4 Astros Winners & 4 Astros Losers at the All-Star Break

Summary

Payne & Pendergast

Episode: 4 Astros Winners & 4 Astros Losers at the All-Star Break

Date: July 13, 2026
Hosts: Seth Payne, Sean Pendergast (+ Dana and Figgy contributing)

Episode Overview

This episode focuses on evaluating the Houston Astros’ season so far at the All-Star break, specifically identifying four ‘winners’ and four ‘losers’ on the roster. Seth and Sean discuss the reasons behind each selection, offer contextual analysis of player performances, and delve into broader issues, such as the MVP race in the American League and recurring injury woes for several Astros. The show maintains its trademark banter and humor even through more serious baseball talk, making this a balanced episode for diehard Astros and casual H-Town fans alike.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Astros at the All-Star Break & the MVP Race

• Jordan Alvarez is the MVP frontrunner
  • Despite the Astros' mediocre season, Alvarez stands out with tremendous numbers.
  • AL’s lack of standout players on elite teams plays in Alvarez’s favor ([02:03]).
  • Quote:

    “This is the perfect season for a guy like Yordan, who's just piling up crazy numbers on a mediocre team to win this thing. I got to imagine he's the runaway favorite right now for the MVP award.” – Sean ([02:03])

  • Betting odds have Alvarez as a clear favorite ([03:03]).

2. Four Astros Winners

1. Yordan Alvarez

• MVP-level performance, close to leading Triple Crown stats ([02:03]).
• Health remains the biggest concern going forward.

2. Josh Hader

• “Best closer in baseball since he’s come back,” with his only blemish coming just before the All-Star break ([03:28]).
• Outfield errors and “seeing-eye” singles contributed to any bad stats.

3. Peter Lambert

• Went from being DFA’d and unwanted to the Astros’ steadiest starter in an otherwise turbulent rotation ([04:59]).

• “Of the six guys that Dana Brown brought in as pitchers in the offseason, Lambert was the one they least respected and liked. They cut him, nobody picked him up. He comes, finds his way back, and he's the only damn one that's been any good.” – Dana ([05:24])

4. Steven Okert

• Low drama, consistently effective bullpen arm: 2.31 ERA over 46 innings, 0.836 WHIP ([06:17]).
• Extremely versatile: can come in both for clean innings and jams.

Honorable Mention: Cam Smith

• Strong defense, emerging power, but overall offensive output isn’t enough yet ([07:10]).

3. Four Astros Losers

4. Hunter Brown

• Plagued by shoulder injury and lack of control since returning, though remains a potential long-term asset ([09:27]).

• “He just doesn't have command of his fastball... That's a big problem for the Astros.” – Seth ([10:09])

3. Carlos Correa

• Another season-ending injury, this time a tendon in his ankle, further cements a “snakebit” reputation ([11:31]).

• “His ankle popped in a batting cage. He needs surgery… It's just wild.” – Dana ([11:58])

2. Lance McCullers

• Recurring injuries have created uncertainty about his role and future with the team ([12:12]).
• May not have a guaranteed spot upon return.

1. Bryan Abreu

• “A nightmare of a season”—6.00 ERA, so unreliable that a single run allowed feels like a minor victory ([13:10]).
• Hopes for a future as a big-league closer have evaporated.

• “I think this is a contract year for him… He has zero chops to be a closer right now.” – Seth ([13:17])

4. Broader AL MVP Context

• Historical reference: Bregman lost the 2019 MVP to Mike Trout despite the Angels’ poor record, refuting critics who argue MVPs should only come from good teams ([13:55], [14:28]).
• Quote:

  “Mike Trout broke that rule a few times, but that was one of the more extreme examples.” – Dana ([14:28])

---

Memorable Quotes and Moments

• On Peter Lambert’s unlikely success:

  “Dana Brown can’t even screw up properly... tried to get rid of the one guy who had any chance...” – Dana ([05:40])

• On Cam Smith’s defense vs. offense:

  “If you're a negative offensively, but you're so good defensively... you’re a great Jake Marisnick. But... I’m not going to go apples to apple with somebody who’s a more balanced baseball player.” – Dana ([07:53])

• On what separates a quality start from just being a stat:

  “It’s not like you’re going to go through an entire season without being able to recapture command of his fast[ball]. We hope not.” – Seth ([10:38])

---

Notable Non-Baseball Segments (Briefly Highlighted, Not Detailed)

