Why Listening to Action Bronson Makes Us Happy (PTFO Vault)

Summary

Pablo Torre Finds Out – "Why Listening to Action Bronson Makes Us Happy" (PTFO Vault)

Podcast: Pablo Torre Finds Out
Host: Pablo Torre (The Athletic)
Guest: Action Bronson
Date: January 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

Pablo Torre sits down with the inimitable Action Bronson—rapper, chef, artist, and renaissance New Yorker—to uncover the magic behind why his music brings listeners so much joy. The conversation weaves through Bronson’s creative mindset, his New York identity, gym habits, oddball memories, and the unique, offbeat philosophy behind both his lyrics and his life. This episode, drawn from the PTFO vault, unpacks Bronson's unapologetic authenticity, revealing the delightful contradictions that make him such a compelling artist and personality.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Essence of Action Bronson’s Music (06:51–09:10)

• On Creating for Himself:

  • Action Bronson explains he doesn't create music with the listener's experience in mind, but for his own gratification and personal breakthroughs.
    • “I don't really give a **** to be honest with you. Like, I'm just doing it for myself… I'm just in that. Like I've just come back from a new path.” (07:12 B)
  • Describes the creative process as "putting myself in a hole to dig myself out," highlighting the catharsis and constant self-challenge of artistry.
    • "It's definitely reinvigorated me… But I have to put myself in a hole to dig myself out right now." (09:01 B)

• How the Music Feels:

  • The music is described as cinematic, free-flowing, “acid jazz,” evoking vibrant imagery, and feeling both dramatic and relaxed.
    • "I'm a jazz instrument. Just like a goddamn saxophone or the Rhodes I am." (09:22 B)
  • Pablo and Bronson attempt to capture the indescribable magic of Action’s sound; a blend of New York edge, playfulness, and surrealism.

2. Being Unapologetically New York (05:31–06:50, 27:13–28:26)

• Discussing New York Roots:

  • Pablo describes Bronson as “oozing New York out of every pore,” contextualizing his energy and references.
  • Action praises Queens as “a mixture of every single life on earth in one place… a holy land.” (27:49 B)
  • Both reminisce about the diversity and comfort found in Queens, with Bronson underscoring Queens’ status as “the most diverse place… on earth.”

• Cultural Touchstones:

  • They riff on “Coming to America” as the iconic depiction of Queens, more so than “King of Queens.”
  • Neighborhood nostalgia, from Caldor and Compuserve to tales of VHS collections and dustbusters (“I have about 3000 [VHS tapes] in my house.” (15:22 B)) builds a tactile sense of place.

3. Style, Comfort, and the Philosophy of Stretchy Shorts (11:08–12:53)

• Bronson on Comfort and Body Image:
  • He hasn't worn pants in 15–20 years, preferring flexible shorts for utilitarian and body-positive reasons.
    • "The last time I put pants on, I had an accident and I never wore them again." (11:21 B)
    • "Everyone needs stretchy shorts… I don't think that anyone should wear a constricting situation." (12:06 B)
  • Relates his style choices to “agility” and “body construction”—melding self-knowledge, comfort, and athletic pride.

4. Childhood, Fighting, and Headbutts (12:53–15:22)

• Childhood Wildness:
  • Bronson recalls being a wild, Bambi-like kid: “You’re just kind of, like, drunk… you don’t know what the **** is really going on.” (12:59 B)
  • On playground scuffles: “Headbutt. I’m a headbutter.” (14:03 B)
  • Cites the movie “Gladiator” (with Brian Dennehy and Cuba Gooding Jr.) as a formative influence on using the "hardest part of the head" in fights.

5. VHS, Cinema, and Meeting Scorsese (15:23–17:59)

• Analog Affection:

  • Bronson expresses a deep nostalgia for VHS tapes, cherishing their “graininess” and imperfection as offering “comfort and warmth.” (15:30–15:42)
  • The transition from analog to digital is framed as a loss of artistry and connoisseurship.

• Film Cameo:

  • Discusses his role in Scorsese’s “The Irishman” as a casket salesman.
  • Meeting Scorsese was filled with “happiness and laughter,” a surprisingly mutual fan moment.
    • “He definitely showed enthusiasm and showed a lot of love. And it was nothing but happiness and laughter.” (16:28 B)

6. Calves, Gym Habits & The Rituals of Physicality (18:15–21:48)

• Leg Pride & Workout Tips:
  • Bronson is emphatic about not covering his “diamond-shaped” calves, encouraging others to “condition your shin also… the shin bone muscle is very important.”
    • “You flex your toe upwards. Do you feel that muscle?” (20:28–20:47)
  • Details his workout: loving squats, stone lifting, and MMA cardio, but hating bench press and long-distance running.

7. Tattoos, Barry Bonds, and PEDs (21:52–24:38)

• Unorthodox Tattoos:

  • Reveals he has the stat line for Barry Bonds’s 73 home run season tattooed on his body, though admits Bonds’s .370 average was more impressive to him.
    • “So the one that you have doesn’t mean a thing. Barry Bonds’ season doesn’t really mean a thing.” (21:54 A, 22:03 B)
  • Admits to youthful steroid use: “Yeah, 24 years old. I was juiced up… we was shooting it up.” (23:09–23:23 B)

• Humor & Honesty:

  • Discusses the absurdity and risk of “Project Juice,” with wry asides about injecting questionable substances.

8. Queensland Internet, Football Glory & Bronx Bomber Tales (29:20–32:00)

• 80s/90s Nostalgia:
  • Swaps tales of AOL screen names (“Ace Suede 56”) and early internet—explaining how his jersey number from Bayside High School became his handle.
  • Offers a tongue-in-cheek self-scouting report as a football center/nose guard: “Deceptively quick, hard-hitting, long lasting IQ… my awareness is 100 on Madden.”
    • “I know more than the quarterback does. I question his throws, I question his decision making.” (30:30–31:10 B)
  • Bronson’s childhood athletic hero: “Mike Tyson… he kissed me on the hands.” (31:39–31:50)

9. Absurdity, Joy, and the Culture of Accidental Bronson (42:06–48:49)

• “Accidental Bronson” Twitter Account:
  • Pablo introduces Bronson to @AccidentalBronson—a social account aggregating tweets that sound like his lyrics.
  • Bronson joins in reading and rating the tweets:
    • “Put me and Timothée Chalamet in the Oklahoma drill and I’m putting them in a hospital.” (44:05 B)
    • “12:00am on the Amalfi Coast. Watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton.” (44:24 A)
    • “Ashing a sesame bagel like a cigarette in front of a Roomba.” (46:04 B)
  • Bronson delights in these odd, poetic non-sequiturs, validating how his influence seeps into pop culture.

