Passion Struck with John R. Miles: Episode 632 Summary
Episode Title: Karen Salmanson on How to Live a Life You Would Die For
Release Date: July 3, 2025
Guest: Karen Salmanson, bestselling author and self-help expert
Podcast Description: Passion Struck delves into the mental, emotional, and energetic foundations of a meaningful life, going beyond productivity to explore intentional living and radical self-transformation.
Introduction
In Episode 632 of Passion Struck, host John R. Miles welcomes Karen Salmanson, a bestselling author and psychology-driven self-help expert, to discuss her upcoming book, You're To Die For Life: How to Maximize Joy and Minimize Regret Before Your Time Runs Out. This episode is part of the podcast’s new series, The Power to Change, which focuses on evolving not just habits but also identity, beliefs, and personal narratives.
Defining Moments and Career Transformation
Karen begins by sharing a pivotal moment in her life when she decided to leave her successful career in advertising to pursue her passions. Despite her parents' concerns, she trusted her inner self and wrote her first novel. This bold move led to her book being optioned for a movie by Marisa Tomei and Miramax.
“[00:02] Karen Salmanson: ...trusting my inner self and being brave and not listening to my parents or society, what you should do. It got rewarded, and here we are today.”
Breakthrough with Marisa Tomei and Miramax
Karen recounts the serendipitous journey of getting her novel noticed by Marisa Tomei. After her literary agent failed to sell the book to movies, Karen took matters into her own hands by personally sending her novel to Tomei. This act of faith resulted in Tomei expressing interest and ultimately bringing the project to Miramax.
“[06:30] Karen Salmanson: ...I saw that Marisa Tomei was performing at a theater here in New York... A couple months later, I was eating a bagel and some woman calls on the phone and says, hi, this is Marisa Tomei...”
Although the movie wasn’t greenlit, Karen emphasizes that taking bold actions has consistently propelled her career forward.
“[10:07] Karen Salmanson: ...each of my career moves have happened because of that.”
Writing: Fiction vs. Non-Fiction
John inquires about the differences Karen experiences in writing fiction versus nonfiction. Karen explains that passion drives the creation of fiction, making it easier when the inspiration is strong. In contrast, nonfiction writing requires a clear vision and discipline, which can lead to procrastination if the end goals aren’t well-defined.
“[11:00] Karen Salmanson: ...how much it's in your crawl and how much you can see the full vision of it. And also getting excited...”
Mortality Awareness and Urgency
A significant theme of the conversation revolves around the awareness of mortality and how it instills urgency to live meaningfully. Karen shares her personal wake-up call—the death of her father—which prompted her to prioritize starting a family and living authentically.
“[14:15] Karen Salmanson: ...my dad passed away, I realized that we don't have forever, that our lives...”
She introduces the concept of the To Die List, a transformative alternative to the traditional bucket list, focusing on actions that align with core values and meaningful living.
“[17:24] Karen Salmanson: ...a to die list, which is different than a bucket list and different than a to do list...”
Behavioral Science and Identity-Based Habits
Karen delves into the science behind her approach, emphasizing identity-based habits. By linking core values to daily actions, individuals can create sustainable change. For instance, adopting the identity of being "discerning" helped Karen make healthier food choices without feeling deprived.
“[29:08] Karen Salmanson: ...your identity is the puppet master of your habits, not the way around. So that's part of why I have the core value, the what I create. I am...”
Core Values and Company Culture Analogy
Drawing an analogy to corporate environments, Karen discusses how visible core values, like those at Lowe’s Home Improvement, foster a strong sense of identity and belonging. Conversely, lack of emphasized core values at Dell led to a weaker company culture. She relates this to personal life, suggesting that making core values prominent can significantly impact one's habits and overall fulfillment.
“[33:56] Karen Salmanson: The more you look at that word, the more you're aware that matters to me. That's why you write it down on your to die list...”