• Banter about dangerous animals, with a humorous dive into the “cassowary” – “It’s like if a dinosaur had sex with the wildest turkey…” ([19:50]).
• Discussion on dream professional sports appearances, including Olympic sports and WWE-style interference ([22:10] onward).
• Seth’s (failed) entry in a kolache-eating contest against Joey Chestnut – “I can say I stood toe-to-toe… lost 56 to 7.” ([27:02])

---

Important Timestamps

• Astros all-star break and Yordan’s MVP candidacy: [02:03] – [03:28]
• Astros winners rundown: [03:28] – [07:32]
• Cam Smith debate: [07:10] – [08:55]
• Astros losers rundown: [09:27] – [13:10]
• AL MVP historical context (Trout/Bregman): [13:55] – [14:54]
• Peter Lambert discussion: [04:59] – [06:01]
• Steven Okert breakdown: [06:16] – [07:10]

---

Tone & Language

True to the spirit of Payne & Pendergast, the conversation is analytical but peppered with sharp wit, playful sarcasm, and signature H-Town sports banter. The hosts alternate between optimism for the team’s bright spots and frank, even brutal, honesty about underperformance—never straying too far from their personable, everyman approach.

---

Conclusion

This episode serves as a midseason report card for the Houston Astros—celebrating unlikely heroes, lamenting persistent injuries, and scrutinizing those who have fallen short. Listeners come away with a clear view of who’s thriving (and why), who’s not (and why), and how the rest of the season shapes up for Astros players aiming for redemption or continued dominance.

Transcript

[Advertiser/Announcer]

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[Seth]

I remember telling my boss it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it it wasn't.

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[Dana]

On the under $3 menu at McDonald's, a McChicken is $2, because when you're craving a McChicken, you deserve a McChicken. And now that McChicken is just $2

[Seth]

limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. Pen okay, good. Text Just started the show on the Odyssey app. I love Luke Morrow, but the excitement of both your voices at the beginning was like two best friends seeing each other after summer break. One just got back from camp. The other one just got back from a family trip. Very wholesome. That's what we like to be. We like to be the most wholesome show on Sports Radio 6.

[Dana]

That's right. Yeah. Yeah.

[Seth]

We don't always achieve that.

[Dana]

Wholesome.

[Seth]

Wholesome.

[Dana]

Best managed to remain wholesome while we discuss the Texans working out a defensive back who's currently being charged with eight felonies.

[Seth]

And we're cool with it.

[Dana]

At one point I told the story of how my wife is gone as soon as they turn out a know how to put Chad GPT into a sex box. Yeah.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Dana]

There's. Yeah. But other than that. Wholesome.

[Seth]

Wholesome. That's what I think. When I think of this show. I think wholesome for sure. So the Astros are at the All Star break. Jordan Alvarez. I'd have to. I'll. I'd have to go look at the odds. I can't imagine him even on a team. Seth, that's four games under.500. And you pointed this out earlier, and I think it was a very astute observation, is that, yeah, the. The muck that is the American League not only helps the Astros as a team kind of hang around in this thing, but it's not like anybody on a great team is having. And I know Ben Rice with the Yankees is right there. Aaron Judge has been hurt. I think that helps Jordan. The Judge isn't one of the ones helping the Yankees be one of the better teams in the American League, but the muck that is the American League. This is. This is the perfect season for a guy like Jordan, who's just piling up crazy numbers on a mediocre team to win this thing. I got to imagine he's the runaway favorite right now for the MVP award. He's a few batting average points away from leading for the Triple Crown right now.

[Dana]

So right now, Jordan Alvarez as. Where am I? Odds checker. He's at 8 to 13, and Junior Caminero is at 9 to 2.

[Seth]

9. Okay, so that's a big. That's. I mean, 8 to 13 is like minus 175, something like that.

[Dana]

He's 3 to 5 on these other boards.

[Figgy]

Yeah, that's.

[Dana]

That's a heavy. And camin arrows at nine to two.

