283: Relationship Red Flags ft. LADYGANG

Summary

Pop Apologists - Episode 283: Relationship Red Flags ft. LADYGANG

Release Date: July 9, 2025

In this engaging episode of Pop Apologists, hosts Becca Tobin and Keltie Knight invite special guests from LADYGANG, Kelty Knight and Jack Vanek, to delve into the crucial topic of relationship red flags. Drawing from their personal experiences and insights, the conversation offers listeners a comprehensive guide to identifying and navigating potential pitfalls in romantic relationships.

---

1. Introduction to Relationship Red Flags (00:04 - 02:00)

Becca opens the discussion by expressing the importance of recognizing red flags in relationships, particularly those involving men. She emphasizes their collective experience as married women who have navigated the complexities of romantic entanglements.

Becca Tobin (00:18):
"We are all married women. So we've been down this road which is filled with trials and tribulations and red flags a wise woman should be looking out for on her path."

Kelty adds a humorous touch by sharing her past experiences with unsuitable partners, setting the stage for an honest and relatable conversation.

---

2. Personal Experiences with Past Relationships (02:15 - 06:00)

The guests recount their histories with ex-boyfriends, highlighting behaviors that served as early warning signs of incompatibility or deceit.

Kelty Knight (00:52):
"I've dated some real losers."

Jack elaborates on his brief relationship with Ryan Ross, a mutual ex-boyfriend, detailing how his over-the-top online presence became a red flag.

Jack Vanek (03:10):
"Ryan Ross was obsessed with both of us. He was in a band, and the fandom was obsessed with him too."

Kelty and Jack discuss the complications of dating someone with a strong online persona, leading to jealousy and misunderstandings.

---

3. Social Media as a Red Flag (08:10 - 12:00)

The conversation shifts to the role of social media in relationships, particularly how excessive or inappropriate usage can signal underlying issues.

Keltie Knight (10:42):
"It's a red flag if your man or if a guy you're interested in is way too active on social media. Disgusting."

Becca and Kelty debate the appropriateness of certain social media behaviors, such as posting too many selfies or overly curated content, framing them as indicators of deeper relationship dynamics.

Becca Tobin (11:00):
"He sells a course online. Why else would you be talking to the camera?"

They also touch upon the impact of following exes or engaging with potentially inappropriate content, advising listeners to monitor these digital interactions closely.

---

4. Apartment Decor and Lifestyle Indicators (17:09 - 22:45)

The hosts and guests discuss how a prospective partner’s living space and lifestyle choices can reveal significant information about their personality and compatibility.

Keltie Knight (17:25):
"There needs to be a bed frame, a nightstand, and a dresser. No furniture can be inflatable."

They highlight the importance of having functional and well-maintained household items as a sign of maturity and responsibility. The presence of gaming chairs without proper dining setups or excessive use of trendy decor items like cargo shorts can serve as warning signs.

Becca Tobin (21:50):
"A gaming chair, but no dining chairs. That's a huge red flag."

Kelty emphasizes that while certain hobbies or interests are acceptable, they should not overshadow other essential aspects of a partner's life.

---

5. Financial Responsibility and Red Flags (25:02 - 30:00)

A significant portion of the discussion focuses on financial red flags, such as partners who are overly frugal, vague about their financial status, or label themselves as "entrepreneurs" without substantial proof.

Becca Tobin (25:52):
"Gotta see the proof in the pudding. Before we title ourselves entrepreneur, we are watching Shark Tank."

Jack and Kelty stress the importance of transparency in financial matters, advising listeners to inquire about their partner’s financial health early in the relationship.

Keltie Knight (28:37):
"If you are leasing a nice BMW but don't live in a place that makes sense with that, it’s a red flag."

They also touch on the pitfalls of following financial trends like leasing expensive cars without solid financial backing, suggesting that such behaviors may indicate deeper financial instability.

---

6. Communication and Texting Behavior (37:04 - 43:36)

The hosts explore how texting habits can reflect a partner’s level of commitment and trustworthiness. Poor communication patterns, such as excessive texting without meaningful interaction, can indicate disinterest or potential infidelity.

Becca Tobin (40:33):
"I think it's a good sign when a guy is just not a pro at texting. It shows they're less likely to slide into someone's DM."

They discuss the balance between being communicative and not being overly dependent on digital communication, advocating for quality over quantity in messages.

Keltie Knight (37:13):
"What are we gleaning from the way that they text?"

Kelty and Jack share anecdotes about past relationships where communication styles either kept the relationship strong or served as a precursor to its downfall.

---

7. Cheating and Ex-Friendships (44:00 - 49:00)

Addressing more serious red flags, the discussion covers the implications of cheating and maintaining friendships with ex-partners.

Jack Vanek (44:49):
"They should not be friends with an ex. It should just be a respectful parting of ways."

Becca and Kelty emphasize that ongoing relationships with exes, especially with romantic undertones, can jeopardize the current relationship and signal unresolved issues.

Keltie Knight (46:19):
"If someone is too good of friends with all their exes, it's a red flag."

They advise setting clear boundaries and maintaining transparency to prevent misunderstandings and maintain trust.

---

8. Final Thoughts and Wise Words for Women (49:00 - 50:00)

As the episode wraps up, the panel shares final advice, reiterating the importance of self-awareness and vigilance in recognizing red flags.

Becca Tobin (50:00):
"They should have a healthy appreciation for clitoris and the vagina."

The hosts encourage women to prioritize their own needs and to seek partners who respect and understand them, fostering relationships built on mutual respect and genuine connection.

Keltie Knight (49:19):
"They won't be playing games if they're not experts at texting."

---

9. Event Promotion: Lady World Festival (50:19 - 53:13)

Concluding the episode, Keltie, Becca, and Jack promote the upcoming Lady World Festival in Destin, Florida, highlighting various activities, performances, and special guest appearances.

Unknown Guest (50:19):
"Lady World festival is happening in Destin, Florida, September 26th to 28th. It is three days and three nights of millennial summer camp of your dreams."

They detail the festival’s offerings, including musical performances, fitness classes, and interactive sessions, inviting listeners to join the vibrant community event.

---

Key Takeaways

• Identify Early Warning Signs: Recognize behaviors and traits in potential partners that indicate incompatibility or possible deceit.

• Monitor Social Media Usage: Excessive or inappropriate use of social platforms can serve as a red flag for deeper relationship issues.

• Assess Lifestyle and Financial Responsibility: A partner’s living space and financial habits provide significant insights into their maturity and reliability.

• Prioritize Effective Communication: Healthy communication patterns are crucial for maintaining trust and preventing misunderstandings in relationships.

