← podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
458: Tackling Your Decluttering Challenges
00:37:07
I’m answering your decluttering questions that were submitted at AskDanaKWhite.com My whole house is pretty much under control now, except one thing: clothes. No matter what, they still get out of control all the time!
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- [00:00]
Dana K. White
Hey y' all. I wanted to be sure you know that my fourth book is now available wherever books are sold. This is the book where I tackle the spiritual side of my desalabification process. My first three books don't have any spiritual content. They're full of the strategies that will take you from overwhelmed in your home to knowing exactly what to do to get your house under control. But this new book, Jesus Doesn't Care about yout Messy House, deals with the shame that so many of us feel over our messiness. My goal is to help you find freedom from that shame so you can move forward. Go to aslobcomes clean.com book book to find links to all my books in all of their formats. Welcome to A Slob Comes Clean, the Podcast I am Dana K. White. I share my personal deslobification process as I figure out ways to keep my own home under control. I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people. People who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number 4:58 and I think I'm going to call it Tackling your decluttering challenges, which I know is so generic, but I'm answering some of the questions that were asked over@askdanak white.com and it talks about several decluttering challenges. All right, let's get into it. Dear Dana, thank you so much for your method and everything you do to teach it. It has changed my house and my relationship to shopping too. My whole house is pretty much under control now, except one thing. Clothes. They fit within my container, which at the moment is one clothes rack and two boxes. I have decluttered quite a lot to get it to this, but still, no matter what, they still get out of control all the time. Bad habits, I guess. Any tips what to do when everything is already in its place and fits within the container but still gets out of control? Thanks.
- [01:54]
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- [02:27]
Dana K. White
First of all, congratulations on all of the work that you've done and all the progress that You've made and be so proud of yourself. Right. Like, I think there's something so incredibly valuable about getting to this point where you're like, oh, I can zero in on clothes. Now, I have one big problem where when my house was completely a disaster, like, every single space, every single category of item was out of control. I never felt like I had the bandwidth or even, like. Like, the right. And that's not a correct thing for me to think, but it's the way I felt. Right? Like, I didn't feel like I had the right to, like, zero in on this one specific issue because it's like, yeah, but there's so many other issues. So congratulations on getting to this point where you are right now. Here's what I will say. First of all, you've done the right thing in decluttering down to the realities of the space. Okay. You said that you have gotten it to one clothes rack and two boxes. We go container first. Like the. Embrace the realities of the space. But if a space continually gets out of control, you have more stuff than you can handle. You're over your clutter threshold on clothing. Okay. Couple of things to consider. First of all, I'm not sure what you mean by two boxes. Is it the two boxes that are the things getting out of control more easily, right? Like, the things that consistently get out of control? Is it because the boxes are not functional for you? Meaning they. You have a bunch of stuff in there and you're having to, like, move a bunch of things to get what you need, and then it gets out of control and it stays out of control. Right. It might be that you need to declutter even more because maybe the hanging rod is the thing that's working best for you, and then you get just a smaller box for the socks and undies or things that you don't have to fold. Y' all know you don't have to fold socks and undies, right? You know that. Please. Okay. I'm always amazed when I see people folding underwear. I'm like, that is so fascinating. And I don't get it. Anyway, so that's the solution. Just don't. Don't fold your socks. Underwear. But I would say keep reducing down because, you know you're over your clutter threshold because you know it's consistently getting out of control. So it still is too much for you. You've done the right thing to. To declutter to the container first. Now keep going. The other thing that I would say, because we're talking about clothing is to really focus hard on your laundry routine. Your laundry routine might be a load a day. That's what a lot of people in this world do, and a lot of people in this world say is the only way to do it. And I'm here to say it's not the only way to do it. Right. If that works for you, great. I'm a big fan of a laundry day, meaning one day a week. I'm not going to go into the whole things there because there are entire podcasts that I have recorded and also chapters and books that I have written about what laundry day looks like and how to make it happen. Right. But that really zeroing in on figuring out