488: Gifts Plus Decluttering

Summary

Podcast Summary: "488: Gifts Plus Decluttering" (A Slob Comes Clean with Dana K. White)

Episode Overview This episode, released December 11, 2025, tackles the intersection of gift-giving and decluttering. Host Dana K. White answers listener questions about managing incoming gifts, the emotional complications around parting with gifts, sentimental items, and setting boundaries during the holidays while maintaining a simplified and organized home.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Challenge of Incoming Gifts ([03:31])

• Dana discusses the overwhelming feeling when receiving gifts, especially after a year of decluttering. She addresses the awkwardness of accumulating items with no space or use for them, and the dread of clutter re-accumulating.
• Dana’s practical advice: Treat gift piles as decluttering projects. Tackle them immediately upon arriving home, the same way you’d unpack a moving box:
  • Bring the bag/box inside.
  • Go through each item, asking: “If I needed this, where would I look for it first?”
  • Decide if you have space or if you need to do a “one in, one out” swap.
  • If you can’t use it or don’t have space, let it go through donation or disposal.
• Dana points out that avoiding this process leads to gifts languishing in the garage “for 20 years.” ([03:57])

Quote ([06:17]):

“If it’s a wooden spoon with a Batman design on it…am I willing to get rid of one of my existing wooden spoons in order to keep this Batman themed wooden spoon? … As long as I’m just…the other problem too is this question was asked ahead of a holiday, which means I’m going on past experience of frustration, probably.”
– Dana K. White

2. Guilt & Donating Unwanted Gifts ([09:45])

• Dana sympathizes with the guilt of donating gifts, particularly the worry of offending family if they spot gifts at a local thrift store.
• Strategies:
  • If donating locally feels impossible, consider driving to a more distant thrift store.
  • Acknowledge that, unless it’s a one-of-a-kind item, it’s unlikely to be recognized.
  • Ultimately, keeping things to avoid feelings isn’t a real solution, as “that’s how garages end up unpark-inable.”

Quote ([09:45]):

“What isn’t an option for you who are asking the question because you want a solution? What isn’t an option without actually having a solution is just to be like, ‘oh, no, what can I do? It’s just going to sit in my garage.’ Because that’s how garages end up unpark-inable. Which is not the goal, right?”
– Dana K. White

3. Dealing with Highly Personalized & Sentimental Gifts ([12:04])

• Tackles the discomfort of discarding or donating very personalized gifts (e.g., wedding photo mugs).
• Approach:
  • Assess if these items can replace something you currently use (“one in, one out”).
  • If not, it’s okay to let go, even if it feels awkward giving away, say, a Tumblr with someone else’s wedding photo.
  • She notes that givers of personalized gifts must accept that these items might end up in thrift stores.

Quote ([13:26]):

“As you are stressing about what do I do with what will be to everyone at the thrift store, a randos’ wedding photo on a cup... for my personalized cup that was given to a lot of different people, I have to acknowledge that may mean that my face ends up in a thrift store.”
– Dana K. White

4. Gifts from Children on Display ([18:12])

• Listener asks about removing son’s handmade gifts (still living at home) for redecorating without hurting feelings.
• Dana’s solution: Use ‘containers’ (shelves, boxes, a display area) to honor items while creating boundaries for what is displayed. This allows curation and celebrates the most special items.
  • Suggests involving the child in the process—sometimes they’re unbothered about keeping everything.

Quote ([18:39]):

“Giving something a designated, honored space is actually powerful in that it shows the value of something... the container can be a solution...”
– Dana K. White

5. Gifts as a Family Love Language, But You Don’t Want Gifts ([19:11])

• A listener feels burdened by a family culture of gift-giving, even after arranging a trip (to Fiji!) instead of gifts—yet they still ended up giving and receiving presents.
• Key insight: Recognize what you can (and can’t) control:
  • Communicate “the trip is the gift,” but accept you can’t control others’ gift-giving habits.
  • Practicing gratitude and setting clear boundaries are essential, even if it’s initially awkward.
  • Sometimes takes “one or two uncomfortable years” sticking to your guns for new traditions to be accepted.

