Brand New Dungeons And Dragons Campaign With Timm Woods And Nick Turani

Summary

Pardon My Take: Brand New Dungeons And Dragons Campaign With Tim Woods And Nick Turani

Release Date: June 30, 2025

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Introduction

In this special episode of Pardon My Take, hosted by Big Cat and PFT Commenter from Barstool Sports, the show takes a spirited detour from its usual sports-centric discussions to embark on an engaging Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) campaign. Joined by guest Tim Woods and fellow host Nick Turani, the team delves into a meticulously crafted adventure, showcasing their improvisational skills and camaraderie. This immersive session not only entertains but also highlights the collaborative storytelling that makes D&D a beloved pastime.

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Character Creation and Team Dynamics

The episode kicks off with the creation of distinct characters, each bringing their unique traits to the table:

• Big Cat as Norm, the Human Barbarian

  • Notably declares his strength and commitment to the team.

• PFT Commenter as Wayne, the Hill Dwarf Bard

  • Balances support with some damage-dealing capabilities.

• Hank as Erlik, the Gnome Warlock

  • Emphasizes his dual role in healing and damage.

• Greg as Greg, the Human Paladin

  • Focuses on protection and support for the team.

• Nick Turani as Zach, the Human Cleric of the Storm God, Pound Found

  • Designed to provide healing while contributing to damage when needed.

Notable Quote:

Big Cat (00:02:16): "We have two and a half hours of Dungeons and Dragons with Tim Woods. Great, great episode."

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Adventure Setup: The Dragon of Mount Speartop

Tim Woods introduces the adventure titled "The Dragon of Mount Speartop," a classic quest where a red fire-breathing dragon threatens local villages. The team is tasked with venturing to Mount Speartop to vanquish the dragon. The setting begins in the renowned city of Baldur's Gate, known for its stout defenses against such threats.

Key Points:

• Objective: Slay the dragon causing devastation.
• Location: From the well-protected Baldur's Gate to the perilous Mount Speartop.
• Strategy: The team can choose to gather information and supplies in town or head straight to the mountain.

Notable Quote:

PFT Commenter (07:31): "This is Tim Woods' original adventure. Normally I've been running canned adventures, but this is 100% Timwood's creation."

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Early Encounters: Kobold Confrontations

As the team progresses, they encounter kobolds—small, cunning lizard-like creatures. Initial interactions involve intimidation attempts, distractions, and strategic eliminations of these minor threats. The team's ability to work together shines as they manage to incapacitate and eliminate the kobolds using a combination of physical attacks and magical spells.

Notable Quotes:

Big Cat (07:54): "I'm Snorlax."

Hank (09:04): "I want to check out the temple to see what Pound Found's got going on."

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Gathering Intelligence and Preparing for the Dragon

Through interactions in the tavern and with the local temple, the team gathers crucial information about the dragon's movements and habitat. The discovery of spyglasses in the kobolds' possession reveals the dragon's likely location within the mountain. Additionally, the team secures enchanted equipment, such as the Greataxe of the Chill, which aids in their quest against the fiery beast.

Key Points:

• Information Gathering: Learning about the dragon's lair through hobbit testimonies.
• Equipment Upgrades: Enhancing their gear to better confront the dragon.

Notable Quote:

PFT Commenter (21:53): "You have a holographic Charizard, which will confuse the dragon when summoned."

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Battle Preparations and Final Showdown

With the foundation laid, the team advances towards the dragon's lair, navigating through treacherous terrains and dealing with remaining kobold factions. The climactic battle unfolds as they face the dragon directly. Utilizing their unique abilities—raging, spellcasting, and strategic attacks—they work in unison to bring down the formidable foe. Despite taking some damage, the team's resilience and tactical prowess lead to the dragon's defeat.

Key Points:

• Teamwork: Coordinated attacks and support spells maximize their effectiveness.
• Resilience: Even after sustaining injuries, the team remains focused on their mission.
• Victory: The dragon is ultimately slain, securing the safety of the local villages.

Notable Quotes:

Big Cat (161:44): "I'm going to kill this dragon on the next turn."

Greg (159:48): "Let's smite."

PFT Commenter (162:04): "And so he is down to 11 HP left. Well done, Wayne."

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Conclusion and Reflections

The episode concludes with the triumphant defeat of the dragon, showcasing the power of collaboration and strategic planning inherent in D&D gameplay. The hosts reflect on the adventure's highlights, emphasizing the importance of each team member's contributions. Tim Woods also shares information about his ongoing and upcoming D&D sessions, encouraging listeners to join and experience similar adventures.

Notable Quote:

PFT Commenter (162:27): "Greg is healing us all, ensuring we stay in the fight to defeat the dragon."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Pardon My Take stands out as a testament to the show's versatility and the hosts' passion for interactive storytelling. By seamlessly blending humor, strategy, and fantasy, Big Cat, PFT Commenter, Tim Woods, and Nick Turani deliver an unforgettable D&D experience that captivates both seasoned players and newcomers alike.

Notable Quote:

Big Cat (164:09): "We have to heal the tank... Let's heal ourselves and move on to defeat the dragon."

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For more episodes of "Pardon My Take," visit barstool.link/pardon-my-take and tune in on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime Members can enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music.

Transcript

[Big Cat]

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Golf season is in full swing and getting out there to work on your game is bound to make any day even better. And if you're looking to improve your drive, Chevy Equinox EV is the smartest choice you can make. Bold athletic styling, a commanding presence, award winning tech, an impressive range, all with an affordable msrp. Chevy Equinox EV will put a smile on your face no matter how your scorecard shakes out. On today's part of my take, It's Dungeons and Dragons time. Our guy Tim woods is back with us. It is a week off at Barstool hq. We will have a show on Wednesday with some updating of NBA Free agency, but we have two and a half hours of Dungeons and Dragons with Tim Woods. Great, great episode. We love having Tim Woods. So get ready, buckle up. It's all brought to you by our friends at DraftKings. Nothing says summer like long days, clutch plays and firing off a few bets on the games. All with DraftKings sportsbook. As the season heats up, so do the bats, and DraftKings sportsbook has you covered with live betting, home run props, odds boosts and more. Whether you're chasing dingers or jumping in mid game, there's always action to be had. Never bet on baseball before. It's easy. Pick a guy to go yard, hammer some live odds mid game or just ride with your squad and hope for the best. No spreadsheets, just vibes and dingers. Here's something special for first timers. New DraftKings customers bet $5. Get 150 in bonus bets instantly. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app. Use code TAKE. That's code TAKE for new customers to get $150 in bonus bets instantly. When you bet just five bucks only on DraftKings, the crown is yours.

[PFT]

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[Big Cat]

Okay, let's go.

[PFT]

Hey, football guy. Patino aws.

[Hank]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Welcome to part of my take presented by DraftKings. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app. Use code take. That's code take. For new customers. Get 150 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just five bucks only on DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Monday, June 30th, and it's Dungeons and Dragons time. So let's kick it in studio with our guy, Tim Woods. Okay, we are back. Dungeons and Dragons special 4th of July episode.

[PFT]

Yes.

[Big Cat]

Oh, who was that?

[Tim Woods]

It's pretty.

[Big Cat]

Okay, so we are in the studio. We have Tim woods here in Chicago.

[PFT]

Good to be here.

[Big Cat]

We have a very special edition in Zach. Tim, first of all, how are you?

[PFT]

I'm doing fantastic. Absolutely great. How are you doing?

[Big Cat]

I'm great. By the way, look at that merch.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Oh, absolutely. T shirts have just dropped and they're on my website. Thank you very much.

[Big Cat]

I was. I was doing a photo shoot. I was doing a photo shoot this morning with Stella and Tim. Absolutely Stella. I was like, hey, this is my dog, Stella. And he goes, absolutely, Stella.

[PFT]

Notice I did that. I wanted to make sure that Stella got the branding dog. If I had said, hey, Stella, Stella would have gotten me the, like, head. Like, that's not what I want, though.

[Big Cat]

You absolutely don't.

[Zach]

That's how Tim said hello to me this morning. He just go, yeah. And then Ice Cube came in. Did you absolutely. Ice Cube?

[PFT]

I don't think I did. I think I got too nervous, unfortunately.

[Zach]

That would have been the whole time. Absolutely.

[Big Cat]

Ringo Star just lost his muscle.

[Zach]

I lost my muscle. Well, I am Ringo Starr today, but I'm Ringo Starr as a bicyclist. And also Zach thought that Ringo Starr meant the guy with the star over his eye and Kiss. So it's kind of like a three way costume, which is fun.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Tim Woods]

So I don't want to be rude, but now that the mustache is off, like, it basically just looks like you put on face paint.

[Big Cat]

Because you could wear that outfit. Yeah, that is something you'd wear.

[Tim Woods]

If you're walking around the office with that outfit on, no one would bat an eye.

[Greg]

Looks like that's PFT with kind of a star.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. All right, so let's go around the room. So pft. You are Ringo. Ringo Starr from Kiss.

[Zach]

Ringo Starr from Kiss, who also rides a bike.

[Tim Woods]

Ringo Star.

[Zach]

Yeah. And I have a gun and an ax. So, I mean, you're basic D and.

[PFT]

D. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Big Cat]

Nick.

[Greg]

I'm infant newborn Pikachu with a Tommy gun just dawning on me that my little yellow penis is going to be on the biggest sports Podcast in America.

[Big Cat]

Okay, Zach.

[Hank]

I'm a Wolverine Claws tuck today.

[Big Cat]

Okay. You look. You have a great costume.

[Greg]

Yeah, you did really well.

[Hank]

I was. I was willing to pivot with anyone on Wolverine, but you guys look great as well. I think. I think we got great. We've got costumes. We got costumes.

[Zach]

Who do you think looks the best?

[Hank]

I. I really like the Brittany, and I really like the Ringo Starr with the. The bicyclist Glock. And I thought the. I thought. I did think the shoulder pads would sell more as the overlord of D D. They didn't sell as much as I thought they would.

[Big Cat]

No. These didn't do anything. Okay. Hank.

[Greg]

Yeah. For. Yeah, yeah. Gonna get it taken down.

[Tim Woods]

I am Britney Spears. Zach said he didn't realize Britney Speed got me a woman's costume till after he bought it. So I got bell bottoms and a wig. I actually. I think I look hot.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach]

You look pretty good.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, I like the bag.

[Zach]

You kind of look like Dog the bounty hunter a little bit Dog it.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. Say, go with. Go with Christ, bruh.

[Tim Woods]

Go with Christ, bruh.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[PFT]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. All right. And I am Snorlax.

[Greg]

You're Snorlax?

[Big Cat]

I'm Snorlax.

[Tim Woods]

On brand.

[Big Cat]

But I was.

[Greg]

Oh, that was brutal.

[Big Cat]

Does that mean that was up Snorlax, this sleep Pokemon. Hey, I know I wasn't gonna be Snorlax. Zach. Initially, my costume was just simply these shoulder pads, these leather shoulder pads. He bought me about 8% of a costume.

[Zach]

You had a helmet, too.

[Big Cat]

I did have a helmet, so, yeah, like maybe 12% of a costume.

[Zach]

You probably had the best costume and a sword with the 12% of the costume.

[Big Cat]

12%. My 12% was incredible. It just only was 12%. I was just wearing jeans and a T shirt. So I pivoted to snorlax with the 12%. And then also I got a Glock as well.

[Hank]

You have a Glock. So a sword that you can pivot to if you'd like to as well.

[Big Cat]

Okay. Yeah.

[Tim Woods]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

All right. So, Tim, let's. Let's get it going. Good job, Zach. On, well, no, Job Job. You got us something that made us look a little different than our normal clothes.

[Tim Woods]

Job attempted.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Hank]

You can hang your hat on Job not executed.

[Big Cat]

No, not at all.

[PFT]

Solid eight on a D20. Oh, no, yeah. Absolutely. On a D20. Yeah.

[Big Cat]

It was, like, maybe a two on it.

[PFT]

Okay. It wasn't a one. It was not a natural one.

[Big Cat]

There we go. There we go. Tim.

[PFT]

Let's.

[Big Cat]

Let's get into it, whatever you want to go.

[PFT]

I want to first of all say that we need a character for Zach. So I'll just go around and just remind us. Of course, Big Cat, you are going to be Norm, the human barbarian. Joining the team once again, we've got Pft as Wayne, our hill dwarf bard. We've got Hank as our gnome warlock, Erlik. And we've got Nick returning as Greg, the human paladin. Greg with two GS, I believe. Yes, absolutely. Now, I heard that, Zach, you're a fan of doing some heals with a little bit of DPS on the side, is that correct?

[Hank]

I am a fan of main heels, yes, absolutely.

[Tim Woods]

100% Marvel rivals.

[PFT]

In Marvel Rivals, I am aware that Zack is a fan of doing mainly heals, but also some dps kind of as a secondary role. So I found the perfect character for Zack. This is a human cleric of the Storm nurses in the army. What that means is time.

[Big Cat]

Can I just ask a question real quick? You're. You play a video game and you're the nurse.

[Hank]

We run two roles, so I'm doing heels and damage. So I'm doubling. I'm looking out for the time.

[Big Cat]

You're just running around, not killing anyone, just trying to save other people.

[Hank]

I'm making sure the boys are good.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, like you're a water boy in.

[PFT]

A fake life support. Got to have team support.

[Hank]

Look, if you get. You got to have heels, you got to have. The team needs water, the team needs orange slices. We got to keep the boys healthy, keep the boys good. I do a little bit of damage as well as Invisible Woman.

[Big Cat]

Okay. Okay.

[PFT]

It's a noble cause, 100%. I would also say I didn't know that existed. In D and D, the cleric's role is to pray to their God and get healing magic to give to their friends. So, again, mainly a support role, but as a storm Cleric, you also have lightning and thunder magic that you can use to deal damage as well. The only problem, Zach, is, unfortunately, and I am not riffing here, this is actually the case. I only had level 2 characters. So as long as you're okay with it, you are going to be playing with a bunch of people who are high level than you who are descending down in order to play alongside you. I hope that that's not an issue or anything. We might call these maybe smurfs, possibly people who are going to be a little bit ganging up on you potentially. They have about three times as much power as you do, unfortunately. So you're just gonna need to kind of level yourself up to get to the level that the others are at. Apologies. I'm so sorry I didn't have level six sheet to hook you up with.

[Hank]

Unfortunately you've turned me into everything I hate.

[PFT]

I'm so sorry.

[Hank]

But I'm gonna do it for you. Tim. 100 you.

[PFT]

I. I know you will. 100 so you got 15 hit points to work with. The others are closer to the 40s and 50s right now. Zach alive because he's our healer and without him we don't have any healing magic. So just a heads up everyone. Of course we're all on the same team as we always know. And I don't. Obviously you can betray each other in DND, but I don't think anyone here would do that. So. 100 absolutely. Now this adventure I'm very excited about because it is number one, a Timwoods original. Normally I've been running like canned adventures. Like the classics as it were that I've been like growing up with. I've run out of classics for you guys. So at this point we're in Timwood's original adventures. I just made this one up for the awls and at this point I actually went into my records to check this. I have run this adventure in particular for 45 different groups of awls over the course of the last year. And that is a total of 27074 AWLs out there. They are listening right now and they are judging your every move. I told them that they probably are going to do a better job than we'll do today. So obviously you're the ones who can set the record straight on.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

Do you.

[Big Cat]

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to point the gun at you, but have we. We've never done a Tim woods original.

[PFT]

No. Most of the adventures we've done have just been sort of me improving within a structure of one of the published adventures. This will be an original 100%. This is huge.

[Greg]

This is awesome.

[Big Cat]

I'm excited.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

What's the name of this adventure?

[PFT]

The name of this adventure as I call it is the Dragon of Mount Speartop. And as you can imagine, this is your classic D and D adventure. There is a dragon attacking the local towns and villages. A red fire breathing dragon. And we are going to need to go to Mount Speartop to slay this dragon. Maybe with some guns.

[Zach]

Do you ever call these deity parties?

[PFT]

Hmm.

[Zach]

Is this a DD party?

[PFT]

This would be a D and D adventure.

[Zach]

Okay. No one gets oiled up.

[Big Cat]

No.

[PFT]

I mean, it depends on where we exactly are going for the. For the party. I mean, you can resolve the challenge in whatever way you want. Some people use dice. Some people use other methods perhaps, but 100%. And so our adventure is going to begin in one of the major locations of the D and D world of Faerun. We're going to be starting this adventure at the White House. April Fool's. Just kidding. I'm so sorry. We are not going to be starting the adventure of Lighthouse. We are going to be starting this adventure in a famous D and D location called. Baldur's Gate is a major hub of adventure. It's so popular that some video games have been set in the world of Baldur's Gate, and they are very good. So the big city of Baldur's Gate is generally very well protected from dragons. It has a big army, big walls, big ballistas, just like Game of Thrones for defending against dragons. But we're out in the villages and towns outside of. They have put together a fund for whatever group of adventurers is willing to take on the challenge of slaying this dragon. And that is, in theory, us assembling to take on this quest. All we know is that this dragon has been going back to the tallest of the Cloud Peak mountains, Mount Speartop. Other than that, we don't know exactly where its layer is. So I will throw out there that we can spend as much time as we want in town gathering information or supplies if we think that that's necessary. Or we could just say, eff it, let's go straight to mountain and start trying to find this dragon the hard way. Whatever we'd like to do.

[Greg]

So we can do anything.

[PFT]

We can do whatever we want.

[Greg]

The possibilities are endless.

[PFT]

The possibilities are endless. 100.

[Greg]

Should we do a mini golf tournament?

[PFT]

There are several beautiful rolling hills around the towns and villages. And I will just throw out there in dnd world. I think it's hobbits who created the sport of golf.

[Tim Woods]

Well, I think. I think for. For, you know, if we're gonna have to slay a dragon, they're probably gonna have to train.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Tim Woods]

And we should probably measure, you know, how we train up against each other.

[PFT]

Now to see who goes first. I would ask everyone to do our first D20 roll of the day. If you can grab a D20 and roll it. Whoever rolls the highest on this is gonna get to go first.

[Big Cat]

Is it poor form in the Dungeon and dragons community to make your box like. Like you basically moved into your box like Hank has just moved all this stuff into my box.

[PFT]

I mean, sometimes people share dice, sometimes they don't. Very protective of their dice. Like, don't roll my dice is actually a rule for some people in dnd. If you roll my dice, you're gonna give it your luck. I don't want your luck. I want my luck.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, he's got his coffee in here. He's got his. He just moved all his stuff into my box.

[Zach]

You don't come. You don't come in another man's box.

[PFT]

No.

[Tim Woods]

Box of the year.

[Big Cat]

Box of the year. Okay, look at. What is this? Like, you just. It's just trash.

[Tim Woods]

That's not mine.

[PFT]

Yeah, it is.

[Tim Woods]

Oh, yeah, it is.

[PFT]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Sorry.

[Tim Woods]

It's our box.

[Big Cat]

I understand, but. So you could take half of it, but you took all of it.

[Tim Woods]

Sorry.

[Big Cat]

You're starting to piss me off. I'm starting to think about killing you.

[Zach]

I think you should put a conservatorship on that box.

[Tim Woods]

Sexist.

[Big Cat]

PFT really does.

[Tim Woods]

Classic. Classic bar stool.

[Zach]

You forget about.

[PFT]

Keep looking at him.

[Big Cat]

It's just Facebook.

[Greg]

Oh, my God. Ringo Star.

[PFT]

That's me.

[Big Cat]

All right, so we're all rolling.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Everyone can roll a dc. We'll be adding your dexterity modifier to see when in initiative you're going to go. So some of us have a boost to this.

[Big Cat]

Go ahead.

[PFT]

Most of us don't.

[Tim Woods]

18.

[PFT]

18 with an extra plus two. That's a dirty 20 right for Liverpool Ehrlich.

[Zach]

Then the streets went to the pub.

[Big Cat]

19.

[PFT]

19 for you.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, 19 for me.

[PFT]

You have a plus two. So actually you got a 21 total going just ahead of Erlich. Absolutely. So Norm first, followed by Erlik. And how are the rest of us are doing? Everyone can roll one D20. Sorry. Boom. Three. Three. I'm sorry to say, Greg, you're probably going to be going at the end.

[Zach]

Of initiative, But I have a 17.

[PFT]

17, absolutely. Now you have a plus two on this, I believe. So that'll put you into initiative on a 19 for Wayne. Our bard. Absolutely. And our. Oh, Zach, let me ask an important question. What is the name of your cleric character?

[Hank]

The name of my cleric character is I'll go.

[PFT]

You can cook on this if you need time.

[Big Cat]

No, no, we want it right now. He's got it.

[Zach]

He's got it.

[Greg]

Five seconds.

[Hank]

Five seconds.

[Zach]

Four.

[Hank]

Count me down.

[Big Cat]

Two, two, one.

[Hank]

Trey Wind will be mine.

[PFT]

Ooh, that goes hard.

[Greg]

Into his head.

[PFT]

So I want to point out that.

