497: Working Through Family Treasures

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: A Slob Comes Clean with Dana K. White

Episode 497: Working Through Family Treasures
Release Date: February 12, 2026
Main Guests: Host: Dana K. White; Guest: Karen

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Overview

This episode centers around the emotional and practical challenges of decluttering “family treasures”—sentimental, inherited, or meaningful items—especially during life transitions like downsizing, empty nesting, or moving. Dana welcomes listener Karen, a fellow “kindred spirit,” to discuss her recent experiences moving, simplifying, and navigating which family items to keep, repurpose, or release. The conversation offers a compassionate, reality-based look at decluttering when emotions, family history, and changing life stages are all in play.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Life Transitions and Decluttering Pressures

(03:08–05:56)

• Karen shares her “empty nester” situation: both children are married and moved out, prompting a downsizing from a large family home to a smaller, more manageable one-story house.
• She recounts having to prepare both her old house for sale and her new house for moving in, which meant a massive amount of sorting, donating, and discarding.
  • “We’ve moved many things that have so far after this gone to the donation or the trash.” – Karen [04:25]

2. Ongoing Nature of Decluttering

(04:49–05:56)

• Even though the move is “done,” Karen acknowledges the decluttering process is ongoing, especially after basement repairs forced her to reorganize and reconsider stored items.
  • “Am I done with getting rid of all the trash and the donations? No.” – Karen [04:49]

3. The Power of Progress, Not Perfection

(05:59–06:40)

• Karen references Dana’s oft-repeated “progress, not perfection” mantra.
  • "He says, what does Dana say? Dana says progress, not perfection." – Karen [06:09]
• Emotional support comes from family as well: Karen’s husband reminds her to value progress over an unattainable perfect state.

4. Putting Decluttering Strategies into Practice

The Container Concept
(06:40–10:43)

• Karen discusses using Dana’s “container concept”—the idea that limited physical space naturally sets boundaries for how much can be kept.
  • She proactively measured and mapped out spaces in the new home before moving items.
  • Donations: Large items and furniture went to a furniture bank when her kids declined them, which was emotionally easier than selling.
• “It was definitely a benefit to me emotionally... I wanted somebody to have it who wouldn’t have been able to buy it themselves.” – Karen [07:25]
• Karen’s children did take some special family pieces, notably an old hutch that will be refinished and gifted to her daughter—a way to keep family connection alive without defaulting to “keep everything.”

5. Decision Fatigue and the Emotional Work of Letting Go

(10:43–11:51, 29:29–33:40)

• Karen speaks honestly about the exhaustion that comes from constant decision-making during decluttering, especially post-move or with health limitations.
• Dana advocates for avoiding the “pull everything out” approach, instead using her no-mess, incremental methods that don’t leave you stranded with unfinished chaos.
  • “I don’t have to predict how much energy I’m going to have, which means I know for a fact the energy that I do expend is going to be worth it.” – Dana [30:38]

6. Adapting Strategies for Physical Limitations and Reality

(11:53–13:30, 14:13–16:20)

• Karen discusses how health limitations (knee replacements, shoulder surgery) mean she can’t easily “take it there now” (Dana’s rule to immediately relocate things to their rightful home).
  • She admits to the temptation of ignoring the basement (“out of sight, out of mind”).
• Dana gently challenges: If a space is so inaccessible that things are unlikely to be used or retrieved, is it truly “worth” keeping them?

7. Sentimental Items: When Family History Meets Limited Space

(17:04–25:54, 37:08–41:55, 43:40–47:52)

• Karen details struggles with highly sentimental artwork and family items in the basement that “aren’t doing anybody any good down there.”
  • She’s torn between their heritage value and practical realities like full walls and less display space.
  • Dana encourages the “one in, one out” rule: only keep what fits on current walls, making active choices rather than defaulting to storage.
  • Notable Insight: Kids don’t have to inherit firsthand memories—displaying cherished items in one’s own home can give the next generation new, personal associations.
    • “My child might have a memory associated with it in my house for me... it may not be ‘that was my grandpa’s school’... It can be ‘that was the picture my mom associates with her childhood.’” – Dana [19:45]

8. Letting Go of Guilt and Accepting Current Generational Attitudes

(43:40–47:52)

• Karen recognizes that her children’s generation often doesn’t want to inherit as many family artifacts—and is okay with them making their own choices.
  • Dana affirms it’s healthiest to offer, ask, but then let go, rather than keep items in perpetuity “just in case.”
    • “Use the things and give them real homes as opposed to storage spaces.” – Dana [47:24]

9. Practical Application to Projects (Photos, Craft Rooms, Everyday Clutter)

(37:08–41:55)

• Karen describes the paralysis that comes with photo collections (“too many decisions!”).
• Dana reiterates that the “container concept” can apply even here: setting a physical limit for albums or boxes, and only keeping what fits.
  • This approach helps avoid emotional overwhelm by making the container “the bad guy” in decisions.
• For difficult decluttering (sentimental things, craft rooms), Dana says not to start with the hardest items. Focus on visible, easier areas first—the rest will follow.

