, you were in the Irishman.

[B]

It's pretty bizarre.

[A]

Can you explain what meeting Martin Scorsese and being directed by Martin Scorsese was like?

[B]

Most of the time people are as stoked as you are to meet them as they are to meet you. So when they.

[A]

He was a fan of yours?

[B]

I don't know if that's the case, but he definitely showed enthusiasm and showed a lot of love and it was nothing but happiness and laughter and, you know, we had a good time. We only did about three takes and that was it.

[A]

What was the role you played for people who are unfamiliar?

[B]

Just some weird, like casket salesman in about the third hour, 10 minute mark. It was a pivotal point. They're like the Cadillacs of caskets now. If we're putting you in the oven, it really doesn't matter what you go in. The cheapest possible particle board. That's it. What are we doing today? Are we doing a cremation?

[A]

I remember distinctly waking up on my couch to the third hour there about Mark and thinking to myself, am I hallucinating Action Bronson into this film with that beard?

[B]

It was bizarre. He asked me to take the beard off. But I, you know, at that point I was like, man, this is like I have like six chins under here. So I'm probably not.

[A]

I'm imagining. I'm imagining your home and I'm imagining the 3000 VHS tapes. I'm imagining your incredibly worn down rewinder.

[B]

You already know there was a rewinder. There has to be. Of course there's no. You can't put your machine through that type of wear and tear. You need a separate rewinder. And it was a Corvette.

[A]

Oh, you know how the Corvette rewinder, the red rewinder. And so if I were to put your brain inside of your Corvette rewinder, what is the memory that comes up that is not actually on tape anywhere but you think of as, oh, this is a core memory that I, Action Bronson have.

[B]

So, I mean, there's so many. I couldn't tell you those. Those are for me. I can't tell you.

[A]

The pants ones in there, isn't there?

[B]

Yeah, no, the pants. With pants. There's no, there's no secret of the pants. I don't wear them. I just don't think that they're nice fashion wise. I don't like to cover my leg. I work hard to get A calf that's some sort of diamond shape. Why would I want to take away from that calf?

[A]

I'm ashamed.

[B]

I like a sock. I like to show the shoe. I like a full. Like, my Is like my. My quadricep is literally out. Fully flexed.

[A]

Yes, yes. Quads out.

[B]

It's quad season. I'm just trying to recover from a sacrilec injury. It's under your, like, ass area, like your nut groin from the back.

[A]

Like, this is. This is.

[B]

It's a very specific area. It's like these muscles that keep the.

[A]

Hamstring n. So that's not like the grundle.

[B]

It's near it.

[A]

Grundle adjacent.

[B]

It's. It's parallel to the grundle. It's running parallel.

[A]

Yep, yep, yep.

[B]

It's in a grid.

[A]

Yep. Almost asymptotic to the grundle. Sort of like always approaching but never touching it.

[B]

No, it runs congruent. Yeah.

[A]

I should point out that your calf philosophy shames me, because I consider the Filipino people. I'm Filipino. To have excellent calves. I consider my calves excellent. I have artwork about the Filipino calf. Wow. This is like a. This is not the first time I pointed this out to a guest. But on the left is, like a standard, like, white guy, you know, just very vertical calf on the right is the Filipino calf, in my view. And I've been told I should wear more shorts.

[B]

You do. You have to show that. You have to show. You have to condition your shin also.

[A]

The shiny.

[B]

The shin bone muscle is very important as well. You have to do the front flex, not only the calf. You can't just do front. You got to do back also.

[A]

So what is a. How do you. How do you. How do you work out your shin?

[B]

You flex your toe upwards. Do you feel that muscle?

[A]

I do.

[B]

Now put it back down. No, no. You doesn't have to go all the way up. No, no, no. Put your leg down. Your leg down. Yeah, right there. Right there. Flex your foot. Now. Really flex it up tight.

[A]

Oh, yeah, There it is.

[B]

Feel that muscle.

[A]

There it is.

[B]

That one.

[A]

What is your workout routine like now?

[B]

I just go hard for an hour and a half, and, you know, I do things that I like doing, and then I do things that I hate doing.

[A]

Give me the thing you love the most. Give me the thing you hate the most.