[Tim Woods]

That'S the name of a boat.

[PFT]

Not only do you follow.

[Hank]

Actually, okay.

[PFT]

That'S kind of a pirate name.

[Zach]

I play the drums.

[Big Cat]

Trained Win or Trade Wind?

[Greg]

Trade Win.

[Hank]

I'll go with Trade Win. Trade Win.

[Zach]

I kind of like Train Win.

[Hank]

Win.

[Big Cat]

Train wind.

[Hank]

We can. We can pivot the train wind if you'd like.

[Zach]

Train wind.

[Hank]

Train wind. We can do that?

[Zach]

Absolutely.

[Hank]

We can do train wind.

[PFT]

I'll also ask you one other question, Zach. Not to put you on the spot, but you follow a God of storms. That could be Zeus, that could be Thor. That could be anybody. Or you can make up your own Storm God.

[Greg]

Make up their own. Three seconds.

[PFT]

Storm.

[Big Cat]

Let's go.

[Zach]

Five, four.

[Hank]

We're doing Storm gods, right?

[PFT]

Storm God.

[Hank]

Okay, we'll just go with a storm God.

[Big Cat]

3, 2, 1.

[PFT]

No, wrong answer. You can pick the mutant storm Pound found. Absolutely. 100%.

[Big Cat]

Of course.

[PFT]

Love it. Pound found the storm God. 100% done. Absolutely.

[Big Cat]

Good job, Zack.

[PFT]

I will say that you have been led to this location, Trade Wind, by visions from pound found, telling you that this dragon has not only upset the balance of the land, causing forest fires, it's also affecting the skies and the storms. Smoke filling the skies is no good for pound found, God of Storms. And in fact, your temple to pound found has been attacked by this dragon very recently. It's. It seems. And so you need to get your vengeance, and the rest of us need to make some moolah, some money slaying dragon. 100%. But, Zach, go ahead and roll me a D20 plus zero to see when Trade Wind, Train Wind is going to go.

[Hank]

So I've rolled a 10. A 10 for you, sir.

[PFT]

10. Okay with a 10. Absolutely. Train wind, you're going to be going right after Wayne's turn. In that case, good stuff. So we're starting with Norm today. We'll point out that in theory, if you're starting in town, other people have really good persuasion skills. The barbarian tends to just want to focus on attacking stuff. There's not a lot of stuff to attack in town, but you can do whatever you want in town. There's places that sell potions, there's the tavern where you can get information and stuff. Whatever you might want to do in town, totally up to you.

[Big Cat]

Okay, we got to arm up. Oh, should we arm up?

[PFT]

In theory, arming up would not be a bad idea.

[Big Cat]

Okay, I'd like to arm up. And then. Can I also. Do I have a secondary action?

[PFT]

You do. 100. Absolutely.

[Big Cat]

So let's arm up.

[PFT]

My.

[Big Cat]

My primary action.

[PFT]

I do want to point out that at the end of our Last adventure, we had defeated a different dragon and claimed from its horde a magic axe. So when I asked at the end of the adventure, we said we were sharing the axe.

[Big Cat]

I want it.

[PFT]

Okay, Absolutely. I mean, it is probably best in the hands of a barbarian.

[Big Cat]

I'm the strongest guy here.

[PFT]

No one's challenging you on that. You have a magic plus two. Great axe.

[Zach]

X.

[Big Cat]

Sure, that'd be great.

[Zach]

Take my ex. It's me ax.

[Big Cat]

Oh, this is a real ax.

[PFT]

Oh, no. Oh, no. Absolutely.

[Greg]

Ringo, where's your accent.

[PFT]

Theory? Pretty well equipped. You could try to find an even better magic ax, or you could just simply arm up on that one, and you still have more stuff you can do on your turn. For sure.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. Let me. Let me. Let me just make this magic ax even better. Can I do you?

[PFT]

Certainly.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[PFT]

100. So if you go to the weapons smith outside of Baldur's gate, you notice there's, like, a dwarf and a half orc who are, like, running this weapon weapon shop. They have an enchantment table for improving your ax. There's also a really nice ax on display. It's kind of like in Comic Con, where the stuff is hung up really high, but you can see it on display. You know that it's chained to the backboard of this weapon stand, as it were, and it looks like a really nice, well, enchanted ax. Or you could ask them to enchant your ax even more than.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, let's enchant my ass.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Go ahead and just roll me a D20 for a persuasion check. You have a plus zero on that 20? Oh, it's a natural 20.

[Big Cat]

Natural 20.

[PFT]

100%. And they ask you a very important question. First of all, they say, what? Well, you've already got the pretty nice axe going on there. The dwarf says, and the half orc agrees. I mean, that's pretty impressive. You want something nicer than that? What for? And they're wondering what quest you are on right now. Do you tell them about the quest?

[Big Cat]

Yeah, I'm gonna kill this dragon.

[PFT]

When they hear that, they say, well, we're in danger. This dragon might attack us at any moment. We would more than love to hook you up with an enchant. In fact, they go up to this axe, and they bring it down off the stand, and you see them do some magic. The rune on the axe disappears, and they turn to your axe, and they start hammering it. The rune from that ax goes onto your axe instead, and they hand it back to you and say, now, you don't have a Magic great axe. You have what is called the Greataxe of the Chill. This weapon, if you speak the magic word, will cover itself with ice and deal ice damage to your enemies, including fire dragons. Okay, so you got a great ax of the chill now. Congratulations. That's a D6 of extra cold damage every time you hit a dragon. Now that would be your action to negotiate this out of them right now. You could ask them one more question or for one more minor thing or do something else.

[Big Cat]

I'll just do one minor thing. I would like to open a limited edition set of Pokemon cards.

[PFT]

100%. They do say every weapon purchase and upgrade comes with one free package pack of Pokemon cards. You open it up inside. Just roll a D20 for me. The higher you roll, the better a Pokemon you get.

[Greg]

I do this 19 with a 19.

[PFT]

Name your Pokemon you get whatever Pokemon Holograph Charizard. Get a holographic. You got a holographic actions and because you. You can't eat it just yet.

[Big Cat]

If you.

[PFT]

Also in this world, these are magic Pokemon cards where if you throw it on the ground like Gambit, it will turn into that Pokemon. Just a heads up. So you've got a holographic Charizard and then a bunch of random commons at that point. Still, holographic Charizard goes hard.

[Big Cat]

Huge pull.

[PFT]

In theory. That's going to be pretty weird for the fire breathing dragon when a Charizard shows up and he has no idea what the he's looking at.

[Big Cat]

I'm going to eat that Charizard.

[PFT]

That's right, Norm. Amazing turd. Well done. That was a huge glow up for Norm Ehrlich. We are up to you right now. And Erlich, I will just say that your patron has been whispering little secrets in your ear and stuff about the mountain. But we'll get into that a little bit later.

[Big Cat]

I just want one last thing. I will say that we are a team and my holograph Charizard, I will happily give it to anyone else for a certain amount of kisses.

[Greg]

Why do I always have to be gay?

[PFT]

Everything.

[Big Cat]

If anyone.

[Greg]

Everything.

[Big Cat]

Kiss it up and you can maybe get it.

[PFT]

You're a widower now. I am adventure. So yeah.

[Greg]

Yeah. My husband's dead.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Yeah. Single. Newly single.

[Tim Woods]

I would like. Let's do a history. Let's. Let's find out. Let's figure out some details in this dragon.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100%. Roll me a history check. I believe you have a plus five on that D20 mistake. Yep. Or plus six actually.

[Tim Woods]

That'd be two.

[PFT]

Two. I'm sorry to say offhand, you don't know any facts about the dragon. But that was a free action. Just see what you could try to do research, but I'll point out that would be kind of talking to people. Or maybe hitting up a library in Baldur's Choice.

[Zach]

You want to go to the library?

[Big Cat]

Know what that is?

[Tim Woods]

Nah, we're not doing that.

[PFT]

You do have a much better charisma than intellect.

[Zach]

Can you just watch like a couple YouTube videos and do his own research?

[Big Cat]

See a TikTok?

[PFT]

Yeah, that would probably be the equivalent of picking up rumors in the tavern, as it were. Just seeing what people are talking about.

[Tim Woods]

Yeah, what else? What else could I do?

[PFT]

You could go to the tavern. You could talk to people, try to hit them up.

[Tim Woods]

Let's grab a couple trulies.

[PFT]

100%. The moment you walk in the tavern, you notice that there is your classic human bartender apron. Brown beard. He's cleaning a glass, nods at you. You enter. You also see a bunch of humans primarily, but two tables of dwarven miners. I must emphasize mine workers. People who work in mines who are allowed to be here. And they are drinking and eating their dinner. There's a table full of hobbits, a whole multi generational hobbit family in the back room who seem like they're celebrating something right now. Who would you like to talk to? I'm sorry to say, you don't see any gnomes around like yourself.

[Tim Woods]

Let's go to the hobbit boys.

[PFT]

Absolutely. You go to this hobbit table in the back. It sounds like they're talking about a recent dragon attack where their barn got burned down. Would you like to sort of chat them up right now?

[Tim Woods]

Yes, please.

[PFT]

Are you mentioning anything about what you're doing here? What are you saying to them as you go to talk to them?

[Tim Woods]

You guys come here often?

[PFT]

Absolutely. Just roll me one to 20 with.

[Tim Woods]

A plus six on them, another two.

[PFT]

I'm sorry to say that with an eight they go. I mean, yeah, we do hang out here a lot, especially after our barn's been burned down by the dragon. But actually we're just. We're just celebrating with the family right now. They notice your robes and like your various magical amulets. They know you're a warlock and that's making them a little bit nervous right now. I don't think they see Lola, cuz Lola, your imp can turn invisible, but at the same time they're nervous that you might have a demon of some kind with you. They you can say whatever you want to them. You might be able to earn advantage on this check. But depends on what you say to them. Exactly. They're almost dismissing you at the moment.

[Tim Woods]

So what happened to the dragon?

[PFT]

The moment you mention the dragon, they start to talk more. Roll one more time. You just earned advantage three. Three. I'm sorry to say. With a nine total. All you hear the mention is that the dragon did indeed burn down their barn. It seems like the dragon took all of their food that was stockpiled in the barn as it was burning down somehow. And the old hobbit is mentioning that he got a good look at this dragon. There is some sort of hobbit grandpa here at the head of the table. And he's talking about how he used his spyglass to watch the dragon as it was going back to the mountain. You have heard of spyglasses before but they are invention in the world of Faerun. They don't use magic at all. They're like crystal balls, but they allow you to see far away things. You think spy glasses are worth like a thousand gold pieces. If you were to get your hands on one of those. Just so you know. Unfortunately you've used your action and you're trying to get into this conversation with these hobbits. It's not going so well. Would you like to try anything else with your bonus action?

[Tim Woods]

No. I think. I think we got to just find a way to get the spy glass.

[PFT]

Absolutely. He patted a bag on the back of his chair when he mention to spyglass. But that's all you know for sure. Erlich. Good stuff. That will bring us to Wayne.

[Big Cat]

Pretty big waste of a turn.

[Zach]

I mean the.

[Tim Woods]

The solid.

[Zach]

The rules were bad.

[Tim Woods]

Seven. Seven.

[PFT]

Not much you can do with those rolls. It's.

[Zach]

Oh, you can roll better.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Oh, sorry. Hank. One thing I did want to give you. Since we're celebrating your birthday today, you have the one and only instance of DM's inspiration. It is worth one free reroll today for your dice. Dice or somebody else's dice. You could use it now or you could save it for when you really need it. 100.

[Big Cat]

That's good.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

Your birthday wish.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

Okay. So it's my turn.

[PFT]

Yes. Yeah.

[Zach]

Okay. So Hank is in the tavern right now?

[PFT]

Yes. Correct.

[Zach]

Where is Big Cat currently?

[PFT]

He's at the weapon stand just outside of Baldur's Gate in the marketplace.

[Big Cat]

Hanging with my holograph Charizard.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

What other stores. What other shops do we have around the town?

[PFT]

There is a potion shop and several templates. Temples. Temples are a great place to get healing potions and blessings. Potion shops are where you could get maybe even more powerful potions. Healing potions, but also, like invisibility potions, fire resistance potions.

[Zach]

I think that sort of. I think the healing shop would be great for Zach for trade wind. But I'm gonna go to the potion shop.

[PFT]

Absolutely. You can go to the potion shop. 100. When you get to the potion shop, it's one of the few structures.

[Tim Woods]

Not a drug guy.

[Zach]

Speak up, Hank.

[Tim Woods]

Not a drug guy.

[Zach]

It's post. I'm a potion guy.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100%. And as soon as you go into this potion shop, a little bell rings. There is a gnomish couple, just like our warlock here. There is a pair of gnomes. It seems like they're a married couple. The wife is an artificer with goggles on. The husband is a wizard with, like, the moon and star or, like, wizard hat. Classic look. And you realize the wife has, like, invented these special shoes for them. They each press a button the moment you enter. And they're like moon shoes. They're suddenly. It's like, re, clank, rent or clank. And they are now dwarven hide as you walk in. And they go, ah, greetings. And they're kind of like walking on little stilts a little bit so they can be your height. And they say, please, how can we be of help to you? Right now? We are very interested in selling you some potions. What are you looking for?

[Zach]

Can I ask them? Do you guys like to party?

[PFT]

Ooh, roll me a persuasion check on them real quick.

[Zach]

Okay. 18.

[PFT]

18. And you have a plus six on your persuasion, I believe, with a 24. Or they look at each other and they give some sort of special signal to each other. Canonically, this is a swinger couple. In every time I've run this adventure, they said, hey, we noticed you across the room. And we elevated our shoes so we could look you dead in the eyes. And we just were kind of like, wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight. We're not doing anything. We were planning on partying, actually. And they indicate that what they are brewing right now is some special potions.

[Zach]

Special potion. I like that.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

Is there a. A weird chair that's in the Corner of the Sh.

[PFT]

100% there is a chair. But they would say, But I mean, you could get involved if you really want to.

[Zach]

Yeah, as long as there's consent, right?

[PFT]

Absolutely. You get consent from them. Do you then ask for consent after you have it.

[Zach]

After I have consent. I definitely ask for consent because there's nothing hotter.

[PFT]

They lose their goddamn minds as you ask for consent. The second time they go, wow. Nothing sexier than that. It's like he's teasing us. Says the wife. And in immediately the ne. I mean, it goes late into the night, but you are afterward. Oh, actually, sorry. Roll me a constitution saving throw just to see how everything went.

[Zach]

Okay, that's a 1212.

[PFT]

But you have help roll one more time. You're getting advantage. Couple with a 15 + whatever your constitution saving throw is. It's hours later that the camera returns to us and the couple is exhausted. They say that was the craziest night we've had in a time. Please let us set you up with some potions for the road. What do you need? They're willing to set you up with healing potions, invisibility potions, or fire resistance potions.

[Zach]

Well, we're going to see a dragon, right? I feel like fire resistance might be a good thing to have.

[Greg]

Are we certain it's fire breathing? It's red.

[Tim Woods]

Yeah, because it burned down The Hobbits.

[PFT]

Yeah. 100. Thanks, guys.

[Zach]

Listening, ears on.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

Would you. I don't know. What do you guys think? Fire.

[Greg]

Fire resistance seems good.

[Zach]

Okay, we'll go. Fire resistance.

[PFT]

They do indicate that's a pretty expensive potion, but they would be willing to give you for the performance you just did tonight, three of them. It's not enough for everybody, unfortunately. They tell you that's like 500 gold pieces per potion though, so you're getting a good deal. These are free potions. Do you hold on to all three of these potions or do you start doling them out to your teammates?

[Zach]

You know what? I'm gonna give one. I'll give one to Norm.

[PFT]

Okay.

[Zach]

Norm's got the magic axe.

[Big Cat]

He's gonna be important.

[Zach]

I'm going to give one to Greg.

[Greg]

Two GS. Huge one left, big decision.

[Zach]

And then one left.

[Big Cat]

Zach, no. Trade winds.

[Zach]

Trade wind, train wind.

[PFT]

The lowest hit points of all of us, so you might need it the most.

[Zach]

Yeah, I think I'm going give it a trade wind.

[Hank]

I want.

[Zach]

I want trade wind stick.

[PFT]

So you're not keeping one for yourself, is that right? I'm a benevolent man, 100%. It does seem like the Novish couple is hoping you will return again. But they are going to be keeping the store shut for today because they're too exhausted. You did a fantastic turn. You still have your bonus action. I would say, in case you want to inspire one of your teammates.

[Zach]

So for bonus action, I think I would like to inspire Trade Wind.

[PFT]

Nice. Absolutely inspired. Okay. What do you say to or. Or play. You can either play music or say something inspiring to him to give him inspiration.

[Zach]

I think I. I just tell him, like, hey, train Wind, you did a great job. You did a job buying costumes today and you should feel good about doing a job. You had a job today and you job accomplished.

[Hank]

I feel very inspired. Okay, that was great speech.

[Zach]

All right, welcome.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100%. Getting all the armor for the team. 100%. And Wayne, great turn that is going to bring us to train Wind now, followed by Greg Train Wind. What would you like to do? I want to highlight that as a storm cleric, you have good intimidation. So you can go around and try to kind of be stern and serious with people trying to get information out of or you can just be kind of friendly with them and try to use your persuasion, but you're not quite as good at that because of your history as a sailor. You're used to, like, yelling orders at people and stuff like that. That's if you want to talk to people. You can do whatever you want in town, including go to your local temple to pound found the Scott of storms.

[Hank]

I'd like to check out the temple to see what pound found's got going on.

[PFT]

Absolutely, 100%. You go to the local temple of pound found and sure enough, do you think pound found is a good, evil or neutral?

[Hank]

Seems as if he could be neutral.

[PFT]

Storm gods would tend to be neutral. It's true. So when you go there, first of all, they are very upset. The whole statue to pound found that was built there with, like, gemstones in its eyes got knocked over. Someone ripped the gemstones out of the eyes and took them with them. All the priests of pound found are going around trying to rebuild and they're doing an okay job, but they really want you to get vengeance upon this dragon. Are you trying to get information out of them or supplies or anything like that? What are you saying?

[Hank]

I would like to know, you know, where. So where we could find this dragon, you know, a little bit more. More information on where he can be so we can get those. Those stones back.

[PFT]

We got to get this statue back 100%. Please roll me a D20. And this would be a persuasion bonus for you. I think you have a plus two on this. If you're being nice to them, if you're being very serious with them, then it would be a plus four, actually. Are you Being intimidating, that's high risk, high reward. But you could also just be friendly with them. And. And that would be a plus two on the persuasion check.

[Hank]

I'll go with friendly this time. I did do a six.

[PFT]

Absolutely 100%. Because it's your temple. You get to roll two times and take the higher numbers to roll one more time.

[Hank]

We got a strong four on that one.

[PFT]

Okay. So we'll take at the very least with the. You're being nice to them. So a plus two. That's an eight. Unfortunately, with an eight, all they're able to tell you right now is that the dragon definitely went back to Mount Speartop. They thought they saw it land somewhere about halfway up the mountain, but they don't know more information than that, unfortunately. Now, you could try one more time with one roll as your bonus action or you could do something else with your bonus action.

[Hank]

Do I, I can bank the bonus action.

[PFT]

The bonus action is not something you could bank. You could do something else with it or you could try to talk to them more.

[Hank]

Okay, I would like to. I would like, you know, talk to him a little bit, like, see if we can further this conversation. I know they're saying mid mountain, but was there a guy that maybe saw something the others didn't see?

[PFT]

Absolutely. Roll one more time. And now at this point, are you being stern with them or just sticking with the Plus 2? Still being nice to them.

[Hank]

As of right now, we're cordial. We're just trying to get along.

[PFT]

Staying cordial.

[Hank]

11.

[PFT]

11 plus 2. With a 13. You're getting some good information. You notice that they said the dragon definitely landed halfway up the mountain, specifically landed at a cave entrance. And there were one, two, three different cave entrances. Almost like this dragon picked an area where there are three different caves and two of them, almost like decoy caves. This priest lets you know for certain the dragon went into the middle of the three possible caves.

[Big Cat]

Trade wind.

[PFT]

Now I will ask train wind. Do you share this information with your teammates?

[Hank]

I would love to share it with the team.

[PFT]

Absolutely, 100%. So a valuable clue. You know, if we had followed the trail of the dragon, we would have gotten to these cave entrances and not known which one the dragon went into. Apparently the dragon landed on this climbing wall, a 20, 20 foot climbing wall, about halfway up the mountain and climbed into the cave entrance. They also say he climbed in in a weird way, but they didn't see more than that. So there's still a little bit of a mystery there Right now with only a 13 so train wind. Very successful turn there. The priests beg you to slay this dragon, but wish you very well. And that will bring us to Greg's turn next.

[Greg]

Is there a baker in town?

[PFT]

There is a bakery.

[Greg]

I'd like to go to the bakery, please.