• Set Clear Boundaries with Exes: Maintaining friendships with ex-partners, especially romantic ones, can jeopardize current relationships and signal unresolved issues.

• Trust Your Instincts: Listening to your intuition and being vigilant about red flags can help in fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

This episode of Pop Apologists offers a candid and insightful exploration of the red flags that women should watch out for in their relationships. Through personal anecdotes and expert advice, Becca, Keltie, and their guests provide valuable guidance for navigating the often complex landscape of modern romance.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Becca Tobin (00:18):
  "We are all married women. So we've been down this road which is filled with trials and tribulations and red flags a wise woman should be looking out for on her path."

• Keltie Knight (17:25):
  "There needs to be a bed frame, a nightstand, and a dresser. No furniture can be inflatable."

• Jack Vanek (25:52):
  "Gotta see the proof in the pudding. Before we title ourselves entrepreneur, we are watching Shark Tank."

• Becca Tobin (40:33):
  "I think it's a good sign when a guy is just not a pro at texting. It shows they're less likely to slide into someone's DM."

• Keltie Knight (46:19):
  "If someone is too good of friends with all their exes, it's a red flag."

---

This comprehensive summary captures the essence of Pop Apologists Episode 283, providing listeners with valuable insights into recognizing and addressing relationship red flags. Whether you're navigating the dating scene or looking to strengthen your current relationship, the advice shared in this episode serves as a practical guide to fostering healthier and more trusting partnerships.

Transcript

[Becca Tobin]

Well, well, well. We are so excited because today we have a long awaited swap. We are joined by lady gang Kelty, Jack and Becca. You guys, thank you so much for joining Pop Apologists.

[Keltie Knight]

Thanks for having us.

[Jack Vanek]

We're so stoked.

[Keltie Knight]

Oh, big fans.

[Becca Tobin]

Oh, thank you so much. Well, we are huge fans and we are here today doing a public service because we have a lot of listeners who are seeing relationships, unfortunately, a lot of them with men.

[Keltie Knight]

Don't wish. Don't. Do not. You know, I don't recommend.

[Jack Vanek]

No.

[Becca Tobin]

And we are all married women. So we've been down this road which is filled with trials and tribulations and red flags a wise woman should be looking out for on her path.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Becca Tobin]

So today we are going to be reviewing these red flags and discussing them. Opining.

[Unknown]

Great. I cannot wait there.

[Jack Vanek]

Endless.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah, I can only speak for myself, but I have. You know, I'm gonna go on the go on the record, go on the air. I've dated some real losers.

[Becca Tobin]

Oh, please.

[Jack Vanek]

Millions.

[Unknown]

I could really name my roster and you would gasp all losers.

[Keltie Knight]

Basically, I tell you about my husband and so, you know, if my broken road can, you know, lead to some advice. Great.

[Jack Vanek]

You know, before we start, did either of you have to use the apps or have you been married or dating for a long time?

[Becca Tobin]

I met my husband on the apps. I did.

[Jack Vanek]

Which one?

[Keltie Knight]

My.

[Becca Tobin]

My only husband.

[Keltie Knight]

My first.

[Becca Tobin]

Oh, Bumble. Which one? The esteemed Bumble. Thank you, Whitney.

[Keltie Knight]

It's a cute thing though because you guys went to high school together. Oh, yes.

[Becca Tobin]

We graduated in the same high school class. But we did not know each other in high school because it's like a big public school, A thousand kids a class. So Lauren would wear high heels and.

[Keltie Knight]

Long strand pearls to high school.

[Jack Vanek]

I believe that makes sense.

[Becca Tobin]

Thank you, Chandler. I'm so happy you're going here today.

[Keltie Knight]

But anyway, and I feel like Kagan was just more of like a circle surfer sporty guy.

[Becca Tobin]

I had platinum hair. It was really hard to miss me. So he knew who that freak show was.

[Unknown]

That's so cute.

[Becca Tobin]

Oh, you know, it's the Gossip Girl era, so I wasn't exactly doing anything creative or original, but thank you. Oh my God.

[Unknown]

Well, the whole reason Lady Gang exists is because Jack and I, or partly Jack and I have a mutual ex boyfriend star. So we're actually the perfect people to have on for this. Yeah, that's how we know each other. That's how we know each other is we both dated the same guy.

And you should have known, both of you when he was wearing guy liner.

[Jack Vanek]

And they're a vest made of gray lines.

[Keltie Knight]

We have a long list here. Eyeliner is not on the list.

[Unknown]

Add it.

[Becca Tobin]

Literally.

[Keltie Knight]

Number 65 is eyeliner.

[Becca Tobin]

Not a red flag for Jack.

[Jack Vanek]

I'm emo. I'm an emo kid.

[Unknown]

Okay. Yeah.

[Jack Vanek]

I mean, I wouldn't date a guy that had current. Well, it depends on like what their vibe is. Are they a lead singer of a band then? Maybe.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

Did you guys meet on a Facebook group that's like, did you date this person?

[Keltie Knight]

No.

[Unknown]

I mean, it would be a big group if it was.

[Becca Tobin]

Did you sleep?

[Keltie Knight]

Like.

[Unknown]

Oh, you wouldn't have been in that one.

[Jack Vanek]

No, I wouldn't. I mean, the short. The short story is he. He was in a band. Okay.

[Unknown]

I dated him and I got the disco.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Okay, so he was like famous.

[Jack Vanek]

I mean. Yeah, depending on.

[Keltie Knight]

Can we say. I mean, he was famous.

[Unknown]

Like he's famous. Like the way the guitar player is famous. Like you're not the front man.

[Keltie Knight]

Got it. No, but they're not the lead singer of Panic.

[Becca Tobin]

The.

[Jack Vanek]

Not the lead singer, but like the.

[Unknown]

The fandom was obsessed with.

[Jack Vanek]

Obsessed with both of them. Like they were kind of like both lead singers. His name was Ryan Ross. I dated him when I was like 18 for three months.

[Becca Tobin]

Okay.

[Jack Vanek]

But like it became the biggest thing on the Internet. Like that's how I got my like, start on the Internet.

[Becca Tobin]

Stop.

[Jack Vanek]

Cuz I was like blogging about like him breaking my heart and then slept.

[Unknown]

Her way to the top. Or you got finger.

I bang to the top.

[Jack Vanek]

I got finger bang to the top. And then Kelty dated him a couple years after me, but she was stalking me because she was like obsessed with him. So like.

[Becca Tobin]

Yes, you're the ex living rent.

[Keltie Knight]

God.

[Unknown]

Remember getting so obsessed with the girls that your boyfriend used to date.

