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- [00:00]
David Archuleta
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human Amazon Health AI presents painful thoughts I. I can't stop scratching my downtown. Mm, yeah, but I'm not itching to go downtown and tell a receptionist I'm here to talk about my downtown. Some things you'd rather type than say out loud. There's no question too embarrassing for Amazon Health AI. Chat your symptoms and get virtual care 24. 7 Healthcare just got less painful. What's up, y'? All? Summer's got a different tempo. Everything's a little looser, brighter. One plan turns into another. You hear something, you stay a little longer. Next thing you know, you're somewhere you didn't plan to be. It's those in between moments. That's where the ideas hit. Conversations stretch out. Little memories sneak up on you. Sometimes it's just about what's in your hand. That color. That chill. The new Tropical Butterfly Refresher from Starbucks. Guava and passion fruit flavors with mango pineapple flavored pearls. Yeah, that feels like summer before you even taste it. Funny how one small stop becomes the best part of the day. Start your summer rhythm with Starbucks. Try the new Tropical Butterfly Refresher from Starbucks during Memorial Day at Lowe's. Shop household must haves for less. Save $80 on a char broil performance series four burner grill to chef up something special. Plus get up to 45% off. Select major appliances to keep things fresh. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Lowe's. We help you save valid through 527 while supplies last selection varies by location. See lowe's.com for details.
- [01:48]
Danielle Fishel
Visit your nearby Lowe's Foreign.
- [01:55]
Kal Penn
It's Kel Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app
- [02:19]
David Archuleta
or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [02:29]
Danielle Fishel
Give me money for cigarettes.
- [02:34]
David Archuleta
I'll never leave your filthy bed. I stay the night and one night weekend, two or three years, the kids are not all right. But that's okay, cuz no one here. Here is.
- [02:51]
Danielle Fishel
Hello everyone, it's Danielle Fishel, back with a brand new episode of Teen Beat. Your weekly reminder that my teenage years, every single one of them, were played out on a television screen with 6 to 8 million people watching per week. Catching every pimple, every Awkward pubescent development, and even my first kiss. But now this podcast. Well, it's my opportunity to turn the tables. I now get to sit with interesting people who've done interesting things and find out what they were like as kids, how their own moments of childhood cringe helped shape who they are today. I see it like this. I gave you my childhood. It's time we hear yours. And this week, I am so excited to welcome a guest whose vulnerability is already on full display, thanks to a brand new glorious memoir that I absolutely loved. But more on that later. Before he put pen to paper at just 6 years old, thanks to a quick glimpse of Les Mis, he knew he wanted to entertain. And like everyone who's famous in 2026, he was raised in Utah amongst the Church of Latter Day Saints, creating both a little performer and a confused kid trying to understand his surroundings. An early stop on Star Search may have triggered the liftoff, but it was his trip to Hollywood and American Idol in 2007 at just 16 years old that sent him into orbit. He finished in second place. Yet three songs he performed on the show's finale debuted on the Billboard Hot 100 the next day, giving a new definition to the word runner up. He'd quickly sign a record deal and release his self titled debut album that would go on to sell nearly 2 million copies. Eight studio albums later. Approaching 20 years since his breakout on one of the most watched reality competition seasons of all time, it feels like we're only now getting to know the real David Archuleta. His new memoir, Losing My Faith to Find Myself, is a raw and emotional retelling of his journey through religious deconstruction, complicated family issues and abuse, and his eventual acceptance of who he really is. And that person deserves to be heard. It is an incredible reading. So today I'm more excited to welcome to Teen Beat my guest, David Archuleta.
- [05:18]
David Archuleta
Hello. Hello. Can I pay you for that bio? Cause I'm like, oh my goodness. Wow, that's just. That was so sweet.
- [05:29]
Danielle Fishel
Before we jump into all things your memoir, all things, your history, your story, I first want to ask you what is going on in Utah? It's like right now feels like when 20 boy bands all came out of Orlando at. At the same time and. And we're on TRL at the same time. Did you ever think Utah would become such the talk of pop culture?
- [05:51]
David Archuleta
I had no idea.
- [05:52]
Danielle Fishel
No.
- [05:53]
David Archuleta
And I feel like for some reason Utah is really good at the like social media influencer aesthetic and engagement because it, I feel like it started with YouTube. There were a lot of YouTube content creators who are either from Utah or Mormon. Yeah. And so it's just kind of wild that. Because, like, they had Lindsey Sterling, they had the Shay Carl and the Shaytards. They had just so many people doing this, like, new thing, and people liked to feel like they were a part of it.
- [06:25]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [06:26]
David Archuleta
And now we have Mom Talk.
- [06:28]
Danielle Fishel
Yes.
- [06:29]
David Archuleta
Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Two of your.
- [06:31]
Danielle Fishel
Yes. Dancing with the Stars. Co dancers.
- [06:34]
David Archuleta
Yeah. Co stars there of like.
- [06:36]
Danielle Fishel
But the world seems currently to be a little obsessed with the complicated. And let's not ignore messy and repressed. We can call it repressy culture in Utah. How do you. How do you explain Mormon Utah culture to people if you had to.
- [06:54]
David Archuleta
Ooh, that's an interesting. Ooh, these are interesting questions to think about. Yeah. Because I guess people weren't really. They didn't really know much about it before, so they weren't really interested in it the way that they are now. And having. That's like, pretty much all I know, you know?
- [07:10]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [07:10]
David Archuleta
So I kind of have to, like, reflect. I'm like, okay, look in, like, what. There's something about it that I think people find very endearing.
- [07:20]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [07:21]
David Archuleta
Because there's a bit of an innocence to it. But I mean. And also not like you watch like, Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. But I feel like that's a very extreme example.
- [07:33]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [07:34]
David Archuleta
Because you look at other. A lot of the general population of moms and women in Utah, and it's so much more innocent.
- [07:43]
Danielle Fishel
Yes.
- [07:43]
David Archuleta
So much more, like, protected. And I think those women are just a lot more exposed to and not afraid to venture. You know what? I think Jen. Jen Affleck in the first season was a really great example of how a lot of them behaved and their mentality and their disposition, the relationship and dynamic with their husbands.
- [08:04]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [08:04]
David Archuleta
And I think the audience watching and kind of like their curiosity and confusion and calling things out and vocalizing their opinions really transformed Jen's perspective because it made her real. Be like, oh, it's not. It's not like this for everybody.
- [08:20]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [08:21]
David Archuleta
And it made her and her husband have to reflect on what the dynamic between a husband and a wife could look like. It's not just one way. And also the fact that she gained so much support and love and influence.