[PFT]

100. You go to the bakery. Absolutely. The bakery is going to be run by a. No one's gone to a bakery in this adventure. It's a hobbit. A hobbit runs this bakery. 100%.

[Greg]

I would like to ask for 12 donuts.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100%. Roll a D20 just to see how good these donuts are. Seven. Seven. But with your persuasion bonus, I think you have a plus four under skills for plus six. Plus six with a 13 total. They're not magical don't donuts, but they're pretty high quality. Very honest. These are fresh donuts. They just made them this morning.

[Zach]

Does Greg have any gluten sensitivities?

[PFT]

Roll to see if you have a gluten sensitivity or not. As long as you get a 7 or higher. 7 or higher. You don't have gluten sensitivity. 19. In the world of D and D, maybe you had it when you were born, but there are clerics who can be like, cure gluten and top. And you've been healed at a very young age in this magical setup. Absolutely.

[Zach]

Thanks, max.

[Big Cat]

Good job, Max.

[PFT]

100%. So you have beaten gluten intolerance. Congratulations. 100%. And now you can chow down on these donuts if you wish.

[Greg]

Can I. Can I ask if, like, there's any of these people in the bakery? Do art?

[PFT]

Ooh, yes. I'm gonna roll to see if there's already any visible. You ask around. No artists in this bakery right now, but they do indicate there are artists in town. What are you looking for?

[Greg]

I want a picture of Joe Buck with a big forehead.

[PFT]

Absolutely. There are some caricature artists that they are able to hook you up with with that role. And they send towards this elven woman who starts, like drawing exactly what you are looking for. How big do you want this? A little small pocket size or like a big, like, mural on someone's wall?

[Tim Woods]

75 inches.

[Greg]

Like big TV size.

[PFT]

You comm. Commission this painting. Absolutely. And then let me just see how this goes. Fantastic. She tells you you must be careful because one of the things that dragons love to steal is anything of value. And she says that this painting would be worth hundreds of gold pieces to the right buyer. But that means that if the dragon spots it, the dragon might Want to grab this painting and add it to its horde. So as you're trying to move this TV sized painting, you're kind of like, I got to move quickly. You're looking to the skies. You're trying to get it from from place to place without this dragon trying to soup in and grab.

[Greg]

Probably give it to one of the strongest people on the team.

[PFT]

Who are you giving the painting?

[Greg]

Oh no, he's over encumbered. He has a lot on him.

[PFT]

I mean it's a big thing. You could strap it to your back for sure. But so you've got this huge painting right here. 12 donuts and 12 donuts. Sounds like you're holding on to all those for right now.

[Greg]

It's past noon.

[PFT]

Okay, 100% you're able to get all those when was there anything else you were trying to to get?

[Greg]

How many? Do I have much action left?

[PFT]

I would say the donuts were a bonus action. To be fair, commissioning the painting was most of your action. If there was anything else you wanted to commission from that artist, you could, but otherwise your turn would be done.

[Greg]

I'm okay. I'm done.

[PFT]

100%. Absolutely.

[Big Cat]

Quick break from Dungeon and Dragons. Talk about game time. There's nothing like getting to a baseball game, especially last minute. Lucky for me, I always use Game Time, the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. Game Time makes getting tickets faster and easier. Price on the app actually go down the closer it gets to showtime. They even get exclusive zone deals. You let them choose your seats with a given set of zones and you get huge savings in return. You can put those savings back in your pocket and spend them at the ballpark on a hot dog, a new hat, or some good old fashioned cracker Jack. If you're in Chicago, you can get 10% off zone deals for the Cubs at home on Sunday, July 6 versus the Cardinals. Just look for zones 29 through 32 on the game Time app. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account and use code PMT for 20 off. Your first purchase terms apply. Again. Create an account redeem code PMT for $20 off. Download the game Time app today. What time is it? Game Time. We're also brought to you by our friends at Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Grab a Blast, a refreshing tropical lime flavor with Mountain Dew. Baja Blast Blast now comes in zero shot sugar. Same great taste. A Baja Blast with zero sugar. Listen, Baja Blast is the absolute best. When I'm cracking open a Baja Blast, I'm thinking about being on the water somewhere. Thinking about being on a boat. I'm thinking about being with my buddies on a river or a lake or golfing. Baseball season. It's all happening with Baja Blast. It is so delicious. I'm gonna crack it open right now. Oh, hear that? That's delicious. That's Baja Blast. Probably the best soda ever created. Right, Hank? Easily, easily, easily. So grab a blast of refreshing tropical lime flavor with Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Blast. Now, Comes in zero sugar as well. Same great taste of Baja Blast with zero sugar. It's summer season. It's Baja Blast. You know what? I'm taking another whack of this.

[Zach]

That just sounds delicious.

[Big Cat]

Oh, so good. Go try Mountain Dew Baja Blast right now. Now. You will not be disappointed. Tell them Big Cat sent you. Tell them Hank sent you.

[Tim Woods]

Please.

[Big Cat]

Baja Blast. Mountain Dew. Go get it. And now back to our good friend Tim Woods.

[PFT]

That'll bring us back around again to Norm, then. In that case, Norm. So far we got some information about this dragon.

[Big Cat]

I think. Boys, we got. We got to get going.

[Greg]

We have our stuff.

[Big Cat]

Mount up.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Big Cat]

This is going to be a long trek up this mountain.

[PFT]

It certainly is. Yes.

[Big Cat]

Should I. Should I carry anyone's stuff? Just because I don't want anyone to get tired. So does anyone have any things they want me to carry? You don't have anything, Right. You have anything? Train? Wind?

[PFT]

No.

[Hank]

None you need.

[Big Cat]

Do you have anything, Ringo Star?

[Zach]

I gave away my potions.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

Okay.

[Big Cat]

Do you have anything you want me to carry?

[Greg]

I have a big painting of Joe Buck.

[Big Cat]

Okay, I'll carry that huge painting. Let me get that for him. Let me get that for him.

[PFT]

All right. Do you hold on to it or hand it off?

[Greg]

I'll just remind you, I'm asking for collateral.

[PFT]

You have a giant monster moth who is the size of a horse. By the way, don't forget, I believe its name was Lil Shredder. Is that right?

[Greg]

That does seem right.

[PFT]

100%. And yeah. So little Shredder could carry the painting.

[Greg]

No. We're a team. We all trust each other. I'll give the painting up.

[Big Cat]

Okay. And I won't kill you with my axe.

[Greg]

It's really nice of you.

[PFT]

Thank you.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. That's good collateral.

[PFT]

100%.

[Greg]

I'll hold on to that.

[PFT]

You strap this painting to your back. Is that right?

[Big Cat]

Yeah. And I. I put in my pocket next to my charizard.

[PFT]

Okay. It's pretty big to fit in a pocket, so I'll say you can.

[Big Cat]

I'm a big Guy.

[PFT]

Okay. I mean, fair enough. 100. I'd say you kind of, like, have it strapped to the side of your pocket maybe. As long as they don't critical hit Norm at any point, the painting will be safe.

[Big Cat]

All right, so let's get going.

[PFT]

Absolutely. So, Norm, to get to the mountain, I would like you to please roll a survival check. Could I ask on your sheet, does it say what your survival skill bonus is? I think it would. A plus three. Unless I'm. Let me see. Is that it right there? I think it might be right in front of Hank on the ground. Unless I'm mistaken.

[Big Cat]

Made a mess of our box.

[PFT]

Oh, no, that's norm 100%. Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Survival four now.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Roll me a D20 plus four to see how far you make it.

[Big Cat]

19.

[PFT]

Four now.

[Greg]

Is 19 your lowest role?

[PFT]

Yes. He's eating all. I love it. Absolutely you are. With a 19 plus 4, not only making it safely to the mountain, you're noticing two things that you would have not noticed with the lower roll. First of all, you can clearly see little lizard footprints. Way too tiny to be a dragon's. And they're going toward the center of three caves. Straight ahead of you, you see this cliff that's about 20ft tall. In this clearing, there are handholds leading up to 1, 2, 3 different caves. We were already told mid cave. And you notice the footprints are, in fact, going to the middle cave. You also notice that in a bush just at the foot of that middle cave's climbing wall, you are hearing two little creatures arguing with each other. I'm sorry to say, whatever language they're speaking, you don't speak that language, Norm. Unfortunately. But they sound like. Like they're yelling at each other in a little whisper fight.

[Big Cat]

Let me ask you a question. Do they speak axe?

[PFT]

They probably. Everything speaks. Okay, one. Yeah, absolutely. You could easily charge out right now and attack this guy and still rage.

[Greg]

Is there anybody we know that is familiar with pointing out lizard people?

[Zach]

Oh, like identifying different types of lizards?

[Greg]

Yeah, something like that.

[Zach]

You used to have a guy.

[Big Cat]

We did used to have a guy, Brittany. Okay, so what do you guys think? Should I take. Should I take these lizards? Should I grab them? Should I.

[Hank]

We need them.

[Big Cat]

They're gonna lead us, right?

[Greg]

I think if we're taking my moth, can we have these lizard people on the. The flight?

[Zach]

Do moths eat lizards?

[Greg]

I don't know.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[PFT]

Giant moth mite.

[Zach]

Yeah, it might be useful.

[PFT]

Size of a whole. These guys don't sound big.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, they're. They're. We need to. We need to scoop them up and just kidnap them. Yeah, yeah, why not? We'll lizard kidnap them.

[Greg]

Use your axe.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. You know what? Tell them they're coming with us, and they got to start talking ax.

[PFT]

Absolutely. So it sounds like you're charging out of your hiding spot right now. You're going right up to the bush, and you're getting ready to wail on them with your ax. Is that right?

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

And I'm like, I'm threatening them 100%. So what I will ask is, it's your action to attack them. It's your bonus action to rage. If you want to rage. And you can sacrifice either one of them to instead do an intimidation check to scare them. What would you like to do on your turn? You can do two of those.

[Big Cat]

Intimidate them. I want to be like, I'm going.

[PFT]

To kill you guys absolutely.

[Big Cat]

Otherwise, you got to start talking our language.

[PFT]

And you're coming with us 100%. Would you like to save the other part of your turn to rage or.

[Big Cat]

Attack the other part of my turn? I'd like to save to eat all the donuts.

[PFT]

Okay. 100%. So you're not raging or attacking. You're going to run out and then hopefully get to eat donuts. Assuming this goes well with these creatures, as you come charging out, you hear them start to go, ah, no, no, no, no. They are obviously aware a huge barbarian is rushing towards them right now. You almost, like, kick the bush to the side. It goes flying through the air after being uprooted by you. And you're standing over two types of creatures that you actually recognize. You have fought them before. These are puny little kobolds, little lizard people. You have met different kobolds before, and in fact, one of these kobolds is familiar to you. A long time ago, years ago, we met a kobold named Meepo. And sure enough, you are seeing the kobold Meepo, this little lizard creature. You almost ran over another random kobold, and they are looking up at you in utter fear. You know that right now you don't have advantage yet unless you rage as a bonus action. But if you rage as a bonus action, you do not, unfortunately, get to eat any donuts on your turn.

[Big Cat]

Okay. All right. So what am I doing now? I'm. I'm rolling.

[PFT]

You could roll an intimidation check. Roll me one D20. 20 plus whatever your intimidation skill is.

[Big Cat]

Oh, that's only a six.

[PFT]

Oh, I'm sorry to say. And what's your bonus on intimidation? On Your sheet. Is it a plus four? Because if it's a plus one, plus one, I'm sorry to say, with the seven, I'm not even rolling. They look up at you and they are scared. They're so scared, they want to run away. Okay, so now we're gonna up the stage.

[Big Cat]

We're gonna get rid of the donuts. We're not gonna eat the donuts. We're gonna use the other thing to be like, no, get over here.

[PFT]

Okay, so you want to use that boat action to intimidate them again, Attack them or do something else.

[Big Cat]

Intimidate them again.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Roll intimidation. One more time.

[Big Cat]

That's a nine.

[PFT]

Nine plus one is a ten. I will roll. And if either of them gets a one, then they will surrender to you. First one does not. He grabs Meepo's hand and starts running for the climbing handholds to get up to the middle cage cave. The other one gets a little more scared. Meepo the kobold is scared, but he's also like, I think I know this guy in common. And he is running with the other kobold to get closer to the mountain. I'm sorry to say, Norm, that's your action move. And bonus. So you can't attack them even if you wanted to.

[Big Cat]

My bad guys.

[PFT]

We would be up to Erlich's turn now. And the kobolds I already rolled for them will be going after Wayne's turn. So Erlich and then Wayne. And then if the cobalts are still alive and running, at the very least, they're gonna sh. As loud as they can. And it's clear that they're trying to get back to someone or something inside that cave.

[Tim Woods]

All right. I'd like to do. Can I use my charm?

[PFT]

You can 100%.

[Tim Woods]

Let's charm and we'll do a. A. Haha. JK.

[Big Cat]

Yep.

[Tim Woods]

They're not. He's not actually trying to c. Cap.

[Zach]

There's a guy back there videotaping it.

[PFT]

Yeah.

[Greg]

You actually have wine.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. There's an elk boy.

[PFT]

Absolutely. I believe you have the deception skill. Is that right? Right. I think on your sheet.

[Big Cat]

I do not Making a mess.

[PFT]

You do not. Sorry, I thought you. Is that. Is it on your. Do you have persuasion on.

[Tim Woods]

I do have persuasion.

[PFT]

Persuasion. What's your persuasion bonus?

[Big Cat]

So messy. I hate being roommates with Hank.

[Tim Woods]

Plus three.

[PFT]

Plus three. Okay. Roll me a D20. Plus three.

[Big Cat]

10.

[Tim Woods]

10.

[PFT]

10. Let's see. With a 13, I will see if they believe you. As long as I don't roll super high on this Meepo, the cold blue bold. Does the other Cobalt also kind of does 100%. They hesitate and they look at you Erlich. And they go wait, wait. Is prank. Is prank. And what do you tell them?

[Tim Woods]

Haha. Jk. That's my. My friend over there. That's just kind of.

[Big Cat]

That's.

[Tim Woods]

That's how he flirts. But he actually really likes you. He's into you.

[PFT]

They freeze and they look at you. They look up at Norm and they go, you know.

[Big Cat]

Hurt Cole.

[Tim Woods]

No, Absolutely not. We love kobolds.

[PFT]

We be friends. And Meepo seems very optimistic. The other Kobold does not seem super optimistic. But is cautiously stopping running or shouting or anything like that. You've used your bonus action. You still have your action. If there's anything you'd like to do if you were to attack them now, it'd be like haha, surprise. And you'd have advantage on this. Or you could try to get information out of them with your action.

[Greg]

Are they dangerous? Do they Spitfire.

[PFT]

We Romeo and. Actually no. You fought Cobalts before. You don't need to roll anything. Kobolds are extreme weak and puny. They're scary in groups but they don't have any powers except like stabbing people with little daggers and stuff.

[Tim Woods]

All right. Let's take. Let's take them out.

[PFT]

Absolutely. You certainly can. Right now. If you were to hit one of them with a spell, you'd have advantage on that. Would you like to use your Eldrich blast? That's a cantrip that never runs out. And you definitely take out one of them probably with that attack. Or you could burn up one of your spell slots and do a burning hand spell. And cook both of them. Absolutely. So you're burning up one of your valuable spell slots. You really only have have three of those. Just so you know. Are you. Are you okay with doing that?

[Tim Woods]

Yeah.

[PFT]

Okay. So you're using up one of your spell slots. Go ahead and please roll for me. Five D6s worth of damage. You're going to roll the cube shaped die. The D6 3. Sorry. Five times. Add them up and that's going to be your total damage.

[Tim Woods]

3 times.

[PFT]

3 times straight. 5 times. 5 times.

[Tim Woods]

2.

[PFT]

Okay. 6 so far. 4. 10.

[Tim Woods]

6.

[PFT]

Oh. 16. 6. 6. 22 damage. The one kobold does not duck out of the way and it instantly incinerated by 22 damage. The other kobold dives behind a rock. The fire flows around but he only takes half damage. 11 damage. Which is still enough to kill him. Congratulations. You cook both meepo and the other kobold. They are both slain. Congratulations, Erlich. That was very successful. But you are down to two of your spell slots left for this challenge.

[Big Cat]

Those guys are gonna waste the challenge.

[Zach]

They were loud and complicit.

[PFT]

Yes, they were. Percent set your action move and bonus, Erlich. And that is gonna bring us to Wayne's turn. Now, Wayne, what would you like to do? The Kobolds are no longer a threat.

[Zach]

They're dead. Who's got the donut?

[PFT]

I believe the donuts are in the hands of our paladin Greg.

[Zach]

He hasn't eaten a single one.

[PFT]

I don't. That's not true. I think you've managed to eat at least roll me. Actually. Did you try to eat the maximum number of donuts you could?

[Greg]

No. No. Because I want to give them to the group.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100%. Did you eat one? Absolutely. He still got 11 donuts left.

[Zach]

11 donuts.

[Big Cat]

Abs, if you're hungry too just. We do have the Charizard card.

[Zach]

We do have that. Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. He just got him.

[Tim Woods]

He just got him for the picture.

[Zach]

Can I do.

[Tim Woods]

He doesn't actually eat them.

[Zach]

Can I do Bestow curse on Greg and give him gluten sensitivity.

[PFT]

You absolutely could. Gluten sensitivity is now officially one of the. You can put. And it will suddenly become a huge problem if he gets gluten immunity. Right now he's already in too deep. So I would like you to please make a wisdom saving throw to avoid gluten immunity intolerance. 2020. Decent.

[Greg]

2018.

[PFT]

18. You easily shake off this curse because you have an amazing bonus to your constitution and wisdom saving throws. Actually. So you attempt to give him gluten intolerance, but he is too strong technically. Also, paladins are immune to a lot of diseases. I probably would have not rolled a curse counted as that. But nonetheless it makes sense. You'll be able to shuck that off quite easily. Well done.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[PFT]

So valiant attempt.

[Zach]

So we see the footprints that are going up to the middle opening, right? And that's where we think this dragon.

[PFT]

That's where we were told the dragon was going. That dragon spits fire and it breathes fire and it. It spits fire. 100%. And it also did a weird climb and to get into the entrance. For some reason. That's all we really learned about that.

[Zach]

Okay. I think I want to just go up into that entrance.

[PFT]

100%.

[Zach]

I want to check it out.

[PFT]

That's going to be an athletics check. Now you don't have athletics. I Don't is one of your skills. So you'll just be rolling a D20 plus zero. All you need to get is an eight or higher. That's it. To climb up successfully.

[Zach]

That is an eight.

[PFT]

Eight. Absolutely. An eight on the dot is just enough. It's a little touch and go for a moment there. One of the handhold starts to crumble a little bit. Because you're bigger than a kobold apparently. And mostly it's kobolds using this. But it's also a dragon who definitely was on here at some point. So you managed to keep your grip just barely climb up the rest of the way. And now you are noticing that there is a tunnel winding ahead. It seems to bend a little bit to the left and then correct itself. But around that corner you can see a fire coming around the corner like someone's cooking. You can smell meat being cooked and a lot of cobalts chattering in the next room. You've still got your action and bonus action. What would you. Oh, sorry. Your action was used on doing bestow curse. So you got your bonus action. You can inspire somebody or do some other minor thing like a perception check or something like that.

[Zach]

Can I do a perception check on this room of cobalt to see. See what they can tell us.

[PFT]

100. If you do a perception check, that'll tell you like how many kobolds there are, what else is in the room, that sort of thing. 100.

[Zach]

What is that?

[Greg]

3.

[Big Cat]

That's a 3.

[PFT]

I am sorry to say, whatever your perception bonus is, it just sounds like at least maybe a dozen kobolds in that room. But you can't pinpoint exactly how many there are. And you can whisper this down Everybody who's about 20ft below you right now that you are aware of some kobolds up ahead. But that is it right now. So, Wayne, well done. That is going to bring us to the kobold turn. Since you climbed up, there's no kobold shouting or anything like that. But the kobolds who are in that next room might become aware of somebody ahead. Luckily you hear one of them say something and draconic. Their native language, the language of dragons. And one of them said, hey, I thought I heard something. No one listened to that guy. He doesn't. Go check it out at the main entrance. You're completely safe right now. Well done. And that'll bring us to train winds turd. Now the kobolds have. We have not lost the element of surprise yet. What we like to do. And in theory, you're Here at the action with all the rest of us right now. Train.

[Hank]

We'd love to stay sneaky if we haven't been quite yet pointed out. Is that possible?

[PFT]

Yes. But I will warn you, as somebody who wears heavy armor, you are one of our our least sneaky characters. Unfortunately, at the same time, if you don't climb up now, you might be falling behind other people who do climb up. And we've got to climb up 100% now. You have, I think pretty good athletics. Also, if you look at the center column of your sheet under Skills, I think you have a plus five athletics. Is that right? Under skills.

[Hank]

That is correct.

[PFT]

Yes, absolutely. Romeo D20 plus 5. All you need is a total of an 8 or higher.

[Hank]

So we got 11 there.