[Seth]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Three to five, I think is like minus 160, something like that. So, yeah, that's. So he's. He's a. At this stage of the season, you know, health is probably the biggest thing. Knock on wood. Health is what you got to worry about, I think. Winners and losers for the Astros at the All Star break. Seth, I'll rapid fire these at you. I think. Winner number one, Yordon Alvarez. We don't need to dig into that. I have winner number two yesterday, notwithstanding, winner number two, Josh Hater. And I know he's only pitched for, you know, a month and a half, and I know yesterday was his first blemish on his record for the season, but Josh Hater has been outstanding since he's come back. And even the game winning sequence yesterday included an outfield error by Zach Disenzo. The game winning hit was a seeing eye, a single, as you're going to see. You didn't get anybody out. So that's a problem, obviously. But I think even yesterday, notwithstanding, Josh Hater and the way he's come back, he's been the best closer in baseball since he's come back yesterday, notwithstanding. So that's number two for me, Josh Hater. Number three for me is Peter Lambert, who is. Who has gone from being DFA'd at the beginning of the year to being arguably the team's most reliable starter in this kind of small window that we're in here. I mean, this. This is a team that doesn't know who to rely on. They came into the season wanting to rely on Hunter Brown. He got hurt. He's not been great since he came back. Spencer Arrogetti was the pitcher of the month in the month of May, and now he. He's. He's not been good since June 1st.

[Dana]

Yeah.

[Seth]

And now, like, Peter Lambert is, like, the only one where in Tatsuya Imai. We don't need to get into Imai. And the ups and downs he's had. Lambert is probably the steady. If we were to draw a graph of all these guys, his is probably, like, the steadiest line out of all of them. Yeah.

[Dana]

Oh, 100.

[Seth]

Kind of know what you're getting.

[Dana]

There's no drama necessarily, and it's just more of a matter of, like, all right, let's see if holds up. And would you. With each successive appearance, it looks like it's holding up.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Dana]

I do find it ironic that of the six guys that Dana Brown brought in as pitchers in the off season, Lambert was the one they least respected and liked. They cut him, nobody picked him up. He comes, finds his way back, and he's the only damn one that's been any good.

[Seth]

It's crazy.

[Dana]

Hey, he can't even. Dana Brown can't even screw up properly. Yeah, he screwed up.

[Seth]

Yep.

[Dana]

And then signing these six guys tried to get rid of the one guy who had any chance of doing anything. The combined ERA of those six pitchers is still around six, is it not?

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Dana]

And if it weren't for Peter Lambert, the guy that they cut, they would be even worse.

[Seth]

Yeah. Yeah, It's. It's wild. It's wild. It's definitely wild. You know, whatever he's. He's their guy. Now number four. I'm doing four winners and four losers. We got Yordon Hater Lambert, Stephen Oker.

[Dana]

Oh, yeah.

[Seth]

Stephen Okert's been outstanding this year. And I think the. The big. The best thing about Oakard. Oak's got a 2, 3, 1 ERA. It's pitched 46 innings. Like, that's, you know, a lot of these bullpen guys we gotta see as they start to approach, you know, 80, 90, 100 innings. I don't think any of them are gonna get to a hundred, but AJ Blue ball might. But. But Okert. Okert has been the best thing about Oak. He can come in at the beginning of a clean inning. He can come in when you're in a jam in the sixth inning. He can give you more than one inning. His whip, he's been great.

[Dana]

He's got a.836 whip. He's just such low drama. Yeah, he's, that's what I mean. This is why, I mean, for me, the psychological part of the WHIP for a reliever especially is just, it just tells the whole story about. All right, look, I can appreciate the guys who might get a little bit trafficky, but ultimately get the job done. It just never feels as good as the guy that just simply doesn't put guys on base.

[Seth]

No, no, no. We got a texture saying Cam Smith's got to be on the winners list. He's playing great defense and he's really starting to hit for power. His ops is still under 6 70.

[Dana]

I tried to cherry pick Cam Smith stats yesterday. I'd be like, over this certain amount of time or whatever. But again, it has, yeah, the power, it's nice. The power is nice.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Dana]

But he just, he hasn't been good at the plate.

[Seth]

No.

[Dana]

Like his, the overall sum total of it is that he's a drain on your lineup.

[Seth]

It's home runs and that's it. So I can't, I, I'm, I put it this way. He's not on the four winners list. But I'm encouraged by Cam Smith. Like, I, I, I think if you asked me to bet, do I bet on Cam Smith? You know, like three years from now? Seth, is Cam Smith the starting right fielder for the Astros? I'm going to say yes.