- [08:36]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [08:38]
David Archuleta
And it gave her a lot more power in the marriage dynamic. So I think he had to. He had to change his role. It was very interesting to watch in, like, on tv, because most women in Utah don't get that opportunity they don't get to have audience kind of chiming in and giving their opinion and saying, hey, like, that's actually not the best dynamic to have in a marriage. Like having a man be that authoritative, which in Utah is. It's normal. It's expected. So I think to have an outside audience, not in Utah culture, not in Mormon bubble, being able to publicize their opinions and comment.
- [09:21]
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
- [09:21]
David Archuleta
During, like, it. It's. I think it's made a lot of people very, like, it's very. Because it's normally a very secluded, exclusive culture and community.
- [09:37]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [09:38]
David Archuleta
Like, we're very much, you know, we're. We're at people's schools, we're at people's work, and we kind of like, take pride in. Or like, when I was a part of it too, like, we would take pride in being a little different and they would say we are peculiar people and we kind of have like this, like, TV type of personality, like from the 50s, 60s, like, leave it to Beaver, like, yeah. Just like kind of go lucky and stay optimistic and look on the bright side. But a lot of that comes from being in denial of some of the more serious issues at hand.
- [10:12]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [10:13]
David Archuleta
And so I think it was like, you're kind of in, like this fantasy world because you believe this lore that in the 1800s, this guy Joseph Smith, who in Mormons, Latter Day Saints consider the prophet of the Restoration, they believe that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ as two separate beings. Oh. So that was like a. I think that's different from some other Christian faiths where they believe that it's just one or it's like the Trinity and Catholicism. Like, for them, it was like, this is where we were revealed, that they're two separate beings, that God is a father and Jesus is his son, which means that we're his brother because we're also children of God. But they. So it's like a lot of this lore, it kind of feels like you're stepping into, like Lord of the Rings or Star wars is how I described it in my book. But there's a lot of that kind of whimsical imagination. And so you kind of like, like, as Mormons, they believe like we are here. They. They learn to be long suffering. They. They believe in sacrifice, they believe in discipline. I think those are really good traits.
- [11:35]
Danielle Fishel
Yes.
- [11:36]
David Archuleta
And good qualities that people admire and respect.
- [11:38]
Danielle Fishel
Yes. And very family oriented.
- [11:40]
David Archuleta
Very family oriented.
- [11:41]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [11:41]
David Archuleta
And so they believe that sacrifice, you can find joy in the journey. You can find joy in the sacrifice.
- [11:48]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [11:49]
David Archuleta
And sacrifice Brings God's blessings. So you kind of learn how to have a smile through your hardships.
- [11:56]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah. And repress maybe a lot of, you know.
- [11:59]
David Archuleta
Yeah. Because you're not allowed. We were taught that anger was bad. And.
- [12:03]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [12:04]
David Archuleta
Like you. So you kind of. You learn to suppress a lot of emotions.
- [12:07]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [12:08]
David Archuleta
Anger. But. But then it would come out in other ways and behind closed doors. So if, like, there was a neglectful marriage, like, where the husband or the wife were being abusive or something, you don't talk about it because it's like, we're not supposed to talk about the negative things. We're supposed to focus on the good things.
- [12:28]
Danielle Fishel
Right. And this is my hardship that I'm supposed to find the joy in. Instead of maybe having boundaries for yourself where you go, no, no one should accept this. Like, you think, well, this is just my plight that maybe I'm supposed to accept.
- [12:43]
David Archuleta
Yeah. But you know what I was going to say, I think where Catholicism is very similar to, like, with, like, Latter Day Saints is the fact that shame is such a big part of the culture. And so I think that's what's really interesting also about, like, secret Lives of Mormon wives is you see how shame and confession is such a part of the culture, which I think is really sweet. It's beautiful, because I think it's something that a lot of other people and don't feel like, oh, that's not really a part of their lives and their mentality and their culture and community where you feel a need. I feel like Mormons do a lot of times overshare.
- [13:24]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [13:25]
David Archuleta
And I think you see that with the mom talk, like, they're sharing way more than they probably should be, but. And like, in a way that it's like, I realize what I'm doing is wrong.
- [13:35]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [13:35]
David Archuleta
And I messed up and stuff. But it's, like, really beautiful, the honesty behind that.
- [13:39]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [13:40]
David Archuleta
So I think, you know, I think people always appreciated that about me, too. And I just like, they're like, wow, you're so honest and, like, so vulnerable. I'm like. But I was like, well, the culture I come from, like, that's where. That's how we are. And it's. What's. What's interesting, though, is the more power and influence you have, the less. I feel like the less transparency there is. So it's like the followers, a lot of them are expected to be transparent and honest, but there are people who know how to play the system and cheat it. And they're like, wait a second, if I lie, I can Manipulate other people. I can gaslight and I can get away with a lot of crazy shit here.
- [14:13]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [14:14]
David Archuleta
And so. And they do.
- [14:16]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [14:16]
David Archuleta
And so. But a lot of the members themselves are very earnest, very sincere. They want to do the right thing. They don't want to be bad. And they. The shame that's instilled in them makes them so afraid of being bad. But it also can be a double edged sword because while there's transparency in a lot of ways, there's suppression and repressed feelings and denial. Like you kind of gaslight yourself. So you're not aware of reality of a lot of situations where like for example, like Jen maybe with like the dynamic with her husband or me with my sexuality. Like, there's a lot of like, I'm very honest, but I'm like so oblivious to this situation that's going on right in front of me and right. I'm surrounded by.
- [15:05]
Danielle Fishel
Well, shame is also a really great way to control people. If you can make them feel ashamed and feel like, well, I know this awful thing about you. It really can make people feel like I need you. Which is actually something you kind of talk about with your dad, with some of the decisions that your dad wanted to make. Every decision about your song choices about the arrangement, about the way you sang them. And then when you would occasionally get the gall to say, I'm gonna do something different, maybe self fulfilling prophecy, and you faltered a little bit in it, you did have that feeling of like, see, you're right, I do need to listen to you. And he would remind, he would show you that. See what happens when you don't listen to me? Can we talk a little bit about that when it comes to your dad and like some of the decisions that your dad would make for your career and for your life and how hard it was for you to ever speak up and maybe even to know what it was you wanted for yourself because you had just been told what you wanted for yourself your whole life.