[PFT]

16. So we'll take that 5. 16. That is enough that you are climbing. And you are climbing pretty quietly as well. I would say you are avoiding making more noise than you absolutely need to. As you climb up, you can see the tunnel going ahead. You can hear a lot of Kobolds and get at least a little confirmation that there's something like a dozen of them. What would you like to do with your bonus? Action. And action.

[Hank]

I'd like to confirm how many cobalts there were. If possible.

[PFT]

Roll me one perception check.

[Hank]

Seven.

[PFT]

Seven. Oh, what's your. Do you have the perception skill by any chance? Under skills I got plus 5 perception. 5 with you not only can pinpoint, there are actually exactly 10 kobolds. And one of them sounds like he's in charge of the other Kobolds. In fact, he sounds so big and beefy, you know exactly what this is. This is no ordinary Kobold. This is what we would canonically call a Swobold. He's more powerful than all the other Kobolds. He is strong and beefy. I'm not even making that up. A third party group made something called a Swobo and gave stats to it and artwork and everything. This is a big beefy dude, Joey, for a Kobold. At the same time, he's only about this tall. Really? Because that's tall for a Kobold. So he's like a big chonker, basically. But this Kobold, you know, is in charge of all the other nine kobolds in that room. They're also talking about somebody. They refer to him as Boss Man. But they're talking about somebody else called the Master and somebody else called Little Man. They talk about the Master with awe. They talk to Boss man like he's in charge. But when they refer to the little man, it's like with annoyance and they're keeping their voice low. Like they're afraid little man will hear them and get angry at them. But they don't like little man. You think so that is what you are aware of up ahead. You still got your action. If there's anything else you want to do. Can we bank the action you actually. Yes, you could. You can ready an action and say I'm going to do an attack or a spell, but not yet. I'm going to ready it. And then if you don't do it, you lose it. That's all.

[Hank]

I'd like to ready it.

[PFT]

Absolutely. What do you want to ready? There's two things I can think of that you could ready. You could ready to run in and bonk somebody with your hammer. Cuz you have a big hammer. As a storm cleric, you also have spells like thunder wave. Thunder wave would hit a whole room full of kobolds potentially or at least a good chunk of the room. It would hit multiple kobolds, potentially at least half of the kobolds in that room up ahead. So you could ready thunder wave. That would be extremely loud. Or a single hammer strike against one cobalt. Or you could ready something else completely.

[Hank]

I'd like to ready the thunder.

[Zach]

I have a question, Tim.

[PFT]

Yes.

[Zach]

What benefit is there to to getting an action ready as opposed to just doing the action?

[PFT]

100% in theory, in this situation, readying an action is a great move to do because we haven't lost the element of surprise yet. So if he readies his action, every one of us could just keep readying actions until it's time to execute on a plan. Everyone's like waiting around the corner, guns ready and then we all fire simultaneously.

[Zach]

And then we take out fat man and little boy.

[PFT]

Absolutely 100%. Yes, absolutely. And I didn't even think of recommending that. So Zach has a gamer. Of course. You stumbled into this amazing strategy.

[Zach]

Good call. I knew he's banking for a reason.

[Hank]

I'm looking forward to writing up with you guys.

[PFT]

Train win. I'm going to mark you down as readying. Was it a hammer strike or was it a thunder wave?

[Hank]

I would like to ready the thunder wave if possible.

[PFT]

A great move to raid 100%. So with a thunder wave, that's some mass DPS like crowd control. DPS well done and trade wind. That's your ready to action then. Greg, what would you like to do?

[Greg]

I mean do we want to wipe these guy? We are we should we all ready or do you want to?

[Tim Woods]

I feel like we should capture Little Man.

[Greg]

Capture Little Man.

[Tim Woods]

He seems like a snitch.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. Because you could try to capture. And if goes bad, we it ready?

[Greg]

We got. We got it ready?

[Big Cat]

Thunder wave.

[Greg]

And if we capture behind a door.

[PFT]

Right now, they are not behind a door. We think that this tunnel goes straight ahead. It turns to the left, and then a little to the right. That's why we can't see straight into the room. But there's no door.

[Greg]

How are their senses of, like, smell not okay.

[PFT]

But they've got a big, like, cook fire going, so they're smelling dinner right now. The big concern is, will they hear our armor clanking? You two are the loudest characters, but so far, so good.

[Greg]

Okay.

[Zach]

I think if we capture Little man, they'll actually like us because they hate. They live in fear of Little Man.

[PFT]

To live in fear of little Man. Yeah.

[Zach]

I don't know.

[Greg]

Does anybody have poisons with them? You want to poison a donut and roll it down the hall?

[PFT]

Ooh. Somebody could concoct a poison. I would say.

[Big Cat]

I'll say. I'm looking right now at my Charizard card. I think if you eat it, you'd probably get pretty sick.

[PFT]

Probably full of, like, ink and other stuff, like, right? Yeah, 100%. A lot of magical components. Go strategically.

[Greg]

I don't really see that making sense.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[Greg]

No, no. Do you want to stuff the Charizard in a donut?

[Big Cat]

Probably makes sense.

[Tim Woods]

We need the Charizard to fight the dragon.

[Greg]

We have a dragon fire.

[Tim Woods]

Yeah.

[Hank]

Coin.

[PFT]

Yeah. We might have benefited from a water Pokemon there Possibly some poison donuts.

[Greg]

We're going to poison a donut and.

[PFT]

Roll it down the hall. Absolutely. What I would like you to do is please roll to see if you can concoct a poison. We'll just call this a D20. And.

[Greg]

That'S a three.

[PFT]

A three. Whatever skill I was gonna use does not matter in Portuguese. And if you would like to swap out for a different D20 at any point, anyone, feel free to swap around. But 100. I'm sorry to say, you try to concoct a poison, and you're like, nah, this is just. This is just gluten. You accidentally just made gluten instead of, you know, poison. That would work on the Cobalt.

[Greg]

I'm rolling a regular donut.

[PFT]

A regular? Yeah. I mean, with that roll, I would kind of say. Say you're like, don't worry. I've got it poisoned. You roll it in. You hear them eat it. One of Them gets a little bit of a stomach ache. And they seem otherwise completely fine. You know what? I'll roll. See if they get a 1. They did not have gluten intolerance. I'm sorry to say. They're doing just fine. They're just eating. I mean, you only put out one donut. So they're not even really getting that bad at tummy ache. They're fighting over the donut. It sounds like that's about it. The Swobo, the boss man does end up eating the doughnut.

[Greg]

He gets the don.

[PFT]

Interesting. Yeah. It's clear that he gets all the good stuff. He says, I will maybe give the sprinkles to the master, but I need this donut.

[Greg]

And how close would you say we are to these guys?

[PFT]

Pretty close. There are. If you climb up to the end. Sorry, I should have asked you to do this already. Roll me one athletic check just to make sure you get up there to the tunnel. In which case you're 30ft away from the cold.

[Greg]

18.

[PFT]

18. You climb. Oh. Not only do you climb up easily. You can carry one other person up with you. So far we got two people who have climbed up successfully. And you are the third person. Two people have not clim up yet. You could bring up Norm or Erlich.

[Greg]

So if I bring up. If I split them up, that means one person of the group's left behind.

[PFT]

Correct.

[Greg]

Oh my God. I'm going to take Big Cat. What's your name?

[Big Cat]

Norm.

[Greg]

Norm.

[PFT]

Norm. Absolutely. You got Charizard on your back and like the Charizard is in his pocket. But the painting is sort of sandwiched between the two of you. As you are being carried up to this level. Both of you land on this level. At which point I would just like you to roll a D21. Me real quick.

[Greg]

14.

[PFT]

Okay. With a 14. You're all doing fine. Right now it seems like no one has alerted anybody. The Kobolds all seem like they're just talking to each other at the moment. So as you climbed up, you rolled the donut forward with a bonus action. You still got an action. Right now you could ready an attack or you could do something else.

[Zach]

Sure.

[Greg]

Can I? There is the. Can I cast a Zone of Truth to the nearest Kobolds?

[PFT]

You certainly could throw a Zone of truth into that. That room. Yes. They wouldn't know that you've cast it. And then they would all start speaking the truth. As long as I like to do that.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[PFT]

100. So you drop a zone of truth in there. I'M gonna roll a saving throw for all the kobolds combined and then a separate one for the boss man. Okay. Oh, the kobolds are not. Well, actually, with a minus 2. What does it say what your spell save DC is? Actually, I can calculate it. 15 would probably be the number. In which case, with a 4, 14. They just barely failed. And then the boss man also fails with a total of a three. So all of them start speaking the truth. Let me roll. Just to see how. Yeah, they start. One of them says, well, this kobold slept with this guy's wife. And they start shouting and roaring at each other. Drama is happening, and it's spinning out. Somebody else starts to admit that he saw somebody else grab a piece of the donut and shove it in his mouth. Boss man starts getting mad, and he starts being like, well, I don't even nuts. I just wanted to eat them so no one else could have them. Oops. And he blurted that out. All the kobolds are getting mad at each other now. You can tell.

[Zach]

Sounds like a beach house.

[Greg]

It does sound a lot like a Beach House.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100. It's just total drama right now happening there.

[Greg]

Nikki smokes one. Take the fire resistance.

[PFT]

You do figure out one of the cobalt. The. The swobo has been hooking up with all the other cobalt in, like, the workplace. And it's, like, becoming a problem at this point. The dragon had apparently told them to stop sleeping with them and, like, it's unclear whether he has or not. So they're doing their best right now to keep things together. It's falling apart now. It seems like. Greg, your zone of truth. I have never seen a zone of truth used so aggressively so well or offensively so successfully. Well done. Thank you, Norm. That is going to bring us back around to you. And on the bold turns. They are not paying attention right now.

[Big Cat]

Okay, before we do, my turn. Truly unruly. Truly unruly lemonade combines the high alk fun a truly unruly with every everyone's favorite lemonade. Lemonade. Let loose 8% ABV 100 delicious. Level up your lemonade. Four supercharged lemonade flavors. Bumping blue Razz OG original lemonade. Punched up pineapple wild pink. It's the official hard seltzer. Pardon my take. We love truly unruly. We're gonna get unruly all summer. Get unruly with truly. Level up your lemonade with truly unruly. I'm a big wild pink guy, so go get it now. Truly unruly. Get unruly Level up your lemonade with truly unruly. All right, what do we think, boys? Are we going to try? Do we do. I mean, I'm the strongest.

[Tim Woods]

I'm not even with you guys, so good luck.

[PFT]

All right. See you.

[Big Cat]

Should we get him up?

[Greg]

We got to get him up the mountain, right?

[Big Cat]

Should we get him up?

[Hank]

Safety in numbers.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

So far, everyone else has made it up, and I have two actions. And ironically, you had perfectly good athletics. He did not. So I would have. Maybe.

[Big Cat]

What do you. Do you want me to come get you or you want me to.

[Tim Woods]

I'm having trouble getting up.

[Big Cat]

All right, so can I grab him? I have two actions, right?

[PFT]

Yes, 100%. I'd say with your bonus action, you can almost hang down from the ledge.

[Big Cat]

Reach down and let me grab him.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Romy1 Athletics. Check to hoist him up. Are you raging before you do that? Hoisting. That'll eat up your whole turn. Then in that case, no, I don't want to rage. 100%. Not raging yet. So just one roll.

[Big Cat]

Seven.

[PFT]

Seven plus five.

[Big Cat]

Oh, athletics, I'm a. I'm a plus seven.

[PFT]

Plus seven. Now with a 14. That is just barely enough to hoist up. Anyone else would need a 15 but a gnome. You're able to get him up there with a 14. You bring up Erlich in an incredible teamwork move. 100%.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[PFT]

Land him safely on the ledge right next to you. Is that right?

[Big Cat]

Yeah, he's next to me. And now, Tim, for myself. Second action. I would like to ready like mega rage attack.

[PFT]

Yes. 100. Now, the issue is you can either ready to rage or ready to attack. I presume the attacking is what you want. Be raging, Unfortunately. You know What? Roll me one D20. If you can roll well enough, then I'll say you're able to sandwich both of these in.

[Big Cat]

That was a one.

[PFT]

A one, I'm sorry to say. I assume be ready an attack, but not a rage.

[Big Cat]

Dice gone cold. Yeah, we're gonna ready an attack.

[PFT]

100. You got attacks readied. In that case. Well done, Norm and Erlich, you are safe and sound on the ledge now. Well done. What would you like to do? So far, we've got two people with ready actions. You can see an axe ready from Norm, and we've got a thunder wave ready from Train Win.

[Zach]

Is Erlich really grumpy and hungry since he just got up?

[PFT]

I'll leave that up to you.

[Tim Woods]

No, I feel good at a burrito.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Tim Woods]

I would like to. I don't know know which skill is best for this. I would like to either use stealth or investigation just to get a. Just to get eyes on this guys. Because I feel like the little man might be one of those. Like he's not actually little. He's massive.

[PFT]

100. You can use either one of those skills. Stealth would be. I'm scouting ahead, putting myself at risk. But if I succeed, no one sees me. And I can see all of them peeking around the corner into the room. If you do investigation, then you're keeping your distance and figuring out out clues just by almost like just barely peeking around the corner a little.

[Tim Woods]

Let's go stealth.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Go ahead and roll me one D20 plus your ST. Do you have the stealth skill by any chance?

[Tim Woods]

I do 13 plus 5.

[PFT]

Okay. With a 13 plus 5, 18 is enough that you know you're being perfectly silent. But here's the problem. As you get about halfway down that tunnel thinking, I've never been more quiet in my life. I'm absolutely going to succeed on this stealth check. You're getting a little deterrent distracted because you're focusing on being quiet, not on investigating. And that's why, unfortunately, when you stumble into the trip wire that has been set by the kobolds, you are not noticing until after you have already broken this little piece of twine that it was attached to the wall. You see the twine start to go through this little pulley system. It's going up to the ceiling. It's going up to something above you. You. You see a clay pot hurtling down towards your head. Ehrlich, I'm going to need you to make a dexterity save throw. I'm sorry.

[Big Cat]

I want to say, just because we're a team, I want to take ownership for this. I'm the one who brought this idiot up here. My bad.

[Tim Woods]

What's a dexterity throw?

[PFT]

Dexterity saving throw is going to be a D20 plus three for you. Unfortunately, since you don't have training in it.

[Tim Woods]

That's a four.

[PFT]

A four plus three is going to be a seven. I'm sorry to say, Erlich, the clay pot is shattering on your head and you are getting covered with acid. Now let you roll a D20. Let me see how much damage you're taking.

[Zach]

Is it really smelly acid too?

[PFT]

It's pretty smelly. It's cobalt acid. I'm sure they made it out of like bodily fluids and stuff. Unfortunately, 14 plus another 13 going to be. It definitely got into your hair, beard, eyes, everything.

[Zach]

Get into his butt.

[Greg]

Seep down.

[PFT]

Roll a D20 to see where it got first. You roll the.

[Big Cat]

Nine.

[PFT]

Nine. It did get in your hair beard. I would say it went down your back, not into your butt. It's getting there. It's racing back, unfortunately. Got a full on queen 5 with 27 damage. I am so sorry to say, Erlich, that's about half your health. You have 45 health. Normally you've taken 27 points of damage. This is where a healer might be very helpful.

[Big Cat]

But I got a question. So he lost half his health.

[PFT]

He lost half.

[Big Cat]

At what point is it like we just got to put him out of his misery?

[PFT]

I mean, once you drop down to zero hp, you're not dead, you're just unconscious.

[Big Cat]

But you can see he's close to.

[PFT]

Like he's helpless. So he's it.

[Greg]

But like a lot of the healing is touching him. I don't want to get. Come on.

[PFT]

My good point. The weakest healing magic is long distance. The strongest healing magic would involve physical contact. For better or worse. So that would be our cleric's decision to make, obviously. Or anyone else who has healing magic, including our paladin Greg as well.

[Zach]

Yeah, but, but.

[Big Cat]

So now all these dudes know that we're here.

[PFT]

So let me. Let me get one more D20 roll. The higher you roll on this, the more you resist shouting and the quieter it was.

[Big Cat]

1818.

[PFT]

Here's the thing. The acid dripping all over you, sizzling away, boiling at your skin like xenomorph blood. But you go. And you're not screaming or shouting at all with that ste. I am going to roll. As long as you don't go roll super high on this. None of the kobolds have noticed that you just got hit by that trap yet. Congratulations, Erlich. You did set off the trap. It's set off now. There's no further trap, you think. And it did not sound off the alarm. At this point, with the rest of your stealth check being very successful.

[Tim Woods]

Trapped.

[PFT]

When we attack, you're able to peek around the corner. Now with your 18. You see? See, sure enough, 10 kobolds, one of whom is a beefy sobold. The sobold has a spear and a shield. The shield has red dragon scales embedded into it. He has this sick wooden mask to make his head look more like a dragon. And he's got three things on his belt, which is just a rope and a loincloth. It's like a whip of some kind. And two belt pouches. One definitely has jangling coins in it. One has some Other object in it. And then there's like a kobold cook cooking some rats. There's like a young kobold. A bunch of kobold archers scattered here.

[Tim Woods]

Any chicks?

[PFT]

There are several female kobolds. In fact. It seems like they're all covered in.

[Greg]

Yeah, you're covered in goop.

[PFT]

Absolutely. And you also know that there is a statue in this room. This statue is a statue of the dragon. It looks very derpy, very like trogdor vibes. It's clear that the kobolds tried to put together a bunch of rocks, Tie them together with strings, paint them red, probably with blood. But there are a pair of gemstones in the dragon's eyes. And you recognize where they come come from. But somebody here would. They are storm gems that are in the dragon's eyes. And you notice there are two doors. One goes further into the mountain to the north, straight ahead. But that door has a lock on it. There's another door to the east that does not have a lock on it. Now at this point, you could sneak back to your team and let them know everything you just saw. Or you could stay right here. What would you like to do?

[Tim Woods]

I'm gonna stay right there. I feel like if I go back. It's a classic case. If I go back and tell them everything I know, then they have no more use for me.

[Zach]

You're embarrassed. We're gonna make fun of you if you come back. We're like, who's.

[Big Cat]

I brought you up.

[Tim Woods]

I gotta hold this inform. I can't. They can't know this information yet. Cuz otherwise I'm useless.

[Big Cat]

All right. First selfish move of the game.

[PFT]

Yeah. I will point out one other thing. Don't forget that you have Lola the imp who can do something right now if you want. Famously, Lola can turn invisible also. So Lola could be INV visible right now. And you could have her do something in this room if you want.

[Tim Woods]

Can I send her through one of the doors?

[PFT]

Send her through one of the doors. Obviously, unless you have the key. It might be like she could try to pick the lock to get through that northern door. But she doesn't have thieves tools or proficiency or anything like that.

[Tim Woods]

Can. Can we. Can she just wait out someone going in one and then just follow it in?

[PFT]

Yeah, absolutely. 100. You could wait for the door to open or you could go through one of the doors. The problem is the door to the north is locked. Door to the east is not. But you could wait for somebody to open the doors or just go through the eastern door. Right now. If you go through the eastern door right now. Since she'd be opening and shutting it, she would have to make a stealth check. But she'd have advantage because she's invisible.

[Tim Woods]

I mean, the one that's locked has got to be the door we need, right? I guess we'll find out. Let's go through the east.

[PFT]

Absolutely. You're going through the eastern door.

[Big Cat]

The guy trapped by AI I successfully.

[Tim Woods]

Stopped them from you guys getting trapped. That's called being a team player.

[Big Cat]

I'm ready to rage.

[Tim Woods]

Yeah. And now you won't have to worry about getting trapped. You're welcome.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[PFT]

Roll me two D twenties and take the higher number for Lola.

[Tim Woods]

The 2020.

[PFT]

You don't need to roll any more than that first.

[Tim Woods]

Lola Spears. That's what she says.

[PFT]

Right?

[Big Cat]

What a roll.

[PFT]

Absolutely. And your minion Lola the imp is waiting for the exact right moment when all the kobolds are yelling at each other over their various D and stuff. You are able to slip in quite easily into the next room. Lola telepathically reports back to you that she's looking at a dead end. It's a forge. And the forge seems like it's in complete disrepair. It's clear that there was like a bunch of knights who like built a monster hunting lodge up here and that the dragon moved in after it got abandoned and had all its kobolds living here. There's nobody in this room except the furnace. The smelter is running right now. There is a fire roaring in it. And a little figure is huddled in the fire who looks up at Lola with little horns and little wings and a scorpion tail. Just like Lola. This is another imp that you have not seen before. What would you like Lola to do? The imp looks around and then just looks down. Because you rolled so well on your stealth. This imp has no idea. He thought like, did someone just come in the room? I get guess not. Just because he can turn invisible too doesn't mean he can see invisibility. So he's not aware of Lola's presence. What would you like Lola to do? Anything. Or.

[Tim Woods]

I think I. I think. I think she should come back.

