Christmas Special With Tyrus & His Elves | Planet Tyrus

Summary

Planet Tyrus – Christmas Special With Tyrus & His Elves | Episode Summary

Episode Air Date: December 24, 2025
Host: Tyrus
Guests/“Elves”: Ryan (B), Harry (C)
Theme: A humorous, high-energy Christmas special where Tyrus and two “elves” riff on Christmas traditions, holiday gripes, and gift-giving, blending irreverence, nostalgia, and observations on culture.

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Overview

This Planet Tyrus Christmas special brings together Tyrus and two spirited guests dressed as elves for a playful, sometimes chaotic roast of Christmas itself. The conversation is a quick-moving round of jokes, holiday complaints, pop culture debates, and improvised storytelling, with Tyrus delivering his trademark blend of wit, candor, and skepticism about holiday traditions. Throughout, the episode pokes fun at Christmas excesses, treasured memories, and the peculiarities of modern celebrations, all with a nod to the joys (and annoyances) that define the season.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Spirit vs. Christmas Cynicism

• Tyrus’s Holiday Stance:
  • Prefers to give begrudgingly: “This is a pig and chicken on a plate situation… I'll give a little to Christmas. You guys, you went all in.” (01:00)
  • Clarifies he doesn’t hate Christmas but dislikes people’s behavior: “I don’t hate Christmas. I hate people during Christmas.” (01:34)
• Handling Christmas at Home:
  • Tyrus’s family is all-in, decorating fully by November 30. His main role is to fund it all, highlighting the parental burden.

2. Debates Over Christmas Movies

• Die Hard is a Christmas Movie
  • Ryan brings up “Lethal Weapon vs. Die Hard.” Tyrus settles it:
    • “Lethal Weapon isn’t a Christmas movie. Die Hard is.” (03:51)
    • He emphasizes the Christmas party setting as the decider.
• Pop Culture References
  • Jokes about the “tree presence” in Lethal Weapon and the never-ending debate about what counts as a holiday film.

3. Gift-Giving Philosophy

• Self-Sufficiency > Santa:
  • “I’m my own Santa Claus. Christmas for me is 24/7, 360 days a year… Tyrus wants something, he gets it.” (04:34)
  • Critique of Santa as a “socialist” spreading gifts equally, questioning the naughty/nice binary.
• Worst Gift Ever:
  • Tyrus insists the only bad gift is not getting what you want, but that’s a healthy lesson:
    • “I don’t think you should always get what you want for Christmas… So you set goals, appreciate what you get.” (12:16)
    • Warns against raising entitled kids.

4. Santa, Elves & Mall Santa Disdain

• Reluctance to Play Santa:
  • Rejects the “mall Santa” role:
    • “What about me looks like I’ve given up on life? …Nobody wants to be a mall Santa. It’s like nobody wants to be a bus driver.” (06:03)
• Tickle Monster Bit:
  • Swerves suggestions of holiday games:
    • “If I meet the tickle monster, I become the punch-you-in-the-face monster.” (05:13)
• Elf on a Shelf Gone Wrong:
  • Tyrus’s rough handling of “Elf on a Shelf”:
    • “Ended up being elf in a pot…tried to boil him, bake him, make him barbecue. I think elf in a bear trap was…” (13:37)

5. Holiday Food & Treats

• Eggnog:
  • The gang tries eggnog, nobody’s a fan:
    • “Why does it taste like that?” “Because it’s eggnog. No one drinks eggnog.” (02:23)
    • Tyrus prefers vodka.
• Favorite Cookies:
  • Tyrus: “Chocolate chip’s always everyone’s favorite.” (07:53)

6. Christmas Characters & A Christmas Carol

• Favorite Christmas Character:
  • Admits partiality for the “ghost of Christmas future” from A Christmas Carol:
    • “The giant 12-foot one who snatches you up. They could’ve shaved 45 minutes off the movie. Just: act right or you die tomorrow.” (08:58)
• Assigning Spirits to Fox News Colleagues:
  • Past: Gutfeld, Present: Hannity, Future: “You two sorry sons of bitches… Curious what your future’s gonna be after this show.” (11:02)

