Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Episode 699: The Moment You Choose Yourself Again
Date: December 5, 2025
Host: John R. Miles
Podcast Network: Passion Struck Network

Overview

In this episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles explores a universal turning point—the pivotal moment when you finally choose yourself again. As part of the "Season of Becoming" series, John delivers an empowering solo episode, weaving in lessons from recent guests and his own insights on self-abandonment, boundary-setting, and personal transformation. The episode includes practical action steps, memorable analogies, and a powerful call for listeners to reclaim agency over their lives.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why We Abandon Ourselves (03:39–09:45)

• Self-Abandonment Is Subtle:
  John describes how people don’t set out to abandon themselves; it happens incrementally, a "death by a thousand tiny cuts."
  • "You swallow one no, you let one boundary slide. You tell yourself, It's fine, I'll deal with it later, about 400 times. And then ... you look around and think, wait, whose life am I even living?" (03:39)
• Four Survival Patterns:
  • Fear of Disappointing People: Extreme people-pleasing becomes exhausting and all-consuming.
  • Getting Tangled in Roles: Becoming the "fixer" or the "strong one" leads to losing sight of one's own identity.
  • Emotional Outsourcing: Allowing others to control your emotions and self-worth—“your self worth is basically a group chat vote.”
  • Learned Self-Minimizing: Absorbing old voices that tell you to "play small" or not take up space.
• Quote:
  "Those four things, they're not character flaws. They're survival strategies ... The problem is they don't expire on their own. You have to fire them." (09:16)

2. The Moment of Choosing Yourself (09:45–14:20)

• The Awakening:
  Choosing yourself often begins not with thunderous declarations, but as a quiet internal rupture—a dawning recognition that "I'm done abandoning myself."
  • "It doesn’t show up when the calendar is empty... it usually arrives in the middle of a mess." (10:53)
• Not a Crisis, But an Awakening:
  This moment can be mistaken for a crisis, but it’s actually a profound alignment with one's own truth.
  • "It's not crisis. It's the awakening. It's the moment you stop asking for permission." (12:11)
• Shift from Fear:
  True change occurs when the fear of staying the same outweighs the fear of changing.
  • "People think that moment of choosing yourself is about becoming brave. It's not. It's when the fear of staying the same finally outweighs the fear of changing." (13:17)
• Dropping the Performance:
  Referencing guest Ann Libera, John notes, "Improv breaks the second you try to look good instead of being real" (13:51), applying it to the importance of authenticity in life.

3. The Ripple Effect of Choosing Yourself (14:20–19:55)

• Energy Comes Back Online:
  Self-abandonment is likened to an energy leak; reclaiming oneself “plugs you back in.”
  • "Self abandonment is one of the biggest energy leaks in the world. Every boundary you don't hold drains you" (14:41)
• Confidence and Intuition Grow:
  Confidence is the byproduct of keeping promises to oneself; intuition resurfaces as self-trust is rebuilt.
• Relationship Dynamics Shift:
  Some people may resist your growth, but authentic connections breathe easier; you begin attracting those who appreciate the real you.
  • "When you stop being a human doormat, some people lose their minds. Let them." (17:25)
• Opportunity Alignment:
  Personal alignment, more than external circumstances, brings new opportunities.
  • "Opportunities show up when you get better aligned. … Doors don't open. You finally stop standing in front of them." (18:32)
• Repeated Small Choices Matter:
  John emphasizes that minor, repeated choices rewire identity, confidence, and daily experience.

4. Five Action Steps—How to Choose Yourself Today (19:55–22:15)

John offers “five moves that are so stupid simple you have zero excuse. Do one. Do all five.”

• One Boundary:
  Set a single small limit for yourself or someone else—“Text it right now while you’re listening.”
• One Glorious No:
  Say no to a draining commitment; John calls this “oxygen.”
• Five Minutes Just for You:
  Take a brief, undisturbed moment to reconnect with yourself.
• Say the Unspoken Truth:
  Articulate out loud something you’ve been suppressing—“The second the truth leaves your mouth, the pretending loses its power.”
• One ‘I’m on My Own Team’ Action:
  Do anything, however small, that asserts your importance—apply for a job, take a nap, act on a “hell yes” impulse.

5. The Season of Becoming & Final Reflections (22:15–23:28)

• Becoming as an Ongoing Season:
  Growth isn’t a phase on the calendar, but a continual process within you.
  • "Becoming isn't a season on your calendar. It's the season inside you. A season that opens up the moment you decide that you are worthy of your own allegiance." (22:17)
• Call to Action:
  Imperfection, inconvenience, and fear are not deal-breakers—they are part of the process.
  • "So today, choose yourself. Even if it's imperfect, even if it's inconvenient, even if you're scared. Because once you do, your life won't return to what it was. It will rise to meet who you are." (23:19)
• Teaser for Next Episode:
  John previews an upcoming conversation with Brent Gleason on resilience and commitment.

6. Notable Veteran’s Perspective (22:57–23:28)

A guest veteran shares a reflection on how military experience brings clarity:

“Your experiences in the military...is about perspective and really looking at the world and your life and the impact you want to have through a completely different lens and you have a greater degree of discipline then because of that to eliminate things from your life that really are either adding no value or are blockages and threats to living a meaningful, purpose driven life.” (22:57)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Self-Abandonment:
  “No one is coming to save you. No one else gets to choose your energy, your boundaries, your healing or your future.” — John R. Miles (00:31)
• The Internal Shift:
  “It’s the moment your soul stops negotiating...when that whisper becomes a knowing. Not loud, not traumatic, just undeniable.” — John R. Miles (11:10)
• On Boundaries and ‘No’:
  "No is not rude. No is oxygen." — John R. Miles (20:57)
• Ann Libera’s Wisdom:
  “Improv breaks the second you try to look good instead of being real.” — Ann Libera, as quoted by John (13:51)
• Final Encouragement:
  “To matter is to be seen. And that revolution starts with one gaze. One name. One ‘I noticed.’ ... Now go start the revolution.” — John R. Miles (23:28)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:39] — How self-abandonment happens & four key patterns
• [09:45] — The moment of choosing yourself; “the awakening”
• [14:20] — What changes when you stop abandoning yourself
• [19:55] — Five actionable ways to choose yourself
• [22:17] — “The season of becoming” and final reflections
• [22:57] — Veteran’s insight on discipline and perspective

Tone and Style

John’s delivery in this episode is direct, candid, and encouraging—combining tough love with uplifting motivation. He uses humor, vivid metaphors, and real talk to empower listeners to self-reflect and take charge.

Conclusion

This episode provides not only compelling insight into the roots and cost of self-abandonment, but also a clear roadmap for reclaiming authenticity, energy, and purpose. With actionable steps and relatable anecdotes, John R. Miles offers a powerful permission slip to anyone ready to return to themselves—one small, courageous choice at a time.