[Keltie Knight]

Literally obsessed. I probably remembered their names better than my own ex boyfriend.

[Unknown]

Same.

[Keltie Knight]

You know, and then you end up.

[Jack Vanek]

Like accidentally liking a photo from five years ago when they're in Barcelona.

[Unknown]

Well then you end up accidentally liking them as a person. And you're like, wait, it was him. We're great.

Yeah.

So thoughtful, so lovely, so pretty.

[Jack Vanek]

Oh, thank you.

[Unknown]

Hard working both of us, I'm saying.

[Becca Tobin]

Both of us comparing notes on the finger banging, you know?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah. So that's. Anyway, no, I have today truly perfect people. Any red flags you want to talk about? You know, when it comes to rr, the cheating, probably.

[Unknown]

Probably like this straight up, I think, like the calling me to like say goodnight when we're different Cities. But, like, you were in a closet in a club. And then, like, someone was like, dude, you can't be in here. And I'm like, I thought you were home, but, like, you were actually out with someone else. Like, that is, you know, when you walked. I don't know if this ever happened to you guys, but, like, I have this one memory of walking in. We lived in different cities. I was in New York at the time, and he was all over the place. And I walked into, like, a store, music studio or something, and it was like, all the band and all their friends and all the girlfriends. And, like, when I arrived from, like, the plane I traveled in, like, everyone was just. Like, the awkwardness was there. And I was like, I'm. Now I'm like, oh. Everyone was really tired. And then now I'm like, oh, his other girlfriend must have just left. And, like, no one can look me in the eye.

[Keltie Knight]

Everybody knew.

[Unknown]

Everyone knew but me. God, I'm so dumb.

Girls in their 20s, we're dumb.

[Keltie Knight]

But also, it's like, I don't know if he's in a band. You'll kind of do anything. I don't know. Yeah, I would love to have someone, you know from a band. I mean, I'm married to one and literally. Yeah, it worked out.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah, I wouldn't do anything.

[Becca Tobin]

What do you mean?

[Jack Vanek]

I mean, I guess I did. It's hard. Musicians are hot.

[Keltie Knight]

They are.

[Unknown]

Where is he now?

[Becca Tobin]

Like, I'm curious. What happens to these guys who we would just be obsessed with when we're 18? Especially, like, I dated a guy who was in a band, but it played at the local honky tonk.

[Unknown]

It wasn't like, doesn't matter. It's the same rizz.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah, it is.

[Keltie Knight]

The rizz is universal.

[Becca Tobin]

I would agree it's an electrifying rizz when you're 18. But I'm imagining that as the years pass on, even for someone maybe who's in panic at the disco, the lights fade a little bit.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah, well, yeah, he's not in the band anymore. They're still playing shows, like, massive shows.

[Unknown]

But the lights don't always fade. Cause I'll tell you this. We had just recently had Mark McGrath on the Lady Gang podcast, and he's playing Our Lady World Festival.

And I don't like that you're comparing our beloved Mark McGrath to Ryan Ross. Okay? Mark McGrath was a household name. Is a household name, and is an icon. An icon.

[Becca Tobin]

Okay?

[Unknown]

So how dare you. But, like, Mark McGrath, I still was like, are you, like, you have the Riz.

[Keltie Knight]

Like, no one, really. This is Sugar Ray, right?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Yes.

[Keltie Knight]

I mean, I have a big heart on for Sugar Ray.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Keltie Knight]

He's like 62. I think he's like 52.

[Jack Vanek]

I think I just made up.

[Unknown]

You made this up?

[Jack Vanek]

No, I'm going to look.

[Keltie Knight]

I'm going to look it up.

[Unknown]

But he is hot and has the Riz. So, like, I think it goes one or two ways. Like, I think that they either have the Riz forever, but like, in the case of our mutual ex boyfriend, he's 57.

[Keltie Knight]

Okay, 62.

[Unknown]

He's 89.

I was like, exactly. That was a real, real culty move.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like making up a fact and like, a fact.

[Jack Vanek]

Why would I know that?

[Unknown]

I think sometimes, like, I love to check up in an ex boyfriend because as the years pass, I'm only starting to crack and fail now. But, like, I really stayed hot for like 20 years after this breakup. You know what I mean? Like, I stayed winning.

[Becca Tobin]

Absolutely.

[Unknown]

So it's like, you know, I like to check up on them to be like, what are you doing now? Like, one of my ex boyfriends that I really loved is like a pickleball teacher and lives in a van in Mexico. And I'm like, you're still super hot.

[Jack Vanek]

But like, that sounds so nice.

[Unknown]

It sounds really.

Honestly, I'm like, wait, was he right all along?

[Jack Vanek]

He's literally free.

[Keltie Knight]

You know, honestly, he probably has, like, way less mental illness than like, all of us.

[Becca Tobin]

Seriously, I'm actually gonna go out on a limb and say someone who lives in a van, that's a red flag. And you might be mentally free, but not in a way you would enjoy on a daily basis.

[Unknown]

Listen, like, I want the van to be like, something we park in our multi million dollar house driveway and we use on the weekends to like, get good with the earth.

[Jack Vanek]

You want like an adventure van, like.

[Becca Tobin]

A luxury Airstream for the wig to get to the. The lodge at Big sur for like.

[Keltie Knight]

24 hour stints at most. Agreed.

[Unknown]

Like in between bowel movements.

[Becca Tobin]

Precisely. Okay, we have some. We have some listener red flags we should run through the first. I'm curious if you guys agree. I'm gonna say staunch red flag, cargo shorts, no pockets. You know, from, from the waist down. We want no pockets.

[Unknown]

I would have to agree. Although. Although.

[Keltie Knight]

Although.

[Unknown]

Cargo pant and short. Do you think it's the same?

[Becca Tobin]

A cargo pant, to use Chandler's phrase, gives me a hard on.

[Keltie Knight]

Right.

[Becca Tobin]

Thank you.

[Jack Vanek]

I was gonna say a cargo pant is hot.

[Unknown]

You know, so hot. So Gwyneth Paltrow's husband, Brad Felchuck, our Roman Empire. So he was the creator of Glee, one of the creators of Glee. So I got to look at that hot man every day. The man always wore a cargo pant.

[Keltie Knight]

Can you say more about him?

[Becca Tobin]

Oh, my God.

[Keltie Knight]

Because we've never had a Brad Falchuk, you know, one degree of separate, like, so. Please. We actually like his Instagram. Captions for Gwyneth Paltrow are like our holy word, like our Bible.

[Unknown]

They are so goals and so genuine. He's such a nice guy. Like, such a nice guy. I never saw him be an asshole once. And hot.

