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Ep 361 – The Enneagram, Marriage, and Finding Joy in the Mess with Christa and Wes Hardin
Feb 25, 202500:55:05Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Christa and Wes Hardin, founders of the Enneagram and Marriage platform. Christa, a seasoned relationship coach with a Master’s in Clinical Psychology, has spent nearly two decades helping couples build stronger connections. Alongside her husband Wes, a physician assistant in family practice, they explore how the Enneagram has transformed their 24-year marriage and parenting journey. The conversation dives into the dynamics of Christa as a Type 7 (The Enthusiast) and Wes as a Type 1 (The Reformer), exploring how their differences create both challenges and opportunities for growth. They discuss how personality-driven conflicts, like bedtime routines and parenting approaches, can either drive couples apart or deepen connection when handled with understanding and flexibility. Zach, Christa, and Wes also reflect on the evolution of marriage, the value of “practicing” in relationships, and what they’d tell their younger selves about love, commitment, and personal growth. Whether you’re an Enneagram enthusiast or just curious about how personality influences relationships, this episode offers practical wisdom, laughter, and honest insights. Key Takeaways Enneagram as a Relationship Tool Christa explains how the Enneagram helps couples quickly identify strengths, shadows, and growth areas. Opposites Attract—and Complement As a structured, detail-oriented Type 1, Wes values routine and precision. Christa, as a free-spirited Type 7, thrives on spontaneity and joy. They share how understanding their core motivations has helped them balance health, fun, and family life. The Reality of “Practicing” Marriage Both emphasize that marriage is ongoing practice—not perfection. They discuss how “expansiveness practices” help them navigate everyday challenges, like differing bedtime preferences, while honoring each other’s needs. What They’d Tell Their Younger Selves Christa: “Don’t put your partner on a pedestal. Love them for who they are, not who you expect them to be.” Wes: “Focus on what brings you joy together, and you’ll naturally avoid much of the pain couples face.” Parenting with Personality Awareness They share how understanding their children’s Enneagram types (a 4, 9, and 7/6) has transformed their parenting approach. The post Ep 361 – The Enneagram, Marriage, and Finding Joy in the Mess with Christa and Wes Hardin appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
Transcribe →Ep 360 – Boat Night: Conversations Of Love, Loss, and Longing
Feb 18, 2025Tap to summarizeIn this special Boat Night episode of Marriage Therapy Radio, Zach brings listeners into an intimate, long-standing tradition—conversations between close friends about relationships, personal growth, and the realities of marriage. Joined by longtime friends Sean and Greg, the three discuss the importance of having deep, open friendships where men can talk candidly about their relationships, struggles, and personal evolution. The conversation explores whether it’s okay to vent about your partner, how relationships evolve through multiple “marriages” within the same partnership, and the role of death and rebirth in love—not just metaphorically, but through real-life transitions. They also reflect on the greatest love stories of all time, challenging traditional narratives and examining what makes a relationship stand the test of time. With humor, vulnerability, and philosophical insight, Zach, Sean, and Greg navigate topics ranging from romantic expectations to identity and care in relationships, offering listeners a rare glimpse into the kinds of conversations that deepen friendships and marriages alike. Key Takeaways The Importance of Male Friendships and Spaces for Honesty Boat Night is a long-standing tradition where male friends gather to talk candidly about their relationships, families, and personal struggles. Having a trusted space to process relationship challenges doesn’t mean bashing your partner—it means seeking perspective and growth. Are You Allowed to Vent About Your Partner? The difference between “talking sh*t” about your spouse and “talking honestly” about struggles is intention. Healthy venting involves seeking understanding, not just resentment or validation from others. The Reality of Multiple Marriages Within a Marriage Long-term relationships go through different “marriages”—seasons of deep change where partners must recommit to each other in new ways. “If you’ve been married four times to the same person, that means three marriages had to die.” The Greatest Love Stories of All Time Aren’t What You Think Traditional narratives like Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde romanticize young, dramatic love, but real love stories are about long-term commitment, sacrifice, and growth. “In any love story, something has to die—fantasies, expectations, or parts of yourself—to make room for real love.” The Fear of Expressing Desire in Relationships Zach reflects on how he encourages couples to be direct about their needs, yet struggles with openly expressing his own. Many people hesitate to voice their desires because it makes them vulnerable to rejection—or because they’re unsure what they truly want. Who Cares for the Caregiver? As a therapist, Zach often supports others but wonders where he himself finds care and support. He wrestles with the tension between wanting to be strong for others and needing space to be vulnerable himself. The post Ep 360 – Boat Night: Conversations Of Love, Loss, and Longing appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
