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Foreign. Hey there. It's been 36 days since I last recorded an episode, so welcome back to Poppy Killed Mommy. My name is Nikki, and I'm the daughter of a murdered woman. I think this might be one of the most honest episodes I've ever done, because this was not planned. Only this morning did I plan on coming in here. And this has been an expedited process all day. And I'm doing it because of big news and to let you know that, like, I'm tired and I'm admitting it here. I'm not tired of fighting for my mom, and I'm not tired of wanting justice. I'm just tired of living inside the story every single day. I'm tired of being obsessed. But let's catch you up on the highs and lows of the last 36 days, because a lot has happened. First off, Today is Sunday, May 17th. That means there are officially 12 days until CrimeCon Las Vegas. And this year is shaping up to be completely different than last year. Last year, I showed up on a hope and a prayer that somebody might care about my mom's story. But this year, I'm walking in, strutting with media coverage from multiple major publications. I got a booth, merch, framed articles. I got supporters coming from around the country. And somehow, somehow I'm actually going to be on stage with Crime Weekly. Boom. Mic drop. If it wasn't attached to this arm. Boom, boom, Boom. It's insane to even say out loud that I'm going to be on stage with Crime Weekly, but I do have the schedule now. I will be on Stage on Friday, May 29, at 4:15. I'll be appearing live with Crime Weekly at Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas. But if you're not familiar with CrimeCon and you have no idea what we're talking about, which, I don't know, it's probably hard to think. But if you don't, this isn't some tiny little hotel conference room with 20 people in folding chairs. CrimeCon is basically the super bowl of true crime. Thousands of people attend every year. Major creators, podcasters, victims, families, detectives, journalists, television personalities, huge ballroom sessions and live podcast recordings. Massive creator rows. The whole thing is enormous. The fact that I went from sitting in my room five years ago crying on my phone on TikTok, to standing on a Crime Weekly stage in Vegas is like, wow. I don't even know how to process it. And it hasn't stopped me from gearing up hard for CrimeCon. I ordered more stickers. My friend Stacy printed more merchants I set up a mock booth at the house so I could figure out how everything's going to go on the table. I actually framed and laminated all the articles that have been written about my mom's case to date so that people can walk up to the booth and physically read them. And one thing I'm really excited about is back in January, our local paper released that front page article about my mom's case. We were front page news. That was a big deal here in Cave Creek. And I managed to go around and I found a bunch of physical copies of it. I think I just. I dropped by, like, five or six places to gather, like, over 40 copies, and I'm bringing 25 of them to CrimeCon. I'm gonna sign them and give them away, but here's the catch. I'm not putting them on the table. You have to ask for one. So if you're listening to this podcast and you happen to come to CrimeCon, ask me about the newspapers. And if you stop by my booth to pick up a paper, you might actually meet my cousin and my aunt. They say they're coming, so I really hope they can make it. My Aunt Wendy has been one of the biggest advocates for my mom for decades. She even named her daughter after my mom. But she doesn't really like appearing on podcasts very much. I've tried for a year to get her on here, but if you come to CrimeCon, there's a very good chance you'll get to meet her in person, because this whole thing has never been just my story. It's our family story, and I'm glad she's coming with me. But while all of these exciting things are in motion behind the scenes, it's been kind of rough over here. A few weeks ago, I posted some of the crime scene photos from my mom's case online. I want to point out they were redacted, but TikTok absolutely slammed me with violations, like, back to back within days. And for a while, my account was basically stripped down. I had no profile picture. I was reduced to a number. I had no name. I thought I might lose the account that I have spent, like, years building. I think, like four years now. Luckily, eventually, I did appeal. I got the profile picture back, I got the name back. But I'm still on account warning. But the whole experience has really forced me to sit back and ask myself something that I honestly, I haven't wanted to admit out loud. What happens if I don't want to do true crime anymore? Or what if I Can't do true crime anymore. Like, this is circling back around to me being exhausted. I'm really, really, really tired of talking about my dead mom every single day. And I know that sounds, like, horrible and shocking and, oh, my. I know some people are probably clutching their pearls hearing me say that, but I need people to understand. For five years, every single day, I have lived inside this case. Every day. And every day I wake up, I think about the homicide, the. The police reports, the crime scene photos. Now the evidence, the media algorithms, how to get back on it, comments, autopsy reports, photos, theories, emails, interviews, articles, all