Quote ([25:23]):

“So many general issues in the home come down to a desire for control that is completely unrealistic. I desire to be able to completely control what comes into my home. That’s not realistic... There are people who love you. That’s a wonderful problem to have.”
– Dana K. White

6. Decluttering Gifts from In-Laws / Extended Family ([31:31])

• Debates what to do with sentimental family heirlooms or old items received as gifts from parents/in-laws, especially when storage space is limited or you're moving.
• Her take: If it’s not sentimental to you, acknowledge it. The process for decluttering sentimental items is the same as for everything else.
  • Thank the giver and share the memory if possible.
  • If there’s no space, ask if they want it back or if you can donate it.
  • Standing your ground (kindly) helps others adjust their future gifting behavior.

7. Parting with Gifted Ornaments ([32:13])

• Listener struggles to donate Christmas ornaments that were gifted, even when some haven't been used in years.
• Dana’s tip: Reduce the size of your ornament storage container so only the truly special ones fit.
  • The container sets a natural boundary; it’s no longer a question of an ornament’s inherent value, just whether it fits in your curated space.

Quote ([32:13]):

“The fact that it has value does not mean that it necessarily deserves space in your home, though, because your home, you want to be simplified and easier for you to handle. And so having a smaller container will naturally sort that out.”
– Dana K. White

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On putting off gift decisions:

  “As long as it drops in the garage because you were overwhelmed and you know it’s going to be hard, that’s where it can end up living for 20 years.” ([03:57])

• On decluttering personalized gifts:

  “For my personalized cup that was given to a lot of different people, I have to acknowledge that may mean that my face ends up in a thrift store.” ([13:26])

• On family gifting pressure:

  “Apparently mom is a grinch trying to steal Christmas, even though I planned a trip to Fiji…” ([19:11])

• On emotional boundaries and letting go:

  “You can only do what you can do... sometimes it's that this is an awkward moment, not an unkind moment. We're not saying be unkind, but stick to it...” ([29:56])

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |----------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:31–09:45 | Tips for dealing with gifts, tackling gift piles, and donations | | 09:45–13:26 | Donating locally vs. elsewhere, personalized/cumbersome gifts | | 18:12–19:11 | Displaying or storing gifts from children, using containers | | 19:11–25:23 | Family culture of gifting, emotional management, setting boundaries | | 31:31–32:13 | Sentimental family gifts, heirlooms, handling guilt and space | | 32:13–End | Letting go of gifted ornaments, using smaller storage containers |

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Conclusion

Dana K. White offers empathetic, reality-based advice on managing the influx of holiday gifts, dealing with guilt, communicating boundaries, and maintaining decluttering progress during a season of giving. By reframing decisions through practical, repeatable strategies (“one in, one out”, containers as boundaries, honest communication), listeners are empowered to enjoy their homes and traditions without being overwhelmed by unwanted stuff.

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Useful For: Anyone dreading post-holiday clutter or struggling with the emotional aspects of letting go of gifted items—Dana’s friendly, honest tone makes tough decisions feel a little lighter and more doable.

Transcript

[A]