- [16:08]
David Archuleta
Yeah, it was kind of like I had. It was like a. Not a kink, but like, I want to say a shame kink. But like it's like addicted to that. I was addicted to the feeling of. It was like, I need, I need to feel more of that, like shame. It was like a form of a high in a way because it was an intense feeling and intensity. Like I gravitated towards intense feelings. And my dad is an intense person.
- [16:39]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [16:40]
David Archuleta
So I was around him all the time. So I think I got used to feeling this hit of intensity in One form or another. And so feeling shame not good enough. Like, wallowing in how incapable of a person I was and how I didn't know and how lost I was without having someone to guide me. It kind of was like a kink. Not in a sexual way, but like, I need more of this feeling or else I'm not alive. I'm not. I don't know how else to recognize. Like, it was such a familiar feeling that I wanted to. To keep feeling it.
- [17:18]
Danielle Fishel
It's.
- [17:18]
David Archuleta
But I also realized, as I wrote it, like a lot of other performers and entertainers, some of my friends, even songwriters and things, but have. They would say I related most to the dynamic with. Between you and your dad in the book. So I don't know if you know, like, people, like, who've. I mean, I didn't even know it until they brought it up after reading the book, where they're like, I. They're like, I'm in this business. And we all had it in common that we had a parent, at least with my friends. We had. Just this last week in Nashville, I was with some of my friends, and they also had dads who were just like a stage dad and controlling in a bit. And I was like, oh. I didn't realize how common this was, because my friend who encouraged me to write my book was Jennette McCurdy, who. She talked all about it in her book.
- [18:12]
Danielle Fishel
I'm glad. Her mom was also one of my favorites. Yeah.
- [18:15]
David Archuleta
So it's. I was like, wow, this happens a lot. Like, where we. A lot of us who are doing what we're doing. There's also, like, a bit of resentment in what we're doing, because it's almost like we lost a parent in the process of getting here because we had a parent who helped us get here, but in return, they're. They're not really like our parent anymore.
- [18:38]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [18:39]
David Archuleta
And I think you kind of mourn that. So it's like, would I rather have. It was like, would I rather become famous and a star and have this attention and potential to live comfortably with money and income and be praised for my work I'm doing in craft, or would I rather have my dad and just have him as a dad, supportive and. And there was a lot of times where I. It was like, to me, it was like, I would rather not have any of this. I would rather not have the attention. I'd rather have a job where I'm struggling more if it meant that I could just have a dad, like, normal and who looked out for me and was proud of me. And I didn't feel like my love, the love I got from him was conditional based on how well I was doing.
- [19:30]
Danielle Fishel
Right. It wasn't tied to performance. And yeah, yeah, we. So Writer Strong, who was on Boy Meets World with me, who played Sean and is my co host on Pod Meets World, his son has recently started getting into voice acting. And one of the things I think is so smart about what he's doing is he, of course, writer's been acting since he was, you know, 10 years old. He knows everything there is to know about the industry, and yet he refuses to be his son's coach. He said, I will hire someone to play to do that role for you. I'm just going to be your dad. I'm going to be your dad. I'm going to support you. I'm gonna drive you to the auditions. I'm gonna be there for you. If you wanna talk about anything, if you want to prep, if you wanna, whatever, I'm there. But I'm not gonna be the person responsible, like the agent, the manager, the acting coach. Because it does get so muddy, the waters get muddied. And thankfully, in my situation. Ne any clue what. They knew nothing about the entertainment industry. So they were also both like, we couldn't help you if we wanted to. So it's. It's interesting to hear you say that because you're right. When you have. When the roles get blurry, you lose a parent to the job. And that is sad.
- [20:52]
David Archuleta
Yeah. One of my friends, like, didn't talk. Hasn't really talked to their dad for a decade. Another one. It's like, complicated. And like, I didn't talk to my dad for like seven years.
- [21:02]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [21:03]
David Archuleta
And because you kind of have to, like, teach them to. I don't know. I don't know why that's such a common thing for a lot of kids who started in the entertainment industry young. I'm so glad that you didn't have to, you know, that same dynamic. But I feel like a lot like, at least, you know, me and Jeanette. I know. I feel like those are some the examples off the top of my head. Just. It was so intense. And our parents wanted to live vicariously through us, but they didn't want us to grow up out of their grasp. And, you know, Jeanette, Jeanette's mom wouldn't let her bathe on her own until she was 18.
- [21:46]
Danielle Fishel
I know.
- [21:47]
David Archuleta
And there are a lot of things where it's like, I felt like my dad wanted me to be a little kid, even up until my 20s, like, I had the mentality of. In a lot of ways, of a kid, because my dad didn't want me to grow up and think for myself, because it would mean that I would not need him anymore. And so I think we come from parents who had abandonment issues. They had trauma themselves. And so it was. It was just very interesting. Like. But, you know, I would try to let my dad. If we fought and stuff, I'd try to let him know I'm like, hey, dad, you know, sorry this happened. And I just want to let you know I love you. And my dad would say, well, if you really loved me, then you would let basically be, like, you would let me be in charge of your career.
- [22:32]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [22:33]
David Archuleta
But you don't, which means you don't love me. And what kind of son would treat their dad like that and like, that kind of talk would. I think it just made me be like, I'm supposed to love this man, but I also feel like I need to protect myself from him, because I don't. This doesn't make sense. It's very confusing. And the talks that led to me writing my book Devout with Jeanette, like, we would meet together and talk about. And it would just feel like this back and forth of feeling validated and seeing. It's like, oh, my gosh, you went through that, too. Oh, my gosh, I went through that, too. Oh, my gosh. This is. That happened with you and your mom. Like, that happened with me and my dad. And it was just kind of. And our parents knew each other. So, like, my dad was friends with her, her mom and Jeanette and her mom would come to, like, some of my shows and my music video shoots, and I would, like, go over there and, like, visit her mom because her mom was in the middle of fighting her. Her. Her cancer. And. And it was this kind of wild, like. So we. And we also have, like, the Mormon dynamic as well. So we both grew up lds, so we felt this, like, kindred. Like. Like this. Like, this bond.
- [23:50]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [23:50]
David Archuleta
In those. There's a shorthand. Yeah.
- [23:52]
Danielle Fishel
That you were, you know, somebody who doesn't know anything about LDS or the entertainment industry or that parent dynamic. There's so much stuff you get to skip of being like, of course, you know what that's like. So even just saying, like, so we were at church. She knows exactly what that means to be at church and what the church days are like and. And all that dynamic. Yeah. To feel by someone and to have so much in common and then to have actually been in the same circle.
