Dan Soder, Knicks Whomp The Sixers, The Hungover Episode, Hot Seat/Cool Throne + FAQ’s

Summary

Pardon My Take – May 6, 2026

Episode: Dan Soder, Knicks Whomp The Sixers, The Hungover Episode, Hot Seat/Cool Throne + FAQs
Hosts: Big Cat & PFT Commenter (Barstool Sports)
Guest: Dan Soder (Comedian, Podcaster)

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Overview

The May 6th, 2026 episode of Pardon My Take is a quintessential Hungover Episode, as the hosts and crew recover from a hard Vegas bachelor party, a grueling LA road trip, and some crushing sports results for Philadelphia. The episode blends sports talk, comedic storytelling, and an in-depth, freewheeling interview with comedian Dan Soder. It features the crew’s signature banter on NBA playoffs, a disastrous night for Philly teams, key mailbag/FAQ answers, and recurring segments like Hot Seat/Cool Throne. Dan Soder joins to talk NFL, coaching friendships (esp. Mike McDaniel and Jim Harbaugh), comedy turf wars, and NCAA video game degeneracy.

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Episode Breakdown

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1. Hungover Bachelor Party & Road Trip Recap

00:00–08:00

• The crew is in LA after a chaotic bachelor party in Vegas, leading to this "pick up the pieces" episode.
• Everyone is feeling rough. “It’s the hungover episode. We had the somewhat drunk episode on Sunday, this is going to be the pickup the pieces. Everyone is feeling it.” (Big Cat, 01:40)
• Zach lost his glasses during a late-night reconnaissance mission at a cabaret (strip club), sparking stories about the general hungover chaos.
• The group’s attempt to play “Immaculate Grid” on the road trip proves they’re bad at trivia when hungover.
• Bizarre sleep issues: Zach sleeps through alarms, making everyone question his health.
• Banter about bachelor party hijinks and the need for human alarm clocks for the worst sleepers.
• “That was also the most excused sleep in possible because, think about the energy you have to expend to go search for your glasses for six hours alone at a strip club.” (Big Cat, 07:48)

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2. NBA Playoff Recap — Knicks vs. Sixers Disaster

08:30–19:41

Game 1 Blowout:

• Max laments Philly sports’ “wake up call”—Flyers lose in OT, Sixers get dominated by the Knicks (“got dummied”).
• Knicks win by 39, triggering scheduled loss debate. “Nothing was good about it except the minutes. Like the Knicks just absolutely dominated that game, but luckily the Sixers have shown they can get smoked in a game and come back and win.” (Max, 11:18)
• Banter about whether it was demoralizing, scheduled losses, and whether "scheduled wins" exist.
• Crew pokes fun at Knicks’ sudden world-beating confidence: “What if we never miss a shot again?...the Knicks, there’s a chance that we might be the best NBA team of all time.” (PFT, 13:12)
• Hank roots for home teams to lose just for fan rage.
• Group bids for a 7-game series just for maximum podcast content.

Timberwolves-Spurs Series:

• Timberwolves grind out a win despite injuries and Wemby’s 12 blocks.
• The Wolves play with “dog” energy: “Timberwolves are dogs. They’re pups.” (Big Cat, 18:17)
• Talk about Spurs crowd: “When I look at that crowd, I think I’m about to dig into one of those grocery store cakes...I look at that crowd, I get hungry.” (PFT, 19:31)
• Some basketball X’s & O’s: how Minnesota attacked Wemby, adjusting to his defense.

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3. Choose Your Own Adventure: NBA Picks & Animal Baby Names

23:30–34:59

• The gang offers picks for NBA games and makes up odds. Quick takes:
  • Pistons over Cavs ("coming out of a seven game series...might feel easier" – Big Cat, 23:51)
  • Thunder to destroy the Lakers unless there’s a “fake LeBron injury” exit
  • Absurd debate about how LeBron and Bronny’s stats should combine for a “father-son double double."
• Lighthearted, extended riff about animal baby names (kids, joeys, whelps, puggles, “baby nugget = popcorn chicken”) and what mascot names NBA teams would use if they were “pups,” “cubs,” etc.
• “The goat and the kid...they’re probably gonna have a podcast together.” (Big Cat, 30:10)

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4. NFL: Jacoby Brissett’s Holdout & Fill the Grand Canyon Bits

35:11–42:10

• News that Jacoby Brissett is holding out—dubbed the “most non-consequential holdout of all time.”
• Comedy bit about how many people “it would take to fill the Grand Canyon with jizz” (running joke based on a listener’s previous insane promise), featuring attempts to do the math and tangents about ant sperm (“ants jizz?”).
• “I admire his confidence. What’s the worst that could happen to me? I don’t have to be a starting quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals” (PFT, 36:46）
• “...Would have to nut about a million times to fill this thing up...I would say far, far more than that.” (Big Cat, 37:55)

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5. NBA/Pop Culture: Met Gala, Ben Stiller, and Fan Integrity

43:20–51:58

• Timothy Chalamet skips Met Gala for the Knicks game (“real ball lover”), but Ben Stiller attends the Gala and gets roasted for “being whipped.”
• “How can you...you can’t be like, ‘I’m a die hard Knicks fan’” and then miss Game 1 for the Gala. (Hank, 47:57)
• More bits about famous fans, including Travis Kelce's Met Gala lookalike drama.

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6. Hot Seat / Cool Throne

43:20–73:53

Hot Seat:

• Hank: Himself, for getting mogged by Zach in a group photo (with Zach mean-mugging in tuxedo shoes).
• Big Cat: Jalen Brown (“Clickbait is like flopping for the media, exaggerating contact. Y'all be safe out there.” — 60:11), and George Santos for ludicrous lawsuits.
• PFT: Toronto Maple Leafs (new GM hire despised by “old hockey guys” and even Biz).

Cool Throne:

• PFT: “Supreme Debate” – SKIP BAYLESS AND STEPHEN A. SMITH REUNITING:
  • “It’s all I’ve ever wanted since 2016 when they broke up. If you never watched those two together, they reached almost dangerous levels of debate.” (PFT, 55:59)
• Big Cat: Chicago Bulls’ GM hire (young up-and-coming exec from the Hawks), and Big Dom (Eagles security boss) extending his “lifetime contract.”
• Zach: Fans of the anime “One Piece;” Netflix remake incoming. Also, presidential fitness test is back (“bad news for the fat kids”—Zach, 71:27)

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7. Dan Soder Interview

78:46–148:34 (Highlights below)

Hangover, On the Road…

• Soder joins to commiserate about being in LA, recovering from Vegas/LA bachelor party-tour, and making terrible decisions to stack live shows after hard partying.
• "This is what you do in Los Angeles. You just checked in, and already want to go home." (Soder, 79:12)

Coaching/Football/Harbaugh Talk

• Soder is a lifelong 49ers fan; talks up friendship with Mike McDaniel (Chargers coach), gives inside stories:
  • Harbaugh is “the most secure person he’s ever been around. He lets McDaniel do whatever. So the joggers ain’t going.”
  • Plans for milk machines in the Chargers’ facility: “He literally had a conversation about getting a milk machine in the facility.” (84:07)
• “Who's got it better than us? NOBODY!” – Soder on Harbaugh family motto and whether it should be proprietary.

Comedy Turf Wars (NYC/LA/Austin)

• Gently mocks the idea of “moving to Austin”: “It’s so Real Housewives. It’s got great Mexican food, Shane has a cool house, but I’d never live there.” (103:13)
• LA comics are better performers but have “worse jokes” due to not being pissed off enough (104:00).

Video Game Degeneracy

• Soder and Zach geek out about running NCAA Football dynasties, PVE vs. PVP gaming, and even coaching wear for video game streams.
  • “You always pick a shitty team. This year, I started with East Carolina, built them up, went to Minnesota, turned them into a dynasty, ended at UMass Amherst…lost my Natty, couldn't challenge the run. Blank stare, mouth open.” (Dan Soder, 136:21)
  • “You play college football till the day you die.” (Dan Soder, 146:35)
  • The importance of suffering losses & never “resetting” to build character—“Sign of maturity: taking the Ls.” (148:56)
  • Katie (his wife) as a “coach’s wife” — buys him jackets that match the dynasty he’s running (140:17)
• Extended bit on avoiding multiplayer “spammers” in sports gaming and the satisfaction of coaching an imaginary college team for decades.

Personal/Comedy Bits

• Soder was in the infamous Epstein files—explains it as being on a Comedy Cellar lineup email.
• “I wanted the MC to bring me up as, ‘you’ve read his name in the Epstein files.’” (111:55)
• Digressions on billionaire sports team ownership (119:28), suffering and wounded pride in cold weather playoff games, and using NCAA game recruiting as late-night therapy while comedians tour.

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8. FAQs / End of Show

152:10–163:12

• Max (Philly fan) refuses all hypothetical trades for Big Dom (“untouchable!”)
• Questions about being “too old” for Vegas bachelor parties (1am at John Summit was the cutoff)
• What old Internet challenges (planking, Beanie Babies, golf cart pranks) would the PMT crew have embraced or roasted
• Sincere discussion (quickly devolving into jokes) on supporting each other vs. constant ball-busting:
  • “It’s implied. If we were always like, ‘I support you no matter what,’ it would become more ball busting.” (Big Cat, 159:31)
• Zach’s lost glasses at the strip club inspire merch ideas (“I lost my glasses at the cabaret”)
• Show closes with lottery ball numbers, birthdays, and love for the PMT community.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

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"The Hungover Episode"

• “This is gonna be the hungover episode. Pick up the pieces. Everyone is feeling it. We are still in LA…” (Big Cat, 01:34)
• “Zach slept through the alarm, with bomb alarm clock firing full volume next to his ear. We had to wake him up manually. I think we now can say you have an actual sleep issue.” (PFT, 07:49)

Knicks/Sixers Blowout

• “The Knicks just absolutely dominated that game, but luckily the Sixers have shown that they can get smoked in a game and come back and win.” (Max, 11:18)
• “What if we never miss a shot again? That’s what they’re saying. They’re literally saying that.” (Big Cat, 13:20)

Dan Soder on Coaching/McDaniel/Harbaugh

• “Jim Harbaugh is the man. Most secure person he’s ever been around.” (Dan Soder, 83:40)
• “Bringing back the ‘Who’s got it better than us? Nobody!’ Very fun.” (Dan Soder, 86:13)
• “They should just wrap all the 49ers like baked potatoes in aluminum foil, then they don’t get injured.” (Dan Soder, 94:19)

Soder on Video Gaming/NCAA Dynasties

• “You always pick a shitty team… built up East Carolina, went to Minnesota, then Colorado, then UMass Amherst… last game, fumble at the goal line… blank stare, mouth open, dynasty over.” (136:21)
• “The sign of maturity: taking the L’s. I was a reset guy until my mid to late 20s, then I was like, no, life’s about taking Ls.” (Soder, 148:56)

PFT’s Dream: Supreme Debate Returns

• “It’s all I’ve ever wanted since 2016 when they broke up... they reached almost dangerous levels of debate. Supreme Debate is where they were.” (PFT, 55:59)

Miscellaneous

• “290,600 years to fill the Grand Canyon with jizz if every dude on Earth was coming into it.” (Big Cat, 40:33 — peak silly PMT)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------|--------------------| | Bachelor Party Recap / Vegas | 00:00–08:00 | | Sixers / Knicks Recap | 08:30–19:41 | | Animal Baby Names / NBA Picks | 23:30–34:59 | | Jacoby Brissett Holdout | 35:11–42:10 | | Fan Hot Seat / Met Gala | 43:20–51:58 | | Hot Seat / Cool Throne | 43:20–73:53 | | Dan Soder Interview | 78:46–148:34 | | FAQs / Closing | 152:10–end |

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Tone & Language

• Classic irreverent, loose, and sometimes juvenile PMT banter.
• Sports talk is blended seamlessly with pop culture, inside references, and group-dynamic comedy.
• Authentic "guy talk" — equal parts sincere and sarcastic, personalized for the PMT community.
• Dan Soder fits right in, bringing storytelling chops, football/comedy insight, and a shared degenerate gamer energy.

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Who Should Listen?

• Sports fans wanting a comedic, honest-by-way-of-chaotic sports recap.
• Listeners who love guest banter not just about sports, but insider comedy and video games.
• PMT fans who want the full flavor of behind-the-scenes, on-the-road pod life, and the group’s classic “hungover energy.”

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Summary written for those who haven’t listened but want a detailed play-by-play of sports talk, shenanigans, and what makes this PMT episode a memorable, wide-ranging bender.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Okay, guys, it's grit week. This is the part of the football calendar where nobody's watching, but everything gets built. Early mornings, pads back on conditioning, film reps. Spring training in football is all about putting in the work when nobody's cheering yet. And and honestly, that's the same mindset behind the Chevy Silverado. This is a truck that is the definition of grit. Long days, dirty work, and showing up day after day no matter the conditions. Strong, dependable and built for the grind. Because grit isn't about being flashy. It's about being ready when it's time to go. Check out the current offers and build your [e-mail] that's Silverado. All grit, no quit. And you can build your [e-mail] today on today's part of my take presented by DraftKings. We've got Dan Soder on the pod. Great interview with him, one of our favorite comedians. We talk a lot of football too, which was a lot of fun. Just this is the time of year we get a little, little, you know, little hungry for some football talk some ball with him. We are going to recap a bad night for Philly on Monday night. Max's bachelor party is over and it's basically like what Cinderella. Cinderella came, turned into a pumpkin.

[B]

He's coming back to earth.

[A]

This also is going to be the hungover episode. So we had the somewhat drunk episode on Sunday. This is going to be the pick up the pieces. Everyone is feeling it. We are still in la. We're getting ready for our live show and we got hot seat, cool throne. We're finishing with FAQs. Is that correct? FAQs. So great Wednesday show for you. It's brought to you by our friends at Chevy. Our AWLS know that the Chevy Silverado is the official truck apart in my take. That's because Silverado is a truck with grit. It shows up every time. Built a hall tow and make a beat and take a beating. But smartware accounts with modern tech that makes life easier. Big screens, available, camera views that help with towing and parking, and a cabin that feels right. Whether you're road tripping, heading to practice or loading up for the weekend. During the season, it's the mvp. The tailgate. After the season, it turns into your training camp truck hauling gear, tackling home projects and doing the work that never stops. Because the grind doesn't take breaks and neither Does Silverado. Check out the current offers and build your own Chevy [e-mail]. okay. Let's go,

[C]

Football guy Patino. Aw, Harry.

[A]

Welcome to part of my take, presented by DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Wednesday, May 6th. May the six be with you boys.

[B]

And, and with you.

[A]

And also with you.

[B]

I love Star Trek.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My, my favorite program growing up.

[A]

Yes. Boys, we're in la. We're in a hotel room in la.

[B]

It's gonna be my.

[A]

It's gonna be my. Did you see, oh, did you see the, the Cardinals pitcher May. And he, he wears number three and he was pitching on May 3rd.

[B]

No, I did not see that.

[A]

Pretty cool.

[D]

Wild.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is the day five of the road trip, the Hungover episode. We got an awesome episode. We have Dan Soder on. We're also gonna do some choose your own adventure because we have our live show tonight. How we feeling, boys? How's everyone feeling? I'm feeling great.

[B]

I'm feeling really good.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, really good. Hank, you're probably feeling better than really good.

[D]

I feel great.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I slept, I slept on the car ride from la.

[A]

Yeah, we pulled into la, so, so we, we took the car ride from Vegas to la. It was about five hour drive. I expected everyone to sleep. Pft. And I stayed up. We ripped, I would say conservatively, three hours of Immaculate Grid.

[B]

It was about three hours and I, I told Big Cat that if there was a sneaky GoPro, if somebody had hit a camera inside, inside our car, we would probably be canceled as a sports podcast because of how bad we were at Immaculate Grid. At one point, Big Cat was like, is there such a thing as just like immaculate quarterback? We can do Immaculate Grid just for backup quarterbacks. Because, like, I think every time we didn't know an answer, be like, did Garden Minchu play Tommy Fam? Yeah, Tommy Fam.

[A]

Tommy Fam. I was looking for that Tommy Fam.

[B]

And then Hank, to his credit, Hank did participate. He's kind of underselling himself a little bit. Hank would chime in from time to time, yawning in his sleep. Just the craziest yawns. I know that we've talked about Hank's yawns before. He was letting them fly to a point where, like, you were laying it on a little thick. I don't think those are natural yawns he was making.

[A]

He was sleeping. And I've never heard anyone sleeping make more of a, like, bodily noises because there was at one point he was dead asleep. He coughed. Sneezed and burped, all within like a five minute span. But he was. Everyone was dead to the world. Rightfully so.

[B]

Hank also did wake up. I don't even think he woke up. He was still asleep. He. He goes, Braxton Barrios. Yeah, he.

[E]

He.

[A]

He text and dolphin. We. We. And so we pull into to la, just goes, that wasn't that bad of a drive. And I immediately was like, no, it wasn't. Then I stopped. I, dude, you were asleep for 95 of that. And we had. Max was dead in the back, rightfully so. Zach had the rare. I think PFD asked him when we were at the. When we stopped once if he was hungover. And Zach was like, I'm still drunk. And he was sitting shotgun, just in and out of sleep. It was a hell of a drive, boys.

[E]

It was quite the drive. Yeah, I appreciate manning that, Big Cat.

[A]

Still no glasses.

[E]

I don't think I'll ever get him back.

[C]

Were you.

[A]

Did you search for him again?

[E]

I went on a reconnaissance mission.

[B]

I did.

[E]

And I came back home, no glasses.

[A]

At what time was your. Your reconnaissance mission to the cabaret?

[E]

Reconnaissance mission to the cabaret was post show. Probably like maybe 2. Ish. Probably 2am 2am And I didn't get my glasses till when I got back at like eight.

[A]

But like time.

[D]

Time is a construct. Yeah.

[A]

Listen, you gotta go, you gotta find your glasses.

[E]

I think the same way every ass

[A]

cheek has to be uncovered.

[B]

Zach looked in every. Every corner, every dark, every inside that club. Zach, you did a very thorough job. Look, you know now for a fact that like your glasses, they can't be in there.

[E]

Yeah, there's no way. And if they are, they're in the. The. The most hidden spot one could ever be.

[B]

Oh, I know a couple. Yeah, there's a couple of those there.

[E]

I thought I checked all of them more than once.

[B]

So Zach comes back, you come back, you. After you're done looking, obviously you're mentally and physically exhausted from all the looking you were doing. And you're like, got to get some sleep. Got to get some. Shut up. We got a big drive tomorrow. So Hank goes, or Zach goes to sleep in his hotel room. And then. And then Dom, big Cat's assistant, his. He comes up to me, he's like, let's go. I want to show you the room right now. I want to show you the state that Zach's in. So we go in there and Zach was just passed out with his bomb alarm clock firing full volume next to his ear. Like we could hear it down the hallway and you're just not moving at all. But actually, Zach, I think we now can say like you have, you have an actual sleep issue if you're not waking up to that. We had to wake him up manually.

[D]

I think we knew that.

[A]

Yeah, we did know that. We absolutely knew that.

[E]

I checked the, the app summary for the week. It said I was waking up from alarm less than one minute. But then I go back and I see that video and the summary couldn't be more worse or more off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also could have been Dom hearing the alarm and then turning your alarm off.

[E]

Dom, if you had to do that. I'm so sorry.

[A]

That was also the most excused sleep in possible because you, I mean, think about all the energy you have to expend to go search for your glasses for six hours alone at a strip club.

[B]

And when you don't have your glasses, you have to harder because you can't see.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're like squinting.

[F]

We saved zero story. We, we've just said that's not true.

[A]

That's not true at all.

[B]

So I think I, I think what you have to have, Zach, what we've learned from this week is you need like the best alarm clock for you is another human being that's in the room with you that hears your alarm going off that will then wake you up. I think that's where we're at. Where you have to have. I was saying yesterday to Colton, you have. You should almost like have a kid and hope that it grows up to be Bam Margera.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It'll just wake you up every morning by like slapping the out of you.

[A]

Beating the out of you.

[E]

That is one way to get up.

[A]

Yeah. But we're all here. We're all alive. And on Monday night, the city of Philadelphia had a little. It was kind of like a wake up call. Like, hey, that was a fun weekend. Max's bachelor party was awesome. Flyers losing overtime, which they. That they had so many chances. Sixers got dummied. Max.

[F]

Yeah. Silver, you know, that was a scheduled loss. That was an NBA scheduled loss.

[A]

I have a question about the scheduled loss piece. There is no, no game in this series that is more than one day in.

[F]

I know.

[A]

So just gna be a scheduled loss series.

[F]

It's not a great schedule. It's not a great schedule for the boys.

[A]

Yeah. Did you watch the game?

[F]

I did, I watched the game. I, I. There was a point in the third quarter where, because the Flyers game and, and that game were just going on at the same Time where the basketball game was just completely over, so I switched over to the Flyers game.

[A]

I hate when that happens, by the way. They've got to figure that out with, like, if you have. The city has two teams, you have to stagger it.

[F]

So I put. I had. I had it on. On my. On my phone, in my. As a. As a second screen, but I, I checked. I checked out in the third quarter for sure. There was no point.

[C]

What.

[A]

How do you feel? Because this is. This is the. I agree that it was a scheduled loss, but it was a loss.

[F]

So was game one of the Celtics game true?

[B]

Were you freaking, like, get the starters out way before they did?

[F]

I saw. I actually saw some Sixers fans and, like, beat reporters being, like, low key. This isn't that bad because much less minutes.

[A]

Yeah, they all played like.

[F]

They all played like 25 minutes.

[A]

Yeah. And Jalen Brunson was. He could not miss.

[F]

There was no one on the planet was stopping Jalen Brunson in that game. He made. He was making every single shot, no matter what.

[A]

Yeah, he was incredible. Memes. You. You promised this. You said this on Sunday. You said you're gonna. You're gonna win in five. You're gonna kill him.

[F]

Game one. We said on. On Sunday show that. That we were gonna get smoked, but

[A]

so far, memes is the correct one. Well, the. The Knicks just collect after game three, and they've beaten the past three games. They won by 25 plus, and they just have a better team overall. I'm not going to hold anything accountable that Max said on Sunday.

[B]

He's up.

[F]

Yeah, I don't know. There were. There were things that were going that people were telling me that happened in the show that I didn't remember happened in the show.