10. Community and Support: The Role of Group Accountability

(54:04–56:16)

• Karen shares how the supportive online “Kindred Spirits” community (Dana’s Patreon group) helps her keep momentum and feel less alone.
  • Scheduled “work-along” sessions provide structure, energy, and accountability for incremental projects.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Progress Over Perfection:
  • “Progress and only progress. Exactly.” – Dana [06:33]
• On the Power of Containers:
  • “Go ahead and let the container decide.” – Dana [24:55]
• On Combining Sentimental Value with Use:
  • “If I actually use these things… this thing stays sentimental, because now I’m using these kitchen tools with my kids.” – Dana [20:15]
• On Letting Go for the Next Generation:
  • “We’re not going to hold it in a box in the garage because I don’t want it and what if they might want it... As of right now, they said no, I’m going to get rid of it.” – Dana [47:16]
• On Making Decluttering Manageable:
  • “Don’t think about the basement yet... just declutter using the normal five-step no mess process in this space.” – Dana [31:15]
• On Physical Space as a Decision-Maker:
  • “The car, the garage is a container for the car. And so when there’s an empty space in there... it is there to be available when the car drives.” – Dana [49:23]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:08 – Karen’s downsizing move and empty nest transition
• 04:49 – Move “done,” but decluttering continues
• 06:09 – Progress, not perfection mantra discussed
• 07:25 – Emotional relief of donating, rather than selling
• 10:43 – Decision fatigue and emotional labor in decluttering
• 13:04 – Physical challenges and the “take it there now” struggle
• 17:04 – Sentimental artwork dilemma, limits of display space
• 19:45 – How displaying objects creates new family memories
• 24:07 – “One in, one out” as a rule for sentimental items
• 31:15 – Using the five-step, no-mess process (visibility rule)
• 37:08 – Problematic photo collections and containers as boundaries
• 43:40 – Realities of next-generation attitudes toward heirlooms
• 47:24 – Embracing current reality, letting go for family’s future
• 49:23 – Car garage as container; space as decision-maker
• 54:04 – Community support and benefits of group decluttering

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Tone & Style

Warm, conversational, encouraging, and realistic. Dana and Karen’s banter is friendly and transparent, with a blend of humor and practical wisdom. Dana provides gentle but firm advice, validating Karen’s emotions while steadily redirecting her focus toward effective decluttering strategies. The tone is supportive and never shaming, with acknowledgement that decluttering—especially of sentimental family treasures—is an ongoing process with emotional complexity.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a relatable deep dive into the practical and emotional realities of decluttering family mementos and treasures—especially in the context of life changes. Listeners will find actionable strategies (container concept, “one in, one out,” no-mess process), encouragement to balance sentimentality with space, and compassionate permission to let go of both items and guilt. The episode is especially helpful for empty nesters, adult children of aging parents, and anyone facing the “what do I do with this stuff?” conundrum.

Skip to these highlights for key advice and emotional support:

• Sentimental object decision strategies (17:04–25:54)
• Managing physical and emotional limits in decluttering (11:53–16:20, 29:29–33:40)
• The role of community support and accountability (54:04–56:16)

Transcript

[Dani K. White]

Hi y'.

[Karen]

All.

[Dani K. White]

Did you know that my first children's book is coming out this month? I am so ridiculously excited to share Winnie's pile of pillows with you. So Winnie is a walrus who finds out she loves pillows and keeps getting more until her room is so full of pillows she can't do the things she wants to do because there are pillows everywhere. It's for ages 4 to 8 and it's full of bright and fun illustrations. It will bridge the communication gap between you and your kids about clutter. If you pre order, you can get fun printables at A slob comes clean.com/winnie. That's aslobcamsclean.com Winnie W I N N I E welcome to A Slob Comes Clean the podcast. I am Dani K. White. I share my personal desalobification process as I figure out ways to keep my own home under control. I share the truth about cleaning, organizing and decluttering strategies that work for real people in real life. Even people who don't like cleaning and organizing and decluttering.

[Dana K. White]

Thanks for joining me today.

[Dani K. White]

This is podcast number 497. Note to myself, I need to let my husband know that he needs to.

[Dana K. White]

Be ready because we got to record.

[Dani K. White]

An episode since he comes on the podcast every hundredth episode so it will be his fifth time on soon. So if you want to send me an email to A slob comes clean gmail.com and let me know what you would like us to talk about in the episode when my husband comes on in three episodes from now.

[Dana K. White]

So all right. I think I'm going to call today's.

[Dani K. White]

Podcast Working Through Family Treasures. So I am talking with one of my kindred spirits.

[Dana K. White]

Had such a fun conversation and we talk about family treasures and how other family members feel or want feel about them or if they want them and specifically artwork and other types of things. It's like what do I do? And I am happy to report that.

[Dani K. White]

In our last kindred spirit group, Zoom Call that we do every month, she reported that she had made progress on the things that we talked about in this session. So I love, I love knowing that.

[Dana K. White]

To be able to tell y' all that. But we had a great conversation and.

[Dani K. White]

I think you're gonna enjoy this. Don't forget if you would like to know more about joining us in our.

[Dana K. White]

Patreon community, you can go to patreon.com.

[Dani K. White]

A slob comes clean all right, here is our conversation.

[Dana K. White]

Karen, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. You were telling Me before we got started recording that you feel like it's your time because you appreciate it when other people do this.

[Karen]

I do. I love to hear about other people's situations and how they've conquered their decluttering issues. And I hope that maybe somebody will get something out of what I've been able to do with mine.

[Dana K. White]

Well, I really appreciate that and I know others do too. So tell us your unique life situation.

[Karen]

Well, right now I'm an empty nester. I, unlike you, Dana, I've married my two children off, so I'm pretty sure they're not coming back.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah, I'm, I'm an empty nester, but not really.

[Karen]

Not quite. Yes. Well, both my kids, they're 29 and 26, they're out of college and both got married. One last year, one this year. And so it's my husband and I and we had a big house in a neighborhood that we were in for about 25 years where the kids were growing up and all the school friends and everything. But it was a two story house with four bedrooms and a finished basement. And I said, I don't want to keep that much clean. We're not living in that much space. So when a friend of ours found out that she could no longer keep her house, which was a one story house, I said to her daughter, I said, I'd like to take a look at it. And so it worked out very well for us. We, it wasn't a good time for us to try to move, but she had a few months then that she could help her mom, you know, adjust to her new situation and what she was going to do with all the stuff she had for 20 years. And I got a little bit of time to try to get ready for a move, but I also had to get my house ready for a move. So we, we've moved many things that have so far after this gone to the donation or the trash.

[Dana K. White]

Are you completely done with the move at this point?