[B]

I don't really like bench pressing. It's not really like, I don't love that. I love to squat. I love to do, like, Zercher squats with the weight in front of you. I like picking up stones and sandbags and like that. I don't like running. I don't like doing running for long distance.

[A]

You like the world's strongest man?

[B]

I do, but then I also like, like skinny boy. I want to be in shape as well. I like the MMA type of cardio training. I like fighting training. I like that type of. I like to be pushed to the physical limits.

[A]

There's a tattoo you have that I believe is nothing means anything. So the one that you have doesn't mean a thing. Barry Bonds, his season doesn't really mean a thing.

[B]

I was a stupid kid. This is going back to being an idiot. Why did I do that? He had other seasons where he was juiced up, but that was his most juiced up season. I can't wait to get on GH.

[A]

Honestly, Barry Bonds, as soon as I.

[B]

Turn 40, I'm taking GH.

[A]

Barry Bonds, 73 home run season. You have that stat line tattooed on your body. And the growth hormone.

[B]

It wasn't his most impressive average season. You know that well, like 380, right? 375.

[A]

Barry Bonds hit 370 the year after that.

[B]

Exactly. That was more impressive.

[A]

Less all the time.

[B]

Less home runs with 370.

[A]

Yes, yes. Got walked all the time. Was the most feared player in baseball. And by the way, that's how I.

[B]

Stepped to the plate. You put that thing on your elbow guard. When you have that on and you have a dangling earring, who are you.

[A]

To be with just about to headbutt a baseball?

[B]

His head was like his jaw. He had GH face.

[A]

So the GH face. The growth hormone?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you taken steroids before?

[B]

Yeah. 24 years old, I was juiced up. I don't know. I was taking project Juice. My boy was like, you know from. My boy from the neighborhood was getting some juice and we was shooting it up. Shooting up juice.

[A]

Into what part of your body were you shooting up?

[B]

Projects leg, ass cheek, rear delt. Seriously bad. But who knew where this juice was coming from? Could have been canola oil. Could have been whatever. Mazola. I could have been giving myself goddamn project surgery, you know, like bbls.

[A]

Yep, yep, yep, yep. And what would you go do, though, with all of the.

[B]

I would go do ballet, an ice skate. We about to go lift weights, bro. Meathead. Eat turkey. Raw turkey. Rolled in meat. Rolled in raw chicken meat and then rolled in provolone. Isopure. Eas Bill Romanowski.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You understand that's the type. I was taking creatine at 13 years.

[A]

Old, I imagine you now. I imagine young Action Bronson eating a raw turducken. Like John Madden, straight up.

[B]

I mean, turducken is ridiculous, but I.

[A]

Like, does seem a little, like, unholy.

[B]

Well, when it's done right, it's delicious. The idea of just like all that, I think is craziness. That's more for, like. Seems like it started for a party.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Someone wanted to have a party. So like it. Let's do something festive.

[A]

I want to explain to people, I think of you as like the ambassador of Queensland. So I'm from New York. I grew up on 30th and 1st in Manhattan. Friends lived in Queens. All of that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Spent way too much time in, like, the Floral park area growing up.

[B]

The hell were you doing in Floral Park?

[A]

My friend Pietro Dzario lived in Floral Park. Flopo.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Also Woodside. Filipino food.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

How do you explain Queens to people who have not been there?

[B]

It's a. It's a mixture of every single life on Earth in one place. So it's kind of like it's a holy land.

[A]

It is the most diverse place maybe on Earth.

[B]

It is. It is. It's a holy land. I've been a lot of. I couldn't see anywhere else being this diverse. This. That's stacked up other places, but it's not. With all these different cultures, it's truly unbelievable.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's truly an unbelievable place.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's somewhere you never, ever, ever have to leave. And you've already been everywhere.

[A]

So I feel like a lot of people, the export from Queens that they think they're getting is like Kevin James, King of Queens.

[B]

When I think of Queens, I think of coming to America.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's the first thing I think of. And I think that that's a tremendous depiction of Queens.

[A]

That one. You're right.

[B]

That shows Queens in one of the most incredible lights ever. You gotta go to Queens. That's where you're gonna meet one of the most incredible royalty. Literally royalty. He got his face on the money, man. You know, he's rich. He is rich. What? He's got his own money. And baby, when I tell you he's got his own money, I mean the boy has got his own money. You did it this time. You hit the jackpot. That type of.