[A]

Are you getting any backlash for the New York rich, Philly poor?

[F]

I don't know. I haven't really looked at my social media too much the past couple days, to be honest.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you. I know it was scheduled loss, but, like, scheduled. Was it even demoralizing how. How bad the loss was?

[A]

Yeah, that's kind of what.

[F]

Yeah, that was bad.

[C]

Right?

[F]

There's nothing was good about it except for the minutes. Like the Knicks just absolutely dominated that game, but luckily the Sixers have shown that they can get smoked in a game and come back and win.

[B]

Do you think one.

[F]

It's game one of seven game series.

[B]

You think. Do you think Tibbs is rooting for the Knicks?

[A]

I think he knows, you know, he wants to be back in.

[B]

I know. I. I think A guy like Tibbs probably cares about the guys, but, like, can't stand the jerseys, you know, like, he can't stand the ownership. So I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where his heart would be at. But the Knicks look like they do look like they're just gonna. It's gonna be a cakewalk for them to the NBA Finals.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you think, Zach?

[E]

I mean, very impressive performance yesterday. They're saying Sixers might taking some of their guys out. That is good for you guys. It's a multiple game series. Way to start the series. 40 point win. Love to see that.

[F]

39. Not quite 40.

[E]

That's. That's fair. I rounded up. I shouldn't have done that.

[A]

Yeah, I shouldn't have done that. That was actually up.

[E]

That was up. That was.

[A]

That was.

[E]

I'll never round up again. They said this might have been a scheduled loss for the Sixers, which is good. I was curious, will there be any scheduled wins? Because we look great.

[A]

Oh, that. That, folks, was Zach's.

[E]

We look great.

[A]

Talking right there.

[E]

We do look good.

[A]

Answer the question. Will there be any scheduled wins?

[F]

I don't know scheduled wins, because the schedule is in favor of the Knicks, but we'll. We'll have some on the court wins, maybe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I do. I. I want to clarify. I don't necessarily think that the Knicks are just going to blow through the entire East. I think that the way they've been playing, though, like, they have to be feeling good enough about themselves where they have to think, like, we might just not ever lose until we get to the Finals.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

They shot 65 from the field, and

[A]

50% said they're playing like that.

[B]

They've been doing that, like, repeatedly. It's not just tonight or last night. It was.

[F]

I mean, if that's the case, they're the. If they do that every single game, they're the best team in the history of the NBA.

[A]

That's on the cards right now.

[B]

That's what we're saying.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

They have to be thinking it's a perfect spot for New York. Is actually thinking right now, like, the Knicks, there's a chance that we might be the best NBA team of all time.

[A]

What if we never miss a shot again? That's what they're saying. They're literally saying that.

[F]

That would be impressive. And I would tip my cat.

[A]

Yeah. Hank, have you decided who you're rooting for in this series?

[D]

No, I'm rooting for. I'm just rooting I actually did come to this realization last night. I am rooting for the home team to lose every game. I want the fans. I want every fan base to be upset at at the games.

[B]

So that.

[D]

I guess.

[A]

So you're Euro for one.

[D]

Yeah, that would be six or. Yes, Sixers and seven.

[A]

Sixers.

[B]

Yeah, but you can't have. No, that can't happen.

[D]

You have to win one home game.

[B]

So.

[D]

But yeah, that. That was what I came to the realization.

[A]

You're on Nixon 7 at this point. No. Yeah, I don't know. I can't.

[B]

But wait, Hank, what if it's a bunch of fans from New York that. That take the train down to Philly, they take over the stadium, and then the Sixers beat all the New York fans in Philly in front of Knicks fans.

[D]

I think seven games, like, at this point, I'm just rooting for seven games. It's the most entertainment. It gives whoever the podcast the least amount of chance to win the next series. As we saw last night with the Sixers, you go seven games, it's tough to win after that. So, yeah, I'm rooting for a seven game series and I guess Sixers and seven, because that would mean they win at home or on the road.

[A]

The game seven would be, I believe, the start of grit week.

[D]

That'd be fun someday.

[A]

Be a fun little wrinkle. Yeah.

[B]

And then who are you rooting for? The other side of the East.

[D]

Cavs.

[B]

Okay, so you want the Cavs to then smoke whoever wins this series?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And then for them to get smoked. Yeah.

[B]

No, I don't.

[D]

I don't. Really. I don't. I don't. As long as it's not the Thunder. I'm rooting for any. Anyone but the Thunder.

[B]

So Lakers, I guess.

[D]

I mean, the Lakers to win this series. I hope the Lakers win the series.

[A]

Yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna do a choose your own adventure in a minute because we have our live show tonight.

[D]

They're gonna get smoked.

[A]

I. I completely agree.

[D]

But yeah, it was tough. It's like I was just kind of sighing the whole time watching this game because I want to talk, but then it's like there's nothing to be said.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Because we lost the Sixers.

[A]

Yeah. Does it set in?

[D]

Yeah, no, last night it was like,

[A]

that was the official set.

[D]

This sucks. Yeah. And it's like all anyone's talk, it's.

[C]

We're.

[A]

We are.

[D]

We're a loser town. It's like we're not playing and we're just talking about.

[A]

That's.

[D]

We're talking about, you know, like Twitch streams and. And just could have, should have, would us. And. And off of off court stuff when it's like the playoffs are going on.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[D]

That's just a bad spot to be in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stuff. Max, have you, like, when you were watching the game last night, did you have any thoughts in your head still of like, how cool it is that you beat the Celtics? Are you just fully.

[F]

I mean, it's tough to think of like anything.

[A]

It's a Super Bowl. Yeah.

[F]

They got, they got absolutely smoked. There's no. There wasn't a ton of like positives while watching that game.

[B]

Yeah. I'm just wondering if you've completely moved on from the, from the Celtics win because it was so. It was a big deal for you at the time. Have we completely moved on? Are you still thinking like, that was awesome?

[F]

No, that. I mean it, it went right. No, I'm. I'm over. I'm over The Celtics when the Celtics win was fun, but now we're. We're trying to win a series.

[B]

You're in.

[A]

You're in it. So the other game with the Timberwolves spurs, which was an awesome game. Defensive battle in the first half, second half, it felt like the, the Timberwolves. I mean, the Timberwolves deserve all the credit in the world because they just. They play spoiler. I mean, they, they're injured. And Anthony Edwards back, he wasn't 100. You could tell he wasn't. He actually blamed himself for a couple moments afterwards in the, in the post game where he's just, you know, there was like an offensive rebound sequence. He got blown by a couple times. He's not 100%. But this team as a team, they just like Julius Randall was awesome. They figured out. I know Wemby was incredible in all these blocks, but it did feel like in that fourth quarter they figured out like how to get a couple buckets against Wemby. And it was partially getting Rudy Gobert off the court, but also like keeping guys engaged with Wemby and then finding a way at the rim. And I love like Terence Shannon's like, I'm going to just keep going. Like, I don't care. He's going to have to block them.

[B]

All right. Like when we got 12, he got 12 blocks. Was. That's an insane stat that he had.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There are some truth is out there. Trying to point out some possible goaltens

[A]

that were thousand goal tens was a big thing.

[B]

One thing Wimby does like, he's exceptionally good at sometimes he'll almost play like, matador defense where he'll let the guy go past him and he'll stop and then his arms are so long that he can then recover after he lets the guy pass him on purpose to, to block the shot. And he was, yeah, he was pinning some balls against backboard, but the fact that the, the wolves kept going back at him and they kept throwing up these shots and they were getting some of the tips and deflections from Wimby that would then lead to open shots. Like, their strategy is like, it, we'll let Wimby block his. As long as they don't retain possession. As long as Wimby's not like, pinning them off the backboard, coming down with them, or like grabbing them out of the air, we'll let him block a lot of shots and, and we just trust our guys to, to make something happens. They're dogs.

[A]

Tim Rolls are dogs. They're pups. Yeah, they are.

[B]

We, we're calling them the Pups now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A bunch of people online, they were like, hey, we appreciate your support for the wolves. Call them the pups, though, because that's. If you're not like it, you can't say t wolves. But pups is like the next up and coming thing for them.

[A]

And Chris Finch is an awesome coach and like, they, they just, yeah, I, I, I think it's. Anytime you doubt them, I think the spurs will have some answers. Wemby also shot like shit. Like, I think he was over 8 for 3. Did you see also that moment where he, it was maybe the best non block ever where he Almost blocked Anthony Edwards 3. It was like, how, how is this possible? But it doesn't matter because the Timberwolves have dogs and they like Terence Shannon stepping up in the moment. Nazrid Nas, Reed, Mike Conley, like, just guys that have been there, done that. And maybe not Terence Shannon, but guys who are just not afraid. Jay McDaniels, they're not afraid of the spurs, and they showed it on game one. I will say too, the spurs jerseys are just incredible. I know there's, they're like borderline, like, not even real because of some of the color schemes. But I thought the visual, not only the gameplay, but the visual of that game was sick.

[B]

Yeah. The crowd again, the crowd looks awesome. It's not intimidating, but it makes me hungry. It looks like dessert.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I look at that crowd, I think I'm about to dig into like one of those grocery store cakes that they've got the layers that are dyed the different colors. I look at that crowd, I get hungry. When I watch Wendy's.

[D]

Taco Bell.

[B]

Yeah. When I watch spurs games, I get hungry. It's like a Pavlovian thing. I think it's going to go seven. I think it's two very evenly matched teams, two very well coached teams. But that's why we don't count the

[A]

wolves out well and like you don't know where this is going to go with the Wolves again, the Divincenzo injury sucks. Anthony Edwards, hopefully he can get to 100 some point in this series. But I like more than anything. And this is going to sound like loser talk, I don't mean it this way because I do think the Timberwolves like the way they play defense. They can beat absolutely anyone. It like the last three years, like you can't tell the story of the playoffs of the Timberwolves because they just every, every big moment, they don't blink. You know what I mean? Like they just, they're ready for every

[B]

single battle starting with the play in game include.

[A]

Yeah. But including game one last night against San Antonio. And yeah, I think Wemby will probably shoot better and they'll. And I, I think would Castle. I think he fouled out like he. That might not happen. So it's like there's, there's some adjustments. But I also think that Chris Finch is a really good coach and he's figured out a way to maybe not, maybe not go to it all game. But like, hey, we can figure out ways to maybe score on Wemby when we actually need buckets late in the game.

[B]

This is a game where dads will watch it and they'll be like, you got to keep those blocks and bounds.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And swatting it into the fourth row is not doing you any good, son.

[A]

Absolutely. Okay, let's do. Should we do some. Choose your own adventure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Before we do that. DraftKings DraftKings sportsbook, the NBA playoffs are in full swing and the intensity isn't letting up. Every night delivers high stakes drama, clutch performances and unforgettable moments you'll be talking about for years. And with DraftKings, oh, we lost Hank for a second there. And with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NBA, your winnings get a boost every single day, all playoffs long playoff start. Stars turn it up round by round. And DraftKings turns it up with them with a profit boost available every Single game day from the first round all the way to the finals. Bet player props bet live. From the opening tip to the final possession. Every bucket, every dime, every clutch takeover matters. And only DraftKings sportsbook keeps boosting you all the way through. All DraftKings customers can enjoy a profit boost every single day throughout the playoffs. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app now. Use code TAKE to claim your profit boost. That's code TAKE to get a boost every day of the NBA playoffs in partnership with DraftKings. The Crown is yours. Gambling problem. Call 1-800- GAMBLER or 1-800- Myreset. New York. Call 877-8-HOPE and WHY or text HOPE and WHY Connecticut. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org on behalf of Boothill Casino in Kansas. Wager tax pass through may apply in

[C]

Illinois, 21 and over in most states.

[A]

Void in Ontario, restrictions apply. One profit boost per customer per day. NBA playoffs bets only apply and vary when offered. Max bet and boost vary. Boost only applies to winnings and expires at the end of the last NBA game each day. See terms@sportsbook draftkings.com promos lost Hank the Listen, it's, it's tough times right now for the show. We're, we're all, we're all dealing with something right now. It was, if I, if, if we could do it again, we maybe wouldn't, wouldn't stack five days in a row, but it was hell of a, hell of a weekend.

[B]

Listen, I, I'm actually doing okay right now because I follow doctor's instructions, unlike Max, which is when you come off a weekend like this, you have two beers. I had two beers last night saying at Showback Tavern.

[F]

You also didn't go out Sunday.

[B]

I had Showback Tavern. I, I, I drank two beers and then I immediately pulled the parachute. I got out of there. I was like, I'm going to go home, go to sleep, get a good 10 hours to sleep in. So I feel, I feel fresh as daisy. Max, on the other hand, refuses to listen to doctor's orders. And every time you're like, just have a beer, dude. He's just like, oh, that sounds so bad. I know it sounds bad, but that's what you have to do, Max. Your body, your body needs you.

[A]

You have to do it. You have to do it. We're telling you, actually, this is an order.

[F]

We'll see, okay?

[B]

It's part of your job to drink two beers. Two small beers.

[A]

Choose your own adventure. Calves, pistons, Calves.

[B]

Yeah, I got calves.

[A]

I'm gonna take Pistons tonight.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna take pisses.

[F]

I'll take Pistons tonight.

[A]

I'm gonna take Pistons tonight.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are the odds? I think they're minus three and a half.

[D]

They are. Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna take Pistons tonight. Feel like I'm going off of just the fact that coming out of that seven game series against a magic team that plays really good defense, maybe it will feel a little bit easier to. To play against the Cavs. So that, that might, it might just be like, oh, yeah, this was. This isn't as hard as it was playing against his magic defense. That's what I'm going with.

[B]

The Cavs by three.

[A]

Do you know a. A crazy stat. I saw that. Since 2010, James Harden has played more playoff games than 28 NBA franchises.

[B]

That's very surprising.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, he is in the playoffs every single year and it feels like every time he's in the playoffs, the series go deep.

[B]

They go deep because we remember them. Yeah, we remember when it goes deep.

[A]

I would assume the only teams that he hasn't played more than are like the Cavs and the warriors and maybe the Spurs. No, the spurs weren't in the playoffs for a little bit.

[B]

Oh, you said since 2010.

[A]

Yeah, so.

[B]

Oh, since 2010.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Warriors maybe.

[A]

Heat, yeah.

[B]

Heat maybe.

[A]

But they. Yeah, but they. They've been the last like five years.

[D]

A couple finals.

[A]

Yeah. Still a crazy stat.

[D]

So.

[A]

All right, so we have Cavs. Cavs. Max and I are taking Pistons. Zach, you're the deciding vote.

[E]

I think the Cavs will win this evening.

[A]

Okay, so Cavs memes, do you have us to take?

[D]

Who do you want next round? Memes.

[A]

Oh, good question.

[F]

We.

[A]

We have an advance to the next round.

[B]

But the Caps.

[A]

Good answer. And then sound like Hank.

[F]

This is how Hank sounded after game one.

[A]

I said we haven't advanced.

[D]

Then you said calves.

[A]

You want.

[D]

You're thinking about the Cavs, but you haven't.

[A]

If I could pick one to advance, it would be good.

[B]

Memes.

[A]

Let's get real.

[B]

You're not losing the series.

[C]

No.

[B]

You're the Knicks. You guys have won how many games in a row by 25.

[D]

Philly already won this.

[A]

You're never gonna miss a basket again. That'd be so cool.

[B]

You have the best starting lineup in the entire NBA.

[D]

Means defense is another level.

[B]

You said that. I agree with you.

[A]

You have Mr. Bing Bong. He hasn't even been activated yet. But I, I didn't.

[B]

I didn't say the best starting five.

[F]

I think I. I don't remember what

[B]

I said on Sunday.

[F]

Nothing that I said on Sunday counts.

[B]

That's ironclad defense. Yes. Don't remember. Doesn't count. That holds up in court.

[A]

Thunder, Lakers. I think the Thunder going by 25.

[B]

Yeah. Thunder. I'm gonna go Lakers. And I'm gonna go. We get the first ever father, son, double double, which should get, by the way, if. If LeBron and Bronnie. If Bronnie scores double digits, that should count towards LeBron stats, too. So, like, LeBron should get, like. Okay, LeBron has 45 points.

[A]

At least half of them. He made half of them, right?

[B]

Yeah, good point, because Bronny had 10, so we'll add seven.

[D]

Yeah, I think we should.

[A]

We should.

[D]

We should do a live choice for you right now because you made a request for a shirt for tonight.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

You got two options.

[B]

Mm.

[D]

Do we have.

[A]

I wanna.

[B]

I wanted to get a Bronnie.

[D]

There's two funny.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

So I'm curious to see which one you got.

[B]

So Dom hit me up and he was like, okay, they've got a youth medium or a adult double xl, Love. And I was like that. Those are two great choices.

[A]

Very funny. All right, let's. Let's do a little fashion show.

[B]

You want me put it on?

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Which one do we think is going to look more ridiculous? Because I think that I have a choice.

[A]

I have a. Yeah, yeah. Double XL is the funniest by far. Because you're gonna. The youth medium, you're gonna, like, kind of fit in. That is an insult. But he will. He will kind of fit in that. Yeah, I'm. I'm gonna make a pledge. Okay.

[D]

I think it's a youth large and an adult xl.

[A]

Okay. I'm gonna make a pledge, by the way, and I will. I will stay firm with this. I am not. I think the Thunder are going to kill the Lakers in this series. I think the Thunder just way, way better not. No. Duh. I'm not going to hold this against LeBron because the Thunder are just that much better of a team. Unless. Unless we get a fake LeBron injury. Then we get. We get the LeBron injury, and then. Yeah, that just fits, dude. That just fits.

[C]

Wait, Come on. Come.

[D]

Come show. Come show. Come show.

[A]

That fits. Put on the big one. Let's see the big one.

[F]

That one fits.

[B]

I don't think this fits at all.

[A]

It does. It fits. It's a youth large. Okay. That one fits. He's putting on the. The Double. Do you know what I mean, Hank? Like, if we get after this series, Sham's reports. If game.

[D]

No, if he takes himself out game three.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And then sits game. Like, if they get blown out, first two games, third quarter, game three, he, like, hurts his arm or ankle or something, and then sits for game four.

[A]

And then we get the. And then we get the report from Shams, like, the next day, saying if they had advanced, LeBron would have been out for three to five weeks.

[F]

Is that an XL or a double XL?

[C]

It's an XL.

[F]

XL. Okay. That one.

[A]

That actually. That actually looks good. Yeah. I think you fit in every size. My body type just.

[B]

I'm like an anamorph.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like a goldfish. I expand to the size of the tank that I'm putting.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean, though? Hank with the. The Sean suit, he'll be like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, if they had advanced, LeBron would have been out three to five weeks just. Just to prove that it was really real. So that's my. That's my pledge. Pft. I'm not going to hold this series against LeBron unless he does a fake injury. Yeah. When they're down, like, three.

[B]

Okay, what now? What if Luca comes back, like, game three, and then the Lakers go on a little run and the lakers tie it 2, 2. Then if they lose, would you then hold against LeBron?

[A]

No, because I think the Thunder is just better than the Lakers. Like, I'm not. I'm not going into this being a blind LeBron hater, being like, oh, my God, can't believe you lost in the second round. The Thunder are better than the Lakers. They are much better. Throttled them in the regular season.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just expect them to throttle them again in this series.

[B]

Okay, so the spread is 15 and a half. That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Disrespect for the goat. I'm gonna pour honey. Yeah. Pour honey on you, goat. And what. What do they call a goat's kid? What's the name of that? The kid of a goat is called Go.

[A]

Oh, Billy.

[B]

The code. Oh, no, it's the kid.

[A]

It's a kid. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, the kid. So the goat and the kid. That's disrespectful to you. Goat and kid.

[A]

What's a baby goat? It's a kid.

[B]

It's. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it is a kid. Well, that doesn't.

[B]

The goat and the kid. That'd be the. They're probably gonna have a podcast together.

[A]

Yeah. So we call kids. How's that work?

[C]

It was a baby kid. A goat.

[A]

What are the other. What are the other babies? I know.

[B]

A baby kid. A baby.

[A]

I know. Joey's a kangaroo, right?

[B]

Joey's kangaroo. Yeah. That's probably the best one.

[A]

What's. What are the other ones?

[B]

What's a puppy is a kit. Is a fox a kit? Or am I making that one up?

[A]

All right, I'm gonna look it up. I think do a little fun. What are baby.

[B]

Baby animal Animals.

[A]

What are baby animals? Okay. Squirrel is a pup kit or kitten. That doesn't make any sense. Termite is larvae.

[B]

What's a whale is a calf.

[A]

Alligator is a hatchling. Whale is wallabies. Also a joey. Wallabies are wallabies. Get slept on. They're cute as.

[B]

They're tiny, tiny little kangaroos.

[A]

Yeah. Whales are calves. Oh. A wolf is a pupper. A whelp.

[C]

Welp.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's what you call it when they're sucking the.

[A]

So should we call them the Minnesota whelps?

[B]

Well, I think they stop sucking the teat. I think they grab. They're no longer on teeth.

[A]

Okay. Oh, wombats. Also a Joey would. We got chicks, Obviously.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Let's see. What other zebra is a cult or a foil.

[B]

What is. What about like a. I'm thinking of the other NBA teams that we can go through to figure out to make them little. Yeah. Which. What would be, I guess a cav.

[A]

Trying to look. A raccoon's a cub. Bears cub.

[B]

What's a baby Celtic? I don't know. Deuce.

[C]

Oh, Porky.

[A]

He's. He's like. He's like 15 now.

[C]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

It sucks. They show him. Like, that kid is way too old now. Porcupine is a porcupet.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. A platypus is a puggle. That's a cool one.

[B]

It's a. What's a baby hug Ever.

[A]

Pug ever has a kid will call him puggle.

[B]

Yeah, a little puggle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A baby.

[A]

Nick, Trying to think if there's any other cool ones. I'm looking. I'm scrolling.

[B]

Kb.

[A]

This is some really interesting stuff right now. I know. A monkey's an infant. That makes no sense to me.

[B]

What's a. What about a grizzly cub, Right?

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Trying to find if there's any other cool ones. Hog is a Pharaoh. You guys got to fill in the times when I'm scrolling.

[B]

Okay. What do you think a baby.

[A]

A goat is also Billy. It's a kid in a Billy.

[B]

What about a baby? A Baby nugget.

[A]

Baby nugget. Zach. Feel like that. You're. You're a nugget.