10. Everyday Wisdom and Toilet Talk (34:44–37:10)

• Toilet Preferences:

  • A surprisingly endearing dive into toilet ergonomics, bidet skepticism, and the comfort of warm seats.
  • “You don’t really know life until you sit on a warm toilet seat, bro.” (35:04 B)
  • Old school approach: “I come from a grandma with no paper. Just a hand.” (35:55 B)

• Household Gadgets:

  • From Red Devil dustbusters to Roombas (which Bronson distrusts: “I fucking trip over it. It creeps up on you.”), the home is a battleground of tradition vs. technology.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "My third eye been popping for 8,000 years… I travel the stars like Obi Wan, but Star Wars, man, 'cause Indiana Jones is better." (09:02 B)
• "It brings out all the emotions of carnal desires… riding horses, on beaches naked, just things of that nature… watching fire burn, watching the ocean roar." (09:08–09:11 B)
• “I have about 3,000 [VHS tapes] in my house… He left me all kinds of crazy. Seen it all.” (15:22–15:28 B)
• “You flex your toe upwards. Do you feel that muscle?... Do front, you got to do back also.” (20:28–20:46 B)
• “Everyone needs stretchy shorts. I don’t think that anyone should wear a constricting situation.” (12:06 B)
• “So the one that you have doesn’t mean a thing. Barry Bonds’ season doesn’t really mean a thing.” (21:54 A, 22:03 B)
• [On meeting Scorsese:] “He definitely showed enthusiasm and showed a lot of love. And it was nothing but happiness and laughter.” (16:28 B)
• [On being described by “accidental” tweets:] “To think about it like this, real life is much crazier than anything that you could script.” (43:37 B)

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Selected Timestamps for Important Segments

• 05:31 — Pablo introduces Action Bronson as a “physical embodiment of New York.”
• 06:51–09:10 — Bronson on making music for himself and the feeling of his sound.
• 11:08–12:53 — Shorts vs. pants philosophy and childhood comfort wisdom.
• 15:23–17:59 — Deep dive into VHS nostalgia, the analog-digital divide, and Scorsese cameo.
• 18:15–21:48 — Talking calves, flexibility, and a practical gym tutorial.
• 21:52–24:38 — Barry Bonds tattooed stats and stories of personal PED use.
• 27:13–28:26 — Explaining Queens, the "holy land" of New York.
• 42:06–49:10 — “Accidental Bronson” Twitter account and riffing on poetic, surreal everyday moments.
• 35:04 — Warm toilet seat philosophy; blending the sacred and the profane.

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The Takeaway — Why Listening to Action Bronson Makes Us Happy

Pablo Torre sums it up: Action Bronson embodies the contradiction of being deeply serious and totally unfiltered at once, reveling in high-stakes scenarios adorned with lowbrow, day-to-day details. His music and personality are infectious because they’re honest, unapologetic, and endlessly creative—a soundtrack for walking around New York and savoring the absurdity of modern (and specifically New York) life.

As Pablo puts it:
“Action Bronson loves a high stakes scenario decorated with low brow details. He makes music for Don Corleone, if Don Corleone also loved the NBA… He is somebody who makes music to listen to while walking around New York City. Because New York City is the greatest city in the world. That also at times, is aggressively the opposite, which is why it is worth celebrating.” (50:39–51:16 A)

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Episode MVP: Accidental Bronson

The playful reading and rating of the “Accidental Bronson” tweets becomes the centerpiece—it’s improv, poetry, and a testament to Action Bronson’s one-of-a-kind charisma. He is, as the show illustrates, “a Renaissance man in a way that is entirely sincere.”

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

Hello, it's me, Pablo. So we've done doing the math. 327 episodes of Pablo Torre finds out since we launched in September 2023 and it is the end of 2025. And I could not be prouder of our tiny little and extremely overworked newsroom that has created this bizarre sports news magazine show that is television, but also obviously an audio first podcast because we've punched above our weight, I think, especially this year. But the stuff that we did before the previous, you know, hundreds of episodes, we have some favorites that we are now concerned that you maybe have not heard yet or maybe don't realize are even better when you listen to it a second time. And so during the holiday break we're bringing you our favorites from the PTFO vault and we also have a newsletter, by the way, www where I'll be doing some stuff over the holiday break especially. Please subscribe and support our approach to independent sports journalism. But most of all, thank you. Thank you for making this show not just a weird experiment, but a community of people who support the kind of mission that we're on to hold to account. Extraordinarily rich and powerful people while also taste testing, you know, athlete branded weed. We contain multitudes and as does our vault. Please enjoy. Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out. I am Pablo Torre. And today we're going to find out.

[B]

What this sound is doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I mean, I feel like they're tapping into things like that. I would want to say right after.

[A]

This ad.

[C]

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[A]

That hologram trading card.

[B]

One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set. Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams.

[A]

One of a kind.

[C]

Ebay had it.

[B]

And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just beautiful.

[C]

Millions of finds, each with a story. EBay things people love.

[A]

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[B]

What's going on, please? How you feeling, man?

[A]

I'm great. I'm great. Now that you're here, man.

[B]

We're here.

[A]

Are you sufficiently stoned enough?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I need an espresso, but can we lower this because I don't with this height of the chair. It's like a three quarter chair. I don't like that.

[A]

You approve though. This resto's all right.

[B]

It's really good. The taste of vanilla.

[A]

That's what. That's what I chose for you.

[B]

You chose the vanilla one?

[A]

I did.

