454: Tackling a Space Full of Generational Clutter

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dana K. White's "A Slob Comes Clean" – Episode 454: Tackling a Space Full of Generational Clutter

In episode 454 of Dana K. White’s podcast, A Slob Comes Clean, titled “Tackling a Space Full of Generational Clutter”, host Dana delves into the intricate relationship between clutter and grief with her guest, Lori, a seasoned nurse grappling with her own experiences of loss and the subsequent accumulation of sentimental belongings.

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1. Introduction

Dana K. White opens the episode by promoting her fourth book, Jesus Doesn't Care about Your Messy House, which explores the spiritual dimension of decluttering and addresses the shame associated with a disorganized home. She introduces the episode’s focus on grief-related clutter and introduces Lori, a dedicated Patreon member eager to share her journey.

Dana K. White [00:00]: “My goal is to help you find freedom from that shame so you can move forward.”

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2. Guest Introduction and Background

Lori shares her personal background, painting a vivid picture of her life as an empty nester, a long-time nurse, and a passionate quilter. She reveals the challenges of transitioning from a demanding 3 to 11 work schedule to a more conventional 9 to 5, alongside the recent milestone of paying off her mortgage. Lori discusses the clutter in her attic, inherited over 30 years, which she has rarely addressed until now.

Lori [02:10]: “We’ve lived in the same house now for 30 years. Just recently paid off the mortgage and dealing with some of the stuff from the attic that got put up there the day we moved in.”

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3. The Connection Between Clutter and Grief

The conversation swiftly transitions to how clutter often intertwines with grief. Lori, drawing from her extensive experience as a nurse, explains how grief can manifest physically in the form of accumulated possessions. She emphasizes her struggle to let go of items tied to lost loved ones and unfinished personal projects.

Lori [07:32]: “Now as I’m getting older and more people in my life have passed away and no longer with us. That’s the stuff I’m having the hardest time letting go with.”

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4. Practical Strategies for Tackling Generational Clutter

a. Five-Step Decluttering Process

Dana introduces her five-step decluttering process, specifically tailored to address grief-related clutter. She underscores the importance of a structured approach to navigate the emotional complexities of letting go.

Dana K. White [00:00]: “In Decluttering at the Speed of Life, my book where I teach you my five step no mess decluttering process, specifically on grief and the reality of clutter and grief.”

b. The "Finishing a Project" Concept

Dana praises the concept of completing unfinished projects as a means to facilitate decluttering. Lori shares her positive experience with finishing a Christmas quilt, highlighting how completing such projects aids in letting go of clutter.

Lori [12:39]: “One I did manage to get done and out… I found a Christmas quilt and I was able to get that to another person that I knew they would understand.”

c. Container Concept

Lori discusses her aspiration to reorganize her sewing space, aiming to implement the container concept to streamline her quilting materials. Dana reinforces the idea, suggesting practical steps to integrate fabrics into designated areas, thereby reducing clutter in the attic.

Dana K. White [33:07]: “So, it’s that same thing of, you know, kind of like on the first floor, you love it, and you’re like, we got it to where we wanted it to be because it’s all functional now.”

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5. Specific Challenges with Quilting Projects and Fabric

Lori elaborates on her quilting passion, detailing how unfinished projects and excess fabric have become burdensome. She shares anecdotes about inherited quilts and fabrics from relatives, underscoring the emotional weight these items carry.

Lori [10:26]: “I have six, and I used to have eight, because I successfully got two of these anivia. Six large quilts from the 1800s that aren’t even mine.”

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6. Addressing Multi-Generational Clutter in the Attic

The discussion moves to the broader issue of multi-generational clutter stored in Lori’s attic. She describes how items from her parents and grandparents exacerbate her decluttering efforts, making it feel overwhelming.

Lori [24:14]: “I have other people’s stuff that they couldn’t process. And literally sometimes I feel like I’m choking because I have to process it.”

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7. Emotional Aspects and Letting Go

Dana and Lori delve deep into the emotional turmoil associated with decluttering sentimental items. They explore the dual layers of grief—mourning lost individuals and the identity associated with hobbies like quilting.

Dana K. White [18:40]: “It’s that process of going through it and see if the next one, you know, you can work through it.”

Lori [19:49]: “I like the idea. And maybe picking like I got a. The stuff that’s kind of closest to get done is a lot of Christmas stuff…”

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8. Handling CDs and Records

Shifting focus, Lori discusses the nostalgic yet non-functional collections of CDs and records she and her husband possess. They ponder the practicality of retaining these items and explore solutions like upgrading equipment to make use of the collections.

Lori [40:09]: “We go, we got my husband and mine, you know, record collection because we’re children of the 60s and 70s.”

Lori [46:28]: “Oh, definitely. The records sound more fun to me.”