[E]

Baby nugget. Would that be popcorn chicken?

[A]

Yeah, that would be. There you go. Yeah. Nice.

[B]

Or Graham.

[A]

Yeah. What's. What. The king is a dauphine. Is that what it is?

[B]

The dolphin.

[A]

Yeah, the dolphin.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

The. The kid that. The fat in France that everyone wanted to kill.

[B]

The French. The fat French that smelled really bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're like, we're probably. We should be done with monarchs after. After meeting this kid.

[A]

What's the sun, Zach?

[E]

A son?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Maybe Son.

[B]

Is it Star? Junior Star.

[E]

That makes all the sense.

[D]

Well, no.

[B]

Start.

[A]

The sun is a star, so stop.

[E]

Pluto.

[C]

What?

[A]

Did you just take a R off the.

[B]

You're. I don't think you're allowed to use that word. I think only stars can use that word.

[A]

What about a Piston? No, don't have it.

[B]

I think it's just.

[A]

Don't have it.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

I think it's just a cylinder.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't got it, Hank. What about a net? Is that just string? Yeah, like one lace of string. Lace the laces.

[B]

That'd be very cute. Mascot. Like a little. A little shoelace.

[A]

Single lace.

[B]

Hey, guys. Welcome to the Brooklyn.

[C]

I'm here to help y' all win

[B]

a basketball game today. You got to throw a basketball through me and win the prize.

[A]

That was. I don't even know.

[C]

We're having fun.

[B]

We're having fun.

[A]

We're having fun right now. We're having a good time. What other. So, wait, what? Everyone's. Everyone's thunder. You're. You're picking the Lakers to win this game?

[B]

Not really. I'm picking the Lakers cover.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, Lakers cover 15 and a half and then. You never know with Bronnie.

[A]

You never know.

[F]

I'll pick Lakers to win.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

I don't know.

[F]

Just somebody.

[A]

You can't on Friday say, I don't know what I said on Tuesday.

[F]

I. I don't care about being wrong about this.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, none of us care about this. It doesn't matter.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know What? Thunder by 35 memes.

[F]

Lakers by 26,

[A]

Lakers by 17.

[B]

Oh, I like the Lakers.

[C]

You do?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Why LeBron. LeBron's gotta go all the way. He's gonna go all the way. I just want him to go all the way. Is that so that the Knicks could beat him? No, it's just a great story in basketball.

[F]

Oh, yeah. You just don't want to. You just don't want to play the

[A]

fun we see right through this. Or the Timberwolves. I do like Timberwolves. Dant went down would be also a

[B]

great story if they made to the finals.

[A]

Okay. All right. Do we have any. Do you have any? Oh, I had one other story before. Before we do Hot Sea Cool throne. Jacoby Brissett is holding out.

[B]

Yeah. Maybe the weirdest holdout of all time.

[A]

What's up with that?

[B]

Well, when you're Jacoby Brissette, dude, you have all the leverage in the world. What are the Arizona Cardinals going to do? Go out and get another quarterback that will have you win four games next year?

[A]

It's.

[B]

They don't. I mean, they'll be. Brissettes don't grow on trees.

[A]

No, but credit to him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's just like, hey, I'm going to hold out. Okay.

[B]

I think.

[A]

Is it the. Is it. Is it the most non consequential holdout of all time?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But.

[A]

So. Which makes it actually kind of cool. So, like, I kind of want to be tuned in on this holdout.

[B]

I admire his, his confidence. What's his. What's his contract like going into next year? Pulling that up right now. He sent a two year, $12.5 million contract going next year. So, yeah, he is making. He's making some pretty good money this year for Jacoby Brissette. We're talking a base salary of 4.8 and signing bonus of 1.7 with up to $2 million in incentives next year. Now, the incentives, who knows what they are? They might not get hit. But if you're Jacoby Brissette, I think you're thinking to yourself, what's the worst that could happen to me? I don't have to be a starting quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals next year. Okay. Don't threaten me with a good time. Yeah, like, that's gonna suck. Next year's gonna suck.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think he's like, maybe I can make a little more money. Extra couple million dollars here. Or if they cut me, then I'll get signed to be a backup for like $3 million on a team that might win.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The. We. It also brought up the. So we're. We're. I don't know if you guys feel this way, but the combo of being on the west coast, having the trip we're having, I feel so, like removed from the world right now. So I don't really know what's going on, but. So wake up, barstool. I usually am on. On Tuesdays. There's a group chat for the Tuesday show. Matt, great producer of Wake Up Barstool, put this in the group chat. I don't know what the context is, but I thought I would just read it out loud because I think it's funny and we need to hold this guy to it. This is from Dirtbag Donnie. He said in the end or middle of last season, he said, if Jacoby Brissette finally gets a chance as an NFL starter next year, I'll fill the Grand Canyon with jizz. He deserves it has always had talent, but a great pro, great teammate. Everyone loves him. I've been on it over 10 years. Check my tweets. He's a good QB. So, Dirtbag Donnie, this is a big holdout for you, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like huge.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, the Grand Canyon is pretty big. I. I've been there, seen in person, and the first thing I thought was like, you'd have to nut about a million times to fill this thing up.

[A]

I would say far, far more than that.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

I don't think a million times. What's a dent into it?

[B]

It doesn't put a dent into it. But what. So what he would have to do, this guy, Dirt bag.

[A]

What? Dirtbag Donnie.

[B]

He would have to get just really good at logistics and, like, start a jizz removal service. Like, you know how restaurants have. Have grease trap removal services that come and pick up the oil.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

After they're done with it. Like, this guy needs to start that, but for fertility clinics and just be like, you got the expired jizz and then start like, taking it by the truckload to the Grand Canyon. If he wants to have any shot at all for it.

[A]

All right, so I don't understand numbers past billion. What. What is a quadrillion? What is that one?

[B]

That's a billion with four more zeros maybe.

[A]

But what is it? Is it. What does it go. Billion, millions. We really need a math guy. We. Billions, millions. Billions, trillions.

[B]

Then probably quite. Quadrillion.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

1,000 trillion.

[A]

One. 1,000 trillion. And how many. How many trillions is a billion?

[B]

That's a thousand billions.

[A]

Thousand billions. Okay, got it. It would take 8.3 quadrillion people to fill up the Grand Canyon with piss.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So this is so much more liquid. I know. I'm just trying to give us a base.

[B]

But it's not like, is somebody going to be checking every load? Is someone going to be checking every load? Be like, that looked more like piss.

[C]

This.

[B]

Suck it back up.

[A]

All right, fine. I'll search What? How long does it take to fill the Grand Canyon with jits?

[B]

It also depends on what. What kind of. What kind of jizz? Like, are we talking about. We're talking about strictly human jizz. Are we talking, like, we can collect and farm the jizz from animals? Because then we've got a lot of, like, you know, factory farm situations, just hook up milkers to the dicks of the animals. And then now you're getting, like, anches because you get fishes. Like, if you open it up globally. I feel like we're now in a more manageable situation.

[F]

I think you're looking. It's got to be horses. Horses is where you got to be. Yeah, but you're going. Answers, answer doing nothing.

[B]

Do you know how many. How many more ants there are in the world than horses? Probably, like a quadrillion.

[F]

A quadrillion, but probably a quadrillion. Amount of anches would equal one horseshit.

[B]

Can you call that.

[A]

No, no, hold on.

[B]

Look up.

[A]

I'm gonna look up inches next. But I just wanted to. I have a. I have a answer on the jizz. It would take one. Wait, 2960-001000-00290, 600,000. Wait, how do I say that? How do I say that?

[B]

290 600,000.

[A]

296,000 years to reach to fill up the Grand Canyon with jizz if every dude on Earth was coming into it.

[B]

Now, are you asking our sound guys

[A]

looking at us like, what the.

[C]

Did I walk in?

[B]

Are you asking AI that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because AI is notoriously anti jizz.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

That's not a relative. I do want to know, like, how much.

[A]

How much do ants jizz?

[B]

Yeah. What is the. How many ants blowing ropes? How many ants would need to blow their rope to equivalent one session of horse.

[A]

Oh, I like this. The ants ejaculate is called spermatosa.

[B]

So is ours.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, okay. I'm learning new every second here. I didn't know there was a full name for it.

[B]

Yeah, spermatozoa.

[A]

So we're just being. We're being really casual when we say sperm.

[B]

Yeah, sperm.

[A]

We're.

[B]

We're doing the familiar.

[A]

All right. This isn't giving me. This isn't giving me ejected bundles of 50 to 100 spermatosa. That seems light.

[B]

Wait, so they got only 50 sperm that they probably go, like, single file out there?

[A]

Yeah, that's light. They're just a dust in it.

[B]

But if they're. If their sperm is as big as our sperm, then it'd Be like them walking a dog, like their pet. It'd be like the size of a dog to them.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But it's not. They only come 50 times. 50 sperm at a time.

[A]

All right, so, Dirtbag Donnie, you gotta just watch out. Jacoby Brissette, hold out. It's gonna be big. Huge for you, dude.

[B]

I mean, there's. I'll be honest with you, Dirtbag Donnie. This seems like a tough problem to solve.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know that you're gonna be able to, like, in this lifetime make enough people come. Yeah, but good luck.

[A]

Also. Shout out. We didn't. We should have said it for the next Sixers game. Shout out. Timothy Chalamet, real ball. Ball lover. Yep. Didn't go to the Met gala. Yep.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do we have a comment about Ben Stiller? That was gonna be my.

[B]

My hot seat.

[A]

Oh, sorry. We can wait. We'll wait. We'll wait. Let me do an ad. We'll wait.

[B]

I don't want anybody to steal Hanks whose backs are hot seat cool throws.

[A]

Yeah, let's. Let's. Let me. Let me do an ad. We're good. You're right, Max. That was a deep sigh there, dude. That was a deep sigh.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

It's been a long couple days.

[A]

Okay. This episode is brought to you by body armor flash IV. We need some flash IVs in here. Flash IV is packed with electrolytes delivering faster, longer lasting hydration without any artificial dyes, flavors, or sweeteners. Whether you're training, traveling, or just feeling the heat, work hard and hydrate hard with body armor flash IV. Grab it at 7:11 today. We're gonna go grab them right now. We got to get some. Go to 7:11 before we go to the live show. Grab some Body Armor Flash IVs. Get ourselves back to neutral here. Body Armor Flash IV. Incredible. Whether you're training, traveling, or just feeling the heat, work hard and hydrate hard with body armor flash IV. Grab it at 7:11 today, Henry.

[D]

My hot seat is me, Max. Shane. Dante. Jack McCarthy. Chef Donnie.

[A]

Why? We.

[D]

We were all. Sunday night after we recorded, we. We went to the club. Loud, luxury eating beats. Zach was there as well, and we took a picture together. Big group picture. And I've seen people talk, you know, say the word mogging. Like in the last month or so, I haven't. I kind of understood what it was. Didn't fully understand what it meant, like, by dictionary definition. And then Donnie posted this picture and it. It really all put in perspective what. What mocking was. We were we were smiling. We were, you know, just taking a nice picture. Zach. And I'm standing next to him. Bodied.

[A]

Mocked.

[D]

Absolute bodied. I was smiling just while we were taking a boy's picture, and Zach was standing next to me, 10 toes down. Mean mugging the camera.

[A]

Not only that.

[D]

Looked as hard as a human being could possibly look.

[A]

And the craziest part is he did on, like, expert mode because he was wearing tuxedo shoes for no reason.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

And just mogged you with the tuxedo shoes, which looked ridiculous, but it didn't matter.

[B]

And just naturally doing the. The right hand motion.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

The power hand sign. And then the fact that Zach lost his glasses, that just makes him more powerful because now people see his eyes more clearly, and they're like. Yeah, you dominated that picture.

[E]

That was a good, great, great group photo.

[A]

Special moment, you know, though. You know what you did.

[B]

You knew what you were doing.

[A]

You know what you did. It was.

[E]

Admit everybody looked great.

[D]

Just a complete domination.

[A]

What were with the shoes, though?

[E]

There's just some loafers I like. I like wearing a good loafer out, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I can't go sports coat because I'll get too sweaty. So maybe we go a little. We keep it a little less casual. Go dress shoe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hank, do you have any tuxedo shoes?

[D]

I have. I have a pair of dress shoes, and I got a. I got a. Hopefully getting a tuxedo tomorrow.

[A]

Well, no, we all do. All the boys got to get tuxedos. Yeah.

[D]

No, I thought that was gonna be, like, our group activity today.

[A]

Max is good tuxedos.

[D]

We gotta respectfully pass.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You got.

[A]

You got. You got bodied.

[D]

Just bodied, like, truly, truly, utterly. And. Yeah, that's. That's what you knew.

[C]

What you.

[D]

You knew you were mogging me.

[E]

No, I thought you knew what that

[D]

meant, and you knew what you were doing.

[E]

I thought we'd just take, like, a good group photo. What a time. Yeah.

[D]

I didn't know we were mogging up.

[E]

I didn't.

[D]

No one else did either.

[E]

I just.

[D]

Smiles look so bad when you're sitting next to a guy who's just.

[E]

I might have just caught the smile. Like, I might have smiled late. So then it's hard to. Time to smile on a photo sometimes.

[B]

You had that on too. Admit it.

[E]

I think. No, a lot of guys have some great outfits.

[B]

No, I mean, you got that on.

[E]

I. I wear the same thing very regularly. Pretty much just this with dress shoes.

[B]

How many black shirts do you own?

[E]

I got quite a few.

[B]

You had to Put a number on it.

[E]

If I had to put a number on it, probably like just watching.

[A]

Zach's just got a runny nose. I know. I'm just so runny.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[E]

I'm gonna wipe snot anywhere. I know what to do.

[B]

If we had to put a number on how many black T shirts you had.

[E]

Probably. Probably like 80 to 90.

[A]

Respect.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

He just buys new ones. Did you say you like. You just buy a new black T shirts every week or something?

[E]

They're just like. They're $2. You know what I mean? So you just. It works out.

[A]

These are $2 shirts you're wearing, you're buying.

[E]

Yeah, I'm just a $2 T shirt guy.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So 80, 90. That's nothing.

[E]

Over the course of so many months, you just. They.

[A]

You hire them, like, in j. Like, being like, I have 90 T shirts that cost me $180. That's a great deal.

[E]

Oh, bar a steel.

[A]

Yeah, I agree. 100. $180 is like, some people buy one T shirt. That's that.

[E]

Yeah. You go a lot of these stores, you go out 40, 50 bucks for a T shirt. No, that's just. What are we doing?

[A]

Yeah, what are we doing? What are we doing? For that price, you can get 25.

[E]

You could. You get a case?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You did get MOG, though, Hank.

[D]

Hard.

[E]

You look great in that photo, Hank.

[A]

They didn't.

[D]

No, not even close. People are saying I look short, too.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Oh, man. No.

[D]

Never one.

[A]

I took a picture next to our good friend Frank Kaminsky. That one was tough.

[B]

Yeah, I feel bad for that one. Hang out with tall guys.

[A]

That's tough. He's acting hell right now, Michael.

[D]

Throwing shallow me.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You skipped the Met gala, Went to game one. Ben Stiller did not do the same. I mean, it is. It is. It's as fake as you can be. And it just.

[B]

It's.

[D]

It's tough. There's no good explanation other than just like, you're.

[C]

You're.

[D]

Your wife owns you.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Like, how can you.

[B]

How can you. What, guys can't appreciate galas?

[D]

Wow. Well, you can't be like, I'm a die hard Knicks fan or what if

[A]

he's watching on his phone?

[D]

You can go to the game. Why? Like, why? Like, you're. It's fine. And that's fine. Like, marriage is, you know, compromise. You got to make compromises. But, like, it's. You can't say anything other than just

[B]

like, what if he was like, you watch Ben Stiller shows, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you watch? You watch Severance.

[D]

Love severance.

[B]

What if he was like out making severance instead of going to a Knicks game? What would you say?

[D]

Totally understandable.

[A]

What if the other Ben Stiller was at the game?

[B]

It was as any. Or his Audi that was at the Met Gala.

[A]

Yeah. What if he went. What if he went any for the Met gala left and then just watched the game?

[D]

I don't.

[C]

I don't.

[D]

I don't.

[B]

If you're.

[D]

If you have a work commitment, that's fine. That's. That's life, everyone.

[A]

He should have gone. He should have shown up with his wife. Just having a leash on him. That would have been a funny Met Gal thing. Look at me, guys. I'm getting. I'm going for a walk.

[D]

Yeah. And like a little Nick's pen and be like, you know.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But yeah, he like a little c. They put down a little Sixers fire hydrant. He pees on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Been cute.

[D]

Well, respect. Respect to sh. Man. He. He. He said the m. I'm going to game one.

[B]

Did you keep that same energy for Travis Kelce?

[D]

What do you mean?

[B]

There was a. A viral going around where Sam Smith looked a lot like Travis Kelsey at the Met Gala to the point where like people actually thought that it was Travis Kelsey showing up to the Met Gala like a black peacock dress.

[D]

That did make me laugh.

[B]

Yeah, it was funny.

[A]

Mike.

[B]

I was just.

[A]

I. We talk about every year. It's so stupid. It's so confusing and I just done with it.

[B]

There have to be great drugs inside though.

[D]

Ben Seller said bring it. I know who I am.

[A]

Whipped.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That might be as any talking.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. Hank.

[C]

I think.

[A]

I think he literally. He figured out the technology. What is severance coming back?

[B]

Probably never. Because it's going to take two years.

[D]

Yeah. I don't think they. They didn't know if they're getting greenlit for season two to like the end of season one. So it's not like they weren't making it currently on season three or see whatever. They didn't know they're making season three until the end of season.

[A]

So they kind of wanted to be. I kind of want.

[C]

They started doing season three.

[A]

I kind of wanted this to be the last season.

[B]

I kind of.

[A]

I don't want. It's such a good show.

[B]

It's a great show. But if Ben Stiller is smart and he really wants to spend more time at his galas, he could just stop making the show and then everybody for a second would be like, what the. You're not gonna make season three. But then it will be remembered as a great TV show and leave people wanting way more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you walk away. Because, like, there's a high probability. There's, like, one show that I can remember that actually ended in a way that fans were like, yeah, that was a good ending to this show.

[A]

Game of Thrones.

[B]

Game of Thrones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bram. Everybody was like, I'm so glad that

[A]

we were rooting for this whole time.

[B]

And he's got the birds. Don't forget about that. That's gonna be cool. But that's the only one I can think of besides that everybody's like, their favorite TV show sucks the way it ended.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If I'm Ben Stiller, I would just say, I know we're working on severance. Turns out, because you guys were very mean to me online, we're not gonna do it.

[A]

Henry Lockwood shamed me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you know what? No. No severance for you. Yeah.

[B]

Hank, why don't you go ahead with your little barstool production group. Last season of Severance, which I would actually love to see.

[A]

I would like to see that as well. Imagine, though, Ben, what would you do if you woke up, let's say, tomorrow, Thursday morning, and you have 100 missed calls, like, 200 missed texts, and you try to figure it out? It's. Ben Stiller has done a press conference, and he said, I listened to part of my take on Wednesday, and I've decided that there's not going to be any more severance because Henry Lockwood was such a jerk.

[D]

To me, I'd say he's soft, and I think people would agree with me.

[A]

Oh, so you wouldn't. You'd be okay with the whole world being mad at you for severance not coming?

[C]

I. I don't think.

[D]

I think that'd be misguided anger. I think they should be mad. That'd just be an excuse by. By.

[E]

Still.

[A]

What if you threw in some mental health right in your face?

[D]

Again. Soft.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

What do you think?

[A]

Grow up.

[D]

You're a New York guy.

[B]

Would you ever get mad if any, like, part of my take. Listeners got upset with you for missing a podcast? Like, I do something you love to do, like golf.

[D]

No, I mean, part of my take. Listeners get mad at me every day. That's. That's true. Like, I'm.

[A]

You live in. You live in mad.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're born in the mad. Yeah.

[D]

That's fine.

[A]

Bring it. Probably make you uncomfortable if they loved

[D]

you bring it on. I know who I am. As Ben Stiller would say.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Pft. Your hot sequel drone.

[B]

My hot se is a Toronto Maple Leafs. They're on the hot seat. They hired a new general manager yesterday by the name of John Chayka. And they've lost Biz.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Biz said, I'm out now. It takes a lot.

[A]

Why?

[B]

For Biz to be out. This guy used to work for. For Arizona, for the Coyotes. And he quit one day before the playoffs start. He abandoned the team one day before the playoffs start after saying that he was not interviewing other places. He's also a guy that has. He got the team in Trouble. Back in 2020, they made him surrender, like a first and a second round draft pick because he was doing his own private combines for players outside of the NHL system. That wrong. But then he got caught doing it.

[A]

That's awesome. Which was very combines.

[B]

And then he lied about it. And so everybody's like, yeah, this guy, he left his last team in disarray. He's like a big stats guy, like a wonder nerd that rubbed all the hockey guys the wrong way. I saw one interview with a reporter saying that he went to go interview him inside his office, and he walked into his office and he had six computers that were set up all around him, displaying live data like it was the stock market, but it wasn't actually showing anything that was connected to hockey at all. He just had, like, computers that made it look like he was monitoring graphs behind him.

[A]

I'm in on this guy. He sounds like a fake business, like master.

[B]

Yes, so. So Leaf fans are very upset about it. That same reporter also, I should say, that reporter that told that story sounds like he's got an ax to grind against this gm. Because at the press conference with the Leafs ownership yesterday, he's. He asked a question which is basically, I hate this general manager. I asked 20 general managers around the league what they thought of him. 19 out of 20 said that they hate the guy. Your comment, like that was his question.

[A]

Love that.

[B]

So Leaf's fans are upset. Biz is upset. This guy's got a hilarious track record of thinking he's the smartest man in any room that he's in. You tried everything else if you're the Leafs? Maybe just. Maybe just trust the guy. Yeah, maybe if you believe that he's the smartest man.

[A]

What if he is the smartest man?

[B]

Maybe all he needs is somebody to, like, believe his lies with him and then you can accomplish great things. I don't know. Good luck.

[A]

They laughed at Sam Hinkey, too.

[B]

They did. And that man is responsible for the single greatest sports victory in Philadelphia history.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You did it. Maybe one day the Leafs will also win a first round playoff series.

[F]

Was that something at me?