[Karen]

Yes, we're done with the move. Am I done with getting rid of all the trash and the donations? No.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah, yeah.

[Karen]

That.

[Dana K. White]

I feel like that's why we say like anything, you can go ahead and trash is great because you're still going to have more that you will still have to that.

[Karen]

Yeah, well, and then after we were here for about a year, we found out that the one wall in our basement was starting to lean in and thank goodness they didn't have to do a major something to it, but they reinforced it with some carbon fibers and the Instructions were to move everything 10ft away from that wall, to which I said, 10ft. Oh, okay. No big deal. And then I went down and measured how big 10ft was, and it was definitely more than I thought. So we had to move quite a bit of stuff. And now the point is, I said, I'm not moving it all back so that I can declutter it. Then I'm going to declutter it before I put it back in. And that means it's still a progress in progress.

[Dana K. White]

Okay, so. But progress is good.

[Karen]

So that is one of the things that I really appreciated from you. And my husband repeats it to me all the time because I try not to be negative, but I seem to start a number of things and, you know, oh, I want to work on this, or I'm going to do that, or I have five minutes, I'll work on that project, and then I don't leave it more of a mess. But it's not as clean as I would like it to be, or it's not done. He says, what does Dana say? Dana says progress, not perfection.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah, progress and only progress. Exactly. So, okay, so tell me some things that are working really well for you.

[Karen]

Well, definitely the container concept was a big one. When we had this move, I called the Ohio Food or Furniture bank two or three times and had them come out and pick up things. Because my kids got married, I thought maybe they'd want some of them. And so we kept taking pictures of things on our phone and saying, does anybody want this? Nope. Okay, it's going.

[Dana K. White]

Did they take anything? I'm just curious.

[Karen]

Yes, they did. We had a couple desks, and we had some. Well, they didn't like the upholstered furniture, but the end tables, the coffee table. Again, we. We had bed frames, but not bed mattresses. You know, that. All those things, and they give them away, which was definitely a benefit to me emotionally. Rather than having somebody turn around and sell it, I wanted somebody to have it who wouldn't have been able to buy it themselves.

[Dani K. White]

So. Okay.

[Dana K. White]

Did your kids take anything?

[Karen]

Yes, they did, actually. The last thing just left last week. My daughter has asked us to keep the hutch that was my mother's that we wrapped up in 2014 when she moved to an assisted living facility. And she. I said, does anybody want Grandma's hutch? And I thought I was going to get a.

[Dana K. White]

No.

[Karen]

It's kind of an avocado green, really. Not anything that would go with any style, but Emma said she might want it, so we moved it but the movers could not get it in the basement because there's a 90 degree turn right at the bottom of the stairs. So they tried. So this thing has been in our garage, which is not ideal for it or for us. But now that she got married, we said, a wedding gift, we're going to refinish it for you. And the idea is the guy will come and take it from our garage, he will refinish it, and he will deliver it to her family room, her dining room.

[Dana K. White]

That's actually perfect.

[Dani K. White]

That's great.

[Karen]

It was. And she's got a piece of grandma with, you know, with her, and she'll see it every day. So that was one of the big things. But yes, my children and my nephews, when the stuff belonged to my grandmother, did take some things, probably my daughter more. So. I think girls are more, a little bit more sentimental about furniture maybe than guys.

[Dana K. White]

I don't know yet.

[Karen]

Or they don't think about it. Maybe the girls do. Yeah.

[Dana K. White]

So. So tell me, so the container concept helped you in the moving process?

[Karen]

Yes, because I was a little type A and I did the graph paper for each of the rooms and measured all the furniture that I was moving and made sure that it was going to fit in each room. I put those up on the doorway so that the movers knew kind of generally, if I wasn't standing right there, where to put the furniture. And that sort of worked. But I was very disappointed when one of the movers who was putting stuff in the basement said, you have a lot of stuff. I said, oh, Dana would not be happy with that.

[Dana K. White]

I would understand.

[Karen]

But I'm guessing it was mostly the basement. It was mostly guessing.

[Dana K. White]

It could have been more.

[Karen]

Yes, it, it definitely could have been. I. I got rid of half of my books, about 50%. My father was a professor, so books, and I have books, and my autograph books are up here. I've got two bookcases downstairs. I've got. So, yes, we've, we've done quite a bit of decluttering, but we know that the job is not done.

[Dani K. White]

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[Dana K. White]

Else that's worked well for you?

[Karen]

Well, I have definitely used your take it there now process. I'm still fighting it though. I, I really. I have artificial knees and just had a shoulder replacement surgery last summer and I just don't have the energy anymore to say I'll go take it where it needs to go. And it has been too easy for me to ignore the basement because of that because I don't go down and see it. So I know your process. I understand your process. I love your process. I love your sense of humor. That was the first thing that I noticed. Oh my goodness. She. She laughs at what's going on. This is great. This is going to be fun. She is just like me.

[Dani K. White]

I know.

[Dana K. White]

So, so with the take it there now and your knees and the basement, does that mean the basement is just going to kind of a non space for you to use or are you.

[Karen]

It is not going to be finished.

[Dani K. White]

It is.

[Karen]

It has Christmas decor things in it. I have some fall and spring Easter.

[Dana K. White]

Type things that all stuff that you can depend on someone else bringing up for you.

[Karen]

My husband, I do depend on him to do all that. When it comes to Christmas, my son has to come over and help with the Christmas tree because well, my husband won't let me lift things because one of the reasons why the shoulder replacement had to happen was because I tried to lift something too heavy.

[Dana K. White]

So let me ask you with that. This stuff that you are resisting taking there now because it should go to the basement. Do you ever let that turn it into.

[Karen]

It goes to the top of the stairs.

[Dana K. White]

But do you ever let that turn it into an obvious donation if it's something that.

[Karen]

Not obvious. But I have done that. Yes. That's helpful to think, oh this is too much work. I'm not even going to bother to put it down there. I think maybe my type A personality Has a problem with just doing that blindly. So I should go down the basement. I should take it there.