Transcribe →Ep 359 – Love, Pickleball, and Kitchen Knife Moments with Dr. Stormy Hill and Teri Citterman
Feb 11, 202500:42:48Tap to summarizeStepping into his new role as the solo host, setting the tone for a fresh era of the podcast Zach reflects on what’s ahead, expressing gratitude for listener support and outlining the exciting changes coming to the show. Zach is joined by Dr. Stormy Hill and Teri Citterman https://loveandpickleball.net/, co-authors of In a Pickle: How to Master Love and Pickleball and Not Kill Each Other https://amzn.to/3QdMYhZ. They dive into how pickleball, the fastest-growing sport in the U.S., serves as a fascinating metaphor for relationships. From communication styles to competitive dynamics, they share personal stories and practical takeaways that couples can apply—whether on the court or in everyday life. Even though Zach has never picked up a Pickleball paddle, he enjoys the conversation of how this sport fosters connection, builds emotional intelligence, and even teaches conflict resolution. Whether you’re a seasoned player or someone just curious about how play impacts relationships, this episode offers insight, laughter, and some surprising wisdom. Key Takeaways Pickleball as a Relationship Microcosm Dr. Stormy Hill and Teri Citterman discuss how playing together exposes key relationship dynamics, from communication to trust and teamwork. Couples often face “kitchen knife moments” (times of high frustration), but understanding emotional intelligence and boundaries can turn challenges into growth. Lessons in Play and Connection Playfulness is a vital component of a healthy relationship, and pickleball naturally fosters joy, teamwork, and lighthearted competition. Safe words like “pineapple” and “pumpernickel” (borrowed from intimacy practices) can help couples navigate tension both on and off the court. Avoiding Pickleball Divorces Many couples struggle when one partner is more competitive than the other, leading to frustration on the court. The first and second rules of pickleball? “Don’t be a dick.” Emotional intelligence matters more than skill—whether in pickleball or marriage. Applying Relationship Strategies from the Court Love languages, intention-setting, and non-verbal communication play a huge role in both sports and relationships. Understanding a partner’s strengths and weaknesses, just like in a doubles match, creates more harmony at home. The post Ep 359 – Love, Pickleball, and Kitchen Knife Moments with Dr. Stormy Hill and Teri Citterman appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
Transcribe →Ep 358 – Dr. Emily Nagoski and Richard Stephens
Feb 4, 2025Tap to summarizeIn this episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert, Zach and Laura sit down with renowned sex educator and author Dr. Emily Nagoski and her husband, Richard Stephens, to discuss how Emily’s expertise in sexuality and relationships intersects with their personal lives. Emily, known for her groundbreaking books Come As You Are and Burnout, introduces her latest work, Come Together, which focuses on sustaining sexual connection in long-term relationships. The conversation explores Emily and Richard’s journey as a couple, from their serendipitous meeting on OKCupid to navigating challenges such as perimenopause, long COVID, and the demands of collaborative intimacy. Emily shares insights into her “emotional floor plan” model, which maps how emotions like care, play, and lust interact in relationships, offering couples a practical framework for enhancing connection and pleasure. Richard provides a refreshingly candid and humorous perspective on life with a relationship expert, highlighting the importance of playfulness, empathy, and teamwork. Together, they normalize the struggles that even the most informed couples face, underscoring that expertise does not eliminate life’s challenges—it simply offers tools to address them. Whether you’re looking to deepen intimacy or better understand the dynamics of long-term relationships, this episode is packed with valuable lessons, heartfelt stories, and laughter. Episode Highlights: Emily and Richard’s Love Story:From meeting on OKCupid to their early days as a couple, they reflect on how their shared values and collaborative mindset laid the foundation for their relationship. The Emotional Floor Plan:Emily explains her innovative model for understanding how emotional states influence sexual connection and how couples can use this framework to foster intimacy. Navigating Life’s Challenges:The couple discusses the impact of perimenopause, chronic illness, and other life events on their relationship, sharing how teamwork and humor helped them persevere. Insights from Come Together:Emily introduces key concepts from her new book, emphasizing the importance of pleasure over desire and the role of collaboration in overcoming relational obstacles. Empathy and Playfulness in Relationships:Richard shares how his lighthearted approach complements Emily’s intensity, creating a dynamic that fosters connection and resilience. The post Ep 358 – Dr. Emily Nagoski and Richard Stephens appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
Transcribe →Ep 357 – Terry Real and Belinda Berman-Real