[A]

He's so slow right now. You're so slow.

[B]

My cool throne.

[A]

Yeah, no, we weren't talking about you at all. All right, cool. Yeah.

[B]

My cool throne is supreme debate. So Big Cat just asked Hank what it was like. Would it be like if he woke up tomorrow morning and he had a hundred text messages and how long it would take him to like, stop freaking out and figure out what was going on? That was my experience. On Monday morning, I woke up, I had a text from Big Cat in the group chat that said, congrats pft. With absolutely no follow up to it whatsoever by anybody. And then I had to figure out what Big Cat is congratulating me for. So first off, I go online, I start looking up, did something happen with the commanders? Do we sign Brandon Aiuk? Is Jaden Daniels? Is he getting married to a non relative woman? What's so exciting that Big Cat is pumped up about? And then I found out that Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith would get back together.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And it's all that I've ever wanted since 2016 when they broke up.

[A]

You're the very first person I thought

[B]

of that anyone out there. And it's crazy me. Like, we're doing a lot of look back at 2016 moments. Doing a lot of like, I can't believe this was 10 years ago today. Like this morning I woke up and I saw a tweet. It was like, it's a 10th anniversary. This banger. It was Donald Trump eating the taco bowl in Trump Tower on Cinco de Mayo.

[A]

Dude, that taco bowl actually looks awesome.

[B]

It did look pretty good.

[A]

I would go for a taco bowl.

[B]

So we're doing a lot of look back from 10 years. My big look back 10 years ago is Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith breaking up. Because if you never watch those two together on tv, as Skip said, like, they reached almost dangerous levels of debate. Supreme Debate is where they were. And I got. I was fortunate enough to watch them up close in person. I got a live show one time, front row tickets to that boxing match. And it was better than any heavyweight fight. It delivered like these guys. It was their destiny to get back together. Skip got tired of beating up on cupcakes, going up against Ernestine for too long. So it's like, they're. They're going back. I think they're just doing one show together, but this is how it starts. So, like, this is. This gives me hope for anybody out there that's trying to do the Parent Trap, get Mom and dad back together, they still love each other deep down. Like, we did it. We got Skip and Stephen a. In a room together. They're going to debate each other. It's gonna be mad and. And Skip's gonna be like, I can't believe. I can't believe I lied to myself and I said that debating Shannon was like, holding a candle to you, Skip.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, you set me off like nobody else. Stephen A. Smith said it will be me and Skip Bayless reuniting for the first time in nearly a decade. He's got stuff he wants to get off his chest, but what he really, really wants to get off his chest is me. Oh, I love that. That's an Artie Lang Joe Buck special, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't. I can't be any more excited if this is. I'm pumped. This is perfect television. But we're.

[A]

Yeah, because, well, it's only one show.

[B]

That's what they're saying.

[A]

But it's, like, gonna get hot. You think it's gonna take, like, a few minutes for them to get the, you know, like, feel it out, or you think it's gonna be right back to just.

[B]

I think that Skip Bayless is so bad at, like, friendship or, like, interpersonal communication that I think what's gonna. They're just gonna dive right back into it.

[C]

We need.

[A]

We need, like, a LeBron buzzer beater on Thursday night. Yeah, yeah, something like that.

[B]

To really get the.

[A]

To really get us going.

[B]

Well, no, I don't know, because Skip, he did the masterful thing of, like, taking the opposite route. He loves Bronnie. He hates LeBron. What we really. I think the best scenario would be, like, LeBron scoring 48, 11 rebounds, seven assists. But he misses one of two foul shots in the last 30 seconds, and the Lakers lose by one point. That would be the best possible scenario for. For the takes when these two get together.

[A]

Yeah, Agreed. Okay. My hot seat is first. Jalen Brown. So, Jaylen Brown, we talked about it a little bit on Sunday because he was live on Twitch saying it was his favorite year playing basketball, talking about flopping. He then deleted the Twitch stream, which. That will always work. And then in the last hour, he has, like, that.

[D]

It might have been copyright.

[A]

The Twitch stream. Yeah, his own Twitch stream.

[D]

He was looking at like highlights and videos?

[A]

No, the NBA, they're actually. They're actually pretty good with that. I think they're. They actually let. They. They want people to share their highlights.

[D]

You don't know that for a fact.

[A]

No, I do know that for a fact. Have you ever gotten a copyright for the NBA?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No, you haven't.

[C]

Yeah, I have.

[A]

No, you haven't.

[D]

We have Barcelona.

[A]

When?

[D]

I mean, many times.

[B]

Many times.

[D]

You can't just use. You can't. Like they are. They're cool with sharing highlights, but you can't just re. Broadcast highlights for your own personal monetization zone.

[A]

Personal highlights.

[D]

No, it's that it was the game. He's just re. Watching the game either way.

[A]

He just.

[D]

Networks and other people involved. It's not just the NBA.

[A]

He just tweeted. Clickbait is like flopping for the media, exaggerating contact. You all be safe out here.

[D]

So true.

[A]

What.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

What does that mean?

[B]

Say it again.

[D]

Click baiting.

[A]

Clickbait is like. It's like flopping for the media, exaggerating contact. Y' all be safe out here.

[D]

Yeah, it means they're. They're using clickbait and they're reaching.

[A]

But how is it clickbait when it's his own words?

[D]

Because of the way that the article aggregators write thing in. In the clips that they use specifically context, there's missing context.

[B]

So it's like the clip. The clipping accounts out there, they. They clip things in a way that removes all the background. So like when Jalen Brown is talking about the refs, actually, if you had heard the entire context of that discussion where he was talking about the refs because he was upset about losing Game 7, then it could have been in a better light. Is that what you're saying? Hey, but I don't think that it would. I think that, like, when he's talking. When he's complaining about the game, I think that kind of stands on its own.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't love this.

[D]

I. I don't like. I. I wish that he, you know, maybe took some time off. I think. I think it's still. The feelings are probably still raw for him. And. And if he had just taken a little time off and then, you know, after a week on the beach or whatever, decided, like, he still is really passionate enough that he has to go on a Twitch stream, it might come across a little better. But doing anything with the. With the wound this fresh, it never really works out for the person.

[A]

I have a question. Big cat in the car ride for the five minutes that you were awake, you said something about Giannis going to the Celtics. Yeah, and then I replied, well, that would be the end of Jason Tatum and Jalen Brown. And then you kind of didn't reply after that. Did you think you were gonna get Giannis without giving up Jalen?

[D]

You never know.

[A]

You just thought maybe you never do. You truly never know. A nice package of Sam Houser in. In Shireman. Yeah, we'll get you Giannis.

[D]

Yeah, you never know.

[A]

Do you want Giannis?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I trust Brad Stevens. If we get Giannis, I like, I'm sure it's. It would be.

[A]

What if it costs you Jalen Brown?

[D]

That would suck.

[A]

Knowing Hank, this is now going to happen. Like, he's going to trade all the bench in the. And they're gonna get Giannis, Jalen Brown and Jason Tatum.

[D]

I don't know. I. I love Jalen Brown. I. And I'm trying to see his side and I kind of like, I was trying to see where he was coming from with the best season of his career, where it's like, yeah, you know, you can't tie your. Your self worth into strictly into results and that, you know, maybe like what he was saying is like, he got to see a lot of the team grow and he grew a lot himself. So he was trying to put a positive spin on the season. It's just tough. It's. It's a tough quote given the, you know, the Tatum injury and the fact that he was like the sole leader of.

[A]

Careful. It sounds like you're about to flop.

[D]

So I do try to see. Aside and I kind of see where he's coming from, but again, like this, fresh off of a series loss.

[B]

It's.

[D]

Yeah, it's a tough quote.

[A]

Less than 24 hours, so.

[D]

And. And then the other side of me was like, maybe he is. Maybe he's trying to force his way out. Like, I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So I.

[B]

Can I give you something?

[D]

I don't think I. I think Giannis is like. Everyone says they're like, that he is the keys. He is the biggest flopper when it comes to like, trade rumors and stuff. Like, true. He always says he's going to be here, he's going to be there, and then he ends up back in Milwaukee. I do think Joan Brown and Jason Datum will be on the Celtics next year without Giannis, but you gotta tweet that tomorrow.

[A]

What Giannis trade rumors is like flopping for the media exaggerating.

[B]

Contact.

[A]

You all be safe out here, okay?

[D]

Yeah, it's true.

[A]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

Hank, I have a spin zone for you. I kind of mean this about. About Jalen Brown. Like, is there a possibility that when he was talking about this being the best season of his career, like, this was a season where he had to do it on his own and he had to lead the team, and he was. Maybe he was unsure of himself going into that year because he'd always had Jason Tatum as. Like, if the relationship was as good as you. You always tell me that it is, that it was like, that's big, bro. That's. You know, we've. We've always done it together. I don't know if I can step up and fill the shoes of both of us on my own this year. And then he did that, and that's, like, big personal growth for him. The fact that he was able to do something that he was. He maybe doubted himself.

[A]

He proved it to himself.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Proven to himself.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's what I was saying. I was trying to see it from his side. And, like, again, it's not the sign of personal growth. Should not be tied strictly to results.

[A]

Yeah, good point. Well said.

[B]

Yeah. Process, trust.

[A]

Really well said.

[D]

Thanks.

[A]

My other hot seat is George Santos, because this. This JP Morgan, this guy is just addicted to lying. He's. So they threw out his first. His. What do you call, lawsuit. Then it came out that he lied, potentially allegedly lied to JP Morgan that his dad died.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then they found his dad, and his dad was. I'm alive. And then he filed another lawsuit. So this is like, George. Remember when George Santos just kept on going with the lies, and just every week, he just throw another one out there.

[B]

This guy, he. He has to run for Congress.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's the only way out of this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I actually, like, I don't respect it because he seems like maybe something's going on. Not very all there. But I respect the fact that, like, he's, like, doubling and tripling down. Like, I'm just gonna throw more lawsuits at this thing.

[B]

I. I did love the, like, little details that he put in the lawsuit to make himself look and feel even better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like. And then she reached down. She grabbed my leg. She's like, you must be a basketball player. Because he wanted just to seem like he was tall and strong and cool inside the lawsuit that he's filing for looking, like, weak and, like, he was getting, like, assaulted. He's like. But also, she respected how strong I was at the same time. Yeah. This guy's. It looks like he's lied about just about everything that. That he wrote down, but I feel like this one's probably getting thrown out too. The reason I thought this was always kind of fishy was because, like, JP Morgan. Not sure if you're familiar with their game. They've got a lot of money.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And they've got a lot of. When you have a lot of money, you tend to have a lot of lawyers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And their legal team was like, yeah, we're not. We're not even engaging with this lawsuit at the time because it's, like, so clearly frivolous. My guess is they probably did some investigating when this guy followed. Filed his complaint with them. Also, big red flag. I don't think a woman has said cannons. She would not refer to. To her own boobs as cannons.

[A]

Disagree.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Nancy Pelosi.

[B]

That you do.

[A]

She definitely does.

[B]

No, she doesn't.

[A]

Oh, my. Dude, you don't wear that bathing suit that Nancy Pelosi is wearing and. And not say to everyone, hey, the cannons are out.

[B]

I think she says, I'm bringing the girls out.

[A]

No, she. Oh, no, those aren't girls. Those are cannons.

[B]

Dudes. Dudes say, can women say.

[A]

Pelosi says, can women.

[B]

Women are like tatas.

[A]

Nah. Pelosi says, when you have what Pelosi has, those are cannons.

[B]

I think I could. I could understand it in that lawsuit if he had said, like, rack.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, look at my rack.

[D]

Yeah. I feel like they just call them the girls.

[B]

Yeah, the girls.

[A]

Not when you have cannons like Pelosi.

[B]

The fun bags.

[A]

Fun bags.

[B]

I got. Let me take my milkers out for you. The milkers.

[A]

All right. My cool throne. Two of them. One is the Chicago Bulls, because they might have hired the correct gm. We will. We don't know. But they didn't hire Matthew Lloyd, who was Matt Lloyd, who was their. You know, in house. Like, hey, this is just gonna be the Reinsdorf hire. They hired Bryson Graham from Pelicans and Hawks, and he was part of the trade. He was on the right side of the Hawks Pelicans trademark when the. When the Hawks fleece the Pelicans last year. Remember? And also seems like a pretty good dude. Young dude who's worked his way up like he was getting people coffee 15 years ago. Worked his way up all the way to the organization. I don't know. It might not work. It probably won't work, actually. I'll say that. But I like that they hired someone that wasn't Just someone they knew and, like, do the old look down the hallway and hire that guy. My other cruel drone. I can't believe we've gotten this far in the show without mentioning it.

[B]

It's not all bad for Philly.

[A]

Congrats to Big Dom. Contract extension partner.

[B]

They extended.

[A]

We got. He got extended. Why don't.

[F]

He has a lifetime contract.

[A]

Yeah, but he got. No, but it was reported that he was extended. Why?

[D]

So is he. If he's on the books, how much is he getting paid? Like, why is every other NFL contract public with money?

[B]

Coaches aren't.

[C]

None of them are.

[B]

Yeah, but try, though, Hank. You not a coach you don't want.

[A]

No, he actually. I think his official title is game day coach.

[B]

It's senior advisor to the general manager, chief security officer, and game day coaching operations.

[A]

So there you go.

[B]

Now you don't want to let Big Dom hit the open market.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

So you lock them up.

[A]

This is why Howie's Howie, because he signs guys before they hit free agency. He takes care of business in house.

[B]

You think how he's considered trading Big Dom for the right offer? Because if you believe in Howie. Howie. Howie would. He would trade Big Dom for the right offer.

[F]

No, he wouldn't.

[B]

He loves deals too much.

[A]

Did Howie do it again?

[F]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

You can't let him walk.

[A]

Did you send him a text?

[F]

Yeah, I was talking to him yesterday.

[A]

Did you send him a congrats?

[F]

Not yet.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Selfish.

[F]

I'll do it right now.

[A]

Selfish. That's up.

[F]

He sent me.

[A]

He.

[F]

He asked me a question that I didn't know how to answer.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

He said he wants to send me gear, and then he asked what jersey? What jersey number? I. I was. I was super hungover yesterday, and he said, what number, Jersey.

[B]

Jersey would you want?

[F]

And that kind of broke my brain.

[B]

Was he asking, like, customized jersey?

[F]

I don't know.

[B]

I think you just.

[F]

I don't know if he was asking for a customized jersey or, like, a player on the team's jersey. So I thought about it for a little, and I couldn't think of an answer. And then I forgot, and I forgot about it, and I'm now just realizing that I never answered it.

[A]

Some options, like, for what you could get a customized jersey, but I don't

[F]

know if that's what he. If that's what he was asking.

[B]

He might be thinking of it, like, at a deli when you're like, I'll take, like, the number two actually means the Devonte Smith. That's. Yeah, well, it's not. I know that's not his number. I'm saying, like, like the number one out of deli is like the roast beef. So if you're like vidam, I'll take the number one. He's like, Jordan, my lot. I got it. Coming right up.

[A]

I think you need to reply 99 meatballs. That jersey would rock if you had a Philadelphia Eagles number. 99 meatballs.

[F]

I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna ask for that.

[A]

Why?

[B]

What about one that says, all right, hear me out. Nameplate sodas. And then number would be two.

[A]

We don't know if that's the story.

[F]

No, the two shoulders is confirmed for sure.

[A]

It is very much. 99 meatballs would be awesome.

[F]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I would like to see 99 meatballs. Zach, finish us off.

[E]

My hot seat. This week is going to be pretty much. Pretty much fat kids, because I don't know if you guys saw this. We got some bad news for the fat kids. Presidential fitness test is back. And as soon as I read that headline, I was filled. Filled with trout. Oh, past childhood trauma. And I feel bad for these kids who are out there right now learning that news. They shouldn't have done this.

[A]

Why not?

[E]

Because there's one day, the worst week of the entire year growing up is the year when you have to do a timed mile followed by, hey, do these pull ups that you know you can't do.

[F]

Did you have to do pull ups at yours?

[E]

Yes.

[F]

Oh, ours was. You had the choice of either pull ups or push ups.

[A]

Push ups.

[E]

We did push ups, sit ups, pull ups, and they wouldn't count the jump up. So you just have to goose egg on the pull ups. That was always heartbreaking.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's good this back.

[E]

I think it's probably fit again. That's good. But are they. But are they instilling fitness throughout the year or is it just, hey, take this test once a year, remind. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, that's like, are they actually doing anything to support people getting in better shape? Are they just using the threat of, like, being ashamed as a motivator? The fear of being. Of being, like, publicly shamed for not doing enough sit ups?

[E]

Because back in the day, I felt like we didn't do any mild training before the time mile. So, like, it wasn't like they instilled good values to get there. It's like, hey, today we're bringing out the stopwatches. Get out there. And heavy breathe. And that's no good.

[A]

What do you guys think you could run a mile in right now? Not right.

[B]

Pretty fast. Seven minutes. I'm retired from running seven.

[F]

Seven would be like seven flat ear beast, dude.

[D]

One mile.

[A]

Yeah, that would be fantastic.

[D]

A mile in the set, like between seven and eight.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Well, that's it.

[A]

I think it's so.

[D]

I mean I don't. 711 like 7. I don't have an exact second time, but yeah, between seven and seven and eight.

[C]

I'm gonna.

[D]

One mile. If I was going.

[A]

Yeah. I'm gonna start doing Chinese workout again. I've lapsed. But I was walking this morning and there was legitimately there was two Chinese people in the the parking lot doing essentially my workout.

[D]

That's a sign.

[A]

Yeah. And they were elderly and they looked ready to go. So it was a definite sign. Gotta do it. Yeah.

[B]

I feel like you should be able to run. We should all be able to run in the sevens sub eight.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

I mean probably nine minutes 55 seconds.

[A]

Okay, that's good.

[F]

I think I'm over 10.

[A]

Great week mile.

[B]

Retired.

[A]

Great week mile.

[B]

I don't think I'm gonna run some great week sprints. I don't think I'm.

[F]

Yeah, great week sprints.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, it's a good idea.

[D]

Yeah. Just like. Yeah.

[B]

200.

[D]

200. 200 yard sprint shuttle run.

[B]

Used to be my.

[D]

Yeah, you'd probably be good at it.

[B]

I probably would probably. That's something that would probably stick to you till the day you die.

[A]

Zach. You're cool. John.

[E]

I'm a cool from this. We were just going to be fans of the anime One Piece because Netflix announced that their One Piece remakes coming out here pretty soon.

[A]

What?

[B]

Bathing suits?

[E]

One Piece. The. Oh, no, no. That. I could see the mix up there. No one.

[B]

It's chicken nuggets.

[E]

Anime manga.

[A]

What is the biggest anime right now?

[E]

It's an anime show and a manga book series.

[A]

It's called One Piece.

[E]

One Piece.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

It's maybe the biggest one in the world.

[A]

Yeah, the biggest One Piece because maybe

[E]

it's the piece, but it's One Piece is the title of the. Of the anime.

[B]

So how many. How many seasons of One Piece have there already been? So they've.

[E]

There's like. There's like 1100. More than 1100 chapters total. This new remake is going to be the first few chapters. I think it's like seven episodes, 300 minutes total. It's like a remake.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

You an anime guy?

[E]

I dabble.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

You know, loves One Piece.

[A]

Who trump he loves one piece.

[D]

Speed. Speed loves one piece.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, this is a speed thing?

[E]

No, it was just a one piece thing. But I guess. I guess.

[A]

How'd you find out about it?

[E]

My little brother. He's a huge one piece guy.

[A]

Is he a big speed guy?

[E]

I think he's like a Jason Speed guy. Maybe he's got respect for Speed's game.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. He's got to.

[B]

So speed is. He loves one piece.

[E]

Speed does love one piece.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Did that influence your decision to also give one piece a try?

[E]

No, I can't give this one to Speed. I'd have to give this one to my little brother. Nick.

[A]

Your eyes look so good today.

[E]

I appreciate that, Big cat.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you. They really are popping the glasses.

[E]

The glass has got to come back fast.

[A]

Are you gonna buy new ones?

[E]

Yes.

[F]

Where?

[E]

I.

[A]

What?

[E]

I had just gotten those the other day because I got a new. A new script. So those were like brand new glasses. So that kind of sucks. But I have. I ordered two pairs when I got those, so I have another pair.

[A]

Okay, good.

[E]

But they're not. They're not this.

[D]

Ah.

[A]

What are they doing?

[E]

I just don't. Yeah, I just don't like them too much.

[A]

What are the color?

[E]

It just like. Like brownish.

[A]

Oh, no. You got it. I like those. Yeah, those clear.

[E]

That was. Those are the mainstays. And the alternates have to become the new maze.

[A]

I'll buy you some new glasses. We're in a good spot.

[E]

I think I'm going to find them at the strip club there. I'm going to send in. I think I'm going to.

[A]

You got to go back.

[E]

No, I can't go back. But I might have to find some guys who frequent that place. Like, hey, keep a lookout.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

This is what they look like.

[B]

They will show up.

[E]

They got to be there.

[A]

It would be a great story if somehow they got back to you.

[E]

There's a world where they get back.

[A]

Pepper and hippo, please.

[B]

We've got. There's no world breaking.

[A]

Oh, breaking moose.

[B]

Hank. Former Patriots wide receiver Stefan Diggs. Not guilty of all charges.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Good for him. You want him back?

[D]

Depends on the. The contract. Depends on what happens with Jaylen A.J. brown. Maybe he's a good leader.

[B]

He's a good leader.

[A]

Okay, so maybe.

[B]

Okay. Not closing the door on a return.

[A]

No.

[D]

Never.

[B]

Never say. Never say never.

[A]

Okay, let's. Let's get to Dan Soder. We just wrapped with him. He's the man. Awesome.

[B]

Time with him before we get to Dan Soder. He's brought to you by our great friends over at Better Help. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Life is a journey. Some days feel good, others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you've got it all all figured out on your own or you have to do that. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. No journey should be alone. Having somebody there with you to listen to, understand, support, you can make all the difference. Quality therapists at Better Help, they have therapists that work according to a strict code of conduct. They are fully licensed in the United States. BetterHelp does the initial match work for you. You can focus on your goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and your preferences. Our 12 plus years of experience in the industry leading match fulfillment rate means we typically get it right the first time. If you're not happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from our tailored recommendations. And it works. We've got an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find your support. Have someone with you in therapy. Sign up. Get 10 off at betterhelp.com pmt that's betterhelp.com pmt Dan Soder is also brought to you by our great friends over at Jose Cuervo. When Cuervo enters, every moment just gets better. You find yourself in the center of the dance floor. You can't help but stand up and high five those around you at the game. The room reacts like it just got the same text at the same time. You stop checking the time and suddenly small talk escalates to laughing so hard you can barely catch your breath. Death. That's the Cuervo effect signal. Everybody understands a moment that anyone can join and a good time that just grows. All you have to do is keep it Cuervo. And now, here's Dan Soder.