[A]

Were you on AOL?

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

What was your screen name?

[B]

A Swade 56.

[A]

How'd you get settled on that?

[B]

How did I get settled? It didn't take much. I Just thought of some and that became that my Jersey number was 56 in high school. Like a meathead. And that was it.

[A]

So Ace Suede 56.

[B]

Yep. @[e-mail] net zero oh yeah, the CD.

[A]

Yep, yep. I was on Earthlink.

[B]

Damn. Those are two off brand ones.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

I had this kid in my neighborhood, it was a computer whiz, built the computer and he got me all set up on the. On the compact for Sario.

[A]

Oh yeah, man.

[B]

And then I got to Dell. I didn't have the good. When we had a word processor, I thought we had a computer. I would try to enter launch codes, but it never worked.

[A]

What, what sport did you play? Number 56 football position.

[B]

Bayside High School center and nose guard. Prestige.

[A]

Give me this counting report on you as a player.

[B]

Deceptively quick, hard hitting, long lasting IQ on. Unbelievable. My awareness is a hundred on Madden. So I'm like the field general. I'm the quarterback of the line. I know more than the quarterback does. I question his throws. I question his decision making. Why'd you do that?

[A]

What was the reaction when. When you are questioning what's happening on this team?

[B]

I'm not that type of guy. I would. In my mind I was like, what the was that? You know, I could like throw him under the bus onto the next play.

[A]

Your athletic hero was who?

[B]

My true athletic hero. I don't really know. Who did I look to? Is like, wow. Mike Tyson.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. He captivated me as probably many others.

[A]

Did you ever meet Mike?

[B]

Yeah, he kissed me on the hands.

[A]

I'm sorry, how does that work?

[B]

It's like we kissed each other on hands. Was respect. Just happened. Just happened.

[A]

I feel like Mike Tyson kissing you on the hand is kind of like.

[B]

I don't know, it was crazy.

[A]

Diana Ross kissing you on the vocal.

[B]

Cord, that's pretty heavy duty. But yeah. Yeah, I'd say. So you like Diana Ross?

[A]

I was trying to think of spontaneously who was the person who I'd most value.

[B]

You would want her to kiss you on the vocal cord.

[A]

Yeah. Who's the equivalent of Mike Tyson? M. That's. That's the SAT problem. Mike Tyson is to hands as blank is to. Is to vocal cords.

[B]

Let's see. I don't know. Diana Ross though, I guess.

[A]

Selen Dion.

[B]

N. Not really into her.

[A]

I mean. Stevie Wonder.

[B]

Now that's a vocal cord.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

That's a vocal cord kisser right there. You made a.

[A]

You made a music video though in which you. This is like pre deepfake you edited your face onto the body of Magnus. Her Magnussen.

[B]

Yeah. I might not be able to touch my toes, but I will still these. You take steps to get to the sex. I just flex.

[A]

Can you explain Magnus Ver. Magnus. And for people who don't know the world's strongest man mythology.

[B]

Yeah. Magnus.

[A]

Ver.

[B]

Magnuson is one of the, like, one of the top strong men of the world. I think he won three. He's just one of them in this world. Marius Pujanowski.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yuko Holo. Won it twice.

[A]

Magnus won it four times.

[B]

Magnus won his four.

[A]

91, 94, 95, 96.

[B]

Excuse me, but right now I'm in bulk season. I'm back in bulk season, but not too much bulk. Just enough that when I come down, I'm shredded and it's really showing.

[A]

What does bulking up for? You look like?

[B]

This is it. I'm 275 right now. That's it. Can't allow myself to get over that. Bringing myself down to 2:30. I'm gonna look like Jean Claude Van Damme.

[A]

He's doing a split between two trucks.

[B]

Volvos.

[A]

Volvos.

[B]

Remember that commercial?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

This doesn't look like I'm jacked up in this picture. See, like it's bull. I'm a little bit better now. Leaning forward. I don't look jacked. That's the issue.

[A]

I mean, you're wearing a. A sweater.

[B]

I'm wearing a Dikembe Mutombo jersey under this, bro.

[A]

Are you really sure? Am Nuggets.

[B]

Who else? I mean, yeah, the Hawks, but, yeah, it is.

