5 Reasons I HATE You: Belgium Edition

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Payne & Pendergast – "5 Reasons I HATE You: Belgium Edition"

Date: July 2, 2026
Hosts: Sean Pendergast & Seth Payne
Theme:
With the United States about to square off with Belgium in a key soccer match on the nation's 250th birthday weekend, Payne & Pendergast deliver a tongue-in-cheek, comically patriotic segment: “5 Reasons I Hate You – Belgium Edition.” It’s part sports rivalry, part food critique, and part cultural roast, all delivered in the show’s signature energetic, locker-room banter.

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Main Theme & Purpose

The episode is centered around building fun, fuel-for-the-fire animosity against Belgium as the U.S. prepares to face them in soccer, reminiscing about past sporting heartbreak and mocking some of Belgium’s cultural and culinary exports, all in the spirit of “sports hate” rather than anything serious.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: U.S. vs. Belgium and “Patriotic Hate”

• Sean opens by stoking “patriotic” energy for the July 4th weekend and hyping the U.S.–Belgium soccer match.
  • Quote: “If you hate them already, you're gonna hate them even more in the next seven or eight minutes, I tells you.” (01:30)

2. Belgium’s Identity Issues

• Seth and Sean joke about Belgium’s national identity and confusion with the Netherlands.
  • Seth pokes at Belgium for being overly sensitive about being confused with the Dutch.
    • Quote: "Be bigger. Do something that makes me take notice." (01:51)
  • Sean deadpans: “Basically the Rhode Island and Connecticut of Europe…” (02:16)
• There’s commentary on Belgium’s internal division between Flemings and Walloons.
  • Seth: “If I had to choose sides, I would definitely side with the Walloons. ... Because of their stupid name.” (02:42)

3. "5 Reasons I Hate You: Belgium Edition" – Countdown

Reason Five: “Revenge Game”—2014 World Cup Loss

• The U.S. was knocked out by Belgium in the 2014 World Cup.
  • Quote: “Tim Howard, the goalkeeper for the U.S. was amazing in that game. He had 15 saves… He was standing on his head, as they like to say in hockey.” (03:19–03:20)
  • “Revenge game. That's reason number five.” (03:34)

Reason Four: Brussels & its Vegetal Curse

• Brussels sprouts are mercilessly roasted.
  • Quote: “They named their city after a vegetable… After a vegetable that smells like farts.” — Sean (03:50–03:52)
  • Seth riffs on GMO vs. non-GMO Brussels sprouts and claims Americans have improved the vegetable: “We let science make your... we have the science helps us take your toilet vegetable and turn it into something edible.” (04:17–04:18)

Reason Three: Overrated Belgian Waffles

• Sean controversially claims Belgian waffles are overrated due to his aversion to sweets for breakfast; Seth playfully disagrees.

  • Quote (Sean): "Belgian waffle. Overrated." (04:48)
  • Sean: “I actually... I don't eat donuts, you know.” (05:25)
  • Seth: “So you basically think of the Belgians in creating the waffle and inventing it… are to blame for our obesity.” (06:07–06:12)

• Mischievous banter follows about hotel waffle-makers.

  • Seth: “I manufacture my own Belgian waffle. I know how to work the ass. Sometimes you got to help somebody in there…” (06:49)

Reason Two: Jean Claude Van Damme

• The actors’ action-movie career is mocked both for “ripped groins” among Gen Xers copying his splits and for his “B-movie” credentials.
  • Sean: “Man, there were so many groins that got ripped because of Jean Claude Van Damme back in the day.” (08:17)
  • Seth: “He might as well have been a porn actor…” (08:35)
  • Sean: “He was a horrible, horrible actor. Yeah.” (08:40)
• The hosts reminisce about cheesy ‘80s/‘90s action movies and how their kids now don’t get the appeal.

