← podcasts Archives - Dana K. White: A Slob Comes Clean
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Hi, y'. All. Did you know that my first children's book is coming out this month? I am so ridiculously excited to share Winnie's pile of pillows with you. So Winnie is a walrus who finds out she loves pillows and keeps getting more until her room is so full of pillows she can't do the things she wants to do because there are pillows everywhere. It's for ages 4 to 8 and it's full of bright and fun illustrations. It will bridge the communication gap between you and your kids about clutter. If you pre order, you can get fun printables at a slob comes clean.com/winnie. That's aslobcamsclean.com Winnie W I N N I E welcome to A Slob Comes Clean, the podcast. I am Danny K. White. I share my personal desalobification process as I figure out ways to keep my own home under control. I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people. People who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number 498. I'm not going to say. I keep wanting to say things as I get closer to 500, but I've already said them. So anyway, here we go. I am calling this one. I think I'm going to call it the Power of Negative Thinking. Okay, don't get confused and think, oh, she said that so nicely that maybe she means negative thinking is a good thing. I don't, I don't mean that negative thinking is a good thing. I just think it's kind of a funny play on, you know, the, the thing that you hear all the time, which is the power of positive thinking, which I have mixed feelings about. Like, I think just, you know, me. I've mentioned so many times, I am not. I don't love cheerleading. I mean, I loved doing, being a cheerleader when I was young and all that, but I don't love people rah rahing me on and thinking that that is going to be the thing that changes everything for me. That that's all you need. If you just think positively, you'll be able to do it. Well, I struggled in my home for my entire life and people saying, oh, Dana, you can do it didn't help because I didn't know what to do right. So I do have feelings about the whole power of positive thinking, but I kind of think looking at it from this reverse side of the power of negative thinking kind of gives me a little more like, yeah, you do have to kind of be positive. But also there are ways, like legitimate, actual ways to be more positive about your home, to feel that hope for your home. And it really is more about your attitude. Does affect your space. It affects whether or not you can do the thing. It really does have an impact. And I know this from seeing it. So, okay, so y' all know I have a book coming out or. No, it's already out. Oh my goodness. It came out on Tuesday. I'm recording this the Friday before the book is out. I hope that some of you have it in your homes. I hope you love it. If you love it, please go leave a review on Amazon to tell other people what you loved about it. Because, you know, it's. It's a short book. It's like 750 words or so. And so, you know, you can pretty much read it really quickly because it's a children's book for ages 4 to 8. It's called Winnie's Pile of Pillows. Winnie loves cool stuff. And she discovers that she loves pillows, like, loves pillows. And all of a sudden she has all these opportunities to collect more and more and more pillows. And she thinks this is amazing until all of a sudden she can't do the things that she wants to do in her room anymore. And she can't enjoy her room. She can't see the things she loves because she' many pillows. So anyway, I'm sure you can figure out that she figures out she has to get rid of some of the pillows. But anyway, did I just run the whole book? No, it is, it is. I'm very, very proud of this project. I had so much fun writing it. So much fun working with the illustrator. It's adorable. Anyway, but that book is out now. And so over the last couple weeks, you know, we've been. If you're on our newsletter, which if you're not, you should be, you know, we've been putting out, hey, I've got this book coming out. Dana has this book coming out. Make sure you've pre ordered if you have kids and you want to. And okay, I'm gonna tell you an immediate response that we got like an email back that we got like the minute we put out the first, hey, Winnie the Walrus. You know, Winnie's Pile of Pillows. This book, an immediate response. Like it was just like the email goes out and somebody responds this way. And I normally would not tell you what was said because I don't want to like embarrass the person or anything, but I am going to tell you because it's not. Not that big of a deal. It's not. I don't want you imagining some horrible thing that someone said because people do say horrible things on the Internet. So this is not my first go round of having negativity. Okay. But the reason I wanted to bring it up was that it just kind of. It. It just was a negative attitude. Like, that's all it was, was just negativity and freedom to express the negativity. And it just. Anyway, so here we go. So we sent out the email and then we get a response immediately that says, why a walrus not most kids favorite animal? It's fine, right? Like, it's fine. And if you're having a conversation. Okay. But it just was. It just made me think about all the people who I've talked to and who I've taught and who I have, you know, shared with. And, you know, I do these strategy sessions here on the podcast. I talk to people all the time, speaking of all kinds of things. I'm just