[A]

Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very, very, very special guest. It is Dan Soder, incredible comedian. Soder podcast. Go listen to it now. What's up, dude? How we doing? We're in la.

[C]

We're all ready to leave.

[A]

We're already. We're all ready to leave.

[C]

We haven't done our actual shows that were all ready to leave.

[B]

I've done anything.

[C]

Los Angeles. This is what you do.

[B]

I just checked into my hotel, woke up this morning ready to go.

[C]

That's it.

[A]

I feel I. Yeah, I Feel I woke up this morning, I was like, just get me home.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, I'm like the Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan. Like, someone needs to come and just save me.

[B]

We lost a lot of good men at the cabaret this week.

[C]

I mean, you guys did Vegas before la. Really dumb. That is. I mean, before a comedy festival. Going to Vegas is like when LT used to smoke crap before games, you know what I mean? Where he was just like, I'm out of my mind right now.

[A]

Yeah, we should have, we. If our only. Our biggest mistake. We should, we should have done our live show on Monday night and just been like, just kept on rolling, like showing up. Just a live show.

[C]

Yeah, that would have been sick. Yeah, the, the, the.

[A]

The day of rest didn't do much.

[C]

Yeah, you guys should have came in like Mad Max with you on the front with a guitar. You guys just come into la.

[B]

In retrospect, like planning out our second live show that we've ever done as a podcast on the heels of an all time bachelor party in Vegas might have been the biggest, like, future you promise that we made that we would not be able to cash in on of all time.

[C]

It does sound like Tyson in Tokyo before Buster Douglas.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

You guys are like, like, we're, yeah, we're just the maids doing drugs in Tokyo. Like, this bus Doug is about to knock you the out.

[A]

My, my wife always gets mad at me because this is, this happens like all the time to me where it's like, if I have one thing to do, I'm like, why not just add another thing and like, I'm already out. Let's just do it all. And then I always get in these situations where I'm like, wait, how many things do I have to do?

[C]

I'm so stupid. That's when a woman's intuition's correct.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I was like, what are you talking about? I'm there. I'm going to want to do this, this and then la. Everything's over a hour and a half from each other. So you're like, cool. I'm just gonna sit in traffic and be like, I booked too much stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It is nice being out here, though. I got to see the ocean last night, which there's something nice about just like looking at the waves.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Looking out into nothing for a while.

[C]

Yeah, it feels good.

[B]

Maybe that's just like the sign of coming down from, from the weekend is like I really like, just like basically turning my brain off for a little bit. But it Was. It was nice. We went to Shellback's Tavern last night. Shane ran into James Cameron out in the parking lot.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Which was great. Yeah.

[C]

Did. All we want to talk about is Avatar.

[B]

So Shane was Shane.

[C]

I bet if you would have brought up Avatar, he would have been like, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, you want to talk about 4

[A]

and 5 or just like deep sea diving.

[B]

Yeah. Submarines.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, dude. So we walked past him and Shane had just been to the Chargers team store because that's like the number one thing that he likes to do when he's out in LA is get like some Chargers gear. So he was wearing a Chargers rosary and a Chargers, like full poncho, like bright blue and like walk past James Cameron. Like his hero was like, hey, how's it going? It was too nervous to say anything because he looked like a clown wearing the Charger stuff, so I feel bad for him.

[C]

Was it the powder blue?

[B]

It's probably. It's a powder blue poncho. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, that's pretty. That's pretty rough.

[A]

He's a die hard Chargers fit, by the way.

[C]

Are you.

[A]

Are you staying Mike McDaniel's house right now?

[C]

I stayed there this weekend.

[A]

Can we have a hard. Can we have one hard conversation about. And he's your. Your very good friend. He was there last night and we. Yeah, yeah, I saw him last night. One very hard conversation is not that hard. But we're gonna. We're going to pretend it's hard.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He's going to get another head coaching job.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He's a very good coach.

[C]

Absolutely.

[A]

Things just didn't go well, you know, at the end.

[C]

You got over by Miami.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Over. Yeah.

[A]

We got to figure out the jogger situation, Doc. That's not a head coach. You can't be wearing the joggers, brother.

[C]

You're. You're living in the past. Mike Nolan in 2010 trying to wear. Oh, wearing a suit. You don't people forget.

[A]

Jack Del Rio also tried to do that with the leather jacket.

[C]

Yeah. Shooter McGavin got taken out with that leather jacket. Listen, I. If he wins games, he can wear a giant diaper that you just said.

[A]

You just said it, though.

[C]

No one will give a right.

[A]

You just said it, though, because we're a big, like, we're not X's and O's, guys. We're like, hey, this guy looks goofy in these losing games. We got to fix it. The joggers, I think, are. They can come out if you're winning games, but to start, you have to go. Maybe just a regular khaki.

[C]

All right.

[A]

He's going to be around Jim Harbaugh enough that he probably will be converted to khakis because Jim Harbaugh sees those joggers, he might punch him in the face.

[C]

No, Harbaugh, this is exactly what he said. And I, you know, I hope I don't give away too much, but I was asking him because I'm a 49ers guy. Right. Yo, I used to watch Jim. Me and McDaniel used to watch Jim Harbaugh when he played for the Colts, like as kids.

[A]

Right.

[C]

And now it's his boss.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I was like, dude, Harbaugh's your boss? He said he is the man.

[A]

He is the man.

[C]

And he said he's the most secure person he's ever been around. He lets McDaniel do whatever. So the joggers ain't going. Okay. All right.

[A]

Well, is he gonna be upstairs? He's gonna be.

[C]

That's what I'm thinking.

[A]

You might. So then maybe he just doesn't wear anything.

[C]

Dude. I think he goes hot flare underneath. My suggestion is Fools Outcast wear the cowboy collar with the ump vest. Yeah. Like Andre 3000.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

In the Stankonia.

[B]

Yeah. That would be sick. I also, I mean, we know where to get a really nice, like, neon blue Chargers poncho. If you wore that in the booth, that would be pretty good.

[C]

I'd be worried about him if he's in a poncho. Yeah.

[A]

Like a Chargers luchador mask. Sick.

[C]

I'm way on board with that. I'll go anything. Wwe. Yes. I'll actually push that aggressively today.

[A]

Harbaugh is the man, though. And I. I do think it's going to work out very well. Well, because, like, we, like, we've been doing this for a long ass time. I think if. If we. If we die in a plane crash tomorrow, I think maybe one of, like the first two lines in our obituaries would be like, those guys were harbor. Like, Harbaugh like those guys.

[C]

That's it.

[A]

Like, I'm happy that he likes it. Yeah. That's. That makes me happy that he's like, for some, we really don't really know how or why, but he's like, I like those guys.

[C]

Can I tell you why I love him so much is. I mean, number one, he turned the 49ers franchise around, got us to a Super Bowl. Number two, he's a Milk guy.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And I like how much. And he literally had a conversation with McDaniel about getting a milk machine in the facility.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Wait, wait, a milk machine?

[C]

Like, you know those straw. You remember it back in, like, the cafeteria days where that straw coming out, you just get milk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was like, yeah.

[C]

He's like, we should get a milk machine.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah, you should.

[B]

You should get a cow just, like, unpasteurized. I feel like having a cow that just, like, out on the field.

[C]

How about.

[B]

Could probably be talked into, like, the raw milk milk phase, too.

[C]

No.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

You know what? I feel like that would be a thing where you would feel that way and then it would get awkward.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where you'd be like, what?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Pasteurization is the key to everything. That's the beauty of pastorization. Yeah. Pasteurization, that's. That's law. Yeah. You'd be, like, into it, and you'd be like, that's right, Coach. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everyone's doing, you know, on human growth hormone, Ozempic, retta, all this. And Harbor's like, no, all you need is some whole milk.

[C]

You need protein. You need milk. What is fun about now, Mike, working with Harbaugh and me being a Chargers fan is I can hit the theme music.

[A]

That was our sound. That was our sound guy's phone.

[C]

Hit my fucking music, dude. I put the glasses on.

[A]

He's about to give a speech.

[C]

As a 49er fan that's now a Chargers fan. Cousin McDaniel, bringing back the who's got it better than us? Nobody. Very fun.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Haven't reached for that since about 2014.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Very fun to just throw it out randomly.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And bolt up. I like saying bolt up.

[A]

It is so funny that the Harbors have, like, a family saying they're like the o'. Doyles. They're just like their. Their dad just runs around like, who's got it better than us? We're Harbors.

[C]

There's another family goes Harbaughs, one of these days, you're gonna get yours.

[A]

One of these days, someone's gonna have it better than you.

[C]

You're gonna feel it. And it was. It was super bowl against the Ravens. 47.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The other Harbaugh had it better than us.

[B]

You think they get upset, like, when they hear somebody that's not a Harbaugh, or at least not, like, Harbaugh approved saying that, like, using the family motto, who's got. Like, if they. If they were to hear some. I know that they had their differences in. In San Francisco, but, like, I don't know, like, you Hear the. The York family. Like if the owner comes down and he tries to start saying, who's got it better than us?

[C]

Yeah. That's like.

[B]

I feel like Harbaugh would just stare and be like, you can't say that.

[C]

That's like when people try to rep gang affiliation.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where he goes, hey, where are you from? Who's got it better? Hey, you ain't got a good cuz. I'm talking about.

[B]

You got any skull? You got any dip on you? I didn't think so. I can't say that.

[C]

Put a fat lip in and maybe. Yeah.

[A]

I can see him doing that. Like a twitch streamer saying Harbor's like, who the is this?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't say that. That's my word.

[C]

With his glasses on. Yeah. Those big readers looking at his phone.

[A]

What is this?

[C]

Why is this boy saying.

[B]

But I. I'm looking forward not just to like. I've. Obviously I love Harbaugh. We like McDaniels. I like the combination of the two of them.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, they seem like it's going to be the perfect buddy cop. Like completely opposite guys. But I think they'll be able to talk to each other like it's Hardball will respect anybody that knows Football.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

McDaniels knows the. Out of football. And I think he's also very secure in who he is, too. So I feel like it's going to be a very funny. I need them to be mic'd up. I want to.

[C]

Oh, they're like.

[B]

They have to documentary about them.

[C]

The NFL has to have that comment.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because either that if the NFL was smart, they would do. Exactly. They would cut a trailer like a 90s movie with that. Like, he's a non. Nonsense and he's an offensive genius that loves joggers. Why don't your pants reach your legs? Your pants don't reach your whole leg.

[A]

One of us trying to take off his off white tags. Like, why the Is your tag still on your. It's.

[C]

But I do love it. It really is like. It almost reminds me of that. Like a teacher that lets the kid be himself. That's the reason he's successful.

[A]

He's going to become a butterfly.

[C]

Exactly. Yes, exactly.

[A]

Was that a sneeze, by the way, back there? Yeah. This is like. This is like a World War I infirmary right now where it's like we got guys with no arms.

[C]

Like, we're going to.

[A]

You know, we got. We need more morphine in this room.

[C]

I will tell you. Poor preparation. Doing a Vegas bachelor Party before. It's the add on thing.

[A]

I did the add on thing. I was like, well, we're already going to la. Let's go to Vegas.

[B]

Was that actually a sneeze? Because I swear to God, when I heard that noise, I thought it was a toaster. It sounded like a piece of bread.

[C]

Was.

[A]

Someone dropped something.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Is that Zach? Can we find out? Zach, what did you drop?

[A]

No, I was just. Here, Zach, come here.

[C]

Who is the most miserable here right now?

[B]

Probably Zach, Zach, and Max.

[C]

Yeah, but Max was your basket party, so.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. So that was a sneeze.

[E]

Hold it in. I really did.

[A]

Wait. Talk to the mic.

[E]

Talk to the mic. I did try to hold it in. I didn't want to get out. And I apologize for the sneeze.

[B]

It's okay. How you feeling this morning?

[E]

We're feeling. We're feeling okay. Feeling okay.

[C]

Did you drink last night, too?

[E]

No, but I'm hearing a lot of things about that might be the case to recover and feel better. So maybe like, four light beers as a recovery.

[C]

Oh, brother. Four light beers are gonna be good.

[E]

That's. I'm.

[C]

Four light beers are gonna be texting people you shouldn't.

[E]

All right, then maybe three. Maybe knock it down to three.

[C]

Honestly, and this is. You know, I've been out of the game for 13 years, but if you want to go. My old diagnosis. I would do a shot in a beer. You'll be right. And then the second light beer, you're going to feel 10ft tall.

[E]

Okay, so hit the trio.

[A]

Shot, light beer. Second light beer.

[C]

Yeah. One, two, one.

[A]

We'll do one, two, one. Got you. Yeah.

[C]

Okay, I'll go. Light beer. Shot.

[A]

He's just treating it like you're a doctor prescribing medication. Medicine.

[B]

You drink. I think you drink a quarter of the light beer, then you take the shot, then you wash it down with the rest of light beer, then you get another light beer, and then maybe if your buddy comes by, you do a shot with him to get him feeling right.

[C]

And I know you're gonna want to smoke a cigarette.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

But don't.

[B]

Don't do that.

[C]

That will be the thing that turns it all.

[A]

That.

[B]

That pushes you right off that same cliff you just climbed up.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like drinking on antibiotics.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You are not. It's. You're. It's working against itself.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, it's been. It's been quite the weekend. Then we got here, and we had, like, some very big NBA games that we like. Are Going to need to talk about, obviously, some very important games for Max Philly got. And he was just. He was like, I can't go out to watch him the game under the covers in his own bed last night, he couldn't even muster, like, leaving the hotel room.

[C]

Well, we were watching the Flyers in overtime.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And. And Big Cat comes in and starts talking to Tommy Pope.

[A]

I didn't see they were in overtime.

[C]

He was locked in on the. On the Flyers. And Big Cat goes, what's that shirt? And Tommy's like, what?

[A]

Yeah. He was like, where the you going in my shirt?

[C]

It was.

[A]

It was all time. Like, I. I watched overtime with everyone. I was just like, we. I need the fire.

[F]

Like, I.

[A]

Like kiddo was like, do you have a bet on this? Like, no, but Tommy's gonna punch me in the face, and he's gonna have every right to do so.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I didn't realize they were in overtime when I walked in.

[C]

We couldn't leave the hotel. We couldn't leave Shane's hotel until in between periods.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where they're like, all right, now we can go to the Hollywood Bowl. Now we go.

[A]

Now get in the car. We were talking last night, too. The. Where are you at with the substation? As a big 49ers guy, you know,

[C]

the substation stuff hit me the way that, like, qanon hit poor white trash. Where I go. I knew it wasn't my fault.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I knew none of this was my fault.

[B]

It explains a lot.

[C]

Of course the elite eat babies. Of course there's an electrical substation that's tearing tendons in my sweet, sweet red and gold because they shouldn't get injured anyways. Right. But then they had, like, real scientists come in.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

But I don't know. I think, like, I honestly would. I think it would rule if they, like, you know, NFL makes more money than what, an electric company? So move the substation. And then if the Niners went on a run.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You would almost be like. Like, I think it might be worth handling that just for the mental aspect.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Of everyone going, well, that's out now. We can just.

[A]

And then you could have, like, a class action loss against the electrical company.

[C]

Santa Clara, you're gonna fucking.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I told you we had the guy on. He. I don't like that you said real scientist. Because the guy we had on the show was a real scientist.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

He was just. He doesn't have a degree.

[B]

He is divorced.

[A]

Got divorced and basically was like, now I'm gonna just search electrical subwaves for a living. We also spent like, we interviewed him for like 20 minutes and I think 10 of it was just talking about his in and out order because he,

[B]

he's like, no, the guy's legit.

[A]

He's legit. Yeah, he's legit. He's legit. Comes, it's all.

[C]

And you open up.

[B]

Yeah, I, I buy it. I think it's just a very simple fix for the 49ers. John lynch should just pay money. How much could it cost to have just like a giant metal wall, like tin foil wall, Put a dome around

[A]

it between it, like Chernobyl.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pour some cement on there from a helicopter call today.

[C]

I will go in on it. Yeah, I'll pay for some of that brick wall.

[B]

Like, I think it needs to. It has to be like tin foil because like the aluminum that protects you from the waves. If you just put up like a giant, let's call it like a 50 foot sheet of tinfoil up there and then you can just say that it's. It's all taken care of. Because I do think at this point, like, even if it's not real now it's in their heads.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And so that could be like, we actually work right next to an electric substation too. And me and big Cat get kidney stones all the time. Yeah.

[A]

So it's nothing to do with our bad diet.

[C]

But being over 40 substitutes.

[B]

If you play football next to that substation now, it's a storyline. It's maybe like, like it's in your head. 10% and that's enough to like make you fuck up every now and again, I think.

[C]

Yeah. Or we could just wrap all the 49ers like baked potatoes in aluminum foil and then they don't get injured.

[A]

Well, you guys also, I. This is a very dumb roster construction idea that I've always had. But you guys have too many good players. Too many good players. They get injured and you're like, why are we losing all our good players. Yeah. You have like a bunch of medium players and then when they get injured, you're like, all right, fine, we'll replace them.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, dude, the, the fact that we were down to like sixth and seventh string linebackers.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

For the playoffs.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Was like, dude, this is crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Guys that were off the street.

[A]

And then the kiddle one was just like, come on.

[C]

Yeah. That hurts so bad. So it's just like what a gut punch. But beat the Eagles.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's True.

[A]

Also that the. In a. If you're going to go out in the playoffs the way you guys went out to the Seahawks, that was over before it even started.

[C]

Listen, I thought the Eagles were going to do to us what the Seahawks did, which is just run up the middle, bully us, and beat the shit out of us. It sucks. It was the Seahawks. But after that Brock broken elbow game in the NFC championship game, it felt good to get a win injured over the Eagles in the playoffs. So we can just go, all right, now we're even.

[A]

Yeah, you got your lick back.

[C]

Yeah. And then the Seahawks winning, it was just like hell on earth.

[B]

What do you think about this idea for the 49ers? They. They play their first like eight to 10 games with their worst players. So, like, they get entire off season where the. The worst players are getting all the reps at ones and twos and trying to get. So your worst players get better. You play those guys until like October, mid, like early November. Then boom, they get hurt. Now your better guys are coming in, they're playing.

[C]

I think it's genius. Yeah. You just go into Kyle's office and you go flip it

[A]

up chart and just literally wait, that's upside down, dude.

[C]

I don't care. Yeah, I feel like you're having suck up as your starting quarterback.

[B]

He's good enough.

[C]

Suck up.

[B]

He's good enough as a coach. I think he could probably like, eke out if it's an NFL roster, even if it's like the third and fourth stringers, he could probably eke out a.500 record.

[C]

Well, what was crazy is the record that we had with all the injuries immediately made me go, we're losing Salah. Yeah, like, we're losing Salah almost immediately. Because that defense, how well it played with having no Bosa. No, I mean, the. We drafted Williams to back up Bosa. His ACL ripped.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It was just like we had no quarterback pressure and they still were a

[A]

great, like, found a way. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

That Bears game, I think we.

[A]

That was.

[C]

That Bears.

[A]

That was the best.

[C]

I think that Bears. And I was in shock. Chicago over that. We were visiting Katie's brother and I remember being at a gas station the next day and the guy was like, I had my Niners hat on. He's like, what the hell? And I was like, sorry, man. I was like, I think that might have been our best game of the season. And it was.

[A]

Yeah, well, that game, I. I walked away from it because the Bears losing that game like, sucked. But it also Was like, we were in a shootout. We were competitive in an offensive shootout. Like, that doesn't happen for the Bears.

[C]

Man, this is fun. You guys are fun as hell. And you guys are going to be great. Commanders are going to come back.

[B]

I think so.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We were just so old last year. Everybody on our defense was, like, 35 years old.

[D]

It was.

[B]

It was crazy going into that season expecting anything from that defense at all.

[C]

Given Jaden Daniels, like a full. Like, let him heal. Yeah. Come back in and be the guy that he was.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Commanders are a team that you're like, could be very fun.

[B]

I think they could. It's all about David Blau or OC I. I have no idea what he's going to do. He was an assistant quarterbacks coach last year.

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

And so he. He skipped being a quarterbacks coach. We just jumped him up to being offensive coordinator. And I think the theory behind it is, like, you've seen. I mean, McDaniels was in those pictures of the Redskins back in the day. It's crazy where it's like, you got McVay, McDaniels, Shanahan. You got LaFleur, like Bobby Slowik. All these guys that want to be, like, very successful were in house. I think Josh Harris, Adam Peters saw that picture and they're like, we can't let one of the. We can't let another picture happen to us.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

So we got to take our guy that's here right now and just give him a shot at offensive coordinat. What happens?

[C]

I mean, Adam Peters is the man.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Straight up is the man was in San Francisco for a long time, but before that, you forget. Helped put together that Broncos super bowl team. And before that, Patriots. He was like a Belichick guy, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He loves you guys. He loves every 49er. That's the only thing I don't love about him is, like, you get a lot of retreads anytime there's a 49er that needs a new home. Adam Pierce, like, I. I remember that guy.

[A]

I know that guy.

[B]

And so now it looks like that's. We're going to try to do that with Auk, but then the 49ers aren't going to let IU go. What's. What's the deal with him? What do you know about. Are you. Because it seems like he. I'm keeping an eye on him. Like, he might be just actually insane.

[C]

It might be one of those things where if you took a risk on him, it would pay Off. You don't know if he's reset because I don't know. You know, I don't know him personally at all. I'm just a 49ers fan. But, like, the way it went was, from what everything I've read, he just didn't rehab properly.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

The 49ers, like, we're not going to give you guaranteed money. That's what always. What sucks is when there's, like, a guy that they draft that gets really good.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then there's that moment where he's like, I want my big. It happened with Debo where he's like, I want my big contract. And then I think it's these agents that play these, like, social media games. Or it's people around them where they're like. Like they're trying to fuck a hot chick, right? Where they're like, be mean to her.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Follow her. Yeah. Unfollow her and then take a picture with her and her friend.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you're like, why are you doing this?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Speed by their.