[Becca Tobin]

Do you think her going on Glee sparked what happened? What. What is occurring now and potentially began pre the divorce with Karis?

[Unknown]

No, I think it was a genuine friendship.

[Keltie Knight]

Okay.

[Unknown]

And I think that, like, you know, he. Well, it definitely sparked an interest for her because he's, like, the creator of this massive show, whereas before. And the hair is great, and my.

[Keltie Knight]

Eyes are starting to glaze up, like. Yeah.

[Jack Vanek]

Anyway, yeah.

[Unknown]

He'S like, a very, like, New England hot vibe, but, like, you know, he was, like, in this era and still is, obviously, but, like, he was on top of the mountain. He created this, like, massive show. She was coming in as an actress on the show, so there's like, that power dynamic. Like, she could only have been ended up with somebody who. I think women who go from, like, the frontman of a band, if they move into a second marriage, it's always like, the most powerful, strong, silent type that's behind the scenes. And I think that he's, like, the perfect example of that. Like, he's just the perfect package like that.

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Speaking of Brad Falchuk, like, we talk a lot about his perfect social media usage for her, where it's like, basically his Instagram is just like, you know, a shrine to her. Yeah. And I think that that's the way men should do social media. I think if you're. And I think this is a red flag if your man or if a guy you're interested in is way too active on social media. Disgusting. If he has ever posted a real.

[Jack Vanek]

It's.

[Keltie Knight]

It's a real.

[Unknown]

A real red flag.

[Keltie Knight]

Red flag.

[Unknown]

Real red flag.

[Keltie Knight]

Guaranteed.

[Becca Tobin]

He sells a course online.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

If he's posting reals.

[Unknown]

Yes. Yes.

[Keltie Knight]

I feel like, why.

[Jack Vanek]

Why else would you be talking to the camera?

[Becca Tobin]

Literally?

[Jack Vanek]

Why are you trying to sell your life?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Why are you hitting record on that front facing camera?

[Unknown]

Like, that's embarrassing.

[Jack Vanek]

Selfies.

[Becca Tobin]

Red flag.

[Unknown]

It's so true. You could almost see the demise of Kaitlyn Bristow and Jason Tarte.

[Jack Vanek]

Oh, my God.

[Unknown]

By his social media usage going up.

[Jack Vanek]

Yes.

[Unknown]

And her. Her ick level went up as his social media went up.

[Jack Vanek]

That man loves a front facing reel.

[Unknown]

Loves a reel.

[Becca Tobin]

No. And it dovetails perfectly with also a single selfie on social media. It's just. It's over. We're done.

[Keltie Knight]

We're done.

[Becca Tobin]

A gym picture.

[Jack Vanek]

I feel like selfies in general are kind of done, like, so for me.

[Keltie Knight]

Especially on the grid, I would say.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think selfies in general are done for all. All people?

[Jack Vanek]

I haven't taken a selfie. I feel like you're taking a selfie.

[Unknown]

If I have. If I've had somebody put on, like a beautiful face of makeup on me, like, if I have good glam, that's why I do it to like, like, showcase somebody's work.

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

I mean, I'll be like, I'm still taking selfies.

[Becca Tobin]

I do it to showcase my own. My own self, but for other people to see.

[Keltie Knight]

But I'm not hard posting them.

[Unknown]

I would say, you know, the most embarrassing thing is we're like, ooh, selfies cringe. But is it better that I travel with a full tripod that I can then put my. Like, at the Met Gala this year, I loved my dress so much, but I didn't have anyone with me. So I'm in the hotel lobby wearing my gown, full glam, with a tripod and a lighting rig and my cell phone, like, making video and, like, doing my photos myself. And, like, that's more embarrassing. I should just took a selfie.

[Becca Tobin]

No, what I see is a woman at work. Okay. I see a woman making money. I see a man.

[Jack Vanek]

Thank you.

[Keltie Knight]

It's. It's all of our jobs.

[Becca Tobin]

Absolutely.

[Keltie Knight]

But if your man, if your man owns a light, any kind of lighting.

[Unknown]

Situation, unless he's a professional photographer, videographer, I cringe when I see. Sorry, this is a total tangent, but there's women I follow on Instagram and they're like fashion girls and they live in the city and they, like, will prop their phone up on like, some random wall or storefront, and then they'll be like, okay, so today. And they're like. You can tell. They're, like, trying to be like the people around them, but they're also feeling a little bit of shame and they're not fully owning it. And then they, like, run and curry over to the camera and, like, turn it off. I'm like. Or Just don't do that. Or do it in your apartment. You know, we don't need the city background.

Or bring a tripod.

[Keltie Knight]

Or bring a tripod.

[Unknown]

I'm working. You have a real job. Cool. I just made five grand showing these shoes.

[Becca Tobin]

I know.

[Jack Vanek]

It is true. It's like you're laughing all the way to the bank.

[Unknown]

Yeah, those girls.

[Keltie Knight]

I have done that type of video twice. I've done it on my street. And every single time I've wanted to completely evaporate after I've done it because somebody will pass by me and I'm just like, can you imagine? They know that I live here. Like, why am I doing this? Yeah, you can tell how uncomfortable I am every time I film them.

[Unknown]

That's why.

[Keltie Knight]

Like, they barely seen the light of day.

[Unknown]

Would there be anything more embarrassing than an ex finding you in that situation?

[Jack Vanek]

Like, crossing the street?

[Unknown]

No, like, if he was, like, walking past Chandler, literally, and he saw her filming like that.

[Keltie Knight]

Something I lose sleep over all the time is that I will never look mysterious to my exes now because I have this business because we do this, like, agreed. They can know everything about me. Their ex, girlfriend. Their girlfriend can listen to me. Their girlfriend can see my reels that go up, that get like, two likes. Like, she's winning. I know she's winning.

[Unknown]

Yeah, for sure.

[Jack Vanek]

Because she has mystery.

[Keltie Knight]

Yes, she's mystery. Like, I have shared every. I've forgotten, like, half the things that I've shared. It's really.

[Jack Vanek]

I kind of like it because I'm like, I'm giving you so much, like, content to stock.

[Keltie Knight]

I need to look like you could.

[Jack Vanek]

Be doing this forever.

[Unknown]

Do you ever look at your shares on stories and think, like, oh, 80% of these shares are because people are.

[Becca Tobin]

Like, my favorite is when they share it to you, actually accidentally. And they're like, okay. When we were first starting out, I was looking for part time help for the show. And anyway, I was like, you know, looking for someone for part time assisting. And someone's like, probably is gonna pay $9 an hour to me.