- [24:21]
David Archuleta
And I feel like when we would talk a lot of times we would hide behind our parent because we didn't really have an identity without them. So she would be like, yeah, my mom, as long as my mom's okay. Like she wasn't doing anything for herself. And I feel like that's made it, you know, acting a very complicated thing for her because she was like, I'm doing this for my mom.
- [24:40]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [24:41]
David Archuleta
And she felt like she was doing it to keep her mom alive. And so for me, I think the same thing. I'm like, well, I'm singing and the better I sing, the more my dad will be happy and okay and feel fulfilled. And so it makes you really gain this complicated relationship with your art and craft. Cause it's like, yeah, I love doing it and I get acknowledged and praised for what I'm doing, but it's so attached to my parent that I really don't want to be associated with this. It's like a bittersweet thing because like you're praising me so much. But I don't know how to see myself in this because my dad's so involved in this and he, I have to do it exactly the way he wants or else I am going to get reprimanded for hours. Like he wasn't like shouting in my face or anything, but it was like this literally would spend hours. It's like you need to improve it. You need to correct what you did wrong.
- [25:43]
Kal Penn
Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment, recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures this
- [26:43]
Bowen Yang
is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture Research with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We all know the feeling when life gets really busy. Taking care of yourself can feel impossible. That's why Premier Protein Shakes are my go to. They have 30 grams of protein, 160 calories, no added sugar, and they taste amazing. So they're a healthy choice you'll actually want to make. It's not just for fitness, it's for getting after life. 30 grams of protein gives you the fuel you need. It's not just for intense gym sessions, it's just with the wide variety of flavors from cafe latte to cake batter, it never feels boring. It's a flavor for everyone. I personally love the peaches and cream, but maybe you're a root beer floater, cinnamon roll kind of person. Premier Protein empowers me to say yes to more. Find your favorite flavor@premierprotein.com that's P R E M I E R protein.com or at Amazon, Walmart and other major retailers.
- [27:42]
Danielle Fishel
Wasn't that delicious? So good.
- [27:44]
David Archuleta
Your bill, ladies.
- [27:45]
Danielle Fishel
I got it.
- [27:46]
David Archuleta
No, I got it. Seriously, I insist. I insisted first.
- [27:51]
Danielle Fishel
Don't be silly. You don't be silly.
- [27:53]
David Archuleta
People with the Wells Fargo Active Cash credit card prefer to pay because they earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases.
- [28:00]
Danielle Fishel
Okay. Rock, paper, scissors for it. Rock, paper, scissors. Shoot.
- [28:03]
David Archuleta
No, the Wells Fargo Active Cash credit card. Visit wells fargo.com ActiveCash Terms Apply Amazon Health AI presents painful thoughts why did
- [28:17]
Danielle Fishel
I search the Internet for answers to my cold sore problem? Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that.
- [28:34]
David Archuleta
Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Healthcare just got less painful.
- [28:49]
Danielle Fishel
I know your youth was very heavily connected to the church. What did you do for fun? Did you. I'm sure there were fun moments. What did you guys do for fun? You and your siblings?
- [28:59]
David Archuleta
Yeah. So when I lived here. Florida. No, when I lived in Florida for a little bit with my older sister, we'd love to go out and like play with the. There were like ducks just like hanging out in our backyard area. And like there was like a little pond behind the fence of our, like the townhomes that we lived in. And we'd always like, we would like, find a Way to, like, break the fence open and escape out so that we could go catch tadpoles. And we'd always get in trouble for it. But we would go and we'd, like, steal some of the duck eggs and, like, I don't know what we would do with them.
- [29:32]
Danielle Fishel
I was thinking feed the ducks, but then you were like, steal the duck egg.
- [29:36]
David Archuleta
We would feed the ducks, too.
- [29:37]
Danielle Fishel
Okay.
- [29:38]
David Archuleta
But, yeah, I think we just try to catch them and, like, have them be our pet. And we. I think we used to get, like, the duck eggs and, like, get our dad's church socks and, like, swing the eggs around. We weren't trying to break them. We just.
- [29:51]
Danielle Fishel
Church socks. Are there specific church socks?
- [29:54]
David Archuleta
Just like, like, black high church socks. Okay, but, like, I was, like, four years old and she was five. Okay. So it's like, I don't think we knew any better. We didn't think we were going to hurt the duck, maybe. I'm like, I don't know if we were killing the baby chicks inside the eggs, but. And then, like, when we moved to Utah, we just love to go outside and play in the snow and rollerblade. We were really into rollerblading.
- [30:15]
Danielle Fishel
Rollerblading was great. Yeah, I loved rollerblading.
- [30:18]
Kal Penn
You rollerbladed?
- [30:19]
Danielle Fishel
Oh, yes, I did. My very first headshot, you know, is called a composite, where you have, like, all the different photos. Like, here's me looking studious in front of some books, and here's me doing one of them, was wearing rollerblades, jumping in the air, and, oh, my God, I was able to jump, touch my rollerblades to my bottom, and then land on my rollerblades.
- [30:40]
David Archuleta
Wow.
- [30:40]
Danielle Fishel
Very talented.
- [30:41]
David Archuleta
Very talented. Loved rollerblades. Is it weird to have so much, like, you know, is it weird for you that, like, so much of, like, your life day to day, like, you've lived so much life and, like, you know, that was when you were a kid and you're an adult now. Is it weird that so much of your life and, like, the topics that people ask you about are from your childhood? Like, is that. Or is it. Is it like. I mean, it's so normal now, but is it kind of weird sometimes to think, like, oh, like, you know, compared to, like, what other people talk about. We're not usually talking about their childhood.
- [31:13]
Bowen Yang
Their childhood.
- [31:14]
David Archuleta
But everyone wants, like, so much of your childhood was public.
- [31:18]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [31:18]
David Archuleta
And publicized and there for everyone to see. Like. Like to say, like, yeah, my headshots from, like, when I was rollerblading as a kid, like, and it's like, and every. And people saw that. And so like people still come to you and ask and talk to you about your childhood and your child self.
- [31:35]
Danielle Fishel
I think I was aware while it was happening that I was peaking. So it's not. Yeah, I was like, this is, this is gonna be peak life, you know, Like, I have a feeling it's gonna be all downhill for me.
- [31:47]
David Archuleta
You're so self aware. You're such a self aware kid. Like, that's so interesting.