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9. Building Momentum and Mindset Shifts

Dana emphasizes the importance of mindset in decluttering, encouraging Lori to adopt non-committal approaches and celebrate small victories. They discuss how each completed step fosters momentum, making future decluttering tasks more manageable.

Dana K. White [35:33]: “You’re going through that experience, and now you have the experience kind of like we talked about before. Like, experience is so powerful in decluttering.”

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10. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Lori expresses gratitude for the actionable strategies discussed and acknowledges the impact of sharing stories within a supportive community. Dana reiterates the value of her Patreon community and invites listeners to join for more personalized support.

Lori [48:22]: “I adore hearing your stories because… we can see ourselves better sometimes through other people.”

Dana K. White [48:54]: “We apply the same processes to unique situations, and they still work.”

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Key Takeaways

• Emotional Clutter: Clutter is often intertwined with grief, making the decluttering process emotionally charged.
• Structured Approach: Implementing a five-step decluttering process can provide a clear path through the emotional and physical challenges of letting go.
• Finishing Projects: Completing unfinished projects can serve as a therapeutic method to reduce clutter and honor personal passions.
• Mindset Shifts: Adopting new perspectives, such as the container concept and relinquishing the need for a perfect home for items, facilitates easier decluttering.
• Community Support: Sharing experiences within a community offers validation and practical insights, making the decluttering journey less isolating.

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Notable Quotes

• Dana K. White [00:00]: “Jesus Doesn't Care about your Messy House… deals with the shame that so many of us feel over our messiness.”
• Lori [07:32]: “I know, I forgot which, which of the who said it. But you know, you don’t have to find it a good home. It’s not a cat.”
• Dana K. White [33:07]: “This is our goal to have all our fabric fit into my sewing room… where I have all of a place to go and let those things decide.”

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Final Thoughts

Episode 454 of A Slob Comes Clean offers a compassionate exploration of the challenges associated with decluttering spaces laden with generational and sentimental items. Through Lori’s candid conversation, listeners gain valuable insights into addressing not just the physical aspects of clutter but also the deep-seated emotions tied to it. Dana K. White’s empathetic guidance and structured strategies provide a roadmap for anyone seeking to reclaim their space and peace of mind.

Transcript

[Dana K. White]

Hey y'all. I wanted to be sure you know that my fourth book is now available wherever books are sold. This is the book where I tackle the spiritual side of my desalabification process. My first three books don't have any spiritual content. They're full of the strategies that will take you from overwhelmed in your home to knowing exactly what to do to get your house under control. But this new book, Jesus Doesn't Care about yout Messy House, deals with the shame that so many of us feel over our messiness. My goal is to help you find freedom from that shame so you can move forward. Go to aslobcomes clean.com book book to find links to all my books in all of their formats. Welcome to A Slob Comes Clean, the podcast. I am Dana K. White. I share my personal des lob ification process as I figure out ways to keep my own home under control. I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people. People who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number 454 and I think I'm going to call it Tackling a Space Full of Generations of Clutter. So I am talking with one of my Patreon people today and we are talking about grief and the reality of grief and her own grief related clutter. She's very experienced with grief. As a nurse she's helped a lot of people navigate through grief, but now she's having to do that herself. And I think you're gonna love this conversation. It was a great conversation. And just know that there is a chapter at the back of Decluttering at the Speed of Life. My book where I teach you my five step no mess decluttering process, specifically on grief and the reality of clutter and grief. So just wanted you to know that that is there.

[Lori]

It's available wherever books are sold.

[Dana K. White]

Most libraries have it. If yours doesn't, you can always request.

[Lori]

That they get it.

[Dana K. White]

Okay, here is my conversation.

[Lori]

Lori, thank you so much for being willing to come on the podcast. I'm excited to talk to you. Tell me a little bit about yourself and your unique life situation.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, I'm excited to be here. I'm married. We've been together for over 47 years now. Oh wow, that's great. Two daughters, both of now who are now out of the house. So we're empty nesters. And I've been a nurse for almost 40 years and for about 37 of that I worked 3 to 11 when the kids were little, but now I'm working 9 to 5, which is a big change for me. We've lived in the same house now for 30 years. Just recently paid off the mortgage and dealing with some of the stuff from the attic that got put up there the day we moved in, and nobody but me has seen it since.

[Lori]

Yeah, yeah, I can understand that.

[Dana K. White]

So.

[Lori]

Okay, well, let's, let's talk about that. So you, you said you've had a schedule change, right?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. For 37 years I've worked three to 11 and I used to joke that before I, I went to work, I cooked and I cleaned and when I came home, everything I cleaned was dirty and everything I cooked was gone.

[Lori]

Oh, so do you enjoy, do you like the nine to five better?

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, yeah. Particularly now with the kids are gone 3 to 11. We were all too, I was too lonesome and my husband was too lonesome because he was the basic carer for the kids. Getting the homework done and baths and driving here and driving there. Major person for that for decades. Yeah.