[Dana K. White]

Now, I'm not saying. I'm not saying to go down the basement if it's not safe. I'm saying if it.

[Karen]

Oh, it's not that it's unsafe. It's just that my legs start hurting. Yeah.

[Dana K. White]

What I'm saying is if I would look for it in the basement, but the basement is someplace I don't actually go, then does that mean there's no place for it in my home in reality, period? Like, do you ever let it take you to that point and say, okay, well, the basement's out of it. So I either have to. I have to take that out of the equation and say, where would I look for it first? That's not the basement that I can access. And if there's not an answer for that, then maybe there's not a place for it.

[Karen]

Maybe that's. Yes, I can see that. That would be definitely tough.

[Dana K. White]

Right. But at the same time, if you don't want.

[Karen]

Like I said, I'm resisting it. But I know that that's the answer. That's right. That's good.

[Dana K. White]

Because I feel like there's, you know, having young adult kids like we were talking about and having. Yes, they can come home sometimes. I do go.

[Dani K. White]

How?

[Dana K. White]

Every time they come home, I want them to move something.

[Karen]

But you come and visit. Oh, I'm sorry. The first thing is you have to move.

[Dana K. White]

I've got a list, honey. But at the same time, it's that it's one thing to say, hey, it's time to get Christmas decorations or fall decorations. And I know where they are down there. Can you go down and bring those up? That's different than everyday items that I can't access.

[Karen]

Yes.

[Dana K. White]

So.

[Karen]

And I don't have things like that downstairs.

[Dana K. White]

Okay.

[Karen]

Like, I have a little wardrobe down there that has the two mother. The bride's dresses that I wore for the wedding. I will probably never need those again. But at least I got rid of my wedding dress. When I. I married my daughter off, we found somebody who would make a robe out of it for her.

[Dana K. White]

Oh, that's cool.

[Karen]

And it's got my lace and satin and stuff from the dress, because the dress would not have worked for her. It was the big, poofy 90s stuff, maybe. Yes.

[Dani K. White]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana K. White]

No, I like that. I did not. But everybody else did. I was the. I was. I had mine designed over when I lived in Thailand, so.

[Karen]

Oh, neat.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah, mine was. I know this is not what we're talking about today. But mine. Mine was. Did you ever watch Much Ado About Nothing? The movie with Kenneth Branagh and Thompson? So that was the inspiration for mine. And so I just was like, that's what I want. And so that was my. So mine did not look like most people's did at the time, but a lot more people have stuff like it now.

[Karen]

But you were able to have somebody make it for you. Yeah, right.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah, I was able to say, this is what I want. And she made it. Yeah, it was really fun. So tell me, what are some of the situations you would like to talk about?

[Karen]

I guess back to my basement. I have some original artwork, and I have filled almost all of my walls down. And yet there are things downstairs that I'm not ready to get rid of. But I know they're not doing anybody any good by just being in the basement because nobody goes down there to go see the university where my father was a professor for 30 years. His cousin actually is a freshman at the college across the street, was doing an artwork thing for her elementary school education program, and she did a watercolor of the building where my dad was. And all my life, and I'm not young, but all my life, the 30 years he was there, I remember that being on the wall in his office. And I just can't get rid of it because it's got a story. It's. It's done by a family member. It has memories for me, and I guess I could probably find a place to put it. I wouldn't have a problem with that. I'm thinking too far forward, maybe, and going. My kids aren't going to care about.

[Dana K. White]

Okay, don't think about that at this point. Let's talk about the fact that it's important to you. It's important to you. You said your walls are full. Are your walls absolutely perfect?

[Karen]

No.

[Dana K. White]

Okay.

[Karen]

But I do know I've got to make room for another wedding picture. I've got some. I've got one from my son's wedding, and my daughter got her engagement pictures, but we're gonna have to.

[Dana K. White]

The reason I ask, are they absolutely perfect, is just to ask, have you gone through the one in, one out? Like, this is an important thing to me. It means a lot to me.

[Karen]

Okay.

[Dana K. White]

So therefore, is there anything hanging up anywhere that I'm willing to get rid of this because somebody said something, trying to think. You. You might know if you've watched something or listen to my stuff, if this has already aired or not? But somebody was saying, or maybe it was one of. One of our kindred spirit calls about how she had things that were important to her and she realized, if I will actually use these things, then no, my child doesn't have a memory associated with it to do with my dad.

[Karen]

Not a first person memory.

[Dani K. White]

Right.

[Dana K. White]

My child might have a memory associated with it in my house for me. Right. Like, so it may not be that was my grandpa's school. Instead, it can be that was the picture that my mom associates with her childhood seeing in her father's thing. Does that make sense? I think it was that actually at our kindred spirits retreat, when somebody shared that she realized that the, the, the tools that she had used with her grandmother, she was like, it's better for me to go ahead and use it because now I'm using these kitchen tools with my kids and they. This thing stays sentimental. Does that make sense?

[Karen]

There you go. And that does sound like something I've heard.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah. And so think of it as I.

[Karen]

Make the memory for my kids.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah, you enjoy it for yourself. Like, enjoy it for you. And then they will either not have a memory associated with it or not, or have a memory associated with it, and then they'll make those decisions at some point. But for you, is. Is it important enough to you to one in, one out something else that is on the wall at this point?

[Karen]

Yeah, I think, I think that's a good suggestion. I'm thinking of a couple things right now that might be movable and they.

[Dana K. White]

Would be more important because sometimes for me, I. I realized, oh, this, there might be something that I put on the wall. Maybe I got it at Kirkland's or I ordered it online or something. Like, I'm actually looking at a picture right now, and I really thought it was going to be great and I put it up. But when I look at it as this thing is important to me now, I'm like, oh, well, yes, that could go. Now that I stop and just take a moment to do that, it often reveals something.