[Dana]

I would say the other thing, though, too, that, the thing, I don't, I don't like leaning too much into the defense because I feel like stats nerds either correct me or back me up on this. Sometimes people go to WAR and they'll look at overall WAR wins above replacement. And when it's heavily weighted by defense, I just, I don't put that in the same category as when it's actually a more conventional upper like a war that's with a lot of offense to it. If you're a negative offensively, but you're so good defensively, I feel like, okay, great, you've turned into it. You're a good defensive specialist. You're a, you're an, you're a great Jake Meriznick. But I don't, I don't look at, like, I'm not going to go apples to apple with somebody who's a More balanced baseball.

[Seth]

You're asking me right now, would I rather have Cam Smith be a gold goal of caliber defender? And what he. Like, like. And then. And then as an offensive player, maybe slightly better than what he is now, like a 725 ops guy or be an 870 ops guy and be maybe a slightly below average right fielder. Yeah, give me the bat, man.

[Dana]

You know, some of that comes down to what, what. What's the situation he's in. If he's on a team that's got a lot of other great hitters and you're all raking and everything, then it starts to be a little bit more like, oh, yeah, he gives you a home run every now and then. You know, they're already. They're scoring plenty of runs. And then the defensive part really helps because that one or two runs saved is a couple of victories when your offense is consistently putting up six or seven.

[Seth]

That's exactly right. That's exactly right. All right, losers.

[Dana]

I am, and I'm genuinely intrigued. The actual stat heads know you're talking about. Tell me whether I'm. Whether I'm crazy on that or not.

[Seth]

Losers, I'll count down from four to one. Hunter Brown right now, number four. You know, I think Hunter Brown. Hunter Brown, in part because he's, you know, he's still an astro for a couple more years, but he's at that stage now where you're starting to try to kind of pile up the wins in the innings so you can get more money. You know, he's still on his first year of arbitration. He's making 5 million this year. The injury, you know, obviously, injury, but he's been. I don't want to get too caught up in this shoulder because he's been a workhorse since he got to the major leagues, and he's, you know, and he came back in a. In a normal amount of time from it. He's just been very inconsistent, and he doesn't have control of his fastball right now, and that's a big problem for the Astros.

[Dana]

Yeah.

[Seth]

So I got Hunter Brown number four.

[Dana]

So I don't know. Yeah, I guess I'd hesitate to put him there. That conclusively or. I know this isn't conclusive, but just because he is still relatively fresh on his. On his comeback. Although it's been. How many games has it been now? Is it. Is it four now?

[Seth]

Yeah, it's been a handful. It's. Yeah, several. Several.

[Dana]

I. I think the. I mean, he just. He doesn't have command of his Fastball. Yeah, I just have that. It's not like, it's not like he's gonna go through an entire season without being able to recapture command of his fast.

[Seth]

We hope not.

[Dana]

Is it?

[Seth]

Well, no, but I. Look, we've seen way worse versions of Hunter Brown than the one we're seeing right now. And he's pulled it out of a tailspin before. So let's see how many games.

[Dana]

Fifth game back.

[Seth]

Fifth game back. So he's been five games back. Yeah. And it's been, you know, shaky. I'll do that.

[Dana]

You know what he's had? What? Like, we don't like the quality start because it doesn't feel like an actual quality start. Like when you have six, you go six innings and you only allow three runs. That's technically a quality start. But it's like it's, it's actually a bad era. Yeah. If there was any way to go six innings and allow 2.6 runs or something. And I feel like that's a quality start. But he's only had one since he came back. That's a concerning.

[Seth]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's supposed to be your workhorse man. Like it's.

[Dana]

Oh, no, I'm sorry. It was, it was technically a quality. It was technically one, this last appearance.

[Seth]

It was.

[Dana]

Yeah, yeah.

[Seth]

I think he was. I think it was exactly six innings and three runs in the last one. Number three losers, Carlos Correa. Just because the injury, you know, and I think the, you know, the, the, you know, the injury bug biting Carlos Correa again. I don't know. There's been a 30 million dollar a year guy who's battled, you know, other than maybe Mike Trout the last few years, it's battled more injuries than Carlos Crane. He did it in a batting cage. His ankle popped in a batting cage.

[Dana]

Yeah, that's the. With a lower body injury, usually you hear a batting cage injury. I'm thinking it's an oblique or something. Nope. Popped the tendon in his ankle and

[Seth]

he needs surgery and he's going to be out till spring training next year. It's just wild.

[Dana]

That feels like an old man injury.