[B]

I usually wouldn't go for it, but man, wow. Wow.

[A]

A wow from you means a lot to me. Not that I should take credit for whatever. Nespresso Pod. Tahitian.

[B]

Tahitian.

[A]

That's your usual?

[B]

Well, no, I feel like you depotted it and then just laid all the bean in there for me.

[A]

That's exactly what I did. Thank you for noticing.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

There are some things in the city of New York that feel extraordinarily New York. And as a New York show, Pablo Torre finds out that feels the need to occasionally remind people that, yes, we have a physical studio in Manhattan where we tape our show. I marvel at a person like Ashton Bronson who is oozing New York out of every pore and who is a rapper and an artist and chef and a 30 something, I believe, 39 year old native New Yorker and a host of that's Delicious, a wildly popular show about food. He's a renaissance man in a way that is entirely sincere. And so when I saw him on the sidewalk on one of my many almost entirely random walks through the city, I realized that I had many, many questions that I needed to ask him. What I wasn't sure was whether his particular strain of consciousness would indulge the many questions that I had for him. I knew this was going to be different and so I just needed to tell him how I felt. I am so glad that you're sitting here.

[B]

No, thank you.

[A]

For real. Like I, I was trying to. We were trying to figure out like, how do we explain to someone who hasn't listened to your music Action Bronson before? And we had a couple of like. Well, first off, what do you. When you imagine a listener and appreciator of your music doing when they're listening to you? What do you imagine?

[B]

I don't really give a. To be honest with you. Like, I'm just doing it for myself. I'm not even thinking about like anything else but new things. I'm just in that like I've just come back from a new path. I'm riding a new path. I feel great. It's hard to describe anything. I don't. It's like if I wanted to describe it, I would have talked to you about it. You know what I'm saying? Like if it's like when you paint, I didn't want to talk to you. I painted you something and that's that right now we're in the process of making new music, new breakthroughs. So then I'll be excited having a brand new band and doing things like that. Like, like the tiny desk and like that, you know, like that's the though.

[A]

That I've been listening to all week.

[B]

That are crazy, man. Oh my God. Sorry for cursing. It's like one of those, those platforms. When you're respected in music, they bring you on there and I don't know, people seem to really enjoy it. 10 time champ. It's about to be 11. Just understand that I would die for this leather belt, man. Live from the moon.

[A]

I just want to say this very clearly. If you have not listened or learned much About Action Bronson before this interview, somehow this tiny desk concert @ NPR in D.C. see Yo Nadir behind the glass. One of my guys, we were trying to figure out, how do we describe this music? And he was like, this music makes me want to ride a.

[B]

Horse. Yes. My third eye been popping for 8,000 years. I don't got no tears, I don't got no fears I don't get caught up in the bright lights, dear. It brings out all the emotions of carnal.

[A]

Desires.

[B]

Yes. Riding horses, on beaches naked. Just things of that nature like fire. Just watching fire burn, Watching the ocean roar. Boy, stay cozy Laying in the bed that's full of roses Sipping Rosie Chilling with some Kobe's on Go Rolly on the phony arm I travel the stars like Obi Wan But Star wars, man. Cause Indiana Jones is better. That's it. That free flowing acid jazz. I'm a jazz instrument. Just like a goddamn saxophone or the Rhodes I am, you know, make me cry. So it's definitely reinvigorated me in that matter. But it's. I have to put myself in a hole to dig myself out right now. That's the.

[A]

Zone. So the zone sounds a little miserable if you're using a hole to describe.

[B]

It. No, not really. It's all. It's all. These are all like, I'm dramatic, I'm being dramatic. It's all.

[A]

Dramatization. I like how you said earlier, I'm not good at describing things. And I'm like, you, I think are one of the best describers of.

[B]

Things. But no, it's not. Because it's not. I'm not trying. I'm not describing it exact. It's a rendition of my exact brain. This is like. It's like the picture behind you. That's what's.

[A]

Happening. I want to say people have questions like, how do I book this show? I literally ran into you on the street one day. Do you remember this? I don't know if you remember this. On the street, like in SoHo. I ran into you. I think we were both varying levels of stoned.

[B]

Incidentally. Yeah. Listen, I love the round of horn. That's how you booked.

[A]

This. But then I saw you then, I see you now and it's kind of a fall day in New York. And I guess I should ask like, when was the last time you wore.

[B]

Pants? I don't. Probably 15 to 20 years. The last time I put pants on, I had an accident and I never wore them again. What happened just wasn't good. It just wasn't Good. It can't be discussed. It can't be discussed. But what I will say that they were never to be touched on my skin.

[A]

Again. Every time I've ever seen you, you're wearing.

[B]

Shorts. And they're stretchy, so I could squat, so I could work out. I'm not around with stiff shorts, you understand? I'm over here.

[A]

Flexible. When did you learn that you needed to have stretchy.

[B]

Shorts? I was a husky child. Everyone needs stretchy shorts. I don't think that anyone should wear a constricting situation. Anything constricting is like. I get, like. Sometimes you get that heat flash that comes over you and you just want to rip everything off. So shirt off. I get that a lot. So for me. For me to be able to use the actual agility that I was given by nature and science with, you know, my body construction, it's only right that I put on a material that reflects and echoes all of the property, you.

[A]

Know? I feel like when you were a kid, though, what was that like? What's young Action Bronson.

[B]

Like? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Like a wild man. Every. Every kid's crazy. I feel in some aspect, you're not even fully conscious. You know, you're just kind of, like, drunk. You're kind of like on ass. You don't know what the. Is really going on. You're so like little Bambi ish, you know? So you just running amok, doing whatever, thinking that there's no consequence on earth. And then, I don't know, one day it just all hits you. You're old and gray, your balls sag, you know, your ass leaks. Not talking about me, but in general, these things happen. I feel like as I get older, I get more sophisticated, looking like Sean.

[A]

Connery. The gravitas is. Is all over your beard.

[B]

Now. It's happening. It's.

[A]

Happening. When you're a kid and someone picks a fight with you, what's the.

[B]

Move? Headbutt. I'm a.