- [31:52]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah, I think I was aware. Like, yeah, this is. What else is there from, you know, Like, I do also know, similarly to the way you talked about with your dad, feeling like you were singing to bring him joy and now it's given you an opportunity to reestablish or figure out what is my real feeling on my career and what do I want? What are my goals? What are my thoughts?
- [32:19]
David Archuleta
It's freaky. It's freaky. Cause I'm like, I'm not used to thinking for myself.
- [32:24]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [32:24]
David Archuleta
And you feel so, like I'm gonna fail, right? Cause that's what I was always told, like, if I do, if I think for myself, I am going to ruin my life. So you have to like unprogram that and be like, okay, how do I feel? What makes, what makes me happy? And it's. And you feel selfish to even ask that.
- [32:41]
Danielle Fishel
Right?
- [32:42]
David Archuleta
It's like I'm not supposed to ask myself what makes me happy.
- [32:44]
Danielle Fishel
Right? How dare I? Yeah. This isn't about me. This life is not about me. Yeah.
- [32:49]
David Archuleta
And that comes from my dad and church, like the Mormon way of living. Like, that's why like for, for Latter Day Saints and I think a lot of religions, like being gay is so selfish. How could you live your life for you, like, you can't create. I mean, well, now they do have ways. Like, you know Lance, you're friends with Lance?
- [33:07]
Danielle Fishel
Lance was my Michael, my long term boyfriend.
- [33:10]
David Archuleta
Yeah. Oh my gosh. So you know. Yeah, you know that experience too. So. Because I like, I talk about my ex fiances and my, my book had three of them, but I know not
- [33:23]
Danielle Fishel
at the same time, but my heart broke for all three of them and also for you in every situation because having now experienced that from on, basically it feels like both sides. Because with Lance, him being able to explain to me so intimately the same things you so vulnerably explain in your book about the thoughts that go through your head, the mental gymnastics you have to do in order to try to convince yourself that, yeah, I'm gonna be able to live an entire life telling myself that I'm just battling, struggling, same sex attraction. And it is hard that you do love these people. You did love the women you were engaged to. It was just a passionless type of love that is not a long term family dynamic that you want to. That you, that you can or should even be expected to maintain. So hearing you, you talk about it so beautifully and your fiances were all so accepting of hearing you talk about that you were battling same sex attraction. They were like, okay. And then very understanding when you eventually came out. Do you have convers? Do you talk to any of them now? Have you spoken to them?
- [34:47]
David Archuleta
I, I talked to two of them. One of them I haven't spoken to since it ended.
- [34:51]
Danielle Fishel
Okay.
- [34:51]
David Archuleta
It was really traumatic.
- [34:53]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah. I'm sure it was painful for her.
- [34:54]
David Archuleta
She had a lot of other things happen as well. Like she, like she was from Mexico. And the week that I ended things with her, she was going to see some of her friends and her friend got like. She was like, yeah, I'm gonna go see my friend. And her friend, I mean, got abducted.
- [35:15]
Danielle Fishel
And oh my gosh.
- [35:17]
David Archuleta
Yeah. And so that happened in the same week that things ended was very traumatic for her. And so I think just, it was too much for her. So I, I felt so bad. And so, I mean, I didn't, I had no idea. No, none of. How could you have any idea that that's gonna happen? But, yeah, so it was just, it was kind of weird because, like before, like she was telling me how she was looking forward to seeing her friends and then, and then we had that call and we ended things and then. Right. You know, just days before she was supposed to spend time with her friend, that happened. And so I just haven't talked to her. But, you know, my sister showed me like a post that she did where she was, she was still very Mormon. And she made a post saying, I'm very grateful. It was Thanksgiving. And a lot of Mormons love to say what they're thankful for. And she said, I'm so thankful for my gay friends and for gay people. And she was saying, listen, all the things, why her gay friends specifically were such a light and blessing in her life. And that for me was very healing to hear about. And I just respected her so much because I felt like a failure to her. And I felt like, how could a girl forgive you for ruining her future is how I was feeling. And to see that, you know, okay, maybe it wasn't that if she never spoke to me again, it wasn't because I was gay or queer. It was because it was just messy. I had my trauma and it was definitely coming through in the relationship that we had and I hadn't figured myself out yet. So just to see that she was always supportive and stood up for people. Like she's posting like in front of all of her other Mormon friends right on Thanksgiving. Like, I'm thankful for gay people. Like, this is amazing. Before it was really cool to do.
- [37:15]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [37:16]
David Archuleta
It's becoming like more accepting as time goes on. Like year by year. Which I'm so happy to see.
- [37:21]
Danielle Fishel
Yes.
- [37:22]
David Archuleta
But like I was. Yeah. So yeah. Even though I haven't spoken to her, it was cool to see her say that.
- [37:27]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [37:33]
Kal Penn
Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put it. Put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIP Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures this
- [38:34]
Bowen Yang
is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture Research with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We all know the feeling when life gets really busy. Taking care of yourself can feel impossible. That's why Premier Protein Shakes are my go to. They have 30 grams of protein, 160 calories, no added sugar, and they taste amazing. So they're a healthy choice you'll actually want to make. It's not just for fitness, it's for getting afterlife. Premier Protein empowers me to say yes to more. Find your favorite flavor@premierprotein.com that's P-R E M I E R protein.com Wasn't that delicious?
- [39:11]
Danielle Fishel
So good.
- [39:12]
David Archuleta
Your bill ladies.
- [39:13]
Danielle Fishel
I got it No, I got it.
- [39:16]
David Archuleta
Seriously, I insist. I insisted first. Oh, don't be silly.
- [39:20]
Danielle Fishel
You don't be silly.
- [39:21]
David Archuleta
People with The Wells Fargo ActiveCash credit card prefer to pay because they earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases.
- [39:27]
Danielle Fishel
Okay. Rock, paper, scissors for it. Rock, paper, scissors. Shoot. No.
- [39:33]
David Archuleta
The Wells Fargo ActiveCash credit card. Visit Wells Fargo.com ActiveCash terms apply Amazon Health AI presents painful thoughts I. I can't stop scratching my downtown. Mm. Yeah. But I'm not itching to go downtown and tell a receptionist I'm here to talk about my downtown. Some things you'd rather type than say out loud. There's no question. Too embarrassing. For Amazon Health AI chat your symptoms and get virtual care 24. 7 Healthcare just got less painful.
- [40:17]
Danielle Fishel
So I want to talk to you a little bit about your experience at American Idol. I want to talk about your first experience with the show where you end up at a live taping and then at an after party. You sing for Paula Abdul. Well, you kind of sing for everybody.