[Seth]

Yes, yes. And it feels like there's a few more waiting to happen with him. That's just how it's been with Carlos gray. He's number three on my list. Number two, Lance McCullers. Just. Same old story with Lance. Just injuries of all shapes and sizes knocking him out. And I don't know that there's a spot waiting for him when he comes back either. I like. I don't know what the future is for Lance McCullers with this team. You know, now, now that Javier's back, we'll see how long Javier is back in the rotation.

[Dana]

As long as the starting pitchers continue to underwhelm, they're going to give him

[Seth]

a crack, give him a try.

[Dana]

Just get one last golden spitball.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Dana]

Number one, Brian Brayu had that one nice, you know, September and October after which. Which led them to give him one more year of an opportunity.

[Seth]

Oh, yeah. No, don't pay him. Do not pay him. And then number one, Brian Abreu. It's just been a nightmare of a season for Brian Abreu.

[Dana]

Yeah.

[Seth]

ERA of around six.

[Dana]

I start to look at it as a victory when he only allows one run.

[Seth]

I know. Yesterday. Yeah.

[Commercial Voice]

Victory.

[Seth]

Yeah, exactly. But he's. He's another one. I think he's. I think this is a contract year for him.

[Dana]

Yeah.

[Seth]

I mean, he was. I think Brian Abreu was thought of as, I think, teams that needed a closer. Going into next year, we're going to look at Brian Abreu's work as an Astro and say, well, he'll be our closer and we'll get him cheaper than, say, the Astros got Josh Hater because, you know, he's got no track record as a closer, so we don't have to pay him proven closers money. But I think there's a lot of teams. I think there were a lot of teams out there that were looking at the off season next year, hoping they get Brian Abreu on the cheap and he could be their closer. He has zero chops to be a closer right now.

[Dana]

Hey, you know, during the break, you and I were discussing, yeah, boy, what would the AL and the mvp. The. What would the AL MVP have looked like if Shohei Ohtani and Mike Judge. Mike Trout hadn't been on the Angels over the last few years. The only time that it burned the Astros with either of those two players was in 2019 when Alex Bregman was the runner up to the AL MVP and Mike Trout won it. The thing that's notable about that one, that's relevant to the current Astros, that was a year in which the angels were 72 and 90.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Dana]

So, you know, a lot of. You heard a lot of people earlier on in the season when the Astros were really bad saying there's not a chance in hell because Jordan wins it with the Astros this bad. Like, no, Mike Trout broke that rule a few times, but that was one of. One of the more extreme examples of it was when Bregman, if you're going to go by okay, you got to at least be on a good team, then Bregman really should have been the dude.

[Seth]

I think Bregman, I think that Astros team. Well, first of all, that 2019 team is the best team I've ever seen. Yeah, that.

[Dana]

And that was before. And that was before there was any kind of blowback from any kind of.

[Seth]

Yeah, that didn't happen until a few months later. Great point. And I think that was. I think, if I'm not mistaken, that team won the most games of any Astros team in that golden era. I think they won like 107 games.

[Dana]

The best team they had. That was when we learned really how hard it was to win a World Series.

[Seth]

Yep, yep, yep. When one home game. All right.

[Dana]

Nothing taught me about how hard it is to win a World Series than winning two World Series in the midst of going to the alcs.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Dana]

Seven straight years.

[Seth]

Getting to four and winning two taught us how hard it is to win the other two for sure. How We Made youe Mother is the How I Met yout Mother Rewatch podcast

[Dana]

with me, Josh Radner and series co creator Craig Thomas.

[Figgy]

Follow How We Made youe Mother wherever

[Seth]

you get your podcasts.

[Commercial Voice]

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Sure.

[Seth]

You're listening to KLT AM, KLT FM HD2 Houston An Odyssey Sports Station Crosstalk Brought to you by DNM Auto Leasing. Gentlemen, it's great to see you. Reggie Attatula and John Lopez Miss you guys. Great to see you. Did you have a nice vacation, John?

[Figgy]

I had a fantastic vacation. Absolutely. It was very, very good. I got a little bit of a cold the last couple of days. That always happens on vacation. Maybe.

[Dana]

You got that parasite that's going around with the Proteus.

[Seth]

Oh yeah, I saw that. There's a stomach bug or something, right? Is that what it is?

[Dana]

Yeah, but this is the thing about that, that parasite is that it takes like a. There's a one week incubation period, so it's really hard to track down where it came from. You eat it and then a week later you get violent diarrhea.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Dana]

Like, oh, I don't know, what was I eating a week ago?