[Jack Vanek]

Was this somebody you knew?

[Becca Tobin]

No, just a random listener.

[Unknown]

Like, hey, I would like to talk to you about this $9 position.

[Jack Vanek]

I'll pay you 10.

[Unknown]

But also, I can't hate on it because I do it constantly.

[Jack Vanek]

I do it and that's. No, but what you have to do is you have to send it and then check right away to make sure.

[Keltie Knight]

I didn't accidentally go to the person.

[Unknown]

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[Keltie Knight]

And if you're not in love, you.

[Unknown]

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Hi, I'm Adam Rippon and this is Intrusive Thoughts, the podcast where I finally say the stuff out loud that's been living rent free in my head for years. From dumb decisions to awkward moments I probably should have kept to myself. Nothing's off limits. Yes, I'm talking about the time I lost my phone mid flight and still haven't truly emotionally recovered from that. There might be too many sound effects. I've been told to chill. Will I Unclear, but if you've ever laid awake at night cringing at something you said five years ago, congratulations. You found your people. Intrusive Thoughts with Adam Rippon is available now. Wherever you get your podcast.

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[Keltie Knight]

Let's talk about, you know, let's talk about the apartment decor that you're that your prospective partner might have. Yeah, like I think that, you know, I think, ladies, it's time to put the bar a little higher. And there needs to be a bed frame.

[Becca Tobin]

A bed frame is perfect.

[Keltie Knight]

There needs to be a nightstand, and there needs to be a dresser. Those three pieces of furniture are a must.

[Becca Tobin]

And.

[Keltie Knight]

And maybe a couch.

[Becca Tobin]

And no furniture can be inflatable. Like, does he need to rinse something off once he's done with you? And I mean, like, that sounds like a murder, not like a fun time.

[Unknown]

Or a bean bag. Get your fucking bean bags out of there.

[Keltie Knight]

Bean bag out of there.

[Jack Vanek]

I mean, the mattress on the floor is definitely massive. Massive. Red flag.

[Becca Tobin]

He's not Steve Jobs, okay? He's not just zen creating Apple. No, he. He needs to get his ass to Ikea and grow up.

[Unknown]

Yeah, but I kind of want, like, when I go in for the furniture to be not great.

[Becca Tobin]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Like, I want.

[Keltie Knight]

Because you don't want.

[Jack Vanek]

It's not. It's that thing somebody has cooked here. It's like, you don't want somebody that's cooked there. You want to be able to meld them, change you.

[Unknown]

Because I know friends. Like, I've had friends marry and get with guys that had, like, their whole life together and, like, had too strong of an opinion.

Yes, exactly.

Because when I take you to West Elm, we're getting what I want. Like, you're not gonna fight me on the cutlery we're getting for our house or the couch. Like, I don't want to fight with you.

Yeah.

Like, it's gonna be my look, my design, and you're gonna love it. So I was happy when I met my husband, and he had full furniture, a full set that he had gone and paid for, but it was ugly. And I was like, I will take this money and I will change everything about you. But I love that you have drawers.

Yes.

[Keltie Knight]

Green flag. That is a green flag. I mean, like, I want to be the one bringing aesthetic to the table.

[Jack Vanek]

Yes.

[Unknown]

But I did get the ick.

When I lived in New York, I was dating this guy, very successful, did very handsome, lived in a beautiful apartment, and I went back to his place for the very first time. I was like, oh, it's so on. We're going to make out. And I was like, oh, can I use your restroom? It's like a two bed, two bathroom. And he's like, yeah. He's like, go in the one in my room, though, because I forget the cat's name.

[Jack Vanek]

Oh, cat. Red flag.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But even more so, the. The guest. The powder bathroom was like litter box, cat crawly thingy. So it was like the cat's room.

[Jack Vanek]

Oh, my God.

[Keltie Knight]

It was like, carpet things.

[Unknown]

Yes. Everything. And it was, like, disgusting. And the rest of the apartment was so nice that I was like. I couldn't. I actually couldn't continue the evening.

[Keltie Knight]

No.

[Unknown]

And it was done forever after you left. I, like, made out with him, and I kept thinking about the fucking carpet crawler and the litter box. And I. I had the ick from then on out, and I was obsessed with this person.

[Keltie Knight]

Like, man with a dog. So cute. Man with a cat.

[Unknown]

Not jail.

[Becca Tobin]

Weird.

[Jack Vanek]

I thought you were gonna say that you're gonna go into the bathroom and there was gonna be women's, like, product. Because that is also sketchy. Sketchy as it's like women's shampoo and conditioner.

[Unknown]

Mom got it for you at home goods.

No, Mom. If you're at this age, mom shouldn't even be buying you anything.

[Becca Tobin]

No, no. Yeah. Mom should have no. No place in what you eat, how your clothes get clean, how you, you know, pay your bills. Mom should also not be. There should not be chatter every day. You know, it should just be a. A respectful, nice relationship.

[Keltie Knight]

It's a fine line with mom's kids because it's like, you want someone who's. Has a good relationship with their mom, you know, or hopefully are, you know?

[Unknown]

Yeah, good.

[Keltie Knight]

But you do not want someone who has a great relationship with their mom.

[Unknown]

I dated a monster whose mom got her boobs done.

[Jack Vanek]

Okay, Her.

[Unknown]

Whose mom what got her boobs done? And she was sending him pictures not of the full titty, but like. Of, like, the. Titty in a bra Swear.

[Keltie Knight]

Titty in a bra.

[Unknown]

Titty in a bra To.

[Keltie Knight]

To the sun.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Look poppy. Look what I got. Like, literally, look poppy. Yeah, they were Puerto Rican.

[Keltie Knight]

Oh, wow. I'm having trouble computing that because that is.

[Unknown]

It was wild. It was wild.

[Jack Vanek]

Very inappropriate.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

And are you. You were dating at the time when you got these. And what is he responding with?

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah, what's he saying? Like.

[Unknown]

Like, my mom's so beautiful. I mean, he worshiped his mother. And that was another red flag because you're like. It's like the fine line.

[Keltie Knight]

Yes.

[Unknown]

And I just felt like you're her second husband.

Yes.

[Keltie Knight]

It's kind of like if a guy thinks that his mom is so cute or would, like, so hot or. But it's like a girl who thinks that their dad is really hot. Like, you know what I'm talking about? A girl who always posts, like, on Father's Day, like, a photo of their dad where they look Jenny Mullen is.

[Unknown]

The only person who can get away with. I love harassing her father. Like sexually harassing her father.

[Keltie Knight]

Jenny Mullen gets a pass and for everything. For everything, all of it. But yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

Back to apartment furniture. This is a good one. Has a gaming chair, but no dining chairs. That's a huge red flag.

