Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Episode 694: Jane Marie Chen on Letting Go and Becoming Your True Self

Date: November 25, 2025
Recorded Live at the Oxford Exchange, Tampa, FL

Episode Overview

This moving live episode of Passion Struck features entrepreneur and author Jane Marie Chen, whose innovations in infant healthcare have saved millions, but whose journey is ultimately about healing, surrender, and self-worth. With the backdrop of her acclaimed memoir, Like a Wave We Break, Jane Chen opens up about her childhood trauma, the burnout of mission-driven work, and her path back to self-compassion through practices like meditation, Internal Family Systems, and psychedelic therapy. Host John R. Miles guides the conversation through family history, societal belonging, healing modalities, and what it takes to truly meet yourself beyond achievement.

Key Discussion Points, Insights, and Memorable Quotes

1. The Metaphor of Waves and Wipeouts

Timestamp: 09:36–11:29

• Jane introduces her memoir with a surfing wipeout, using the experience as a metaphor for her life—energy building up, breaking, and the need to surrender to forces bigger than oneself.
  • "A wave breaking is energy reaching its end, just as I had reached my end." (Jane Chen, 09:48)
• Childhood memories blend warmth and pain, as Jane describes her father’s conditional affection—approval for academic success, severe punishment for perceived failures—which set the stage for her lifelong drive to achieve.

2. Immigrant Upbringing: Belonging and Loss

Timestamp: 12:12–16:55

• Jane’s family immigrated from Taiwan (then under martial law), chasing the American dream but confronted with isolation, loss, and microaggressions.
  • Father's heartbreak over seeing delicacies like fish heads discarded as trash, leading him to abandon fishing.
  • Mother’s efforts to share Taiwanese food met with rejection from neighbors, prompting withdrawal.
• Jane internalizes the message: her family’s “treasures” are seen as “trash,” shaping her need to adapt and her sense of otherness.
  • “In America, our treasure was considered trash.” (Jane Chen, 13:39)

3. The Pursuit of Achievement and Worth

Timestamp: 17:40–21:00

• Pressured to become “Dr. Chen” from an early age—reflecting her father’s unfulfilled ambitions—Jane both rebels and conforms, channeling herself into psychology and then a high-powered MBA.
  • She reflects, “I just poured myself into trying to be enough.” (Jane Chen, summarized from 15:29–17:52)
• Her work in HIV/AIDS advocacy in China planted the seeds of her purpose: helping the powerless.

4. Innovation with Empathy: The Embrace Incubator

Timestamp: 21:43–31:56

• At Stanford’s d.school, Jane and an interdisciplinary team developed a low-cost, non-electric baby warmer for preterm infants, inspired by stories of deadly gaps in care.
• The innovation came from outsider perspective and deep “empathy work” in the field.
  • “None of us had medical background. … And I think that was a real asset.” (Jane Chen, 25:39)
• Jane shares a powerful story of a rescued baby who survives thanks to Embrace and is later adopted and introduced to surfing by Jane years later in Hawaii.
  • “It was so surreal … 13 years earlier, holding him in my arms ... to now, he’s catching waves with me.” (30:54)

5. Burnout, Collapse, and Redefining Success

Timestamp: 31:56–39:44

• Despite global acclaim (praise from President Obama, funding from Beyoncé, media accolades), Jane “sacrificed everything”—working without rest, becoming isolated and burned out.
  • “Years my mantra was: Embrace first, me second. … It led to complete and utter burnout.” (Jane Chen, 31:56)
• The company’s fate mirrored her inner turmoil: failed partnerships, lost funding, and collapse.
  • “I just did not see a way forward at this point.” (Jane Chen, 35:17)

6. Surrender—The Turning Point

Timestamp: 36:43–39:44

• Jane describes her “shattering” on a plane, realizing she must let go—and decides to put as much work into healing as she did into her company.
• A chance encounter pairs her with Tony Robbins, whose team offers both investment and mentorship, nudging her into deep healing modalities.
  • “When that happened, magic started to happen in my life.” (Jane Chen, 37:26)

7. The Healing Journey: Meditation, Psychedelics, and Internal Work

Timestamp: 39:44–56:54

• Jane explores extreme healing: ten-day silent Vipassana retreats, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, and psychedelic-assisted therapy (notably MDMA for trauma), each deepening her understanding of her wounds.
  • “I put on my CEO hat and I was like, I’m going to heal the shit out of myself.” (Jane Chen, 37:37)
  • On MDMA: “Three sessions could get people off the PTSD scale ... It was actually incredibly helpful for me.” (Jane Chen, 42:03 & 42:50)
• She explains the science behind trauma (citing Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score): trauma resides in the limbic system, while talk therapy operates in the neocortex, which is why embodied and experiential practices (like psychedelics, parts work) can be transformative.