of it. Somewhere along the way, I kind of stopped existing outside of it, and I just. This became my whole life, my existence. I became it, and I just. I can't do it anymore. I've really hit a wall. I know I've been saying that for a while, but, like, I. I really hit a wall emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I just. I'm tired at this point. I don't know what else I can do. I've gotten the records, I pushed media, I built the podcast, I went viral. I got national coverage, I got meetings with the county attorney. I got articles, I got attention. And now I'm sitting here wondering, am I just waiting for a fucking confession? Am I literally waiting for a deathbed confession? What exactly am I doing? What am I waiting for? And in these dark days of dwelling on this and just being exhausted of all this, I. I accidentally started a completely different podcast. And I think it might have saved me both creatively and mentally, because I just. I can't seem to start season two of Poppy Killed Mommy. That's something I'm struggling to admit as well. Originally, season two was supposed to happen with my co worker, Melissa, and we were gonna branch out and start covering other domestic violence cases, cases that deserve attention but haven't gotten huge platforms behind them. Like, that's what I was gonna do. Like my mom's case, but that kind of fell apart, and I was like, okay, well, I'll do it by myself. But that didn't work either. And then I thought maybe the answer was alternating guest hosts. And for a while, that actually, that gave me some momentum, and I was excited again. I started brainstorming, I started writing, planning, thinking that maybe this could work. But every time I sit down and actually try to start to do it, I just sit in here and I freeze. And I think I'm finally realizing something that maybe I should have realized a long time ago. I don't know if I'm built for True crime. At least not in the way people think. Now I'm numb to my own case at this point because I've lived inside it for so many years. But when I start opening other case files, reading autopsy reports of other people, hearing 911 calls, looking at photos, like, it's just. It cracks something open and it's so triggering and it's so heavy and I don't like it. And if I'm gonna do this, I definitely can't do it alone. I think if season two is ever to happen, somebody is literally going to have to hold my hand and drag me down the road. I need a co host. I need someone to take the wheel. Jesus, take the wheel. I need another person in the room or like remotely patched in. I know Ash from EP that POD has offered, but like, I need someone to literally drag my ass to do it. I need a shoulder to lean on. I need somebody to help carry the emotional weight because I don't think I can sit in this studio myself talking about murdered women for the rest of my life. I just can't do it. Maybe that's why this new direction feels so right. Oh, my goodness. Something most people don't really see and maybe you don't know about me is that eight hours a day, five days a week, I work with kids, man. And I don't have kids of my own, but I spend 40 hours a week around kids. I relate to children very well. I actually joke all the time that I'm basically a 10 year old trapped in a 40 year old body because of my age regression and the trauma at an early age. Because I love playing, I love imagination, I love voices, characters, story building, being dramatic. I mean, that's me to a T at lunch recess, I read books to the kids and I go all in with accents, voices, huge reactions and dramatic pauses. And it became this whole thing to the point where one of the teachers actually told me the other day that she likes listening to my story time from across the playground. And then she casually said, you should do a podcast. And I swear to God, it was like lightning fucking hit me like a crack, like an epiphany out of nowhere. Like, why hadn't I thought of this before? I have an entirely professional built studio feet from my bed. Why haven't I thought of this before? It was like one of those moments where your entire brain just suddenly clicks. That night, literally, it was just this last Thursday, I went home. I immediately started building it. Dude, we got the COVID art, the trailer, the concept Everything. And within three days, I launched a brand new podcast called Nanny Nikki's Imagination Station, where turning the page is just the beginning. Isn't that great? Don't you love that opening? My very first episode was a story that my students absolutely love because they love scary stories, like, you know, spooky stories. Although I do know that I need to be careful with published books and copyright and all that stuff. So long term, I really want to focus on either public domain stories or. Or original stories written by yours truly. Which brings me to episode two of Nanny Nikki's Imagination Station. Yeah, how do we go from true crime to kids? I don't know, but that's where we are, so just let's roll with it. Episode two is called Dickie Birdie has two names, and yes, it's about my dog. And it's an original. Creating an episode might have been the happiest I have felt creatively in years. For once, I. I wasn't talking about murder. I wasn't reading autopsy reports. I wasn't begging people to care about my mom. I was creating something joyful, something safe and something magical