[Lori]

So you had the opposite schedules of each other.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I lived in fear that my kids were going to tell everybody that we were separated because for long periods of time they would never see us together.

[Lori]

Oh, wow. Yeah, no, that could be a big challenge. But y'all made it work, so.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, that's good.

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[Lori]

Okay, well, let's talk about some things that are working well for you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Definitely the five minute pickup. I work out five minutes into making my morning coffee. So as a wait, we do old fashioned coffee. And so while I'm waiting for that to do its thing, that's the perfect time for me to usually do a dish or two and clean up the kitchen while I'm waiting.

[Lori]

How much do you find that you're able to do in that period of time?

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, now that there's just the two of us, the kitchen's completely cleaned and the dishwasher is empty.

[Lori]

That's great.

[Unnamed Guest]

Walk away. Beautiful. As far as I'm concerned.

[Lori]

Well, yeah. And that tying of two things together is such a natural reminder, because I find that for myself, like, I'm never going to forget to drink my coffee in the morning.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like, same here. Right.

[Lori]

Like, I feel like it's so. It's so funny to me. Not funny. It's probably also, like, some weird thing, too. But, like, with your phone, you know, I'm like, I have always been one to lose all sorts of things, but I basically never lose my phone. You know, I mean, because you're so, like, driven to make sure you know where that is, because that's your connection to the world or whatever. Okay, well, I love that you've done that. What's something else that's working well for you?

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, just today, in preparation for this, I had a spare 15 minutes, and I just went upstairs and look, look. Always look. Went. Grabbed a box in the attic as I was taking it, taking out the Christmas decorations and a box that I just assumed was my father's ho train set. I decided to open it up, and lo and behold, I found three unfinished Christmas projects.

[Lori]

Really? What were they?

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, my other big problem is I'm a quilter. And that's one of the things I love, being kindred spirits. I get to hear about all the, you know, the teachers who have their, you know, lesson plans that they don't want to let go of, and the quilters that have fabrics and more fabrics and patterns than. We have days left to live.

[Lori]

Yeah, yeah. No, I. That. That's really interesting. I find that even I've been doing this for so long, and I will still have things that I'm like, oh, I know what that is. And I have to remind myself, Dana, don't assume. Don't assume that you know what that is, because looking might be the thing that makes you realize, oh, I can actually just let go of this or whatever. That's great. So tell me something that you want to discuss today.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, I mean, I was listening to your book A Slob Comes Clean as I was driving, and I pretty much almost drove off the road when you talked about clutter and grief and the connection.

[Lori]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Because being a nurse, I particularly worked with Alzheimer's patients for decades, and so I'm being a quilter also. I know lots of older people and other. Some, actually lady I worked with decades ago, I walked into her house as a teenager. Oh, my God. You know, it was a hoarding situation. But all with priceless antiques all around her and then coming to know her that she had had a lot of traumatic grief in her life. Right. And now that I'm getting older, I see that more in myself now. Now as I've gotten older and more people in my life have passed away and no longer with us. That's the stuff I'm having the hardest time letting go with. I had no problem, in fact, with your help with your five step process, I just. We just put all new floors on our first floor. And doing that, we were able to get rid of tons of stuff. Oh, this is just garbage. This is still. And by the time we had the floors completely done, the living room and dining room kitchen was just the way we want. And we're, we're so happy, you know, we're so happy with that. But the, the situation is still the. The attic, you know, and like I said, I'm a quilt. A quilter. So I have lots of projects that. Yeah. Lots of quilts and lots of things I started to make for people or bought the fabric with this, with this quilt and this person that mine. And for me, my personal grief is just not that person. Not being there and not giving the things to the people before they go.

[Lori]

Okay, so. So we're, we're talking about both the grief of the person that it makes you, that you've attached this item to in your, in your mind, but also the identity clutter of you as a quilter and not getting it done in time to be what it envisioned. Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's a lot to be the business. And not to mention. Yeah, and that's, that's the heaviest emotion part for me. And not to mention my father's ho trains pictures. Oh my goodness. On both sides of I and my husband's family, everybody loved photography. I have 10 types. Yeah. I have pictures back to the 1850s.

[Lori]

Let's start with just the quilting projects. Okay, let's talk about that specifically, because that's what we talked about first. Talking about both the grief side of it and the identity side of it. And so the identity side is a lot to do with grief on its own. Even if we weren't in the situation where you'd actually lost. Lost the person so many times. That's the reality of. Oh, I didn't. I mean, I am the queen of great ideas that I never followed through with. Right.

[Unnamed Guest]

And then.