8. Understanding Trauma: Purpose and Shadow

Timestamp: 43:47–47:02

• Jane connects her drive to save powerless people to her own childhood powerlessness and trauma.
  • “My pain had become my purpose, but it was also my shadow.” (Jane Chen, 46:55)
• She describes the cyclical trap of seeking validation and worth through achievement—a pattern common among high achievers with early emotional wounds.

9. Compassion, Self-Worth, and Wholeness (IFS and Beyond)

Timestamp: 50:55–56:54

• Working with famed trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk, Jane experiences the healing power of being seen and understood by another, reinforcing that “healing happens in community.”
  • On IFS/parts work: "The whole goal is to thank the parts for the role they've played...and develop compassion for them." (Jane Chen, 52:43)
• She enacts “reparenting” exercises—ultimately realizing the only person who can truly give her “little girl” the love and assurance she needs is herself.
  • “Resilience is about self love and self compassion. … All the things we're looking for out there, they have to come from within.” (Jane Chen, 55:34)

10. Redefining Leadership, Letting Go, and What’s Next

Timestamp: 60:15–66:28

• Jane and John discuss healthy vs. unhealthy striving, highlighting how ego and trauma create controlling, fear-based leadership (“There are some traumatized people…in leadership roles in our country today.” – Jane Chen, 57:41).
• Jane’s new definition of success centers on living her values and growing, rather than outcomes or external validation.
  • “Am I living my values? … Am I giving to other people? … Those are all things we can control.” (Jane Chen, 60:34)
• As closure, Jane reads a poetic passage about discovering her enough-ness and coming home to herself:
  • “We are not the waves, but the sea itself… Healing is not about fixing ourselves. It’s about embracing who we are.” (Jane Chen, 62:05–64:45)

11. Q&A and Reflections

Timestamp: 66:28–74:55

• Jane is now focused on leadership coaching and developing free healing resources, intending to work more directly with children experiencing trauma.
• Audience questions prompt discussions on curriculum for younger people, how to support survivors of human trafficking (“It’s less about the words and more about that safe space you create.” – Jane Chen, 70:28), and Jane’s personal thoughts on motherhood and intimacy post-healing.

Notable Quotes (Speaker Attribution & Timestamps)

• “A wave breaking is energy reaching its end, just as I had reached my end.” —Jane Chen (09:48)
• “In America, our treasure was considered trash.” —Jane Chen (13:39)
• “My pain had become my purpose, but it was also my shadow.” —Jane Chen (46:55)
• “I’m going to heal the shit out of myself.” —Jane Chen (37:37)
• “We are not the waves, but the sea itself. … Healing is not about fixing ourselves. It’s about embracing who we are.” —Jane Chen (62:05–64:45)
• “Resilience is about self love and self compassion … All the things we’re looking for out there, they have to come from within.” —Jane Chen (55:34)
• “Burnout often shows up when we’ve built a life the world applauds, but our inner self can’t inhabit.” —John Miles, paraphrasing the episode’s core truth (75:16)
• "Our worthiness and sense of enoughness was tangled up in achievement." —Jane Chen (33:00/46:55)

Important Timestamps & Segments

• Surfing as Metaphor, Memoir Opening: 09:36–11:29
• Immigrant Stories and Belonging: 12:12–16:55
• Stanford, Design Thinking, Embrace Launch: 21:43–31:56
• Burnout and Crisis: 31:56–39:44
• Healing Modalities (Meditation, Psychedelics): 39:44–47:02
• Internal Family Systems & Compassion: 50:55–56:54
• Leadership, Surrender & Redefining Success: 60:15–66:28
• Audience Q&A: 66:28–74:55
• Book Closing Passage: 62:05–64:45

Episode Takeaways

• Trauma, even (and especially) when unacknowledged, profoundly shapes our motivations and self-worth.
• Healing often requires surrender, slowing down, and modalities that go beyond talk therapy.
• The parts of ourselves that try to protect us (overachiever, perfectionist, etc.) can be loved and thanked rather than vilified.
• True resilience means knowing you are “enough,” regardless of outer accolades or accomplishment.
• Real healing cannot happen in isolation—it needs compassionate presence, whether from a therapist, friend, or oneself.
• Letting go of ego and control is essential not only to personal healing, but also to effective, compassionate leadership.
• Every person’s worth is inherent, not earned—and helping children, and our own inner children, know this is world-changing work.

Resources Mentioned / Further Reading

• Like a Wave We Break by Jane Marie Chen
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
• No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz (IFS)
• Bittersweet by Susan Cain
• Big Feelings by Liz and Mollie
• Chatter by Ethan Kross

Closing Reflection

Jane Chen’s story is a testament to the radical act of meeting ourselves with compassion and letting go of achievement as the yardstick for worth. With warmth and hard-earned wisdom, she reminds us we are not the turbulent waves of our pain, but the oceanic, infinite self beneath.

For more content, reflection prompts, and frameworks connected to the ideas from this episode, visit theignitedlife.net.