in constant conversations about people's homes. And the difference often between the people who really make progress and the people who don't make progress is often a positive or negative attitude. And the positive attitude, the positivity, comes from realizing that there is a way. Like, oh, okay, so anyway, this whole thing is not about that one comment. It was just about the immediate negative response and how. So often what I see is the people who really struggle to get going tend to have immediate negative responses which then keep them from listening and hearing the hope. But it's. Once you decide I'm going to listen, I'm going to hear the hope. I'm going to try to understand that is the thing that, that often. Well, that. That I see makes people able to move forward. Okay, so let's talk about the whole. Like, how does it damage your ability to work in your home if you let your first response be negative? Now, sometimes you can't help it. I mean, I totally understand that. Like, sometimes you cannot help that you have a negative response. And honestly, if you are struggling in your home the way that I was, that is normal. It's like, I've tried. That's the way I felt. I'm like, I've tried all these things. Nobody understands, Nobody gets it. Nobody can help me because I've tried and I've never been able to do it. It's actually impossible. So that negative response does come from the reality of past experience. Okay, but the reason we're talking about this is My hope is that if you have that negative response, that'll never work. That won't work for me. Oh, I couldn't do that because of this, this, this, this and this. Like you can just rattle off a list of all the reasons why such and such thing is not going to work for me. The reason we're talking about it is that I want you to recognize that in yourself and then I'm going to give you some ways to, to combat that. Okay. And also we're going to talk about other people in your home and how negative responses to them can often be the thing that causes frustration, which then makes it harder to get people on board. We weren't talking about that. Decision fatigue is a real thing. I talk about it a lot with decluttering. 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Join Thrive Market with my link thrive market.com slob for 30% off your first order plus a free sample $60 gift. That's thrive market.com slob. You know, one of my main goals in what I do here, you know, it's, it's in my little bio that I share is like I share hope for the hopelessly messy. So I am coming at this understanding that my target audience is hopelessly messy, which means my target audience is often hopeless the way that I was. So my goal is to give hope. Well, how do you go from so hopeless that you just can't even listen to some kinds of hope? Well, you're listening right now. So here's the main thing I would say recognize that it's an automatic negative response and that having a negative attitude towards something is like decluttering or you know, getting your house under control. No, she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand what my kitchen looks like. She doesn't understand what my situation is. All of this, that negative response, recognizing that it's a negative response, recognizing that. And I'm not saying to replace it with false hope, because I don't find that to be helpful at all, but instead to say, I am never going to be able to make any progress if I only respond negatively. So since I recognize this automatic negative response, what can I do? Well, you have some tools to deal with it. The number one tool that I believe combats the negative hopeless response to if there's any way that anybody could ever help you get your house under control, or along with a lot of other things, is non committal experimentation. So I had a podcast where I talked about that a couple months ago probably, and I've gotten a lot of feedback from that episode of people saying, oh, this, this is the thing I needed. So if you haven't listened to that episode, I'll give you the short version here, but I encourage you to go back and find that one. We'll link to that in the show notes though, because I can't remember what episode it is, but we'll figure it out before this goes out to you. But non committal experimentation means I don't have to believe it, I don't have to say that's gonna work in order to give it a try. I am not committing to this solution. I am just trying to see if this is a solution that is the best way to combat the automatic negative response that causes you to not really listen to what could end up being helpful and hopeful for you, for your space. Okay, so if you experience that negative response, recognize it and say, okay, I'm just going to listen without formulating my response. This is actually something not to do with decluttering, but just in general over, I would say the last seven or eight years, something that, you know, I was listening, learning about some things that were different from, you know, my own corner of the world and things. And what I learned was how important it is to truly listen without formulating your response while you're listening. And how normal it is. Like how normal it is to if you're talking to somebody and they're saying something that you're like, oh, no, no, no, I don't agree with that. How normal it is to already be creating your argument in your head while they're still talking so that you're ready for, as soon as they stop talking, I'm going to give them my response. Well, that