[PFT]

She comes back and she reports everything back to you that she already telepathically told you, but confirms that she's able to make it back to you with that critical hit. No problem. She's now perched on your shoulder and she remains invisible. Well done, Erlich. Good turn. That will bring us.

[Tim Woods]

Now get in this other door.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Wayne's turn. Wayne, what would you like to do.

[Zach]

Is the swold. Is he the one that has the keys in the sack?

[PFT]

Yes, 100%. The SW. Bold. The strong one is the one with the key. It seems like he had two belt pouches. We knew one was full of coins. We didn't know what was in the other one.

[Zach]

Okay, I can disguise myself. Yes.

[PFT]

10. Yes.

[Zach]

Should I disguise myself as the Swobold and then try to get the army of kobolds to lead us somewhere?

[Greg]

That's not a bad idea at all.

[Zach]

Should I disguise myself as the drummer of the Beatles? As the drummer of the Beatles. Can I paint a star on my face? Do I know what little man looks like?

[PFT]

You do not yet. Unless you make a perception track and try to listen to the kobolds for more clues.

[Greg]

The little man potentially be the impression.

[Zach]

Oh, the imp that's in the.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Zach]

In charge of the furnace. We got to get our hands on these key. If I.

[Greg]

We have to get in through the.

[Zach]

If I disguise myself as the Swobo, do I also get the bag with the keys that he carries?

[PFT]

You would not necessarily gain the same possessions he has. And actually, that's part of the problem with the disguises. You would look like the sword, but you wouldn't have his mask, his shield, his spear, belt, pouches, any of his equipment.

[Zach]

Okay, so here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to disguise myself as the Swobo.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

And then I'm going to use my sleight of hand to steal the key from the other swole bolt and be like, I'm the real Swo.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Okay, I see now where you're going.

[Zach]

As the real Swobo. I wouldn't have this key if I wasn't actually him.

[PFT]

You turn into the swobold. You go to enter the room and try to walk right over to the other swobo and grab his key before starting to talk to the others and being like, we got an imposter here. Is that right? 100%. So you walk in, people are like looking up, and then as they're almost doing, you're already halfway across the room. And they start doing double takes. Like, wait. But he's there. And he's there. Wait. What's going on as Romeo? A side of hand check. No advantage, no disadvantage on this.

[Zach]

This one's. Yeah, for sure.

[Big Cat]

It's a five.

[PFT]

Oh. And what's your bonus on sleight of hand skill? Okay, with a 10, I'm going to see. First of all, did the Swobo notice the that you did that he just barely did. Then the other kobolds also did you come in, grab the key from this kobold and then start to be like hey everybody. And the swold goes who is this? What's going on? And the other kobolds go I don't know. I don't know. And they are speaking to each other in draconic which you understanding can also speak. What do you do or say at this point with your bonus action.

[Zach]

Can I cast a spell?

[PFT]

I would let you try. Yeah. What spell were you thinking of casting? I'll let you know if you can.

[Zach]

Roll the cast hypnotic pattern.

[PFT]

I'll let you roll the cast that one that's normally an action. And you've already done action this turn roll. And if you can get like a 15 or higher. You can try to quickly cast a hypnotic pattern. Wait.

[Zach]

Did we do counter charm? Me and all allies get advantage on saving throws against. I guess we're not being mind.

[PFT]

You're not being charmed. If they had counter charm then you'd have a problem. But hypnotic doing a charm on that. So I roll 2100% if you can get a 16 or higher. 1919. Amazing. You're able to pop off a hypnotic pattern spell. It fills the whole room. Every one of these kobolds needs to make a saving throw. So first of all, the swobold first and most importantly now hypnotic pattern is. If they fall under this charm. They will be staring up like it's fireworks going up on over their head. Jaw dropped. They dropped their weapons to the ground. Like what is the hypnotic pattern you create? You can create any image that you want. Any image can be like looping like a gif. It can be like a scintillating kaleidoscope. Whatever you want.

[Zach]

I think I'd like to put Joe Buck's face on the ceiling.

[PFT]

100%. Make this like animated face of Joe Buck that is talking to them and hypnotizing them. And they start to stare. And they're just listening to what Joe Buck is saying saying to them. And the swobold will roll first. He is not a Joe Buck fan. He rolled really well with an 18 on this. He's beating the spell. However, there are nine other kobolds in this room. Cold. Number one fails. Number two fails. Number three fails. Number four. Just barely fails. Number five just barely fails. Fails again. Number six. Number six is the first one who passes. So that's one other kobold and the leader. And that was number six. Number seven. Fails. Number eight fails. Just bare. No, that's a success. Just barely. So that's two Kobolds. And then I think one more Number nine fails. So of all the Kobolds in the room, the Swobo leader and two other Kobolds are still fighting right now. The rest of them are just listening to Joe Buck and talking to each other about what he's saying to them right now. 100%.

[Zach]

We'll get back to Tim woods and D and D in a second. He's brought to you by Better Help. Part of my take is sponsored by Better Help. Men today face immense pressure to perform, to provide and keep it all together. So it's no wonder that 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every year. And it's often undiagnosed it's okay to struggle. Real strength comes from opening up about what you're carrying and doing, doing something about it so you can be at your best for yourself and everyone in your life. If you're a man and you're feeling the weight of the world, talk to someone. A friend, a loved one, a therapist. I've gone to therapy in the past. It's helped me tremendously. And with over 35, 000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of of expertise. Talk it out with better help, our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.compmt that's BetterHelp H lp.compmt DND is also brought to you by State Farm. Yep, in basketball, the great players don't just do it alone. And in DND, too, they have teammates, you have coaches, you have a solid support system behind them. It's kind of like insurance, but because, let's face it, a lot of us probably aren't great at doing that alone either. That's where State Farm comes in. State Farm is a teammate, always ready to assist. Help you find the coverage you need and help you recover from the unexpected. From fender benders to storm damage or even just a question about your policy, State Farm is there to help provide an assist when you need it through the State Farm mobile app, a network of 19,000 local agents and online@state farm.com so don't just go at it alone. When you need help protecting what matters most, State Farm is there. State Farm with the assist. Coverage options are selected by the Customer availability and eligibility vary by state. And now, here's more Dungeons and Dragons.

[PFT]

Great turn, Wayne. And that is going to bring us to the Kobold turn next. Immediately I'm going to roll to see how smart these Kobolds are. These Kobolds have just barely not figured out they can shake their companions to wake them up. Instead, they're going after you to try to attack the imposter right now. And as they rush into attack, that is when I'm going to ask if anyone is rushing in with their readied action. Starting with Train Wind. Train Wind. Just as three people start to run over to him and gather around him. Do you want to jump forward with your Thunder Wave by any chance?

[Hank]

There's three of them coming at him right now.

[PFT]

There's three of them 100% readied up.

[Hank]

We're going to Thunder Wave them absolutely.

[PFT]

Thunder Wave will catch all three of them and just barely avoid hitting your companion. As long as just roll me a D20 and don't get a one and you don't actually mix him up with one of the enemies.

[Greg]

Oh, you still look like the Swobo.

[PFT]

Exactly right. That's why I'm having.

[Zach]

I might just kind of hang out.

[Big Cat]

Trained when don't get a A5.

[PFT]

Just. You almost hit all four of the kobolds rushing your way. And then luckily one of the Kobolds goes, it's me. It's me. And you're like, oh shit, That's Wayne the Bard. And so luckily you exclude him from the spell. You blast the leader of the Kobolds and the two others with a Thunder Wave. Is that right?

[Hank]

That is correct.

[PFT]

The leader of the Kobold. No, please roll the D8. Die two times and add it up. That is how much damage you do with your Thunder Wave.

[Hank]

So we got a 6.

[PFT]

6. Nice.

[Hank]

And a 1. 7.

[PFT]

7 damage is what they're saving. Against the first minion Kobold who's rushing forward, fails the saving throw, takes seven points of damage. He's yee by your Thunder Wave into the cook fire. And he's dead. Well done. Second, Cobalt unfortunately got a 21 total and only takes half of that 7 damage. That Kobold takes 3 points of damage, is not yeeted through the air. And so he's at 2 out of 5 GP left as he crouched down behind the Kobold who got thrown. Thrown through the air and kind of like some rocks hit him. But that's about it. Then most importantly, the Swobold. Swobold.

[Big Cat]

Ooh.

[PFT]

Had a plus two that's a 14. He needed to get a 13 or higher. So I'm sorry to say that's just barely a success. The Kobold leader takes three points of damage. And that means that he is down now to 11 out of 14 GP left. This swobold has almost as many hit points as you, but not quite. And now he's down to 11. Well done. That was your. Your Thunder Wave. At which point, before the Kobolds get to do their attacks, we have one other person who readied an action. Norm, would you like to charge forward and hit one of the Kobolds with your axe?

[Big Cat]

I think I got to.

[PFT]

Absolutely. There's one Minion and the Swo.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

Now, when you charge in after this guy, you aren't raged yet, unfortunately, but you could still go reckless if you wanted to. With reckless, you get advantage on your attack roll. And everybody who attacks you gets advantage against you.

[Zach]

Are you okay with that?

[PFT]

Yeah, absolutely. I'm marking you down as reckless, but certainly always worth it. That's. By the way, I don't know if you know this, but Norm, when people that I run games for among the awls, I ask them if they're going reckless. They always say, of course. Like, Norm, yeah, I gotta go reckless. Because they look up to Norman. I think 100. You gotta always go reckless. 100.

[Big Cat]

No risk it. No biscuit.

[PFT]

Absolutely. So we're all two times on this attack roll. 100%.

[Big Cat]

11.

[Greg]

7.

[PFT]

7. So we'll take the 11. You have, I believe, a plus six to hit with your great axe normally. But you're not wielding a normal great axe. You're wielding your magic plus two great Axe of the Chill, which is a plus eight. That's a 19 to hit the SW. And that's a solid hit. Go ahead and roll your damage with the great axe of the chill, which is one D2 12 plus. Let's see, four for your strength. You're not raging. So then it's two for the magic. So D12 plus six.

[Big Cat]

Seven.

[PFT]

All right. Seven. Six is going to be 13. That is a kill. How do you kill the Swobo leader? What does it look like?

[Big Cat]

I'm. I'm going to drop a. I'm going to drop a. A full plate from the gym on his head.

[PFT]

Absolutely 100%. You kind of like pull a full plate from the gym out of your B bag. You load it up onto your axe and you bring it down on it. You like serve it up like a pizza almost and tilt your axe and drop it on his head. He is crushed. He tries to like squat with it. He grabs it so swole now 100%. He uses kobold size weights. You gave him human size. Crushed immediately for skipping leg day. When you do notice he was all up the in the. In the SW bold artwork. Their legs are skinny and their upper body is like completely crushed immediately leg first.

[Zach]

Watched a lot of NBA. Had a boat on the west coast.

[Big Cat]

Yep.

[PFT]

Norm, you still have one more attack, right?

[Zach]

No.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

Oh. And now we have his keys, right.

[PFT]

You notice his belt pouches fall to the ground. Coins fall out of one. A key falls out of the other one. And you still have one more attack you can do with your ready to action. There is one more pretty scared looking kobold who still looks looks like he might be brave enough to attack you. Do you want to finish him off with your last attack?

[Big Cat]

Finish him off.

[PFT]

Roll me two more D20s. As long as you hit him, he's guaranteed death.

[Greg]

Oh no.

[PFT]

I usually don't count if it falls on the floor.

[Big Cat]

We don't count. Three. That's not good.

[PFT]

One.

[Greg]

Ooh.

[PFT]

Luckily you get to take the three. But with a three plus eight and eleven. Ironically you're only missing by one point. But it is still a miss your birthday wish. Sorry to say.

[Greg]

Save him with your birthday wish.

[PFT]

Hank. You could kill the birthday wish right now if you think it is worthwhile to do so.

[Big Cat]

Do you think we need to kill this cobalt?

[Tim Woods]

I think we got. We should try and get some information from this.

[Big Cat]

All right.

[PFT]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

He's almost dead.

[Tim Woods]

He's only one left.

[Big Cat]

All right.

[Tim Woods]

We don't know anything about this.

[PFT]

You're not trying to use that re roll to kill him because you want to keep him alive for information, right? Absolutely. Then it is this Kobold's turn. I'm going to roll for his bravery first. First of all, that's just enough. He's gonna stick around and try to stab the one person he has advantage on. Norm, I'm sorry to say he has advantage on you. Then he's gonna try to run away.

[Big Cat]

Not worth.

[PFT]

I'm sorry to say, Norm. He had like. He grabs a butcher knife from where the cook had dropped it. As he had started staring up at Jim Buck in the sky. He grabs a butcher knife, hits you right in the leg with it with a knife. 19 plus 4. That's a 23 to hit your armor class. I'm sorry to say. Because you had advantage.

[Big Cat]

That's fine.

[PFT]

You're not raging yet. So he is dealing a total of four damage to you. Not bad at all. You have 59 normally.

[Big Cat]

Come on.

[PFT]

It is a little annoying. It hits you like I. I said the leg. But let me say like kind of right in the kidney. It feels like a kidney stone.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

Annoyance maybe. But you. You've been hit by so many kobolds collectively as a group before that you're kind of used to this. I would say at this point, s.

[Zach]

Out of my dick.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, I got this.

[PFT]

Absolutely. I would also just like to take at this moment to just thank Ralph Rich is an awl out there. And every six months I have a call with Ralph Rich where he reviews the last six months memes. Kidney stones was one of them. And I got to work it in. Thank you. So appreciate it. But Ralph, thank you so much. Ralph is my hero. He is the one behind the scenes writing all my material.

[Big Cat]

Shout out Ralph Rich.

[PFT]

Pervert. I love that. And absolutely. Norm. The Kobold got you for four points of damage. I am so sorry to say.

[Big Cat]

No, don't apologize.

[PFT]

That is going to be.

[Big Cat]

I'm the type of guy I need to get hit to really feel like I'm in the game.

[PFT]

100%. Barbarians almost get stronger when they take a few hits.

[Big Cat]

Exactly. And now I'm awake. Now I'm pissed.

[PFT]

And speaking of which, the Kobold then tries to run away. And he's heading for one of the two doors as though to alert more people. But because he's running away from you, you get an attack of opportunity against him. Go ahead and roll one more time. You don't have advantage on this roll, but one more attack.

[Big Cat]

I have the key.

[Tim Woods]

No, I'm saying the. The nine.

[PFT]

Nine plus eight is a 17. You kill this kobold as he is trying to run away. All the remaining kobolds, like all six of them are just staring up at the sky right now helpless. And all the Kobolds who are fighting us are now dead. Thanks.

[Big Cat]

I hope it was worth the four points of damage you did to me. Cobalt59.

[PFT]

He could have gotten away safely. And because he rolled just brave enough, or let's say foolish enough. He was dooming himself inadvertently. Well done. So Kobold turn is now done. The rest of the Kobolds don't do anything. In fact, I don't think they even get saving throws until you end your turn. Which if Wayne gets hurt. The spell might end automatically if you fail a concentration check. So you might want to keep Wayne safe. But he's right now keeping all of the kobolds incapacitated with like A gym buck pop podcast right now and train Wind. That is going to bring us to you next.

[Big Cat]

Come on, Train wind.

[Hank]

Okay, how do we feel about everybody's life points? I know we took some damages here.

[Big Cat]

No problem.

[Hank]

There was like some, some acid getting thrown earlier.

[Zach]

I.

[Hank]

Do you think we need to like, maybe like a medium. He'll spell from a pretty, pretty close distance to get our, our boy back healthy.

[Zach]

So I mean, I mean who me? Norm is. Norm is banged up pretty.

[PFT]

Right?

[Greg]

No, we fighter need normal.

[Zach]

We need Norma 100%.

[Big Cat]

You could help me.

[Zach]

It's like a Gatorade bottle on the side.

[Big Cat]

Kidney stone did suck.

[Hank]

But you have like 50, right?

[Big Cat]

Right, but I have 59 now. I only have 55. So maybe get me back up to.

[Hank]

59 and then what is Britney's or.

[Big Cat]

We don't worry about that.

[PFT]

Britney is down to 18 out of 45 left.

[Big Cat]

Remember Britney didn't tell us any of the secrets Britney learned.

[Hank]

You think if we, if we heal Britney, Britney's still going to hold him out?

[Big Cat]

Yeah, for sure.

[Tim Woods]

That's not true.

[Big Cat]

Oh, you're not?

[Tim Woods]

No.

[Big Cat]

You're going to tell us everything if, if, if our nurse heals you.

[Zach]

I don't really trust Britney.

[Hank]

No, we don't trust Britney.

[Zach]

As a collective's kind of hot. We have history with Britney now that she's kind of half crazy right now.

[Hank]

Does that boost morale though? Like if we.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Hank]

Keep the hot partner around?

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah. I mean I like her just the way she is right now, I think. Here's, here's the thing. If you're fighting a war and you've got a tank and your tank is missing a tread and then there's like one guy over in the corner that hasn't done. Hasn't killed anybody and he's like got the flu. Are you going to spend your time fixing the guy that's got the flu or the tank that's missing a tread?

[Hank]

Our tank.

[Tim Woods]

He only lost four points.

[Hank]

Our tank pissed out the cobalt stone quick though. He said it was only four points.

[Big Cat]

Well, I am a beast.

[Hank]

But like, I mean like that.

[Greg]

We got to keep them focused and healthy. I don't know.

[Hank]

Do you feel focused and healthy right now?

[Big Cat]

I feel a little under the weather.

[Zach]

Yeah. Oh no.

[Hank]

You think that will go in passing? You need heels for that?

[Big Cat]

I feel like I need to heal.

[Hank]

And you have how many points?

[Tim Woods]

I've lost more than half my eight.

[Big Cat]

Points, but I've lost. Are you going to over. Over three points?

[Zach]

But his hit points are, are More valuable to us than.

[Hank]

Are you going to be forthcoming about the information?

[Tim Woods]

Yes.

[Greg]

We don't want to tiff with your nomaz.

[Hank]

You promise?

[Tim Woods]

I promise.

[Hank]

That doesn't feel okay. We'll do the. We'll heal a tank.

[Big Cat]

Thank you. Yes.

[Zach]

It was not going to be forthcoming. He's going to come at all.

[Hank]

I had to ask.

[PFT]

I can tell Zach plays support because you'd never give it away for free. Like, you could be shooting and stuff right now. If the team needs heels, then you've got to make sure that the team do what you want them.

[Big Cat]

I'll give you the Charizard card, but you got to eat it.

[Hank]

I have to eat.

[Big Cat]

I have to eat it.

[Hank]

If you keep it, will you maybe summon it?

[Big Cat]

Yeah, okay, maybe.

[Hank]

So you keep it. How strong?

[PFT]

Maybe part of the deal.

[Big Cat]

No, that's a. It's a pretty strong.

[Hank]

If I take it, I have to eat it.

[Big Cat]

No, no, if you take it, you have to eat it. But I'll keep it. I'll maybe summon it.

[Hank]

I'll take it, think about eating it, and then you take it. Maybe some it. Maybe eat it.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[Hank]

Deal?

[Big Cat]

Deal.

[Greg]

Pretty good deal.

[Hank]

So I'll take it, think about summoning.

[Big Cat]

All right.

[Greg]

Then you're giving it back, right?

[Big Cat]

Yeah. He took it, thought about eating it, then gave it back to me. Thinking about eating, slash summoning.

[Greg]

Fair deal.

[PFT]

Now, if you do heal the barbarian, I just want to let you know that'll be your second spell slot of the day. You only have three of those. Are you okay with that?

[Big Cat]

You know what? Don't heal me. Don't heal any.

[Hank]

Don't heal. Take the card.

[Big Cat]

No card, no heal. Let's just go. Let's go. Let's go finish this. Let's find the dragon, heal you.

[Hank]

Let's get to the dragon.

[PFT]

Do you do DPS and support? It's always a combination conflict of like, do I have to heal right now? I love to do dps.

[Hank]

So bank those other two for when we go because the dragon might be messing us up.

[Big Cat]

Correct.

[Hank]

I got. And you can live with the four.

[Big Cat]

And I appreciate you. It's the offer that counts.

[Hank]

And you're sliding me the card.

[Big Cat]

I'm not sliding with the card.

[Greg]

I can heal you.

[Big Cat]

You can, but you're not getting anything.

[PFT]

Okay.

[Big Cat]

Except a kiss.

[Hank]

Okay.

[Big Cat]

Okay. So let's go.

[Tim Woods]

Let's go.

[Hank]

Let's ride.

[PFT]

Absolutely. So right now, in theory, you know, there's two different ways to go. We just found a key to go through the northern door. We know the eastern door is. Is a dead end. Well, actually, I don't know that we know much about the eastern door at all. So there is an eastern door that's unlocked. There is a locked northern door, but we think we found a key for that, assuming. Norm, did you point out the key to other people?

[Big Cat]

Oh, yeah. I let my boys know. I always let my boys hold on.

[PFT]

To the key or give it to somebody else.

[Big Cat]

I'll give it to him. That's fine.