[A]

Headbutter. When did you discover that that was your move? That's like a. That's like a zangief.

[B]

Move. It's like this. You ever watch the movie Gladiator? Of course, but with Brian Dennehy? That one? No, Cuba Gooding Jr. It was an early underground fighting movie, boxing. And he used to say this was the hardest part of the head. The top of the head, kid. Hardest part of the body. Hurts, don't.

[A]

It? Huh? What are you going to do.

[B]

Now? What are you going to do now? Here he.

[A]

Comes. Here he.

[B]

Comes. You never seen Gladiator Or Brian Dennehy? You kidding me right now? I have this on VHS. Cuba Gooding Jr. Do you know that.

[A]

Actor? Of.

[B]

Course. You might have heard of.

[A]

Him. I wish someone had shown me the VHS tape of gladiator starring Kuba.

[B]

Jr. Yeah, it was starring Brian.

[A]

Dennehy.

[B]

Sorry. Cuba Gooding Jr. Had the supporting role. But I had a grandfather, a very good man, who loved his VHS. And that's what he collected and have about 3,000 in my.

[A]

House. Holy.

[B]

Sh. Yeah, that. He left me all kinds of crazy. Seen it all, seen them.

[A]

All. What's better about a.

[B]

Vhs? There's grain. Everything is better about tape. There's some graininess. You have to be a connoisseur to understand.

[A]

It. It's like the in between space, the imperfection of.

[B]

It. It's that. But it also adds. It gives comfort and warmth in some aspects. Film is just captured different, differently than digital, you know, it's like whatever. Anyone could pick the camera up and make the thing, you.

[A]

Know. I should point out that you have acted for Martin Scorsese when you talk about.

[B]

Film. Yes, I'm accredited as a film actor in the.

[A]

Guild. That's right. I mean, you were in the.

[B]

Irishman. It's pretty.

[A]

Bizarre. Can you explain what meeting Martin Scorsese and being directed by Martin Scorsese was.

[B]

Like? Most of the time, people are as stoked as you are to meet them as they are to meet you. So when.

[A]

They. He was a fan of.

[B]

Yours? I don't know if that's the case, but he definitely showed enthusiasm and showed a lot of love. And it was nothing but happiness and laughter. And, you know, we had a good time. We only did about three takes and that was.

[A]

It. What was the role you played for people who are.

[B]

Unfamiliar? Just some weird, like, casket salesman in about the third hour, 10 minute mark. It was a pivotal point. They're like the Cadillacs of caskets now. If we're putting you in the oven, it really doesn't matter. What you go in the cheapest possible particle board. That's it. What are we doing today? Are we doing a.

[A]

Cremation? I remember distinctly waking up on my couch to the third hour, thereabout mark. And thinking to myself, am I hallucinating? Action Bronson into this film with that.

[B]

Beard. It was bizarre. He asked me to take the beard off. But I. You know, at that point I was like, man, this is like. I have like six chins under here, so I'm probably not I'm imagining.

[A]

I'm imagining your home and I'm imagining the 3000 VHS tapes. I'm imagining your incredibly worn down.

[B]

Rewinder. You already know there was a rewinder. There has to be. Of course there's no, you can't put your machine through that type of wear and tear. You need a separate rewinder. And it was a Corvette. Oh, you know, I had the.

[A]

Corvette rewinder, the red rewinder. And so if I were to put your brain inside of your Corvette rewinder, what is the memory that comes up that is not actually on tape anywhere but you think of as, oh, this is a core memory that I, Action Bronson, have so.

[B]

Happening. So many. I couldn't tell you those. Those are for me. I can't tell you the pants ones in.

[A]

There. Isn't.

[B]

There? Yeah, no, the pants. With pants. There's no, there's no secret of the pants. I don't wear them. I just don't think that they're nice, fashion wise. I don't like to cover my leg. I work hard to get a calf that has some sort of diamond shape. I, I, I want to take away from that.

[A]

Calf. I'm.

[B]

Ashamed. I like a sock. I like to show the shoe. I like a full, like, my is like my, my quadricep is literally out. Fully.

[A]

Flexed. Yes, yes. Quads.

[B]

Out. It's a quad season. I'm just trying to recover from a sacroiliac injury. It's under your, like, ass area. Like you're not groin from the.

[A]

Back. Like, this is, this is a very specific.

[B]

Area. It's like these muscles that keep.

[A]

Them hamstring N. So that's not like the.

[B]

Grundle. It's near.

[A]

It. Grundle.

[B]

Adjacent. It's, it's parallel to the grundle. It's running.

[A]

Parallel. Yep, yep.

[B]

Yep. It's in a.

[A]

Grid. Yep. Almost asymptotic to the grundle. Sort of like always approaching but never touching.

[B]

It. No. It runs congruent.

[A]

Yeah. I should point out that your calf philosophy shames me because I consider the Filipino people. I'm Filipino. To have excellent calves. I consider my calves excellent. I have artwork about the Filipino calf. This is like a, this is not the first time I pointed this out to a guest. But on the left is like a standard, like, white guy, you know, just very vertical calf on the right is the Filipino calf, in my view. And I've been told I should wear more.

[B]

Shorts. You do. You have to show that. You have to show you have to condition your shin also. The shiny, the shin bone muscle is very important as well. You have to do the front flex, not only the calf. You can't just do front. You got to do back.

[A]

Also. So what is a. How do you. How do you. How do you work out your.

[B]

Shin? You flex your toe upwards. Do you feel that.

[A]

Muscle? I.

[B]

Do. Now put it back down. No, no, you doesn't have to go all the way up. No, no. Put your leg down. Your leg down here. Right there, right there. Flex your foot now. Really flex it up.

[A]

Tight. Oh, yeah, there it.

[B]

Is. Feel that.

[A]

Muscle. There it is, that one. What is your workout routine like.

[B]

Now? I just go hard for an hour and a half and, you know, I do. I do things that I like doing and then I do things that I hate.

[A]

Doing. Give me the thing you love the most. Give me the thing you hate the.

[B]

Most. I don't really like bench pressing. It's not really like I don't love that. I love to squat. I love to do, like Zerchertra squats with the weight in front of you. I like picking up stones and sandbags and like that. I don't like running. I don't like doing running for long.