7. Humor, Office Banter & Absurdity

• Playful Roast of the Elves:
  • Constant ribbing about their costumes and roles (“You’re not even chair Santas. You’re literally elves.”) (06:07)
• Throwing Snowballs:
  • Simulated snowball fight, riffing on baseball teams (“We almost pitched as well as the Mets did in the playoffs this year.”) (10:22)
• Breaking the Fourth Wall:
  • Tyrus jokes about ending the show before “decision makers” see the chaos:
    • “We’re gathering people from around the building…what the hell is going on in here.” (14:23)

8. Standout Moments & Quotes

• On Christmas Overkill:
  • “Christmas is a big deal and it should be. I also think there’s a little too much gift-giving.” (02:45)
• On Eggnog:
  • “Why is it so thick?” (B, 02:32)
• Why He’s Not Santa:
  • “What about me looks like I’ve given up on life?” (06:03)
• On ‘Elf on the Shelf’:
  • “Elf on the shelf ended up being elf in a pot. Tried to boil him, bake them, barbecue…” (13:37)
• On Appreciating What You Get:
  • “I don’t think you should always get what you want for Christmas…so you can set goals and appreciate what you did get.” (12:16)
• On Absurd Banter:
  • “If a Build-A-Bear falls in the forest…” (13:21)
  • “Now if the two of you could take this box and get the hell out of my podcast, that would be phenomenal.” (15:35)

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On His Christmas Grumpiness:
  • “I don’t hate Christmas. I hate people during Christmas.” — Tyrus (01:34)
• On Santa:
  • “Santa Claus, if you really bring…it’s kind of a Socialist…” — Tyrus (04:41)
• On the Worst Gift:
  • “I don’t think you should always get what you want for Christmas.” — Tyrus (12:16)
• On Being His Own Santa:
  • “Tyrus wants something, he gets it. So because I work for my living, I don’t need Santa Claus.” — Tyrus (04:34)
• On Elf on the Shelf:
  • “Tried to boil him, bake them, he made it into barbecue, dangled over the toilet a few times…” — Tyrus (13:37)
• On A Christmas Carol:
  • “Just rich dude, giant skeleton shows up and says, act right or you die tomorrow.” — Tyrus (08:58)

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Key Timestamps

• Opening Banter, Christmas Costumes — 00:08–01:00
• Eggnog Taste Test — 01:55–02:32
• Tyrus’s Take on Christmas and Family — 02:45–03:20
• Die Hard vs. Lethal Weapon Debate — 03:46–04:00
• Naughty List? Tyrus as His Own Santa — 04:11–04:41
• Mall Santa & Tickle Monster Riff — 05:05–06:30
• Holiday Cookies, Santa Wrestling Move — 07:14–07:53
• Favorite Christmas Characters — 08:13–09:20
• Assigning ‘Christmas Spirits’ to Colleagues — 11:00–11:41
• Worst Gift Ever Insight — 11:47–12:55
• Tyrus’s Elf on the Shelf Antics — 13:37–14:08
• Closing Banter and Wrap-Up — 14:15–16:19

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Tone & Style

Lighthearted and irreverent; equal parts roast and holiday nostalgia. Tyrus’s wit keeps the conversation lively, punctuated by deadpan delivery and banter with the “elves,” who are in on the joke. The tone balances roast-like teasing with moments of genuine reflection.

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Conclusion

This Planet Tyrus holiday episode is a hilarious, slightly chaotic take on Christmas, packed with quotable lines and unsentimental wisdom. Tyrus skewers holiday traditions while also revealing the meaningful (and absurd) moments he shares with his family and colleagues. For listeners who like their holiday specials with plenty of laughs and a touch of real talk, this episode delivers.

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Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year — Tyrus & the Planet Tyrus crew. (16:23)

Transcript

[A]

I gotta. I'm just proud of you guys. You know, for Ryan and. And Harry, I wave to the camera. If you guys could have seen them fit in this chair. It was. It was quite.