Y', all, the Take youe House Back course is on sale right now. If you want to make major changes in your home in the new year, grab this course now. So I teach this course with dawn from the Minimal mom and Cass from Clutterbug. We have a lot of fun there. But most importantly, people take their houses back even after years of struggling. Tens of thousands of people have gone through this course and absolutely love it. To learn more and grab it while it's on sale, go to aslob comes clean.com take that's aslobcomesclean.com to get it while it's on sale for $94. Welcome to a Slob Comes Clean, the Podcast. I am Dana K. White. I share my personal deslobification process as I figure out ways to keep my own home under control. I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people. People who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number 488 and I am going to call it gifts plus decluttering or something like that. I am answering some questions that around the theme of gifts that were asked [e-mail] because it's gift time of year. It's the time when you're thinking about buying gifts for others and if you've spent the year decluttering, you have also. Maybe that affects your thoughts around gifts. Like, oh my goodness, how do I give gifts that won't turn into clutter? How do we get ready for the gifts that are going to be coming in? How do I deal with gifts that immediately feel like clutter and all of that kind of stuff. I do want to let you know, and I know I said it in my little opening thing for those of you listening on traditional podcasting networks, but take your house back. The course that I do with dawn from Minimal mom and Cass from Clutterbug is on sale right now. You want to grab it while it's on sale? The reason I bring that up is it's a great thing to ask for for Christmas if you want to get the opposite of clutter. Let's say you've been decluttering and you're like, I don't want stuff. But I everybody's asking what you want. Tell them that's what you want. There is a gift option. So go to a slob comes clean.com take to grab that if you've been procrastinating. Still shopping for that certain someone who has Everything. Consider gifting a Masterclass membership for as low as $10 a month. They can get unlimited access to over 200 classes taught by business leaders, chefs, writers, entertainers and more. They will learn from the best. See y'. All. I have a lot of funny people in my family. The stand up comedy class by Steve Martin is perfect for our resident family comedian. Our aspiring chef can make roasted eggplant with Gordon Ramsay. With MasterC, you get thousands of bite sized lessons in 13 different categories that fit into even the busiest of schedules. You can learn wherever you are on your phone, your laptop or even your tv. Masterclass goes with you and there's no risk. Every new membership comes with a 30 day money back guarantee. Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to masterclass.com slob for the current offer. That's up to 50% [e-mail] slob masterclass.com slob okay, let's go with some of these questions.

Number one, do you have any tips for dealing with gifts? Yes. Oh, there's more to the question. After every holiday, I wind up with a pile of things in the garage that were given with love but which I have no use or room for. I'm afraid to donate them. Because my family are avid thrifters and live locally, I worry they might encounter their gifts in a secondhand store and have their feelings feelings hurt. Okay, so.

First thing I'm gonna say is the pile of things in the garage. In the same way that you are unpacking, when you move, you unpack a box. So I have videos and I have podcasts where I've talked about like when I moved. When someone moves, my recommendation is that you empty the box using the decluttering strategies. Because otherwise it's just a box full of stuff. Oh my goodness, that's overwhelming. Or a pile full of stuff, oh my goodness, that's overwhelming. When you're emptying a box, the goal is for it to end as an empty box that can be broken down and recycled or thrown away or whatever it is you're going to do with it. That's the goal when you're moving. When you are decluttering a pile, the goal is to end with nothing living on this surface. So every single thing in this pile has to either go trash or recycling or the donate box or to a new home. So it's the same way. Instead, what I would say is, as those gifts come into the house, you know, it sounds to me I'M just guessing because I only have this little bit of information to go on, but it sounds. Sounds to me like perhaps you came home from an. A family event and brought the things in and you kind of were like, I don't have room for all this stuff. And so they just kind of got dropped in the garage. Totally, completely understand that situation. But whatever you brought them home in for us, usually that's one of the boxes that was opened. Then we put all the other gifts in with that. Okay. So it becomes in one box or in one bag or something. Go ahead and bring that in. And it's not fun, but bring it into the house and go through it right away. I mean, like, instead of it being. Because as long as it drops in the garage because you were overwhelmed and you know it's going to be hard, that's where it can end up. Living for 20 years. And there might be something in there that you actually can use. So what you do is you bring it in.

