← podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
447: It isn’t Possible to Struggle with DUH Donations
00:32:37
My No Mess Decluttering Method takes the emotions out of decluttering. But that doesn’t mean you won’t feel them. Here’s what to do when you start feeling stressed about identifying things in the first three steps. Trash, Easy Stuff,
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Welcome to A Slob Comes Clean, the podcast. I am Dani K. White. I share my personal DES lobbification process as I figure out ways to keep my own home under control. I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people. People who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number447 and I think I'm going to call Isn't possible to struggle with duh donations. Yeah, I have a five step, no mess decluttering process. That process is one that I came up with as I decluttered literal truckloads from my home as I got rid of so much stuff. And I had been attached to all of it. And it was to a point where we could not function very well, really hardly at all in our home because we had so much stuff, right? Like, so I a little bit of my story. If you're new here, welcome. But I hit rock bottom basically, and wanted to be a writer and felt like I couldn't start actually writing until I got my house figured out because my house was holding me back. It was a constant source of shame and frustration. And so I started writing about that on a blog in 2009, anonymously, thinking it was a temporary practice blog. So I worked on my own home and came up with this no mess decluttering process. Because my biggest frustration had always been that every time I tried to declutter, I ended up creating a bigger mess, right? Like, I ended up pulling everything out of the space or making all these piles of sorted items sorted, not sorted, but making all these piles of sorted items and then ended up getting overwhelmed or distracted or life just happened and I had to step away. And then it was like, why did I even start? Because now the whole house is in chaos because what used to be shoved inside a closet is now spread out all over the entire, you know, living room, hallway, whatever, right? So I came up with this no mess decluttering process, which was just, you know, as I worked on my own home. And the beauty of it is that as long as I follow this process, I will only make progress. Okay? Progress and only progress. Which also means I can quit at any time in the middle of it and I will have made progress and I will not have made it worse, which also I shifted my goal from I'm going to be done with this decluttering pro project, whatever. Progress, project and process are all words that are. They all start with pro. And that makes it a little hard because I say those words all the time. But I can step away at any time, which means I can get started at any time because my goal is better and less when I tackle a space. My goal is to make it better. I can't fail it better if I do anything at all. Right? Anyway, the five step process. The first three steps are all non emotional decision free steps. They are number one, trash, number two, easy stuff and number three, duh donations or obvious donations. Okay, that make you go duh. Why do I still have this? That. So I think it's really important to dive into this because occasionally I will hear, well, maybe even more than occasionally I'll hear from someone. Often it is somebody who is just getting started who will tell me I am really struggling with the duh donations, the obvious donation step or I am really struggling with the trash step. I can't seem to get through that step. Okay. And so what I am here to tell you is that it's actually not possible to struggle with obvious donations. It's actually not possible to struggle with the trash step and it's actually not possible to struggle with the easy stuff step if I'm doing those steps correctly.