[B]

It was an experience.

[A]

Yeah. And you guys are elves, right? Is that. We were. Well, we're human.

[B]

This was a coincidence.

[A]

This is a coincidence. Yeah.

[C]

We're humans, but we were raised by elves.

[B]

This is just a regular Thursday. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. All right, so this is. And I'm assuming we're going to discuss something today, cuz you guys are all dressed up for.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Christmas.

[B]

We know how much you love Christmas.

[A]

Yes, I. Listen, I'm. This is a pig and chicken on a plate situation. You guys are clearly the bacon in this situation. You know, I'm talking about there's eggs and bacon on the plate.

[C]

Yeah, I like bacon.

[A]

The chicken gave a little. That's me. I'll give a little to Christmas. You know, you guys, you went all in. You went all out. See, the pig goes all in. He doesn't come back from that.

[B]

I gotta say, we look pretty good.

[A]

I don't know how you guys come back from this, but you went all in. And that's what's. It's amazing. That's awesome. So in the Christmas spirit, I'm assuming I'm playing. There's no shelves for you to climb and hide in. So I'm assuming we're going to do some kind of questions or some kind of Christmas.

[B]

We got to start with the most obvious one. Why do you hate Christmas?

[A]

Ah, don't let the grid. I don't hate Christmas. I hate people during Christmas. Are you seriously drinking? That's why that. That's why that. That's why I. Grinch.

[B]

He's an eggnogno.

[A]

Yes. The Grinch was right. He was right about all their. Their who? Tinkers and Kerplunkas and all that stuff.

[B]

And his breath smells fantastic right now.

[A]

You want. You want some? No, I'm good. I had. I had before I got here. Actually.

[B]

You know what? I hate eggnog.

[A]

Are you sure?

[B]

Yeah, I hate eggnog.

[A]

Just a little.

[C]

Just a little trick.

[A]

I feel like you gotta do it.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You're Siamese twins.

[B]

It's Christmas. I guess so. Merry Christmas.

[A]

Merry Christmas.

[C]

Too much. Thank you.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Why does it taste like that?

[A]

Cuz it's eggnog. No one drinks eggnog. No, come on. I'm good. There's a little taste. Come on. I'll stick with my vodka, thank you.

[B]

Why is it so thick?

[A]

It's yeah. You never had eggnog before?

[B]

No.

[A]

No.

[B]

First time sharing a carton with a dude. That's a first for everything. Dress as an elf.

[A]

That's good, because it's Christmas time. Yeah, that's right. You guys, my family loves Christmas. My wife loves Christmas. My daughter loves Christmas. My son Christmas. All my kids Christmas up, they start decorating November 30th, it all goes up. I have to pay for it all. So it's a little different when you're a grown ass man. Christmas is a little different for you. But you know, I'm happy for them. But the people's behaviors, the over. The overdoing it, you know, everyone has a. Christmas is a big deal and it should be. And I also think there's a little too much gift giving and. But you know, but other than that.

[B]

How do you think he did on that?

[C]

You're a mean one.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You're a grinch. Yeah, a big grinch.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Don't want the hat. Tip the scales.

[B]

All right, go ahead, go. You go first, Harry. You know what? I guess since Harry's looking on his.

[A]

Christmas list, so he has a big sheet and you have a cheat sheet.

[B]

Yeah, I tried doing this like a pro, but, you know, I guess, you know, what do you. Oh, here he goes. What do you.

[C]

Christmas movie wise, do you like Lethal Weapon or Die Hard?

[A]

Well, Lethal Weapon isn't a Christmas movie. Die Hard is a Christmas movie. So it would be Die Hard.

[C]

There are trees in Lethal Weapon.

[A]

Yeah, but it was a damn Christmas party. And Die Hard.

[B]

This guy never stops with this. I mean, that's a good question. That's a really good question.

[C]

Thank you, Ryan.

[B]

I have a really good question, though.

[A]

Sure, that'd be great.