actually means that my response is not correct, because I haven't actually heard what they've said. So this idea of act, I don't know if they call it active listening or whatever, but it's basically this idea of listening without arguing with what I'm hearing in my head before they've stopped talking, listen to the whole thing, and I'm listening non committally. This is the same thing with the whole non committal experimentation. I'm not saying that I'm listening and agreeing to everything. Me listening to what is being said is not an agreement. But I will know so much better whether or not I agree, whether or not I'm willing to try this if I've actually listened. So it's that me, the thing that has changed for me in probably the last seven or eight years has been this very. Because it's hard. This very active practice of noticing inside my brain that, oh, I'm not listening, I'm forming my response, okay, I'm going to stop doing that and keep listening. And so many times we end up like, well, we always communicate better when we do that, right? But also we end up being much more on the same page. Like, the person who is telling me something does understand a whole lot more than I maybe would have given them credit for if I was not actually listening to them. And then if I actually listen to them, then they're more likely to listen to me. Like, it's just a good conversation practice, right? So the same thing with this, that is non committal experimentation. If you notice yourself shutting down, down or starting to argue in your brain, especially if you're listening to a podcast. And how many of y' all talk back on the podcast, which you're welcome to, right? Like, I'm not saying, like, talk back in the bad way, you know, when the kids are, you know, don't talk back or whatever. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, like, how many is y' all tell me all the time. You're like, we're in conversation when you're in a podcast. And that's, that's great. But like, if you notice yourself giving the speech in your head instead of listening because of a negative response, give a chance to actually listen and then form your response after you've heard the whole thing. You know, one of the things that I try to do, and I'm sure those of y' all who've been here since, what, how long has this podcast been going? Like 20, I mean, 2013 maybe. I don't know, some of Y' all have been here since the very beginning, and that always just tickles me. And I'm always amazed that you're still here. And I love it so much. And y' all are great, great. But you are great. I don't mean. There's no but to that. But I'm just saying, you've noticed that I refer regularly to the way my home used to be, to the way that I used to think, to the things that I used to struggle with so much that I felt complete despair, complete negative response to anything about that. I felt totally hopeless. And I talk about that a lot. Why? Because I don't. You may have listened for over 10 years, but someone else, this is their first time. And I know that that is the most transformational thing for so many people, is to feel understood. That's what I hear from so many people, that they feel understood. And because they feel understood, and they feel like being understood means, oh, I'm not broken. I'm not helpless. So then that is the thing that allows them to move forward and say, oh, now that I feel understood, I am willing to hear and maybe try the thing that you're saying here. So, okay, so the automatic response, recognize it and then listen and try things with this mindset of non committal experimentation to know that you are not trying the advice that you're hearing to give me the advice giver validation. That's not it. When you have a non committal experimentation mindset, you might be trying it just to prove I'm wrong. And that's perfectly fine, because you trying it even with the intention to prove it wrong, is you experiencing forward progress, experiencing movement in maybe an area where you used to feel completely stuck, but now you're. You're moving. And if you're moving, it's so much easier to keep moving and to end up making progress. So that's what I was telling, like, give it a try. Give, you know, doing the dishes every day a try. If you so many people are convinced that it could not possibly make the difference that I say it would make. Well, just having a. I bet you Dana's wrong. That's just negative thinking, right? Like, that's just a negative response. There's no way. But non committal experimentation lets you go, she's got to be wrong. But I'm gonna do this just to prove that she's wrong. And then that's when you find out I'm right. But even if you don't, you've still done some dishes and you're still better off, right? Like, even if I am wrong, which I'm not, but you know what I mean. It's such a relief when I find the perfect gift for those I love. A gift that won't become clutter. That's why I love giving Aura Frames. One of the best gifts I've ever given my parents is an Aura Frame. Now the whole family can send pics directly to their frame that just show up. All the grandkids can share photos and videos effortlessly to Grammy's digital frame straight from their own phones. All year long. 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The stitching, the fit, the fabrics. Every piece is thoughtfully designed to be your new wardrobe essential. I've gotten a lot of things from Quints over the years and honestly, every single thing I've ordered from Quint's has been fantastic quality. From the clothing to the housewares to the bedding to the wallet I found at Quint's that checked all the boxes for exactly what I was looking for in a wallet. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.comclean for free shipping on your order. 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.comclean to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.comclean there are some things I have to do every day to keep things running smoothly. These non negotiable tasks include do the dishes, five minute pickups. Another non negotiable is getting a good night's sleep when I'm well rested. Everything just feels better. My bowl and branch sheets legitimately improve my sleep because they are deliciously comfortable. My whole body relaxes when I get into bed, and I often say out loud, I love these sheets. It's my goal to replace all the sheets in our house with bowl and branch sheets so that my adult kids will experience the same thing when they come home. Don't compromise on your sleep. Bowl and branch sheets are breathable, incredibly soft, and they are designed to get better over time. They're just the thing when you turn in for the night, sleep sound with bowl and branch, get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at@bolandbranch.com slob with code slob. That's bolandbranch. B O L L A N D branch.com slob code slob to unlock 15% off exclusion supply so here's where we're going to talk about other people. Because this. The reason I think that this is a valid piece of this conversation that we need to be having when we talk about negativity is, is that every single time. And I. I mean, I want to say maybe there's may. I want to, you know, give the qualifier. Maybe there's been a time where somebody didn't ask about the other people in their house. I don't think there has. It is quite literally every single time, the subject of clutter, decluttering, keeping the house, doing the dishes, keeping things picked up, keeping laundry done. Every single time somebody's gonna ask, well, what about the other people? What shouldn't they be doing their part? How do I get them to be excited about decluttering? How do I get them to be on board? How do I get them to not argue with me? Well, you know, every relationship is different. So what do I always say? Those of y' all who've been here a long time, you know, I always say start with your own stuff first, because there's nothing to argue about on that one. I'm not saying that some people don't end up with arguments on that one. Okay, I'm not saying that. But start with your own stuff and neutral stuff first. Because if you don't, often what ends up happening is the other people dig their heels in. Their heels. Their heel. Other people dig their heels in even harder and resist your decluttering efforts even more. If they're like, I'm sorry, why are you focused on my things? When your own things are there and what's usually happening, the person is feeling criticized and they're feeling unjustly criticized because you've got your own mess that you are like, wow, what's the big deal about that? Let's focus, focus on your problem. You know, like this, this is negativity. And so it is a big part of the issue. So start with your own stuff first. Start with neutral stuff. I hear from so many people I know, the same thing happened to me as our house started to change. The people living in my house were like, I mean, they didn't say it out loud because they just didn't care as much as I cared. But they started to notice, oh, it's easier to live in a house with less stuff. And that started to change their perspective on stuff. And eventually they were much more on board with decluttering. I mean, it just changed things for me to do worry about my own stuff first. But also when I'm worrying about my own stuff first, there's no one for me to convince. There's no one for me to negotiate with. There's no one for me to say something and brace myself for negativity. I'm sometimes have to deal with my own negative self talk toward myself, but I get to just have that negotiation on my own, right? And I just get to move forward and make real progress. But when I try to get other people on board first, then that's where a lot of either, either there's the issue of your own stuff in front of you and they're like, why are you focused on mine when yours is there? Or there's just a lot of baggage. Because I firmly believe that one of the reasons that family members resist decluttering is they are associating decluttering with pulling everything out of a space, making a bunch of piles, and then it staying in total chaos way worse than it was before for a week or a month or months or longer. Because that's what my family thought decluttering meant. Before I figured out if I will just pull one item out at a time and make a final decision, act on that final decision, I will never end up with the bigger mess. The bigger, I'll skip the chaos step like that. Before, when I would say, okay, I'm going to declutter, it was me getting into a tizzy. It was me saying, I'm so sick of this, let's do this. So because of past experience, they resisted because of past arguments about their stuff. And this is one of the reasons why I'm always, you know, explaining that if you're helping someone going through those first Three steps are so incredibly powerful because they help to rebuild the trust from past times when you were decluttering and you didn't do it that way, and instead you picked up their very favorite teddy bear off