A baby changes everything. The nine months of pregnancy are deeply formational for mother and father, however, with that first look at his child, dad begins to truly understand just how much his life is no longer just about him. Having carried the baby and imbued with her powerfully intuitive feminine gifts, mom is way ahead of him. As men, we can try to imagine, project, and process, the concept of the shift into fatherhood, but whatever we think its going to be, falls far short of the reality we encounter the first time we meet our son or daughter. Nothing will ever be the same.

In so many ways, it’s a wildly outsized, unreasonable, responsibility. A little soul is brought into the world and his or her parents find themselves the stewards of this baby’s complete well-being. The helpless child will be completely dependent on mother and father for many years and in some cases, for decades. Care, feeding, protection, intellectual development, and all physical and emotional well-being fall upon the parents. Parenthood is an awesome responsibility.

Today, we celebrate one half of that parenting dream-team, the father. Sitting with my son and son-in-law last night, we did a little pre-Father’s Day celebrating over smoked wings, homemade sauce, laughter…all amid their seven lively children who were actively enlivening the scene. Of course, their brides, the beautiful mothers of their children, were right in the middle of it. The first beautiful thing about fatherhood is the motherhood that enables and complements it. I’m proud to say that these young men learned that lesson early.

During our dinner, all shared some observations on their fathers. Amid the profound thoughts on sacrifice, safety, presence, support, and love, I was reminded of the great responsibility of fatherhood. The father serves a timeless function: his place in the fabric of his child’s life spans all that soul knows. There are the stories before we are born, the stories we make with our fathers, and the stories we remember when our fathers are gone. The presence or absence of our father echoes across our entire life.

Fatherhood is a dominion, an emotional and physical space, to be inhabited, fulfilled, and protected. It is first, the sacred duty to provide for and shelter the little souls who enter the world completely dependent. But that is just the opening chapter. The father must help steward and develop his child to adulthood, preparing him or her for the great opportunities and dangers of life. Fatherhood is about time and tension; the proper application of pressure and release, of correction and encouragement, of mercy and justice. It is the difficult dance of both loving and holding accountable, pushing and restraining, that must be sustained through many seasons. Perhaps all the seasons he has to offer.

Fatherhood demands the last measure of devotion, the high sacrifice of self. The dreams and desires of his boyhood must be realigned to the realities and demands of fatherhood. Often, they are elevated as he realizes the great possibility in the calling of fatherhood. The sacrifice will likely exceed everything he ever imagined as will the appearance of love and joy he experiences with those souls in his dominion. He comes to recognize what he is literally willing to die for.

As I listened to those at the table share anecdotes about their fathers, some of which were about me, I realized that the place we inhabit as father exists far beyond our own time, reach, and even intention. Whatever I hoped or dreamed about being a father, the successes and failings, have moved beyond me and become the possession of my children. That possession will outlive me through time and memory, its formational power flowing generationally. No matter what, we never stop loving, or needing the love of, our fathers, and the great inheritance of that legacy is timeless.

In many ways, the responsibility of fatherhood is unreasonable. It is massively daunting and many would think again before embarking on it if they knew of the permanence of its demanding call. Certainly, none of us fulfill the call perfectly, and there are many who choose to ignore the call. This is a great tragedy. Striving to fulfill the demand of fatherhood presents one of life’s greatest opportunities. It is the self-sacrifice we all need to become fully alive – greater things come back when we’ve given it all away.

In a world with billions of people, there are many needs beyond biological fatherhood. Adoptive and spiritual fatherhood are very real, and for every one of us who falters in our own biological fatherhood, there are others stepping up to fill empty shoes. The call is no less daunting or dramatic; to take on the duty of fatherhood for another’s safety, wellbeing, or development, is beautifully sacrificial and so very necessary in a world hungry for good fathers. Today is also a good day to celebrate those who devote their lives as spiritual fathers to their faith communities and we all benefit from these wonderful examples of fatherhood…even if we don’t realize it.

To all fathers out there, remember today that you are called to be both lion and lamb. You must protect those in your dominion, provide for them, and nurture them. You must do what it takes to keep them safe. You must also be prepared to lay down your life for them and sacrifice your self when necessary. Removing yourself from the center of your life will likely be the greatest sacrifice you ever make but it’s impact will live long past your earthly existence.

Fatherhood: Dominion, Duty, and Devotion

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