[Seth]

Yeah. It's hard to find patient zero. You ever saw the movie Outbreak?

[Dana]

You know, but you can't share it person to person about. Yeah.

[Seth]

It's not airborne or anything either.

[Dana]

Not yet. Okay.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

Hey, have you guys ever heard of a cassowary?

[Figgy]

A casa where so wary. I have not.

[Seth]

You haven't?

[Dana]

Cassowary bird.

[Seth]

You haven't heard of it. Okay. Cuz we were talking about earlier. Oh, and Ben left, so he's. So he can't hit the.

[Guest/Caller]

I'm gonna try to find it.

[Seth]

Oh yeah. Try to find that. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about, Figgy. This is a. Look it up.

[Dana]

It's like a big ostrich looking thing,

[Seth]

but it has a violent bird with a turkey face.

[Figgy]

Wow.

[Seth]

Yeah, so.

[Dana]

But a pretty peacock turkey face.

[Seth]

So until it opens its mouth and it makes the noise that it makes.

[Dana]

Yeah.

[Seth]

But the reason it came up, you guys saw the video of the, the bison.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

Tossing that man in the air.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Guest/Caller]

Great band on that. On the bison, by the way. Did you see the way it hit that corner?

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

No, seriously, Good, Good lateral movement. No question. So we, we, we asked the question, like, what are the most like docile or like creatures that don't look like they're going to harm you? Like a bison. Just like a bison just lays in a field and chews grass 99% of the time you don't think it's going to get up and just throw you 10ft in the air.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Advertiser/Announcer]

So.

[Seth]

So we pulled up a list and bison was on there.

[Figgy]

Hippo.

[Seth]

Hippo was three.

[Guest/Caller]

I mean most dangerous, dangerous animal on legs, without question.

[Seth]

Hippo.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Guest/Caller]

Hippopotamus. We don't, we don't adequately fear the hippopotamus.

[Seth]

We've never portrayed it the right way.

[Figgy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Seth]

You know, it's and elephants were on the list. Yeah.

[Dana]

But realistically, like, what? Okay. We don't adequately fear the hippo. Like, oh, oh, watch out. On your way out to get the mail. If you see a hippo by the mailbox, be sure you don't approach it.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Guest/Caller]

I still think everything you said, even though you said it sarcastically, was 100% correct.

[Seth]

Elephant, moose. But then number seven on the list was this cassowary. You find a figgy or. No, the sound effect, it's okay. So for those who haven't seen.

[Figgy]

He's got a brutal little thing on top of his head.

[Dana]

Legs, you got to watch out.

[Seth]

But you can't really tell because it tends to walk kind of like the low to the ground, and then it rises up and it can kick.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

And it's got sharp claws, and it looks like a turkey, which I'm a little scared of wild turkeys. I'm not going to lie.

[Dana]

So that's look like a dinosaur town or something.

[Seth]

It's like if a dinosaur had sex with the wildest turkey that you could find.

[Figgy]

Right.

[Seth]

It would create a creature that makes this noise right here. It's almost a combination of a turkey and dinosaur noise. Huh. The beginning has kind of that little gurgling thing going on, and then it just turns into a. Yeah, you hear the. Like, you can almost hear.

[Figgy]

That is scary.

[Seth]

That. That comes from a. That that noise comes out of a living creature that's six feet tall.

[Figgy]

Birds are six feet tall.

[Seth]

Six feet. Well, when it stands up, yeah.

[Dana]

Birds are technically dinosaurs. So this might be the most dinosaur like, of the actual dinosaurs.

[Seth]

That bird, the one that made the pterodactyl, is in heaven. Very jealous of the cassowary right now.

[Figgy]

So the next time you're in New

[Seth]

guinea, is that where they are? Yeah.

[Figgy]

Be very, very careful. Guinea.

[Seth]

I hear that. Australia, they make a big deal out of these things, apparently. The cassowary. Yeah, I just never heard of it before.

[Figgy]

Dang.

[Seth]

Yeah, man. Yeah.

[Guest/Caller]

Did we put the wild boar in this list? Did that show?

[Seth]

Wild boar was honorable mention. Okay. Yeah. Kangaroos, Much like kangaroos got suggested on the text page. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, swans can be a little chippier.

[Guest/Caller]

I went right to geese. Geese are Canada sons of guns.

[Seth]

Canada goose. Canada goose was eighth on the list. Yeah.

[Figgy]

I got to see this over the wild boar, huh? Yeah.