the floor and said, why do you need this? You never play with it. Well, that's all very accusatory and negative, and it automatically makes people resist and push back, Right? But if you start by saying, hey, do you see any trash? And if they say, nope, and you say, all right, well, that is breaking what they assumed was going to happen. And it then is a. Allows you to keep on going, of course you're going to throw away the trash. As you get to that in the. Well, where would you look first for this whataburger french fry package that somehow is on the floor of your room? You know, where would you look first for that? And then they. Then it becomes obvious that it's trash. Or, you know, you can go through the process, you can work through anything with the decluttering questions, but that's the reason we start, is to rebuild that trust. Well, I think it's important to go, okay, if I personally am having a negative reaction to. That won't work. That won't work for yourself. Is it possible that your family might? And I'm not saying this is the case for everybody, like, I hope that everybody is doing everything great, but come on, I mean, like in families, you know, my mother in law used to say, and my husband and I joke about it now, and she passed away in 2019, I think, and we ended up being very, very close before she died. But there were some rough years there, you know, when we were first married and adjusting and all that. I have to tell y', all, my oldest, who's not dating anybody or anything, but he. We were talking and I said something, I said, I think I'm going to be a good mother in law. And he was like, oh, I think you're going to be a great mother in law. And I was like, oh my. Can you say that again while I'm recording it? Anyways, I'll just tell y' all and that way it's recorded. But you just have to trust that he really said it. He really did say that. Anyway, my mother in law would say things like, kind of awful things, right? Like just kind of like, oh my word, I can't believe she just said that to any of us, whatever. And her thing that she would always say, she's like, well, we're family. And so if we, if we are Ever, like joking around and sometimes not, you know, but we'll, like, we're gonna say something that sounds really weird. Well, you know, we're family. That's what we always say, like, we're family. Well, the truth is that it can still really hurt, you know, and it's not just an excuse to say whatever when just because we're family. Right? Like. Like, if I want to have a harmonious home, if I want to have a home where everybody feels loved and accepted, then there's certain things I need to not say. You know, my mother, you know, my parents are not perfect or anything, but one of the things that they're great. But one of the things that my mother. I don't remember her saying this to me until I was a teenager. She was explaining something, probably because I had said something that I shouldn't have said, but she said, you know, your dad and I have this rule between us that we don't, like, criticize or point out something negative unless there's something that can be done about it. Like, that is the defining factor. So her example, I think, was like, you know, if. If somebody is about to go on stage to give a speech, if they have a booger in their nose, then you tell them, hey, you got a booger in your nose? Because they can pick the booger and neatly put it into a Kleenex and throw it into the trash can and then sanitize their hands. But, you know, whatever. But they can pick the booger before they get on stage. But if they have a stain on their shirt and they're about to go on stage in 24 seconds, then there's no time to deal with the stain on the shirt. And so she's like, so we just don't say anything. Because the only thing it will do to say those words out loud is to make them feel insecure. And we all know that somebody can get up there and be confident and get their point across, and it's a good experience. Even though they had a stain on their shirt, right? Like, it's possible. But if we tell them they have a stain on their shirt and all of a sudden they feel insecure, it is going to mean that they can't do the thing as well that they want to do. Okay? So that, I believe, is really good advice that I try, and it's hard. Oh, my goodness. So many times my prayer is, God, please shut my mouth when it needs to be shut. Because, oh, my goodness, I talk too much. But that's how I can have A podcast, anyway. But that. That right there, it's like, is this helpful? I am, you know, I'm free to say whatever I want to say, but there's consequences. And so many times when we're dealing with the people who live in our house because we're family, you know, we just say whatever. But it can really be hurtful and can cause things to be more difficult. You know, I ask, get, you know, questions all the time, like I said about how do I get my family on board? One of the things is when your family makes progress, when they do something, is your first reaction positive or negative? Now, here's the example I'm going to give you. It is very normal as a parent in a situation or even as the person who. It's kind of your realm. Like, maybe the fact that you're listening to this podcast means that in your home, it's kind of the. The home and home maintenance is like your realm, right? Like, it's the thing that it doesn't all fall on you, but it's kind of your. Your thing. And maybe that's just because you care more and therefore you're listening and you're thinking