- [40:31]
David Archuleta
Yeah.
- [40:32]
Danielle Fishel
And Paula comes walking up to you and was very supportive. And she's still somebody that is in your life. She wrote the foreword to your book. Very sweet.
- [40:40]
David Archuleta
She's so sweet. What?
- [40:42]
Danielle Fishel
That feeling of being your dad kind of pushed you, forced you into singing publicly.
- [40:49]
David Archuleta
Yeah.
- [40:49]
Danielle Fishel
Did that happen often? And is. Does it. Was it as uncomfortable as it feels for me just hearing about?
- [40:58]
David Archuleta
Yeah. It makes you uncomfortable too.
- [40:59]
Danielle Fishel
It makes me so uncomfortable because sometimes
- [41:01]
David Archuleta
I feel like I'm just an ungrateful son that didn't appreciate my dad. I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing without my dad.
- [41:07]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [41:07]
David Archuleta
But that's also what makes you so, like, in limbo about everything that's going on. It's like, I owe my dad to this, but I still. And yet I resent a lot of our dynamic because, you know, it's like, I'm grateful that you're the. You helped me get here, but I also just wish sometimes I could have my dad like. But I. Like, I would love to just be able to trust him and not have him, like, critiquing everything I do and putting me down.
- [41:34]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [41:35]
David Archuleta
And if he sees something he doesn't like about my life and making it conditional that it's like, if you don't let me come back in your life, then I'm going to keep. I'm not gonna look at the positive things you're doing. But we've grown out of that, luckily. Like, we've gotten to a good place and it came with boundaries. Which he was pissed off about, but, you know, learned to respect over the years. It took years. And I was like, this is never gonna happen. I'll probably never talk to my dad again. But.
- [42:03]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [42:03]
David Archuleta
We've come to a good place. I mean, he's. It's kind of gotten sticky since I was like, dad, I'm gonna release a book, and I'm gonna talk about all the stuff. All the stuff that we went through, which he wasn't happy about. But I think he's also just. He's a strong guy, and he respects it. And I was like, dad, I talk about the abuse. That's what my experience with what it was. And he's. He doesn't agree with it. But I'm like, you know what? That's okay. You don't have to agree. But I'm like, you know, you. If you. You were the one who wanted me to get to this place in the first place. Yeah, I. This wouldn't have happened if the dynamic between you and me didn't exist. And I have to. There's that. It's not my. It's not a true story if I don't talk about our dynamic. So. But anyway, we'd be in a grocery store or, like. And, like, the cash. The person checking us out, he would just say, you see that kid over there? That's my son. My son. He's the greatest singer on earth.
- [43:00]
Danielle Fishel
Go ahead.
- [43:01]
David Archuleta
And I'm like, why are you saying that? And she. And I remember. She's like, oh, really? Okay. And then he's like, you don't believe me? I'm like, oh, my gosh. But I was just like. I was singing on demand like that.
- [43:17]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [43:18]
David Archuleta
And he's like, okay, David, sing for her. And I was like, what's the point of this? What's the point of this? And I think. Cause it wasn't building my ego. It wasn't making me feel more confident. It was just very embarrassing for me. And I felt like I was a puppet. Like, I felt like I was my dad's toy to show off. And he was a proud dad. He was a proud dad. So it's like. I think he. He just got a kick out of it. He didn't think of it as, like, I'm using my son. I think he just was excited to see people's reaction because they did always react. She was like, okay. She's like, yeah, he can. He can really sing.
- [43:57]
Danielle Fishel
Wow, that's actually very impressive.
- [43:59]
David Archuleta
Yeah, so. And that's what he did, you know, the reason I was singing to Paul Abdul in the book was because. Same thing. He was like, sing for them.
- [44:06]
Danielle Fishel
Do it.
- [44:07]
David Archuleta
And I was like, I don't want to. I, like, really didn't want to. I didn't like to be put on the spot. I didn't like the attention.
- [44:14]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [44:16]
David Archuleta
So I think it was hard. I've had to learn how to like attention. But I didn't. I didn't like it to begin. I was like, I would have been fine. I used to say, like, I would write in my journal sometimes as a teenager, like a young teenager before American Idol and things, and I was like, I'm like, why am I even a human? I'm like, I would have been completely content if God just created me as a rock and made me a rock in the middle of the desert where I can just be by myself, bask in the sun, and just fulfill my. My create, like, my existence. Then that way, I'm like, why do
- [44:46]
Danielle Fishel
I have to get married or have children?
- [44:49]
David Archuleta
I'm like, why am I here? I'm like, I guess I have to appreciate being a human and whatever comes with that. But I was like, I just would have loved to have just been to myself and kept to myself. I loved rollerblading just by myself alone in the neighborhood, saying hi to all the widows and retired people because I was homeschooled. So a lot of times the only.
- [45:08]
Danielle Fishel
No friends your age during the day. They're all at school.
- [45:11]
David Archuleta
They were all at school. So I'd just be like, hi, Mrs. Gillespie. How are you? Oh, my gosh. Did you have a Mrs. Gillespie?
- [45:17]
Danielle Fishel
No, I just made that.
- [45:17]
David Archuleta
Okay. I love that. I love that. That name. No, I would have, like, we would call. I mean, most of my neighbors were. Yeah.
- [45:25]
Danielle Fishel
You know, sister and brother.
- [45:27]
David Archuleta
Yeah. Yes. So all the widows. Like, most of everyone in my neighborhood was Mormon. So I'd be like, hi, Sister Higby. Hi, Sister Stefanson. Hi. You know, so it's like. And what I loved about them is that they didn't care. I mean, you know, because I was. I was feminine. And I guess the way I talked, like, people would say, okay, like, he's a. Oh, you're gay, or you sound like a girl. But the old ladies didn't care. So I loved to be with them because they didn't judge me, they didn't make fun of me, and they just let me keep them company. And I loved that. I loved not being the center of attention. They would tell me their stories, right? They'd be like, yeah, When I tone it in, like when I got. I don't know. So like my. I had four kids and then my husband left me and I had to raise my four kids on my own. And then I got, I found so hard, found my husband and he was amazing and I just loved to just be there. And I'm like, do you need help, like washing your dishes or. Some of them would let me come in with my rollerblades. I was like, no, I'm not. And they're like, oh, just keep them on.
- [46:30]
Danielle Fishel
And they just rollerblading around the house.
- [46:32]
David Archuleta
Yeah. I would just like walk in the. Like try not to like stain their floors or whatever. But I just loved it. Like, I loved existing without being the one in the spotlight. It was so refreshing to me.
