Dr. Deepika Chopra (38:31)
And you bring up another sort of buzzword and that's affirmations. And I think most people, the way they use affirmations are they use generic blanket statement affirmations. We've all heard many of them. I am capable, I am strong, I am lovable, whatever those are. We have these affirmations that we're told that are really powerful and affirmations, because thoughts are powerful and beliefs are powerful, they do work. But there is a big caveat with it that I think we overlook. So first of all, research shows us that affirmations actually don't work, for the most part, for the people that really, truly need them. And if you're someone that believe, you know where I think blanket statement, generic affirmations do work. They work most always with children. Because kids have not yet racked up years and years of experiences and interpretations of situations that have now cemented into core beliefs or really hard, rigid beliefs about stuff. Like, they don't have that in them. They're so much more malleable and flexible, and everything's an opening. And so I think a generic affirmation that's a positive affirmation is great for kids. And then over time, as we grow up and we have our own experiences and appraisers, all the situations that we go through, and we start collecting them as evidence. I'm a big believer that the brain is constantly collecting evidence. We're like detectives. And the more we do this, first of all, we make a belief, and then from that, our brain loves to collect more evidence to make something we believe even more true. And so then that belief has become further cemented. And we just go through life because we're tuned into that radio station constantly and quickly seeking out ever more evidence to make whatever that belief is more and more true until it becomes a core belief. And this process over time just becomes automatic because again, it's part of our brain sufficiency. And sometimes that can be a good thing, and a lot of times that can be a detrimental thing. And so when you tell someone that has collected enough evidence and has cemented a belief strongly enough over 40 years, 30 years, even 20 years, that they believe something like I am unlovable. And then you tell them to just look in front of the mirror and say, I am lovable, deserving, I'm a deserving of love person. I'm lovable three times before bed and three times when they wake up, that is the place where it can become not just not useful, but actually detrimental. Because now your brain starts to resurface and almost a opening a file in a computer, it clicks on the file of I am unlovable. And it starts. All the other files within it and documents start populating of all the reasons why you are not lovable and the reasons why you do believe that belief. And how silly of you to ever think that you would say this statement. That is the complete opposite. And now not only do you further believe what you believe, but you also feel shame and guilt and a real dip in confidence for even saying that other thing out loud. And so it can be very Detrimental to people that are really holding this self limiting belief that need it the most. And so I have come up with something that I call the 710 rule. And I really believe in measurable, quantitative ways to work within these constructs and these tools. I come from a cognitive behavioral background, so I love things that are measurable and I love rating things. And I would say if you 10 being, you believe it the most, it's so true for you, zero being, you believe it the least, it's not true at all. If you can rate an affirmation, a positive affirmation, 7 out of 10 in believability, then it is a affirmation I think would be really helpful to use and go seek out more affirmations like that. And you will if you start repeating those. That's how the brain works. But if it is under 7 out of 10, then we need to come up with different affirmations that are similar and in the same realm, in the same direction, but not that affirmation and that you actually believe it's 7 out of 10 so that it can be useful to you. And once you find out what those are. So in that example, if the person's really wanted to use the affirmation of I am lovable, that they believe it like 2, 1, even 0, then we want to start asking them like, what is one thing that you do like about yourself? Just one thing. And sometimes it's hard for people to come up with, but for the most part, after some probing, you can get someone to at least say one thing that they like about themselves. And maybe it's I'm a good friend, or I really like the way that I cook, or I like that I'm reliable, you know, whatever that is, or I think I'm kind, or whatever that one thing is, they pick one thing that they like about themselves. We rate that. If that makes the cut of 7 out of 10, we use that as the affirmation. And you say that enough times, the way the brain works is it seeks out more evidence and proof to add to that, to make it more true. And then you have this like bubble of within a couple weeks, maybe three to five more believable affirmations that are like that. And over time, maybe in a couple months you might not be able to yet say I'm a lovable person, but you certainly have enough evidence to go against your initial belief of I am not lovable and I am not deserving of love from people. And so you want to slowly start softening and Chipping away at the negative self belief without doing a driving down the highway 150 miles per hour and asking someone to make a turn in the other direction, crash and burn.