← Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Is Your Wellness Routine Backfiring? Meet the Absorption Gap w/ John R. Miles | EP 468
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- [00:00]
Sleep Number Representative
Why choose a Sleep Number Smart bed?
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Shopify Representative
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John R. Miles
Can I make my site firmer?
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Can we sleep cooler?
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Sleep Number Representative
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- [00:30]
Philippa Hsu
Searching for a romantic summer getaway? Escape with Rich Girl Summer, the new audible original from Lily Chiu the exquisitely talented Philippa Hsu. Returning to narrate her fifth Lily Chu title. This time Philippa is joined by her real life husband, Steven Pasquale. Set in Toronto's wealthy cottage country, AKA the Hamptons of Canada, Rich Girl Summer follows the story of Valerie, a down on her luck event planner posing as a socialite's long lost daughter while piecing together the secrets surrounding a mysterious family and falling deeper and deeper in love with the impossibly hard to read and infuriatingly handsome family assistant, Nico. Caught between pretending to belong and unexpectedly finding where she truly fits in, Valerie learns her summer is about to get far more complicated than she ever planned. She's in over her head and head over heels. Listen to Rich Girl Summer now on audible. Go to audible.com richgirlsommar Coming up next.
- [01:25]
John R. Miles
On Passion Struck, a Buddhist master once said, you cannot pour new wine into a cracked vessel, no matter how nourishing the wine. If the vessel leaks, the essence is lost. Now picture your wellness routine. You eat well, you sleep, you even meditate. But the fatigue won't lift, the focus doesn't last, the peace never quite arrives. What if the problem isn't what you're doing, but whether your system can actually absorb it? And what if the answer has nothing to do with effort and everything to do with four hidden filters in your body and brain? One of them might be sabotaging your progress and you probably don't even know it exists. That's where we're going. Let's get into it.
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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show. I offer advice and answer listener questions. On Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, veterans, visionaries and athletes. Now let's go out there and become Passion Struck.
- [02:51]
Welcome to episode 648 of Passion Struck podcast that ignites change from the inside out so you can live with greater intention, purpose and power. I'm your host John Miles and today we're continuing our August series Reclaiming Wellness, A New Framework for Healing from the Inside Out. Last week I kicked things off with a solo episode on the Wellness Gap, that quiet space between what your life looks like on the outside and how it actually feels on the inside. We explored why so many of us are doing everything right and still feel off. This week we take that next step in that journey. We started the week off with two of the world's leading voices on how your biology shapes your energy, clarity and resilience. On Tuesday, I spoke with Dr. Drew Ramsey, who shared how nutrient driven brain support only only works if your body can use the nutrients in the first place. Then on Thursday, Dr. Erica Schwartz explained how hormone imbalance, often silent, undermines recovery mood and energy. You've likely heard phrases like you are what you eat, your body is a temple. But what if you've been focusing on the quality of what you put in and ignoring the condition of what you actually receive? Today we begin with a simple story. An ancient Stoic philosophy. Epictetus said wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants. When he wrote this, it wasn't about denying needs, it was about the capacity to be satisfied. In wellness, this matters. You can eat rich food, build muscle, sleep deeply, but if your body isn't in the right state, it might simply let it pass through. We're not here to judge. We're here to ask one essential what if your drive to do what's healthy is running into filters you didn't even know existed? In today's episode, I'm going to explore that hidden barrier. Not the question of can I be healthier, but can my body actually receive it? By the end, you'll understand why wellness routines can tank not from lack of effort, but because your body simply can't integrate what you're doing. Let's begin our journey by pulling back the curtain on what's actually getting in the way and how to rebuild it from the inside out. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to Creating an intentional life. Now let that journey begin. A few years ago, on a long haul flight, I found myself rewatching the Martian. There's this early scene, maybe you remember it. Matt Damon's character, Mark Watney, has just realized he's stranded on Mars. To survive, he begins the improbable task of growing food in a place never meant to support life. He creates water from rocket fuel, splitting hydrazine into hydrogen, igniting it with oxygen, and producing just enough moisture to keep him alive. He mixes in fertilizer, begins to moisten the planet's dry, lifeless soil. Technically, everything should work. He's adding all the right inputs, but still, you can feel the tension. Will this barren environment support life? That moment stuck with me. Not because I was fascinated with Martian agriculture, but because I was living through a version of that myself. Back then, my life was meticulously optimized. Lean eating, structured sleep, intense workouts, breathwork, mindfulness, biohacking. On paper, I was doing everything right. If there was a checklist for feeling better, I had dutifully checked every box. And yet, I wasn't thriving. Not even close. My energy was flat, my mind foggy, my motivation gone. I wasn't burnt out. I was empty. Like all the effort I was pouring in was sliding off the surface. Later, I came across a concept from soil science that gave language to what I was feeling. Hydrophobic soil. When soil becomes damaged through drought, erosion, overuse, it can lose its ability to absorb water. You can flood it with nutrients, but without the right structure, it repels what it's given. And that was me. The problem wasn't what I was doing, it was the system couldn't receive it. In wellness and self improvement circles, the obsession is always with inputs. Eat cleaner, sleep deeper, exercise harder, hydrate more, supplement smarter. I'm sure you've heard all of them if you follow social media or podcasting in any manner. The assumption behind all of this is straightforward. If I provide my body and mind with optimal fuel, they will respond optimally. But the premise has a blind spot. It presumes our systems are inherently prepared to receive and utilize what we give them. Yet the stark truth is this. We don't thrive simply based on what we consume or the actions we take. We thrive based on what we actually absorb and integrate. That subtle difference is the invisible factor behind so many modern struggles. I call this phenomenon the absorption gap. It's a silent distance between the effort you invest and the effect you experience. It's the hidden barrier between giving your system nourishment and your system's actual ability to use that nourishment. This is why someone can follow every rule. Expensive supplements, disciplined exercise, cutting edge hormone therapies, and still feel profoundly empty. It explains why insights from therapy sessions or mindfulness retreats were found in the moment, fade rapidly and change nothing. It's why your best efforts to boost energy, restore clarity, or reignite motivation often seem fruitless. Because nothing can truly nourish you if it doesn't land. Consider biology. Chronic stress fundamentally reshapes your gut function. When your body senses persistent threat, digestion becomes a low priority, hindering nutrient absorption. Chronic inflammation inflames intestinal linings, sabotaging absorption even further. Hormonal imbalances scramble how your body processes and distributes critical nutrients. Neurologically, it's the same story under stress. The brain shifts into survival mode. Memory formation falters, emotional flexibility shrinks, insight evaporates. Psychologically too. Our environment shapes absorption. In cultures obsessed with performative wellness, where appearance matters more than authenticity, our sense of safety erodes. When we feel unsafe, emotional regulation fails, healing stalls, and insight slips away. All of this forces a radical reframe. The fundamental question to ask isn't what else should I be doing? But rather, what's preventing me from absorbing what I'm already doing? Here's the paradox most of us miss. We assume that doing more will get us further, that healing is a formula. Add enough green smoothies, cold plunges, supplements and mindfulness minutes, and eventually the equation balances. But healing isn't arithmetic. It's ecological. And ecosystems don't respond to force. They respond to conditions. The more we push to feel better, the more we often reinforce the stress and rigidity that prevent us from getting there. It's like trying to fix hydrophobic soil by dumping more water on it. The effort is real, but the structure isn't ready to receive. So the real work isn't more input, it's better conditions. So safety, space, stillness, permission. That's what allows all the effort, the therapy, the breathwork, the nutrition to finally land. Because transformation doesn't happen through force. It happens through receptivity. And that brings us to the heart of it. If absorption is what matters most, then we have to understand what blocks it. You can think of these as checkpoints, gateways that every form of healing, insight or nourishment must pass through. If even one is blocked, progress stalls. And