- [46:43]
Danielle Fishel
Were you ever jealous of all those children who had no natural, God given talents? Oh, what it would be like to just be like one of you?
- [46:51]
David Archuleta
I did because I, I was like, what is it like to just like play and like run around and play and not feel like you're being. Because I always, I felt like I was always being watched, even though I wasn't right. But the dynamic I had with my dad made me feel like I was always being watched. Yeah. And so I always second guessed my. What I said, how I moved. And I, I try to just really blend in the background and be quiet because I'm like, if I say something, it might be wrong.
- [47:22]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [47:22]
David Archuleta
If I do something, it might be wrong. And so I would see kids and they didn't even think twice about what they did, what they said, if they got hurt, if they got. And I really, you know, it wasn't until you say it now I'm like, yeah, I was a very cautious person. And like, if some of the times, like the other church kids would invite me over to watch a movie or for a sleepover stuff, I would always stand in the back, which is creepy. I was like, I'm such a creeper. And they'd be like, come sit with us. Come sit and like watch. And I was like, no, I'm okay. I was so afraid of being seen.
- [47:58]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [47:59]
David Archuleta
And I think it also had to do with the fact that I felt like I was hiding something big, which I didn't know what it was, but it was my sexuality. I'm like, if I come and be in your presence, you're gonna notice me. And I'm so afraid of that. So. But they would still invite me. And I'm like, they're such sweet neighborhood other just kids to Try and include
- [48:15]
Danielle Fishel
you, even though you were like, I will watch you and pretend I'm participating, but really, I'm on the outskirts. So when you then are on American Idol and you mentioned, like, whether it was in the neighborhood or I imagine there was talk about whether or not you were gay in the public while you were on the show, my dad
- [48:37]
David Archuleta
would tell me all the time. Really? He was like, yeah, everyone's speculating about whether you're gay or not. I'm like, okay, thanks for letting me know.
- [48:45]
Danielle Fishel
I can't even imagine how that would feel to have other people speculating about something you have not eaten, even fully wrapped your mind around at all, and to just have other people talking about it so openly. So what was that feeling like for you? Was that terrifying to feel like other people were seeing you?
- [49:04]
David Archuleta
Oh, yeah. That was part of why I was so terrified of staying on American Idol, Right? Cause I'm like, so many people are talking about me in a way I don't want to be talked about. I'm like, I just want to sing and then disappear, but I have to still, like, have people talk about me, wonder what I'm like. And I was so uncomfortable with it. That's why I hated being on the show. And so when people would be like, oh, you must be having the time of your Life. And Cloud 9, I'm like, I've ate this.
- [49:31]
Danielle Fishel
Get me off.
- [49:31]
David Archuleta
I want to run. I'm like, I. Literally. There were times where I would be in the classroom because, you know, as a. Of course, you still have to do school time, even though you're doing so much other stuff. And I would be in the classroom doing my schoolwork, and I'd be like, I could just run away right now, right? I could just escape. I could run and hide, and no one would know where I was. I can leave my phone right here.
- [49:53]
Danielle Fishel
Oh, my God.
- [49:53]
David Archuleta
They couldn't find me. And I don't have to do this anymore, right? So I was like. But then I was like, the dutiful Mormon in me was like, no. So many people relied on me. And I'm like, God put me here for a reason. I'm supposed to be an example for him. Like, I think a lot of Mormons think that way, I'm sure.
- [50:09]
Danielle Fishel
Like, yeah.
- [50:10]
David Archuleta
I feel like sometimes when I watch Whitney, I'm like, I wonder if that's how she's. It's like, I'm here because I'm supposed to be an example for everyone else. And I think it's like that the performer Mormon. And like I see I've mentioned this another time on an But I was like sometimes I watch Whitney and I relate so much to it that I cringe.
- [50:30]
Danielle Fishel
Right?
- [50:31]
David Archuleta
You're like oh my God, I used to be like that. Yeah.
- [50:34]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [50:34]
David Archuleta
Where it's like you, you know it's not even like a lot of Mormons could do relate it but like the Mormon performer, right? It's like this other thing cause you feel like you have to be on and as a theater performer you already turn on but as a Mormon performer you turn on in a different way. Cause it's like I'm a representation. I'm a representation of God and I have the gospel in my life and you're kind of. So it's like two ways of being on collide together. But oh God. Anyway,
- [51:12]
Kal Penn
Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high frequency cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures this
- [52:13]
Bowen Yang
is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture Research with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We all know the feeling when life gets really busy. Taking care of yourself can feel impossible. That's why Premier Protein Shakes are my go to. They have 30 grams of protein, a 160 calories, no added sugar and they taste amazing. So they're a healthy choice you'll actually want to make. It's not just for fitness, it's for getting after life. Premier Protein empowers me to say yes to more. Find your favorite flavor@premiereprotein.com that's P R E M I E R protein dot com.
- [52:49]
Danielle Fishel
Wasn't that delicious?
- [52:50]
David Archuleta
So good. Your bill, ladies.
- [52:52]
Danielle Fishel
I got it.
- [52:53]
David Archuleta
No, I got it. Seriously, I insist. I insisted first.
- [52:58]
Danielle Fishel
Don't be silly. You don't be silly.
- [53:00]
David Archuleta
People with the Wells Fargo Active Cash credit card prefer to pay because they earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases.
- [53:07]
Danielle Fishel
Okay. Rock, paper, scissors for it. Rock, paper, scissors. Shoot.
- [53:10]
David Archuleta
No. The Wells Fargo Active Cash credit card. Visit Wells Fargo.com ActiveCash Terms apply. Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts.
- [53:24]
Danielle Fishel
Why did I search the Internet for answers to my cold sore problem? Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic source in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that.
- [53:41]
David Archuleta
Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Healthcare just got less painful.
- [53:56]
Danielle Fishel
Your whole family has left the church now, right?
- [53:58]
David Archuleta
Yeah.
- [53:59]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah. What is your relationship like with your family now?
- [54:02]
David Archuleta
It's. It's like complicated and beautiful and wonderful. You know, I didn't really get to fully relate to my dad until I left.
- [54:12]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [54:13]
David Archuleta
Because when I came out, my dad was so fully supportive of me, which I wasn't expecting. I thought he was gonna criticize me or have something to say because he always did in the past.
- [54:24]
Danielle Fishel
Right.