[A]

Distance. You like the world's strongest.

[B]

Man? I do. But then I also like skinny boy. I want to be in shape as well. I like the MMA type of cardio training. I like fighting training. I like that type of. I like to be pushed to the physical.

[A]

Limits. There's a tattoo you have that.

[B]

I believe is nothing means.

[A]

Anything. So the one that you have doesn't mean a thing. Barry Bonds, his season doesn't really mean a.

[B]

Thing. I was a stupid kid. This is going back to being an idiot. Why did I do that? He had other seasons where he was juiced up, but that was his most juiced up season. I can't wait to get on.

[A]

GH. Honestly, Barry Bonds, as soon as.

[B]

I turn 40, I'm taking.

[A]

GH. Barry Bonds 73 home run season. You have that stat line tattooed on your.

[B]

Body. And the growth hormone wasn't his most impressive average season. You know that well, like 380, right?

[A]

375. Barry Bonds hit 370 the year after.

[B]

That. Exactly. That was more.

[A]

Impressive. Less home runs all the.

[B]

Time. Less home runs with.

[A]

370. Yes, yes. Got walked all the time. Was the most feared player in baseball. And by the way, that's how.

[B]

I stepped to the plate. You put that thing on your elbow guard when you have that on and you have a dangling earring. Who are you to be with.

[A]

Just about to headbutt a.

[B]

Baseball? His head was. His jaw. He had GH.

[A]

Face. So the GH face, the growth.

[B]

Hormone.

[A]

Yeah. Have you taken steroids.

[B]

Before? Yeah. 24 years old. I was juiced up. I don't know. I was taking Project Juice. My boy was like, you know from. My boy from the neighborhood was getting some juice and we was shooting it up. Shooting up.

[A]

Juice? Into what part of your body were you shooting up Project.

[B]

Juice? Leg, ass cheek, rear delt. Seriously bad. But who knew where this juice was coming from? Could have been canola oil, could have been whatever. Mazzola. I could have been giving myself goddamn project surgery. You know, like.

[A]

Bbls. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And what would you go do though, with all of.

[B]

The. I would go do ballet, an ice skate. We might go lift weights, bro. Meathead. Eat turkey. Raw turkey. Rolled in meat, Rolled in raw chicken meat and then rolled in provolone. ISO pure eas. Bill.

[A]

Romanowski.

[B]

Yes. You understand that's the type. I was taking creatine at 13 years.

[A]

Old. I imagine you now. I imagine young Action Bronson eating a raw turducken like John Madden, straight.

[B]

Up. I mean, turducken is ridiculous, but.

[A]

I like, does seem a little like.

[B]

Unholy. Well, when it's done right, it's delicious. The idea of just like all that, I think is craziness. That's more for like, seems like it started for a.

[A]

Party. That's.

[B]

Right. Someone wanted to have a party. So like it. Let's do something.

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[C]

Vary. Okay, I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay, where I go for all kinds of things I love. And there it.

[A]

Was. That hologram trading.

[B]

Card. One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set. Shiny like the designer handbag of my.

[A]

Dreams. One of a.

[C]

Kind. Ebay had.

[B]

It. And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just.

[C]

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[B]

Entered.

[C]

Energize. Find your focus. Relax, calm, or drift to sleep. Start [e-mail].

[A]

Moods. I want to explain to people I think of you as like the ambassador of Queens. So I'm from New York. I grew up on 30th and 1st in Manhattan. Friends lived in Queens, all of.

[B]

That.

[A]

Yeah. Spent way too much time in, like, the Floral park area growing.

[B]

Up. The hell were you doing in Floral.

[A]

Park? My friend Pietro d' Azario lived in Floral Park.

[B]

Flopo.

[A]

Okay. Also Woodside. Filipino.

[B]

Food. Oh.

[A]

Yeah. How do you explain queens to people who have not been.

[B]

There? It's a mixture of every single life on earth in one place. So it's kind of like it's a holy.

[A]

Land. It is the most diverse place maybe on.

[B]

Earth. It is. It is. It's a holy land. I've been a lot of. I couldn't see anywhere else being this diverse. I this. That stacked up other places, but it's not. With all these different cultures, it's truly.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[B]

Yes. It's truly an unbelievable.

[A]

Place.

[B]

Yes. It's somewhere you never, ever, ever have to leave. And you've already been.

[A]

Everywhere. So I feel like a lot of people, the export from Queens that they think they're getting is like Kevin James, King of.

[B]

Queens. When I think of Queens, I think of coming to.

[A]

America.

[B]

Yes. That's the first thing I think of. And I think that that's a tremendous depiction Of.

[A]

Queens. That one, you're.

[B]

Right. That shows Queens in one of the most incredible lights ever. You gotta go to Queens. That's where you're gonna meet one of the most incredible.

[A]

Royalty. You go back.

[B]

To literally royalty. He got his face on the money, man. You know he's rich. He is.

[A]

Rich.

[B]

What? He's got his own money. And baby, when I say he's got his own money, I mean the boy has got his own money. You did it this time. You hit the jackpot. That type of.

[A]

Sh. Were you on.

[B]

AOL? Hell.

[A]

Yeah. What was your screen.

[B]

Name? A suede.

[A]

56. How'd you get settled on.

[B]

That? How did I get settled? It didn't take much. I just thought of some and that became that my Jersey number was 56 in high school, like a meathead. And that was.

[A]

It. So Ace Suede.

[B]

56. Yep. @[e-mail] net zero oh yeah, the.

[A]

CD. Yep, yep. I was on.

[B]

Earthlink. Damn. Those are two off brand.

[A]

Ones.

[B]

Absolutely. I had this kid in my neighborhood, it was a computer whiz, built the computer and he got me all set up on the compact.

[A]

Presario. Oh yeah.

[B]

Man. And then I got the Dell. I didn't have the good. When we had a word processor, I thought we had a computer. I would try to enter launch codes, but it never.

[A]

Worked. What sport did you play? Number 56 football.