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Now I'm not saying that this is some strict decluttering process because however you get stuff out of your house is great, right? But I can guarantee progress if you will follow my method. So I think it's important to dive into those three steps and explain why it isn't possible to struggle with those steps in order to give you freedom to not struggle with those steps anymore. Okay. I'm not saying if you struggle with those steps, it's hopeless. I'm actually here to go. If you struggle with that step, that's your sign that you're done with the step, you have already succeeded and move. You're ready to move to the next step if you're struggling with it. Here's what I mean. As I said, these three steps are decision free. They do not have any decisions like, they are angst, decision, analysis, free. Okay, so when I say trash, I'm talking about obvious, actual trash. That's obvious and actual to you. It is all from the perspective of the person who is doing the decluttering. I, yes, I do train people to lead people through this process, but the decisions or the action that doesn't even require a decision all comes down to the person who is actually improving their own space. Okay, so it is your perspective that matters here. It is not my perspective. I'm never going to tell you this is trash. I'm going to let you look for obvious trash. And so if it is not obvious to you, then that's not what we're talking about in this step. Okay? And that's what I mean when I say it's not possible to struggle with obvious trash. Because trash, by definition, my definition, because I wrote the definitions right, is the easiest of the easy stuff. If it feels hard, then that's not what we're talking about. You'll get to that later. There are other steps. Steps four and five are there for the things that are harder. But in the beginning, it's really, truly just a way for me to get started with zero pressure. And so if you're feeling pressure, then it's time to move to the next step. Okay? So my goal here is to take that pressure off of you. And often just the pressure being gone is the thing that makes me realize, okay, oh, wait, I don't have to look and decide and. And wrestle with myself to decide something's trash. No, I am literally just looking for actual trash that's already actual trash to me. Hey, I'm looking at my desk right now. Like, I'm actually talking about, like, right now. And I go, is there. Yes, there is a container of the seaweed snacks that I just ate earlier this morning. Right? Like, that is actual trash. When I just look at my desk and I go, oh, my goodness, I need to decide if some of this stuff is trash, then I automatically am resisting the easiest stuff because I'm in this angst mode and it feels like I need to be making a hard decision, which then help keeps me from being able to see the easy decision. But if I am focused on, you know, what I am only looking for, I am allowed to skip past, ignore, not think about, not analyze anything that doesn't feel easy. I'm just looking to identify if something is easy. Okay? And once I do that, if I find something, awesome. If I don't find anything, I haven't failed. I'M ready to move to the next step. Okay, so do you get what I'm saying? It isn't possible to struggle with the trash step. Because if I'm struggling, that's not obvious trash to me. Okay, so we skip past that or we, we just move to the next step. We're not even saying I'm skipping. I'm just moving to the next step. Because if I get all the way through the five steps, I'm going to deal with every single item in this space and the reality of the size of the space. But it's perfectly fine, right? It's what is trash, obviously, to you, with zero angst, zero analysis, zero decisions. All right, so then I move to the easy stuff. Easy stuff is easy. Right? And what I mean by that, how I define easy, is what in this space do I already know what to do with? Like, what in this space doesn't require any kind of thought or analysis or decluttering questions, or should I should not? No, it's like something, it has an established home already. You know, I'm not deciding on a home at this time. I am literally just saying, is there anything here that I do know where it goes? That's what makes it easy. It might be physically difficult for me to lug that thing to wherever the home is, but we're talking about decision free, easy stuff, like anything. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, there's my headphones. Yes. They go in this cabinet right here. I'm not asking myself the where would I look for first question. Because I don't even have to ask myself that question. I already know where these things go. Okay, so if I come across something that makes me go, oh, no, then that's not what I'm talking about, and that's not what I'm doing in this step. And if I have dealt with the easy stuff, the things that I do know where they should go, like, I do know where they belong, right? Like they already have established homes. Then once I don't see any more things like that, I can move on to the next step. I will always continue to find trash even after I'm on step five. I'll still run across trash. I'll still run across easy stuff. But these first two steps is a matter of looking and saying, you know, what is obvious? Trash. What is obvious? Easy stuff. And let me get it out of here. Every time I take something away when I come back to this space, it is a little bit less visually overwhelming. The fact that it's a little less visually overwhelming means that other things become more obvious to me. Right? That other trash or easy stuff that maybe I didn't see the first time, but that's fine, right? Like, it's perfectly fine if I didn't see it the first time. I can. I could go, is there any trash? I don't see any trash. Okay, well, then successfully move to, like, that first step is look for trash and throw it away if you see it. But if you don't see it, you haven't failed. You just move to the next step. And let's say I didn't see any trash. And then I go, is there anything easy in here? Okay, there's one thing that's easy. Well, I take that thing out, the space becomes a little less visually overwhelming. I may come back and see some trash this time. Great. Trash cans right there. Trash bag, recycle bin, whatever I've got. And then I asked myself, is, what else is easy? Is there anything else in here? Okay, yeah, well, this can go. And it. It builds upon itself. Even if I don't find anything easy. Okay. I haven't failed because it. If it caused a bunch of angst and analysis, it's not easy. Right. And then I go to the third step, which is the obvious donations, which. This is the one that I think made me write it down in my notes to do a podcast on this. Right. I don't remember where was, but somebody was. Was telling me, you know, that they're really struggling with finding obvious donations. And that's why I want to give you the freedom to say that if you're struggling, it's not an obvious donation, you're free to move to the next step. So. So there is no struggle. It isn't possible to struggle over an obvious donation. I think what happens is we see something and the first reaction is, shouldn't have that. Why in the world do I still have my Cabbage patch doll from 1984? Like, what, I don't need that. And. And I shouldn't blah, blah. And, you know, my kid is now older than. She didn't want it and she didn't play with it, and I had saved it for her and blah, blah, and all these things. And so it feels like I'm struggling with an obvious donation, except that if I'm struggling, it's not an obvious donation. Okay? So that means if I'm having those feelings, that's not what I'm talking about in this step. I need to keep moving on to the next step or, you know, skip over that, because it wasn't an obvious donation and see, are there any obvious donations somewhere like that? That isn't one of them. So we can move on. Cold, dry winter weather is no friend to my skin and can leave me with a dry, itchy scalp. I've learned it may not just be the cold weather making my skin dry. Unfiltered Mineral Mineral filled water could be the reason why I didn't know that hard water is a leading cause of damaged hair and dry, irritated skin. About 85% of the United States uses hard water filled with dissolved minerals and added chlorine. That's where Canopy's filtered shower heads come in. Canopy, known for their beauty hacks and reimagined humidifier, has an awesome filtered shower head including handheld version. Their unique three stage filtration system is recommended by dermatologists and it greatly reduces contaminants and odors in your shower water, leaving you with healthy hair and glowing skin. 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Rinse has been a huge help, so she can let someone else deal with laundry. With Rinse's app or via their website, you can schedule your pickup any day of the week. Rinse picks up your clothes professionally, cleans them, and then delivers them straight back to your door. Finding something that makes life easier makes me giddy. And there's nothing easier than picking up your phone and scheduling a pickup with the Rinse app. Sign up@rinse.com and get $20 off your first order. That's R I N S E dot com. So those first three steps are all angst free, decision free. They are all designed to not require emotional energy to be spent. Okay, yes. It's divided into three steps just to give you specific things to look for. But not finding those things is not failure. It suggests you're ready to go to the next thing. Okay, if you feel bewildered, if you feel like you're struggling, if you feel guilty, if you feel frustrated, if you feel angsty, any of those feelings, then you go, okay, well then that, that isn't part of this step. And I don't have to worry about it right now. I just want to give you that freedom to know that. Okay, so when you move to the next step, you're going to deal with everything. You know, I know I had a been a couple years now, but, you know, I did a podcast with someone who officially, you know, struggles with hoarding disorder, right. And so she was talking about how she had found success and she never had been able to before with the five step process. With my five step no mess process. Right. And