[A]

Speed by their stadium in the middle

[C]

of the horn real fast when you drive by your house.

[A]

Yeah. Let them know you're not thinking about it.

[C]

And then being like, money on my mind. Oh, can you put obscure rap lyrics to you being not upset by the team? It just felt like childish. And it also was like, there comes a point where it's like, well, you got your 29 million a year, so you got it now lock in. And when he didn't lock in and was still like, I don't know, you guys were weird back there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then he gets injured and you're like, oh. And he's not even trying to rehab it. I understand why the Niners just aren't releasing him.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You guys want to sign him, right? Give us a sixth round.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's all we want.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I always wonder what would happen if, like. If John lynch just, like, went up to Brandon's like, hey, man, I'm sorry.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

Like, I'm sorry. My bad.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

That's all I needed.

[A]

Like, he doesn't have to feel it, but, like, just say it, you know, like, give the. Give the. Just. Just blanket apology. Just being like, I don't even know what I'm apologizing for. I'm sorry. And Brandon's like.

[C]

And he wants.

[A]

All I wanted.

[C]

Brandon IUK won't turn around. And he goes, brandon, I said I'm sorry. And then he turns around and he's crying. That's all I wanted to Hear.

[B]

Then his agent shows up. He's like, he doesn't mean that. He doesn't mean that. Brandon.

[C]

Yeah, Brandon. He's not sorry. I have texts from him that says you're a slut. Yeah.

[A]

Did you ask him what he's sorry for? Did he explain?

[C]

Did he tell you?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, you're sorry for what exactly?

[C]

Did he pay for your speeding ticket?

[A]

That is maybe the worst feeling in the world when you throw out a sorry and then, and then you get back like, like what for?

[C]

Oh.

[A]

And you're like, oh, I didn't think we were going with follow ups.

[C]

I've been hit with that since I was a kid with my mom. What are you sorry for? And you go, I don't know even bringing this up.

[A]

Yeah, I thought the sorry button just worked all the time.

[C]

Well, I didn't know you're gonna be a rancid about this, so I'd probably say I'm not sorry. Now.

[B]

You're supposed to say I'm sorry too back to me. You're not supposed to ask me my actual feelings.

[C]

I think if you guys got Brandon Iuk and he like blew up, I'd be like, he got awesome again. Yeah, yeah, I'll be great with that.

[B]

It is kind of like the girlfriend situation because Jaden and him played in college. He's like getting back with his ex.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, things were fun. Yeah, things were fun.

[C]

He goes, oh, it's different now. I care. You got a kid. Yeah, I actually think that's kind of cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Brock doesn't make me feel like you made me feel.

[A]

Jaden.

[C]

Jaden, you made me feel electric horny white boy from Iowa. You call that a Dougie? You know how to really Dougie Jaden? Yeah. I don't know. I like am very excited to see what Mike Evans has. Oh yeah, because like we haven't had.

[A]

I totally forgot to do something we haven't done. Yeah. This is the part of the off season where you could throw out a

[B]

name and I'm just like that substation. Mike Evans. Hamstring.

[C]

You'd be quiet about that. Yeah, you'd be quiet. I just like having a guy that's practice somewhere else. Yeah, that's so funny. They're gonna actually make him practice at old Candlestick Park. Where? Where? Candlestick Park. RV Park.

[A]

Now?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

This is is safe. It's out here by the water.

[B]

He doesn't even need to practice. I feel like Mike Evans. You just give him the playbook, he'll be Fine.

[C]

I'm excited, though, just to have that threat of like being at the five yard line and Brock being like, go get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And him just being able to leap over everything.

[B]

It's easy. Yeah.

[C]

So it is. I mean, there's like a lot of fun stuff. It was fun seeing Christian and KD at the show last night looking very healthy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

As a fan, you don't want to, but you're like checking them like racehorses. Yeah. I was looking at Christian's teeth like, you look good. No, but they were, they were like both in great spirits and like, like healthy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird to be at a show being like, I think Niners might be good.

[A]

Yeah. I'm seeing a lot of good things.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's play a game called this Will probably get aggregated because it's a shitty question for me to ask, but I'm going to ask it anyway.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Why haven't you moved to Austin?

[C]

Why would I.

[A]

No, I know. I just love this, like, turf war that goes on in the comedy world.

[C]

It's so stupid. We're like, it's such Real Housewives.

[A]

Someone says one bad thing about Austin

[C]

and it's like, like, Austin rules.

[A]

Did you hear what they said?

[C]

It's very fun. I like going down there. It's got great Mexican food. Shane has a really cool house that I can stay at.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I mean? I can. Yeah. La Mer Shout out Lamar. He lives in the pool house.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. So if I want to go smoke a blunt in the backyard. Wwe.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Have a swim, play a little pool, basketball. But I don't. All these people that are like, I always hated it when it was New York ladies. It's like it's two different. Completely. It's two different things.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But I don't know. I think Austin's fun. It's a fun place to visit. I'd never lived there. Is there, is there like a.

[A]

Can you tell an LA comic right away when you see one on? Like, I mean, I guess you would know where they live, but like, is there a vibe that's just totally different?

[C]

Yeah, for sure. That I will say this. New York comics love to. On LA comics, but the props I'm gonna give to LA comics, they can perform. They perform their ass off.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like they sell jokes.

[A]

Right.

[C]

We're out there just standing there tight, just being mean, miserable. Just because we're stuck in a locker with other. Millions of other people. Sweaty locker. But it is like LA's got great performers and. But sometimes their jokes, you're like, that sucks perfectly. You know that Jokes, that's.

[B]

You think it's because they don't have enough stuff to be pissed off about. About.

[C]

I think it's because they're like, yeah, maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Too much pool time.

[A]

Yeah. I went for a walk this morning and it was like, damn, this place is nice.

[C]

Yeah. That's why I couldn't live out here. Yeah. I would immediately fall off because I just would be like, do I want to go do spots or just sit in my backyard?

[A]

Right, right.

[C]

Enjoy. No humidity.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Just like a nice weather atmosphere. It would rule New York. You, like, go outside and it's either crazy cold, crazy hot, and then there's this crazy around you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's just like a guy shitting in front of my apartment building, and you're like, hey. But then you go to the comedy club, you go, I saw a guy. Shit.

[A]

Yeah, right? Yeah.

[C]

So I don't know. It does pay off, but I get people that move here. But I feel also like if you're a New York comic and you move here, you're, like, kind of retiring or you're like, going into the industry. Like, like fucking. I'm gonna dive into the industry, right?

[A]

I'm gonna be in movies and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

But I don't. I don't fault anybody if they want to get out of New York.

[E]

York.

[C]

How expensive. And do you still live in the city? Oh, yeah, I still like living there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I got, like, maybe two or three more years before I'm have to go out to the burbs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like when you move to Austin, a lot of. A lot of comics I've heard talk about, because I used to live there, and it doesn't seem like there's a lot of, like, real reasons to move out there. Yeah, it's basically like, I want to move there because there's no taxes. And also, I think. I think Joe Rogan might see me. Right. Like. Like, if I perform enough at his. At his venue, then maybe I'll just get dubbed the next guy.

[C]

I. I honestly, if this would probably would have happened like, 15 years ago, you would catch me outside the mothership right now doing karate moves, trying to get Joe Rogan's attention.

[B]

I mean, it's honestly Breaking Bad Ideas

[C]

with one of my friends. Oh, hey, Joe. Were you just noticing my Mongoose style? You need to come in, bro. You're very powerful. I'd be like, thank you, sensei.

[A]

Hiring people to choke out in front of the mothership.

[C]

I would honestly say if the mothership wants to have the right rep, do the. The Cobra Kai line.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where they go, fear does not exist in this comedy club, does it? No, Joe Rogan. Mercy does not exist in this comedy club, does it? No, Joe Rogan.

[A]

Imagine, like, if the mothership became like a comedy club, like Bloodsport hybrid, where it's like, yeah, you do a set and then you gotta fight to the death.

[C]

I'll tell you right now, Tony Hinchcliffe would host the fuck out of.

[A]

Oh, that would be.

[C]

One of these guys is gonna die. It's just like me and Judah Freelander. I'm like, judah, I'm sorry I have to do this to you. He throws salt in my eyes when I do my act. Completely blinded I go. Dating's weird. Blind.

[A]

We'll get back to Dan Soder in a second. We are brought to you by our friends at Twisted Tea. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real Brewed tea and 5% alcohol. Twisted tea is the perfect drink to keep the good times going all day and all season long. Whether you're hanging out at a friend's house, catching a game at the stadium or at the bar or day drinking with friends, Twisted tea is there to turn your day up a notch and make a good time, a great time. We had a great time with Twisted T on Saturday, watching game seven of Sixers Celtics. That was a memory that was brought to you by Twisted Tea because it was just great. Hanging out with your friends, watching the game, great basketball game, drinking some twisted teas. I was drinking the. The half and half. We had the original out there with the peach. We have some great twisted tea flavors. So grab a refreshing twisted tea today. We love twisted tea. Go get one today. And now back to Dan Soder. Dude, that Frank Dukes guy, that was. That. He made everything up. But he think, thankfully he made a great movie out of it.

[C]

Yeah, but read his story. It's so funny, dude.

[A]

It's crazy.

[C]

He's like, I was over there fighting in the desk. No, you weren't.

[A]

Dude.

[C]

Also being like, being like from. I forget where he said he was. Was. He said he was in Thailand.

[A]

Yeah, something like that.

[C]

Like, if you were Thai and you heard that story, you'd be like. Like, no, that doesn't happen. Yeah, that.

[A]

No way that happened.

[B]

That's so. It's such a great story. Like, I want to give him credit for having an awesome imagination.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I'm happy that the Movie got made, like, that would have sucked if the movie didn't get made.

[B]

He could have made up the most boring lies about his life. And instead he went for like, he wrote a script and then convinced himself that it happened like, that he should get some credit at least for like having a sense of like rising action Cl. Like he wrote a perfect script.

[C]

Yeah. He go, frank, you might be full of. But, you know, story on.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he does.

[C]

You have a good Act 1, a solid Act 2 that builds into an Act 3. Frank, you're full of shit. But we're buying the script.

[A]

That's great.

[C]

I don't know. I also like, like a grown man that lies like a five year old, where he's like, I fought in a karate tournament and people died. And you go, okay, yeah. Right? Then what else did you see? And then a beautiful girl said, I was the best at karate. And I jumped and I kicked the bad guy.

[B]

And then we made it into a movie and everybody loved it.

[A]

Yeah, I rode my dinosaur off into the sun, like, all right, cool. But that's awesome.

[C]

And also, I mean, if we're talking JCVD movies, Shout out Bloodsport. Obviously a classic, but I'm a kickboxer guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I want Tom Poe kicking the wall, making the dust fall.

[A]

Dude, there's so many. Hard Target, Hard Chance. Chance Boudreaux.

[B]

Double Team.

[C]

Double Impact.

[B]

Was that the one Dennis Rodman?

[C]

No, Double Team was Double team was Dennis Robin.

[A]

Right.

[C]

I was thinking of Double Impact where he goes, you of or people. No, I would never in my life were. Suck Underwire. You guys remember that one?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I was gonna say the F word. That's what he says. What do you think I am? He straight up says that in the movie. Dude, I used to quote that to my best friend all the time. You of all people should know, I never in my life where I saw Talk Under. That's the only shotgun damn line I can do.

[B]

Oh, I got another question that might get aggregated, but I'm gonna ask it to you anyways. You were in the Epstein Files.

[C]

Yeah, I was.

[A]

Oh, hell yeah.

[C]

Eating babies. Kids, I'm. I'm chock full of adrenochrome. I could fly back to LA from here right now.

[B]

That's what I do every time I'm in la. If we have a guest on the show, I'm like, I better look up and see if they're in the episode. He might be the first guest that we've had that's been in the Epsom

[C]

I'm gonna tell you right now, the island. Let's talk about the shark door.

[A]

I think we've had others, but. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm doing a mental Rolodex of who we've had.

[C]

I want to say Jeffrey kept the place stocked with Capri Suns with Dunkaroos. Okay. Because if you're kids, you're eating like a kid. No, we were. He wanted. His assistant broke Max there. I'm eating Lunchables. I'm having myself. No, it. He lived in New York, obviously, and always he liked to go to comedy shows, so they sent him comedy seller lineups. So, like, me and Big J and Louis J. Gomez, Davitel, Pete Davidson and I are.

[A]

That's.

[C]

We're on the same lineup. Like Bonnie McFarlane, Rich Voss, like, like, all these New York legends.

[A]

So when you. When you found out that you were. Your name was there, what was the first reaction?

[C]

I wanted the MC to bring me up as. At the seller. As you've. You've read his name in the episode.

[A]

But was there ever.

[C]

No one liked it. No one, like, the audience did not like that.

[A]

But I'm saying, like, the actual first moment that you found out, were you like, oh, first for a brief second, then you really. Because then everyone realizes all his emails. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Lewis, Chris, I think sent or might have sent just me a text that was like, we did it. We're in the upstate. And then Pete Davidson sent me a screen grab of the list, and he was like, he's like, iconic lineup in the Epstein. And I was like, it is actually a really good lineup because David Tell was taping a Comedy Central show called, like, Comedy Underground on. It was like a show on Comedy Central, and Epstein got invited to that. So it was all the lineup.

[A]

So you had the context. I was wondering if, like, maybe, like, your agent called you was like, hey,

[C]

we got a little bit of a problem.

[A]

Yeah, you are in the Epstein files. Because there's a way it could be phrased where you'd be like, wait, what?

[C]

Yeah, but honestly, if I would have still been drinking, I would have been like, oh, would I black out?

[A]

Yeah, right, right, right.

[C]

Because I'm such a people pleaser that if I found out a dude was like, what's up? You want to go hang out in my cool? You'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy, this rich guy loves me. And then you find out, you go, no.

[B]

Oh, we're having a dinner last night or two nights ago, and it was our friend Jerry o'. Connell. And then Dante, who's an employee of Barstool, crazy guy, funny guy, but he's like, big conspiracy theory guy.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

And Jerry just looked at him, he goes, dante, you know, I think, like, I think. I think Jeffrey Epstein did kill himself just like at the dinner table. And then Dante was just like, I lost so much respect.

[A]

Yeah. He was so pissed off.

[B]

But then I was like, maybe. Maybe he was just sad. Maybe Jeffrey just woke up one day and he was like, I got the blues.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I. I had it all. Yeah, yeah, look where I am. Yeah, he definitely was sad.

[B]

Yeah, he was just sad.

[C]

One guy that was holding blackmail over everybody.

[B]

Yeah. I'm just depressed, you know, Everyone gets sad sometimes.

[C]

You do wonder if he had a cellmate, though. If the cellmate's like, hey, are they going to kill me too?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I'm going to close my eyes and pretend I'm asleep.

[C]

It's like when your mom would come in your room and you're like, I wasn't playing video game, I swear. The T. Rex breathing of the guy that did it on your face going

[B]

to fucking kill me.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know, man. That was like, funny finding out all the names in it and then people immediately being like, like, oh, yeah, wasn't anything solid.

[A]

It literally was just his boring ass emails.

[C]

He was just like, decade. I'd love to go see a show. And then he didn't go, which is funnier because comics. Because I guarantee, if comics found out he did go, we. Our insecure asses would be like, who do you like the most?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What bits did I do? Like, oh, I got better bits.

[A]

Favorite comic.

[C]

Yeah. Jeffrey Epstein's the number one guy.

[B]

God, the shark door was crazy, though.

[C]

It was. It's. What else is it for?

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

It's feeding people. The sharks.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

It's probably for feeding people to sharks.

[C]

It's for feeding people, which is like,

[B]

you thought that you. The worst thing you possibly could have thought actually was he was like a Bond villain. He was like, okay, I'm going to push. I'm going to have you stand over this door.

[A]

But also kind of a dumb guy reading some of those emails.

[C]

You know what sucks about the Internet is it's. We've all found out that Bond villains are nerds.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, you watch a Bond movie and Dr. No, you're like, this guy's. But then if he would have been like, streaming or at a Dave Chappelle Show. Yeah. Where he's like, hello, Dave Chappelle. Like, come on up here, man. This is one of my friends. He's a tech billionaire.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, no. And everyone booze him and he's like, you're me. Like, Elon is a. Is a bomb.

[A]

Yeah, he absolutely is.

[B]

And then he, like. I was gonna say that if you were. If you had a modern day Bond villain, they would definitely be on social media because they would need everybody to, like, like them for sure.

[D]

Right?

[B]

They would be like, I've got my own island. I've got my. My cage of tigers. I've got my laser that's pointed at the moon. But I just want people to like me online.

[C]

But really all I want is to go to the MET Gala. Yeah, yeah, that's all. Also, Elon being like, James Bond, you're totally gonna die. I bet you're real worried. You're kind of a nerd, aren't you? Sean Connery Bond. You don't get a lot of pussy, do you? He's like, what do you mean? Usa? You're a dumb fuck. I'm from the uk.

[A]

Honestly, just become Batman. He has all the means, dude.

[C]

He would get fucked up first fight.

[A]

But what about all, like, the armor and shit and all the gadgets?

[C]

He is built to be a Bond villain.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I think you nailed it. Aim a laser at the moon.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And go. Everyone follow. Retweet me or I blow up the blue. Everyone be really cool.

[B]

My impression.

[A]

Send me your best memes.

[C]

I want your dankest memes.

[B]

Why are my impressions down 65% this month? I'm gonna point this at Greenland and melt it down.

[C]

Why is everyone retweeting Joe Biden? Retweet me or everyone dies or I raise the sea levels five feet. Yeah, dude, it sucks. It's. Social media's made Bond villains because I.

[B]

I feel like for most people, they're. They see a billionaire and they're like, if I had a billion dollars, I would just never be on social media. Like, the whole point of having a bill is to, like, escape from whatever, like, day to day that people deal with. Just go. Like, that's when you go and just disappear somewhere. Well, but it's the opposite.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you know how likable Elon Musk would be is if he just reached out to a bunch of dudes that can't make their rent?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He was like, hey, you guys, I'll pay your rent for, like, three years. And I got you season tickets to the Sixers.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Elon, number one.

[A]

Don't with him.

[C]

Dude, they would go like so hard in the paint if you just like go pay for like a frat their beer for these.

[A]

Well, I have. I have a lot. I have a long standing rule too. If you're a billionaire and you don't own a sports franchise, you like that. That's the whole reason you become a billionaire, to own a sports franchise. It's like the sniff test of like that guy you can't trust.

[C]

So I love Nate Bargettzi, one of my best friends, one of my oldest friends. He is in talks to like do some big stuff, you know, I think he's like looking at opening an amusement park. My phone call when I heard that you need to buy an MLB team and bring it to Nashville.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Nashville deserves an MLB team.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And what you need to do is have old Dan Soder and his wife Katie Nolan up in the box making a couple front office money ball money balling the out of this. I'm telling you, she knows every pitcher in the league will get your staff cheap. And running the Nashville Nates.

[A]

Yeah. Rule the national Nates you have. If I had that money, I would buy you.

[C]

How cool would that? It's the only thing.

[A]

It's the. It's the last exclusive thing.

[C]

Who would you buy?

[A]

I mean, I tried to buy the Bears. They would never sell.

[C]

You don't know that. If you got Elon money, like, if

[B]

you got Godfather money where you can make anybody an offer, like, you know,

[C]

I'm literally saying, like, what if. What if Elon was like. I don't know if you guys know this, but part of my take is my favorite thing. I listen to it while I'm programming SpaceX. All my money is yours. Yeah. So you guys each. You split Elon's money. Okay, so you're buying the Commander.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. Wrong, wrong. I buy. I buy the Dallas Cowboys and I shut them down forever. I would. I would just.

[C]

Guess what.

[B]

I would sell the franchise for parts.

[C]

Hey, Seattle, you thought it was tough losing the Sonics?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Wait till I put the Seahawks in London.

[A]

But that's so is. Let's say under this circumstance, you can't buy your own team. I think the move would be to do a Sonics or a Chargers. I'd buy like the Chargers and move them back to San Diego and just become the king of San Everyone. Just like this guy is the greatest guy ever.

[C]

I'll tell you what I do. I buy the Lakers, move them back to Minnesota. Minnesota's got two NBA teams.

[A]

Buy the Ravens, move them back to the Browns. I mean, two Browns competing Browns.

[C]

We're literally doing end game, unsnapping the fingers. I'm bringing sports franchises. Hey, Colts, Colts back. Get back in Baltimore. Yeah, that would be dick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The Brooklyn Dodgers would be awesome.

[C]

Dude. The Harlem Giants. I'm a San Francisco Giants fan, but I wouldn't mind seeing the Harlem.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the Expos being back in Montreal would suck. Would suck for me as a Nationals fan. But like, the Montreal should have a baseball. Yeah, they really should.

[C]

That might be the one thing where I understand why. Because French Canadians being like, what is this? You are good the first three months of the season and then nothing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because you. I mean, people. Old heads will remember. Baseball season was always. The stories on ESPN were always the exposure. Unbelievable. But it was May.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then they just get the. Kicked out of them the rest of the season.

[B]

The best thing that ever happened to him was a lockout year because they were in first place. It was like, the Expos are going to win the World Series.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Then they took it away. It's like, Expos would have won the World Series.

[A]

They basically won the COVID Championship.

[C]

That's. You know what I do with that same series. I go, Matt Williams would have hit. Would have broke Roger Maris's record. Because I think. I think Matt make it up. He had like 40 home runs at that time. I was like. Like third baseman for the Giants would have broke Roger Maris's record. Yeah, yeah, you.

[A]

I mean, it's co. You could just say, oh, yeah, that team would have won. I mean, Florida State, they put. They have a banner for basketball. They were number four, I think ranked number four when co happened. They have an actual banner. We're trying to buy it. That we're trying to become the house of the most, like, pathetic banners possible. Because we have Jim Ursay actually, before he passed, gifted us the 2014 AFC Finalist banner. Winner. Like the. The one that basically is like, we lost in the AFC Championship game. We have it hanging in our office, dude.