[Seth]

Wild boar, sea lion, seals, all honorable mention.

[Dana]

The Canada gooses. I don't agree with the Canada goose being on that. They're just a pain in the butt. Yeah. I feel like if they might attack your toddler and hurt them or something. But that's. That's like pretty much every animal.

[Seth]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true.

[Dana]

The Canada gooses are just annoying because you can't chase them away. They're just. They're persistent.

[Seth]

Yeah, yeah. So what is the question of the day, fellas?

[Figgy]

So Saturday night, the. Danny Rojas is the character from Ted Lasso. Football is live. His real name is Cristofernandez and he's. He used to be a soccer player.

[Seth]

Actually, you could tell watching the show

[Figgy]

he had a background. Yep. Actually got into a professional soccer game in the uf. Is it ufl?

[Guest/Caller]

Usl.

[Figgy]

Usl. Yeah. Saturday night, El Paso.

[Seth]

El Paso.

[Guest/Caller]

El Paso Locomotives.

[Seth]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Figgy]

So he actually got in the game. Big cheers, big moment. So what is a profession, your dream? Professional sports appearance. Now, obviously, Seth's can't be football.

[Seth]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dana]

I think I'd like to do an Olympic sport.

[Figgy]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Dana]

Like the biathlon or something.

[Figgy]

Oh, get on a horse.

[Dana]

But I'd have to. They'd have to give me a head start. Yeah, yeah. I don't almost now I'm thinking about myself in one of those uniforms and just how pathetic and bad it would look like at the first hill.

[Seth]

Yeah, that.

[Dana]

No, no, no, no, no. Tour de France. I want to do. I want to. One of those stages where they're just kind of all cruising along.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Dana]

And you just ride in the pack where everybody. I don't know how it works. It seems like there's certain stages in the Tour de France where they just all agree to be like, yeah, let's take it easy today. I want to be there. Yeah.

[Figgy]

I'm kind of with Seth on one of mine. One of mine is Olympic walking.

[Dana]

Oh, okay.

[Figgy]

That would be cool.

[Guest/Caller]

You want to speed walk.

[Figgy]

Yeah, just speed walk. 5 kilometer.

[Seth]

Take 10 years moving back and forth,

[Figgy]

and I'm just in the backpack and they can pass. And everybody passes each other.

[Guest/Caller]

Professional sachets.

[Figgy]

Yeah. So they never know that you're dead last. Because people are always passing.

[Dana]

Yeah. Because it's on a track.

[Seth]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So that ain't that. I think in part answers the question I had before. I give you my answer. Are we operating with the same level of athleticism that we currently.

[Figgy]

Like today. You get into it today.

[Seth]

Okay, okay. So I. I definitely don't feel like doing anything strenuous. I'm going to tell you that right now. Tour de France and even the walking thing now Walk every day, but speed walking. Yeah, but it sounds like a lot of work. Just.

[Figgy]

Just go around, let them pass you.

[Seth]

No, no, no. Here's what mine would be. I would want to be able to swing the chair that hits somebody that knocks them out in the title match at WrestleMania.

[Figgy]

There it is.

[Seth]

I want to decide who wins the title. I want to be the one that hits Cody Rhodes over the head.

[Figgy]

But you need to be a handler.

[Seth]

No, no, I'd be a manager. Yeah, yeah, that's. I know. I'd be whoever. Whoever the bad guy manager is. Or I would be somebody who has an issue with one of the two guys in the match. And I would come from out of the crowd with a hoodie on.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

I hit them with a chair. They'd lose the match. And then after everybody dispersed, I'd get back in the ring, and I would pull the hood back to reveal my face, baby. And everybody would go, who the hell is this guy?

[Dana]

It's fitting that the most actually realistic scenario presented here is one in the least realistic sport. Yes, yes, yes.

[Seth]

So that would be mine. That would be mine. Swing a chair at somebody's head.

[Figgy]

Now, listen, before.

[Dana]

Before everybody texts in. I understand that even in those stages where they're taking it easy that. Yeah, I know. They would drop me right really quick.

[Figgy]

Yes.

[Dana]

I just want to.

[Seth]

I just want to ride easy for them.

[Dana]

Give me one of those little cheating electronic motors in my axle.

[Seth]

Yes, yes.

[Guest/Caller]

I just like the idea of you going for, like, a leisurely stroll as everybody else is, like, actively pedaling their ass off. There's just one camera person that is dedicated to staying with Seth as the rest of the peloton has moved far beyond.