a laundry routine that works for you naturally results in clothes not getting out of control. It naturally results in that because once you. Once you consistently have your laundry done and it's no longer overwhelming, so you can count on consistently having your laundry done, then you have a very different understanding of how many clothes you need. And the things that you love more than others naturally reveal themselves because you see the things that you are wearing consistently because they're clean. Consistently where. If you didn't have a laundry routine, I'm not saying you didn't, but I'm just saying if this is. If your laundry routine is an issue, that's something to focus on. Because if you didn't have a laundry routine, what happened for me and my family and for so many others is that not having a laundry routine meant we didn't know what clothes we loved the most because it was rare for everything to be clean, and so we just didn't have the choices. But once everything was clean consistently, we were like, oh, well, as long as this T shirt is clean, I am going to wear this T shirt every single time it's clean, right? So once my. My clothes were clean once a week, I wore that T shirt every single week, right? And wearing that T shirt every single week then made me go, you know what? That's a T shirt that I only wear when I absolutely have to. I don't absolutely have to anymore. And so it's easy to let it go, right? I don't absolutely have to because I can count on my clothes being clean. Okay, next question. What do I do when I find things that don't belong in our home? Examples would be something that belongs in our camper, not stored at our home, such as towels or something a family member accidentally left at our home during a visit. I want to remember to bring them where they belong when we Go. But it's too far to take it there now. Okay, so this is a legitimately challenging challenge, right? Like, this is a decluttering challenge, for sure. With the stuff for your camper, what I would say is to. To do it the same way that you do any other thing. And that is, if I needed the stuff to take to the camper, where would I look for it first? So is that a shelf in the garage? Is that. Because this is part of your life, you have this camper, you obviously use it because you've got towels to wash and towels that belong there. So let's legitimize that and normalize that and that say, that stuff deserves space in your house, right? Like, it isn't something where you're going to be able to go take two towels to the camper that is 30 minutes away and then take another two towels. So instead, think of it as if I needed the stuff that we were going to take to the camper, where would I look for it first? And whatever that space is, that space determines the size of container. Like, the shelf that you're going to look on determines the size of container that you can have on that shelf. You don't buy the container according to how much stuff you think you might need to put in it. You. You buy the container according to the space where you would look first for these items that are going to go in this container. And then that container is the place where you put the towels or the, you know, random things that are for the container. Those all for the camper. Those all go in the container. And then when it's time to go to the container, you take that. Oh, my word. Camper and container too close. When it's time to go to the camper, you take that container with you to go do that. It also is a trigger when you overfill that or you fill that container and you don't have any more room for anything else that goes in the camper. That's when you go, you know what? It's time to take a trip out to the camper and put this stuff in there. That becomes the signal, the trigger, that it's time to do that. Sometimes it also might be, oh, I really don't want to go to the camper right now. And there's no room. You know what? Actually, these things I just stuck in here as a. Oh, that might be good for the camper. And in reality, nah, they don't deserve space there. I can actually just get rid of those. Like, these are the things by taking it to there now there being the place where you would look for the stuff that you're going to take to the camper. By taking it there now you face reality. As long as you're just like, oh no, this is hard, I don't know what to do because I can't actually take it to the camper right now. And you just kind of set it somewhere in the house and don't give it an actual home where you would look for things that you're going to take to the camper later. Then that is how you end up with just all this stuff. But when it is a defined limited space, it helps you identify which things are actually need to go there. Same thing with stuff for other people. Having your place in your house for the things that you're going to return. Okay. As close to the spot where you're going to return them as possible. If you can go ahead and take it out to the car, that's the best idea. My mother, my parents live an hour away from me and I designated the top of our freezer in the garage. Now our freezer isn't upright, right? And so it's not like the. You can't open the freezer because of stuff being up there. And I sent my mom a picture years ago and I said, hey, when you come to my house, please check the spot because this