Reason One: Weird Belgian Laws & Customs

• Sean rounds up various quirky Belgian laws:
  • Mandatory ID from age 15 — “You can get carded apparently for being a human being at any time.” (11:03)
  • Ban on nighttime police raids (9pm–5am) except in rare cases — “No law enforcement raids from 9pm to 5am. Shut up.” (11:38)
  • Compulsory voting — “You just want everybody that doesn't even want to vote to go in and press a button.” (12:51)
  • Incoherence between flag color order and how the colors are described — “Apparently they tout their, their colors in Belgium as red, yellow and black in that order. And the order on the flag is black, yellow and red.” (12:47)
  • Seth: “People disgust me. Never going to Luxembourg.” (13:26–13:27, facetiously confusing more European countries for comedic effect.)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Sean (on Belgian geography and identity):
  “Basically the Rhode Island and Connecticut of Europe is what you are. You're just basically one big, you know, up there. Like just one big snooty patch of land.” (02:16)
• Seth (on the Walloons): “If I had to choose sides, I would definitely side with the Walloons. Okay. Because of their stupid name.” (02:42)
• Sean (on the reason for sports hate):
  “Revenge game. That's reason number five.” (03:34)
• Sean (on Brussels sprouts):
  “After a vegetable that smells like farts.” (03:52)
• Seth (on Americanized Brussels sprouts):
  "We make it. We have the silence. Helps us take your toilet vegetable and turn it into something edible." (04:17)
• Sean (defending his anti-waffle stance):
  "I don't eat donuts, you know." (05:25)
• Seth:
  "You basically think...the Belgians are to blame for our obesity." (06:11)
• Sean (on Jean Claude Van Damme):
  “Man, there were so many groins that got ripped because of Jean Claude Van Damme back in the day.” (08:17)
• Seth (on Van Damme movies):
  “He might as well have been a porn actor…” (08:35)
• Sean (on Belgian laws):
  “You can get carded apparently for being a human being at any time.” (11:03)
• Sean (on police raids):
  “No law enforcement raids from 9pm to 5am. Shut up.” (11:38)
• Seth (facetiously disgusted):
  "People disgust me. Never going to Luxembourg." (13:26)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:30 – Sean introduces the “Five Reasons I Hate You: Belgium Edition” and stirs up patriotic fervor for the match.
• 02:16 – Mockery of Belgian identity and geography ("Rhode Island and Connecticut of Europe").
• 03:19-03:34 – The 2014 World Cup defeat as “revenge” motive.
• 03:47-04:25 – Brussels sprouts debate, attack on “stinky” Belgian cuisine.
• 04:48-06:49 – Controversial take: Belgian waffles are overrated; extended breakfast food riffing.
• 08:01-09:15 – Jean Claude Van Damme's legacy mocked (splits, B-movies, “ripped groins”).
• 11:02-13:12 – Quirky Belgian laws (ID requirement, ban on night raids, compulsory voting, flag colors) lampooned as top “hateworthy” traits.
• 13:26-13:29 – Seth facetiously vows “Never going to Luxembourg.”
• 13:36-14:11 – Recap and segue into the next segment.

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Podcast Tone & Language

• Fast-paced, irreverent, “barroom banter” style—mix of legitimate analysis and comedy.
• Much of the “hate” is exaggerated for comedic effect and explicitly tied to sports rivalry.
• Frequent self-aware jokes about the triviality or silliness of their own reasons.

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Conclusion

The "5 Reasons I HATE You: Belgium Edition" is classic Payne & Pendergast: a blend of genuine sports rivalry, comedic food takes, pop culture nostalgia, and playful international needling—all leading up to the U.S.-Belgium soccer clash. The episode is full of quotable lines, and the laughter is as important as the “analysis.” For H-Town sports fans or anyone prepping for the big game, it’s a tongue-in-cheek way to get into the celebratory, competitive spirit of July 4th weekend.

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Transcript

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[Sean]

All right, pain and pender gas, let's do this. Let's get a little patriotism going here, people. We've got our country's 250th birthday coming up this weekend, and the United States faces off against the hated Belgians on Monday. And if you hate them already, you're gonna hate them even more in the next seven or eight minutes, I tells you.