And item by item, you pull something out and you ask yourself, if I needed this item, where would I look for it first? And if it is a wooden spoon with a Batman design on it, then you ask yourself, if I needed a wooden spoon, where would I look first for a wooden spoon? Okay, well, I would go look. I would look in the drawer to the left of my kitchen stove. So go to the drawer of the kitchen stove and open that up. And is there room for this one? Which, I mean, obviously you're gonna need to wash it, right? If you're gonna keep it, is there room for it? Am I willing to get rid of one of my existing wooden spoons in order to keep this Batman themed wooden spoon? Sometimes you're going to realize, oh, actually, yes, I. This one right here is. Y'. All. We actually have a wooden spoon right now that I probably should get rid of, except that I keep on using it that is like completely broken. So if somebody gave me a Batman themed wooden spoon, that would be the moment when I walked over there that I realized, oh, of course this one can go. And I'm gonna keep the one that has the Batman symbol burned on it. I don't even know if that's a real thing. I just, you know, I make things up so that that process either gives it a home by getting but giving it a real space or getting rid of something else. Maybe that's equivalent. And I realize, oh, because as long as I'm just. The other problem too is this question was asked ahead of a holiday, which means I'm going on past experience of frustration, probably. You've been decluttering, you've been frustrated with your home, you've been frustrated, frustrated with clutter because you've been listening to a decluttering PO podcast, and that thought process has made you dread the gifts coming in, which then is part of the reason why they get dropped in the garage. And like, oh, I just can't do this right now. But instead to go through the process, sometimes you will realize, oh, this thing that they gave me. Oh, actually it is a new version of the thing that I did have. And okay, I. I can do this. I can get rid of my not, you know, the broken one needs to go in the trash, but I can get rid of this lesser wooden spoon and put this new one in there. And then I have not added clutter to my house because I have one in, one outed, and something has left my home. But I can also go and be able to say, I don't have room for a Batman wooden spoon. I've got the wooden spoons that I saved up for because they were the nice wooden spoons and that those are the perfect ones and they have the pretty handles and I love them. And so therefore, I don't have the room for it. Which is a very different thing than a rejection. It acknowledges this is a nice thing, but it's. I don't have the room for it. Which sometimes can be the thing that allows you to justify going ahead and donating it. Because if it ever were to come up, you'd be able to say, oh, that was so nice. But when I went to put it away.

I realized I didn't have the room for it. I didn't have any space because I'd gotten those ones that I really, really love. And it's not that they're not going to be offended, it's not that they're not going to be even possibly hurt. But your intention wasn't to hurt them. Your intention was. This is my reality, and it's my house, and I have to keep it under control. The other option, if you really cannot, if you need to donate, but you really, truly cannot donate locally, which I would beg to differ. Unless it's a personalized item. I'm guessing that there are. Unless it's a one of a kind in the whole world item. Most thrift stores have multiples of the same kinds of items, and often that's gifty type items. But realistically, if you can't, then, okay, well, then what needs to be Done. You might have to drive to a nearby town to donate. I mean, I know that that's not perfect. I get that that's not what anybody wants to hear. I get that that's not what anybody wants to do. But if you carry it out and you say, I can't give it locally, I can't donate it locally, I also have no place for it home, and you're asking me how to not have it also be in the garage, it has to leave the house some way. And sometimes the reality of, okay, well, then the only option is to drive an hour away to a thrift store that they would never go to to donate it. And then just acknowledging that that is the only option will often help you realize, okay, well, I'm just going to donate here locally because I'm not driving an hour for that. That didn't make any sense. But what isn't an option for you who are asking the question because you want a solution? What isn't an option without actually having a solution is just to be like, oh, no, what can I do? It's just going to sit in my garage. Because that's how garages end up unpark, inable. Which is not the goal. Right? Okay, next question. What do you do with very personalized gifts you don't want to keep? They're too nice to throw away, but it feels weird to donate. My specific example is two metal tumblers with a wedding photo invitation on the outside.

This is tough, but it's kind of the same. I mean, if you don't, you know, go through the process, if you have room, you might realize, oh, this I've been thinking, I already have tumblers, but when I actually physically go to the place where I would look for it first, I realize that two of those tumblers are cracked. Those can be thrown away. That one of those tumblers doesn't have a lid, and therefore I never use it. Okay, that one is going to be thrown away. And then I do have the room for it, and then you can use it. And using it often helps me realize, oh, this is was a cute tumbler, but it doesn't actually keep my coffee hot or my water cold or whatever. And so then I feel justified throwing it away or getting rid of it because using it helped me see if it was great or not. Or you use it and you go, this is actually a pretty nice Tumblr. And I have my friend's wedding picture on my Tumblr. And that's just a conversation piece that I have. But going to the place where you would look for. If you, if you, if you can just go ahead and stick it in the donate box and go, you know what, this is a little bit weird, but I can't have it in my house. Great, do that. But if you can't go through the process of taking it there now and say, all right.