in this little room. So if there is nothing else you do today, please go follow Nanny Nikki's Imagination Station, where turning the page is just the beginning. Even if you don't have kids. And if you do have children in your life, maybe play episode two for them and see if they like it. I really need some. Like, I need some feedback. Should I introduce the more original characters? I'll put the link in the show notes. And who knows, maybe this is the beginning of a whole new chapter for me creatively. A reason to use this fully built recording studio that sits empty week after week. It's just really sad. We put so much time and effort into this, and I used it so much in the beginning and it just. It just sits. But the last couple days, I couldn't wait to get in here. I have spent more time in here in the last three days than I have in the last three months. I had fun in here instead of crying. It's a whole new world to speak on this microphone and enjoy it. And I would very much love for you to support. Just listen to my episode about Dicky Birdie and see what you think. And while I am talking about my dogs, I do want to take a second and thank the people that have sent me gifts because you guys have shown up for me in ways I genuinely cannot explain. In the last episode, I talked a lot about how my dad is weird and the summers Here in Arizona are really hard, and things have been financially strapped. Trying to take care of all my animals, we received a swamp cooler, a fan, cooling pads, cooling snacks, a giant swimming pool for Jake. Brittany, who designed our Crimecon poster art, sent the amazing cooling supplies, complete with a cooling bandana. Arlette, our number one fan, sent the swimming pool, and I didn't. There was no slip in the swamp cooler, but there was a slip in the misting fan. And for the life of me, I can't find it. I just remember it said, from a fellow rescue mama. Well, from one rescue mama to another, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. The reality is, in my 20s, I wasn't thinking. Instead of having kids, I just. I kind of decided I was going to rescue every animal in the greater north Phoenix area. I even started a rescue Nanny Nikki's Pet Sitting Services. No, that. No, it was Nikki's Place, small animal refuge. And then I started a pet sitting company, Nanny Nikki's Pet Sitting Services. And now we have a podcast, Nanny Nikki's Imagination Station. It was like we were, like, evolved to be here. That's so, like, that's funny. It was a full circle moment. But now that I'm in my 40s and all these animals are seniors and I'm literally drowning. I have three senior Chihuahuas. Two just had full dentals. I have two senior cats. One of them has kidney issues. Who needs prescription food. Jake, who's a large breed, he's no spring chicken either. He's going to start to break down real soon. And then let's talk about the hermit crabs. I even rescued some hermit crabs, if that's what you want to call it. We'll go into that later. But they just got upgraded to a whole new setup, luckily, with the free tank from next door. And I'm slowly adding all the supplies that they need to thrive. And this is where I'm actually going to insert some hermit crab backs, because they're completely fascinating little creatures, and it's really sad. The hermit crab trade. Do not buy hermit crabs. Very sad. Do not support. And I feel like I should pass on what I've learned in the last six months. And that's only because my school got hermit crabs, and I was, like, the caretaker and I had to, like, educate myself, and I realized, wow. But here, fact number one. Hermit crabs are often sold as an easy starter pet. But many species can actually live 20 to 40 years in the wild. And with proper care, some have reportedly lived even longer. Dude, these are, like, a lifelong commitment. A Lifelong commitment, not just for a school year. So sad that these are class pets. Fact number two, hermit crabs sold in tourist shops and pet stores are wild caught, not captive bred. Did you know that they're literally taken from the beaches that they've lived on and their coastal ecosystems that they need to survive? Fact number three, one of the saddest things is that people are often told that they only live a few months, but that's usually because their care requirements are misunderstood. Most die early in captivity from improper humidity, lack of deep substrate to molt, incorrect heat, painted shells with toxic paint on them, or just stress of transport from being taken from their coastal waters. I don't know, dude, it's probably the rescue girl in me. But once I started learning about the hermit crabs, I couldn't unlearn it. I found out they walked up to 10 miles a night in the wild and suddenly these little plastic cages that they sell them in just started feeling really sad and inhumane. And I'm very mad about the hermit crab trait. So I kidnapped the classroom crabs, technically, but only because I wanted to give them a better life. They now have a 20 gallon tank, which honestly is the bare minimum for two hermit crabs. I just discovered that and that completely blows my mind because most people buy these animals in the tiny little souvenir containers at the beach shops without realizing they can live for decades if cared for properly. Decades. They are probably one of the most misunderstood pets I have ever run across. And I am learning all of this in real