[B]

He's kind of going pop culture. I'm gonna go straight into it. I see that you have a lot of fans. A lot of lady fans. Guy fans. Doesn't matter who. Are you always on the naughty list? Is that why you hate Christmas? Because you're always on Santa's not so nice list?

[A]

I'm on the I don't need your stuff list. I get my own things. I'm my own Santa Claus. And Christmas for me is 24, 7, 360 days a year. Tyrus wants something, he gets it.

[B]

Tyrus gets it.

[A]

So because I work for my living, I don't need Santa Claus. Think about it. Santa Claus, if you really bring. Is kind of a socialist, wants everyone to share the same thing. Everyone gets one gift. They decide who. Cuz what's really naughty. You know what I'm saying? Like, who doesn't circumstance depend on it? Or who's telling the side of the story? So I am my own Santa Claus.

[B]

Wow. That's. That's awesome.

[C]

Tyrus, for Christmas, would you like a visit from the tickle monster?

[A]

No.

[B]

That's the tickle monster.

[A]

Yeah, I know. And what. Yeah, because my problem is if I meet the tickle monster, I become the punch you in the face.

[B]

See, that's why we don't do those.

[A]

Things.

[C]

He doesn't like.

[A]

But you know what, though? I will get you guys a camera, and you guys can be tickle each other. You could wait for people to come down the hallway and jump out and give me some mule tide jeer. And then just right after you're done, there's another little magical place. It's called HR don't worry. They'll take care of it. You guys tell them what you did. And stay in that outfit, too.

[B]

I got. I got a good one.

[A]

I got a good one. Oh, okay.

[B]

All right. This is more of, like, a statement that's kind of formed as a question. Has anybody ever told you that you would make a great mall Santa? No, I think you wouldn't. Could. Wouldn't you love to sit on his lap and tell him what you want for Christmas?

[A]

What about me? Looks like I've given up on life.

[C]

That question angered him.

[A]

Who would want to be a mall Santa? Well, you know, you guys aren't even chair Santas. You're literally elves. You would rather be elves than Santa. Nobody wants to be a mall Santa. It's like nobody wants to be a bus driver.

[B]

Unless you're Kamala. But it's okay.

[A]

Yeah, unless that. Yeah. And she was unburdened by what has been so.

[B]

All right, so I guess that wasn't a good question.

[A]

No.

[B]

He's pretty scared. Do you have another one that you want to say?

[A]

I mean, he had, like, three pieces of paper in his hand, which he left on the floor.

[B]

Well, while Harry's trying to figure this out.

[A]

Yeah, please.

[B]

How much cold do you get per year? How many pounds? Not. You know, because you have a big stocking, but I can imagine. You know?

[A]

Now, again, I have an understanding with old St. Nick. He lives his life, I live mine. But my kids adore him. They leave him cookies and stuff. And I set traps for him every year. Every year, I set a trap for him. But he's my daughter. The youngest one usually helps him escape, so. But I keep trying. I keep trying. But my. My kids, they enjoy Santa very much.

[C]

What wrestling move would you hit on Santa?

[B]

Oh, good question.

[A]

Tongan deaf grip.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Crush the larynx. So you can't. He can't say ho ho ho anymore.

[C]

Do you think he likes cookies? Do you think he likes cookies? He likes those, like weird organ protein shakes.

[B]

Yeah. And he probably eats. He probably eats all of it too.

[A]

You know, if you're gonna whisper, what's.

[B]

Your favorite kind of cookie? Tyrus.

[A]

Yeah. Or good question.

[B]

Or St. Nick over here, because he's his own St. Nick. That's what he said. He doesn't like Santa because he is Santa. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

What's your favorite cookie? Paraphrasing. Well, it's. I guess chocolate chip's always everyone's favorite.

[B]

I guess I know what I'm bringing tomorrow.

[C]

I love chocolate chip cookies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow, that was really good.

[A]

Like paint chips too. Wow.

[B]

What other things.

[C]

What the heck is funfetta even made of?