[Karen]

I think I could spend a little bit more time maybe sitting in different places in the house that I usually do and kind of take a different vision and say, yeah, well, that's nice, but does it have the sentimentality that the other one does? You know, from a different site point of view, I could see taking some of these out.

[Dana K. White]

Well, and I think too, even beyond the analysis that you're starting to do, if, if you could either have that in front of you or your husband could take a picture of it for you. So you can be looking at it just so you'll be like, oh, yeah, that's the warm, glowy feeling that I get in my body when I, you know, look at this picture or these are the. Whatever. And look at it and just go, all of these things have sentimental meaning. So does this one. And then you look at them and you say, is there any of these that I'd rather have this than that. Which does not in any way negate the sentimentality of any of those items. It's just a matter of this is the space that I have. You're in a new house.

[Karen]

Yep. To you.

[Dana K. White]

And so there does have to be change. You don't have as much wall space. And so it's like, I love these things. Well, maybe, maybe I think I would rather have one of the Germany posters and this thing that I. I would prefer that over the two.

[Karen]

Well, you know, that's a good point, because those Germany posters are big. I could probably put two things up where the one Germany poster is.

[Dani K. White]

So.

[Karen]

So.

[Dana K. White]

But. But I'm not. I'm not prescribing that. I'm just saying. No, but I. Yeah, that's the way to look. That's the way to go about this, is to say all of these things are good because in re. Because it's possible that you had all the things, all the pictures are good. These are the ones that used to be in our home. And you started putting them up, and then this one wasn't put up yet, and now you don't know what to do with it. Is that at all what happened?

[Karen]

Yes.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah.

[Karen]

And I got some of those again when my mother moved to assisted living facility. And I didn't ever put them on my walls because I already had my walls full at my bigger house.

[Dani K. White]

Right.

[Karen]

So even though I've gotten rid of some things, there are still too many sentimental things. Yeah. But yes. Taking a picture of it, watching what.

[Dana K. White]

One in, one out is ultimately what you're doing. You said my walls are full. Okay, then either they're full and they're perfect enough that these things need to go, and I can go ahead and send it to my kids and say, either of you think you're going to want this? Because you know that's true.

[Karen]

The one. The one. My one daughter went to the same school I did. So. Which is the school my father taught at, which is where his father went to school. So we've had four generations go to that place.

[Dana K. White]

It's definitely worth asking. We're not going to place upon somebody that this is.

[Karen]

That's why I usually take a picture, then send it to them rather than having them talk to me face to face because I don't want them to feel guilty if my face looks like, oh, not gonna take it.

[Dana K. White]

But this, the first step is for you to say, is there anything I'm willing to. One in, one out instead of, oh, no, what am I gonna do? Just let the container decide? I think that will, that will be helpful. And you've. You've already thought of a couple things.

[Karen]

Yep.

[Dana K. White]

Even just in the space that you're looking at right now. And I think that's part of the key is the. You're actually looking at it with those thoughts and those eyes as opposed to.

[Karen]

I put it there two and a half years ago when we first got in the house. And now. I don't want to mess with anything. No.

[Dana K. White]

You're remembering inside your head what that picture looked like. You're remembering inside your head how you felt about that picture. But even just taking a moment to stop and look at the physical things in front of you has shifted that a little bit. So if you're looking at the picture and you're looking at the stuff, I think it's going to sort itself out more easily than you're imagining it will.

[Karen]

And then I will feel much better that it's not just gathering dust and. Or mold in the basement.

[Dana K. White]

Right, Right. Which is another. Yeah.

[Dani K. White]

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[Dana K. White]

Okay, so what's something else that you would like to talk about?

[Karen]

Well, I it was very interesting. I thought the last podcast that I heard you do was about you taking a weekend to not do anything and taking that Time after seven weekends of being busy, busy, busy, going, going, going. And I guess my question has always been, how do I get motivated? Five minutes matters. Yes, but sometimes just to get myself to do those five minutes. It's hard when you're tired and you're stressed out and, and that. Yeah, I, I, and again, it, a lot of it has to do with, I know it's down in the basement and I can get to the basement, it's not a problem. But carrying things up and down is a problem and it's too big of a project to think of.

[Dana K. White]

I think stopping thinking of it as a project is key. Okay, stop thinking about. You keep going back to the stuff that's in the basement that's hard for you to access physically, that it doesn't really have a spot up here and we've kind of got the house the way we want it and all that. So what I would say that the key when you are exhausted, when you are tired, is to not think about all the things that there are to do and instead say, okay, what can I do completely right now with the time that I have and with the energy that I have? Not predicting, just saying, okay, what can I do right in front of me? So what I would say is to start with the visibility rule and go to the most visible space and don't think about the basement yet. Think about there's stuff in the basement that's going to need a place to go. Okay, well, I'm going to, I'm just going to declutter using the normal five step, no mess process in this space. And it might not take you that long because you know, you've done a lot of work and you've gotten it to the way you want it. But go ahead and do that here and see is there any trash, are there any obvious donations? Are there some things that are just floating? And I can pick up and say, where would I look for this first? And take it there. Now do that in the no mess process way so that when you say I'm out, I'm done, this is, then you can stop. And I think that's the key. That's the most powerful thing I believe about the no mess process is I don't have to predict how much energy I'm going to have, which means I know for a fact the energy that I do expend is going to be worth it. And I know for a fact I'm not going to put myself in a situation where I have to push through because that's that's the fear, right? Is like, I'm so tired, I can't start anything. Well, I'm not really starting anything that I can't stop immediately because I'm doing it in the progress that only progress way. And so going with the visibility rule and say, I'm gonna do what I can do, because I think what's happening is you're focusing on the. The can't. Like, the. The can't see.

[Karen]

And I told you I was trying not to be negative. And.

[Dana K. White]

No, no, no, I'm not saying you're being negative. I'm saying this is normal. No, that's like, yeah, it's very normal to immediately. For your brain to immediately go to the problem, the challenge. And it's like, there are almost always things that I can do before I get to that.