[Unknown]

Disgusting.

[Jack Vanek]

As a person married to a gamer.

[Unknown]

Wait, Jared has a gaming chair?

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah, I mean it's his work. He works at his station as well, but he also games from his station. He has an office now. We just bought a house. So he has his like his own.

[Keltie Knight]

Office room that he.

[Jack Vanek]

It's the only place that he can do anything. Like the walls are black. Like I'm like, do whatever you want in there. But yeah, there's a gaming chair. But we do have a nice dining.

[Unknown]

Set up as well.

[Keltie Knight]

But you have to have both, you know. Also in defense of the gaming chair, I will say, you know, this is a person who wants to have good back support as they sit for hours and hours. Like they're, you know, they don't want to.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Hurt themselves.

[Jack Vanek]

Also gamers, if you're doing a professional gaming, they make so much fucking money it's insane.

[Keltie Knight]

It's true, it's true.

[Jack Vanek]

Depends on how big they are on Twitch, you know.

[Becca Tobin]

Okay, yeah, a Twitch streamer that's making millions a month. We can overlook the gaming chair. He can have a gaming chair.

[Jack Vanek]

Like he can have a gaming chair.

[Keltie Knight]

If your gamer is successful, great. If he is aspiring, I'm gonna say no.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah, it's a right timer bracket.

[Unknown]

Can get you out of a lot of literally anything. Like, honestly, it's like you're living in.

[Jack Vanek]

A van like a billionaire.

[Becca Tobin]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Okay, here's another big one.

[Unknown]

And I think this is, this is.

[Keltie Knight]

One where people can literally, you can go on their Instagram and you can find this out and if you see this, do not even go on a first date.

[Jack Vanek]

Okay.

[Keltie Knight]

If he is following a bunch of thoughties on Instagram, if he. If Instagram is also porn basically for this person, no thank you. Disgusting.

[Jack Vanek]

Bigger red flag if they're commenting.

[Becca Tobin]

I mean, okay, so I was dating a guy in Southern California before I met my husband. And of course I looked at every single person he followed. Of course. And there were a lot of 22 year old onlyfans entrepreneurs that he followed. One was sweet Emma. And I continue to be obsessed I over the sky for, I don't know, a solid three more months.

[Unknown]

She's looking up Sweet Emma.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah, let's look her up. I hope she's gotten her bag by now.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah, I hope sweet Emma is making more than I do prostituting myself on this podcast. But anyway, yeah, I think that a lot of these are lessons I've learned in the past the hard way.

[Unknown]

What's awkward is when my friend's current husbands. I'll be on a girl's Instagram. This just happened last week. There's a makeup artist that was doing my makeup and she asked me if I knew this girl cuz her now brother in law's dating this thy. Which I love. I love that you are bringing that term. And I was like, oh God, I do remember her growth. She made out with my boyfriend back in the day like just a tramp. So I go to her Instagram and I start looking and I see one of my friend's husbands is like liking all our photos. They don't live in the same city, never have. They certainly don't know each other. And his wife is not following this woman. And I'm like, do I send this to my friend?

[Keltie Knight]

Literally.

[Jack Vanek]

It's weird.

[Keltie Knight]

It's weird. And I like if there are any men listening, just like clean up that side of your business. Because it is just a. It's a bad look. Like I'm not gonna shame anybody for whatever.

[Becca Tobin]

Get a fucking finsta. Literally.

[Keltie Knight]

Get a fucking or up.

[Unknown]

Better yet, just don't follow them. And if you feel horny, you want to take a look, search their name. Just take a quick peek.

[Keltie Knight]

Take it.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah, but then, then they're like explore page is all.

[Keltie Knight]

That's another thing we. We've said on this podcast many times by his explosion explore Page, you shall know him.

[Unknown]

Oh, like the Bible 100 and us, unfortunately.

[Jack Vanek]

What?

[Unknown]

Like they know us from our explorer?

Yeah, that's. Yes.

[Becca Tobin]

That's just beauty procedures.

[Jack Vanek]

It's like every single facelift that there.

[Keltie Knight]

Could be, you know, it's better though than just tits.

[Unknown]

I was true.

[Keltie Knight]

I was on the subway last year and there was a guy next to me who was just swiping and it was just tit ass, tit. Like it was just. And I like I hadn't. I just felt something come over me and I was just like staring at him like I was just like, you are disgusting. Yeah, like do that on your own time. Privately. Anyway.

[Unknown]

Men are the worst.

[Jack Vanek]

Yes.

[Becca Tobin]

Another one. His job in this self labeled is an entrepreneur. I think that this is something to really be wary of. Let's discuss why because I think it means no job. I think it means unemployed. I Think, you know, it's. It's kind of like we can all be a CEO of a lemonade stand.

[Keltie Knight]

Right?

[Becca Tobin]

Let's see the proof in the pudding. Before we title ourselves entrepreneur, we are watching Shark Tank.

[Unknown]

I was just gonna say, unless you're a guest judge on Shark Tank, you can't call yourself an entrepreneur.

[Becca Tobin]

Thank you.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah, I'm like, even if your business is successful, you're probably still in $500,000 worth of debt. Like, it's.

[Keltie Knight]

It's rough out there.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I think it's a bummer.

[Jack Vanek]

Also, like a slash. Like, if you're a slash. If you're an actor slash model, slash photographer, those are pretty rough.

[Unknown]

That is me.

[Becca Tobin]

That's also me.

[Jack Vanek]

Oh, my God. When I meet people like, what are you doing? I'm like, I have a podcast.

[Keltie Knight]

If he has a podcast, I know that's red flag.

[Unknown]

I have a hot five. No. Club promoters, DJs, professional athletes, actors, or probably musicians. Musicians.

Yeah. Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

I think that's smart.

[Unknown]

I think a hot five.

[Keltie Knight]

And you know what? You can avoid those types. You know you can.

[Becca Tobin]

That's a 100% of those men will cheat on you.

[Keltie Knight]

100.

[Becca Tobin]

Right.

[Unknown]

Y.

But for the right price.

[Jack Vanek]

Once again, for the right price.

[Becca Tobin]

I mean, yeah, for the right price and no prenup.

[Keltie Knight]

Back to the entrepreneur thing. And I think this. This was an interesting. We asked for red flags and green flags from our audience, and somebody said, a green flag is a guy who doesn't drive a super nice car. Like, a guy. And this person said, you know, they have, like. I think they're also saying that they have, like, a good job, but they don't drive a super nice car because that doesn't matter to them.