Yeah, I'm not willing to get rid of any of these other ones in order to keep the one with my friend's wedding picture on it. So I am going to donate it. And this is weird, but I have faced the reality of my space. Basically, whatever will let you move forward, do that. The other thing too is as you are stressing about what do I do with what will be to everyone at the thrift store, a randos wedding photo on a fold on a cup. I mean, as someone who's given out personalized gift gifts before, I have to take that on me. You know, for my personalized cup that was given to a lot of different people, I have to acknowledge that may mean that my face ends up in a thrift store. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. For a lot of us, the holidays are all about family traditions. Sometimes those traditions can be a little stressful, or the lack of traditions can make us feel lonely. Better Help Online therapy can help wrap up the year with clarity rather than chaos. So with family traditions come my expectations for family members and their expectations for me. I have found it so helpful to talk through these kinds of expectations with my therapist. If you or someone you know might benefit from connecting with a therapist during these darker days, consider Better Help. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, serving over 5 million people globally. They have an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. This December, start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% [e-mail] Clean that's better. H E L P.com Clean this podcast is sponsored by Prep Dish. Juggling holiday parties, programs and gatherings can make it tough to find the time to do everyday tasks like getting meals on the table. That is why I love Prep Dish. This weekly meal planning takes all the thinking out of dinner. Each week I receive a full menu with seasonal recipes. Right now, the Cozy Stews sheet pan meals are hearty and they're easy. Along with the menu, I get a grocery list and easy prep ahead instructions delivered to my inbox. Over the weekend, I can spend an hour or two prepping meals for the week and then it only takes minutes to get each of the delicious dinners on the table all week long. I'm really excited about Prep Dish's newest feature. So you can connect the grocery list directly with with Instacart, creating an online cart automatically. I love that I can change out brands, add snacks and check out without leaving the house. The food is healthy and yummy like the ground turkey zucchini and mushroom quinoa bowl with lemon herb dressing. Last week you can try Prep dish free for two weeks at prepdish.com slob comes clean that's prepdish.com aslob comes clean it's like hitting the easy button on winter dinners. When choosing gifts for everyone on my list, I want to give things that people really love because I know that Quince offers beautiful, timeless pieces they'll wear for years. It's one of my favorite places to shop. Everything I've ordered has been so well made and comfortable. Premium quality at a price that actually makes sense. They have classic pieces like the stretch silk tank that I recently ordered. You know how you want the perfect fit for an item like that? This tank has that perfect fit and it feels luxurious. I've given quite a few gifts from Quince. Their down outerwear pieces make amazing gifts for my family members who live in cold climates. Perfect for upgrading my own wardrobe too. Quince works directly with ethical top tier factories, skipping the middlemen and offering prices 50% less than similar brands. Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them with quints. Go to quints.com clean for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com clean to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com clean next question. How do I declutter items my son made as a gift or made as gifts for me that I no longer like? You like the sun? It's just the gifts that he made. That's what you don't like, right?

How do I declutter items? My son made his gifts for me that I no longer like. My son still lives with me. They are displayed in the living room and I don't want to hurt his feelings but would love to redecorate the space. This is where containers can be really valuable. Yes, they help make decisions. They also honor things. Giving something a designated honored space is actually.

Powerful in that it shows the value of something for things to Be curated like these are. I'm really highlighting and emphasizing these specific things can be a solution to this. The container can be a solution to this in that way as well. So what does that mean? Well, it means that let's say you. You're saying that you love these gifts or you actually said you don't like them anymore.