most of the time, we don't even realize it's happening. There are four key filters that govern what actually gets absorbed and what doesn't. First, biological Second, neurological, third, cognitive, and fourth, emotional. Let's walk through each one and see how they might be silently shaping everything you're trying to do for your well being. First, there's the biological filter. A nutritionist friend once told me, you aren't what you eat, John. You're what your body actually absorbs. And she's right. Chronic inflammation, hormone imbalances, or compromised gut health all create invisible barriers. Nutrients can be flooding into your system. But if your cells aren't receptive, nothing sticks. This isn't hypothetical. We have mountains of evidence now that chronic inflammation makes gut walls permeable, leaky, porous. Your body ends up pushing nutrients away instead of drawing them in. Hormones, especially stress hormones like cortisol, scramble your cell signals. You're pouring water onto dry, cracked ground and watching it run off rather than sink in. You are not just what you consume, you're what your cells actually use. Second, there's the neurological filter. Our nervous systems have two fundamental fight or flight and rest and digest. When you're calm and safe, your body prioritizes digestion, recovery and emotional integration. But when you're chronically stressed, your system locks in flight or flight. Digestion slows, repair stops. Emotions go unprocessed. When I spoke with Dr. Drew Ramsey earlier this week, he offered a powerful perspective on why our nervous systems struggle to shift into healing mode. Ramsey explained that when your brain is constantly sensing threat, whether real or perceived, it reorganizes its priorities. Your vagus nerve, what Ramsey calls your body's neurological brake pedal, stops signaling your gut and organs that it's safe to relax and heal. Your body, Ramsey told me, is designed to protect you first and nourish you second. You can't digest a meal or a new insight if your system believes it's running from a tiger. Even if the tiger is just your inbox or social media, the this insight from Ramsey underscores a critical reality. Until you create conditions that signal safety to your nervous system, your breathing exercises, mindfulness, deep connection, or even the foods you choose, wellness stays locked out. Your body stops absorbing it because it believes survival, not growth or healing, is the priority. Until you address your nervous system state, the best wellness practices in the world can't fully land. And that brings us to the the third filter, the cognitive filter. Right now, the average person spends hours per day consuming information, yet most of it washes away without leaving a trace. Why? Because the human brain isn't designed for constant input. True insight. Real learning requires space. It needs downtime and rest. Neuroscientists call this neuroplasticity, your brain's remarkable ability to rewire itself. But plasticity doesn't happen during frantic multitasking or endless scrolling. It happens during sleep, quiet reflection, and focused attention. A cognitive filter explains why you can spend an hour listening to brilliant advice, but unless you pause afterward, your brain skips the insight without metabolizing it. It never lands. And this brings us to the fourth filter, the emotional and relational filter. Wellness doesn't exist in isolation. Human beings evolved as social creatures, and our emotional health hinges profoundly on relationships. It's why emotional healing and growth never happen in spaces where you feel unsafe or judged. Dr. Amy Edmondson coined the term psychological safety. The feeling of being genuinely seen and valued isn't just a nice to have, it's essential. Without it, your nervous system stays in defense mode and emotional absorption stalls. If your relationships or environment constantly reactivate your survival instincts, healing can occur. See, you don't regulate your emotions alone. You regulate them together with others. That's because healing is always relational. Each of these four filters, biological, neurological, cognitive, and emotional is distinct. But in practice, it turns out they're deeply interconnected. You can't truly absorb wellness by fixing just one. A perfect diet won't help if your nervous system is stuck in chronic stress. Meditating twice a day won't fully land if you spend every hour overwhelmed by screens. A great therapist can't help you thrive emotionally if you return daily to a toxic environment. And that's the bigger point. Absorption isn't a checklist. It's a system, a living system. And when that system can't receive what you give it, when the effort doesn't land, the impact isn't just physical, it's personal. Because when your inputs don't lead to outcomes, you don't just feel tired. You feel like you're failing. You start to question your capacity, your worth, your hope. You begin to wonder if none of this is working. Maybe I'm the problem. That's the hidden cost of