[Jack Vanek]

Flashy.

[Keltie Knight]

I like that they have a strong sense of self.

[Unknown]

I like that.

[Keltie Knight]

You know?

[Jack Vanek]

Well, Larry David was driving. I don't know, he probably still does, but drove a Prius for, like, the longest time.

[Unknown]

And I'm like, I'm not turned on by cars at all.

[Keltie Knight]

Like, I'm not either.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I. What happens to me is when I see someone that has a ridiculous car, honestly, this is like a red green flag for a life. When I see someone has a super nice car, I'm always like, oh, that lease. Like, my mind goes right to, like, the financials of it. I'm like, okay, well, that lease is like 500, $600 a month. If you put that in the stock.

[Jack Vanek]

Market cheap now and all, you can't get, like, any car for less than that now.

[Unknown]

Yeah, really, Like a really nice car lease is like three grand a month.

Really?

They're really nice. Like a G wagon. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Jack Vanek]

Oh.

[Unknown]

So no, but if it's somebody super wealthy, it's like, it's all, well, they.

Can have car, whatever, I guess. Whatever they want. But it's like I just sometimes when I see that, I'm like, you're too responsible. I mean, I'm too responsible.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah. I think, I think if you were leasing a nice.

[Unknown]

Get a better house.

[Becca Tobin]

If you.

[Keltie Knight]

Right.

[Unknown]

And cars. I just don't care about a car.

[Becca Tobin]

I think if there's like a crazy hot matrix men talk about for women, I think there's like a watch car abode matrix that women need to look out with for men. Right. Like the watch needs to fit the home.

[Keltie Knight]

Right.

[Becca Tobin]

The car needs to fit the home.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jack Vanek]

You know, if appropriateness.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Keltie Knight]

If you're leasing a BMW or what, are you releasing a super nice car but you do not yet live somewhere that really makes sense with that.

[Jack Vanek]

Like, that's literally L. A in a nutshell.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Like, my friend at work is like, oh, I'm thinking about getting this car, car. And I was like, I like, you're renting the worst apartment. And I was like, you don't need a BMW. I was like, go get a Honda Civic. It'll never break down.

[Keltie Knight]

Right.

[Unknown]

It's gonna get sideswiped at the Trader Joe's parking lot anyway. Like, you're fine.

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

That is the nice thing about New York is that there's not this like car identity thing.

[Unknown]

But then it's kind of scary. It's kind of like when you live in cold weather with a guy and you meet him in winter and then you go to the beach and you realize he's a flip flop wearing like tropical shirt person cargo shorts.

[Keltie Knight]

Shorts.

[Unknown]

That's. That has happened to me. I feel like if you take somebody out of their element. This actually happened when I dated a guitar player who wore guyliner. It was all very hot. When you'd go to the, you know.

[Keltie Knight]

Club when the sun is down.

[Unknown]

Yeah, the sun is down and you're like running around Vegas and then you're out in the open, like in la, grabbing a coffee. It's a real bummer.

That used to happen all the time with our mutual ex boyfriend. We're going on these amazing trips to Hawaii and stuff. And then I was like, you really only make sense in one part of the world. You're wearing the skinny pale self on the beach in Hawaii.

[Jack Vanek]

Is not like you as a normie is not translating the normalness of you.

[Unknown]

Like you're only good on stage.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah, yeah, it's true.

[Unknown]

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[Keltie Knight]

And even just working from home.

[Unknown]

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[Becca Tobin]

She's very esteemed. Forbes 30 under 30 has a very impressive company. She's a CEO, she's a tycoon, she sits on boards or whatever. She has a lot going on in her brain.

[Unknown]

Why is she friends with you?

[Becca Tobin]

That is honestly the million dollar question. But I have to tell you, I got a text from her husband the other day and he said thank you so much for recommending Early Bird cbd. She has honestly been able to just chill out a little bit. So much more. She takes half a gummy and it has been life changing for her. We cannot swear by Early Bird CBD gummies more in our households.

[Unknown]

They are the only gummies that I reach for.

[Becca Tobin]

They help you in the middle of the night. Just get back to sleep. If you want to enjoy a show more, a delicious meal, melt into that pillow of yours, you guys. Early birds cbd.com use code POPAPOLOGIST for 20% off. You will not regret it. And a bottle lasts a long time. That's early birdcbd.com use code popapologist for 20% off. I'm gonna say also in the vein of the sartorial presentations. When a man insists on bringing his mountaineering aesthetic into it's like we're good on the arc' teryx jacket at dinner. Like we're good. We get it. You can Climb.

[Keltie Knight]

Congrats.

[Becca Tobin]

Like, it's. I don't hate it. You don't hate it?

[Jack Vanek]

No.

[Keltie Knight]

Well, I like Gorpcore. No, it really fits in the most.

[Unknown]

This is a guy like. This is like Luke from the Valley.

Yes.

The doomsday prepper, even. He has transitioned his wardrobe into reality tv, which I really appreciate.

And he's still wearing his.

[Becca Tobin]

The Patagonias on.

[Unknown]

Not ironically.

[Jack Vanek]

Okay.

[Keltie Knight]

You know, not. Not like, I'm into, like, fashion. Not as a fashion statement. It's like. Well, it could, you know, I need to be wearing this waterproof, you know, 40 below jacket in case, like, you know, we're at Chick Fil A and it gets cold.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

And in that same vein, I would say being an outdoorsman is not a substitute for a personality. For an income.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Becca Tobin]

For, you know, an identity.

[Unknown]

Really?

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

It can be a minor part of your life, but let's not have it consume everything we do.

[Keltie Knight]

If that's the only type of vacation they want to do, is like an outdoorsy vacation.

[Becca Tobin]

I once had a boyfriend tell me that I didn't put. Push him enough. As an outdoorsman.

[Unknown]

No.

[Keltie Knight]

Oh.

[Jack Vanek]

Why is that your responsibility?

[Becca Tobin]

This was. This was a complaint he had. So he was an avid climber. Rip mat. And what's a grip mat?

[Keltie Knight]

Rip. Rip. Rip. What does that mean? Oh, Rip mat.

[Unknown]

His name is Matt. He died.

[Becca Tobin]

No, he. He died in my heart.

[Jack Vanek]

I got him, like, this is so dark. I was like.

[Becca Tobin]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Now he's no longer with us because I didn't push him in if he's not drawers. But no, I mean, I. You know, of course, as women do, I just became everything he wanted. So I spent all weekends doing what he wanted. Climbing. All the things. My interests were shallow because it was reality TV and fun stuff.