is where I'm going to put the things that belong to you that somehow end up at my house, right? So that having a place where you would look first for the stuff that belongs to other people, like giving things homes according to where you would look first for it. All right, to follow the next question, to follow the container method and the progress only method which if you're new here, that is my five step no mess decluttering process. You can get a printable of that process. That's really cute. At a slob comes clean.com 5F I V E get a printable there. We'll send you that. And it's also detailed in great detail with all the instructions and all the mindset shifts you need in decluttering at the speed of life, which is available wherever books are sold. That's one of my books. You can also get it at most libraries. But anyway, so just in case you don't know what she's talking about, it's a my five step method that doesn't make a bigger mess. And also you can work through this method in whatever time you have available. You don't have to set Aside a certain amount of time. Okay, so to follow the container method, container concept, and the progress only progress method, how do we fill a tub or shelf with favorites till it's full without dumping everything on the floor first? Okay, so I'm going to go at this from two different things. Let's say that the shelf itself, you've removed the things that don't need to be there, and what's left is too much. And you're trying to embrace the reality of the size of that space. That's the container concept. Remove your least favorites until it all fits functionally in that space. Okay, so instead of pulling everything out and then putting your favorites back, like if you're in a situation where you have an empty shelf and a bunch of stuff, put your favorite things on first, and when it's full, it's full. Right? Like, that's the best, easiest way to do it. But because we don't want to put ourselves in a situation where we can't stop at any time, pulling everything off of the shelf is not part of the process. So if you're in this situation where you have a full shelf of stuff, that all does belong there, and yet there's just not enough room. Pull out the least favorites until it fits functionally on that space. I said I was going to come at that from two angles. I forget what the other angle was. Oh, well. Okay. How do you know? I love this question. How do you know when you've gone too far? How do you know when it's time to re clutter? It's never time to read a letter. There. There are things I love to do in this space, like take notes, make lists, collect my thoughts, and imagine. But I have put all my pads of paper and favorite pens away. I hide all evidence of my creative writing when people come over and lose track of it completely. Lately, I have stopped writing almost completely because it is too much of an effort to go get what I need. Have I gone too far? Is it time to reclutter? Okay, couple things here. Clutter is anything that consistently gets out of control. That's my definition. I get to make up definitions because I write books about clutter, right? So, no, it's not time to re clutter. But that doesn't mean that you can't have the things that you need to have. Right? As long as it can stay under control, it's not clutter. Therefore, if you have gotten rid of all this stuff and you have this empty, you know, space, you know, is there room for a bin or some kind of a box where this stuff could live so that the box is there to remind you, oh, that's right, I like to write or whatever. And I, I would say I, I would honestly tell you, just leave those things out. Like, it's fine as long as it's not a pile. As long as it's functional and you can see them and you can access them. Leave them out because it's important to you. The only reason I'm saying put it in some kind of a bin is because you specifically said, I hide all evidence of my creative writing when people come over. And as a writer, I understand that, right? Like, I understand that there's part of me that's like, no, don't hide it, but do whatever you need to do to make this work. Okay? Decluttering is for the purpose of you being able to function well in your home as you, as the person who likes to do creative writing. If you enjoy creative writing and that is part of your identity, then it deserves space in your home. Okay? So that is the goal. Function is the goal. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You've probably noticed how clutter builds up over time. We avoid dealing with it, much like we sometimes avoid dealing with our mental health. A recent survey showed that many hesitate to seek help and support because of fear of judgment. But this doesn't just affect them, it impacts families, co workers, entire communities. The world will be a better place when people are healthy and happy. So I personally have really benefited from using better help to work with a therapist. It's truly helpful to have a non judgmental, purposefully helpful professional who helps me work through the challenges I'm facing. BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience and thousands of licensed therapists helping people with a wide range of issues. Sessions are fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.comclean to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com clean.