[Lori]

And I had such a vision. Right. Of how it was going to go and how appreciative people were going to be and the meaningfulness of it. So that's its own grief of acknowledging I didn't do that in time or I missed this opportunity. But then we're also talking about the actual, you know, I don't want to call it traditional grief, but our traditional understanding of grief in actually losing a person. So since I am not a mental health professional, which I always try to make sure I tell people, which, you know. Right. But let's, let's talk about it from the clutter aspect. Okay. So are these items things that are making it harder for you to function in your home?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, because they're in the attic and, you know, they're not in the way. They're, you know, I don't have to step over them or, you know.

[Lori]

Okay, yeah, but what about. You've brought up the attic multiple times today already. So physically they're not in your way, which is great. Right. You have room for. Seems like it's something that's weighing on you. Is that correct?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yes. Yeah.

[Lori]

Okay. Because at some point the attic will have to be dealt with.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lori]

And so, I mean, you know, in.

[Unnamed Guest]

A three story house and the attic, third story. So. Yeah.

[Lori]

Okay. Yeah. One way or another, somehow, some way, somebody's going to have to deal with that attic. Right. So it feels like that is. Is part of the issue. Are these things, these quilts that never got finished or is there a desire to actually finish them?

[Unnamed Guest]

One I did manage to get out, done and out. And by the way, I want to compliment you. You said something a couple of weeks ago that I just thought was pure genius, especially for us quilters, and that was finishing a project is the quarter.

[Lori]

Right, right.

[Unnamed Guest]

So I was actually able to complete. I. Last year I found a Christmas quilt and I was able to get that to another person that I knew they would understand.

[Lori]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Where I was going with this quilt.

[Lori]

Are these ones that were started and not finished in time, what stage are they generally at?

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, anything from quilt top to quilted to fabric was bought but not gone anywhere.

[Lori]

The ones that are quilted but not put into. I forget the terms. I don't know the terms.

[Unnamed Guest]

Sandwich. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lori]

Okay. That are, that are like partially there. Do you do the actual quilting yourself or do you send that off to be done? You do it yourself?

[Unnamed Guest]

I do it.

[Lori]

Okay. Okay. So those items that are close to being finished, would they be things that once they were finished, you would feel able to let them go to someone else or use them in a different way?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yes. Well, I'm finding my Traditionally I would create it and then, you know, want to find it a good home. But I'm getting better, I think, because. Because of the process of letting go of so many things. The other brilliant saying, I forgot which, which of the who said it. But you know, you don't have to find it a good home. It's not a cat.

[Lori]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's something that Cass has said.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah. I think that's brilliant too because I. That was my piles that were downstairs in the living room. Whereas usually things where I was intending to take it to their good home and it never got to their good home or whatever. And I feel a lot of that upstairs in the attic too, that I. The good home I intended them to go to doesn't exist anymore.

[Dana K. White]

Right.

[Lori]

But you've gained. You're a different person now than you were the last time you thought about finishing these things and getting them to someone. Right. Like you, you just said you've learned something. What you're talking about is for those who aren't aware like in the take your house back course. Right. I know Cass, during the. One of the all day declutters made this statement of like, you don't have to re home this item. It's not a cat. Right. Like it's. You don't have to find the bet. Very best place for it to live. Which is a great thing that I know impacted so many people's mindset on this. So because you have changed your mindset on that, you are different now, right? Like you have gained decluttering experience. You've gotten to the point where you're willing to just let things go so that they can go be something. And it's not necessarily the perfect home. Because finding that perfect home is so often, almost always probably the thing that keeps it keeps the stuff inside the house, right? Like that keeps the clutter from actually leaving the house. Is that idea that we've got to find the perfect home for it. So that mentality for you is different now than it was before when thinking about these things. And I think that that's, that's something that we have to be so aware of. Is that my reaction that I had maybe before you read Decluttering at the speed of Life or before you worked on your downstairs and redid the flooring and experienced the power of the five step process and you got rid of so much stuff. I mean, you were so excited when you just told me that, like it's exactly what we wanted it to be. And so you now you're a different person than you were before when you would just look at clutter and try to think about, oh, I gotta do all this now. You're like, oh, I really like my house being under control.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Lori]

Right. You know, and it's. It's not that you didn't like it before, but it's just a different thing.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. When we were dropping things off at, you know, the local charity shop, we were positively getting.

[Dana K. White]

Yes.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lori]

And so. So you're different. Meaning when you go up to these things. Yes. You. The grief is still real, you still love these people, you miss them, you still regret, you know, the. The identity that you had of being the person to present them with this thing. And then that ran out of time and you did, you know, so all of that is still there, but you're. You're in a different place because of how you look at clutter differently. And so, you know, you just said that the power of that idea that you can finish the project and call it decluttering. Like, I would say pick the easiest one to actually finish, like, which one is the closest to being finished, and do that and let it go, and then, you know, go through them that way so that you're getting the joy of actually finishing. Knowing that, yes, it's hard, but at the same time, I'm different now, and I want this thing to go out and, you know, live a life as a quilt, because there's a lot of people who are going to enjoy that and appreciate that. Right. And that also, I feel like sometimes too. Well, I don't feel like I know that the reality of grief is that you have to walk through it. Right. Like, we can't. You have experience dealing, you know, helping people through these process. Like, there is no avoiding of it. There's no going around it. There's no. We can try to avoid it. I believe that clutter can be the physical manifestation of avoiding grief.