[PFT]

Absolutely. You got a key now? The key was from getting that lock open.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[PFT]

This is when you also notice there are gemstones. Gemstones you recognize in the eyes of their dragon statue. Just a heads up, does the key.

[Zach]

From the Swobo, the guy that was, like, banging everybody in the beach house, does it have residue on it?

[PFT]

Ooh, let me roll for residue. Oof. Yeah. This pretty slippery key. Absolutely. Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Let me lick it. I'm gonna lick it before I give it to you. Let me just put it a little on my gums.

[Hank]

Okay. Yeah, go ahead. Keep you.

[PFT]

Right.

[Big Cat]

Okay, Here. Here, take this key. Yeah, I got all I needed out of this key.

[Hank]

Okay. I got the key on us, and we're. We're looking to go.

[Big Cat]

Who do you think should win the MVP in the NFL this year?

[Hank]

MVP in the NFL this year?

[Big Cat]

I think Josh Allen.

[Hank]

I would like to see. I would like to see Baker Mayfield with the. Okay.

[Big Cat]

Josh Allen, though.

[Hank]

I'd like to see Baker winning. But Josh Allen's a good Josh Allen.

[Big Cat]

Like Josh Allen. We're just going to talk about Josh Allen.

[Hank]

Shout out Josh Allen.

[Big Cat]

All right. Yeah, shout out Josh.

[Hank]

You think he ever gets it? You think he gets one?

[Zach]

Oh, yeah. It was exciting.

[Hank]

No, I'm talking about, you think he ever gets a Super Bowl?

[Big Cat]

Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Hank]

You think so?

[Big Cat]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Probably multiple Super Bowls, way he thinks. Okay.

[PFT]

Absolutely. And so are you grabbing the key to open the northern door?

[Hank]

They sli me the key. We're looking to go up, right? We got this mountain in theory, north we.

[PFT]

In theory. You don't know which. You know what's behind either of these doors. But we do know we've been going north into the mountains, so we would surmise continuing north would probably be deeper into the mountain.

[Hank]

I think we'll rip the key to the north toward that school. Do you?

[PFT]

Silly. 100%. You unlock the northern door, you open it up. Is that right? Immediately, you explode. No, I'm just kidding, Zach. You're doing fine right now. You do see a long barracks in Front of you. Whatever knights, like witcher style knights lived in the mountains here hunting giants and minotaurs. A long time ago they must have built these stone bed frames. The mattresses and straw have rotted away a long time ago. You're also noticing there is another change in this room since it was once occupied before the dragon moved in. In there is a crack in the floor where there is lava shining up through. It's kind of like very bright. So it's kind of like a yellowish orangish, the color of cheese. If you picture the color of cheese then it would be that. That would be the. The lava flowing through and say orange or yellow. And you also are aware that there is a staircase at the other end of the hall going down. There was clearly once upon a time a door and a door frame. But it has been pulled off the hinges a long time ago by some big creature going into and out of that staircase many, many times repetitively. And you do not see any enemies in this room. Just a lot of stone bed frames and then a lava river flowing through the middle of the room. What would you like to do? You haven't used up. You still have movement, your action and your bonus action to do whatever you want.

[Hank]

Can I test a staircase for everyone?

[PFT]

You certainly could go up to the staircase 100%. So first you notice as you're going to this river of lava, it's blocking the middle of the room. It shouldn't be hard to jump over with your athletics a plus 5. All you need is a 5 or higher. So this should be an automatic success for you as long as you don't get a one to jump over. There's also a little wooden bridge that you think the Kobolds would use and you could walk across the bridge instead to get to that staircase. What would you want to do? Cross the bridge or just jump across?

[Hank]

I think we're going to jump to get to the stairs.

[PFT]

Easy peasy for you. You've done this a lot on ships and stuff. So go ahead and roll one D20. Just don't get a one and you're fine.

[Hank]

We got a four.

[PFT]

Four. It's close but with a nine total. You jump over, a little bit of the ground crumbles behind you and a little bit of ground crumbles where you land just behind your feet. But otherwise you're fine. You can now walk over to. And let me just make sure I did put something cool. You then can walk over to the top of the stairs and start looking down and maybe Testing out the stairs. Is that what you want to do?

[Hank]

Yes. I'd like to make sure the stairs are good for everybody else.

[PFT]

Absolutely. As you get to the top of the stairs, right before you start going down the stairs, you notice something first. There is at the foot of the stairs, the biggest pile of treasure you have ever seen in your life. However, there are. There's something blocking or like a shadow over some of it's shiny. And then a lot of it is obscured by something. That something seems to be letting out a loud.

[Tim Woods]

Max.

[PFT]

It is snoring. And whatever it is, it is very big. You think?

[Hank]

Do we think it has maybe wings?

[PFT]

It does seem like now that you mention it, there are wings spread out over this tree. Treasure pile 100%. You've still got your bonus action in your action. And so far this thing is not woken up.

[Hank]

So we won't wait. We won't wait. The dragon. We're good.

[PFT]

You could go down the stairs and test out the stairs. But I warn you right now that.

[Big Cat]

Probably we got to kill the dragon.

[Hank]

I got to take the dragon out, right?

[PFT]

Ready something if you want to.

[Hank]

I would like to. I would like to. Ready?

[PFT]

100%. What would you like to ready? Would you like to ready another attack spell? A hammer strike? Something else the Underwave would hit for 2d8 damage. Do you have any other first level spells? Under first level spells, either at the bottom right of your sheet or on the second page, the back side of your sheet, Wherever it says first level.

[Hank]

Spells, I've got a Fog Cloud, Thunder Wave.

[PFT]

Fog cloud and Thunder Wave. No other ones. Is that right? Even on the second page, Wrath of Storm.

[Hank]

And then.

[PFT]

Oh, I forgot. Wrath of Storm is really good. So if you do a thunder wave that sounds like it might be your best attack spell. And as long as you don't have Guiding Bolt, that's the only one I can think of that would be better. But if you have thunder only, will it deal 2d8 damage to the dragon? If you hit, you can do your Wrath of the Storm ability to maximize that to just 16 automatic damage against this dragon. Do you want to ready a thunder wave?

[Hank]

Is there anything I could ready that if we go in with the bigger attacks, that would heal them up? Like, do I have anything I can ready to. Like if they go in with the big hits because they're higher levels when they're in with the dragon, I can make sure they stay up.

[PFT]

You could anticipate that the dragon's gonna hurt somebody. And so you could have A healing spell ready as the dragon.

[Hank]

I like to ready that. If that's love.

[PFT]

Absolutely. I'm going to have you readying a heal spell. 100%. That's a great move. 100%.

[Big Cat]

I'm going let you hold my card for five seconds.

[Hank]

I'll take. Okay.

[PFT]

100%.

[Hank]

I appreciate the card.

[PFT]

Absolutely. It's back.

[Hank]

It's back. You got it.

[PFT]

So train wind, you've got a heal spell ready. That's going to bring us to Greg next.

[Big Cat]

We got to this dragon. Yeah.

[Greg]

I mean, it's hard. It's hoarding all this wealth.

[Big Cat]

It's tough.

[Greg]

V27 rings.

[PFT]

It's.

[Big Cat]

It's time. It's time.

[Greg]

Okay. I'm healing too, though. So should I ready a heal and.

[Big Cat]

You guys, I'm going to go crazy the minute my. It comes back to my turn. I'm this dragon up.

[Hank]

I like that.

[Big Cat]

So whatever we want to do to plan that out, we're ready to go.

[Greg]

So I have an aura of protection now.

[PFT]

Yes.

[Greg]

And do I need to cast that or is it always happening?

[PFT]

Anyone who's close to you gets a bonus to their saving throws.

[Greg]

Okay.

[PFT]

Which means that if everyone's surrounding you when the dragon attacks with, let's say, a breath weapon, everybody gets a bonus. Their saving throws against that breath weapon.

[Greg]

I think I am going to lay my hands Absolutely. To heal. Can I do one hand on each?

[PFT]

Yes. I allow that as a house rule. You have two hands. You should be able to heal two people at the same time with your healing hands ability. Absolutely.

[Big Cat]

Hands on me right now.

[Greg]

One hand.

[PFT]

One hand on you and then one hand on who? Erlich.

[Zach]

Unfortunately, you could go two hands on Erlich. On. On the chest.

[Greg]

Two hands on Erlich's chest?

[PFT]

Yeah.

[Zach]

On each one.

[Greg]

Are you good with the four?

[Big Cat]

I just. I just said I got hard when you put your hand on me.

[Greg]

Oh, you did?

[Big Cat]

Yeah. But that's okay.

[Zach]

Guys can get hurt. Stop.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Yeah. Oh, okay.

[Big Cat]

I'll stay.

[Greg]

I'll stay. And then just one hand on the breast of. Of Erlich.

[PFT]

Yeah, absolutely. 100%. You can decide how many of the 10 hit points. Sorry. No, you have like 30. 30 to give. Yes. So you can spend as many as you want on the two of them. Do you get him back up to full with four points?

[Greg]

No, I'm going to give him three.

[PFT]

Three.

[Greg]

So he has that chip on his.

[PFT]

I love that one point of damage. I love it. Absolutely. And that's three. You still have 27. If you want to give all of it to him. He would be a back up to full.

[Big Cat]

Are you gonna fight with us?

[PFT]

You could save some of it. Always helps out one in reserve just in case.

[Greg]

But let's give him the rest, abs.

[PFT]

All of the rest.

[Greg]

A true daily double.

[PFT]

All right, let's go. All as it were. 100%. Erlich, you are back up to full hit points. All the acid damage is wiped away. Congratulations. That's huge. And that will bring us from. Your turn, Greg. Well, that's your action. Anything with your bonus or move.

[Greg]

Can I ready my lance to throw?

[PFT]

Unfortunately, lay on hands is your action. I'll let you roll a D20 to see if you're able to squeeze in maybe a javelin throw into.

[Greg]

It's four again.

[PFT]

Four, I'm sorry to say had done a javelin strike. Unfortunately. Yeah, but you could move so that you're right next to our cleric or you could stay safe back here.

[Greg]

So I think I should be closer to everybody since I have the or of protection.

[PFT]

That makes sense 100%. Now ironically right now they're all not caught up, but they might be about to run up to where our cleric.

[Greg]

Yeah, let's go to like thinnest area, the bottleneck. Kind of at the top.

[PFT]

It does make sense. At the top of the steps is the bottleneck 100%. So you're to going to go there with anticipation that other people will be joining you there. How you want to get out over the lava, jump over it or take the bridge.

[Greg]

I don't think I'm at that athletic.

[PFT]

Your athletics bonus is maybe. Oh, you might not have an athletics. That means it's a plus three for you with your natural strength and you need a 5 or higher, which means you get a 1, you should be fine. You can just. In fact, sorry, it's a six now because some of it has crumbled away at this point.

[Greg]

But I'm going to.

[PFT]

Let's just do it.

[Greg]

I'm jumping.

[PFT]

Yeah. 100%. This should be easy. Just don't get a one or a two on the 20. On the D20. Exactly right. 100%.

[Greg]

See which one. I just rolled an 18 with that one.

[Zach]

You got to go white.

[PFT]

You got to go white.

[Big Cat]

I know it's weird.

[Zach]

Usually you just announce while other people do the athletic stuff.

[Big Cat]

Don't fall.

[Zach]

Use a white one.

[Big Cat]

Oh, There you go.

[Greg]

20.

[PFT]

Let's go. Absolutely no cloak, no disadvantage. Manage. That's the trick for doing it. Absolutely. And so with your athletics check, critical hit, you jump over. No problem. In fact, I'm going to say you were able to do that with the critical hit. Extra quiet. So I'm going to roll for the dragon two times. The dragon does not wake up. You are so quiet, even in heavy armor, you land and you are able to walk right over to here. You've done your action, you've done your move and your bonus. In that case, well done. Thanks so much.

[Big Cat]

Great work.

[PFT]

Greg, you are now right next to Train Wind, looking down at the sleep sleeping dragon. Norm, we are up to SEAL Team 6.

[Big Cat]

By the way, I wanted to just say, Greg, that was really cool of you to save both of us. I'll remember that. Some people point the gun at me. Well, some people have healing powers and they didn't heal us on their turn. So appreciate you doing that.

[Greg]

Yeah. And I actually have none left. I gave you everything other people just didn't do.

[Big Cat]

All right, fair go time.

[Zach]

Let's do it.

[Big Cat]

Let's it up.

[PFT]

Norm, we are up to you right now. You know, there is a stream of lava blocking your way to the draft dragon. Otherwise you're getting the signal from these two like it's here. That's an easy thing to communicate.

[Big Cat]

Yep. So let's go.

[PFT]

Absolutely. The moment that you rage, you are filled with fury, power and energy. It is as though Josh Allen just won mvp. The energy just pulsing and coursing your heart right now.

[Big Cat]

I told you guys about my business idea.

[Zach]

Pupils dilating.

[PFT]

Give me a second. Absolutely. When you start grinding your teeth, you're just like, I got so many good ideas right now. And you absolutely can roll with advantage to jump over the river of lava.

[Greg]

Now does he have to roll to see if his sniffles wake up the dragon?

[PFT]

Yeah, we're definitely eight to jump over eight. 100 is enough. No problem. And then I would like you to roll one time just to see how much like your teeth grinding and your sniffles and snorting are kind of like only a 3. Only a 3.

[Big Cat]

Probably got to go back to that.

[PFT]

And for fortunately, we're looking for a high roll there. So let me see is the dragon. And that with an 18 is the moment when the dragon's eyes fly open and he's looking up and sees our paladin Greg. He is seeing Train Wind and he is seeing you, Norm. And he goes, ah, treasure hunters. Do we have. Well, then you're going to regret coming to my house. And begins to climb off his treasure pile. You still got your action right now.

[Big Cat]

And I'm going for him.

[PFT]

Do you want to ready for this dragon to come up the stairs or do you want to just jump down the stairs and attack immediately?

[Big Cat]

I'm going. I'm going for it. I want to go for it. I don't trust your plan. I don't trust his plan.

[Greg]

What's your plan?

[Big Cat]

I'm going to this dragon up. If I. If I die doing it, then my boys are going to live. And I want to make sure only you train win can get the charizard if I die.

[Greg]

This is crazy.

[Zach]

Can you write a will?

[Big Cat]

Yeah. My will is you get the charizard. Ringo. You get my PS5.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Hank]

That's huge.

[Big Cat]

You get the Joe Buck painting.

[Greg]

Wonderful.

[Big Cat]

Yep. Britney, you get me haunting you from the afterlife.

[Greg]

Not bad.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, that's pretty bad deal. There's my will.

[Tim Woods]

That's toxic.

[PFT]

Norm, please roll two times to see as you jump down the stairs. Are you going to get another advantage on this attack roll. What am I looking assuming. Are you just running down the stairs or do you want to risk jumping?

[Big Cat]

I want to jump.

[PFT]

I want to go absolutely just midair jump down this 20 foot staircase. Let's see if you stick the landing. Three.

[Big Cat]

That was three.

[PFT]

Well, you get the higher two rolls. Since you are raging now.

[Big Cat]

19. 19.

[PFT]

Amazing. With a 20 or higher. As you are jumping down with the axe. The chill in the air, very God of war style. You're bringing the ax down. If you go reckless, you already have advantage. But if you. Sorry. If you go. If you already have advantage. If you go reckless, you have double advantage now and can roll three times. Are you going reckless on these attacks? Absolutely.

[Big Cat]

You know the answer to that.

[PFT]

Three times. You're looking for that critical hit if you can get it.

[Big Cat]

14.

[PFT]

Okay.

[Big Cat]

One. That was bad.

[PFT]

Okay.

[Big Cat]

Four.

[PFT]

14 plus eight is going to be a solid hit on this dragon. A 20 or higher is easily a hit. And so you are gonna get one D12 plus four for your strength, two for the magic and two for rage. That's D12 plus eight in that case.

[Big Cat]

Okay, so I'm rolling D12.

[PFT]

Bingo. Four. Four plus eight is gonna be 12 damage on this dragon. That is so far the first damage this dragon has taken. And that's huge news. The bad news is is he's not nearly halfway dead. I'm sorry to say we're him up. At which point I want to just say, did anyone else have a readied action? No, I have a readied heal it looks like. But nobody else had a readied action. And you healed as well. But you had a ready to heal train wind so no readied attacks against the dragon right now, Erlik, that is going to bring us to you. It is not the dragon turn just yet.

[Big Cat]

All right.

[Tim Woods]

So I, I, I, I got a plan.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Tim Woods]

I would like to go into the east wing.

[PFT]

Yes. 100%.

[Tim Woods]

And create a minor illusion to distract.

[PFT]

The dragon, you know now.

[Tim Woods]

Send it. Send an illusion up the. Up the, up the whatever chimney.

[PFT]

So first of all, you are in the room right now where all the kobolds are staring up the sky. The east door, you know, you are the one person who knows is where the the other imp is in that room. And then to the north, you know now is where the dragon is.

[Tim Woods]

But isn't. Isn't there a chimney in the east wing?

[PFT]

Assuming that it goes dragon lair. Yeah.

[Tim Woods]

It has to go into the dragon lair chimney.

[PFT]

Has dragon lair go up.

[Zach]

Chimneys go up.

[PFT]

Straight up.

[Tim Woods]

All right. Never mind.

[Zach]

Seen a chimney.

[Tim Woods]

Well, I thought it was like sending heat up to the dragon.

[PFT]

That, that is an interesting idea. You think that the dragon generates its own heat for better or worse? Unfortunately, the f. Apparently the fire was roaring in there so that the imp, who's immune to fire could just sit in it like a bathtub and be protected basically from anyone ever touching him. So he seemed to be the one who was enjoying there. The moment you open the eastern door, by the way, you don't see anybody in that room. It's empty.

[Greg]

Apparently this was your plan.

[Tim Woods]

I thought it was a good plan. I no longer do.

[PFT]

You haven't used up any of your turn yet. You just looked in the eastern western door. Let's see. All right.

[Tim Woods]

Let's go blast the dragon.

[PFT]

Yes. 100. You run over. If you're jumping over the lava, just roll me a D20. Or are you taking the bridge?

[Tim Woods]

Lava 11.

[PFT]

11 is enough. You are able to jump over the lava. No problem.

[Big Cat]

Let's go.

[PFT]

As you run to the top of the stairs, are you doing a hex on the dragon before you do an eldritch blast? If you do a bonus action hex, he'll take more damage. I'll just blast. Absolutely. This is your second spell slot you're using up. You also get to pick one of his six ability scores. You could hex him with weakness. You could hex him with clumsiness. You could hex him with like indigestion. Basically, you can make him stupid, unwise, foolish, or low charisma. What would you like to.

[Tim Woods]

Let's just weaken him.

[PFT]

Let's just take. Yeah, you're affecting his strength. You Give him a curse of weakness. In that case with the hex. And now you're gonna deal more damage if you hit him. Roll me one D20 plus six, I think.

[Tim Woods]

12.

[PFT]

12 plus an 18. You are hitting him for your Eldritch blast damage, which is one D10 plus four, I believe. Oh, that's a D12. Unfortunately, the D10 might be higher than that.

[Tim Woods]

Is this the D10?

[PFT]

This is the D10. It's kind of shaped like a top a little bit, but fatter than the D8.

[Tim Woods]

The Dreidel.

[PFT]

There you go. Bingo. Exactly. Looks kind of like a five sided dreidel. That's the right one. Yep.

[Greg]

Oh, the dreidel shaped 1.

[PFT]

5 5. So 54 should be 9 more damage on this dragon. But roll me a D6 for your hex. Now the cube die. 5 more on top of that is 14 more damage. The dragon already took 12 from Norn.

[Tim Woods]

So I did more damage.

[PFT]

And that is going to bring him up to 26 team games. In that case. Absolutely. Norm, I'm so sorry. And I was partially reminded by the fact that you held this over him. You should have gotten two attacks, Norm, not one. I'm so sorry. Let me get my second attack real quick. Just roll me with it three times. One more time. Kill the dragon. Actually one, two. Two times. Just two times, not three.

[Big Cat]

Thirteen.

[PFT]

Already a hit.

[Big Cat]

Twelve.

[PFT]

Twelve. So you hit. Roll me another D twelve plus eight.

[Big Cat]

Happily not six.

[PFT]

Six plus eight is going to be another fourteen, which is the damage he just dealt. And that'll bring him up to an even 40. At 40. Did you hear that?

[Big Cat]

I did 26 of damage. Yeah, you're right.

[PFT]

Absolutely. And you have dealt 40 collective damage. The dragon is closer to halfway dead. But still not halfway dead just yet, I'm sorry to say. Well done though, Erlik. And luckily, it's not the dragon's turn yet. However, it's not Wayne's turn either. Suddenly we see, or rather hear. Okay, first we see the door to the forge, which you had opened up. Did you close it behind you after you like, peeked in? And when you were running over to the dragon, did you. You opened it up, you shut it behind. Is that right?

[Greg]

You're lying.

