Podcast Title: Parenting Neurodivergent Humans
Episode: Neurodivergence & Romantic Relationships
Hosts: Dr. Morgan Vitalman and Brianne Colpitz Ed.S
Release Date: February 11, 2025
Description: Dr. Morgan Beidleman and Brianne Colpitts address questions and societal misconceptions about neurodivergent parenting, delving into topics like romantic relationships, parenting culture, and personal anecdotes.

1. Introduction to Neurodivergence in Romantic Relationships

As Valentine's Day approaches, Dr. Morgan Vitalman and Brianne Colpitz open the discussion on the complexities of neurodivergent individuals navigating romantic relationships. They emphasize that while parenting romantic interests is a universal challenge, supporting neurodivergent children introduces additional nuances.

Dr. Morgan Vitalman [00:00]:
"...helping our neurodivergent kiddos on their journey can just be a little bit nuanced and a little bit layered and it can also be super cute..."

2. Challenging Societal Misconceptions

The hosts highlight pervasive societal biases that undermine the romantic interests and capabilities of neurodivergent individuals. They reference the SSI marriage penalty, illustrating how societal and legal frameworks still erroneously perceive disabled individuals as disinterested or incapable of romantic relationships.

Brianne Colpitz [01:08]:
"Until quite recently, common teaching was that neurodivergent people and people with other disabilities were not interested in or even capable of romantic interest or relationships..."

Dr. Morgan Vitalman [03:07]:
"...because there can be some bias that comes into our own role as parents, as educators, etc., when we're around younger people..."

3. Understanding the Spiky (Star) Profile

Dr. Vitalman introduces the concept of the spiky, or as she prefers, star profile. This model illustrates how neurodivergent individuals often exhibit areas of exceptional skill alongside areas that are underdeveloped. This asymmetry can lead to simultaneous strengths and challenges in various aspects of life, including relationships.

Dr. Morgan Vitalman [04:24]:
"If you take the idea of spikes, but you put it into the shape of a star, you have points that are higher and more out there, and then you have ones that are more rescinded or sucked in..."

Brianne Colpitz [05:52]:
"...that's like, wait, I thought we had tying shoes mastered, but now you need help with it today. And it's like, yeah, that's legit."

4. Navigating Romantic Relationships as Neurodivergent Individuals

The discussion delves into the unique challenges neurodivergent individuals face in romantic relationships. Topics include:

• Decoding Feelings: Understanding the difference between platonic admiration and romantic interest can be particularly challenging.

  Brianne Colpitz [06:17]:
  "Neurodivergent relationships might look different than a stereotypical neurotypical relationship, or they might not, and both are fine..."

• Mismatch of Intensity: Neurodivergent individuals may experience hyperfixation or heightened emotional responses, leading to confusion about their true feelings.

  Dr. Morgan Vitalman [07:52]:
  "There can be some bias that comes into our own role as parents..."

• Sensory and Personal Space Needs: Differences in sensory processing can impact shared activities and personal space management within relationships.

  Brianne Colpitz [10:38]:
  "Maybe you sleep in separate beds. Experiment and figure out what works for you..."

5. Effective Communication in Relationships

Effective and clear communication is paramount. The hosts stress the importance of expressing personal needs and boundaries to prevent misunderstandings.

Dr. Morgan Vitalman [13:37]:
"In the void, in the absence of communication, people will fill it in and make up our own story..."

They advocate for authenticity in expressing feelings, suggesting personalized and sincere ways to communicate discomfort or boundaries without placing blame.

Dr. Morgan Vitalman [14:17]:
"It's not you, it's me... if I wanted to be smothered by anybody, it would be you."

6. Identifying Healthy Relationship Indicators: Green and Red Flags

The hosts introduce the concepts of green flags (positive indicators of a healthy relationship) and red flags (warning signs). They emphasize teaching these concepts to neurodivergent individuals to help them assess the health and compatibility of their relationships.

Brianne Colpitz [19:24]:
"Teaching our kids about a third reality, that maybe the person is great, but they are just not a fit for you anymore..."

Green flags include emotional awareness, supportiveness, mutual trust, and the ability to be oneself. Red flags encompass dismissiveness, aggression, jealousy, and isolating behaviors.

7. Evolving Through Relationship Phases

Relationships often undergo various phases, especially during formative years like middle school through the mid-20s. The hosts discuss the importance of understanding that relationships can be seasonal, serving as opportunities for personal growth and learning, rather than lifelong commitments.

Dr. Morgan Vitalman [25:16]:
"...there is a whole season of our lives... relationships do typically end and that it's not a bad thing..."

They caution against an all-or-nothing mindset, acknowledging that relationships may end not due to fault but because individuals are evolving.

Brianne Colpitz [27:08]:
"...if you're wired with a very kind of all or nothing thinking type of wiring... it can be hard to accept the nuance to even know it exists..."

8. Supporting Neurodivergent Kids in Relationships

Practical advice is provided for parents to support their neurodivergent children:

• Encourage Open Communication: Ask questions and provide a safe space for children to express their feelings and experiences.

  Dr. Morgan Vitalman [15:22]:
  "It's lighthearted, it's authentic to them and it's communicated with care and love..."

• Respect Individual Needs: Recognize and accommodate unique sensory and personal space requirements within relationships.

• Educate on Relationship Dynamics: Teach about healthy boundaries, effective communication, and the fluid nature of relationships.

9. Conclusion and Future Topics

The episode concludes with a teaser for the next installment, which will explore the intersection of neurodivergence and gender, specifically focusing on girls and women. The hosts encourage listeners to subscribe, engage with their communities on Instagram and YouTube, and submit questions or topics for future episodes.

Dr. Morgan Vitalman [29:01]:
"This next episode is going to be specifically on the intersection or crossing over of women and neurodivergence..."

Brianne Colpitz [30:11]:
"If you are a good fit for what we're talking about for a good fit for you, if we are vibing, then join our communities..."

Key Takeaways

• Challenge Societal Biases: Recognize and confront ingrained misconceptions about neurodivergent individuals' capacity for romantic relationships.

• Embrace the Spiky Profile: Understand that neurodivergent individuals may exhibit a mix of strengths and challenges, influencing their relationship dynamics.

• Prioritize Communication: Foster open, sincere communication to navigate misunderstandings and establish healthy boundaries.

• Identify Relationship Health: Utilize green and red flags to assess relationship compatibility and well-being.

• Acknowledge Relationship Seasons: Accept that relationships can evolve and end as individuals grow and change.

• Support Neurodivergent Youth: Provide tailored support and education to help neurodivergent children navigate their romantic endeavors confidently.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Morgan Vitalman [00:00]:
  "...it can also be super cute."

• Brianne Colpitz [06:16]:
  "Navigating when sharing space with somebody..."

• Dr. Morgan Vitalman [13:37]:
  "In the absence of communication, people will make up their own story..."

• Brianne Colpitz [19:24]:
  "...there is no exact recipe for a successful relationship..."

This episode provides invaluable insights for parents and neurodivergent individuals alike, offering strategies to foster healthy, understanding, and fulfilling romantic relationships amidst the unique challenges of neurodivergence.