[Karen]

Before you get to that. The first three steps, before you get to the parts where you have to make a decision. That really resonates with me too. I've had decision fatigue when I've had a whole afternoon to work on something. Yes, but you only have so much energy to actually physically or emotionally make those kinds of decisions about too many.

[Dana K. White]

So even if you just said, I'm going to. In this visible space, I'm just gonna do the first three steps. Now, if you get to the point where you've done those first three steps and you're like, okay, I'm doing better than I thought, well, then one item at a time. Where would I look for it first? And take it there now, and it will make that progress. And then those before pictures are so powerful, especially in these moments of exhaustion, because you get to see, oh, I barely did anything, or I only worked as long as I could, and then I quit, and it was worth it. And that is so powerful the next time.

[Karen]

That's true. I've seen. I've seen that with other people's comments on their Facebook page with the kindred spirits and. And that. And it is true. It is just amazing sometimes what you can get done in a. A smaller amount of time with less energy than what I'm imagining. I'm like kind of making a mountain out of a molehill. So let's start with just the. The first little hill that we come, the first little piece of the road, and do with that.

[Dana K. White]

Well, and the key is that, you know, a way to make progress for sure. I mean, like, I think that's. That's the problem is if in the past, if you have done the pull everything out method, and then Got exhausted and then shut down and then it wasn't worth it. Then it feels like decluttering may result in this space being worse.

[Karen]

It may make me more exhausted.

[Dana K. White]

It doesn't have to be that way anymore because, you know, the five step process.

[Karen]

This is wonderful. Yes. Because we first tried Marie Kondo's thing with the closet and we emptied out two closets onto two beds and those were the beds we slept in or were the second bed, you know, the guest room. Because our daughter was away at college, I don't think my son would have been happy if we, you know, got into his bed too. So I say, yeah, that was a, that was supposed to happen Labor Day weekend one year, and it was at least near the end of September before all the stuff that had been taken out was addressed was put it back in or not put back in, tried on, not tried on. And I think maybe that is one of the first reasons why, again, I resonated with what you said because I had experienced it the other way. Right. And I didn't like that.

[Dana K. White]

Which, which is a month of the mental load of, of it's up there that I've started. I started this big thing that I still have to finish. I still haven't finished it. And it's weighing on you and draining that emotional energy for, you know, for.

[Karen]

A moment, the period of time. Yeah, right.

[Dana K. White]

But it's that kind of like you're talking about for, like, I know the ticket there now I'm like, I, I agree it is hard to do. I don't love doing it, and yet it's always worth it. And every time I do, encourages me the next time to say, you know what, I don't like this, but I know for a fact it's going to be worth it. And so I do that and I.

[Karen]

Definitely resonate with you. Pick it up only once and you have to make a decision about it.

[Dana K. White]

And then I'm only making a decision once too, because if I set it aside and I come back, I have to go back through that process. I don't remember what I said I was going to do with it.

[Karen]

I've kind of gotten myself into a project, not a project, but I want to go through pictures and I've come across some that were from me when I was a kid and my sister and all that kind of thing. And somewhere along the way I started that, that project and it's now sitting there and I look at it going, oh, yeah, that looks kind of organized, kind of in time, you know, here's here were the 60s, here were the 70s, here were the 80s. And yet now I look at it go, well, so what do I do with this?

[Dana K. White]

And.

[Karen]

And I don't know what I was thinking I was going to do with it because it was so long ago before the no mess decline method came into life.

[Dana K. White]

You ask yourself, where would I look first for somewhat sort of organized pictures of my history? And you ask yourself what that place is where I would look for it first. You take it there now and you say, okay, well, this space is full of something else. Are these pictures important enough to me to get rid of the other stuff to put in the, you know, like that go through the same process with that thing that feels like, oh, it couldn't possibly apply to that.

[Karen]

Right? Yeah, exactly. There's just too many decisions to be made when you're talking about photos.

[Dana K. White]

Oh yeah. But the container, in the same way that the pick the wall is a container for your pictures and that naturally makes you go, oh, wait, yeah, I could get rid of this one. Having a set designated container space for the pictures will do the same thing. When you go, you're like, well, this is a limited space. Okay, then I can keep two of the pictures of us in those dresses. I don't have to have every single picture from that day. It just.

[Karen]

Right. Yeah, definitely. And I have been scrapbooking my kids stuff since 1996, so I have many albums and many feet of bookcases that are. Are full of those. So why do I even have loose pictures of anything after they were born if I've been doing this since they were born? And I can't answer that question, but I think maybe I'll take a picture of those and have that sitting in front of me going, okay, this is what you already have, Karen. How many more do you really need?

[Dana K. White]

Well, but we don't have to ask why and we don't have to ask that. We go, is the space full? If it's not full, then I can have another one. If it is full, then I go, okay, well what am I willing to get something out? Yeah, yeah. So let that space make the hard decisions for you so that you don't have to make those hard decisions.

[Karen]

You know, here I said I knew your process and you are having to tell me how to do it again.

[Dana K. White]

Well, but some of us take a.

[Karen]

Little longer to learn things.

[Dana K. White]

It's the applying of it to your own situation. So, like, it's not like, oh, I, I thought I'd do the process but that's what happens is you run across. You're like. But not my pictures, not my scrapbooks. That couldn't. Okay, well, let's talk through how it works with that. And then the goal, the hope is that there's freedom from that.

[Karen]

Yes, there. There definitely is room for improvement in how I've organized where the pictures are and how I organize the albums. And then there's the slides from my childhood. And I got rid of a giant box of those already. So sometimes it takes the second or third time going through them to say it does. It's not worth keeping.

[Dana K. White]

But also with that, we've talked about the highly sentimental painting in the. In the basement. We've talked about photos. Highly, highly sentimental. Yeah, don't start with those things. Go to your visible space. Do your craft room.