[Seth]

Um, yeah, bunch of it. You know what? Bunch of, you know, one thing they hate, they hate hate when you confuse them with the Netherlands and the Dutch. And I say, okay, be bigger. Yeah, you know, like you expect me to know everything about everything all the time. Be bigger. Do something that makes me take notice. Yeah, exactly where I actually have to understand there's that you're not the same country, the same people.

[Sean]

Basically the Rhode island and Connecticut of Europe is what you are. You're just basically one big, you know, up there. Like just one big snooty patch of land.

[Seth]

And they got a couple different groups, though. They've got the Flemings and the Walloons.

[Sean]

Oh, yeah, those are different.

[Seth]

Different groups. Yeah. Different languages and.

[Sean]

Oh, okay.

[Seth]

So it's culture and everything.

[Sean]

Okay.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Like the hatfields and the McCoys. It's not two actual families that are fighting each other all the time.

[Seth]

I don't know. I just know that if I had to choose sides, I would definitely side with the Walloons. Okay. Because of their stupid name.

[Sean]

Okay, here we go. Five reasons I hate you. Belgian edition. In honor of Monday's game between Belgium and the United States. Number five. This is actually a revenge game. There's an actual soccer reason to hate Belgium. Seth. In 2014, Belgium knocked the United States out in this very round of the tournament. The round of 16, two to one was the final score. Tim Howard, the goalkeeper for the U.S. was amazing in that game. He had 15 saves. That's a lot of saves in a soccer game.

[Seth]

That's.

[Sean]

He was standing on his head, as they like to say in hockey.

[Seth]

Was there any controversy, as they like to say in the uk?

[Sean]

Not that I. Not that I recall are aware of.

[Seth]

I heard they got. They got screwed over. Yeah, there's officials. They. They screwed him over.

[Sean]

Revenge. Revenge game. That's reason number five. Reason number four, they have a city named Brussels, and it just reminds me of Brussels sprouts, which are the worst smelling food of all time.

[Seth]

They named their city after a vegetable.

[Sean]

After a vegetable that smells.

[Seth]

Believe that people.

[Sean]

After a vegetable that smells like farts.

[Seth]

When you heat them up, they do. You know what happened though, Sean? Yeah, they made a. They made kind of a renaissance this century. Brussels sprouts did. And they.

[Sean]

I'm aware, my wife.

[Seth]

They made them a little less bitter. They bred them a little bit less bitter. But I call those American sprouts. Those are my American GMO sprouts.

[Sean]

Yeah, I've taken those over.

[Seth]

You can't even get these over there because of your strict anti GMO law.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Seth]

Not over here. We let science make your. We make it. We have the silence. Helps us take your toilet vegetable and turn it into something edible.

[Sean]

That's exactly right. We are taking your stinky fart vegetable, making it edible and smellable, and we're going to be slap you on Monday in this. In this soccer game. So. But for now, I think Brussels sprouts are still the. The. The scourge of the culinary world.

[Seth]

Brussels sprouts.

[Sean]

Brussels.

[Seth]

That's another reason to hate Brussels sprouts. Yeah.

[Sean]

Yeah, we have. Why the S at the end? All right, sticking with food number three. Belgian waffle. A little overrated. Belgian waffle. Overrated. I know I may get pushed back from you on this. I'm guessing you're a fan of the Belgian waffle.

[Seth]

I'm a fan of waffles of all sorts. Yeah.

[Sean]

I'm just not a fan of sweets for breakfast, I think.

[Seth]

So you don't like waffles from Waffle House?

[Sean]

I don't like. No, I don't. I don't eat waffles. I don't eat waffles. I don't eat French toast. I rarely eat pancakes. I'll occasionally eat pancakes because they come with your meal at IHOP or whatever.

[Seth]

You don't have to put syrup on it. You know, they're pretty good pancakes with just butter. Pretty damn good.

[Sean]

I actually, and I think you know this from, from sitting with me up in the press box. You rarely. I don't eat donuts, you know.

[Seth]

Yeah. So you're just not a, you're not a, you're not a bread based dessert guy.

[Sean]

I'm not a sugar based dessert breakfast guy.

