A (4:00)

An awareness of the fact that we exist, that we have an eye, and that we each have one in. Okay, so we begin with this wonder, but that we've been given life. And I say it was given because we did return a few times to the mind to try to, you know, manufacture a mind high. But we couldn't. We couldn't make it happen.

A (4:24)

I think one time we were able to, you know, maybe, like, feel it a little bit, but we could never make it happen. Okay, so now fast forward. We go to high school and then into college. And I can just say about those years that seems to me I was trying to.

A (4:42)

Recapture, in a sense.

A (4:46)

You know, recreate that experience of wonder and awe before life. And I tried to fabricate it with substances and people and stuff like that. You know, it was like looking back, I was trying to satisfy that desire for God that I have in my heart with things that are merely created by him, but are not God. So.

A (5:14)

Like, even about the girl I talked about last time with you, that I wanted to love immensely, right? It was this experience of wanting to squeeze God out of her and to be God for her. My father said to me on many occasions about her. He's like, look, Rob is like, you're not in love with her. You're in love with the idea of being in love with her. And it killed me every time he said that. And I hated when he would say that, but he was right. And I think deep down I knew that he was right. I was made for God, but trying to squeeze God out of. Out of people, places and things.

A (5:51)

Okay, so I say it that way.

A (5:55)

To preface this. After college, feeling drained, feeling empty, feeling almost like poisoned by the toxins after so much intoxication, contaminated. I felt like.

A (6:11)

That my eye, myself, was like an aquifer, which is like water, which is naturally present under the ground. The natural waters of my humanity were not really valuable. I mean, they were there. But I didn't know if I should even ever pour myself out in any way because I didn't know of what value they could be to anyone. Now, that was the time in my life when I got invited to be a minister, a youth minister with Mike Klauberg and some other young adult youth ministers of the Life Team ministry at the parish. So here I am, coming out of college, wondering if there's any value at all to myself, to my eye, and if I had anything at all to work to offer. And he is inviting me to be a youth minister, a leader of these teens. With him at the parish, some of you might know Mike. He's the campus minister and teacher at St. Anthony's and he's a good friend of mine and I love him very, very much. And I'm grateful for this invitation because although I wanted to say no, like, and I did a couple of times, thinking I have only what is toxic to pour out of my aquifer to these kids. It was almost as if he were like Christ at the well with the woman at the well in Samaria, saying, but if you knew who was asking you for water, you would ask him for water, and he would give you a life giving water, and you would never be thirsty again. He would purify your aquifer, he renew you, restore you. And I realized after saying yes to Mike and beginning to give a little bit and minister with the youth ministry.

A (7:55)

I remembered Christ is in me. I know this sounds silly, because we know that, right? Like, again, you're in love with the idea of being in love with her. I realized about my Catholic Christianity too. I was in love with the idea of being Catholic, but not really in love with Christ. But in that time after college, when I was giving myself to this invitation of Mike Klawberg to belong more deeply to the church, which is animated by the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit present in the people of the parish, present in the Scriptures and in the preaching of the priests and in the Blessed Mother and Her intercession in the sacraments, in the consolations I was experiencing in prayer, the Holy Spirit began to purify my relationship with Christ and restore me to Christ, who was always in my soul the whole time. The baptism was like a reservoir of life giving water that was there and could at any time purify the aquifer of my humanity if I would allow him, or if I didn't have so much sin separating me from him. So the Holy Spirit sent for the forgiveness of sins, restores us to Christ in our soul, and then Christ, you know, to the Father. So I see the Holy Spirit as a kind of like second Savior, and I hope that doesn't sound irreverent. Christ was sent to accomplish his mission, and so he did. God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son, has reconciled the world to himself. And you heard Christ say it on the cross, it is accomplished. And he poured out the Holy Spirit for the forgiveness of sins through the ministry of the Church that. That we would have pardon and peace through absolution in the name of the Father and of the Son, of the Holy Spirit. You recognize those words, right? These are the words we hear in confession. And what is confession trying to do? It's trying to restore us to the Eucharist. Who is the Eucharist? It's Christ. So why be restored to the Eucharist? Because Christ holds us in communion with the Father.