about it more. But the question is, you know, when you. When someone does something, it is normal. If you are in a position of either authority or just, you know, kind of, this is my realm. It's very normal to see all that's left to be done. All the things like, that's great that you washed that dish, but did you see. Or that you washed all those dishes in the sink, but did you see all these ones on the counter? Did you notice the ones that were still on the table in the dining room table? Did you go through all the rooms and get all those dishes? I'm not saying that those aren't things that need to be, you know, discussed and pointed out and helpful, but what's that first reaction? Because the first reaction, especially if somebody is trying to be helpful, trying to do the right thing, trying to please you or contribute or whatever, watching that first reaction, like, the immediate reaction, is it positive or is it negative? Is it, thank you, I appreciate that so much. And then let's look for opportunities maybe to say, hey, I'm going to bring some more things in here, because there's actually a few more things in there. Do you mind watching those, too? Or whatever. But that initial response is so powerful, because if the immediate response to I did the dishes, did you see these? Did you see these? It's a negative response to something that they Were trying to do well. And here's the reason I'm bringing this up. I hear from y' all all the time. My accent is getting really thick right now. I hear from y' all all the time how powerful it is to change your goal from done to better. One of the first videos I did, when I first started getting back to doing videos, like in 2021, what? Or 2022, maybe. I don't know. Whenever it was. One of the first videos I did was just this mindset, and I talked about it so many times, and I, you know, shared it before in other ways, but it was one of those videos where I talked about, you know, what? Better is good. And if I make my goal to make this space better than anything I do, I've achieved that goal. If I move one piece of trash into the trash can, I have made this space better. And that mindset shift changed my home. All the times where I had this huge, long goal and all these things to do, I could never get started because the goal itself was so overwhelming. When I made the goal, this teeny, tiny thing of I'm just going to make this space better, then I was able to start immediately, and I made it a little bit better and a little bit better, and it ended up getting to where I'd always wanted my house to be, just by my goal being better and celebrating better all along the way, as opposed to not celebrating anything until it was real, real good. Well, it never got real, real good as long as that was how I was looking at it. But when I looked at it as, you know what? Better is good, and I'm gonna celebrate that, then that got me to real, real good where I'd always wanted to be. Real, real good is not proper grammar. Okay, kids. Anyway, that is something I. Because I see how powerful that is for me. And I know, I've heard from so many of you how powerful that is for you to take that and say, I need to use that same mentality on how I treat the other people in my home because they haven't listened to the podcast, they haven't analyzed, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff about their house. But if they do the dishes that are in the sink, that's better. Celebrate better because that's how to give the positive response, even when there's more to be done, is to celebrate better and then keep going from there. My two dogs bring so much joy, laughter, and companionship to my days. They're actually snoring right next to me as I record this ad. I cannot imagine my life without them. It's always my goal to give them lots of love and the best dog food options I can find. That's why I was really glad to give the Pets Table a try. The Pet's Table offers a personalized dog food with human grade fresh and gently air dried options or mix both so you can and see what your pet prefers. They have nine different recipes all formulated with a board certified vet nutritionist. The Pets Table is minimally processed to preserve actual nutrients to support gut and immune health, a healthy coat and an active lifestyle. When I signed up I answered a few questions and they gave me a customized plan based on my dog's ages, weight, activity levels and more to keep them lean and healthy. And I love that they back it with a 100% money back guarantee on your two week trial so there's zero risk. They even ask questions about my routine so they could recommend food based on both my dog's unique needs and our family's routines for feeding the dogs. With my first shipment of food they shared ways to transition slowly to get your dogs used to the new food, but Cinder let me know immediately that she was just fine by gobbling it up immediately. She loves the chicken and sweet potato food from the Pet's Table. Help your dog live their best life with high quality food from the Pet's Table. Take advantage of this limited time offer. Get 55% off your first box box plus 10 off your next two at ThePetStable.com and use code CLEAN55. That's ThePetStable.com code CLEAN55. The new year is prime time for refreshing our spaces and decluttering our stuff. Y' all know that we talk about it all the time around here At Wayfair you'll find stylish, affordable options for storage and organizing and furnishing your spaces after you've decluttered. They have a huge selection of home decor items so it's easy to find and exactly what's right for you. Wayfair can help you get your home ready for the next season whether you need shelving, need to replace linens or you need a new furniture piece. So I was so excited to work with Wayfair because I have had fantastic experience buying from them in the past. The white bookshelf that always gets compliments. You've probably seen it in my YouTube videos. I got it from Wayfair and the whole buying process and delivery process was seamless. Now I am excited to replace my TV stand for one that fits into our space better and has the storage that we need to keep our living room under control. Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. Always remember that if you can't be pleased, people stop trying. And I think it's always important to think about it from your own perspective first and then apply it to the people in your house. Okay, this is what happens with me when I get to a point where I realized, oh, this person cannot be pleased. No matter what I do, this person's not going to be happy. Guess what? I stopped doing caring whatsoever about that person being happy. Because I could work really, really hard and try to do everything they want, and they're still not going to be happy. So why would I work really, really hard and try to do everything that they want? Like, it doesn't matter. So I'm not going to do that. I think a lot of y' all listening here understand that from your own perspective, right? Like, if somebody proves they can't be pleased, I am going to stop trying. Well, that can also happen with other people toward you. If you can't be pleased, then they may stop trying. And sometimes, you know, we have to realize that, oh, this is the vibe I've been getting off. Just like the person who said the thing about, you know, why a walrus or whatever, I'm like, I don't think that they meant to be like, I am gonna get Dana. I'm just telling y', all, like, it's not that big of a deal. I could list off some really big deal things that people have said to me, but, like, it. It's not. I don't think there was an intention of that, but it hurt my feelings. Why? Because this is my book that I love. This is a book that at this point has already been printed and cannot be changed. And also, I'm not going to change it because I love that it's a walrus. Like, who cares, right? But that. That doesn't bring good feelings in me toward the person saying that. And so we have to be aware. Okay, when am I saying something that automatically causes the person who's hearing it to be like, well, I don't care what she thinks. Right? So all of that. I also want to end on saying, I know that some of you are listening to this and saying, and truly are like, I have been positive it's the other person in my family who I wish would hear this and take this in. It's their reaction to me. And I totally get that. And I'm sorry that that's your situation. My hope is that you can gain realistic positivity from this podcast. That you can feel understood and know that there are people out there who understand. I understand. You know, I. My Patreon community is a private community where people encourage each other because we're like most people don't understand what a big deal it was to do the dishes. We get it. We will celebrate with you to do that. So, but, but here on the podcast we talk about that stuff and you, you can get that from listening to the podcast. Oh, this is somebody who understands. I am not broken. There is nothing wrong with me. I just have to figure out what does work for me. And I call that realistic positivity. Realistic positivity is based on feeling understood and knowing that because I'm understood, the person who understands me can give me real actual help. I know what to do. I feel capable because I non committally experimented and started with the trash. And by doing that, I saw the huge impact that I could make just throwing away trash. And by seeing the huge impact that I could make just throwing away trash, now I don't feel hopeless about decluttering anymore. I feel like, oh, I know what makes a difference, starting with trash. All right? That means I now know how to start any and all decluttering projects. That right there is realistic positivity. So you can, from this podcast and from the work that you do in your own home and from the impact that you see happen in your own home, you can experience realistic positivity. But I do urge you to pay attention to immediate negative responses. Pay attention to immediate despair and say, oh, let me catch that and not be negative. I want to listen all the way through. And then I'm going to non committally experiment. And through that experimentation, I will be able to be realistically positive. Okay, I hope that was helpful at all. Minnie is Minnie. No, not Minnie. Winnie the Walrus. Winnie's pile of pillows. My first children's book is out in the world. So you know what, if you, you can still get the kids version of my five step no mess decluttering process. It's adorable at it's printable. You can still get that@aslobcumpsclean.com Winnie just enter your order information there. Also, you know, if you just wanted to read it for yourself and then just for the fun of it and then go give it to your local library or put it in a little free library, those things, you know. Or give it to your neighbor kid or whatever. Just keep it in your home library for if you have kids come over. That would be great. Okay, I will talk to y' all later. Bye.