[PFT]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna honor the fact that you could have shut it. However, it is just opening again. And we don't see anything emerge. But we see it only opened a few inches. And we hear a bat or something fly into the room. But none of us see anything in the Kobold room. We just hear what sounds like a bat flying around and then it sort of giggles a little bit and flies into the room where the dragon is waiting. Waking up. You hear it fly over you. The two of you down the stairs to where Norm is and you. No, I'm gonna say we don't. None of us hear anything being said to us just yet. But you feel something land on your shoulder, Norm, and suddenly there is a stinger you feel like trying to sink into your neck, I am sorry to say. And sure enough, the imp critical hits you, I am sorry to say, with a natural 20. And that means that you are taking a total of.

[Tim Woods]

Four.

[PFT]

Plus three is gonna be seven damage. However you're raging now, that's only three points of damage against you, bringing you up to four. Then the poison damage courses through your veins. Please roll two times on a constitution saving throw. I'm giving you disadvantage because this was a critical hit.

[Greg]

Would this have happened if that door wasn't open?

[PFT]

It would not have made a difference if the door is open or shut, to be fair.

[Zach]

Is it good manners to close the door after you walk out of it?

[PFT]

Probably yourself, maybe.

[Greg]

No, no, no. This was his plan.

[Big Cat]

What am I wrong?

[PFT]

Roll me a 2D 20s. Take the lower number because it's a constitution saving throw. 8, 2, 18, 18, 10, 10. Okay, so we take the 10. Sorry, Norm, on your sheet, does it say what your constitution saving throw is? I. Let's see. You would have a plus two and then a plus three. So you'd have a plus five. What did you get on your roll again?

[Big Cat]

I got a 10.

[PFT]

10 plus 5. That is enough. You're gonna take half damage from the poison then in that case, well done. And so you are going to be taking all. All of this, but then half of it.

[Big Cat]

Door.

[PFT]

Okay, so that's gonna be. Would have been.

[Big Cat]

Max just looked at the actual door.

[PFT]

12, 17, 20, 24, 29 damage is what you would have taken. You're taking half of that because you passed the saving throw. And so that's 14 more damage brings you up to 18, norm. And I would like you. Suddenly it's no longer invisible. You see this imp on your should. It's like running around trying to like hide in your fur, as it were and stuff your snorlax fur. I would like you to please roll me a D20 to see if you notice something. 1111 with an 11. That's just barely not enough. You don't know if this imp is Lola or not. You hardly ever see Lola because Lola is usually Invisible. So for all you know, Lola might be attacking you right now. Lola's the only, only imp you've ever seen in your whole adventuring career, Just to be clear. Okay, so, Norm, that is what's happening on Imp Turn. And at the end of Imp Turn, it is now Wayne's turn. Wayne, what would you like to do?

[Zach]

We'll get back to D and D in a second. But first, a word from Chevy. You grind all year. Early mornings, late nights, fantasy drafts, hustle mode on. But when summer hits, it's time to chill. And Chevy so much Silverado makes that possible, we're talking towing the boat to the lake, off roading in the woods like a legend, and still having time for the squad. And all your gear. Inside, Chevy Silverado is comfy. It's like a recliner. On the outside, it's built like a linebacker. Chevy Silverado. Work hard, chill harder. Football guy Approved. Head to Chevy.com. check out more about the Chevy Silverado. Chill harder with a Chevy Silverado D. D is also brought to you by our great friend over at hey dude. The makers of the world's most comfortable footwear. Part of my take is hitting the road, and hey dude is bringing us straight to hey dude country, where the drinks are cold, the music's hot, and nobody's taking themselves too seriously. Just good times, good vibes, and the world's most comfortable shoes. Whether we're lakefront in Tahoe, kicking back with the boys, or hopping flights all summer long, one thing's for sure. Hey dude shoes are coming with. They're the ultimate travel companion. Easy to pack, easy. Easy to slip on and off. If you're at the airport so fast, so light, you'll forget you're even wearing them. No matter where your destination is, make sure you're always arriving in hey dude country. Easy on, breathable, and so lightweight that you'll forget that you're even wearing them. Built for boat rides, backyards, bar hangs, they're perfect for wherever the summer takes you. So whether you're in Tahoe, Toledo, Tallahassee, or just chilling in your own backyard, you're always just one pair away from hey Dude country. Head to hey dude.com/barstool and gear up for your next trip. Trust us, you're going to want these along for the ride. And now more dnd if I do. Fireball is that weaker against a dragon?

[PFT]

Unfortunately. You know for sure, Fireball would deal zero damage to this dragon.

[Greg]

Unfortunately, to the imp. Probably too.

[Zach]

Probably to the imp.

[PFT]

Yeah, the imp was sitting in fire, we think.

[Zach]

The first thing I do. Can I close the door?

[PFT]

You certainly could. Yeah. You go to where the imp flew out of and you just shut this case.

[Greg]

There's a kind of, like, really kind.

[Zach]

It's one door that's open, and I'm like, we're not heating up the whole neighborhood.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100%. Yeah.

[Hank]

Well done.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

Okay, so I need to. I need to get in this fight. I got to have my boys back.

[PFT]

If you have any spells that might be helpful, a lot of your spells tend to be, like, charming and stuff like that. To be fair, Dissonant Whispers deals 3d6 damage if you. If they fail their wisdom saving throw as you whisper horrible secrets of the universe into their mind.

[Zach]

A painful melody into an enemy's mind. Could I sing imagine dragons?

[PFT]

Yes. 100. Absolutely. And he goes, no, not that. Because as a dragon, he hears that all the time.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[PFT]

As you do some dissonant whispers into his mind. He needs to make a saving throw. Okay. He has just barely failed that saving throw. If you cast it at first level, that would be 3d6 damage. If you cast it at second level, it would be 4d6. And if you did it at third level, then that would be 5. I'm doing third six. That is your last spell slot, then. Absolutely. So you have no third level spell slots left, but you use up your Last 1 for 5d6 is worth of damage. He's going to take all of that damage.

[Greg]

Nice.

[Zach]

That's a six.

[PFT]

A six. Six is already great.

[Zach]

A six.

[PFT]

Amazing.

[Zach]

Go one.

[PFT]

12. 13. Two more.

[Zach]

Sixer one, fucker.

[PFT]

Okay, 14.

[Tim Woods]

Sixer three, Focker.

[PFT]

17 more damage brings him up to 57. And at 57 now, at long last, you can tell the dragon is just just barely halfway. Well done. Absolutely. And so with that spell, there's one other effect that he gets. He immediately hearing Imagine Dragons coursing through his head, he goes, no, no, get it away, get it away. And he begins charging away from Norm. Norm immediately gets one free attack against this dragon.

[Big Cat]

Normal.

[PFT]

One more detail. 20 against him.

[Big Cat]

13.

[PFT]

13. 8 is going to be a dirty 21. 12 plus 8. 10. 10. 8 is 18 more damage, bringing him up to 75 now 100%. He looks like he is three quarters of the way dead. Well done. Absolutely. It might be a nice even round number.

[Zach]

I didn't realize that.

[PFT]

I'd say roughly 75% dead, maybe. And so you are absolutely clobbering him. He runs and he is cowering in the corner underneath all These statues and sarcophagi of all these ancient knights. Well done, Wayne. That was a good fastball special as it were a combo where you hurt him and then Norm gets to hurt him. And that. That and he also looks at you and goes, the SW Betrays me. And he thinks right now too. Absolutely, he thinks he's been betrayed. Now at this point, just as you are making him think he got betrayed, that is when he shouts, pets, pets, protect me. And we are just coming up to the initiative count, where just before Train Wind goes, his minion would go. And from out of the lava, a pair of fire snakes, serpents made of pure flame, begin to coil themselves out of the fire and slither towards two of us. The people at the top of the stairs are you three. So I'm gonna roll to see who the first fire snake goes after. I am so sorry to say, Train Wind, we've got one fire snake going after you right now. It lashes out to punch bite you. And as it does, Train Wind, you have a ready heal right now. I just want to check. Did you use that on Norm at all when he took damage? He's down to 14 damage.

[Hank]

The last Ra didn.

[PFT]

Didn't use it yet. Okay, so you've got it if you need it. And it looks like you might end up needing it. So let's see. First attack roll against you is a miss. I'm happy to report with a total of a nine, misses your armor class. Then he tries to whip you with his tail attack. He lashes out trying to bite you. And then his fiery tail is going to be a total of a 12. But what's your armor class at the top center of your sheet?

[Hank]

All shields, armor. All shields.

[PFT]

Armor class.

[Hank]

Armor class. My bad.

[PFT]

It's gonna be right top center, just below character name.

[Hank]

Oh. 16. 18 with shield.

[PFT]

You're doing fine with your 18 with your shield build up. You are absolutely blocking this attack. And the fire snake fighting you is done with his turn. Then the other fire snake is going after our bard. Wayne. Wayne, this is dangerous because if you get hit, you might lose the spell that's keeping the kobolds hypnotized. So. Ooh. First attack against you is a 15. Can I ask, what's your armor class on your sheet?

[Zach]

17.

[PFT]

17 Mrs. You just barely. Well done. And then the second attack, also just barely misses you. Well done. With a 10 total, we are avoiding all the attacks from the two fire snakes. Huge. The kobolds remain hypnotized. That means on their turn. And I'm So sorry to say this is when the dragon would be going now. Right before your turn. Train win.

[Greg]

How much do you have left?

[PFT]

It is.

[Greg]

How much health do you have left?

[PFT]

Like half the dragon is marching right up to you.

[Big Cat]

Bring it, bitch.

[PFT]

Norm. I am sorry to say, Tim.

[Zach]

I can deliver cutting words when an enemy tries a dice roll.

[PFT]

Interesting. Okay, so here's the thing. He doesn't roll a D20 for this. Okay. But I would say that your cutting words can be used to raise the saving throw for everybody in your group. Cuz it's affecting him at the source. Do you want to do cutting words on him right now?

[Zach]

I want to insult the. I want to roast this dragon.

[PFT]

What do you say? To roast this dragon.

[Zach]

He's got some terror terrible furniture.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

100.

[Zach]

And I'm like, dude, come on. Like get a job.

[PFT]

Absolutely. You live like this. He goes, I have collected the best furniture from these nights. You see some like tack board IKEA furniture fall apart in the background. It's like a sarcophagus just falls.

[Zach]

It looks like a slob.

[PFT]

He is absolutely embarrassed. Please roll a D8 against him. The D8 monster right here. It's a prism. It looks like a platonic solid eight. It is the one that looks like a dreidel ironically. And so with an 8, it's a plus 8 to everyone's saving throw. And to take half damage from this fire, you only need to get a 15 or higher. So a plus 8 is actually huge. So first of all, I'm going to now roll to see how much fire damage we are taking in all. I will let you know when I am done. Rol. Okay, two for starters, two points of damage. Then another six is going to be eight points of damage. Then another eight is going to be 16 points of damage. Then oh, another 12 is going to be 28 points of damage. Two more, it's going to be six and that's going to be 34. So 34 damage is getting unleashed from the dragon's mouth. He is marching right up to norm to hit norm with this 34 damage first. However, the fire is going up the stairs and it is going to hit everybody at the top of the stairs, which is everyone else who is at the top of the stairs right now, which is all of us. So Norm, since you're front and center, please roll me your dexterity. Dexterity saving throw. You have a plus 2 from your own stats and a plus 8. So you have a total of a plus 10 on this. You need to get a 15 or higher to take 17 instead of 34 damage.

[Big Cat]

20.

[PFT]

Bingo.

[Big Cat]

15.

[PFT]

15. Now you also had advantage on this due to something called danger sense. So just roll one more time. Just see if you critical hit. But that's going to be enough.

[Big Cat]

4.

[PFT]

4. So you are going to take that initial roll. 17 damage. You had 14 on you. Currently 17 fire damage is going to bring you up to 31.

[Zach]

He also has that fire.

[PFT]

Oh and you would have drank your fire potion before going to this dungeon. That means you are not taking 17. You are only going to be taking eight points of damage. That takes you up to just 22 damage out of your 50.

[Greg]

Nobody has a like a heel ready for.

[Big Cat]

Nope.

[PFT]

We do have someone with a heel ready. I'm going to see how much damage everybody takes. And you roll yours last to see if you want to heal or save it for yourself.

[Greg]

And if Wayne takes damage, all those kobolds are going to come down the steps.

[PFT]

That's true. 100% in fact. All the more reason. Wayne, roll. Next on your saving throw. Roll me a D20. I believe you have a plus 3 on this.

[Zach]

15.

[PFT]

15 plus the 8 is going to be plenty. You are also going to be taking half damage. But you don't have fire resistance. So that's 7.

[Zach]

17. I gave him away.

[PFT]

You gave him away. I'm sorry to say. 17 damage coming your way means I'm going to need your roll a D20. I didn't think long as you.

[Zach]

I didn't think that Trade Wind was going to take it when I offered him. I was just doing it to be nice. And he was.

[Hank]

Can I slide you back?

[Zach]

No, it's already yours.

[Big Cat]

It's done.

[PFT]

You would have needed to drink it technically before you even went into this.

[Zach]

It was a test.

[PFT]

It would get helpful now. Did you drink that up? Return it to him.

[Hank]

I do. Yeah. I it up. Yeah. I shouldn't have taken the potion. I thought he was like hey, you want a potion? I said yeah. I shouldn't have said yes.

[PFT]

Trade Wind. You do have the least hit points. So I will just say this might come in handy here. So. But Wayne, roll me a D20 just to see if we lost the spell on the kobolds.

[Zach]

13 13.

[PFT]

You hold onto the spell on the kobolds. They remain hypnotized. Good stuff. You're taking 17 points of damage. But you have 51 health in all units. Usually you're fine. Absolutely. And then the next person. Erlik. Let's roll a D20 plus two for you. You need. Oh, five. Plus two is seven. And then with a plus eight from our bard, that's going to be a 15. Just barely enough to take half damage. That's 17 damage coming your way, Erlich. And you were at full hit points, so now you're just 17 hit points down. Well done. And then Greg, please roll me a D20. Plus your dexterity, which I'm pretty sure is a plus zero, unfortunately. But you have a plus eight on this. It's a two. Now here's the thing. No one else needed your aura of courage, but you might end up needing your aura of courage. So right now you have a plus zero from dexterity saving throw. You're getting a plus eight from the Bard. And so that's a ten total. Then your aura of protection gives you a plus what? Or your. Yeah, or of courage or aura protection. What does it add to the All. All saving throws is a plus three. Is that right?

[Greg]

I do not. Plus three.

[PFT]

Plus three. That would get it up to a 13. I am desperately trying to think of anything. No, it would add up, but it sounds like you are missing the saving throw by just one point. And luckily for you, you have fire resistance. So you would have been taking 34 points points of damage. Instead you are now taking just 17 with fire resistance. So you got that going for you and that's huge because now you are not halfway dead. You have 52. Normally. Good stuff. However, now the most important role. Train wind. Right now, can I ask, how many hit points do you have? Top center.

[Hank]

Top center hit points. 15.

[PFT]

15. That's what I wanted to make sure. Because right now you only have 15 level 2.

[Hank]

I'm lower level.

[PFT]

His game. Yeah. Oh, man. So you know that right now if you were to pass the saving throw with fireball with fire resistance, then you would only take eight damage. But if you fail the saving throw, fire resistance is not necessarily going to save you. You'd still be taking 17 points.

[Greg]

Did you accidentally buy a children's fire resistance potion?

[Zach]

I did, yeah.

[PFT]

That's embarrassing.

[Zach]

It was like the Fisher Price one. My first fire resistance.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

Okay, so it's not quite as effective. Is that right? I'm sorry to say you might be taking. I don't want to more than half damage, unfortunately. So I'm gonna see need to see a really good roll on this for you to be alive at the end.

[Hank]

Of your turn off the D20.

[PFT]

That would be a D20. Bingo.

[Hank]

Got a 10.

[PFT]

A 10. And you do not have any bonus on this. I am sorry. To say, however, you're getting a plus eight. So that is an 18 total and that would be enough. However, you're going to take a little bit more than 8 damage since it's not a full strength fire resistance potion. You are taking 14 points of damage. Knock. You said you had 15 hit points. You got one hit point left. That means right now dragon spit out.

[Zach]

Like a tornado of fire.

[Big Cat]

Sharknado.

[PFT]

That's right. Let me roll to see how much wind might be going. I may to say you as a storm clear kind of command the Sharknado. So here's the thing. Let me let you know if there is a Sharknado happening. There is a Sharknado. Would you like to use your storm magic to try to end the Sharknado before it can start?

[Hank]

Can that Sharknado take out other people in the game?

[PFT]

It could potentially. Yeah.

[Hank]

Yeah, we got to take that out. I don't want you guys to get hit by that.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100%. That's an area as you know all too well.

[Big Cat]

Please say you would never use a Sharknado.

[Hank]

But if it's going to take out the team, I got to get rid of it.

[PFT]

Okay.

[Hank]

I don't think I'm using it. I think I'm getting rid of the NATO. I believe so. Am I misunderstanding?

[PFT]

You could end the Naito. Or if you roll really well, you could maybe try to take control of it if you're willing to compromise your principles.

[Hank]

Even if I roll well, can I not take control and still make these guys don't get taken out?

[PFT]

Agreed. 100%. Right now, the number you need to beat is an 11. One roll 100%.

[Zach]

This is huge.

[Greg]

Nice.

[PFT]

Did you get 11?

[Hank]

We rolled a one.

[PFT]

We rolled a one. And with that, I am sorry to say the Sharknado, which is filled with fiery sharks, is heading right towards you and deals another, I'm gonna say 4d6 damage to you. As long you're down to 1 1. As long as you don't roll 16 on these four dice, you're not dead, you're just unconscious.

[Hank]

As long as you don't roll 16 on these four dice.

[PFT]

As long as you don't roll a 16 or higher, and I just rolled games, a seven plus seven is a 14. You're unconscious, but you are not dead. Train wind. But I'm sorry to say with that natural one, you tried to take control of the Sharknado. And I'm afraid to say the sharknado took control of you instead. And it is just flipping you through the air right now.

[Big Cat]

Right? You've been here before.

[PFT]

Been here before, but it's not a.

[Hank]

Good place to be.

[PFT]

Absolutely. You think? The dragon starts laughing like he's gg easy, kind of like unfortunately. And he says, I love to spam this. He even admits he spams it all the time I'm recording. And. And he also says, he says that he's talking to the. Like, he says, my uncle works at Marvel R like, and he's not going to nerf it. He's actually going to make it stronger. Buffett told he's gonna buff it 100%.

[Zach]

But Zach just said he reported it.

[PFT]

Oh, you reported it.

[Hank]

I reported him.

[PFT]

Yeah. Roll the report him real quick. You telepathically speak to pound found your God and you're like, could you report this guy? I'd like him nerfed, please.

[Hank]

16.

[PFT]

16 is great. Pound found said we are aware of the imbalancing issues. He puts out a little erratic and he says, we're not doing any updates on it just yet. We want everyone, everyone to have a good time. And you could tell they're just favoring the players who like to use exploits like that. Unfortunately right now. So pound found is unfortunately just playing to the Smurfs right now, it seems like. And you would have needed a critical hit, I will admit. And it's unfortunate you got that high roll. So you at least got an answer, but it's not to your satisfaction. But valiant turn right there. That is going to bring us from the dragons turn now. After he takes you out with the sharknado and hits all the rest of us, I believe everyone's now been hit officially by the breath weapon that is going to bring us to Train Wind next. Now, Train wind. Here's the thing. You had a readied heal going. So I want to give you this chance. First, you had been driven into. What did I roll again? 14. You were at one. You're at negative 13 right now.

[Greg]

If not, great.

[PFT]

You can use your ready to heal right now. If you're unconscious, then I know exactly what happens. You roll a death sentence saving throw and you might make it up to do a turn. If you roll a natural 20. However, I'm going to give you one chance. You had a ready to heal. Would you abuse it to heal somebody else or to try to keep yourself alive, in which case you are desperately rolling for 14 or more hit points restored. Otherwise it doesn't save you.

[Hank]

I can't defeat the dragon. We got to keep some of these bigger guys up to defeat the dragon. So we need to heal some of the tanks. Some of the. So we got to heal Brittany. We got to heal. Graduate. What are our life points looking like here?

[Big Cat]

Boys, I'd like you to save yourself.

[Tim Woods]

I lost 17 points.

[Big Cat]

I'd like.

[Greg]

We're winning this team.

[Big Cat]

We're. Save yourself.

[Hank]

But I want.

[PFT]

We want.

[Zach]

But if we all win without you, then we didn't really win at all.

[Hank]

Correct, but the dragon's dead.

[Big Cat]

No man behind. Save yourself.

[Hank]

You guys think we can make it another round?

[Big Cat]

Save yourself.

[Zach]

Yes, but we need you.

[Big Cat]

We need you.

[Hank]

He's got.

[Greg]

Every time we play this game, we make sure all of us remain tightness.

