Philosophy Bites: Samuel Scheffler on Grief and Time

Date: November 21, 2025
Hosts: David Edmonds and Nigel Warburton
Guest: Samuel Scheffler (Author, philosopher)

Episode Overview

In this episode, David Edmonds and Nigel Warburton interview Samuel Scheffler about the philosophical puzzle of grief and its relationship to the passage of time. Scheffler, drawing on his recent work and personal reflection, explores why our feelings of grief fade even when the significance of the loss does not diminish, and why many grievers find this fading troubling. The conversation delves into the complexity of grief, comparisons with other emotions, and the philosophical challenges in understanding how time reshapes our emotional lives.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding Grief

• Grief as a Syndrome:
  • Scheffler challenges the idea that grief is just a feeling, instead describing it as a "complicated syndrome of feelings, dispositions to think in certain ways, to act in certain ways, characteristic patterns of thought, feeling and affect that typically occur in response to a personal loss." (Samuel Scheffler, 00:45)
• Normativity and Emotion:
  • There is a puzzle: why does grief diminish over time, even when the cause of grief (the loss) remains unchanged?

2. Emotions and the Passage of Time

• Comparison with Other Emotions:
  • Gratitude: If someone saved your life years ago, gratitude might last forever—time doesn’t erode the appropriateness of gratitude.
  • Fear: If the reason for fear disappears (e.g., the maniac is caught), so should the feeling.
  • Elated Happiness: Feeling intense elation about an event (like a birth) two decades later strikes most as odd, even if the reason hasn’t disappeared.
• Philosophical Puzzle:
  • "Why should the passage of time by itself alter [one's] attitude if the reason for the attitude hasn't disappeared?" (Scheffler, 02:55)
  • With grief, people often feel it’s both proper for grief to fade, yet can feel guilty or unfaithful when it does.

3. Decay of Grief and Its Problematic Aspects

• Intensity and Appropriateness:
  • Scheffler agrees that emotional intensity declines, but maintains this doesn't fully resolve the puzzle; even low-key manifestations of joy or grief can feel odd long after the event.
  • "It's more than just that... it would be odd if you felt the intense elation. It's that it seems odd that you feel the kind of affect that would dominate your mood... once enough time has passed..." (Scheffler, 05:56)
• Norms About Grief:
  • Society has implicit expectations—prolonged grief can seem pathological, yet ceasing to grieve troubles many as potentially disloyal.

4. Context Matters: Types and Causes of Grief

• Nature of Loss:
  • The circumstances, relationship, and age at death profoundly impact grief’s course. The loss of a child is often "distinctively, maybe even uniquely devastating." (Scheffler, 07:59)
  • But, across many forms of loss, "there seems to be an effect of the passage of time... We seem more resilient in the face of loss than you might think." (Scheffler, 09:04)

5. The Philosophical Puzzle: Ought Grief Persist?

• Normative Conflict:
  • "The loss is still a loss... and so on the one hand we feel it's appropriate for grief to decay. On the other hand... I should still feel grief. Have I just forgotten about my dear friend?" (Scheffler, 09:54)
  • There is a disconnect between the persistent significance of the loss, and the fading of grief.

6. Philosophical Attempts at Resolution

• The Skeptical (Causal) Account:
  • Grief (and its fading) is just a causal pattern, not governed by reasons or norms.
  • Scheffler rejects this: "That skeptical diagnosis has the burden of trying to explain why the gap between what it holds and what people themselves often feel." (Scheffler, 12:19)
  • If grief were like a fever, people wouldn't feel bad about its disappearance, but they often do.
• Reason-Sensitive Nature of Grief:
  • Grief responds to "reasons": e.g., the information about whether someone suffered can intensify or alleviate grief (13:45).
• Circumstantial Change Account:
  • Over time, changes in one's life—new roles, shifting relationships—alter the context, lessening the centrality of the lost person (14:21).
• Reassertion of Other Life Reasons:
  • The death creates a "wrenching dislocation," suspends ordinary life projects, but over time those projects reassert themselves; so, the reasons to grieve are "time-limited from the outset." (Scheffler, 14:21–15:56)

7. Intellectual and Emotional Dissatisfaction

• Even with these philosophical explanations, many persist in feeling guilty, dissatisfied, or troubled by the fading of grief.

8. The Problem of Successor Attitudes

• Comparing Grief and Elation:
  • With elation (like after a child's birth), the emotion is replaced by lasting positive attitudes fitting the event.
  • "In the case of grief... it's not clear what the successor attitude is... that continues to register the value of the person... Often... they just resume their lives and sparing an occasional thought for the person. And that seems not to be an adequate continuing response." (Scheffler, 16:24–18:57)

9. Conclusion: The Larger Human Puzzle

• Scheffler offers no definitive solution but highlights the importance of understanding the “diachronic profiles of different emotions.”
• "Part of what it is to lead a human life is to navigate one's way through time... to be subject to certain kinds of changes in one's emotions and attitudes over time in ways that we all sort of intuitively grasp, but whose appropriateness is sometimes elusive or puzzling." (Scheffler, 19:07–20:42)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Grief is actually quite a complicated syndrome of feelings, dispositions to think in certain ways... patterns of thought, feeling and affect that typically occur in response to a personal loss."
  — Samuel Scheffler, 00:45

• "Why should the passage of time by itself alter his attitude if the reason for the attitude hasn't disappeared with the passage of time?"
  — Scheffler, 02:55

• "This can strike people as somehow a mistake. Like, why am I not paying more attention, as this person was so important to me... every few months I spare them a passing thought. That just doesn't quite seem commensurate with the value of the person and with the gravity of the loss that I experienced."
  — Scheffler, 09:54–10:54

• "If grief were just a causal pattern, then feeling bad about no longer grieving would be as odd as regretting a fever going away."
  — Paraphrase, 12:19

• "Many of the attitudes that are constitutive of grief seem sensitive to reasons. You can tell people things that will make the grief worse or make it better."
  — Scheffler, 13:45

• "In the case of grief... it's not clear what the successor attitude is... they just resume their lives and sparing an occasional thought... seems not to be an adequate continuing response."
  — Scheffler, 16:24–18:57

• "I'm subject to all of these attitudes that I've been describing. Like everyone else... what it is to lead a human life is to navigate one's way through time... to be subject to certain kinds of changes in one's emotions and attitudes over time..."
  — Scheffler, 19:07–20:42

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:45] — Scheffler defines grief as a complex syndrome, not just a feeling.
• [02:55] — The puzzle: Why does time alter grief if the loss remains unchanged?
• [05:56] — Decline of emotional intensity over time doesn’t fully resolve the puzzle.
• [07:59] — Types of grief: loss of a child versus an aged parent.
• [09:54] — The central normative puzzle: Is it right for grief to fade?
• [12:19] — The skeptical view and its limits.
• [13:45] — Grief’s reason-responsiveness and emotional triggers.
• [14:21] — Changes in life and attention over time as partial explanations.
• [16:24–18:57] — Struggle with inadequate "successor attitudes."
• [19:07–20:42] — Scheffler’s philosophical perspective on temporality and emotion.

Takeaway

This episode offers a nuanced, humane, and philosophically sophisticated exploration of grief’s evolution over time. Scheffler highlights the persistent psychological and moral puzzles posed by the fading of grief and raises profound questions about how we honor loss, navigate time, and continue living meaningful lives after bereavement. Despite the complexity and lack of easy answers, the discussion is rich with insight about the nature of emotional change and the human condition.