[C]

That's when McDaniel first took the job. And when he went with Kyle to San Francisco after the Atlanta New England Super Bowl, I was at his apartment, you know, like the apartment they're running in San Jose. And we were just like, eating dinner. And then at one point he goes, you want to see my losers ring? And they had the NFC championship ring. And he pulled it out. I was like, ooh, yeah. So we keep this hidden because I don't want to look at it. Yeah. Like. Yeah, I get it, but it's sick.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You got to do, like, a gift card or something. Something that's. Whoa.

[C]

500 bustle lows. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, we're going to Chili's. If you don't use it in a year, it's gone.

[C]

Wow. Well, dude, that would be so funny. You lose the NFC Championship game, and they just go around giving you Lowe's cards. Hey, good luck. They're doing a lot with lumber now. He.

[B]

He did have a 28 to 3 lead in the Super Bowl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's hard. It gets the best coach of all time.

[C]

I can. I tell you what's funny is I blame myself because I was watching that in my apartment in Queens, New York, and I went, mcdaniel's about to get a Super bowl ring. And then Tom Brady pulled off the greatest comeback of all time.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I was like, oh. Oh. So, yeah. I mean, now we'll just have to win a Super bowl with the Chargers.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He is super pumped, though, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's fun watching him.

[A]

Well, Justin Herbert is the best.

[C]

It's also. You have no idea. This is a guy I've known since we were 12 years old. He's in revenge mode in a way.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That, like, you know how. You know, your middle school friends were like, yo, that dude wants to fight. Like, he's, like, ready and all. Like, dude, he's just calling the plays and Harbaughs, letting them roll.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is actually. I didn't even, like, connect it, but it's funny because the Justin Herbert TUA thing was a debate, obviously.

[C]

Yeah. In the draft.

[A]

For the draft. And now you have, like, a common denominator where you're gonna see.

[C]

Yeah. Whatever the stats are.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I think it's going to be. Yeah. I'm very excited. I'm very excited to go to Sofi and not be a Rams game.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'm going to call them the San Diego Chargers.

[A]

Yeah. I'll move them back.

[B]

There was. There was a moment, I think, when he got hired by the Dolphins, me and Big Cat were like, we like him a lot. We just don't know how. How things are going to go. If things go bad, are they going to get really bad? And he answered all those, like, he was a. He was a good coach through some really tough seasons where he did not lose locker room. Like, you can look at that team and say, they all had his back at the end of it. So I feel like it's. It was beyond things that were a little bit beyond his control.

[C]

You know, people are acting like he didn't almost win a playoff game in Buffalo with Skyler Thompson.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just got to work on the cold.

[B]

Nicole.

[A]

Yeah, I've never seen la.

[C]

Yeah, he's in LA because he like,

[A]

you know when you see someone on TV and you're like, that guy's cold.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But he. And then he played in the coldest game and people died. I was there.

[A]

Yeah, people died in that game.

[C]

It was horrible.

[B]

Were you, were you in a suite

[C]

or were you sweet baby? You think I'm freezing my tootsies out there.

[A]

Me and Big Cat.

[C]

Wait for what? The Dolphins get out of here.

[B]

We went to a, a Patriots Bills game back in. Like, when was that? 20, 21, 2022. It was M. Jones.

[A]

It was earlier than that.

[B]

It was a shout out.

[C]

Mac Jones.

[B]

Shout out. Mac Jones.

[C]

Mac 10, baby.

[B]

Yeah, he saw a dead body. You remember that? Yeah, that was crazy.

[C]

M. Jones.

[A]

I saw. So super weak. I saw. We went to KD's party in. I brought my friend and Mac Jones there. We were talking and my friend was so hammered, he's like, so where'd you go to college to Mac Jones? Like, we gotta get the.

[C]

Yeah, we gotta.

[A]

He's like, Alabama.

[C]

You ever heard?

[B]

So we were at this game and it was like. I think the windshield was maybe 20 below. It was seriously like 50, 60 mile an hour winds where people would try field goals, the kickers would kick in warm ups and the ball would just fall straight.

[A]

It was like. It was a game where they completed like one pass. Yeah.

[B]

The Patriots just stopped running the football and so crazy. It was like one of the coldest games in Buffalo history. Me and Big Cat were like, it's not that bad. We're in the suite. Were sitting fully enclosed, which was a great way to watch shitty football was in there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But that, that Chiefs game, that was like. I remember seeing McDaniel and Tua before the game and be like, they're, they're cold.

[A]

They can't do. They're just too cold. Sometimes you get too cold.

[B]

I get it. I would get too cold.

[A]

Sometimes football's that easy.

[C]

It's just too cold. Dude. Helmets cracked. Literally helmets cracked on. The craziest was me and my friend Chad, who we all go to McDaniel's games together because we all grew up together. We were on the field with Mike's in laws, like waiting to say what's up to Mike and the temperature, the thermostat on the field was doing, like, a time travel thing where it was going, like, back in time. It was like. It was so cold. The thermostat was like. I don't know what the temperature it actually is.

[B]

Yeah, it was crazy. You had McDaniels wearing, like, six layers, and then Andy Reid's on the other sideline in shorts.

[C]

Oh, my God. Loving it.

[B]

Yeah, There's a good football wear.

[C]

It's kind of brisk.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Dude. His mustache. Do you remember his mustache? It was crazy, dude. It was like. We were in the parking lot. We, like, wanted to go tailgate to see what was going on, but it was like being in space. So you'd, like, go out and my friend drove. My buddy Chad and his brother drove from Colorado, so they were there from Denver. And we just get in his truck and warm up and then try to go back out.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And, like, you would literally get, like, maybe 10 minutes out of the car, and you're like this.

[B]

You have to tie a rope around your waist.

[C]

I don't want to get lost when you're floating way.

[B]

I do feel like cops would, like, arrest you or, like, threaten to arrest you if you were outside too long there. They're like, listen, you're going to die. You make somebody else.

[A]

But it's. It's also like. So the. The Bears playoff games this year, the second one, the Rams game, wasn't as cold as that, but it was like zero degrees. And you. You feel like it's like the manliest thing you can do is, like, getting prepared for that. Yeah, Like, I'm going to war. No, you're just. You're just putting on an extra pair of underwear, dude.

[C]

It's also really funny because you really do. You put on, like, almost like figure skating clothes.

[A]

Stay puff, man.

[C]

You go, this is so tight. And then I have my puffy coat on.

[A]

Like, damn, I'm hardcore.

[C]

And then when you peel off, you feel like you climbed a mountain.

[A]

Yeah. Yes. Like, all you did was drink 10 beers and sit in a seat.

[C]

That's it. I went back to that hotel in Kansas City and, like, took all my stuff off, and it was like. Like I climbed ever.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're. You got a little sweat going from the car.

[B]

Yeah. Need some soup.

[C]

But I was also furious because I lost a friend up there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because the Chiefs won, and I was like, get me the out of here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's nothing worse than being.

[C]

And they're. They're Were mean, dude. Really? They were. They were mean, bro. I Went to that Bills game when the Dolphins lost, and they were like Buffalo about it. Like, they were like, hey, you guys played a good game. Yeah, good luck. Good luck. You know, like, I know we're division rivals, but good luck. Thanks for coming out. Kansas City was like, get the out of here. You're like, stop being so mean. They were like, popping little bottles of champagne, and they're like, we asked to get. You know, McDaniel's wife was, like, trying to get to him after the game, and we're like. We're just, like, escorting her, me and my friend Chad, and we're like, hey, how do we get to the. And they're like, what? Just, like, shitty. Like, don't be shitty. Don't be shitty. I was like, legitimately, it made me hate the Chiefs. And my buddy Rob works for the Chiefs, and whenever I'm in Kansas City, he's like, we got to get you to a Chiefs game. I'm like, no, you don't. Yeah, and I don't want to go. You got two Super Bowls over the Niners, and you beat my friend in the playoffs.

[A]

Yeah, you, you, you. Yeah, that's a team that you don't want anything to do.

[C]

I don't give a. About the Chiefs.

[A]

Do you have. You have a. Are you tipping a special soon?

[C]

Yeah, in June for Netflix.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Yeah, so it'll come out, like, probably beginning of 20, 27.

[A]

What. What number is that, special wise?

[C]

It's my third hour, like, official hour.

[A]

And is it all done like, you. You have it?

[C]

Yeah, that hour's done. Yeah, that hour's done. Are you.

[A]

When. When you're. When you get to the. The point of the special, you're like, oh, no. Cuz you. You have to keep doing it, right?

[C]

You. I think I'm running it. I'm running it like, I got more. I think I have, like, six more shows before we tape it. But it is one of those things where it's like your senior year, high school.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Where you're like, I'm ready. Yeah, I'm ready to go.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I love it. I love. I think it's my best hour easily. And it's been, like, fun to. I. You know, I did my first theater tour, and it was, like, sick. You're just like, oh. But you get up there and you go, go. Am I gonna get back here? Guys, be cool. Let me do this again. This is too much fun. Yeah, but I'm gonna. I'm taping in June, and then I'm gonna Hit, like, a bunch of tiny clubs to build a new hour.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[C]

And that's, like, the. That you love as a comic is like, growing up, I was always like, dude, I can't wait to do weekday shows at clubs and sell out. And that's what's awesome. Like, doing a Monday and Tuesday in, like, Winnipeg.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. This rules.

[B]

And then after you tape the show as it's, like, going through the editing process, you still keep doing shows with that. With that same material. If you're doing, like, taping, you cut

[C]

it, you, like, do, like. I know which jokes I won't ever do. I won't probably ever do my clothes around this hour after I tape it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Because that was, like, the first joke that really was locked in. So it's been with me the longest, and it's a real personal story. So I'm just like, I can't wait to tape that and then just be done with it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And taping it in the Bay Area is huge.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because we're taping it at this tiny theater that's down the street from the liquor store my dad worked at.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

So it's, like, real cool.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[C]

So it's, like, fun as hell. When I told the lady that owned the theater that she was like, I definitely bought booze from your dad. I was like, well, he was probably drinking on the job.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Fun thing about him. His coffee cup was probably filled with Bacardi.

[B]

That's great. We're just up there for the. For the Super Bowl. We had never, like, really? I'd never traveled outside of the downtown part of San Francisco.

[C]

Oh, wait, that's the worst part by far.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like when people visit New York and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

They go, times Square is cool. And you go, that's not New York City.

[B]

Yeah. But finally, like, branched out a little bit. I really like San Francisco.

[C]

It's one of the best cities in. In the world.

[B]

It's super cool. Like, it's beautiful. Especially when you go up north. You go across the. The Bay Bridge.

[C]

So. Yeah. Bay Bridge is over the east. Like, the East Bay to eat to Oakland and stuff.

[A]

Stuff.

[C]

If you go over the Golden Gate Bridge. That's right where I'm taping.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Is in Marin.

[A]

Oh, you. I mean, Marin is, like, maybe the nicest place in. In the country.

[C]

Fantastic. Mill Valley.

[A]

And it's. Is where it's, you know, 10 degrees, 15 degrees warmer at all times.

[C]

It's the best weather in the World. Yeah, it is. Sweatshirt in the morning, T shirt in the afternoon, back to a sweatshirt at night.

[B]

That's perfect.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's the best weather. Yeah. And it's just like, you know, I was there when I was really little. My whole family's from the East. My dad's family's all from the East Bay and shit. So as a 49ers and Giants fan, I just go there and I'm like, angry if sports aren't happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I'm like, oh, such a. So, like, I'm gonna go out there to tape the special, but also probably gonna change to catch as many Giants games as I can.

[B]

Yeah. It is an underrated sports city, too, in terms of just, like, success for just about every franchise.

[C]

Every franchise has championships.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Except the Sharks. Sharks don't have a standard.

[A]

They're gonna be good.

[B]

They've been good.

[C]

They're gonna be good. They're a fun team. Team. They were really fun with that young kid. They got Macklin. Celebrities celebrating is unbelievable.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I'm, you know, I'm. Katie's family is a huge hockey family, so I'm marrying into a hockey family, which I never was a hockey guy. So now I'm getting into hockey in

[A]

a way that I'm, like, sharked up.

[C]

How? No, we're. I'm a Bruins.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I'm going Bruins.

[A]

Macklin is awesome, but Macklin is like,

[C]

my dad tried to get me into the Sharks when they first happened.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

When they first came out, because my dad was like, dude, Bay Area's hockey team. But I'm Bruins, baby.

[B]

People really do care about the. The Sharks, though. Like, there's a die hard San Jose Shark.

[C]

It's also San Jose. Everything else. Like, even though the Niners are in Santa Clara, obviously San Francisco claims them, but, like, San Jose is like, this is our team.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Zach, you got a question for Dan? Get over here. We introduce Zach to. To Dan. He's got no glasses.

[C]

Oh, here he comes.

[A]

Oh, there we go. Zach.

[B]

I love Zach.

[E]

What's going on? What's going on, Dan? How are we doing today, man?

[C]

Zach, how you doing?

[E]

Doing well.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Quick question. I was curious.

[C]

I heard.

[E]

I have heard you mentioned in the past that you do like to hop on the game from time to time, and I was just curious, what are your thoughts on the current state of video games and how if you think we're in a bad spot right now or not?

[C]

Not at all. I think we're. I think it's never been a Better time to be a video game player. What are we.

[E]

What are we running here nowadays, Dan?

[C]

Right now, I'm a con. Are you a computer or a console guy? Guy. Recently, I mean, a console or computer

[E]

guy recently switched to PC. But my heart will ever, always be with the console.

[C]

Yeah, I'm a PS5 guy.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Playing Arc Raiders.

[E]

What do you think about the update?

[C]

I don't. I don't really like the new map, but I like that they buffed the patina because I got that blueprint.

[E]

Oh, gosh.

[C]

Catch me. You catch me topside. I got a patina on me. I got that thing on me.

[E]

You just. You're just. You're crafting them. You got the blueprint. Okay.

[C]

But I'm in Care Bear lobbies, baby. I'm there to take out arc. I'm not a PvP guy. You shoot me or try to rap me, I will slime your ass. But I don't want to do it.

[E]

So you're going PvE. You want players, environment.

[C]

I go PvE, baby. I'm all about. I think that's what this world needs. More PvE, less PvP.

[E]

But the PvP, that's how you. That's how you tune the skills, you know what I mean? Get so good at looting. Damn, we need you. PvP.

[C]

Nah, dude. PvP. I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm just gonna start shooting everybody. I'm gonna get mad and scream. I killed the guy one time because he ran up on my group and as I was killing, I was like, why are you making me do this with my prox, Mike? Why the you making me do this? Dead? But yeah, Arc Raiders is number one. And I'm excited for the Wolverine game and I'm excited for the Halloween game that's coming out. Also college football 27.

[A]

Yeah. Can I tell you, I didn't understand anything you guys just said, but I think I appreciate the enthusiasm.

[C]

Well, you play college football.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Know this is something that you. So I run a dynasty, as you do. Yeah. You always pick a shitty team.

[A]

Yeah. So I started with Toledo.

[C]

Okay. This year for when I. When I bought college football 26, I started with East Carolina.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Built the Pirates.

[A]

Oh, love it. Your logo's so big in the middle of the field, it's sick.

[C]

And also their uni combos, unbelievable. Built up East Carolina. Went to Minnesota because I wanted that big ten action.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Turned them into a dynasty.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Went to Colorado, found myself in Syracuse for a cup of coffee, end up at UMass Amherst well, you went backwards. Went backwards because I wanted to build them up because I knew it's 30 years and then the dynasty closes, right? So I was like year 26 and I'm like, let's build up Amherst before I leave UMass Amherst, dude. My last game, I'm in the playoffs against Washington. I hold him to a field goal, I'm on the three yard line, give it to my four star running back, he runs in, fumbles at the goal line. You know how you challenge and you get the fumble back? Yeah, wouldn't let me challenge. Game over to Washington. End of dynasty.

[B]

That's like the end. That's a gut.

[A]

How long did you sit there with like a blank screen being like, what just happened?

[C]

I mouth open, going, what?

[B]

That is literally the ending of Friday Night Lights, the movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm getting goosebumps thinking about that. What, the end of an era for you too.

[C]

So let me tell you exactly what I did. That noise restarted the dynasty. Colorado State Rams ram down, baby. I'm in my second year, I've won a title, but I've gotten two Mac Mountain west championships.

[B]

Then in your next dynasty, I'm sure that you're going to, you're going to look for some revenge against the Huskies like you're going to, you're going to try to take jobs to put you as a rival. Like you want an Oregon, you're looking at that Oregon job now.

[C]

I'm telling you right now, my first thing I did on customs came schedules on Washington, week one.

[A]

Hell yeah, you got it.

[C]

And I beat the brakes off.

[A]

What, what happens when you try to explain it to Katie, what you're doing? Because like that, that she is such

[C]

a supportive wife, but has there ever been a moment she's a coach's wife

[A]

but you got to do a press conference being like, listen, like all credit to my wife.

[C]

She literally will do.

[A]

I'm a great recruiter. I got her, I recruited her.

[C]

She'll do a thing where she walks by in our apartment. She'll walk by the office while I'm playing and she goes, what we doing? We ramming up. And I'm like, oh yeah, we just took it. We just took out fucking Boise St.

[B]

On the blue field, start calling her Miss Katie.

[C]

Like Miss Katie. We just got a three star review out of Mississippi. But you know what, it's funny is. And what I did while I was running the dynasty is when McDaniel was in Miami, he goes into the office at like 2am sometimes. So if I was up late playing. I would call him and tell him about my recruiting class. Dude, I got a five star running back that I think is going to bite on Minnesota. And he goes east to west or north to south? I go pure north to south. Died out. Break easy. He goes, yeah, that's what's up one time. He goes, you know I love speed. He goes, this is speed. I go 94. He goes, you know I love speed. It was great. Yeah.

[A]

I think I had a different experience because I had a newborn during COVID and I would tell my wife, be like, listen, we gotta be. We gotta like be attentive today. We got a big game against Baylor. Yeah, I don't really care. Like, we gotta. We got a six month old.

[C]

There's a human.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And it's Covid outside. I was like, but Baylor.

[C]

But Baylor's good.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm the OC of Texas Tech and I'm trying to get a head job.

[C]

And we're in Waco. Yeah. I'm trying to, I'm trying to unlock developmental skills.

[A]

Yes. Do you start as oc? That's what I always do.

[C]

No, I started as head coach.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I started. So see, then try to work my way up.

[C]

I like that.

[A]

That's fun.

[C]

Because also what you do is you get guys into the league so your pro potential is through the roof.

[A]

And it's just fun to be because like if you start as oc, you can at a small school. Like I went like Toledo to like USC to Texas Tech, all his OCs and then got my head coaching job. It really feels like you earned your head coaching job.

[C]

Do you want to know the gayest I've ever done playing NCAA? When Shane, like back in like 2017 when Shane was on the road with me, he loved NCAA and I had 2014 in the Xbox 360 and I would do defense or I would do offense. He would do defense and special teams. And then we both recruit fruit. And then one time we were on the road together and I think we were running a dynasty with Colorado. And I jokingly but did buy two Colorado polo shirts.

[A]

Dude.

[C]

And we hit the road and I threw him one. And I just remember Shane looking down and going, hell yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

He's like, this weekend's about to be.

[A]

That's not it.

[C]

We were in Boston at Laugh Boston and he just was like, dude. He's like, dude, all we got to do is play NCAA during the day and do shows at night. Yeah, it was.

[A]

That's not, by the way, that Is not what weird at all. Because I. I used to dress up in all the gear.

[C]

It's so fun.

[A]

All the gear.

[C]

It's so fun.

[A]

Christmas this year, I was getting the. The teams were sending me the gear.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yes. Because I was streaming them. So they would literally send it. And then that, like, because it was during co too. They would like, the team accounts would be tweeting my results and there would be a shitload of people being like, we don't care. Like, this is loser. I'm like, dude, come on.

[C]

It's so fun.

[A]

So fun.

[C]

This year for Christmas, Kate, I was doing my dinosaur at the time I was at Colorado.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And Katie was like, I almost bought you a coach's jacket from Colorado. And then.

[A]

But the visor, dude, she.

[C]

But she didn't. And I told. I came in the room and I was like, just moved us to Syracuse. She's like, you gotta tell me this. I almost ordered you a jacket, which

[A]

is part of being a coach's wife.

[C]

Hey, you gotta. But I do.

[A]

Getting up and moving all the time.

[C]

So what's funny is the whole reason I did UMass Amherst was I got the offers and I go, we're not going to troll you, Mass Amherst. And she goes, I'd love to go home again.

[A]

Oh, that's fucking great.

[C]

Do you.

[A]

Who wins when you play Shane?

[C]

Well, the new one Shane got me when we streamed.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Because you know what I did? I changed passing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And it me up. So I was only throwing shallow. I wasn't doing little drops in.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. And he first game was close. Second game we streamed for ea. He beat the piss.

[A]

Yeah. I think we did a stream right before yours.

[C]

And then I got him later in the night, but he was drunk because we did a show at Helium in Philly, went back to his place and we're playing and I beat him. And he was doing the Shane thing. He's like, big man, big man. Beating up on a drunk man like that. And it just took away from the wind where I was like this dude, I'm going to to bed. This sucks. And he's like, got you. But he's nasty. He's good at it. But what's funny is people watched me lose that stream and I was on the road and like people were talking to me. Oh, yeah. Like, dudes I worked with, like, guys that were emceeing for me were like, yo, I heard your garbage. And so we were at Arlington. We were in Addison Improv in Dallas, and the MC was like, yo, I brought it with me, and I was like, like, put it in the green room right now. I want the smoke. And I ran. We did the randoms. I was Duke and I beat the tits off him. And I was like, just to let you know, this is what the we're doing.

[A]

Yeah, you're not that guy, pal.

[C]

Yeah. You watch it on tv, then you get in the room. You're energizing, man.

[A]

In the arena.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Real big man up at the bleachers. Come on down here and get slapped around a little.

[B]

Where do you stand on, like, like, spamming the plays, though? Because, like, we. We would sit down when we played. I got. I got my ass kicked. But then I was like, I think I can put together a decent game plan if I run these same, like, three or four plays.

[C]

I have one of a mutual friend of Shane, and I's dead. He's nasty at the game, and, like, I won't play him because I just know he's nasty. But then I had like six plays for my dynasty that I was like, these are.

[A]

You just learn them. Yeah.

[C]

And then they worked once. And then the second time, he was like, oh, you're gonna go to the middle pick. Oh, you're gonna throw deep pick.