the absorption gap. It doesn't just drain your energy. It erodes your belief that you can change, that you matter, that what you're doing counts. But the truth is, you're not broken. Your system just needs restoration. And that brings us to the healing shift, which I'll get into after this short break from our sponsors. Welcome back. If there's one thing the absorption gap teaches us, it's this. You don't heal by pushing harder. You heal by helping your system receive. That's the shift. Because absorption isn't random. It's not a mystery. It moves through real pathways in the body and mind. We've already talked about the four key biological, neurological, cognitive and emotional. But now we need to return to them from a different angle. This time the question is, where is your system blocked? And how do you help it open? Let me bring this back to something personal, because maybe you've been there too. You're doing everything you're supposed to. The workouts, the clean meals, the supplements, the sleep routine, the early mornings. And still you feel off. You're flat, foggy, frustrated. That was me a number of years ago. I was training over eight hours a week, eating clean, intermittent fasting, taking high quality supplements, doing detoxes, up every day at 5am from the outside, it looked like peak discipline. But here's what no one saw. My energy was crashing. My cholesterol was rising, my weight was creeping up. And despite all my effort, nothing was working. It didn't make any sense to me. If health was just about doing the right things, I was doing all of them, times 10. But the problem wasn't my effort. It wasn't even discipline. It was absorption. I was pouring everything I had into a system that couldn't receive it. And I didn't know it at the time. But the issue wasn't just food or stress or sleep. It was everything working against itself. I was living out the absorption gap. And what I realized only in hindsight is that all four filters were blocked. Let me walk you through them, through my personal story. Maybe some of this will sound familiar to you. Biologically, I was eating what looked like the right foods, but they weren't right for me. I was fasting in a way that threw off my blood sugar, training early in the morning when my cortisol was already high. My gut wasn't inflamed, the clinical sense, but it was strained. And I ignored those low grade signals. What I learned is your biology doesn't follow your checklist. It follows your rhythm. And if you fight that rhythm long enough, it pushes back. Neurologically, I was stuck in go mode. Even when I wasn't working, I was wired. Always thinking, planning, optimizing, resting, but never relaxing. And here's something I've had to learn the hard way. Your nervous system doesn't care how committed you are, but only listens to your cues and mine. We're telling it to stay on alert. Cognitively, I was consuming information constantly. Podcasts, books, articles, expert advice. But I wasn't integrating any of it. I was learning, but not changing. Insight without space I found out, is just noise. I didn't need more content. I needed a pause. I needed to sit with what I already knew. Emotionally, I was performing wellness. I didn't want to admit I felt off. Fact is, I host an alternative health podcast, and if anyone is supposed to have this figured out, it's me. So I kept the mask on, kept pushing forward instead of slowing down. And eventually the cost of that performance became too heavy to carry. Because you can't fake absorption, you can't perform your way into peace. You have to feel your way into it. So I started making small shifts. I started to alternate the way I was doing my workouts, trying different workout routines and schedules. I slowed down my mornings, adjusted my meals to match my body's actual needs. I gave myself space. And I stopped treating healing as a productivity project. That's when things started to change. That's the healing shift. And if you're in that place right now, doing everything right but not feeling better, it might not be a failure of effort. It might just be time to ask, what is my system ready to receive? That question. It changed everything for me. So maybe you're listening and thinking, yes, this is me. The absorption gap is real. I see the filters. But now what? What do I actually do with this? First, take a breath. You don't have to change everything at once. This isn't about a total reboot. It's about identifying the one place your system is whispering, I'm full, but I'm not receiving. So let's walk you through the four filters. But this time it's not my story, it's yours. Which of these sounds like the doorway you need to open? First, let's discuss biological filters, how to match your rhythm, not the rules. If your body feels wired after workouts, tired after meals, or just off, no matter how clean you eat, this might be your entry point. Try this shift when you eat, not just what. Maybe trade one intense morning workout for a walk or a stretch. Perhaps keep a three day energy