I would say reduce the size of the area. So maybe it makes a. You make one shelf. This is the shelf where I'm going to put the items my son made me. Or this is the. This is the drawer. Or this is the special box. If you want to put these things away, this is the special box. And you say, I'm redecorating the living room. I have designated this shelf for the most special things out of the ones that you've made for me. Or I have designated this box to keep the most special things. And maybe it's a decorative box that goes on a shelf that only you know what's in there. Otherwise, it's just a pretty box that you enjoy. So letting that smaller space be the defining factor. And you could go through it and say, this is. These are the things I would like to keep in this smaller designated space. And these are the things that I, you know, don't want to let go. Or you could ask him to do it, or you could ask him to do it together. If you do it together, you might find out that he's like, you can get rid of all that. I mean, you just never know. So it's always good to ask. But if you, if you feel concerned about it, this is a way to approach that. All right, next question. This person says they acknowledge that this is a, a privileged dilemma. Okay? So I just want to go into it that there is no, no assumption of, you know, entitlement or anything here. Okay, so understand. But she asked, please soften it because it sounds like an obnoxious rich person problem. When. What do I do when gifts receiving and giving is the love language of everyone in my household, I do not want gifts. With rare exceptions, I only see them as a burden or a chore. I've told my kids that special photos of them. If they need a physical gift, a photo changing picture frame is a good option. I also appreciate a handwritten card or a g gift card to a restaurant or similar like manicure or massage. Basically experiences things I don't have to pick up or find a place for. I have made so much decluttering progress in the last 12 years. For the past five years, it's been pretty manageable. Presentable enough to have guests over within 15 to 20 minutes. But my family loves to receive gifts. I tried to do an alternative to gifts this year. The plan was stockings only with some good choice, well thought out gifts. A nice watch, earbud, headphones. Good gifts, but small and purposeful. We literally flew to Fiji for Christmas. Even brought grandpa for extra fun because I had planned to do a no gift Christmas jokes on me. Hubby still brought bought everyone gifts. Kids still bought everyone gifts. Apparently mom is a grinch trying to steal Christmas. Even though I planned a trip to Fiji and thus I was guilt pressured into buying each family member one to two medium gifts to have something to open. And no, my kids aren't entitled. They work to earn money plus two chores, blah, blah, blah. So.

The first thing I would say is, are you sure you're pressured to buy gifts? I mean, like, are you sure? Because we have done a trip as well. Like we, we did Disney more than once for Christmas. That was like, I think we've been two or three times at Christmas over like every five years or so we've gone. And.

Yes, my kids still buy each other gifts. And if somebody wants to give gifts, they can. But a reminder of, you know, this trip is your gift is okay, you know, and so I'm, I'm just asking, are they actually. Because you said your kids are not entitled. So my, it feels like they're not the one saying, mom, I can't believe you didn't give gifts gifts. What's wrong with you? It feels like maybe you're taking that on because you did give a gift. And it could be, you know, a thoughtful note of, like, this is what I love about being with you on family vacations. Because remember, this vacation is your gift. I don't know, like something along those lines of just a reminder and taking that off because you are trying to do, trying to do gifts. I think that's trying to do the experience as opposed to the physical gifts for the reasons that you've already stated. And I think that that's, that's one of the keys to thinking through this whole idea of gifts is acknowledging that I'm not the one in control of gifts. If I am, that's a request that someone else is fulfilling. It's not a gift they get to choose. Which means it's a practice for me in being grateful and also dealing with it in reality. Like we talked about, like, I tried. I don't have space for this item. That doesn't mean I'M not grateful. Expressing that gratitude, being honest and open about the gratitude. I can be thankful that you thought of me. I can be thankful that you picked this out. At the same time, I can not have space for it in my home or within my clutter threshold. And I can be grateful for that. So I think make sure that you're not taking on this idea that I have to do that. A reminder of, you know, which, I mean, my whole life strategy, which I know this doesn't work for everybody, not everybody can do this, but is to just kind of be like, just to laugh. And I'm like, don't forget this trip. That's the gift from me. Don't forget. Okay. Okay. Like, that's how I deal with stuff, is I just kind of bluntly say it out there instead of, you know, letting it be a thing that turns into something else because nobody's actually saying it out loud. I mean, I'll just go ahead and say whatever out loud but. And try to do it kindly. Don't always succeed. But that is the way to just look at gifts as I. So many issues.