[Seth]

So you don't like. Oh, for breakfast?

[Sean]

For breakfast? For breakfast. Oh, no, I'll eat, I'll eat, I'll eat. I'm not a huge sweets guy in general, but I'll eat dessert.

[Seth]

You know what? I don't think a donuts is like actual breakfast food, I guess. Yeah, yeah, some people do, but yeah. Okay. Yeah. So where a lot of people, whether you, you get away with eating a pancake and somehow, even though it's got cake in the word, you, you somehow trick yourself into thinking you're not just eating a big old pile of sugar for breakfast.

[Sean]

I'm just not a fan of the sugary breakfast. And thus.

[Seth]

And the Belgians. So you basically think of the Belgians in creating the waffle and inventing it.

[Sean]

Yep.

[Seth]

Are to blame for our obesity.

[Sean]

I think they are very, they, they certainly we can point the finger at them. I, I, and I know in this segment 5 reasons I hate you that I like it when the two of us both collectively really hate on whatever the reasons are that we've got here. I, I knew going into this one, I understood that I was not going to expect you to climb on board the Belgian waffle. Overrated.

[Seth]

Take that, Sean. Do you know the immense sense of pride you have at a, at a hotel breakfast? Get up. When you're, when you're eating the very, you know, the very sophisticated continental breakfast oh, yeah. When you make your own Belgian waffle,

[Sean]

I think that's cool, actually.

[Seth]

Yeah, I manufacture my own Belgian waffle. I know how to work the ass. Sometimes you got to help somebody in there. Be like, well, this is like. You actually have to flip it over.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Seth]

They'll be like, why? Because.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Seth]

Idiot.

[Sean]

Stupid American in the instructions.

[Seth]

This is what the Belgians do.

[Sean]

Stupid American.

[Seth]

Stupid American asking why you have to flip the Belgian waffle maker.

[Sean]

No, I do. I like the. I like the process and watching, you know, like, if you got, like, a waffle bar there where the. You got a chef that's putting all the little fixings in and stuff like that.

[Seth]

Listen, they don't have that at the Marriott Variety Fairfield Inn. We don't have an omelet diy. Yeah. You leave your stories about the Plaza at home.

[Sean]

All right, number two. All right, so number five, this is a revenge game. Five reasons I hate you. Belgium edition. Number four, they have a city named Brussels, which reminds me of the stinkiest, fartiest food in the world, Brussels sprouts. Belgian waffle. Overrated, which I know a lot of people will disagree with, and I get it. Number two, Jean Claude Van Damme. He was Dutch Belgian. Yes.

[Seth]

He's GMO Dutch. That's what I call Belgians. Pretenders.

[Sean]

Also overrated, because every Gen X guy, when he was making all his movies back in the day.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Sean]

He would do. Remember, his big move is the splits.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Sean]

He'd drop into the splits.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Man, there were so many groins that got ripped because of Jean Claude Van Damme back in the day.

[Seth]

Did you see all the guys at parties trying to do the Jean Claude?

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah, dude. It was a Gen X staple back in the day, so.

[Seth]

Those movies are so cringy. Those are some of those Jean Claude Van Damme movies. You didn't realize how much of a B movie they were at the time.

[Sean]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Seth]

Oh, and it was like. I don't know, man. He was like, he might as well have been a porn actor. Like, he didn't have any.

[Sean]

He was a horrible, horrible actor. Yeah. All those, like, action. Like the Steven Seagal movies. Yeah, they're all super. Those. Those are Those. Those might be those set that. Those types of movies.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Might be the biggest category of movies from when we were younger, where my kids are like, what did you see in this?

[Seth]

Yeah. Because whenever you think about something that's stupid that kids like these days, you got to remember. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Me and my buddies thought that. That including some of the early Schwarzenegger ones.

[Sean]

Absolutely.

[Seth]

Stupid trash.

[Sean]

100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100 reason number two. Jean Claude Van Damme and all the groins that got ripped back in the 80s and 90s because of him.

[Seth]

I had no idea he was Belgian. It all makes sense now.