[Dana K. White]

Right.

[Lori]

Like, I'd rather just not look at it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yep, yep.

[Lori]

Right. But when I work through the clutter, that is me walking through the grief. And so it may be very difficult. Right. Like, there may be some of these quilts that the person, you know, that you're remembering, that's going to be a hard one. So maybe pick the easiest one that's the closest to being finished and work through that one. Don't wear mascara. Let yourself cry if you need to. I mean, you know, it's tough, it's hard, but it also will be part of that, that process of going through it and then see if the next one, you know, you can work through it. But I think it's that giving yourself permission to feel the feelings, knowing that this is part of the grief process and that grief is honoring to the person, I believe. Right. Like, I mean, just ignoring it, ignoring the stuff in the attic and letting it be a weight on you is to me less honoring than going through the actual grieving process. How's that make you feel?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah, I like the idea. And maybe picking like I got a. The stuff that's kind of closest to get done is a lot of Christmas stuff because I always run out of time by the end of the year. And that's also the less emotional, less further back. You know, that was, you know, I just didn't finish it last year. So there's a lot of that I can get through to it. The bigger quilts. Yeah, I can just choose the least emotionally, you know, attached to things at a time that's the most further along in its little process of getting done.

[Lori]

Every time you do one of the ones that you know is going to be a little less emotional and you feel the feelings and you get through it again, you're a different person at the end of each time. You have, you have experience now going through this that you didn't have before. It doesn't mean that it's not going to be really hard to go through the next one. But you're different because you have that experience.

[Dana K. White]

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[Unnamed Guest]

What'S.

[Lori]

Something else you want to talk about? I'm sorry, I know we kind of went heavy there from the beginning.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, well, you know, I signed up for grief, so there you go, you know. Yeah. And like I said, I got pictures. I was hex as a collector as a child. Used to love to go to yard sales at 12 years old and pick up antique. When we were first setting up our first apartment, I and my friends in this area, we used to have big garbage day where you it was free to put out anything and we would go around with a truck and we furnished at least three apartments that way.

[Lori]

Oh, I love it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, but I got a lot of that upstairs where it's like oh my goodness. And a lot of things of relatives that my kids, you know, they're going to be the poor people that are going to, you know, have to go up in this attic, you know, and deal with it and I'm Sort of dealing with what my mother put in her attic because she didn't want to deal with it. And sometimes what my grandmother put into the attic that she didn't want to deal with. So multi generations of stuff. And I actually also have. I counted them. I was like, I have six, and I used to have eight, because I successfully got two of these anivia. Six large quilts from the 1800s that aren't even mine. They were given to me by another quilter who just bequeathed them to me to find them a good home in specific, to which I was able to. But, yeah, so I have other people's stuff that they couldn't process. And literally sometimes I feel like I'm choking because I have to process it.

[Lori]

Yeah, yeah. No, that's. That's what happens to us, right, Is we love the stuff. We appreciate the stuff. We see its beauty, we see its value. And other people like, oh, good, then I can dump it on her. Right. Like, that was me. That was me, too. And I. And it's hard because I. I do anyway, not to go into my own things, but sometimes I'm like, no, no, it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Don't.

[Lori]

Don't just never offer me anything anymore because of that. But I'm like, But at the same time, I'm like, no, I. I do need to not, you know, take everybody else's stuff. Yeah. I. So this is the stuff that is in your third floor attic at this point?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Lori]

Okay. Have you gone into the attic and said, I am going to go through the process, meaning I'm going to make my goal less and better, and I'm going to start with the trash and then the easy step. Or have you gone through the five step process up there? You said you've done it on the floor, on the ground floor, which is what Abel allowed you to, you know, get that. But have you gone in there and just said, I'm going to do the process up here and see what happens?

[Unnamed Guest]

Not in the way I could do it downstairs, where it was like, okay, just walk around the room and where are we here? I have been doing it, like, kind of like one box at a time, which has been sort of successful. But then, you know, you get the. Whoever's, you know, in this part of the country, we have pierpoint glass, and everybody got their grandmothers and great grandmothers pierpoint glass. And you go into the charity shops here, and that's what you'll find. You'll find everybody's pierpoint glass because, you know, it meant something that Generation thought, oh my God, this is valuable. I was raised by people who survived the depression. So the only thing that looked shiny, they kept.

[Lori]

Yeah, right. However, what's happening as you're telling me this is the reason that we have the five step process, which is your brain is immediately going to that thing that you're like. But my, you know, my mom and my grandma valued this, but it's also not valuable. I see it all the time there. But also they loved it. But also I love it also. It's good. But also it's, you know, your brain is going straight to the thing. Yes, that's the most difficult. Which means that it feels like third floor equals hard, impossible decisions.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yes.