[Dana]

They're on those long stretches where they're, like. They're just cruising. They're going, like, 30 miles an hour, but they're just cruising along in the peloton.

[Seth]

That was actually. Reggie, you're describing me in what? Boy, if I hadn't done this event, my answer might have fit in here, which would be to eat hot dogs against Joey Chestnut on July 4th. But I actually ate against Joey Chestnut in the Kolache eating contest in 2007. The Kolache factory minute made park at home plate after an Astros game. I got asked to be in it, like, two days before by Andrew Eller, my good friend who was marketing for Kolache Factory at the time. One of the guys dropped out and, like, do you want to be in it? I'm like, hell, yeah. And so I was in it, and I love kolaches. I love the kolachi factory.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

The kolaches that you ate were the, you know, kind of their signature sausage and cheese. The ones that are sort of shaped like an oval and have a sausage and cheese inside of it.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

And they put boxes and boxes of them in front of you. Like the Nathan's contest with the hot dogs. They said, go. And by, like, the third kolache, I'm like, you're done, Boy, I'm getting full. I ate seven in eight minutes. But by, like, the fourth one, I'm like, man, I don't want to ruin. For me.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

I love these. I don't want to, like, throw up or something and then have it really, you know, like. Like some sort of alcohol. Like, you can't drink this anymore.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

So I just started leisurely eating, and people are booing, and I'm just like, leisurely.

[Figgy]

Who cares?

[Seth]

I was basically what Seth would have been in the Tour de France, just, like, kind of giving a Sunday stroll, but it was eating.

[Dana]

I would have been eating kolaches as well.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Dana]

Yes. Joey kolaches. Joey.

[Seth]

Joey ate 56 kilos. You got ranked eight minutes. I did 10th.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

Out of 10. I have one point on the competitive eating circuit.

[Figgy]

Yeah.

[Seth]

I'm like the Moonlight Graham of competitive. It's on eat feats.com. you can look it up. I got one point.

[Guest/Caller]

I gotta go.

[Dana]

Kolache sound. How many did he eat?

[Seth]

Me.

[Dana]

No, how many did Joey Chestnut.

[Seth]

56.

[Dana]

See, that's fewer than the hot dogs that he typically eats, right?

[Seth]

Yeah, he ate. He ate. He ate 60. Look, so do kolaches kind of like. Yeah, this past one last week, he ate 60 something.

[Dana]

Okay. Yeah. It seems like the kolache would be tougher than a hot dog. There's just that.

[Seth]

It's just.

[Dana]

There's.

[Seth]

The bread's very. The bread's thick. Yeah, yeah, the bread. The bread is thick. So. Yeah. So I lost 56 to 7, man. Joey Chestnut. I can. I can say I stood in. Toe to toe.

[Figgy]

There you go. Yeah, kind of.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Dana]

Sean, we talked about it earlier. Peyton Manning was pathetic. Pathetic early on, too.

[Figgy]

That's true.

[Dana]

He had some equivalent losses early in the play.

[Seth]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dana]

Yeah.

[Guest/Caller]

You just gotta push through it.

[Seth]

My dream's still alive. Thanks, Seth. All right, we're done. We are out of time. Crosstalk brought to you by DNM Auto Leasing Seth, Antibodies to you.

[Dana]

Antibodies and a cassowary to you.

[Seth]

Thank you. I love that noise.

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[Dana]

On the under $3 menu at McDonald's, a McChicken is $2, because when you're craving a McChicken, you deserve a Mc McChicken. And now that McChicken is just $2

[Seth]

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[Guest/Caller]

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[Seth]

Oh no.

[Guest/Caller]

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[Dana]

to tell you about a new podcast from Odyssey called Family Lore, where people tell interesting stories about their family history and then we investigate the truth behind them. Family Lore is available now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your shows. As a fan chosen for the halftime challenge, I love sports for a chance to win the big prize.

[Seth]

But when my half court heave only

[Dana]

goes halfway distance, how embarrassing for him?

[Seth]

I wonder, is Sport Clips better than sports?

[Dana]

Because Sport Clips Haircuts is sports on tv.

[Seth]

Plus an expert haircut, hot steam towel

[Dana]

and massaging shampoo tear up his comically large check. Which is better than Sports plus Public embarrassment. Sport Clips. It's a game changer. Check it [e-mail].