A (9:57)

So we have the Eucharist on the altar. We have Christ in communion with the Father in the unity of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Right. We say it all the time in our prayers. But if I'm not in union with Christ, if he's lying dormant in my soul or like an untapped reservoir of grace, sanctifying grace.

A (10:15)

He still doesn't bring my eye to life. I still remain a kind of poisoned aquifer. But I say this with thanksgiving, you know, through our relationship with one another in the Church and the grace we receive from the sacraments and the Scripture.

A (10:31)

That baptism can work in our life. It's Christ. It's Christ. So his eye, his self, his spirit was poured into us in baptism. Not to overpower us or wash us away or to replace us. Right? But to bring us to life, to sanctify us with what we call sanctifying grace. So those two things, then. A couple last words here. It's like the experience in the woods of wow. We experience humanity together and uniquely with our I that was given to us, our self. You have a self. I have A self. But then after trying to fulfill this desire for God, which was in that self, which is the very essence of my eye with other things that were not God, I actually did damage to the self and all the more felt alienated from this Christ, who all the time was there because I was baptized as an infant, but I had only the ideas about being in love with him. But then through an experience of the church, which is a real life experience of the Holy Spirit, I was restored to Christ. And then Christ restored me to my eye. And that's when I saw the vocation to the priesthood. It was always there, you know, perhaps in this nascent acorn like state, you know, when I was younger, but it was always there. I've always a priest since the womb, right? Our vocation is our I. It's who we are. And so Christ then helped me to discover that I was just simply looking to be refreshed, renewed, cleaned, you know, made holy. And then I ended up discovering, like, oh, there's this, like, identity there too. There's this vocation to the priesthood, which I was happy to answer, especially because it was in service of this church that gave me my life back. You know, I'd do anything for the, for the church. That's why I love you. I also, you know, know many of you very personally and admire how many of you are allowing this to be accomplished in your own life.

A (12:40)

Okay, I look at my notes here for a second. I want to make sure I don't. It's a lot, but I'm almost done.

A (12:50)

You know, in the spirit of the readings that we heard this past weekend, that first reading from Isaiah, who's talking about the Holy Spirit, described him as like waters that cover the sea, like water that covers the sea. But you hear how strange that is. Aren't the waters and the sea one? Well, in some sense, like the sea is the. Is the aquifer. And you might think about, like Christ and his Spirit as moving over the waters of our soul, but also just our relationship with Christ. The waters of our baptism, the baptism comes to life. It gets stirred up in our soul by the Holy Spirit. So the Spirit covers those waters. So the first reading was describing the Holy Spirit in a way that I think pertains to how we're speaking here. And then the gospel, it's John the Baptist, and he's saying, repent, turn back. The kingdom of heaven. Is it here? Is here, meaning turn back to God. And then he points to Christ. The kingdom of heaven is at hand. The, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world is here, right? So John the Baptist says, prepare the way of the Lord. And we're like, okay, well, how do I have a relationship with this Son of God you're talking about? He said, well, he'll baptize you with the Holy Spirit, and with fire he will give you the Holy Spirit who will enable you to be one with Him. But turn to Him. Do not be afraid to go to him. So again, it's a gospel that speaks to this mystery that was happening in my own life after college, when I was turning back to Christ and being baptized by the Holy Spirit and with fire, a purifying, cleansing love. And then also, what I want you to hear, you know that Christ is here and he is with us, and he can give us God, but do we give ourselves to Him? Is there distance between me and Christ? And if so, can I say, come, Holy Spirit, and.

A (14:54)

Restore me to Christ, whom I know is always with me, who never leaves me. I know he was sealed in with the sacred chrism when I was baptized, so I know he's still there. But help me to be more present to him and to allow him to work in my life. So you see how the Holy Spirit is really advocate, like, helping us.

A (15:21)

Okay. Lastly.