time myself. And as of today, they've officially been upgraded to a 20 gallon tank filled with 50 pounds of sand, two giant bricks of substrate, climbing stuff, humidity. So yeah, there is absolutely no way these crabs are going to be moved. So this is my formal announcement. I have kidnapped the class crabs. Surprise. I mean, I can pay the school for them if they want me to. Anyway, that was quite the detour and an unexpected little mini lesson. But I felt like I had to pass on the information that I've learned. And circling back to if anybody wants to help support the animals that I've collected, furry or crabby, the Amazon Wishlist is in the store notes. And yes, you might also see a dog camera on there because during all this brainstorming about changing my content directions, somebody gave me the idea of putting a little camera on Jake's collar so people could basically watch like A Day in the Life of Jake, which honestly sounds pretty funny to me. So yes, that's on there too. We can wish, right? But switching gears from pets Back to true crime. I do want to give you one final update regarding Russell Bennett Peterson. Several weeks ago, while the A and E article was being written, the author actually sent me Russell's phone number because she was trying to contact him for comment. After thinking about it for a while, I had a friend send him a message. We invited him to sit down with me on camera for a conversation, an opportunity to speak, but he never responded. So that's that. Looks like I'm waiting for a deathbed confession. Anyway, let's talk about why this episode though, is called the Independent Takes Notice. I should say the New York Independent takes notice because this morning another article was released. And the best part, I didn't pitch this one. I woke up one day, checked my email, and there was a message from a journalist that worked at the New York Independent. She had seen me introduce Myself in the CrimeCon Facebook community group and she became interested in my mom's case. We did an interview about three weeks ago and today the article officially went live. I was really hoping it would go live on Mother's Day, but alas, we'll take what we can get. Which means in the span of just a few months, January we got front page local news. April we got the A N E article, our first national coverage. And now May the New York Independent. Boom. 3 Media pushes two of them national coverage, back to back. This right here has been the goal. Media pressure, keeping my mom's name alive long enough that maybe somebody decides to do the right thing somewhere down the road. So normally on my episodes I would sit here and I would read you the article. Alas, my episode is already like recording right now. It's going to be like 15, 20 minutes and that's adding. You know what, you guys can. I'm just going to put the link in the show notes and you can go read it yourself. It is an amazingly done article. I think it's my favorite. She really does humanize my mom. Actually, let's just go into my post. I did write some post article notes that I wanted to go over with you. I think what stood out to me most after reading the article is that for the first time in a long time, I felt like my mom was being talked about like a person instead of just like a case file. She wasn't just a woman shot in 93 or not just an unsolved homicide. She became Stacy. The author used my mom's chosen name. That showed me that she spent the time to listen to my podcast. She cared enough to dive deep that Detail, I think, above all, really touched me. It really did. It's just one of the reasons the article hits me though. I think after 33 years, people assume families either get justice or eventually just move on. But like, let's be honest, there's this weird middle ground that nobody talks about. Or you just keep carrying it. You go to work and you pay your bills, you laugh at stupid TikToks, you rescue hermit crabs, apparently, but this thing still follows you everywhere. And it's probably why I started the podcast in the first place, because if the system isn't going to keep talking about my mom, then I will. And apparently a lot more people are listening now than I ever expected. If you found this podcast through the New York Independent article, welcome. But moving on, it is officially Countdown to Crimecon Vegas. Dickie Birdie and I will both be there. So if you see me walking around with either a poppy Killed mommy shirt or a tiny old chihuahua in a red stroller, it's probably me. Come say hi, come tell me your story, come talk to me about the podcast, come meet Dicky Birdie, and while you're at it, please go check out his episode over on Nanny Nicky's Imagination Station, where turning the page is just the beginning. Because somehow my life now includes true crime, children's stories, and kidnapped classroom hermit crabs. Which honestly, it kind of feels pretty on brand for me at this point. So thank you guys for being here. As always, thank you for listening and thank you for continuing to keep my mom's name alive after all these years. I'll see you guys at Crimecon, or I'll see you right back here after. Be sure to check out the New York Independent article. Last time I checked, when you click on the New York Independent, it was the third article down. Let's see how long it stays on the front page. Thank you for listening.
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