[B]

Position? Bayside High school center and nose guard.

[A]

Prestige. Give me the scouting report on you as a.

[B]

Player. Deceptively quick, hard hitting, long lasting IQ on. Unbelievable. My awareness is a hundred, 100 on Madden. So I'm like the field general. I'm the quarterback of the line. I know what the. I know more than the quarterback does. I question his throws, I question his decision making. Why'd you do.

[A]

That? What was the reaction when. When you are questioning what's happening on this.

[B]

Team? I'm not that type of guy. I would. In my mind I was like, what the was that? You know, I could like throw him under the bus onto the next.

[A]

Play. Your athletic hero was.

[B]

Who? My true athletic hero. I don't really know. Who did I look to? Is like, wow, Mike.

[A]

Tyson.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. He captivated me as probably many.

[A]

Others. Did you ever meet.

[B]

Mike? Yeah, he kissed me on the.

[A]

Hands. I'm sorry, how does that.

[B]

Work? It's like we kissed each other on hands. Was respect. Just happened. Just.

[A]

Happened. I feel like Mike Tyson kissing you on the hand is kind of.

[B]

Like. I don't know, it was.

[A]

Crazy. Diana Ross Kissing you on the.

[B]

Vocal cord, that's pretty heavy duty, but yeah. Yeah, I'd say. So you like Diana.

[A]

Ross? I was trying to think of spontaneously, who is the person who I'd.

[B]

Most value to kiss you on the vocal.

[A]

Cord. Yeah. Who's the equivalent of Mike Tyson? That's. That's the SAT problem. Mike Tyson is to hands as blank is to vocal.

[B]

Cords. M. Let's see. I don't know. Diana Ross, though, I.

[A]

Guess. Celine.

[B]

Dion? Nah, not really into.

[A]

Her. I mean, Stevie.

[B]

Wonder. Now that's a vocal.

[A]

Cord.

[B]

Absolutely. That's a vocal cord kisser right.

[A]

There. You made a. You made a music video, though, in which you. This is like pre deep fake. You edited your face onto the body of Magnus.

[B]

Magnuson.

[A]

Yeah. Can you explain Magnus Ver. Magnus. And for people who don't know the world's strongest man.

[B]

Mythology. Yeah. Magnus Ver. Magnuson is one of the, like, one of the top strong men of the world. I think he won three. He's just one of them in this world. Marius.

[A]

Pujianowski.

[B]

Yes. Yuko. Hola. Won it.

[A]

Twice. Magnus won it four.

[B]

Times. Magnus won it.

[A]

Four. 91. 94, 95.

[B]

96. Excuse me, but right now I'm in bulk season. I'm back in bulk season, but not too much bulk. Just enough that when I come down, I'm shredded and it's really.

[A]

Showing. What does bulking up for? You look.

[B]

Like? This is it. 275 right now. That's it. Can't allow myself to get over that. Bringing myself down to 230. I'm gonna look like Jean Claude Van.

[A]

Damme. He's doing a split between two.

[B]

Trucks.

[A]

Volvos.

[B]

Volvos. Remember that.

[A]

Commercial? Of.

[B]

Course. This doesn't look like I'm jacked up in this picture. See, like it's bullet. I'm a little bit better now. Leaning forward. I don't look jacked. That's the.

[A]

Issue. I mean, you're wearing a.

[B]

Sweater. I'm wearing a Dikembe Mutombo jersey. Under this.

[A]

Bro. Are you.

[B]

Really? I sure.

[A]

Am.

[B]

Nuggets? Who else? I mean, yeah, the Hawks, but yeah, it.

[A]

Is. It's one of the greatest jerseys of all time is Mutumbo Nuggets jersey.

[B]

And the Mutumbo Hawks jersey, both.

[A]

Great. I once talked to D. Mutumbo about his life and he told me that his house, he had to have special toilets installed because, of course, he's like 72 or.

[B]

Whatever. It is, the importance of a good toilet. I was speaking to my colleague yesterday. You don't really know life until you sit on a warm toilet seat, bro. You literally immediately. And it's like, it's not just a regular. Everything comes out. You know what I.

[A]

Mean? Can I. Can I bond with you hopefully.

[B]

About. But you know the toilet. You sit down and start spraying something real quick. When you get up, I get up so it doesn't hit.

[A]

Me. So you don't like the.

[B]

Bidet. I duck it. I don't let. I don't let it touch.

[A]

Me. Oh, come on. What are you.

[B]

Doing? This is the mist.

[A]

Prior.

[B]

Oh. Oh. This is the pre mist because I guess they moisten the area, but this is the pre mist. I don't let that touch.

[A]

Me. But. But under your control. You like a.

[B]

Bidet.

[A]

No. Oh, come.

[B]

On. No, no.

[A]

No. What are you.

[B]

Doing? I'm old school. I come from a grandma with no paper. Just a hand. Just a.

[A]

Hand. Can I. For the podcast audience, action.

[B]

Bronson. A grandmother doing this, not me.

[A]

Is almost like flipping an imaginary pizza with his right hand. My. My most disliked version of a toilet is the toilet with the padded.

[B]

Seat. That's old.

[A]

School. I hate.

[B]

It. I mean, that's f. Weird when you. It deflates as soon as you sit on it. Yes, it's.

[A]

Weird. It's like someone asking you to. Into a.

[B]

Pillow. Pull over. I'll out the window if I need to go. It's.

[A]

Happening. But you like a warm seat. But that's about.

[B]

It. A warm seat is definitely a game changer. Cold. Cold floor. Warm.

[A]

Seat.

[B]

Yes. Dual. So you get the dual.

[A]

Heat. Yup. Cool feet, shins.

[B]

Extended. Oh, my God. I mean, I don't know who wears clothes to, but I.

[A]

Don'T. You go full on no matter.

[B]

Where. If I'm in Kmart. Caldor.

[A]

Wherever.

[B]

Caldor.

[A]

Yeah. Yo, Caldor. Man. I don't know if kids respect Caldor the way they need.

[B]

To. I used to take Caldor to. To the.

[A]

Cleaners. What are you doing inside of a.