In life, but I'm not here to give general life advice. I'm here to give home advice. So many general issues in life. So many general issues in the home come down to a desire for control that is completely unrealistic. I desire to be able to completely control what comes into my home. That's not realistic. I live. There are people who. Who love you. That's a wonderful problem to have. And I know you get that. Like, I know from the way you ask the question. I'm not in any way belittling or whatever. I'm just reminding you to take a moment to purpose, think of it that way. Say, this is not something I can control. I can control what I do. I can control how I frame things. I can control how I. I remind people of things. But I can't control what other people are going to give to me. And I'm going to choose to be thankful. My daughter and I were having that conversation. I've probably mentioned this, but we were talking about something, it's been a couple years ago, and I said, you know, such and such, whatever we're talking about. I said, I choose not to be offended. And she was like, you can choose not to be offended. And I'm like, yeah, you can. And it's not always easy. It's sometimes something I have to remind myself of over and over because I'm like, I am making a choice to not be Offended. I am making a choice to not dwell on this thing, to not be mad that they gave me a gift. I'm making a choice to trust that they understand that the gift was the trip, because I said it was the trip. And I'm going to trust that they. You said they're great people, that they get it, and not everybody's going to get it. But that doesn't affect that. I've still made this choice. You can only do what you can do. Other thing too is sometimes it. What was the thing that you said? Something about like this. Something along in there made it feel like maybe this is what always ends up happening. Well, as long as it always ends up happening, it's gonna keep happening. It might be the one or two uncomfortable years where you say and you remind people, no, really, this is the gift. The, the trip, the experience. That's the gift. If you stick to it this year, yes, it's awkward and yes, it's uncomfortable, and you might have to explain some things and you might have to, you know, just let go of those uncomfortable feelings of what are they thinking, blah, blah, blah. But then the next time you do a trip and you say that this is it, then they're gonna go, oh, she really does mean it, y'. All. I, I've, I've shared this before, I think, but, you know, my mother is the type who says exactly what she thinks. My mother in law was the type who assumed that no one ever said what they were actually thinking and that whatever someone said, you had to then figure out what they actually meant. I took after my mother. I generally will say what I mean. And there was a major learning curve with my mother in law and I, because I would say what I meant and then she would try to figure out what I meant because it couldn't possibly be what I said and what I said was what I meant. And so then that caused a lot of stress. But, you know, we ended up with a great relationship and we learned to laugh about it. And we got to where we had a great relationship, partly because I understood the way she was hearing things and therefore that affected how I spoke and how I acted. And she learned what I meant and what I was, that I was taking her for her word when she would say something, even though she was assuming that I would then reinterpret it and know what I really. What she really meant. Like we had to learn over time. And so sometimes it's that this is an awkward moment, not an unkind moment. We're not saying be unkind, but but stick to it, you know, so that then they know oh, when she says that the trip is the gift, the trip is the gift.

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My mother in law knows how far we've come with decluttering and simplifying and she knows I usually say no to most items she offers. She waits until birthdays or Christmas to gift us things like a glass bowl from her grandmother or handmade clothes that don't fit and tells us how important they are to her. But she doesn't want them anymore. Now the whole family has seen us receive these things and they knew the family member it belonged to. I did not. My husband hardly remembers, so it makes it super hard to part with it even though it's a something we don't need, don't want or need, or b hard to manage when it's glass or fragile c We don't have the space because we're moving soon. What do I do with these highly sentimental gifts we never wanted?