so she, she specifically said, I can't see trash. That is part of her struggle. She can't see trash. So not being able to see trash doesn't mean you can't do this process. It just means you look, you're like, okay, I didn't see any trash. I'm going to move to the next thing. So she found her example that she gave was even was that the two decluttering questions help her with every single thing. Even what somebody else would say is trash, right? So she'll pick up the gum wrapper and say out loud, if I needed this gum wrapper, where would I look for it first? And then her brain would, would answer in the trash can. Right? Like that's where it should go. But even if your brain doesn't answer the trash can and says, oh, I would look for a used gum wrapper in, you know, the specific drawer over there, Whatever, take it there now, like, follow it all the way out. Because here's the other thing. When you have been shamed in the past, the reaction is, oh, no, I can't do this thing. Right? You don't trust any of your own. Or maybe some of you don't trust your own instincts in this. Right? This process is meant for you to learn to trust your own instincts and yet still not keep things that don't have a place in your home and don't need to stay in your home, right? So it's. This is the way to carry it all the way out. So if I'm just saying, is this gum wrapper trash? Is it not? Is it trash? Is it not? Is it trash? Is it not? I'm stuck, so I don't want to be stuck. So I move on to the next thing. Is it trash? Doesn't look like trash to me. Okay, then I'm going to move on. But when you get to the point of, where would I. If I needed a used gum wrapper, an empty used gum wrapper, where would I look for it first? Then you carry it all the way out. And for her, she realized, oh, wait, I would never go looking for a used gum wrapper. But if you have, oh, actually, I do crafts with used gum wrappers. Okay. Like, there's no shaming in this process. It is just, we're going to carry it all the way out. Okay, then go take it to where you would look first for this craft project that you say you would use. Use gum wrappers. Well, sometimes it's a. I just had an ambiguous idea of, you know, what you could do with a used gum wrapper is you could make a miniature mirror for a dollhouse. You could use that gum wrapper, and it would be. It would be kind of shiny and silvery. See, this is how my brain works, y'all. I could do this stuff anyway. It's the reason I have to use the container concept and not could I ever use it. I can't use that in my whole thing. Right? Like, and we're not asking, could I ever use it? Instead we're saying, if you needed a used gum wrapper, where would you look for it first? So we're not asking, why would you need a used gum wrapper? Because I can come up with, okay, you may do this. It's off the Top of my head, I could make a mirror for a dollhouse. I could use it as foil in the Barbie house to, you know, wrap up leftover Barbie food. I could use it as foils on the Barbie's hair in the beauty shop for a Barbie. I could. I don't know. I'm sure I could come up with a lot of other things that I could do with it. Right. I'm just telling you. That's why we don't ask these questions. That's why we don't ask, could I ever use it? Is it useful? Is it, you know, is it a good thing? Of course it's a good thing. Right? But instead we say, if I needed this, where would I look for it first? Okay, so if I. Yeah, I could totally use that in a craft. All right. Where would I look for it first? If I don't actually have a place where I would look for it first, that's what will trigger in my brain through the second decluttering question. Would it ever occur to me they already had one, that actually it needs to go. But if I have a place where I would look first for gum wrappers, then I need to take it there now and face the reality of that space. Is this space already full to the top with gum wrappers? Okay, it's already full to the top with gum wrappers because I've been sticking them here for the last six years thinking I was going to make one Barbie mirror. And in reality, I never have. So this one can go. So it carries it all the way out. It solves the problem. But, y'all, every time I do that, and I have to go through this whole process, the next time I have something similar, either another gum wrapper or another similar type item, the experience that I had in doing it that one time of going all the way up the stairs and then down the hallway and then up to the attic stairs. I don't know. We don't have attic stairs in Texas, but you know what I mean? Maybe people do, but I don't. But, you know, all this way, I'm going through all this trouble for a silver gum wrapper, and I get there and I realize, oh, my goodness, there's like 10 years worth of gum wrappers in here. What? You know, that experience is the thing that next time, whether it's a gum wrapper or something else, it's going to look different to me because I'm going to have experience of, oh, actually, you know what? That can go. And so now it might be obvious Trash to me. The next 10 gum wrappers might be obvious trash to me, right? But carrying it