[B]

Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Well, I guess I could ask this question. What is your favorite Christmas character? Now I know you're probably gonna say the abominable snowman from Rudolph. You probably put the star on the top of the tree every year. But if you had to choose who is your favorite character? And don't just say the Grinch because you hate Christmas and you're wearing the Grinch.

[A]

No, no, no. The Grinch is one of my favorite characters. But probably all. All time favorite is the last ghost on the. The ghost of Christmas future.

[C]

The dementer one.

[A]

The one. Yeah, the. The giant 12 foot one that snatches.

[B]

His ass that starts walking one foot in front of the other.

[A]

That one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a great song. I sing it every year alone.

[A]

Yeah, so that would be. I like that guy. Because he. He gets him. Like they could have just went. They didn't need to go to the other ghosts. No, it was a complete waste of time. They could have shaved at least 45 to an hour off that movie. Just rich dude, giant skeleton shows up and says, act right or you die tomorrow. I mean, that's pretty. I think we could have. We could have cut that down. I'm all about being more efficient.

[B]

I don't know. You kind of. He kind of gives me a burger. Meister, meister burger.

[A]

I don't want to know what that is.

[B]

You don't want to know?

[A]

No.

[C]

If you were to assign the three spirits from a Christmas car.

[B]

Oh, this is a good. This is a good question.

[C]

Thank you, Ryan. To three people in the office. He's so deep, right? Such a deep guy. If you were to.

[A]

Did you die?

[B]

Oh, he's starting to cry. He's trying to cry.

[A]

Don't cry, please. No, no, no, no. Oh, this. This is not. You know what. Oh, earlier today, I didn't know why they put this here. And I just realized why they put this here. So don't worry about this box.

[B]

Are you throwing snowballs at us?

[A]

What? Is that what these are? That seems silly. Nope. Yep.

[B]

Oh, wow. This is like Don Lemon on Christmas Eve. Whoa.

[C]

I can't throw them back, man. Wait, but seriously?

[A]

Well, you're an elf. Can you guys juggle?

[C]

I can't. I don't know how to juggle.

[B]

You can keep hit. Pelton.

[C]

Look, he's bruised. He's. He bruised his forehead.

[B]

He's like a pitcher for the Red Sox. He's always screwing up.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. That was. I'm sorry. Yeah, I was. We almost pitched as well as the Mets did in the playoffs this year.

[B]

Wait, the Mets didn't.

[A]

Yeah, they didn't make the playoffs. Yep. So let me just grab my Met playoff snowball. Oh, you know what? What the hell?

[B]

Actually pulls out a gun.

[A]

There's not one in there. There's not one in there? No.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

But you know what? There is a giant green ball for all the money they wasted and all those hundred million dollar baseball players that apparently can't play in October.

[B]

Sounds like he's not answering your question about.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

If you were to assign from personalities on the channel.

[A]

Oh, Ghost of Christmas.

[C]

Yeah, like Ghost of Christmas. Past, present and future.

[A]

Who would you. Who would be your Christmas pass? I'd probably say Gutfeld.

[B]

Oh, no comment. No comment.

[A]

Yeah, no comment. Christmas present. Hannity.

[B]

Oh, very.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I think he needs some Christmas. Do something with the salty hair. You know, lighten it up or something. Pick a. Pick a color. Can't be both. And what's the third one? Future. The future. Let's see. Actually, you two sorry sons of bitches.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

I'm curious of what your future's gonna be after this show.

[B]

I guess I got a good question.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What's the. I mean, I'm sure there's been a lot. What's the worst gift you've ever gotten?

[A]

You know what the worst gift I've ever gotten? I don't think you really get a bad gift. I think it's the gift you don't get when you don't get the car, grandma or whatever. No, I think when you ask. When you ask for gifts, and you don't get exactly what you want. I think that's a good thing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't. My kids. Anyone ever. Yeah, yeah. Trying to answer questions Seriously with the Siamese banana twins. I don't think you should always get what you want for Christmas. I think especially when you. Your kids and stuff. I think it's important to not always get what you want. I think it's that way you can set goals and, you know, appreciate what you did get, you know, because you don't want to give everybody everything because then they don't work for anything. Then you end up with a situation where one day they're two grown men and they can't get a real job, and they end up dressed in costumes, getting.