[B]

Caldor? Steal anything that's, you know, all the paint, take all the home.

[A]

Products. The rollers, handheld.

[B]

Dustbusters. The red. When that red devil came out. Yes, the Dirt.

[A]

Devil.

[B]

Yep. I've had a dust buster in my house. I can't even remember when I didn't. Right now, we don't even have a regular vacuum. We have a handheld dustbuster. There's no need either the shark or the dust.

[A]

Buster. So, like, the world of roombuzz does not appeal to you? The.

[B]

Robots. It actually makes me crazy when they put the thing on. I fucking trip over. It creeps up on.

[A]

You. It.

[B]

Does. You'll be cooking up in some.

[A]

Bull. I heard a story once about someone falling asleep on their. On their floor. The Roomba comes out, they have long hair. Now they're being murdered by their. By their.

[B]

Vacuum. I mean, listen, all that we saw Terminator 2. This is what they were talking about. You understand? The machines, Skynet. This is what they were speaking of. Arnold told you already this was happening. And this is why when they bring the food with the robot, it freaks me the.

[A]

Out.

[B]

Yep. You know. Yeah, I don't want to see that. Drop underwear from. Where's it.

[A]

From? Drones. Like.

[B]

Amazon. Drones drop Amazon underwear. You drop the underwear with the plane.

[A]

Why? I like to imagine you like trying to like throw a discus at those.

[B]

Drones. Discus was one of the best sweatshirts brand that ever lived. One of the best athletic brands that. I don't know what happened to discus, but man.

[A]

Queens.

[B]

Yes. You had a discus hoodie or discus, whatever this one is called. You were the.

[A]

One. I want to ask you about.

[B]

A 12 pack of sunwear shirts in a trunk. Talha. Do you know about these? You know about Talha.

[A]

Shirts?

[B]

No. It's from the YT days. Made in.

[A]

Bangladesh. So how is a Talha shirt different from like the.

[B]

Hanes? You know, because it's Talha. Tall tea number 6.

[A]

XTS. Of.

[B]

Course. Weren't you doing. Ooh, I think they like me dances. Laffy.

[A]

Taffy. I mean but this is the. The NBA. My favorite era of the.

[B]

NBA. Throwbacks. I mean I don't think I've ever taken a throwback off since they came out. There's no.

[C]

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[A]

Love. And there it was, that hologram trading.

[B]

Card. One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set. Shiny like the designer handbag of my.

[A]

Dreams. One of a.

[C]

Kind. Ebay had.

[B]

It. And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just.

[C]

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[A]

[e-mail]. Have you heard of this Twitter account called Accidental.

[B]

Bronson?

[A]

No. I. I don't know if you're gonna love this or hate this, but would you be okay with me explaining this to.

[B]

You?

[A]

Sure. So I was sitting at a New York Liberty game in the second row, right behind courtside, and in front of me was Carmelo Anthony, and I was eating Pocky. You familiar with.

[B]

Pocky? Of course. Which.

[A]

Flavor?

[B]

Matcha.

[A]

Nice. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Good.

[A]

Choice. Exactly. A rare. A rare. A rare version of.

[B]

It. Did it come from.

[A]

Japan? Yes, of course. I'm not around.

[B]

Man. Rare snacks.

[A]

Man. Rare snacks. Okay, so I'm eating this. This Matcha Green Pocky behind Carmelo Anthony, and I tweet it out, and I just caption it quietly eating Pocky behind Carmelo Anthony. And a Twitter account, which I did not know about till then, titled Accidental Bronson, retweets it, and I'm like, what the is.

[B]

This? Oh, it sounds like a. Like something I would.

[A]

Say. And it's just all of the things that people are tweeting inadvertently, and I'm like, that is exactly a thing that Action Bronson would.

[B]

Say. It's true. I mean, to think about it like this, real life is much crazier than anything that you could script. You know, all the bull that you could conjure up in your mind, really isn't that cool? If you just assess the situation around you real quick, like, okay, this is what's.

[A]

Happening. So you immediately intuitively understood the premise of Accidental.

[B]

Bronson. I get.

[A]

It. Can I show you some other ones that people.

[B]

Have?

[A]

Sure. I. I feel.

[B]

Like. Go ahead. Go ahead. I mean, I just hear it. Let's hear.

[A]

It. I feel like you gotta say them.

[B]

Though. Nah, nah, nah. You have to say it. All right, let me say.

[A]

It.

[B]

Okay. Let me say. Let me say.

[A]

It. And then you can do.

[B]

That. Let me see.

[A]

It. You can grade it. Ok. You can grade it. Let me just. I'm going to expand the window on my laptop. I mean, this is going to be a thing because this is a tribute.

[B]

Account. Ok. So put me and Timothee Chalamet in the Oklahoma drill and I'm putting them in a hospital. I mean, boom. That's.

[A]

Hard. That's.

[B]

Hard. It's all about that type of word. Timothee Chalamet. Chamalay.

[A]

Chalamet.

[B]

Chalamet. It's a good.

[A]

Word. It.

[B]

Is. It's a nice name. It flows nicely off the tongue. 12:00am on the Amalfi Coast. Watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton.

[A]

Hard. So we're gonna do some binary.

[B]

Scale of hard and not hard because there's different depths of.

[A]

Description.

[B]

Yes. Why are they playing in Edmonton? And it's preseason. There's different depths. There's things that add character to.

[A]

It. Absolutely.

[B]

Absolutely. For sure. Representative George Santos was charged with theft for stealing puppies from an Amish dairy farmer. That's a.

[A]

Dud. That's just a news story. That was just a news.

[B]

Headline. Just spilled an entire box of shallots in the backseat of the Uber. That could be a hook. That could definitely be a.

[A]

Hook. That's pretty good. That's pretty.

[B]

Good. It could be a hook. Young Drazen Petrovic with a great pair of Adidas top.

[A]

Tens. It's the photo of a shirtless young Drazen Petrovich holding.

[B]

Sneakers. You could just take young Drazen Petrovich with and then put whatever.

[A]

After.

[B]

Yep. This is a. This is rap.

[A]

Class. I I, I am taking.