[A]

It's one of the greatest jerseys of all time. Is Mutumbo Nuggets jersey and the Mutombo Hawks jersey, both great. I once talked to D. Mutombo about his life, and he told me that his house, he had to have special toilets installed because, of course, he's like 72 or whatever.

[B]

It is the importance of a good toilet. I was speaking to my colleague yesterday. You don't really know life until you sit on a warm toilet seat, bro. You literally immediately. And it's like, it's not just a regular. Everything comes out. You know what I mean?

[A]

Can I. Can I bond with you, hopefully about.

[B]

But you know the toilet. You sit down and start spraying something real quick. When you get up, I get up so it doesn't hit me.

[A]

So you don't like the bidet?

[B]

I duck it. I don't let it touch me.

[A]

Oh, come on. What are you doing?

[B]

This is the mist Prior.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh. Oh, oh. This is the pre mist because I guess they moisten the area, but this is the pre mist. I don't let that touch me.

[A]

But under your control. You like a bidet.

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, come on.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

I'm old school. I come from a grandma with no paper. Just a hand. Just a hand.

[A]

Can I. For the podcast audience, action Bronson.

[B]

A grandmother doing this, not me, is.

[A]

Almost like flipping an imaginary pizza with his right hand. My. My most disliked version of a toilet is the toilet with the padded seat.

[B]

That's old school.

[A]

I hate it.

[B]

I mean, that's f. Ing weird when you deflates as soon as you sit on it. Yes, it's weird.

[A]

It's like someone asking you to into a pillow.

[B]

Pull over out the window. If I need to go, it's happening.

[A]

But you like a warm seat. But that's about it.

[B]

Warm seat is definitely a game changer. Cold. Cold floor. Warm seat.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Dual. So you get the dual heat.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Cool feet.

[A]

Shins extended.

[B]

Oh, my God. I mean, I don't know who wears clothes to. But I don't.

[A]

You go full on no matter where.

[B]

If I'm in Kmart, Caldor, wherever.

[A]

Caldor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yo, Caldor. Man, I don't know if kids respect Caldor the way they need to.

[B]

I used to take Caldor to the. To the cleaners.

[A]

What are you doing inside of a Caldor?

[B]

Steal anything. That's, you know, all the paint, take all the home products, the rollers, handheld dustbusters. The red. When that red devil came out. Yes, the dirt devil.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I've had a Dustbuster in my house. I can't even remember when I didn't. Right now, we don't even have a regular vacuum. We have a handheld dustbuster. There's no need either the shark or the dustbuster.

[A]

So, like, the world of roombuzz does not appeal to you? The robots.

[B]

It actually makes me crazy. When they put the thing on, I fucking trip over. It creeps up on you.

[A]

It does.

[B]

You'll be cooking up in some bull.

[A]

I heard a story once about someone falling asleep on their. On their floor. The Roomba comes out. They have long hair. Now they're being murdered by their. By their vacuum.

[B]

I mean, listen, all that we saw Terminator 2. This is what they were talking about. You understand? The machines, Skynet. This is what they were speaking of. Arnold told you already. This was happening. And this is why when they bring the food with the robot, it freaks me the out.

[A]

Yep. You know Yep.

[B]

I don't want to see that. Drop underwear from. Where's it from?

[A]

Drones. Like Amazon drones.

[B]

You drop Amazon underwear. You drop the underwear with the plane. Why you.

[A]

I like to imagine you, like, trying to, like, throw a discus at those drones.

[B]

Discus was one of the best sweatshirts brand that ever lived. One of the best athletic brands that. I don't know what happened to discus, but man, Queens.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You had a discus hoodie or discus, whatever this one is called. You were the one I want to.

[A]

Ask you about a 12 pack of.

[B]

Sunwear shirts in a trunk. Talha. Do you know about these? You know about Talha shirts?

[A]

No.

[B]

It's from the white tea days. Made in Bangladesh.

[A]

So how is a Talha shirt different from, like, the Hanes?

[B]

You know, because it's Talha. Tall tea number 6 XTS.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Weren't you doing. Ooh, I think they like me dances. Laffy Taffy.

[A]

I mean, but this is the.

[B]

The NBA.

[A]

My favorite era of the NBA throwbacks.