Jan 28, 202500:54:16Tap to summarizeZach and Laura interview Terry and Belinda Berman-Real, diving deep into their personal relationship dynamics and the lessons learned through years of couples therapy and individual healing. The conversation touches on themes of sobriety, trauma, recovery, and the power of relational healing. Zach starts by sharing his journey through recovery and how it has influenced his marriage, while Belinda and Terry provide insights into their own marriage, particularly how they overcame significant challenges stemming from trauma and emotional reactivity. They discuss the importance of repairing relationships through honest, sometimes painful, confrontation and how they’ve evolved from fighting for survival to fighting for love and connection. One of the major takeaways is Terry’s explanation of the concept of “harmony, disharmony, and repair,” emphasizing that no relationship is free from conflict, but the key lies in learning how to repair after the inevitable disruptions. Belinda adds that their journey has been one of learning to regulate themselves and each other in ways that foster love and security, rather than reactivity and defense. They reflect on the impact of their trauma histories and how these experiences not only shaped their early relationship struggles but also led them to profound personal growth. Throughout the episode, Terry and Belinda share real-life stories, making this episode a rich blend of personal insight and professional expertise. Episode Highlights: Sobriety and Growth: Zach reflects on his sobriety journey and how it has paralleled his growth as a partner, highlighting the importance of personal transformation in maintaining a healthy relationship. Trauma and Its Lasting Effects: Terry and Belinda share how their childhood trauma impacted their early relationship, focusing on the process of moving from emotional reactivity to emotional regulation. The Art of Repair: Terry introduces the idea of “harmony, disharmony, and repair,” explaining that relationships aren’t about avoiding conflict but learning to repair after conflict in order to strengthen connection. Partners in Recovery: Belinda and Terry discuss how they see themselves as “partners in recovery,” constantly working on themselves and their relationship to break free from their old patterns and build something stronger. Fighting for Connection, Not Survival: The couple explains how their marriage has transitioned from fighting for survival to fighting for love, and the role that therapy, honesty, and self-awareness have played in that shift. .blog-page-title { color: transparent !important;} The post Ep 357 – Terry Real and Belinda Berman-Real appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
Transcribe →Ep 356 – Drs. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D.
Jan 21, 202500:45:26Tap to summarizeIn this episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert, Zach and Laura get personal with Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt—relationship experts who don’t just teach about marriage, they live it. Get ready for an intimate look at the ups and downs of their own marriage. Spoiler: it wasn’t all smooth sailing! Harville and Helen open up about the times they nearly got divorced—twice! At one point, they even had divorce papers ready to go. But what saved them? They teach couples the very same techniques around the world. You’ll hear how a random trip to a bookstore and a “zero negativity” experiment helped them find their way back to each other. Helen also shares a funny story about trying to “fix” Harville by reorganizing his books and closet—only to realize she was driving him crazy! From learning to approach frustrations with curiosity instead of criticism to recommitting in a powerful New Year’s Eve ceremony, their journey is full of relatable moments and inspiring takeaways. It’s a beautiful reminder that even experts have to work on their relationships, just like the rest of us. What You’ll Learn: How Harville and Helen used their own tools to avoid divorce—twice! The story of their “zero negativity” pact and how it transformed their relationship. Why curiosity and asking your partner the right questions can change everything. The power of recommitment—even after decades together. .blog-page-title { color: transparent !important;} The post Ep 356 – Drs. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
Transcribe →Ep 355 – Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson
Jan 14, 202500:48:01Tap to summarizeIn this first special episode of “So I Married a Relationship Expert”, Zach and Laura sit down with Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson, co-founders of The Couples Institute. This conversation dives deep into the dynamics of relationships, focusing on the developmental stages of couples therapy, the power of differentiation, and essential skills to strengthen partnerships. Known for pioneering the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, Ellyn and Peter share invaluable insights into managing differences, fostering curiosity, and cultivating long-term relationship growth. .blog-page-title { color: transparent !important;} Topics discussed include: The unique journey of Ellyn and Peter, from their chance meeting to building a thriving partnership and business. Key relationship stages, including the often-overlooked “differentiation stage.” How curiosity and resilience are fundamental to a healthy, growing relationship. The transformative power of mini-intensives and two-day intensives for couples, especially for entrepreneur couples. Practical exercises for couples to manage conflict, deepen understanding, and support each other’s dreams. The post Ep 355 – Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