- [16:39]
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- [17:08]
Dana K. White
This is Paige Desorva from Giggly Squad. Opill is a game changer for sexual reproductive health. They're the first over the counter daily birth control pill available in the U.S. finally, the days of needing a prescription to get birth control are over. Opill is FDA approved, no prescription needed, full prescription strength, estrogen free, and available online and at most major retailers. So when there's no prescription, no appointment, there's no hassle, no more waiting at the doctor's office to get a prescription. Opill will be easily accessed over the counter, in store or online and will be ready for when you need it. Opill is available online and at most major retailers. Use code giggly for 25% off your first month of opill@opill.com Many times things get left on the counter for weeks on end. Is this likely a clutter threshold issue because the place the items belong are too cluttered to put things away? Or is it a not taking it there now issue because we've conditioned ourselves to not bother to walk down the stairs each time trying to determine which to focus my family on since we're all guilty. The thing to focus your family on is the five minute pickup. Things getting left on the counter is not something to beat yourself up about. I mean, don't beat yourself up anyway, but, you know, I mean, like, it's not something to be like, oh no, this is a failure. It's not a failure to leave something on the counter, right? Like, I know there are people who are like, just don't put it down, Put it away. And I'm like, great. Except that I have literally no clue when I put something down, y' all. So my decluttering coaches, we had a retreat and I had run in and I came back to the decluttering coaches and I was like, I don't know what where my shoes are because I had slip off shoes. And I'm like, I literally have no idea where I took them off. No clue, because that's me, right? And we all laughed about it because we all understand each other. By the way, if you need somebody to help you through my no mess process, go to decluttering coaches.com because my coaches are the most amazing, lovely people. Everybody listed on that site is trained and certified by me in my no mess decluttering method to lead you through the method. Okay? All right. But so setting it down is not the issue. The issue is you got to do your five minute pickups so that they don't live there for months on end. Okay? That's what keeps it from living there for months on end. Now, as you do your five minute pickups, you're going to learn some things, okay? Because it says something about walk down the stairs each time. If you're doing a five minute pickup, then you pick those things up and you go, put them away. But if you're walking down the stairs every day, or if you're resisting walking down the stairs every day, then that's when you go, you know what? Let's eliminate down the stairs as the spot for this and say, okay, if I'm not going to walk down the stairs, where would I look for this first? And then make that its home. Okay? And you may still set it in this random place, but it's more likely that you're going to just quickly put it in the actual place where you would look for it first. If the doubt walking down the stairs is removed from the equation. Right? Because what happens as you do the five minute pickups is you're like, okay, every single day I move this from here to three feet away. Okay? And then as you do that, you go, as you're setting it down because of that repetitive action of moving it into its home, you're more likely. Not guaranteed, but you are more likely to realize, oh, actually I can just set this in its home and then I won't have to do that during my five minute pickup. Okay, but you specifically brought up, is this a clutter threshold issue? And the five minute pickup is the way to know if something is a clutter threshold issue. Okay? So the five minute pickup is the way to know, are you, as a household under your clutter threshold? Your clutter threshold is the amount of stuff that you personally or your family can easily or the people living in your house can easily keep under control. Okay? Unique to you, different for everybody. Like, you know, my clutter threshold is different than my mom's and blah, blah, blah. And in the family, it's like, what can we as a family or a household keep under control easily? If 5 minutes is not enough time to get a space back under control consistently, then we do have too much stuff and we need to get rid of it. Okay? The other thing too is if things are just kind of, if the things feel like they live on this surface, and you said something about the place, the items belong are too cluttered to put things away. Being purposeful about decluttering this pile of things that has been there for a month and where would I look for it first, you know, or it's easy because you do already know where you would look for it, but that place is cluttered. Okay, so open it up and go. Okay. If this place is cluttered, it's not that I have to completely and perfectly clear this space in order to be able to put this away. Instead, it's what can I remove from this cluttered space that clearly things need to leave anyway? What can I remove from this space in order to make the room that I need for this item that actually does belong there? Right. So ideally it's going to be trash or an obvious donation. Something needs to leave that space to make the room. If I want it to be as easy as possible to put it away, well, then I might remove some extra things to give lots of space for it to be able to put away easily. That doesn't mean you're not going to declutter that cabinet. But what I would say is the first thing to do is to declutter the pile on the counter, Asking yourself where you would look for it first. Putting it in that spot, especially if it's something nearby that's just a