Overcoming the Integrity Slump
Addressing common obstacles to a fulfilling life, Karen introduces the concept of the Integrity Slump—times during the day when individuals revert to easy, impulsive decisions rather than sticking to their meaningful goals. She offers practical strategies, such as the Greater Than Sign, a tool to help prioritize long-term values over short-term impulses.
“[35:59] Karen Salmanson: ...you have to pause and it's about pausing. So there's speed bumps. You have to create speed bumps in your day to slow down...”
Evening Reflection and Reclaiming Authorship
Karen emphasizes the importance of nightly reflections to reclaim authorship of one's life. She proposes a balanced approach of stoic self-reflection and joyful self-congratulation, allowing individuals to learn from their day while celebrating their achievements.
“[40:26] Karen Salmanson: ...this is where you end your day thinking about, analyzing. And then the Oscar lens is where you talk to yourself about what you're grateful for and you celebrate the things and the people.”
Relationships and the Mattering Deficit
Highlighting the significance of relationships, Karen argues that deep, meaningful connections are essential for a fulfilling life. She critiques the superficiality of modern interactions, advocating for genuine, active listening and vulnerability to strengthen bonds.
“[42:12] Karen Salmanson: Active listening, really listening. Too many people talk...”
Karen ties this into the broader concept of the Mattering Deficit, a societal issue leading to loneliness and hopelessness, underscoring the need for authentic connections.
“[43:47] John R. Miles: ...we are facing a mattering deficit and the repercussions of it are loneliness, hopelessness...”
Forgiveness and Self-Compassion
In addressing self-forgiveness, Karen shares a poignant story about recognizing and altering negative self-narratives. She encourages embracing core values like bravery and curiosity to understand and overcome destructive patterns.
“[47:32] Karen Salmanson: ...you have to be brave. Embrace the core value of brave. Embrace the core value of curious...”
Final Thoughts and Book Message
Wrapping up the conversation, Karen summarizes her book’s core message: living a life of meaning and growth, rather than one solely focused on pleasure. She encourages readers to take actionable steps toward becoming their best selves, aligning daily habits with their core values.
“[50:41] Karen Salmanson: ...no matter what happens to you, it can help you to grow into your best self. And the end of your life is not going to be about all the mistakes you made. It's going to be about all the growth you had and all of the lessons that you learned.”
Conclusion
John concludes the episode by reinforcing the key takeaways:
- Your past is just a chapter, not your whole story.
- Change starts with tiny, identity-based shifts.
- You don't need more time, just more clarity on what matters.
He encourages listeners to pre-order Karen’s book, visit her website for more resources, and subscribe to the podcast for future episodes.
“[52:28] Karen Salmanson: I'm so glad to be here. I love everything that you're doing and everything you're talking about. It's right up my alley. I love it.”
Key Takeaways:
- Embrace Mortality Awareness: Use the awareness of limited time to prioritize meaningful actions over procrastination.
- Develop a To Die List: Focus on what truly matters, aligning daily habits with core values to minimize future regrets.
- Identity-Based Habits: Link your identity to your actions to create sustainable change and reduce cognitive dissonance.
- Cultivate Meaningful Relationships: Shift from superficial interactions to deep, authentic connections to combat the mattering deficit.
- Evening Reflection: Balance self-reflection with gratitude to reclaim authorship of your life and foster continuous growth.
Resources:
- You're To Die For Life by Karen Salmanson – Available at bookstores and online retailers.
- Visit yourtodieforlife.com for more information, courses, and resources.
- Subscribe to Passion Struck and follow John R. Miles on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform.
Connect with John R. Miles:
- Website: johnrmiles.com
- Newsletter: theignitedlife.net
Upcoming Episode:
- Episode 634 with Kayla Shaheen, author of the Shadow Work Journal, discussing the journey from brokenness to breakthrough.
Passion Struck continues to inspire listeners to live with greater intention, deeper meaning, and a life that's truly to die for, empowering them to unlock their full potential through internal transformation.