journal. Note what you ate, how you moved, and how you felt two hours later. And then ask yourself, is my plan serving my body, or is my body fighting to keep up with my plan? Because your biology isn't a machine, it's rhythm. And healing begins when you stop fighting the beat. Second, let's talk about neurological filters. And what I want to go into here is cueing safety, not just structure. If you're living in a low level hum of tension, always thinking, planning, reacting, this might be the gateway. You might be resting, but never Relaxing. So try this. Begin your morning with stillness. Two minutes, no phone. Switch your routine from a checklist to a ritual. Perhaps pause once a day and ask, do I feel safe in my body right now? And then ask yourself, am I starting my day in alignment or in defense? Because structure is helpful, but safety is essential. Which brings us to the third cognitive integrate. Don't just ingest. If you're reading, listening, learning constantly, but still feeling stuck, this is your filter. Insight without space is noise. So try this. For one week. Replace one podcast or article with five minutes of reflection. After consuming content, write a single sentence about what it opened, not what it taught, and go for a walk without inputs. Let your own thoughts rise and ask yourself, what if the next breakthrough doesn't come from more, but from less? Integration is absorption. Space is where meaning sticks. And lastly, there's the emotional filter. This is where we stop performing wellness. If you feel pressure to look fine even when you're not, if wellness has become another way you prove your worth, this might be your most powerful door. So try this. Let one person hear your truth this week. No filter, no fixing, just honesty. Let go of one wellness habit that's become performative. Replace it with something you actually crave, even if it's rest. And ask yourself, who am I doing this for? And what would change it were just for me? Because healing doesn't need a mask. It needs your presence. Now let's get to the real invitation. Because these aren't hacks. They're not rigid rules. They're invitations not to do more, but to listen more closely. What is my system ready to receive? That question is still changing my life. And maybe this week it can start changing yours. So I've gone through a lot today, and the fact is, you don't have to do all of this today. But if you're doing everything right and still not feeling better, it might not be because you're doing it wrong. It might be because your system isn't ready to absorb it yet. So ask yourself, which part of me feels the most blocked right now? And start there. One filter, one shift, one act of compassion. Because once your system opens, everything you've been doing finally has a place to land. So as we close today, I want to leave you with this. The absorption gap isn't a failure of effort. It's a signal that your system is asking for alignment. Not more input, just more readiness to receive. And maybe if you're honest with yourself, you already know exactly where to start. So pause. Notice which filter feels most closed and give yourself permission to begin there. Gently, patiently, intentionally. Because healing isn't something you force, it's something you allow. And next on the podcast, we're going deeper into that idea with a guest I've been looking forward to for a long time. I'll be joined by Wolfgang Linden, a powerful voice in the mind, body, space. And we're unpacking something that challenges how many of us try to solve our struggles. You can't think your way to wellness. If you've ever tried to mindset your way through burnout or logic your way out of pain or over explain emotions you haven't really felt, this next episode is for you. We'll explore why real change isn't just cognitive, it's felt. And how reconnecting with what you feel rather than what you should think can unlock the healing you've been searching for.
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Unknown Speaker
Every once in a while you will run into a dead end and the only solution is to try something you've never done before. Will you know ahead of time that's going to work? No, you do not. You have to take the risk. But given that everything else you've done so far hasn't worked, you have really no choice but to engage in the risk.
- [25:25]
John R. Miles
And.
- [25:27]
Unknown Speaker
With marital partners, you may have a number of relationships that just didn't work. And if you leave one behind, there's no guarantee that the next one is better. But there is a chance that it's better.
- [25:39]
John R. Miles
Make sure you're subscribed so you you don't miss it. Until then, thank you for being here. Thank you for choosing to live more intentionally. And remember you matter and what you do with that truth can change everything. Live life. Passion struck.
- [26:05]
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Philippa Hsu
Thanks.
- [26:17]
Shopify Representative
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