cluttered cabinet. Okay, Put. Putting it in that spot, removing stuff to make the room for it. Once that countertop is clear, then go into that cabinet that you've already made some progress on because you've already gotten some trash and obvious donations out of, and really dig deep into getting the. Getting that space decluttered too. But do those surfaces first. Okay. And you do that by removing just enough to put those things away. All right. Decluttering advice for couples who are moving in together but have previously lived in their own houses. Both have all the furniture and dishes, etc. So I'm super excited because my friend Melissa and Ken. My friends Melissa and Ken are getting married. So they were like, hey, let's do a video of us, you know, combining our households. And I'm like, oh, my word, that would be so fun. So I'm hoping I'll actually get to do that. But this, first of all, how exciting, right? Like, it's exciting, but it's also stressful, especially when I know Melissa and Ken. They both their own full, complete apartments, like, everything they need. So they have all the dishes they need and all the pots and pans they need and all the furniture they need and all this. So it's an opportunity to basically shop from each one. Okay, now the first step, like, the number one thing to do is for each of you on your own or together, helping each other, whatever, but to declutter each space on its own first. Like, the same way That I tell people when they're moving, the first thing to do is to declutter the space you've already got. Because if it's something you don't want here, you're not going to want it there. And it just needs to leave and not be part of the whole always overwhelming, no matter the situation, moving process. Right? So really zero in first on just decluttering. Like, let's, let's get rid of all the things that don't need to be here anyway and declutter pretty hard because you know that you're going to be bringing things together, right? So it's kind of like, okay, you know, he's got three skillets and a soup pot, and I've got two skillets, a soup pot and a. I don't know, what are the other things? Saucepan, right? And you're like, okay, well, you go, okay. Actually, realistically, he only uses the one skillet. Maybe the other one. I could at least get rid of one skillet, maybe two. And then she's like, okay, I could get rid of a skillet. And you know what? I never do use this saucepan. I always just use the soup pot instead, blah, blah, blah. So, you know, you go ahead and do that so that when you then are either combining into one space or taking the two houses of things into the new space, you're picking the best, okay? So you're, you're only picking the best of the best as opposed to looking at all the stuff. Because the more stuff you have, the more overwhelming it is. It's just fact, right? So in the new house, in the new place, it's. Oh, I really, really like these plates. Okay, well, okay, I really. You know what? I actually like them better than these plates that were already here. So I'm going to replace. So really keep it in. You know, like you're picking the best one and you're replacing an item. So it's not just adding the. The plates from one household in with the other plates from another household, from the original first one or whatever. When you're moving into. Instead, it's okay, this is the space that we have. This container is the space that we have. This shelf for plates is the limit to how many plates we can have. So we're gonna. Out of the two different households of options, we're gonna pick the favorite ones and put them in there first. Okay? Yeah. But it's exciting. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. How many times did you hear money doesn't grow on trees when you were growing up. It is true that phrase doesn't actually teach anything about saving and budgeting. Greenlight is a debit card and money app great for families give their kids experience with saving, investing and spending. Parents can choose the chores feature, rewarding their kids with a customized allowance and you can send money to your kids when they need it while keeping an eye on their spending and saving. Kids and teens build confidence and good habits with this easy, convenient app. Greenlight helps parents raise financially smart kids while helping them navigate life together. 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- [28:08]
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- [28:42]
Dana K. White
Okay, I think I have time for two more questions. Here we go. Dana My mom passed away a year and a half ago. I'm sorry. This week I decided to go through her clothes that were still in bags at my apartment. I threw out stained and ripped clothes trash. I am washing the rest and then donating them. Same with some of my deceased uncle's sweatshirts and coats. I'm keeping my mom's favorite fleece coat and my uncle's jean jacket. Just one item each in memory. I am donating five bags of clothes. So proud of myself. But how do I get rid of keepsakes that my mom loved but I don't need so hard to let go. First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I mean, you've done amazing, right? Like, I'm so proud of you. But I know you don't know me. And so it can feel weird when people who don't know you say you're proud of you. But I'm just saying, like I'm be so proud of yourself. Like, this is huge. This is hard. I also want to point out to others who have been through this kind of grief very recently. I want you to see that it's been a year and a half. Okay. You. You don't have to do these things immediately. It's okay to give yourself some time. So I'm proud of you for giving yourself some time. But you understood with clothing. And I think sometimes with clothing, it's like, well, clothing is very personal. And so maybe you're like, okay, maybe I couldn't wear my mom's coat, or I, you know, I couldn't wear my mom's clothing. And