[Sean]

Belgian? Yeah.

[Seth]

Going to be at this game?

[Sean]

Oh, I hope so.

[Seth]

I would like to sweep him so

[Sean]

hard they're gonna flash up to Jean Claude. How old is he now? He's gotta be.

[Seth]

It's like 94.

[Sean]

Yeah, he's gotta be super old.

[Seth]

Yeah, no, he's not. He's not that much older than us.

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[Seth]

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[Sean]

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[Sean]

All right, number one reason. This is a collective of several smaller reasons. You know, I like to gather the weird laws.

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Sean]

From places that we hate on these are actual laws. In the country of Belgium, you must have an ID on you at all times starting at age 15. Like you can get carded apparently for being a human being at any time. And if you don't have your ID with you, you get fined. You get fined. Just. I don't know if they just do these random, you know, ID checks or whatever, but you have to have it on you at all times.

[Seth]

Just the side that's closest to Germany there that does that.

[Sean]

I don't Know, I'm not. Not sure. No nighttime raids on places like a,

[Seth]

you know, like law enforcement.

[Sean]

Yeah, no law enforcement raids from 9pm to 5am Shut up.

[Seth]

What? Wait. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So they're not allowed to. If there's like a drug operation or something, they're not allowed to raid it.

[Sean]

With some exceptions. During normal drug dealer hours, generally speaking, you cannot raid. You must do it in broad daylight. Yeah.

[Seth]

When should we go after the. When should we go after the drug trades?

[Sean]

Lunchtime, of course.

[Seth]

They probably. Probably 8:30am when they show up for

[Sean]

work, they show up for their Belgian waffles. Yes. Voting is required in Belgium now, I'm afraid. Yeah, you must vote in Belgium. Here you have your option of voting.

[Seth]

Right, right, right. Which is. Yeah, and that's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have to. You know what? I'm going to sit down and read somebody's essay on this because, yeah, there is that sense that, like, you would like the people who are voting to really care about voting and everything. But I wonder what the.

[Sean]

Yeah, the, the other, the last.

[Seth]

I was only a political science major for seven days, so I don't feel like I don't even have an opinion on this other than because it's. Because this is what we're doing. I'm going to say that's stupid.

[Sean]

That's fair.

[Seth]

You just like, oh, great. You just want everybody that doesn't even want to vote to go in and press a button.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This, this one. This is a little nitpicky. When I was pulling up the, you know, Google, give me some stupid laws, but apparently they tout their, their colors in Belgium as red, yellow and black in that order. And the order on the flag is black, yellow and red. It's out of order, I guess.

[Seth]

How's that work?

[Sean]

Yeah, it's. I don't know.

[Seth]

It's just that, so they say we're the red, yellow and black. We're the red, yellow and black. It's built into their stupid Dutch songs and everything.

[Sean]

Or the, you know, the, or the, you know, the, the, the, you know, the, the constitution of their country. I don't know.

[Seth]

People disgust me.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Seth]

Never going to Luxembourg.

[Sean]

Yeah.

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[Sean]

Luxembourg. I like that you're naming every country other than Belgium.

[Seth]

Every tiny country that I couldn't point at.

[Sean]

Yeah. Yep. So those are the five reasons. I think the biggest one, though. Revenge game. Got to get revenge for 2014, man, in 12 long years. I've been stewing over that for 12 long years. Either that or I was just reminded of it when I put this segment together earlier. All right, that's five reasons I hate you. Belgium Edition. All right, we've got some great names on here, Seth, that people want us to put through the tribute video filter from the Astros over the last decade. There's some good ones. I think you're gonna get sentimental about some of these.

[Seth]

Oh yeah, good.

[Sean]

Yeah, we'll do that, we'll do that, we'll do that.

[Seth]

I haven't tried in front of a man in a long time.

[Sean]

Do that in the Next switch over YouTube, everybody. But also coming up next, this is how not to handle being a bust in the NFL. We will have that for you coming up next.

[Seth]

Football is fun.

[Sean]

Why shouldn't your football podcast be the same?

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[Sean]

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