[C]

Hey, I work at Build a bear.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

That was a really good answer, actually.

[A]

Yeah, thanks.

[B]

I think we really need to work on creating a better community for the children. He. He hit that. That hit that.

[C]

Build a Bear today.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I was going to, but to be fair, I don't think your brother should be around children. Just. Just to be fair.

[C]

I told you, I work at build a Bear.

[A]

Yeah, I made a Build a bear.

[C]

That looked like you.

[A]

Yeah, but you didn't bring it, so. No, no.

[B]

Oh, it's at home.

[A]

If a build a bear falls in the forest, it's laying on his pillow. I ran out of stone.

[B]

I got a great one. I got a great one.

[A]

Please. That would be refreshing.

[B]

What. What is your thought on elf on the shelf?

[A]

I've never put. We had elf in a shelf in my house, and it actually ended up being elf in a pot. Oh, I would. Yeah. My daughter would rescue the elf. I tried to boil him, bake them. He made it into barbecue. He's been dangled over the toilet a few times. So I try to put the elf to send a message. So I never really did elf on the shelf. It was, I think, elf and the bear trap was.

[B]

You did Godzilla on the table.

[A]

Yes. Godzilla's a. Yeah. Godzilla made it. Elf. Did not. And please don't touch it.

[C]

He's gonna put you in the pot. He's gonna put you in the pot.

[B]

What other questions could we ask Mr. Santa over here?

[A]

What's the question? Actually, I have a question for you guys. How much longer is this?

[B]

I could sit here all day with you.

[A]

Are you gonna tell?

[B]

Yeah. Are you not having fun?

[A]

I'm having the time of my life. But we're gathering people from around the building to figure out what the hell is going on in Here. So before actual decision makers see this, I think we should probably. It's not over. We're just gonna pause for now, and then we'll come back and check in, you guys, you know, like, during the. You know, after New Year's, like, what are the elves up to after New Year's, you guys?

[B]

Oh, so this is gonna be a thing.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We're just gonna dress up as elves. That's. Yeah, that's why I went to college, man. Just was like, I'm gonna be.

[A]

Congratulations, you made it.

[B]

Yep, yep.

[A]

That's so. It's like. So you just wait for our call. And no matter how long that takes, understand one thing. You both have something to look forward to. Don't know when. Might not. Who knows when. Could be a decade. But that call will come at some point. I just want to make 1.6 on that.

[B]

This is pretty impressive for my own standards. I've been doing, like, a wall sit.

[A]

Yeah, I've been doing.

[B]

Well, now.

[A]

You did.

[B]

Yeah, I've been doing like, a wall sit for, like, the past 20 minutes.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

I'm going to be the most shredded elf there is.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Take that, Harry.

[B]

I'm gonna be more shredded than this guy.

[A]

That'll be. You should be excited. And maybe if you keep working, one day you could be a mall Santa.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Now, if the two of you could take this box and get the hell out of my podcast, that would be phenomenal.

[C]

We gotta look at. And then it go, Merry, merry, Merry Christmas.

[B]

Merry Christmas from Planet Tyrus and.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

What it is what it is.

[A]

Nope, that's even worse. What?

[C]

What is it? It's a Merry Christmas.

[B]

Oh, wait, I know what to do. I gotta roll this up right?

[A]

Hey, do we still have the gun from the guy who was here yesterday?

[B]

What it is America.

[C]

What? America.

[B]

Merry Christmas.

[C]

Buy the book.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Should we. You should just get out.

[B]

Should we just.

[A]

Yeah, just don't go away mad. Just go away.

[C]

It seems like you're kind of whatever.

[A]

Thought you had in your head right now. Just hold it.

[C]

Just give it a. Just.

[A]

Thank you. Yep, there we go. Hello, everyone. On behalf of Planet Tyrus Podcast and myself, wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Year, Happy Hanukkah and all that other good stuff. Enough said.