A (15:25)

It was December 6th on Saturday, so I mentioned St. Nicholas, how he endowed those three daughters secretly at night, humbly, this bishop of Smyrna, Turkey, 4th century, so that they would have something to bring to the marriage, a dowry. And Christ does this for us. He endows us with his own life, his own spirit, so that we are worthy of marriage to God. Or also the Holy Spirit endows us with the sanctifying grace to be worthy of being like a bride to Christ, the bridegroom. So the Holy Spirit endowing our eye with this ability to be in communion with and even wed to Christ. So St. Nicholas and the endowment mystery, right?

A (16:13)

If he didn't give the dowry to those three daughters, they would have probably had to give themselves to prostitution because they wouldn't be able to be married. He had to bring something to the marriage back in the day. And so too, it's like if the Holy Spirit's not endowing us with God's own life, we will give ourselves to a kind of prostitution to this world. That's what I was talking about with, like, high school and college, because we were made for God, and our hearts are restless until they rest in Him. And if we're not endowed with grace to live in communion with him or accept that then we'll just satisfy, well, what's the word? Settle for things of this world which will never satisfy our desire for God. In that spirit, yesterday, December 7th, was the feast of St. Ambrose. And this is the bishop that St. Augustine met. And when he met him, Augustine's life was changed by the way that Ambrose lived and the way that he preached. The Holy Spirit worked powerfully in Augustine's life and stirred up that capacity for God that his mother Monica instilled in him. And St. Augustine is the one who would say, as you know, you have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in thee. So, and Augustine was a kind of playboy for those first 30 years or so of his life, prostituting himself to power and influence and pleasure. And he meets Augustus, he meets Ambrose, who is like for him, like a Mike Kohlberg, who, because of that encounter and a new kind of invitation to a life lived with the church is changed as the Holy Spirit begins to work powerfully in his life. And he realizes, oh, my gosh, like my eye, myself has been made for you, oh Lord. And then lastly.

A (17:56)

December 8th, today, as I'm recording, this is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Just came back from the last Mass of the day, the six o' clock Mass. And our Blessed Mother conceived.

A (18:10)

In an extraordinary way, but by the prevenient grace, meaning, like the grace of her Son's death on the cross, which stretches back into history even as it moves forward into the future.

A (18:24)

She's preserved from the stain of original sin at the moment of her conception. And you can see how Christ has accomplished in her what he hopes to accomplish in us. So we pray to the Blessed Mother for her prayers, her assistance, for her protection. We also pray, as she is such a perfect spouse of the Holy Spirit, to look at her Son Jesus with her, to stay always close to her Son Jesus as she does, to live so united with her Son Jesus in his heart, the way that her heart is, you know, so she's this model of holiness that the Holy Spirit wants to accomplish in us our complete and total purification for the sake of complete and total communion with Christ, who enables us to live in communion with the Father.

A (19:20)

This is the last thing, really in that time of my life, like after college with that youth ministry and those friends there who are still my very dear friends even now. We were approached by a woman in the parish who prayed the rosary every day with a rosary group. And she said, you have to pray these prayers, consecrate yourself to Jesus through mary with these St. Louis de Montfort consecration prayers. For 33 days, pray. And then on December 8, she said, Consecrate yourself to the Blessed Mother. So it was three days in already when she came to us with this book. So for 30 days we met every night and we prepared ourselves to consecrate ourselves to Mary and so to Jesus through Mary. And every year I renew that consecration. I'll just say quickly that that consecration, I think, opened the way to a whole new life for me. It was like as I moved through my mother's womb into this world and my wrestling with this natural world, we move through the womb of the Blessed Mother, through that consecration, into this extraordinary supernatural life relationship with the church. And every year, as I renew the consecration, the prayers, I note how it mentions that I fail to live my baptism well. So I renew my consecration to Thee, O Blessed Virgin, and I entrust myself entirely to Thee. All my good deeds and any of my sins or failings, as well to do with as Thee please, as Thou pleasest. All right. So it's acknowledgment of I don't live my baptism as well as I should. So I ask you, bless the Mother to help me with that. But you.