[B]

Notes. Girl. You got the ass of a young Vladi Divak. Hell yeah. I with that.

[A]

Hard. Vladi Divak's a.

[B]

Smoking. That's right. I would probably mention something about that. Or got the ass of a young Vladi Divak. It's heavy. I once mentioned my was thick like Jon.

[A]

Lovitz. Mmm. The.

[B]

Critic. It's one of my favorite actors. He's.

[A]

Thick. He is. Multiple.

[B]

Cs. Ashing a sesame bagel like a cigarette in front of a Roomba. That's just an incredible cute. That's a visual right.

[A]

There. That's just poetry. Ashing a sesame.

[B]

Bagel. I love.

[A]

That. That's in front of a.

[B]

Roomba. That type of thing that's attached to me. I'm happy about Lizzo. Probably be hitting people in the knee with her flute. Like Tonya Harding. I actually I just did a show where I was the chief support for incubus in LA, which I don't know is a 18,000 people sold out.

[A]

Show. It's an incredible.

[B]

Sentence. All right. Exactly. And Paris Jackson, Michael Jackson, one step away, was in the dressing room next to me. And as we walk out to go do the thing, there's this woman in a tuxedo with the tail. And, you know, she had, like, very shiny shoes on and she was holding something. And Lizzo was the special guest. So she was in front of Lizzo's dressing room holding the flute for.

[A]

Her. She had a. She had a flute.

[B]

Butler. White glove. Flute, flute, white glove, flute butler. That's a hard line. Also at the bar watching Japanese youth.

[A]

Baseball.

[B]

Absolutely. I would word it differently, but yes, it's hard. I'm at the club showing women the Monte Sabonis DHO highlights. I know his father. Yeah, of course I'd be showing his father. That would also be.

[A]

Weird. Well, some of those lost tapes, though, not even on VHS of.

[B]

This. Oh.

[A]

Yes. Being ahead of his time. One of the great pastors of all time. Big men pastors, not.

[B]

Me. Getting off at Beetlejuice the Musical. I like the premise of.

[A]

This. Well, that actually happened to.

[B]

You. To.

[A]

Who? It was representative Lauren Boebert. That security video and black and white the musical. Yeah, I. I love that. I am breaking the news to you that Lauren Boebert gave, like, her data. Hand job at do the pants at Beetlejuice the Musical in, like, Colorado doesn't count. Yeah.

[B]

Fair. What are we in sixth grade? Hand job through the pants. She should be ashamed of.

[A]

Herself. That was not the takeaway for most people, but I see where you're coming.

[B]

From. Doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I mean, I feel like they're tapping into things like that. I would want to say we got big men doing cartwheels on our offense. Yeah. Hard. I saw fox eating sour cream and cheddar. Nah. I like the idea of this, though. Using animals in.

[A]

Alliteration.

[B]

Yes. Is that the right term where they're speaking as.

[A]

Human? Oh, that's anthropomorphizing.

[B]

Anthropomorphizing. What is.

[A]

Alliteration? That's when the words in a row have the same first.

[B]

Letter. That was totally.

[A]

Off. Got the letter A.

[B]

Right. That was eliteration or.

[A]

Alliteration.

[B]

Alliteration. What is.

[A]

Eliteration? I don't think that's a.

[B]

Thing. I bet you it is. Someone Google that. All right, that's it. I'm getting out of Here. I gotta go eat, bro. I'm.

[A]

Done. Action Bronson, thank you for being everything I had hoped for. Can I kiss your hand? No, you're not. But you're gonna hug me.

[B]

Okay? You're gonna hug me hard. When he gave.

[A]

Me. So. What I found out today is why listening to Action Bronson makes me happy. And it's one of the first things I told him, right? Your music makes me feel good. And the reason why it turns out, is because he embodies this contradiction between this abiding deep seriousness and also the exact opposite, often at the same time. Action Bronson loves a high stakes scenario decorated with low brow details. He makes music for. For Don Corleone. If Don Corleone also loved the NBA, he is somebody who makes music to listen to while walking around New York City. Because New York City is the greatest city in the world. That also at times, is aggressively the opposite, which is why it is worth celebrating. And so here Pablo Torre finds out. A New York show that has just introduced Action Bronson to Accidental Bronson, reflecting our capacity individually to spontaneously embody this very contradiction. No matter where you are on this planet, we wanted to send you into your weekend, into your wanderings around, wherever you are, with just something to. To listen.

[B]

To. 12am on the Amalfi coast. Watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton. Young Drazen Petrovich with a great pair of Adidas top tens. Hard Girl, you got the ass of a young Vladi Divock. Not me getting off that Beetlejuice the Musical. We're at the bar watching Japanese youth baseball. We got big men doing cartwheels on our offense. Just spilled an entire box of shackles pallets in the backseat of the Uber Ashley accessory bagel. Like a cigarette in front of a Roomba. Yes, and I'm putting them in a hospital doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, it could be a hook. I once mentioned my twistic like John.

[A]

Lovitz. Multiple.

[B]

Cs. All right, that's it. I'm getting out of here. I gotta go eat.

[A]

Bro. Hard and not hard and not hard. This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out a Meadowlark Media production and I'll talk to you next.

[C]

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[e-mail]. Acast powers the World's Best Podcasts.

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Here's a show that we.

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Recommend Greetings Adventurers is the longest running Dungeons and Dragons actual play, a comedy podcast that has been putting out episodes each and every week since.

[C]

2012. And we think you'd love it. But don't take our word for it. Take.

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Theirs. The thing I love most about Greetings Adventures is the interactive.

[A]

Community. I've been listening for 10 years and now I'm a sophomore in college.

[B]

The only podcast I've ever listened to for that long. Like there's nothing better. There's no limit on what might.

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Happen, so just be prepared. Top tier comedy right here. The best representation of sitting around with a group of idiots playing D.

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And D. And it's not something you're just watching, it's something that you're.

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Experiencing. Download Greetings Adventurers wherever you listen to.

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Podcasts. Can't wait to see the next episode. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts.

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Everywhere. Acast.com when you reach a certain.

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