through, there is going to be a solution if it's not obvious trash right now. That's not what I'm talking about, okay? If you look for trash and someone else would say, there is so much trash here and you don't see it, you still succeeded because you were looking for obvious trash to you, okay? And you get to move to the next step. And it's the same way with donations, right? Like, I named this one. What did I name it? I. What did I name this one? I named this one. It isn't possible to struggle with debt donations, okay? When I wrote decluttering at the speed of life, I used DUH donations. And people often really, really want to know what DUH stands for. And I think some people even made up some stuff that it stands for, which was really cute, but I can't remember what it was. But I'm always like, no, it doesn't stand for anything. It's not. It's not decluttering unused home something. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, like the actual thing that I say because I am a child of the 80s, duh, when I realized, wait, why do I already have this? So some examples of DUH donations are shoes that hurt my feet. That if I am looking at my closet and I have it as a category in my head of what is actually something that can obviously go, then that's when I'm looking at my closet and I. And it reveals itself to me that, wait, those shoes hurt my feet. Wait, those jeans fall down. You know, they don't fit my body shape or whatever. Oh, that sweater is too itchy. You know, those are the things. But. But often if I. Well, not often, but the reality is, if I don't ask myself the question, are there any obvious donations in this space with purpose, purposefully asking, is there anything obvious in here? Then I don't see it. I'm just kind of looking at everything going, there's so much. And I know there's stuff in here I should get rid of. But having a category of is there trash? Is there anything I already know what to do with that belongs somewhere else? Easy stuff. Is there anything that is an obvious donation frees me to just go ahead and get those things out and every single thing that leaves during these first three steps, these decision free steps makes it less overwhelming and there's fewer items for me to go through one by one, asking Myself, the decluttering questions about, okay, so I look at this space and I give myself permission to just look for the most obvious of obvious things. But if I look at my shoes and I'm like, well, this one hurts my feet and this one is, you know, from before I had kids. And so they're too small now because your feet grow when you're pregnant, you know, and. Oh, this one. Yeah, these are out of style. Whatever. Okay? I got rid of all that. And then I come across and I'm doing great. And then I come across one and I go, oh, these hurt my feet too. But I really love them. And they're literally the only thing that I can wear with any, any dress at all. And they're closed toed. And I just don't have anything else that I can wear with this category of clothing that's close toed for the summer, not summer, winter. Like, that's my brain. And so I'm starting to go, oh, yes, these, these should be obvious. These should. These, these shoes should be obvious. But they just. I don't know, I just can't make myself. Then they're not obvious. Okay? And that angst, that, that feeling, that bewilderment means I'm off base. It means that that's not a donation. So that was the point of the title of this podcast. It isn't possible to struggle with duh, obvious donations. Okay? If it is, you know, easy stuff like, oh, yes, I already. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, what's easy? I need. I know where this needs to go. Okay. It's something that already has an established home. Yes, my headphones have an established home. Wait, where was that? Hope? Wait, what did I say I was gonna do with those? Oh, my goodness. Oh, yes, I know what to do with these. I know in that situation, it's not actually easy anymore because I'm having all that, those angsty feelings. And if it's not actually easy anymore, then I need to skip it. I've heard about these things called peptides that are supposed to keep my skin soft and youthful and healthy. But the peptides in some products just sit on top of your skin. That's where OneSkin's OsO1 peptide is different. It goes deeper. It's scientifically formulated to go deeper into the layers of your skin cells, improving collagen production, hydration, and skin barrier function. Try Oneskin with an exclusive 15% off your first purchase using code ASCC at ONESKINCO. I have always struggled with dry skin and the OS 01 face that I've been using has helped so much in combating this issue for me. Founded and led by an all woman team of skin longevity scientists, Oneskin is redefining the aging process with their proprietary OSO1 peptide, the first ingredient proven to help skin look, feel and behave like its younger self. Get 15% off with code ASCC at OneSkin co. That's 15% off OneSkin with Code Ascc. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Invest in the health and longevity of your skin with Wenskin. Your future self will thank you.