[Karen]

I've been working on my craft room. That is not sentimental.

[Dana K. White]

Okay, well, but go through. If you still have more to do on your craft room, keep working on that. The more you do that, the more those other things are going to sort themselves out. You'll be ready for them when you get to those sentimental things. But don't start with those hard, hard, hard things.

[Karen]

That's true.

[Dani K. White]

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[Dana K. White]

It all the time.

[Dani K. White]

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[Dana K. White]

So I was so excited to work.

[Dani K. White]

With Wayfair because I have had fantastic experience buying from them in the past. The white bookshelf that always gets compliments. You've probably seen it in my YouTube videos. I got it from Wayfair and the whole buying process and delivery process was seamless. Now I am excited to replace my TV stand for one that fits into.

[Dana K. White]

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[Dani K. White]

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[Karen]

With no fees or minimums on checking accounts. It's no Wonder. The Capital One bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One. If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums.

[Dana K. White]

He'd also talk about how most Capital.

[Karen]

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[Dana K. White]

A week to assist with your banking needs.

[Karen]

Yep. Even on weekends, it's pretty much all he talks about. In a good way.

[Dana K. White]

What's in your wallet?

[Karen]

Terms apply.

[Dana K. White]

See capitalone.com bank capital1NA member FDIC. Yeah. What's something else you want to talk about?

[Karen]

We kind of touched on this, and you said not to. To worry about it, but I'm thinking a lot of these sentimental things that I haven't addressed yet. I know that they mean something to me, but I know that the next generation doesn't have the same value of physical items that we did growing up. And I think they have no problems in telling us that, which I think is great, because I think the honesty and the relationship. It's not like you felt guilty if you didn't take Grandma's china when you got married, because it was, of course, Grandma's china and you would want it. There's a little side story that my mother thought she gave me my grandmother's china, and she never did, but I don't know where that ended up. But my husband and I bought china and we use it. So, yes, the kids will have a memory of it like you were talking about making a memory, and they can decide if it's worth keeping one plate or one dish. And they'll never use it the way we did because they don't like to wash dishes by hand or that'll be their problem.

[Dana K. White]

Well, so I think you have.

[Dani K. White]

You.

[Dana K. White]

You are in a good place because you do have the mindset and the acceptance that they may not want it. And it doesn't seem like you're angry with them for that. You understand that they don't want it and you're okay with them not wanting it. Your question is, so what do I do with it right now? Is that right?

[Karen]

Yes.

[Dani K. White]

Okay.

[Dana K. White]

So what I would say is knowing that, first of all, you've. You've done the good thing in that you've had these conversations with them so that you have an understanding. I think it's always good to ask. It's always good to, you know what you're doing of taking pictures and saying, just asking, does anybody want this? You're letting them know that every time you do that, it gives you a better, like, barometer on or. I don't know if Barometer is the.

[Karen]

Right word, but you know what they might be interested in or not interested in.

[Dana K. White]

But so knowing what you know, embrace the life that you are living in the house that you have and declutter for that. Because. Because decluttering down to what is important to you, it gets to be important to you. If it's important to you, great. Give it a real spot in your home, which may kick out something else that's less important. Even between two sentimental things, you're going to have to get rid of something else in order to make the space for the thing that is more important or more sentimental or more useful to you. And so embrace the reality of your current living situation and know that that will mean that there is less stuff for them to go through. But the things that they go through, they will have a frame of reference for it because it will be something that you have embraced.

[Karen]

They will know it's something that was important to me.

[Dana K. White]

Yes, exactly. And so. So they will then associate it with you because they may be at a different stage of their life and go, oh, well, I would like to have the dishes my parents used or whatever. But we're not going to hold it. I mean, you do whatever you want to do. Right, but holding it in a box in the garage. Yeah, because I don't want it. And what if they might want it? Yeah, right.

[Dani K. White]

But.

[Dana K. White]

But I'm just going to say I've asked as of right now, they said, no, I'm going to get rid of it.

[Dani K. White]

We.

[Dana K. White]

Maybe they'll regret it someday, but we've all survived stuff like that. I mean, that's. That's part of it. It's part of the. Oh, I wish I would have kept that. Oh, well, I've. I'm okay now. I've survived it. But use the things and have the. Give the things real homes as opposed to storage spaces. Give them real homes and real use in your house, and then they will have some sentimental attachment to them. And then you've already let them know if you don't keep it, that's fine. It's no big deal.

[Karen]

Yep. Yeah. My son's gonna put the. The dumpster in the driveway and he'll be ready to. To fill it up. That. That'll be his job. So.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah.

[Karen]

No problems.

[Dana K. White]

Well, because that's reality. That's just.

[Karen]

Well, and I figure my husband and I have one more, hopefully one, maybe one more time that we get to the point where a facility would be good for us, and that's not going to have as much space as we have here. I mean, we, we went into this house instead of a condo because he likes to garden and he wanted a yard. So someday we're not going to be wanting to take care of the yard. So I told him we're not buying another lawnmower. You're going to find somebody who will mow it for you if, you know, we get to that point or something like that. And I need to do the same with, with all these things that I've been collecting.

[Dana K. White]

Well, and I think that's that same mindset is what we're talking about is the, you got a house that has a yard. Because that is what he actually wants to do with his time and his energy. And so, so we have a situation where he can do that. And that's embracing your right now life, which is the goal is to embrace your right now life with the space that you have and the stuff that you have and making those two things go together and then not filling the.

[Karen]

Garage with so much stuff. You can't get a car in there.

[Dana K. White]

Oh, exactly. Because, because the car, the garage is a container for the car. And so when there's an empty space in there, well, that empty space is already being used because it is there to be available when the car drives.

[Karen]

Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm from Ohio, so we, you know, it is amazing to me that people leave their twenty, thirty thousand dollar cars sitting out on the road so that they can have stuff in their garage. And well, not everybody's met Dana K. White, so they.