[Dana K. White]

Right.

[Lori]

Okay. So that's why we go through the process. It is absolutely possible that you will not find any trash, not find any obvious donations, not find any easy stuff that actually belongs somewhere else. It's possible, but I doubt it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Right. I know.

[Lori]

I don't. Yeah, right. And it's that momentum and it's like, what if you got it to the point where only a small portion was actually this hard stuff? What if you went ahead and got rid of the easy stuff by looking and just seeing if there's any easy stuff? Do you know what I mean? It's that this is the reason we have the five step process is because when we feel like we need to declutter, we think about that one hard thing and it feels like everything's going to be hard. And so we just go in with this non committal idea. I'm going to see if anything's not hard. And I'm going to do this because I have an actual process. I'm going to start with the trash and say, is there any trash up here? Can I ask you another thing? What? What would you like for the definition of your attic space to be? How would you like to actually use that space if this clutter was not an issue?

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, it is used as a guest room. There, there is a bed. But like when my, my daughters, you know, come home for Christmas, one of them will be sleeping up there. So it is a guest room up there. Okay. Quite a spacious, you know, Is there storage stepping over boxes? Yeah.

[Lori]

They do or they don't?

[Unnamed Guest]

They don't. No. That the storage is all kind of up against the wall and tucked away.

[Lori]

Okay. Would you like for it to not be storage and just a guest room or.

[Unnamed Guest]

There's definitely enough room for both because it's large and. But my kids, you know, they have. We move their Stuff up there too, but that's, that's far less than the stuff I have. And like I said, most stuff I have went up there 30 years ago and the kids have never seen it, so they have no relationship to it. Yeah, you know, they're not good. They're not going to say, oh, I'm going to keep this because I remember this in my childhood. Nope.

[Lori]

Yeah, yeah, I, I think that going in and I know you've been doing box by box, which. How has that worked? Has that been. Have you been able to get rid of a lot of stuff or not?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, because I keep hitting the, the different objects from different earths and people from my childhood.

[Lori]

Do you have any dream of what that space could be other than storage?

[Unnamed Guest]

Storage and guest room when the kids come? No, not really. Actually the quilting stuff because I'm lucky. Now one of my kids bedrooms we've changed into for the first time ever. And a nice sewing room. I finally have my own sewing space. My machines are out all the time. I'm not doing it on the kitchen table like I did for 40 years. I have a design wall. My goal that I would love. And this is where I love the container concept. This is my goal for next year because I still have some fabric in the attic that hasn't been made into anything and some in another space that I used to use when I was doing everything on the kitchen table. My goal is to have all my fabric fit into my sewing.

[Lori]

And the fabric is currently up there in the attic.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, I got some in the attic and some downstairs. And neither one of those are like a terrible problem.

[Lori]

But you want it to be in the sewing room. Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. Okay, well then that's one way to get started on the attic stuff. You know, my first advice would be if you're wanting to declutter the attic, go in and say, I'm going to follow the five step process. It feels like everything's going to be sentimental, but I'm just going to do the process with the most visible things first. And then I'm going to go box by box without making a bigger mess. Right. But as far as the. When you find fabric, when you come across fabric, the place where you would look first for fabric is your sewing room. That's where you all want it to go. So then you take it there now to the sewing room, which is up and down the stairs, which is not fun. Right. But as you get to that space, then you. Within the sewing room. Where would I look? For this fabric first. And then you start embracing the reality of that space. Like, okay, I brought this fabric here. That's been up there since. I'm trying to think. You said you've been in the house for 30 years. This has been up there since 1995. Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Lori]

And so I'm gonna go put it in the place where I would look for fabric first, because that's my goal, is that all fabric be in this room, which is a perfect goal. You know, I'm going to put it in there. And sometimes it's the matter of walking it down the stairs that helps you. It reveal to you that it's from 1995 and you actually would never use it. Sometimes it's the. The action of opening up the cabinet and saying, oh, there's not much space. And you think, okay, what? Wait, of course I'm not going to get rid of something else for this thing. That I would never. But that action of doing that is the thing that's going to reveal what deserves space. Because it. You've. You've. You just said the container concept works, and it's the perfect thing for your sewing room. With the sewing room being. The primary function is to actually do the sewing in there. So I can't just shove fabric in there. It's got to have actual places to go and then let those things decide. Because you. I think you said at the beginning you have more sewing projects than you have days left to live.

[Unnamed Guest]

Right? Yeah. Yeah.

[Lori]

So it's. It's that same thing of, you know, kind of like on the first floor, you love it, and you're like, we got it to where we wanted it to be because it's all functional now. It's not too much. And that same feeling can actually happen with fabric. It feels like, oh, but that couldn't happen with fabric.