- [54:24]
David Archuleta
So I hadn't really been talking to him. And I was like, you know, I should reach out to my dad because it's like, I'm sure he's hearing about it. And so I was like, dad. And he's like, dad. He's like, son, I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud of you. And I wasn't. I was like, wow, we've really grown. Because he's not criticizing me or saying, you could have done it this way or you should have done this, or how could you? It was.
- [54:47]
Danielle Fishel
Feels like that's maybe the only response you wouldn't have prepped yourself for.
- [54:51]
David Archuleta
Yeah.
- [54:51]
Danielle Fishel
You're like, okay, I'm gonna call him. Here are all the different things he's gonna say. He's gonna have a complaint about how I did it, what I said, when I did it, something. And you're not thinking, what am I gonna say when he says, I'm so proud of you, son. Yeah, that. What was your response when he said that?
- [55:07]
David Archuleta
Yeah. Because every phone call that I would have before with my. It would always end up in a fight.
- [55:12]
Danielle Fishel
Right. And I'm usually hanging up. Yeah.
- [55:14]
David Archuleta
And yeah, like, I'm just like, he's not stopping so I'm just gonna hang up. And then. So it was weird. It, like, was like 20, 30 minutes. Like, this is so short. And he was talking about how he went to a gay club, like a gay bar, one time, out of curiosity to see, because someone invited him to go, and he's like, sure, I'll go see. And. And just it was like, you know, he grew up Mormon, too. So, you know, when people were saying that I was gay, he was like. Like, that's like a part of him, like the Mormon dad. And because he was still a Mormon at the time, felt like he needed to protect me from gay men because, you know, they're always painted in a very bad light. I can see sexual beings that just were perverts and what. He didn't know what they were going to do to me. And so I was like, oh, I don't want to. But now I'm realizing, like, it's like. I don't know. I think it's so interesting that it's, like, not the openly gay men that you have to worry about. It's the closeted ones that you have to worry about because they're dealing with suppressed feelings and. Suppressed feelings and being in denial about. Is this not never good? It always comes out in a very messy way, which I think is why you see a lot of closeted conservative and, like, religious leaders.
- [56:22]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [56:22]
David Archuleta
Who. Who take out their suppressed feelings on vulnerable people.
- [56:28]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [56:29]
David Archuleta
Or even. So it's. Anyway, it's.
- [56:32]
Danielle Fishel
And also have the mindset that maybe the reason I'm having these feelings is because I'm not godly enough or I'm not close. I'm not close enough to God. And next thing you know, you're a part of the. Of the church because you feel like maybe that will fix me.
- [56:48]
David Archuleta
Yeah.
- [56:48]
Danielle Fishel
Maybe the closer I can get, the better off I will be.
- [56:52]
David Archuleta
Yeah. And even be, like, become obsessed with it. Like, I learned in therapy that I had, like, a form of OCD with religion, and it was coming from a. Like, a religious therapist.
- [57:05]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [57:05]
David Archuleta
She was helping me recognize that I was. This scrupulosity is what it's called, religious ocd. And I've. I learned later on that it's very common for queer people in religion to become scrupulous.
- [57:20]
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
- [57:20]
David Archuleta
Because they. It's. Yeah, it's. It's interesting.
- [57:25]
Danielle Fishel
Well, does your dad look back on American Idol fondly? Have you asked him ever?
- [57:30]
David Archuleta
Like, I don't know. Yeah, I imagine he does because he was very involved in it, and I feel like he felt like, anything he touched was great and perfect. And it was almost like he's like, if I wasn't there, it would have been a disaster. And that's how he treats everything. So sometimes I think. I think that's why I blocked a lot of what happened. Cause I had to go back and watch the American Idol episodes. Because my book publishers were like, we really want you to talk about this. We're gonna give you your advance and stuff. And so I was like, okay, what happened then? And I. So. And I'd written another memoir before when I was a teenager, but my dad would constantly say, if I weren't there, it would have been a mess. I'm like, dad, so are you saying anything I did myself would have been. And he basically. I don't think he realized that's what he was saying, but that is what he was saying. And he's like, it would have been a disaster if I weren't there. I'm like, dad, do you know how many managers I tried to meet with? And you ruined the relationship? Like, I couldn't continue in my career because he would call me and say, who are you meeting with? And da, da, da, da. He would call me, like, seven, eight, nine times in a row and leave me all these messages. Cause he was so like, I have to know what you're doing. You're going to ruin your career. You're going to ruin your life if you don't let me know what's going on. And I would, like, pick up because I'm like, well, he's my dad. I have to. And he's like, let me talk to them. I have your best interests. All of these other people are out to get you. This entertainment industry's horrible. It's a mess. Everyone's backstabbing. And I was like, oh, I guess there is a little bit of that going on, so maybe I should. He's like, like, I'm your dad. Though no one will have your best interests at heart the way your dad does. He's like, on top of that, I have divine inspiration as your dad, given from God to be a steward over you, to receive revelation on your behalf. So I can. The spirit will help me discern whether these men or these managers you're meeting with are. Are the right one for you. And then I, like, met with some of. I talked to a couple of those, like, managers I met with, like, years later, and they'd be like, yeah, like your dad. Because he would say, no, they're not the right one for you. I could tell their intentions are bad and a lot of them would say like afterwards, like, yeah, your dad made a condition that he had to be co manager if we worked with you. And so if they didn't say yes and didn't agree that my stage dad wouldn't. You know, I think it was kind of weird for them to be having a separate conversation that I wasn't involved in. And I would funnel all them, like, I can't work with you until you talk to my dad. And I was 19 years old, 19, 20 years old. And nope, I can't function without my dad. So it was interesting.
- [60:28]
Danielle Fishel
Guys, David stuck around for a bonus episode where we get more into his incredible journey and we hear from one of you, a listener with their own childhood horror story that drops Friday on the dedicated Teen Beat podcast Feedback. Just go wherever you listen to podcasts and search for Teen Beat and subscribe. That way you never miss another episode. And please pick up David Archuleta's new book, Losing My Faith to Find Myself, A truly remarkable memoir from a truly remarkable individual. It's available everywhere, but maybe go support your local bookseller. They could use the help. Teen Beat is an iHeart podcast produced and hosted by Danielle Fishel, executive producers Jensen Karp and Amy Sugarman, executive in charge of production Danielle Romo, producer and editor Tara Sudbaksh. The theme song is by Mark Hoppus. Yes, that Mark Hoppus. Follow us on Instagram eenbeatpod.
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Kal Penn
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David Archuleta
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Kal Penn
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Bowen Yang
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Kal Penn
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David Archuleta
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