[B]

I mean, I don't think I've ever taken a throwback off since they came out. There's no need.

[A]

Have you heard of this Twitter account called Accidental Bronson?

[B]

No.

[A]

I. I don't know if you're going to love this or hate this. Would you be okay with me explaining this to you?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So I was sitting at a New York Liberty game in the second row, right behind courtside, and in front of me was Carmelo Anthony, and I was eating Pocky. You familiar with Pocky?

[B]

Of course. Which flavor?

[A]

Matcha.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Good choice.

[A]

Exactly. Rare. A rare. A rare version of it.

[B]

Did it come from Japan?

[A]

Yes, of course. I'm not around, man.

[B]

Rare snacks, man.

[A]

Rare snacks. Okay, so I'm eating this. This Matcha Green Pocky behind Carmelo Anthony, and I tweet it out, and I just captioned it quietly eating Pocky behind Carmelo Anthony. And a Twitter account which I did not know about till then, titled Accidental Bronson retweets it. I'm like, what the is this?

[B]

Oh, it sounds like something I would say.

[A]

And it's just all of the things that people are tweeting inadvertently, and I'm like, that is exactly a thing that Action Bronson would say.

[B]

It's true. I mean, to think about it like this, real life is much crazier than anything that you could script. You know, all the bull that you could conjure up in your mind really isn't that cool? If you just assess the situation around you real quick. Okay, this is what's happening.

[A]

So you immediately intuitively understood the premise of Accidental Bronson.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Can I show you some other ones that people have?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I. I feel like.

[B]

Go ahead. Go ahead.

[A]

I mean, I just.

[B]

Let's hear it. Let's hear it.

[A]

I feel like you gotta say them, though.

[B]

No, no, no. You have to say it. All right, let me say. Okay, let me say. Let me say it.

[A]

And then you can do that.

[B]

Let me see it.

[A]

You can grade it. Okay. You can grade it. Let me just. I'm going to expand the window on my laptop. I mean, this is going to be a thing because this is a tribute account.

[B]

Okay. So put me in Timothee Chalamet in the Oklahoma drill, and I'm putting them in a hospital. I mean, boom. That's hard.

[A]

That's f ing hard.

[B]

It's all about that type of word. Timothee Chalamet. Chamberlay. Chalamet.

[A]

Chalamet.

[B]

It's a good word. It is a nice name. It flows nicely off the tongue. 12:00am on the Amalfi coast, watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton. Hard.

[A]

So we're gonna do this on binary.

[B]

Scale of hard and not hard because there's different depths of description.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Why are they playing in Edmonton? And it's preseason. There's different depths. There's things that add character to it. Absolutely.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

For sure. Representative George Santos was charged with theft for stealing puppies from an Amish dairy farmer. That's a dud.

[A]

That's just a news story. That was just a news headline.

[B]

Just spilled an entire box of shallots in the backseat of the Uber. That could be a hook. That could definitely be a hook.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

It could be a hook. Young Drazin Petrovich with a great pair of Adidas top Tens. Eh.

[A]

It's the photo of a shirtless young Drazen Petrovic holding sneakers.

[B]

You could just take young Drazan Petrovich with and then put whatever after.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

This is a. This is rap class.

[A]

I I, I am taking notes.

[B]

Girl, you got the ass of a young Vladi Divak. Hell yeah. I With that hog body.

[A]

Divat's a smoking.

[B]

That's right. You mentioned something about that. Or got the ass of a young Vladi Divak. It's heavy. I once mentioned my was thick. Like John Lovitz.

[A]

The critic.

[B]

It's one of my favorite actors. He's thick.

[A]

He is.

[B]

Multiple Cs ashing a sesame bagel like a cigarette in front of a Roomba. That's just an incredible. It is cute. That's a visual, right?

[A]

That's just poetry etching. A sesame bagel.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

That's in front of a Roomba.

[B]

That type of thing that's attached to me. I'm happy about Lizzo. Probably be hitting people in the knee with her flute. Like Tanya Harding. I actually, I just did a show where I was the chief support for incubus in LA, which I don't know is a 18,000 people sold out show.

[A]

It's an incredible sentence.