so, you know, obviously, you know, that. That makes it kind of easier, right, to not keep all of it, although it can be very difficult. So I don't want to say it's easy for anybody who it is difficult for, but so it can feel that way, like, oh, okay, well, that makes sense. But then these keepsakes that your mom loved but you don't need, then it becomes like, well, technically, you know, there's no fit required for a spoon from Holland. Have I used that recently? I feel like I've used that example. But there's no. There's no. There's no actual, like, spoon from Holland. Okay, that doesn't fit. And so technically, yeah, I could keep it, but blah, blah. The same thing that you did before where you kept your mom's favorite fleece coat and your uncle's jean jacket, I'm assuming, because those things can fit in your closet and not take up the space. My husband just the other day was saying, you know, still got an entire outfit of my dad's. He has a whole outfit of his dad's, but he can have it because it's in his closet and it fits, right? And so he's like, I don't know if I'm ever going to get rid of that. And I'm like, that's perfectly fine. You don't have to. You've got room for it, right? So you kind of worked it into your regular life, and it didn't. It didn't make it harder. But it sounds like these keepsakes are something that's really weighing on you, right? So think of it along the same lines. What is something. What is your favorite thing out of these keepsakes? Or your favorite two things, or your favorite three things, if you have space for them, that really bring back all the positive feelings, okay? And it may not be something that you personally have a relationship with this item, but you remember your mom having a relationship with this item, and you remember how much it meant to her. And so then that brings back the memories of her. So pick your favorites and work them into your house. I've had little trinket doodads that I just had in a drawer at one time. And I. And I would, like, I would just see it randomly as I was getting something out of that drawer, and it would bring all these happy feelings. But a lot of times it's something that is meaningful, that I'm like, okay, how can I use this item in my house? How can I give it a real spot if it's. Maybe it's. Of course I was going to say, you know, I know I use some things of my mother in law's like a little saucepan, but that you're talking specifically about keepsakes, like, that was really meaningful for us. But she had. She had a little teapot that is like a painted teapot. And I think some people said it's maybe a chocolate pot or something, but I gave it a place in my house. Like, I gave it a place of honor because it was hers. And I like it. You know, I don't love it the way that she loved it, but I love it because she loved it. Does that make sense? And so it deserves a place in my home. So, like, it's not an all or nothing. It's not a wrong or right. It is simply a. Do I have space in this home, in this. For this item in my home? And which things are the most important, that I can let the other things go and still be honoring her memory by just narrowing it down to the. The smallest things or the. The fewest things? And last question, Dana. I have saved a bunch of Mylar balloons used and deflated over the years. Now I want to get rid of them. What is the best way to do that without harming the environment? Here's what I'm going to say. I don't know. And some of y' all are like, why would she even read that question if she doesn't have an answer? My answer is, I don't know. And what I would personally do is throw them away. Okay? I don't know the best way to do it, but I do know they would need to leave my house. Okay, because you've made this decision that they need to leave your house, so get them out of the house. But the other thing to do, if you can't bring yourself to do that because you're thinking there's got to be a way, Google it, right? Like Google how to recycle mylar balloons and see what it says. Because you might. You might find out that there is a recycling center near your house that just happens to recycle Mylar balloons. But the vast majority of people listening would find out that there was no way to recycle Mylar balloons near them. There might not even be a way to recycle them. I have no idea. Because that's what I want you to know. That it's sitting in the house is one thing. Okay. It's sitting in the house. Knowing it needs to leave is where you have to go. What do I have to do to get this thing out of my house? And finding out whether you can recycle these kinds of things or whether it's even feasible for you and your lifestyle and your bandwidth to be able to do that is so often the thing that lets you let it go because you're like, oh, if I was going to recycle this, I would have to drive four hours or I would have to package it up in this special thing. Again, I have no idea what it is. And there's a reason I want you all to look it up if you need this. But like, the. The Google searching of how to do that will give you the freedom to then say, okay, so either there is no way to do it so I don't have to feel bad about throwing it away, or the way to do it is not a way that I can actually do. And so now I have the freedom to do this in this less than perfect, non idealistic way, a way that I really am frustrated about. But always remember that when you do that, it changes you, because the pain that you feel having to do the less than idealistic thing with this item is going to make you remember the next time there's a Mylar balloon that you're. And you just naturally, like out of habit, start to deflate it and you're like, wait a minute, I don't do this anymore. The reason you're going to remember that is because of the pain that you experience having to do the less than perfect thing with it. Okay? All right. I hope this has been helpful and I will talk to y' all next week. Bye.