[A]

Yeah, it's like, yeah.

[C]

And then you get like, little kid frustrated.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

When your plays that always work don't work. Yep. I don't want to do this anymore.

[A]

You just keep running it. No, I mean, I. The chat. You said, just kill me, because I would. I would spam. I just ran Shark Wheel over and over. Every time I got in a bad spot. Shark Wheel, But. And it made me feel so bad about it. Like, you just run the same plays over. I'm like, dude, I'm playing winning football, dude.

[C]

He was calling me RuPaul because I kept running drag routes. He's like, oh, look, it's RuPaul's drag route. And then he just have a linebacker pick me. I was getting so mad. Oh, hey, RuPaul. You running one of your drag rat races? Oh, man.

[A]

Man, so good. So much fun. All right, I got one last question. This has been awesome, dude. I love having you on.

[C]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

Roback question. Rhobak.com promo code. Take 20% off your first purchase. Q, zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com promo code, take. Zach, come back out here for the Roback question. I know you got another one. Zach loves video games. Loves video games.

[C]

I love, I love so getting anyone

[A]

to talk his language. Like, when you guys were going back, I think there was a PvE. PVC.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's like PC P. It's like, are you playing against the computer? You playing against. Against other people in other players?

[C]

PvP means your other players are shooting at you on the level PvE is, there's like, giant machines that you're trying to kill.

[B]

I do. I. I usually play. So I. I do the flight. I run the flight simulator, and I usually just go PvE. Because you can design these, like, really intricate missions. You feel like you're doing Top Gun, but then I get into a PvP environment and I'm just getting shot with miss. I never hear him coming. I'm dead, like, the second after I take off. It's a big boost to my ego, honestly, to play PvE all the time.

[C]

Yeah. Because you go, I'm. I'm getting something done. Also, I like the teamwork work. Hey, we killed that giant robot.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That might be our future.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That might be what we're headed for.

[A]

We're training for this.

[C]

So this might be good to take out drones, right? You have to shoot their turbines to get them out. Yeah, we.

[A]

Have you ever played video games so late that you miss something waking up?

[C]

No, but I have played video games in the evening to where I'm late to shows. Oh. Which is hard to be at a comedy club and be like, why were you late? And immediately, if you're in New York, you go, subway.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But real answer is Colorado State.

[C]

I'm sorry, The Rams. The rams are down 17 in Lincoln, and you think I'm not battling back? What? I'm going to pause it until I'm done telling my little stories. Get out of here.

[A]

All right, Zach, go ahead.

[E]

So, Dan, I was curious if we do ever get Grand Theft Auto 6, it's kind of on the horizon. We may never get it. If we do get it, are you hopping into roleplay or are you hopping into the story mode?

[C]

Story mode first.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

And then I'll do role play, then

[E]

you hop into our rp.

[C]

Yeah, then I'll do it rp, but story mode first, for sure.

[E]

And when it comes to rp, are you more of like, you want to run an honest business like a car dealership or a taco truck? Or are you kind of. Are you in the streets? Are you kind of.

[C]

I'm for the streets, okay. I'm for bank robberies. I'm full, Michael. Just let me go. Let's go rob some. Yeah, I don't want to run an actual business. It always reminds me of the Rick and Morty where he does the simulator and then he takes it off and he goes, you went back to the carpet store after you got cancer. That's what you're thinking? Like, why are you working at a job, dude? Go get fucking nuts.

[B]

These guys are streaming. Running a videotape store.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like a Blockbuster. Yeah.

[A]

Old school one. Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

We're like. We're slinging tapes, cotton candy, and snacks right now.

[C]

Good for you. How's business?

[E]

Business good? We recently, we were waiving fees early on, but, like, we're kind of behind the eight ball when it comes to income, so we're going to have to start hitting guys over the head.

[C]

I like that. And also maybe rob a bank or two.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You also are built.

[C]

Are you just.

[A]

You're playing a game where you just

[E]

dig a hole that. That has been completed. Memes DEG to the depths of the earth in that hole.

[C]

Really?

[A]

They were just digging a hole. I'd walk into our studio, and they'd just be in the corner digging a hole there.

[C]

There are certain areas of video games that I just don't go, yeah, but I will repeat. Like, I'll probably play college football till the day I die.

[A]

Yes, absolutely.

[C]

And I'll run a dynasty. And people go, I'll see you online and get that smoke. You go, no, because I'm. You know what I'm doing? Pve.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm playing the computer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm running my dynasty.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Because playing against humans just like it.

[C]

Because they will spam.

[A]

Right, right, Exactly.

[B]

They'll spam.

[A]

And, like, I just want to play. And. And I want to. I want to be able to shut my brain off and pretend that I'm the head coach of a college.

[C]

Also, I got this freshman Edelman at D end that is just absolutely ripping.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he's a 67 overall, but the guy has 15 sacks.

[A]

Sky's the limit.

[C]

So what are we doing with the Dev trait, baby? Are we up? Are we up to a real problem?

[B]

And you can't walk away from those. Those kids are. They came there not only to. To, you know, win football games, but to become men.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

And that's your most important job as a coach. Like, you'd feel bad if you left, if you abandoned your team.

[A]

You know, you need to do. You get. You get Katie to start, like, baking stuff for the team, but it's just you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Miss Katie Morgan. Leo Lasagna before the game.

[C]

Oh, Miss. Oh, Miss Katie's Jambala. This is me, Katie, and our dog. She's. She's a booster. Our dog's the booster. Ms. Moodle. The whole team over before game nights. Dude, I absolutely. Pitching this for, like, a Saturday.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Team dinner. What are we doing? Wingstop team dinner.

[A]

Let's go. It's all about camaraderie now.

[C]

I'm legitimately excited to fly back to New York for my dining.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

This is like dirty talk for me. Where I go, who do I have next? Yeah.

[A]

Because I know there is nothing worse than being away from it for a few days. You're just like, God damn it.

[C]

And you know what? I was in the thick of Mountain west competition because I beat number one lsu because they beat me in the playoffs. And then I beat number three, Michigan, and we jumped into the top 25. And now just house and mountains and west teams. I think we got New Mexico. I think we got the Lobos batting practice now.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's just like. Let's just get the stats up.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You got to take it one week at a time, though. That's how you get caught. Right?

[C]

Like a trap game. Absolutely. Dude. Happened to me with Air Force.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's a rivalry game. I'm thinking where they running the option. Next thing I know, I'm cursing up a storm. Yeah.

[B]

Have you ever considered, like, do you do the thing where if. If you're getting beat by an Air Force in a game, you're probably favored by, like, 25 points? Have you ever unplugged, plugged?

[C]

You know, what is the sign of maturity? Taking the L's? Yeah, taking the L's. Because I was a reset guy until my mid to late 20s, and then I was like, no, life's about taking.

[A]

It's also not fun to go undefeated every year. No, it isn't. Like, the. The hardships is actually the fun.

[C]

Yeah, we lost. We have a loss right now, and I'm like, we're going to battle back. Yeah, we lost in Nebraska, in Lincoln. Yeah, we're going to battle.

[A]

It took me during COVID It took me legitimately, like, nine seasons to win a Natty. How fun is it? So much better.

[C]

Yeah. Makes it so much. You know what's funny is when I play, I smoke bowls, and we're in an apartment building in New York, and there's new neighbors across the street, and they're very active in their windows. So I know they just watch me open my little window and blow a cloud of weed smoke out and Then they can just see me sit on my couch and do the lean forward when I'm losing. So I've had to start shutting my blinds. Like, I'm doing up because I'm like, I don't want these people watching me.

[A]

You need to put, like, a sign up, being like, I'm actually a very successful person.

[C]

I'm not joking, Big Cat. There was times where I was like, I want to, like, text him my IMDb.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[C]

Like, I work, dude.

[A]

I have a job. I'm, like, very good at it.

[C]

This is me relaxing.

[B]

I thought you were gonna say, I want to text them and let them know, like, hey, we're actually seven and one on the year.

[C]

Yeah. And by the way, I respect Nebraska for their win, but I will see them in the playoffs. Oh, man.

[A]

All right. Thank you so much, Dan.

[C]

Appreciate it. Thanks for having me on.

[A]

Everyone get ready for the special coming out. What do you think? End of the year?

[C]

I want to say probably January, February, 2027.

[A]

Well, hopefully we see you before then.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Come through Chicago.

[C]

Absolutely, I will.

[A]

All right. Thanks, man.

[C]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Dan Soder was brought to you by our great friends over at Noble Barstool's favorite footwear brand. I'm wearing mine right now.

[A]

I am, too.

[B]

Big Cat's got his on. The Nobles are insanely comfortable. Max, I see you're wearing yours. They've got so many great styles, so many great colors, but lately, we've been wearing their daily runner, the Journey 2. That's what I'm wearing right now. It is seriously a super comfortable shoe. We love it. It's soft where you want, structured where you need. You can take it outside. You can run or walk. The Journey Twos are made to move your way. I love the Journey Twos. I've worn them every single day this week exclusively for part of my take listeners. Noble is offering 35 off your first order. Visit nobleproject.com use code PMT. Get 35 off your entire first order. That's N O B U-L-L-P-R-O-J-E-C-T.com use code PMT. Get 35 off. Noble is the best. Their shoes, the Journey twos are the best. If you're wearing them around city to city, if you're going through the airport, if you're running out to grab coffee, going for a walk with a dog, taking them to work, doesn't matter. Noble is the best. Check them out, nobleproject.com code pmt and get 35% off. And the interview Dancehood was also brought to you by Mountain Dew. Summer's coming. I can't wait to get some more baseball games. Can't wait to get to the lake. Can't wait to get to Camp Barstool. Again. Nothing goes better with being outdoors, hanging with your friends and the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew is proudly born in the foothills of Tennessee. And you can enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American original. Grab a do. Tasting great since 48.

[A]

Okay, let's wrap up the show. We got FAQ's breaking moves. I have received the text back from Big Dom before Max because I congratulated him. You still haven't done it. He said, thanks, bro. I appreciate you, paisan. Love that.

[B]

Did he offer you Jersey?

[A]

It's all respect. No, I'll say. Also, Max wants 99 meatball.

[B]

What would you take in a trade? What would have to be for Big Dom? Max, if somebody called up untouchable. Untouchable, Untouchable. Somebody calls up Howie and they say, nope, you get. You get Josh Allen. It's actually a three way trade. You get Josh Allen. George Kittle.

[F]

No, thank you.

[B]

Trent Williams.

[F]

Thank you, but no thank you for Big Dom.

[C]

And.

[B]

Oh, wait, hang on. Want the Chiefs want to get involved in the straight too. They want to send over Patrick Mahomes. So you have Mahomes and Josh Allen.

[F]

He's owing one on his last Super Bowl.

[B]

Okay, so nothing untouchable. No.

[A]

Yes.

[F]

No, thank you.

[B]

Okay. I would love to see what the contract is then for an untouchable guy. Does he have, do you think? Dom's got no trade clause.

[F]

He's. It's probably just. Yeah, he's never going to be traded. He knows that.

[A]

All right. I text him saying 99 meatballs. So we get that. Be great. Great, great Jersey FAQs.

[D]

Bo and row two. What moment?

[A]

Oh, for tonight.

[D]

What moment? During the bachelor party, did Big Cat and PFT feel like they were too old to be at a Vegas bachelor party?

[B]

Wait, this might be a question for tonight's show.

[A]

Oh, was it?

[B]

If it's Bow and row too.

[A]

This one's fine. Though I would say it was. Is.

[B]

Don't you understand that? Bone row two.

[A]

The guy is. The guy's going to the show.

[B]

His name might be Bo. He might be in row two tonight. He might be. This might be one of the questions that we're having for tonight. But we can answer.

[A]

We can answer both ways.

[C]

The.

[A]

I don't know why you making faces are You.

[F]

Okay, let's talk, let's talk this out. Why are you making that face?

[D]

What did we do? Submissions for questions for tonight.

[A]

No, but for tomorrow's show. We have two shows today right now. Recording one right now. Now for tomorrow.

[F]

But, but you're asking, are we doing questions for the show tonight?

[D]

I, like, I don't think we are.

[F]

Right, right.

[D]

That's where like saying that is if there's that from tonight. Like, I didn't know that was a plan for tonight.

[B]

We did have something that we were going to do for submissions for tonight's questions that we talked about yesterday. I don't know if that actually happened.

[A]

This is a really well planned out show, boys. I don't remember that. We'll talk about that off here, but let's answer this question first.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know how PFD feels. I would say about 1am every night.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, for me, I think it's a pretty easy answer. And that's when we walked into to the nightclub John Summit. To John Summit. Yep. And yeah, walking in once, not even when we're at the bar or at our table, it was like when you go into the dark to go into the club and all of a sudden like I can't really see that well or hear anything right now. Once like two of your five senses start to go away, then you're like, yeah, I'm too old to be here. Body just gets into fight or flight mode. Yeah.

[A]

I, I, you guys can tell us from your perspective. But I feel like PFD and I were like, if you go on a bachelor party and like either the dads come or like, you know, brother in law or someone and it's like, hey,

[C]

look, we're a little older.

[A]

We're gonna hang until we probably shouldn't be hanging anymore. And then we like my favorite time was we drank all day on Saturday. I had a great time drinking all day Saturday. Then by 1:30 I was like, yeah, you know what, I'm ready to go home. And I, I don't feel bad about it.

[B]

I don't think you guys cared either at all.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

No, it's a great time. We let the pups go on.

[A]

Yeah. So that was the John Summit moment.

[B]

Was.

[A]

Yeah, that was definitely. I, I need to, we need to go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get out of here. We just, we're just too old for that. You don't want to be that guy at the club.

[D]

What trends would the PMT show have participated in or Blasted. That occurred prior to the show beginning. Would you all have been t. Boing in the office? Would there have been a version of the Harlem Shake? Oh, curious to know where you all would have been participating or drawing a line on the tomfoolery.

[B]

We would have definitely done planking. Would have been day one. We would have. We were playing. Somebody would have gotten injured.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

So we definitely would.

[A]

I got another answer, though.

[B]

Well, I think. I think we would have done some serious work in the parkour community.

[A]

I think we would have have had some awesome battles with collecting Beanie Babies. Like, big time battles. Like, getting, you know, what was that? What was the one that was, like, the Queen Elizabeth one or the Diana. Princess Diana?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. The one that, like, the one that Elton John like, blessed.

[A]

Like, we would have started it as a bit, and then we would have gotten very serious about it, and our studio would have been full of Beanie Babies.

[B]

Yeah. Have you seen that picture of the divorce where the judges did to. That would have been awesome.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When part of my take breaks up, who gets the Beanie Babies?

[A]

Like, we're just doing it as a joke. And then, like. And then, like, pft. Being like, hank, look, I got this Beanie baby you really want, and then Hank getting a bunch over the top. It would have been cool. Podcast.

[B]

Yeah. Beanie Baby. Yeah.

[A]

Maybe we should just do that.

[B]

What about, like, if we were in New York when. When hip hop was coming out for the first time, you think we'd get, like, some cardboard boxes and lay down, go out break dancing?

[A]

I'm gonna say no.

[B]

I think maybe.

[A]

Maybe I'm gonna say no. What you got, Max?

[F]

Ice bucket challenges.

[A]

We did do that.

[F]

That was.

[A]

Oh, not. Not on the show, but yeah, we did. What other challenges? Still the one I think about all the time that I wish we had. Maybe we still can do it in the office. That. That one. That was during COVID where people were trying to walk up the pyramid of milk crates and just like, die.

[B]

Dying. Yeah.

[A]

That was awesome.

[B]

That was good.

[A]

I wish we also had gotten into the golf cart smashing to people thing, which still time on that always made me laugh.

[D]

Shrink.

[C]

Oh, no. Are you.

[A]

Are you enough of a golfer now that you can say shrink to me?

[D]

No, no. I mean, I'm joking, but no.

[C]

I'm.

[D]

I'm in the shrink, right?

[A]

We're in the shrink. We're in the shrink blast zone.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Big time.

[D]

Yeah. How do you balance busting each other's balls and supporting each other? Any hidden Stories about supporting each other.

[A]

Supporting each other.

[B]

Any hidden stories about support, about supporting your bros?

[A]

I mean, if there's ever real life stuff, we obviously always have each other's back. I think it's also just a kind of implied. We have each other's back.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You don't have to, like.

[D]

I think it's just ball busting is just kind of just never stops. There's not really like a. It's fun at ball busting time versus

[A]

imagine if we did a. We should start doing that like a nap time or like, once a month, just be like, all right, guys, let's support each other.

[F]

That would be awkward.

[A]

So. Yeah, that would suck.

[B]

Everybody go around the room. Say something that you love about memes.

[A]

No, but everyone. Everyone in this room has been through and like, like, known that we're all there for them. So. Yeah, it's like an implied. It's. It. It doesn't need to be said. It's just known, which is, I think, the best friendship you can have. I think if you. If we were, like, always like, hey, man, I. I support you no matter what. It's like, what. What are you talking about? That would become ball busting.

[B]

We do trustful.

[A]

Yeah. Where you'd be like, wait, what are you doing? Are you doing a bit right now? Where's the camera? Why are you saying that? That would. 100 if I walked up to you, Hank, tomorrow, I was like, hey, just so you know, I support. Support you.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

100 think I'm what's happening. Right?

[B]

And honestly, then if. If Hank was like, thank you, big cat. I really appreciate it.

[A]

I would think he's doing it to me.

[B]

No, Then you'd be like, that's kind of like sus that you're gonna let another man support you like that. And it would just turn into another thing. The honest. Yeah, the. The, like, the, like, honest, sappy moments would last probably about two seconds. Yeah.

[A]

We should try it. We should try it once. Just once.

[D]

All right, last one. I got a question for Zach. Oh, if you don't find your glasses from the gentleman's club, are you going to buy a replacement or stop wearing glasses? A memoriam of the lost glasses.

[E]

Oh, we're going to get a new. I got to replace a pair so quick. We can't do memoriams. I do. I. That's okay. I appreciate that idea. I'll probably be equipped with a new pair of lenses very soon.

[F]

You don't appreciate that idea?

[E]

What's up?

[F]

You don't like that idea at all.

[E]

No, actually, you're right. No, I don't. In memoriam. I don't. I would never do that.

[C]

That.

[E]

I'm getting glasses up pretty quick.

[B]

So, like, the day one listeners, part of my take would. Would remember the time that I left my wallet in Cleveland and then the Cavs went on to win the NBA championship. And that was we said, maybe the wallet got things because I could have gone back to get it, but I sacrificed, I said, for the city of Cleveland. Do you think that there's a chance that since you left your glasses in that cabaret, like, we should bet on the Golden Knights to win the Stanley

[D]

cup in for that?

[E]

I'm not opposed to that, but I don't want to take any credit away from the Golden Knights. I would like to give all credit to them.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What do you got? Nothing. You guys got to stop saying cabaret. A strip club. No, you. You're the one who brought cabaret in our lexicon. You guys kept saying cabaret.

[C]

You did.

[A]

I. I thought it was a cab cabaret they're going to wear. I was like, oh, man, it's cabaret, but no strip club. Big Dom said, done. That's perfect. Perfect for my guy. 99 meatballs. My God, Zach, do you think we could sell potentially? Let's maybe do this. Because I. I think what we've learned from this is maybe we need to get like four or five extra pairs of glasses. And glasses are expensive. I don't know. I'm not a nerd. So how much are glasses?

[E]

I think the visually impaired transcends all sorts of archetypes of men and women.

[A]

Right.

[E]

But so for just the lenses, so you get the frames. Are we talking with the eye test or not? Without the eye test.

[A]

Without out.

[E]

So frame's probably 100 bucks and they charge you like 50 bucks to put in the blue light lens. Like 145. Catch a deal.

[A]

All right, so we need to buy like five or six pairs of these. And I think maybe we should put a T shirt in the barstool sports store that just says, I lost my eyeglasses at the strip club. Cuz that could work for a strip club.

[F]

Or cabaret.

[A]

Cabaret. Parentheses strip club. Because that could work for anyone who's like, I would wear that as a guy who doesn't have to wear glasses because then everyone see the shirt and be like, that guy rocks. He lost his glasses at the cabaret.

[E]

At the cabaret.

[A]

At the cabaret. The shirt club.

[F]

I feel like we wouldn't sell too many of those shirts. But it would be funny for the people that would buy.

[A]

We should give it a shot.

[F]

Do that to.

[E]

To the three people who might get those shirts. They look great on you.

[A]

Okay. All right, we'll get that shirt up there. I mean, we sold not. Not an intercourse. Intercourse, Check mark. So why not Zach's Angels?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I lost my glasses between two tits. How about that?

[A]

That. Oh, that would be good.

[E]

I think I lost the glasses because of the 2T.

[A]

What if it was. What if we.

[C]

What if the.

[A]

What if it's like the big dog shirt? So we make like a.

[C]

A.

[A]

A big dog that looks like Zach and it says when the tits come out, the glasses come off. Big dog.

[E]

That feels relatable.

[A]

Yeah, right?

[B]

I got 2020 vision when it comes to nips.

[E]

Couldn't see him.

[A]

I'm just so happy that you went back to find. Try to find him. That's a guy. No, you're like a marine. There's no one left behind.

[E]

No, Len is left behind. Yeah.

[A]

No sun, no glasses. Left behind.

[E]

I thought there was a great chance I was gonna find him. I really did. And then I never did.

[A]

All right, Good show, boys. We'll be back in studio on. That was so gross. Goes. We'll be back in studio on Friday's show. We will have a recap, by the way, of the games. We'll actually watch the night Games. Numbers. I'm going to spin. I have shadow. Pardon my balls. 11 deck. Dev. Oh, my God.

[B]

So much.

[D]

70.

[B]

77.

[E]

5, 21.

[A]

86. Max Colton.

[C]

56.

[A]

17 for Dom. Spinning, spinning, spinning. 66.

[B]

Did somebody say 66?

[C]

Nope.

[A]

I saw you say 66, Colton. What'd you say? 69.

[B]

69. 56. We heard 56. 69 combo together. 66.

[A]

Love combos.

[B]

Happy birthday to Angel Reese, Sam Decker and Chris Paul. Chris Paul's 40 today. Happy birthday, Chris Paul. Also Jason Whitten, Cam Dicker. Dicker.

[F]

The kicker.

[A]

Nice. Good birthdays.

[C]

Love you guys.