You know, the truth is it's not sentimental to you. So acknowledge that. But that's not the end, right? Like, that's not. Well, it's not sentimental to me, so I'm getting rid. Because you have all these other feelings and relationships and guilt and all that. So we're not just going to say that's the end answer, but it is definitely something that's true and important to acknowledge. Also, they say it's sentimental, but they didn't want it in their house. So it's not as sentimental as maybe they're claiming it is. Okay, again, that's another truth that plays into this. But it's not the truth that it makes you go, okay, well, then it has to go. Unless it lets you let it go, then that's great. So with those things in mind, then you. She knows how far you've come. Decluttering and simplifying. She knows you don't want most items, and so then you say thank you graciously. And in the moment, you have that moment where you talk about this thing, you talk about the person, you talk about the memory, because that was the intention of her gift. She wanted to share a memory with you. So share that memory. Thank her. And then when it's time to put it in your home, if there's not a spot for it, then it needs to go. And if you feel like you need to say, hey, I don't actually have a spot for this. Do you want it back or do you want me to donate? You can do that depending on, you know, how that dynamic works in. In your family. It's not fun. She may be offended, but she does already know that you're decluttering and simplifying. And so therefore, this is going to be the thing that helps you show her. Yeah, that includes this stuff, too, you know, because it's the same. You've heard me here on the podcast. I'm sure we've talked many times about this is the decluttering process. And then people say, got it. Okay, yes, I get it. It works. But what about sentimental stuff? I'm like, well, same process. Where would I look for it first? Is there room for it there? Am I willing to. To get rid of something else in order to keep it? Or does it need to go because it actually isn't sentimental enough to stay? You know, so, like, all of those things still apply. She, you know, may not. And over time, if she's offended, you can apologize and you can say, I'm so sorry, and you can make an effort for you to not be the One that makes it weird, but also stand your ground. And then over time, she'll learn to not give you things. Let's see. I'm having a hard time getting rid of gifted Christmas ornaments, even when I know they haven't made it on the tree in the past few years. Storage is not currently an issue, but they feel like a duh donation until I'm holding it and I freeze. How do I move past that feeling? Reduce the container. So clearly they have a space to go, you know, meaning, you know, space is not an issue. Storage is not currently an issue, but they are driving you kind of bananas until you're holding it and you think, okay, I'm going to get rid of those. And then you hold it in your hand and you're like, oh, no, this was given to me by so and so. Reduce the container, meaning whatever you're storing them in, go with a smaller container. Because what's that going to end up doing? It's going to end up making it easier for you because you won't be dealing with these items. It'll help you sort things out. It'll be easier to move in and out of storage when it's time to decorate for Christmas, all that kind of stuff. So think of it that way and say, whatever I've been storing them in, I'm going to reduce that. I'm going to do. I'm going to store them in something smaller. You probably have a box or something somewhere that you could use. And then when you go to pack them up, because you likely have already started decorating at the point when I. This podcast is going to come out, when you go to pack them out up, pack them into the smaller container. And then the ones that don't fit in that smaller container, let that be the thing that's making that hard decision. Instead of holding something in your hand and deciding, does it have value? It has value. It was gifted to you. The fact that it has value does not mean that it necessarily deserves space in your home, though, because your home, you want to be simplified and easier for you to handle. And so having a smaller container will naturally sort that out. According to, does it deserve. Does it deserve space in here? Which might means that a couple of those gifted ornaments do get to stay, but it'll naturally sort out which ones are. Oh, yes, these are the ones that I have very specific memories of. And then all these other ones were like, oh, a gifted ornament. And then I realized it was from an ornament exchange from a job I had 25 years ago that I actually really could not stand anybody at that job. You know, the. The problem is that so many times, if you're just looking at something and asking yourself, should I keep it or not, you look at the category of item, whether it's an ornament and ornaments are good or a gifted ornament. Well, gifted ornaments are great. And instead of saying, this is the space great or not, does it deserve space here or not? Okay. I hope that was helpful. I hope this made any sense whatsoever. I hope you have a wonderful time getting your home ready for the holidays. And don't forget to take your house back. Course is on sale, so go to a slob comes clean.com take if you're interested in that. All right, I will talk to y' all next week. Bye.