Transcribe →Ep 354 – Going Solo
Jan 7, 2025Tap to summarizeZach embarks on a new chapter as the solo host of the podcast following Laura’s departure. Reflecting on the past seven years, Zach expresses gratitude for the journey and shares his excitement for the future. He introduces fresh ideas, including new interviews, experimental formats, and thought-provoking content, all designed to continue the mission of helping listeners think differently about relationships while offering practical tools for growth. Zach also outlines his vision for the podcast’s future, emphasizing his commitment to creating valuable and engaging content. He reflects on his own relationship, drawing on personal experiences to explore themes of growth, intentionality, and adaptation in partnerships. With humor, sincerity, and a forward-thinking perspective, this episode marks the beginning of a new era for Marriage Therapy Radio. Key Takeaways The Transition to a New Era Zach acknowledges Laura’s departure and shares his determination to continue the podcast’s mission of fostering insight and connection. He outlines upcoming content, including interviews with relationship experts and personal conversations with couples navigating marriage. The Philosophy of “I Never Thought About It That Way Before” Zach emphasizes the importance of encouraging listeners to see relationships in fresh and surprising ways. He recounts a recent marathon therapy session where this approach helped a couple gain new perspectives on their partnership. Practical Tools for Relationship Growth Zach shares three foundational principles for building healthy relationships: Do more of what your partner likes and less of what they don’t. Ask for what you want and practice gratitude when you get it—or adaptability when you don’t. Focus on self-improvement and show up as your best self in the relationship. What’s Ahead for the Podcast Zach teases upcoming content, including interviews with couples, collaborative “boat night” episodes, and a three-week series with a therapist specializing in complex trauma. He invites listener feedback and encourages support through Patreon to help sustain the podcast’s growth. A Message of Gratitude Zach thanks listeners for their continued support and acknowledges the unique dedication it takes to invest in relationships and personal growth. The post Ep 354 – Going Solo appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
Transcribe →Ep 353 – Looking Back and Moving Forward: Laura’s Last Episode
Dec 31, 2024Tap to summarizeZach and Laura reflect on their seven-year journey together as co-hosts. Laura announces her departure from the podcast, sharing her gratitude for the experiences, growth, and connections she’s gained along the way. The episode is filled with nostalgia, humor, and thoughtful reflections as the two discuss their favorite episodes, memorable guest moments, and lessons learned from seven years of talking about relationships. Zach and Laura also look ahead to the new year, discussing resolutions, personal growth, and Laura’s plans to focus on her family and career. From New Year’s challenges to the importance of presence and connection, this final episode with Laura captures the essence of their partnership—insightful, warm, and filled with genuine camaraderie. Key Takeaways Reflections on Seven Years:Zach and Laura reminisce about their favorite episodes, guests, and moments of tension and humor that shaped their partnership. New Year’s Inspiration:Laura discusses her plans to focus on intentionality and self-care in 2024, sharing ideas like daily walks in nature and seven-day challenges for personal growth. Lessons on Relationships:The duo emphasizes the importance of communication, reflection, and making space for growth in relationships—whether with a partner, friends, or oneself. A Message to Listeners:Laura leaves listeners with encouragement to continue focusing on their relationships and striving to be the best versions of themselves. The post Ep 353 – Looking Back and Moving Forward: Laura’s Last Episode appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
Transcribe →Ep 352 – Nostalgia, Transitions, and Holiday Traditions
Dec 24, 2024Tap to summarizeZach and Laura explore the complexities of transitions, nostalgia, and holiday traditions. Laura is feeling proud of her proud of her gym routine, even if her husband hasn’t noticed. Meanwhile, Zach recounts nostalgic moments from a recent trip to his hometown, emphasizing how revisiting the past can offer clarity and a sense of grounding. The conversation also dives into “sliding door” moments, those pivotal decisions that shape our lives. Laura reflects on turning down a high-powered job at Microsoft to pursue a life filled with love, adventure, and personal growth. Zach, on the other hand, ponders alternate paths and how they’ve led him to the life and family he cherishes today. This episode is a blend of humor, heartfelt moments, and meaningful reflections on how we embrace change and the lives we’ve chosen. Reflections on Nostalgia Zach recounts a recent trip to his hometown, filled with memories of childhood friends, old haunts, and transformative moments that shaped his perspective. Sliding Door Moments They both reflect on the life-changing decisions they’ve made, from career moves to relationship choices, and how those decisions created the lives they now cherish. The post Ep 352 – Nostalgia, Transitions, and Holiday Traditions appeared first on Marriage Therapy Radio.
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