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All right, so we went through that, talked about it's not actually possible to struggle with any of the first three steps of my no mess decluttering process. If you are like, I need to understand this process. I recommend that you go to that you read Decluttering at the Speed of Life. It's available at most libraries. If yours doesn't have it, ask them to order it. Usually you'll be the first person on the list if, if they, you know, order it and you're the one who requested it because it has all of it in one place. And you can listen to it or you can read it on digitally or paper, whatever you want. Like whatever you like to read books. That's how you can consume that book. And it will take you all the way through, changing your mindset about your space and your stuff all the way through the process and the process applied to all different kinds of situations. Okay? And it will really bring it all together. But just know right now if you're listening and you're like, well, I need to, I need to get that book. This is the first podcast that I've listened to. Look for trash. Look for trash in any space, but specifically in the most visible space in your home. The space that you see, that your family sees, that people would see when they enter your home. Or that would be the space that if it's messy, you it makes you not want to let people enter your home, right? Like, go to those spaces and start with the trash. Start with the easiest of the easy stuff, knowing that you cannot fail. If your goal is better, if you do even one thing, if you can throw away trash, if you can't throw away trash, if you don't see any trash at all, then move to the next step. That's not a failure. You're not skipping that step. You did the step of looking for trash. You were successful even if you didn't see any, because it has to be obvious to qualify for that step. And if you didn't see any, then it wasn't obvious to you. And ask yourself for the next step. Is there anything in this space that's easy? Is there anything that already has a home? I just need to take it there? Ask yourself that question, look around, and if you see something, awesome. If you don't see anything, okay, you haven't failed, you move to the next step and you ask yourself, okay, is there anything in this space that is an obvious donation? If there is nothing in here that's an obvious donation to you, then you haven't failed. You're just ready to move to the next step. But here's the thing. Even let's say it can feel like I am not making any progress because all three of those steps, nothing was obvious to me. It's perfectly fine, okay? Because you've got the fourth step of item by item. Pick up every single thing and say, if I needed this item, where would I look for it first? Take it there. Now, if you don't have a place where you would look for it, ask yourself, if I needed this item, would it occur to me that already had one? Right? And if I wouldn't go looking for it, that means it would never occur to me. If I insist that it would occur to me, then that means I need to go back and say, okay, then there has to be a place where I would look for it first. If I knew that it was in my house and I was going to go looking for it, there has to be a place where I would look for it first. And remember, the place where I would look for it first is not a place of confidence. Because that is the stuff from easy stuff step into, right? It is the stuff that I assume I'm going to be searching my entire house, tearing everything apart for three hours. Where's the first place where I would look? Right? So that's that. But we're not Getting into that right now. But even when you get to that fourth step, there is value in the fact that you went successfully through the first three steps, even if you didn't actually get rid of anything in the first three steps. Right. Because over the course of you looking for trash, you have looked at the space. Over the course of you then looking for easy stuff, seeing if there was anything that you already knew what to do with, you've looked at this space some more, even if you didn't get anything out with the easy stuff step, and you got to the duh, donations, the obvious donations, and you looked at things and you thought, I don't see anything that's obvious, and you had to skip on, move on to the next step. You were successful in all of those. And with each of those steps, you've looked at what's in this space. And here's the thing. So many times, the thing about clutter that is so overwhelming is that it is the unknown. I know that that closet needs to be decluttered. I kind of have an idea of some things that are in there, but there's a lot of stuff I have no idea. And if I think there might even be one thing in there that's important, it feels like everything in there is important. And if that is the case, then it all feels overwhelming to me, which is the reason why I put off decluttering. So these steps are designed to work me through the clutter even when I'm overwhelmed. Especially when I'm overwhelmed. But the fact that I have looked means that it is no longer the unknown. There may be stuff at the bottom of the pile that I haven't seen, but it is no longer an unknown space. I know. And there is power in your brain knowing what it is that you're going to be facing. And that is a big part of the reason why, like I said, I may look for trash and not see any trash, and then I may look for easy stuff and get rid of a couple things. And when I come back from, you know, taking the easy things to their already established homes, when I come back, all of a sudden I can see trash. The first time I saw it, I was like, the second time I see it, I already knew it was there. And my brain adjusts and goes, oh, that's trash. Yeah, right. Like, it's amazing. That is the look. Look. Always look. These three steps help to achieve that very powerful decluttering strategy of look. Avoiding it and assuming and being overwhelmed by the idea of what you think might be in there. I did that a lot. It never got me anywhere right. But these first three steps make me look at the space and look at what's in it, which naturally reduces the feeling of being overwhelmed by this space. Okay. All right. I hope this was helpful. Just a quick reminder that my newest book, Jesus Doesn't Care about your Messy House is out now. If you have read it, I would so greatly appreciate you going to leave a review. I have loved reading the reviews so far. Y'all know I was nervous about putting this book out, but it's been so fun to see it, both the reviews, both from Christians and non Christians, and it's just been really, really fun to get to see that. So I hope this was helpful and I will talk to y'all next week. Bye.