[Dana K. White]

Well, and I think that's, I mean, I like that you said that. I don't know that I would say it like that because that it would sound weird for me to say it, but I'm glad you did. But, but I do think it's. We don't know what else to do and instead like it's freeing to go, oh, I don't know what to do with this stuff. But the fact that my car needs to go inside the garage in order to protect the investment of my car makes the decision for me. Yeah, like that I know I need.

[Karen]

To have enough room to get the car in.

[Dana K. White]

So and so I absolutely value these things. I love these things. I legitimately wonder if my family will want them someday and be sad that they're gone. And yet the fact is my car needs to be inside my garage for my own safety. Getting in and out of the car, I'm assuming, I don't know, have enough ice. We just stay home when there's Ice. But, but like, you know, I, I know these things and I go, man, I wish I could keep that stuff. And yet I can't because I don't have space because I have to have the car.

[Dani K. White]

A spot for the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Karen]

Very logical.

[Dana K. White]

You can keep anything, any. Like you can keep the Germany poster, you can keep the, the picture, you know, watercolor picture. And yet you can't keep everything. So when you look at it that way, you go, these are both great. Which one deserves space on my wall?

[Dani K. White]

Yeah.

[Karen]

Well, I think we've covered the things that I wanted to talk about. Great.

[Dana K. White]

So I've solved all your problems.

[Karen]

Absolutely.

[Dana K. White]

Oh, thank you.

[Karen]

Well, what am I having for dinner tonight, though?

[Dana K. White]

So do you have. I don't know.

[Karen]

I do have your meal planning program. Yes, I do. And we tried that. Yes, there you go.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah, I. For those who are wondering what you're talking about, it's a slobcamsclean.com makedinner happen. It's a, the, the most basic meal planning course you could ever possibly take. But did you get anything out of it? I mean, was it for you?

[Karen]

Yes, we did the, we, we did the chicken and we did the, the beef both times. And it was very nice to do that. We have had kind of a difficult time in following through with it with just two of us because there's not, there's not the benefit of making so much food. But yes. Oh, my goodness. The, the recipes were simple, which I like. Not a lot of ingredients. And you only really dirtied your house twice.

[Dani K. White]

Yeah.

[Karen]

In two weeks. Yeah. So I. You couldn't ask for anything more than that.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah, I love it.

[Karen]

But then that might be tonight or that might be another night, but that.

[Dana K. White]

Well, I will tell you that it is a pre made decision that I do not cook on Friday nights. And we're talking on Friday. So if you want to take that, then there you go.

[Karen]

What, what is it on Friday then? Pizza.

[Dana K. White]

It's whatever. I think we're gonna do Chili's tonight. But when we got married, my husband said, is it okay if we always eat out on Friday nights? And I was like, yes, because that's what. Oh, darn.

[Karen]

I'll struggle with. Through with that.

[Dana K. White]

I know. I'm like, I could do it. I could do it. Yes, I can handle that. So tell me what you love about being a kindred spirit.

[Karen]

I think I like the, the camaraderie of people who understand what you are going through and you can be there and help them. Maybe with Something that you've had to go through that they're going through at this time. I would say that I love those work along sessions. I was just doing one yesterday with Candace and there weren't very many people there. There might have been a little glitch with Google or Facebook or something, but just the fact that we were able to talk and got some stuff done, if I put it on my calendar, I will do it. So that has been the biggest benefit for me as far as, again, if I don't feel like I have the energy, at least I know if it's on the calendar for just an hour, I can do something and I come up with a, something that I, I, I need to, to work at. I'll stand in the kitchen. I can do that for an hour. Can't do it for all day, but I can do it for an hour. And I have found that, that the girls are very friendly and everybody's being open and talking about things or not talking about things. But I've sensed a real camaraderie there. And these last couple times have been people who've gone to your retreat and told us how wonderful it was. So I'm thinking, how do I figure out how to do that when you have another one of those.

[Dana K. White]

Yeah, it was, it was so fun. It was so fun.

[Dani K. White]

Yeah.

[Dana K. White]

Well, and it was funny because at the retreat there were about three people who do the work alongs all the time. And then everybody else was like, wait, what? And they. So I think more people have started doing the work alongs because they are very helpful. It's just a focus time to put on your schedule. It's not guided, it's not coached. It's just once a week, there's an hour at varying times to, you know, put it on your schedule to get done.

[Karen]

And if you have a conflict because something else is going on, I just look at that and say, well, darn, I missed that, but I'll make sure to do it the next time.

[Dani K. White]

Yeah.

[Karen]

Or something like that. Well, we very much appreciate you and all the, the effort that you put forth in, in making the, the group work.

[Dana K. White]

Well, thank you. I really appreciate your time. I appreciate you being willing to share and, and knowing that, that, that's so helpful for other people. Okay. That was so fun.

[Dani K. White]

That was.

[Dana K. White]

I, I just, I really like y'.

[Karen]

All.

[Dana K. White]

I mean, like, I've liked all the people that I've talked to who are.

[Dani K. White]

In Patreon and the rest of you listening. I just think we all like, we, we're kindred spirits. We all are. Anyway, if you want to know more.

[Dana K. White]

About being an official part of our.

[Dani K. White]

Kindred spirits group, the Patreon group, go to patreon.com aslobcomesclean that's P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com ASLAB comes clean. And don't forget, my children's book is coming out next week, so pre order.

[Dana K. White]

It now and you will have what I consider to be the cutest book.

[Dani K. White]

That has ever existed in the history.

[Dana K. White]

Of the world with adorable bright pictures.

[Dani K. White]

I just love it so much.

[Dana K. White]

Anyway, I you'll have that hopefully in.

[Dani K. White]

Your mailbox on Tuesday when it comes out on February 17th. So you can go to a slobcomesclean.com Winnie W I n N I E to find out more about that. Okay, I will talk to y' all next week. Bye.