[Dana K. White]

Right.

[Lori]

Because fabric's wonderful. But as you embrace the container concept, it will start to reveal what things can go. And I think that that will build some of that momentum. And so even if the first thing that you do, the easy stuff, honestly, in your attic is the fabric, because you already know where it goes, that doesn't mean you're not going to get down to your sewing room and have to make some decisions according to what there's space for. But even if you just said, today, I'm going to first look for trash, and then I'm going to work on getting fabric into my fabric room and taking it there, because that's the place where it's going to. That's its container. It's the place where I'm going to look for it first. Even just that will start to build some momentum and make some progress up there, which that momentum and progress of, oh, it looks better in the attic. There's less stuff in here. Then that starts to shift in your brain that you're willing to get rid of even more stuff, and it just starts to really build upon itself. Did I solve all your problems?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Well, you did make it a little bit better. I think it is. Particularly on Christmas time. It's a good time to be looking at the, the heavy stuff and making decisions on, you know, grandma's favorite things. Maybe that's it. It's time to look for the trash and do the fabric. And fabric has the other thing I've learned after, you know, digging up some really old stuff. Oh, my goodness. There's, you know, it expires, it goes bad. You know, you look at a piece of fabric and you're going, where was I going with this? And, you know, the quality on this is not, you know, why did I, why do I have this fabric now? I'm, I'm not using this kind of material anymore.

[Lori]

Exactly. But as long as it's sitting in a box or it's sitting in a pile, that doesn't, it doesn't get acknowledged in your brain. It's just fabric. And I love fabric. But the action of actually taking it to, you know, to its home and letting the container decide and knowing that there's going to be a limit is going to make a lot of that fabric easier to let go.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like, okay, you know, I really don't like this color.

[Lori]

Right, right. You know, so many times too, like you said, people had given you stuff. I mean, who knows how much of that fabric you never actually liked. Right.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, I'll tell you a story. One time I came home and a friend of mine, we were Quilter and they were somebody's mother in law, three cousins down like a distance, had been a quilter, had Alzheimer's and passed away. And I came home to eight of those biggest tubs. You can buy those on my porch. And the.

[Lori]

Do you still have all that?

[Unnamed Guest]

Who had. Oh, God. Luckily we were having a show and I probably only kept a quarter of it and I sold the rest at the, at the show as quickly as possible. But the poor woman had Alzheimer's and bought the same material and same kit more than once.

[Lori]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And. But I, Yeah, no, so I'm trying to, to get rid of. Oh, no, there's lots of fabric up there that I have I did not buy. It's like the quilts, they just occurred.

[Lori]

I think you're going to make a ton of progress if you just and giving yourself permission to say, I'm just worrying about fabric. That's it. That's all I'm going to do. I'm just going to deal with the fabric.

[Unnamed Guest]

I like that idea, particularly at this where I'm at now. Like, you know what, don't worry about the tin types and you know what's going to happen to those and who knows who these people are. Just do the stuff I can do.

[Dana K. White]

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[Lori]

Was there something else you wanted to talk about?

[Unnamed Guest]

I think pictures. Everybody finds pictures hard, I think. Yep. Yeah. And CDs and albums. We go, we got my husband and mine, you know, record collection because we're children of the 60s and 70s. So we have our LP. I have my father's LPs from, you know, the 1950s high school high fidelity that he was into. And then of course we, we had to buy everything into CD form once everything went into CDs and now we don't have a record player. We don't have a CD player. Don't know what these. Yeah.

[Lori]

Okay. So at this point they are purely, they are Purely nostalgic and have no actual function. Correct.

[Unnamed Guest]

Right. Right. Yeah.

[Lori]

Okay. All right. So where would you look first for records and CDs that you cannot play?

[Unnamed Guest]

The. All the albums are stored in a cabinet in our living room because I was hoping that the record player that got moved up to the attic 30 years ago would work, but that. That didn't pan out as we dug it out this weekend.

[Lori]

Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like, oh. But we've literally.

[Lori]

Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

Kept them. And the CD player just recently broke, but. Or the last remaining CD player broke, but I don't know what to do with that. Power. Power, as we call it.

[Lori]

Well, I. Okay, so the question actually was, where would you look first for. Let's. Let's break it up. Where would you look first for CDs that you can't play?

[Unnamed Guest]

They're up in the attic.

[Lori]

Okay. But that's not the question when you're looking for. Hey, you know what I really want right now? I want to look at a cd. I can't actually play it. I just want to look at it. Where would you look first for one that you have no intention of playing? You just want to look at it.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's in the audience.

[Lori]

Okay, so you enjoy just looking at them?

[Unnamed Guest]

No. Okay, so I have stolen the words and the notes from them on occasion. Okay.

[Lori]

So the reality is you can get a new CD player and you can get a record player. You know, I got my husband. I know we're not talking about buying new stuff here, but that. My husband loves his record collection.