[B]

All right. Exactly. And Paris Jackson, Michael Jackson, one step away, was in the dressing room next to me. And as we walk out to go do the thing, there's this woman in a tuxedo with a tail. And, you know, she had like very shiny shoes on and she was holding something and Lizzo was the special guest. So she was in front of Lizzo's dressing room holding the flute for her.

[A]

She had a. She had a flute butler, White glove.

[B]

Flute butler, flute, white glove, flute butler. That's a hard line. Also at the bar watching Japanese youth baseball.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

I would word it differently, but yes, it's hard. I'm at the club showing women the Monte Sabonis DHO highlights. I know his father. Yeah, of course I'd be showing his father. That would also be weird.

[A]

Well, some of those lost tapes, though. Not even on vhs. Of vhs.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Being ahead of his time. One of the great pastors of all time. Big men pastors, not me.

[B]

Getting off at Beetlejuice the Musical. I like the premise of this.

[A]

Well, that actually happened to you.

[B]

To who?

[A]

It was representative Lauren Boebert. That security video.

[B]

And Black and White the musical.

[A]

Yeah, I love. I love that I am breaking the news to you that Lauren Boebert gave, like, her data. Hand job at through the Pants at Beetlejuice the musical in, like, Colorado doesn't count. Yeah. Fair.

[B]

What are we in sixth grade? Hand job through the pants. She should be ashamed of herself.

[A]

That was not the takeaway for most people, but I see where you're coming from.

[B]

Doing lines off a Nintendo switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I mean, I feel like they're tapping into things like that. I would want to say we got big men doing cartwheels on our offense. Yeah. Hard. I saw a fox eating sour cream and cheddar. Nah. I like the idea of this, though. Using animals in alliteration.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Is that the right term where they're speaking as human?

[A]

Oh, that's anthropomorphizing. Anthropomorphizing what is alliteration? That's when the words in a row have the same first letter.

[B]

That was totally off.

[A]

Got the letter A, right?

[B]

That was eliteration or alliteration.

[A]

Alliteration.

[B]

What is eliteration?

[A]

I don't think that's a thing.

[B]

I bet you it is. Someone Google that. All right, that's it. I'm getting out of here. I gotta go eat, bro. I'm done.

[A]

Action Bronson, thank you for being.

[B]

Thank you, bro.

[A]

Everything I had hoped for. Can I kiss your hand? No, you're not. But you're gonna hug me, okay?

[B]

You're gonna hug me hard with a gaming rip.

[A]

So what I found out today is why listening to Action Bronson makes me happy. And it's one of the first things I told him, right? Your music makes me feel good. And the reason why it turns out, is because he embodies this contradiction between this abiding, deep seriousness and also the exact opposite, often at the same time. Action Bronson loves a high stakes scenario decorated with low brow details. He makes music for Don Corleone. If Don Corleone also loved the NBA, he is somebody who makes music to listen to while walking around New York City. Because New York City is the greatest city in the world. That also at times, is aggressively the opposite, which is why it is worth celebrating. And so here Pablo Torre finds out. A New York show that has just introduced Action Bronson to Accidental Bronson, reflecting our capacity individually to spontaneously embody this very contradiction, no matter where you are on this planet. We wanted to send you into your weekend, into your wanderings around, wherever you are, with just something to. To listen to.

[B]

12Am on the Amalfi coast. Watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton. Young Drazin Petrovich with a great pair of Adidas Top Tens. Hard girl, you got the ass of a young Vladi Divock. Not me. Getting off at Beetlejuice, the Musical. We're at the bar watching Japanese youth baseball. We got big men doing cartwheels on our offense. Just spilled an entire box of shallow pallets in the backseat of the Uber Ashley accessory bagel. Like a cigarette in front of a Roomba. Yes, and I'm putting them in a hospital doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I could be a hook. I once mentioned my twist. Thick like John Lovitz.

[A]

Multiple Cs.

[B]

All right, that's it. I'm getting out of here. I gotta go eat, bro.

[A]

Hard enough. And on that note, Pablo Torre finds out could not be produced without Michael Antonucci Ryan Cortez Sam Dewey Juan Galindo Patrick Kim Neely Lowman Rachel Miller Howard Ethan Schreier Carl Scott Matt Sullivan Chris Tominello as well as studio engineering by RG Systems Post production by NGW Post Our theme song by John Bravo, as always and for now, we're gonna go on a walk, but we'll talk.