[Zach]

We've never lost a man.

[Hank]

He's got heels too, though.

[Big Cat]

Save yourself. Yeah.

[Zach]

This is about you. For once, think about yourself.

[Hank]

The objective is is defeat this dragon. Right.

[Big Cat]

Save yourself.

[PFT]

In the game of D and D is your decision how much you cooperate and how much you betray each other. In your call.

[Hank]

I. Can I ask you one more qualifying question? What? When we defeat the dragon, what's the end game there? What. What goes.

[PFT]

In theory, I will point out the treasure. In theory gets split up. We go back to town and we receive our accolades.

[Greg]

So we want to split up this treasure.

[Big Cat]

We don't want to be going back down and being like, hey, where train went and go.

[Zach]

I've got the accolades too.

[Hank]

So can we split it up a months to five.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Hank]

That's what the heels up amongst.

[Big Cat]

Feel yourself.

[PFT]

Oh. Oh. I'm sorry to say no. You would need to heal one.

[Big Cat]

Feel yourself.

[Zach]

Save yourself.

[Big Cat]

You're dead.

[Zach]

You're dead. Save it.

[Hank]

I'll be uncon.

[Greg]

I'll be uncon.

[Hank]

You get uncon and then he got heels. Maybe.

[Big Cat]

Heal yourself.

[Hank]

I'll heal the boys.

[Big Cat]

No. Heal yourself.

[Hank]

We're not gonna kill the dragon. Then we're all.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, we are. Yes, we are. Okay.

[Hank]

All right.

[Big Cat]

All right.

[Hank]

I can do that.

[Big Cat]

I can't believe you heal.

[PFT]

You're healing.

[Hank]

Selfish.

[Zach]

What the.

[Hank]

No, I'm not going to heal me. I'm going heal.

[Big Cat]

No, you got to chill yourself. You got to heal yourself.

[Hank]

I can't. Heal me.

[Big Cat]

Do it work?

[Hank]

I'm. My level's too low.

[Big Cat]

Train, wind. Look me in the eyes. Heal yourself. How many life do not want to win with. With one of us dying.

[Hank]

How many life points do you have?

[Big Cat]

I. More than enough.

[Hank]

Mr. Tim. How many life.

[PFT]

He's down by 22, it looks like to you. 22 out of 59.

[Hank]

Yeah. We'll res the boys. We're rescue boys.

[Greg]

My God. He's.

[PFT]

Who are you going to heal right now? The human barbarian is down by 22. Most other people are down by. By 17. Yeah. Everyone else is pretty much down by 17. All right. Yeah. Except for you. You're about to be unconscious.

[Big Cat]

Don't go unconscious.

[Hank]

So we'll do 17.

[PFT]

17. 17 and 22.

[Hank]

Okay. So we'll do.

[Greg]

He's going to try to dodge the heal.

[Hank]

Only one heals.

[PFT]

To be fair. Also point this out. You readied. And your most powerful healing spell would be the one that you can touch people with. Norm's down the stairs. Everybody else is upstairs with you. So. So technically it would be one of these three that you could heal with your most powerful spell. If you heal Norm, it's a weaker spell. In that case.

[Hank]

And you've got this spell on all the cobalts to make sure they don't pull up on. On the. On the team.

[PFT]

Right?

[Zach]

I do have that. But my. My birthday wish would be that you saved yourself.

[Hank]

And what? And what?

[PFT]

Sorry, do we have a second birthday?

[Zach]

No. I'm saying my. My birthday wish would be.

[Greg]

Hypothetical birthday wish.

[Hank]

How many heals? What you got? How many heels you got left for the team.

[PFT]

Bro?

[Big Cat]

I'm taking this dragon.

[PFT]

I think he used up all of his healing, Greg.

[Greg]

Plenty.

[Big Cat]

I'm taking this dragon out in the next turn. I'm gonna rage.

[Zach]

I actually don't want to beat the dragon. If we're getting artificially healed from you. It's like that's asterisks. Peds.

[Greg]

That's a Mickey Mouse dragon.

[Hank]

That's not a Mickey game.

[Zach]

It's a bubble dragon.

[Hank]

It can't be a bubble game.

[Zach]

Heal yourself.

[Big Cat]

Do it.

[Hank]

I. I'll heal. We gotta keep the spell up. So I'll heal you.

[PFT]

O. Absolutely. Final decision.

[Zach]

I don't want it.

[PFT]

Okay.

[Hank]

You don't want it?

[Big Cat]

No, No.

[Zach]

I don't want it.

[Hank]

Who's. Who's got the biggest swing to kill a dragon?

[Big Cat]

Ooh.

[PFT]

Arguably like Greg. Because paladins can smite with their spell slots.

[Hank]

Are you thinking about maybe doing that? Greg.

[PFT]

You can deal. 25 damage.

[Greg]

I have two total hit points. I only lost 17. I'm chilling.

[PFT]

Doing fine. Those fire resistant potions got us pretty.

[Zach]

I'm actually feeling pretty good. Being a little.

[Big Cat]

Thinking I might kill you if you don't heal yourself.

[Greg]

You'll kill me if you don't heal yourself.

[Hank]

You'll take me out the game?

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Hank]

Okay. All right. All right. I'll heal. I'll heal the big man.

[Big Cat]

No. I'm going to kill you if you don't heal yourself.

[PFT]

You could.

[Hank]

You could kill me on the team.

[Big Cat]

Yes. And you mean that I'm going to kill you.

[Hank]

You gave me the card, right?

[Big Cat]

I'm. No, I got the card. I have the card.

[Hank]

The five seconds. I didn't give it back.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, I did. I took it right back. We'll check the tapes. I took it back.

[Hank]

Or if you took it back, I will kill you.

[Big Cat]

I will kill you in the minute. You. You heal me, I will kill you.

[Zach]

What if you gave his. His lineage the Pokemon card?

[Big Cat]

Deal.

[Zach]

If he heals himself.

[Big Cat]

Deal.

[Hank]

Then can my lineage use the Pokemon card whenever?

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

Theory. Yeah.

[Hank]

Yeah. Okay. Well, we got to beat the dragon. So we'll heal the biggest 54 level.

[PFT]

So you're giving Norm the spell, Is that right?

[Hank]

I think. Nope. Would you defeat the dragon?

[Tim Woods]

Yeah.

[Hank]

Did you ever give us the info from earlier?

[PFT]

No.

[Zach]

Okay, that's fair, man. Left the door open.

[Hank]

All right, I'll go with the. And you said you only lost 17, right?

[Greg]

I only lost 17.

[PFT]

As someone who plays a cleric in my family game, this makes me very happy because it's like, yeah. Who was nice to me and who did what? Absolutely.

[Hank]

You only give me the card for five seconds, which is fine, but I appreciate looking at the card. We got to kill this dragon. So we'll go. Norm. No, wait. Okay, we'll go. You have the spell. We'll go.

[Big Cat]

Go.

[Hank]

We'll go. Ringo, wait.

[Greg]

Our best guys not getting it.

[Hank]

Doesn't he have enough to make it through the dragon? Dragon. 75%, right? Tim?

[PFT]

He is the closest. 75% dead. Yeah.

[Hank]

25%. So 25 points, probably.

[PFT]

If maybe.

[Hank]

I'm not good at math. I'm not good at math. How many points does his. His hit go? Like if he. If he hits out the dragon, he.

[PFT]

Hits the dragon for, like, around 12 to 16 each hit. And he gets two hits if we lose him. Dragon, Zodiac, Dragon.

[Big Cat]

I'm killing this dragon on the next tour.

[Hank]

Write you to kill a dragon.

[Big Cat]

I'm going to kill the dragon on the next hurt.

[Greg]

Those Cobalt are going to wake up and then we're up.

[Tim Woods]

I think we have to go several more times.

[Hank]

We take cobalt camera.

[PFT]

No. Is that. We take cobalt or. No, dead. Can you pick the.

[Hank]

We're taking them down, right? The cobalt.

[PFT]

I think the cobalts are pretty puny. It would be annoying if they break free of the spell, come after us.

[Big Cat]

But we shouldn't be healing. Just move on. Just Heal yourself and move on. Fine.

[Hank]

Okay, fine. We can do that.

[Tim Woods]

Thank Christ.

[PFT]

Heal yourself.

[Hank]

I'm going to heal, heal.

[Zach]

The most selfish player award goes to Zach.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Zach. If you're healing yourself, you need to get at least 14. Otherwise your healing is for not and you are still the healing spell and it used to heal 2d8 +3. So if you roll well, you could pull this off. You need to get 11 or higher. That's going to be over.

[Big Cat]

We need tea time.

[Hank]

He's here.

[PFT]

So 11 or higher on these. It's not enough.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, not going to get enough.

[PFT]

You all that one at a time for the drama. 100%.

[Hank]

How many numbers though? I mean, it's total.

[PFT]

You need essentially, since it's a plus three and you need a 14 or higher, you need to get a combined 11 on these two dice.

[Greg]

Wait, should we think this through?

[PFT]

Seven.

[Big Cat]

Seven. Seven. That's a great roll.

[PFT]

Okay. That's a great roll. You need to get.

[Tim Woods]

I can't.

[PFT]

Roll.

[Tim Woods]

This is fun. Let's stick around.

[Hank]

3.

[PFT]

After all of the debating, you try to heal yourself with your ready to action. You almost keep yourself standing, but the rate of attrition and DPS is higher than your rate of healing heals. And unfortunately they get you below your minimum healing and so you fall unconscious nonetheless.

[Zach]

It's crazy because, like if you had healed any of us, we probably would have beaten the dragon.

[Big Cat]

Right?

[PFT]

Live and die by the dice. Exactly right. 100. That was ironically the cruelest role I could have imagined, but also arguably the most entertaining role I could have imagined as well after all the debating. So Train Wind, I consider that a fantastic turn narratively, but you are unconscious. Now. Please roll me a D20 to see if you are slipping closer to death on your turn or slipping closer to life on your turn.

[Big Cat]

20.

[PFT]

Death would be a 1. If you get a 20, you actually wake up right now and you get a whole turn after all that. Totally according to the rules. A 20 he means. Yeah.

[Hank]

A 4.

[PFT]

Sorry to say. That means that Train Wind has failed one death saving throw. If you fail three death saving throws before you get healed, then you are dead for good. Train Wind, I'm sorry to say. So Train Wind, Amazing turn that is going to bring us to Greg's turn now. Absolutely.

[Greg]

Snakes are still around.

[PFT]

The snakes are still around and they are in melee with you. And Train Wind. It looks like one snake because they're animals and they're dumb. Is doing the thing where he's like, I should be attacking these other standing people. But this guy looks kind of delicious, and I might just munch on him while he's unconscious, in which case that would kill train wind. So if you go after the dragon, you'll provoke an attack of opportunity from at least one of the snakes, the snake right next to you.

[Greg]

Okay.

[PFT]

Or you could take down the snake instead and then do maybe a second attack against the dragon or something like that, because you get two attacks.

[Greg]

All right, I'm gonna go.

[PFT]

Go.

[Greg]

I'm gonna go for the snakes.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100. If you take out the snake, you might be able to go for the dragon for another A10.

[Greg]

A10.6.

[PFT]

That is enough to hit the snake for sure. Now the question is, do you want to burn up one of your smell slots to smite? If you just attack with your lance against the snake.

[Greg]

Two lances?

[PFT]

No, you have in theory, a multiple javelins, but just one lance. In theory, the lance is like the knight slightly like. Yeah, yeah. Like a jousting weapon.

[Hank]

Sure.

[PFT]

Cool. I think it's 1d10 plus 4 damage for the Lance.

[Greg]

Is that Lance plus plus 3?

[PFT]

Plus 3.

[Greg]

1D10 plus 3. 1d1d12 plus 3.

[PFT]

Oh, 1d12. My bad. I forgot. It goes up to that Now. So a D12 plus 3 is probably your best weapon. However, if you smite with a spell slot, you get an extra 2d8. You don't know how many hit points this snake has, but. But you got plenty of smite still.

[Greg]

Let's smite. Let's smite.

[PFT]

Absolutely. Go ahead and roll. 2d8 plus 1d12.

[Greg]

4 and 2.

[PFT]

Okay, and is that all three of the dice you.

[Greg]

No, no, that is just the eight.

[PFT]

Which one's the.

[Greg]

And seven?

[PFT]

Six. Seven is 13 plus another three. You said to the D12. So you said. Sorry, 13 plus three, is that right? 16. 16 is enough to injure the fire snake but not kill him. I apologize. I should have let you know. You have. Could have done a higher level smite, though. Would you have done a second level smite, which would have been an extra D8 or a third level or. Sorry, you only have second level.

[Greg]

I only have second level. I'm holding on to my smite. Should I. I'm holding on to my smite.

[PFT]

You're holding on to your more powerful smite for the dragon, maybe 100%. So the snake is unfortunately still alive, hanging on with 6hp left. Do you want to attack him again or go after the dragon with your second and last attack?

[Greg]

I. I'm going to. I'm Going to let Norm finish the dragon. I'm killing the snake.

[PFT]

You kill the snake. 100%. Roll another damage D20 plus. I think you said like eight against this. It's whatever is plus six.

[Greg]

Absolutely 13.

[PFT]

13 plus six is enough. That your minimum dam? Well, yeah, because you deal a D12 plus three. Yes. He's got six left. Are you smiting on this one or I probably shouldn't.

[Greg]

Right. It's going to kill him anyway.

[PFT]

Probably going to kill him anyway. Roll me a D12 plus three just to make sure.

[Hank]

Eight.

[PFT]

Eight plus three is enough. With 11 damage, you take out one of the two fire snakes. There's one standing over train wind's body but you've kill right next to you. Parting the way to the dragon. You could end your turn charging down at the dragon. So the dragon is tangling with two people at least where you can just end your turn.

[Greg]

Let's do that.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Greg]

Now can I do a compel duel on the dragon to make him get.

[PFT]

An attack as a bonus action? You can do compel duel. The problem is all that does it doesn't give him a free attack. It means that the dragon gets disadvantaged attacking anyone except you. You're like you and me are fighting one on one. Do it. Absolutely. You do a compelled duel. Let's see if he's affected by it. Do you insult the dragon while doing it? This dragon's very proud.

[Greg]

Yeah. I just do this towards him.

[PFT]

Absolutely. 100%. He's going to roll with disadvantage then. Yes. And he immediately falls under the compelled duel. He will have to attack you and he doesn't necessarily get to do his breath weapon. I have to roll a D6 to see if he gets to do a breath weapon or not on his next turn. But if he can, he's going to be focusing that breath weapon on you. If he's clawing then and biting he's going to definitely do it against you because he has disadvantage against everyone else. Greg, amazing turn.

[Greg]

Thank you.

[PFT]

That's going to bring us to Norm's turn now. Norm, what Would you finish him off? Let's finish him off. You're right next to this dragon. He's got we think 25 health left. Are you going reckless on this attack? Yes, absolutely.

[Big Cat]

Roll two times. Let's go, boys.

[PFT]

The drums, drums in the deep.

[Big Cat]

All right, here go we we go five.

[PFT]

Oh, not a hit. You get two on this attack.

[Big Cat]

16.

[PFT]

16 plus your attack bonus is easily enough to hit for one D12 plus eight damage. Okay, so what on D12 the D12 plus eight. He's got 25 left.

[Big Cat]

Five.

[PFT]

Five plus eight is 13. With 13, he is down to 12 HP left. If you hit him again, he's almost definitely dead.

[Big Cat]

Let's hit him again.

[Greg]

Let the birthday boy kill the dragon.

[Big Cat]

You want to roll?

[Zach]

Sure.

[Big Cat]

All right.

[PFT]

Roll, birthday boy. Now hold on. Are you. Is he rolling your attack?

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[PFT]

This is highly unconventional. I'm going to allow this for the birthday boy. 100%.

[Big Cat]

5.

[PFT]

Advantage. He has advantage. If you're rolling for norm right now.

[Big Cat]

15.

[PFT]

15. Now, I'm going to ask you right now, Erlich, since you're the one who has control over this attack, do you want it to be a hit or do you want that to turn into a miss instead?

[Tim Woods]

What do you think, Zach?

[Hank]

I think you take out the dragon. Right. What you think?

[Tim Woods]

Pft. Should we. What. What are the options here?

[Zach]

Well, you could either hit the dragon or you could miss the dragon. I think there might be some advantages to missing the dragon, though.

[Greg]

Yeah. There has to be some sort of hidden perk.

[Hank]

True.

[Tim Woods]

Let's attack the driver.

[PFT]

Absolutely would. I feel like there was a weight between betrayal and, like, wanting to play golf. So I. I'm very much liking the moral.

[Tim Woods]

Golfers. I would have had to. I. It's too late now.

[PFT]

That is a hit. All you need to get on the D12 to kill this dragon is a 4 or higher. So us. 10. 10. 100% easy now. The dragon is slain. Congratulations. Zach is unconscious. Would we then try to save Zach after he killed the dragon or he didn't heal anybody. Absolutely. The only person he did Heal was himself. 100. No one's bringing train wind back at the end of the battle. So it sounds like four of us successfully defeated the dragon and are claiming the treasure and splitting it four ways. Is that right?

[Zach]

Yeah.

[PFT]

I will also just say, and this is a moment of truth, Hank, the imp in front of everyone turns to you, the imp that was on Norm's shoulder, and goes, what are we doing? And you have an option. You can either use the symptom, betray everyone, because as I told you, this imp is secretly on your side as your birthday gift, or you can betray this imp in turn and save your teammates from the imp. No.

[Tim Woods]

These guys always have my back. They always have my best interest in mind. I'm going to. I'm going to save my teammates.

[PFT]

And the best part is they would.

[Tim Woods]

Look out for me when I. When I needed it.

[PFT]

And imps do this to each other all the time. And don't Think I didn't have up my sleeve? The possibility of this imp, even after I told you for your birthday aside that this imp was going to be on your team, the imp might, if you took its side, have whispered bing bong into your ear and betrayed you potentially. So you did the right move. You went with your teammates. Imps betray each other all the time. He goes, damn it, I should have known. And you use your imp to kill the enemy imp.

[Big Cat]

Let's go.

[PFT]

The kobolds are under our control. The dragon is slain. The imp is dead. And the fire Fire. The last fire snake slithers back into the lava. Congratulations. The adventure. The dragon of Mount Speartop. And I have to eat my words because we did accomplish the adventure. And all those 274awls I told. I didn't. I didn't know if you would do it or not.

[Zach]

And just for the record, the amp, the bing bong imp, he's dead now. So his wife is single.

[PFT]

Oh yes. Okay. Kind of a well known actress.

[Zach]

Do we know where she is, where she lives?

[PFT]

You could certainly try to find her. You do know where she lives.

[Zach]

Okay, we'll do that later. But I think for the record, I think the important thing about today is we went out as a, as a foursome and we had a great time for about four hours.

[Greg]

That's right.

[Zach]

And what else can you ask for?

[Big Cat]

Right?

[Greg]

Right.

[Big Cat]

All right, real quick, before we end, rollback question. Rhobac.com promo code. Take 20% off your first purchase. Q, zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Tim, you're the best. Where can people find you to sign up for a game?

[PFT]

Absolutely. If you go to Tim woods.com that's Tim with two M's. Woods.com that's where you can book with me. Got my T shirts on there. And I will kind of be doing a little bit of a tour this summer. I'm going to be next week in Columbus, Ohio for a convention. I'm going to be in Orlando. Shout out to my Orlando group who pants each other's and measures each other's dicks in game just to be clear. Also shout out to the rock hard Doom Raiders. Honestly that shout out covers about six different groups right there so you all can get credit for that 100. So I'll be in Orlando for about a month and then beginning of August I will be in Indianapolis for Gen Con. So please, I'll be running games there. If you're going to be at Gen Con or if you're not and want to go to Indianapolis. I'm going to be at that convention, so see you there.

[Big Cat]

All right. Thank you so much, Tim. We love you.

[PFT]

Absolutely.

[Big Cat]

Okay, that was Dungeons and Dragons reminder. Wednesday we have a show long show and the no show Friday for the Fourth of July.

[PFT]

Numbers three.

[Zach]

I was laughing.

[Big Cat]

Oh, that was Zach, right?

[Tim Woods]

Yeah.

[Zach]

99.

[Big Cat]

6. Show Wednesday, long show Wednesday, no show Friday.

[Hank]

11.

[PFT]

You said it so smooth.

[Big Cat]

What did you say? Memes.

[Hank]

I'm gonna go 21 because Shane's under. I'm taking his number.

[Big Cat]

All right, I'll go Vulture. 52. Say your numbers again. 3.

[PFT]

3.

[Big Cat]

3.

[PFT]

3 3.

[Tim Woods]

Come on.

[Big Cat]

What were you saying?

[Hank]

11.

[Big Cat]

One time. 11.

[PFT]

Come on.

[Big Cat]

11. Come on, Zach. 83. 83.

[Tim Woods]

I was gonna pick 83 too.

[Zach]

Love you guys.