[Dana K. White]

Right.

[Lori]

Like, that's very important to him. I got him a record player that plays onto a Bluetooth speaker, so he loves that thing. And we have a record container, and that is the limit to how many records he can keep. Albums, I guess, or whatever. They're vinyl anyway. I know I'm not saying it correctly for the people who are actually connoisseurs of this thing, you know, So I get it. But that. That is the thing. So. So you. Because the reality is, you said you did go look for the. You do go look for the. The words printed. Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yep.

[Lori]

If that's what you want to keep. Okay. Can you get rid of just the CDs? You know, is. Is there a small thing that you can put? You know, are. Are you willing to go buy a new CD player or a new record player? Because if not, then we're talking about something completely different, right? Like, if you want to play the records, then there needs to be something to play them on, and then that determines where this is. Going to go. And you said you have a space there, so are there more records in the attic?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no, all the records.

[Lori]

All the records are there. Okay. And it's not taking up space for anything else?

[Unnamed Guest]

No.

[Lori]

Okay. And is it important enough to you to actually go get something to where you'll be able to play them?

[Unnamed Guest]

I think so. It would be nice. I think that then we're going to find out that half of them are junk and no longer function. But. Or is a warp beyond belief after not being played for so long. But yeah, you just gave me an idea. Our library you can take out. They have the library of things. I bet you I can take that erected player from Braille, now that I think about it, and see which of his records, you know, no longer function or function.

[Lori]

And that sounds fun.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Lori]

I mean, that sounds like a fun evening activity for y'all to do together now that you're both working nine to five and you're actually both home in the evening. But it is, though. I mean, like, that's a fun, fun thing to do and would probably make a lot of them very easy to get rid of and you'd probably significantly reduce. So that's a fantastic idea. And it could also help, you know, is this something that we actually care enough about or is it something where I'm like, you know what? Actually, let's let these things go, you know?

[Unnamed Guest]

Right, exactly.

[Lori]

Because as long as it's just sitting there and you're like, but we like records. But we don't even have a record player and we never play it. But taking that action is the. Take it there now. Right. It's going through that process. Yeah, the CDs. You know, I'm sure there are people who know a lot more about that, but I would say it's a similar type thing. Like, is it worth it to you to see if this library of things also has a CD player? You know, like, which one of those things? Like getting a CD player and checking out the CDs or getting a record player and checking out the records to see which. See which ones work. Which of those sounds more fun to you?

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, definitely. The records sound more fun to me. But, you know, music. Music's important to us. And I'm sure I could wrestle up a CD player from the library, too. Let's see if we can order one of these on Amazon. Because, you know, I really want to keep music in my life.

[Lori]

Absolutely.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm not a Spotify person.

[Lori]

So what happens is going through that process. Does it's kind of like my same advice that I give when people are like, oh, but I don't know if I want to sell it or not. And I'm like, okay, go through the process on one thing. Bring the thing home. It's kind of a hassle. But that hassle helps reveal how important this actually is to me. If you get to the library and you're like, man, that looks hard to carry to my car. Well, that's a natural revelation about how you actually feel about this. Is it that important to you or not? But if you're excited enough to be like, okay, I'm gonna lug this thing to my car. I don't know how big they are, but, you know, I'm like, this thing to my car, and you're excited about it. Then you're. You're going through that experience, and now you have the experience kind of like we talked about before. Like, experience is so powerful in decluttering.

[Unnamed Guest]

That makes perfect sense. Yeah.

[Lori]

I would go through that process and see what happens. Yeah. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, I think we covered it all. You gave me a good number of good starting points.

[Lori]

So tell me what you love about being a kindred spirit.

[Unnamed Guest]

I love hearing. That's why I think I was so willing to be a part of this, as I love hearings, hearing other people's stories, and I adore hearing your stories because, one, you're very, very funny. And by hearing others voices, somebody else says something that was like, oh, maybe that's why I do that, you know, because we can see ourselves better sometimes through other people. And it's like, oh, okay, you know, not the strange person in the world in the room that's the only one doing this kind of thing.

[Lori]

Exactly, exactly. No, I think that's so powerful. It's just that knowing that, first of all, that I'm not the only person and that other people have, we can kind of start to learn from each other. Like, okay, well, if you struggle with that, then maybe what you found that works will also work for me. That's really powerful. Yeah. Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Dana K. White]

I hope you all loved that conversation. I am so incredibly thankful to my Patreon members who are willing to come on and talk about things. I hear from so many of you who tell me that it is so.

[Lori]

Helpful to you to hear people's stories.

[Dana K. White]

And then we apply the same processes. Processes. That's not how it works. We apply the same processes to unique situations, and they still work. So love this conversation. If you're interested and finding out more about being a member of our Patreon community, go to patreon.com slob comes clean. All right, I will talk to you all next week.

[Lori]

Bye.