[Keltie Knight]

You went camping with him every single weekend that you were dating. So you were pushing him, in my opinion.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah. And we would go. We would go, like, camping. The type of camping where you just sleep on a tarp. No tent, because you're trying to. Not with those curls. No. Wait.

[Jack Vanek]

I can't believe you did this.

[Becca Tobin]

Oh, I. I was. I was desperate for some. Were you having that.

[Unknown]

Were you having that hairstyle?

[Becca Tobin]

Good D. I wish. Because this is the only hairstyle I.

[Jack Vanek]

Think I look pretty with.

[Becca Tobin]

It did. And I didn't wear that watch. No, I did not have this watch 10 years ago.

[Unknown]

Where is he now?

[Becca Tobin]

I think he's outside.

[Jack Vanek]

He's literally camping.

[Becca Tobin]

He's still at the canyon. No, I remember he had this you know, there was a meltdown that occurred because maybe I shouldn't get into it, but I just. I didn't want to do the second canyon. So we would be going back in the dark, you know, and then there was kind of a talk like, hey, like, I, you know, you, like, you don't push me enough to really.

[Unknown]

To die in a canyon. Matt.

[Becca Tobin]

This. Good luck. The stupid shit I was doing dating in my early 20s, I just. I didn't need to do any of that. And there was a lot. There are a lot of girls likewise desperate.

[Keltie Knight]

Like, I was.

[Unknown]

Who are that person?

[Keltie Knight]

And I think you, like, equate that with, like, he's cool. Like, I think all the things that I used to think were cool, like being super crazy outdoorsy, you know, being, like, so anti material like, things or like, someone who just, like, only cared about indie music. Like, I thought those would be, like, the ticket to meeting a good guy. Not true. I will.

[Becca Tobin]

Not true. And I will say in the same vein, a guy who resents the modern economy. This is the world we live in. If you hate capitalism, it's not gonna work between the two of us. Because I need you to be good at capitalism.

[Jack Vanek]

This is the reality we learned.

[Becca Tobin]

This is just a brutal, harsh reality. I don't need you to dismantle all of the way the world is set up. We don't have long enough in this life for that to work out.

[Unknown]

No. Gross.

I honestly want that on a poster.

[Becca Tobin]

Right?

[Unknown]

That should be all these things. Like, get someone who's kind and nice and like, whatever is on time. Like, number one should actually be that.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah.

[Jack Vanek]

Being cheap is like my biggest red flag of anybody.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

This the second mountaineering guy.

[Unknown]

This is incredible.

[Becca Tobin]

We split every meal, like, every car. Both cars went down for everything. And I finally said to him, she's like, it's a little embarrassing. I feel like, can we just switch off?

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

And he said, no, because then it will never be truly equal.

[Jack Vanek]

No. People that nickel and dime like that, they always end up screwing themselves over.

[Unknown]

Because it's going to jail.

[Jack Vanek]

But, like, if you're trying to, like, make it, like, even by every single penny, it's like, I'm sure you're a generous person. You're like, I probably would have actually ended up paying more than you for sure. Now, since you're going to, like to.

[Becca Tobin]

Not lose my dignity at Starbucks, you know, because it's embarrassing.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

So embarrassing. Woman.

[Unknown]

People's Venmo transactions I do have. Because it's like, people that are Just in your contacts, in your phone. I do have an ex boyfriend who's now currently married. Like, he shows up because he doesn't realize you can make your transactions private. And he and his wife are constantly sending each other venmos, like, for dinner, utilities, blah, blah, blah.

[Keltie Knight]

He or she is, like, paying the spouse, like, for things that they.

[Unknown]

They're, like, paying each other back and forth or, like, life stuff.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah. Especially if you have two kids with someone like that. That is.

[Unknown]

It's weird.

[Becca Tobin]

It's one household, one account.

[Keltie Knight]

One account.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

A good prenup. You're good.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Truly.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

Anyway, just words for women. Chandler. What. What other red flags.

[Unknown]

Words for women.

[Keltie Knight]

I. I want to talk a little bit about potential texting behavior. Like, what are we gleaning from the way that they text?

[Becca Tobin]

This was you dating Chandler was the worst. She won with.

[Keltie Knight]

So not ready.

[Becca Tobin]

Chandler wanted someone who was always gonna be, like, texting super funny things all the time.

[Jack Vanek]

Funny.

[Keltie Knight]

I needed someone. I. I used to think that that would equate to, like, an amazing personality is if they were, like, their texting game was on.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah.

[Jack Vanek]

I was like that too.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jack Vanek]

Because I was also the type of person that, like, I'd match with somebody on a dating app. We'd talk for, like, two days and, like, love my life.

[Becca Tobin]

Literally.

[Jack Vanek]

I was like, we have the best banter. Like, this guy is fucking hilarious. And then it's like. Then you meet him and you're like. It's almost like, worse if they're really good at texting. Yes.

[Keltie Knight]

Yes.

[Becca Tobin]

Because they're texting. A lot of women texting.

[Keltie Knight]

A lot of women, they know how to play the game. I mean, I, like, ghosted my now husband because he was like. We were like, dming before we, like, went on our. A blind date. Our first date or whatever. And he was like, what shows are you watching? And I was just, like, boring. It's like, I'm not responding to this.

[Unknown]

And now you're like, hey, babe, I'll be home at work at 7. Don't watch ginger Warrior.

[Keltie Knight]

No. Literally, I'm like, do not watch Secret Lives of Mormon Lives without me.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Better.

Wait.

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

Or a single episode of Alone, which is we do love alone.

[Keltie Knight]

We do love alone. I'm not. It's funny. Like, I. I think I definitely played that. I played up being outdoorsy when we were first dating. And it's just like, every year we've been together, it's just gotten, like, less and less.

[Unknown]

Is he super outdoorsy?

[Keltie Knight]

Outdoorsy? I mean, I'VE probably not pushed him to. So he's, he's less so than he.

[Becca Tobin]

Was when he'll bring that up in therapy.

[Unknown]

He's not coming out at the dock.

[Keltie Knight]

I'm like, I've not gotten any better at skiing. Sorry.

[Unknown]

I. I have a husband now that we will not text for like days. I think it's actually a problem, but that's not healthy. But like, he travels a lot and I travel a lot, but it's, it's the opposite. Like, I can remember in my 20s, I was traveling a lot. I was a dancer and I'd be on tours and things like that. And I had these boyfriends that were all like very sketchy and I would stay up till four in the morning so that I could catch them. I remember living in New York and being like, it's 3pm and he's just waking up in Vegas and like I'd be waiting for the text and like then it would be like. And we'd always have to be in constant communication to. Because I didn't trust him. You know what I mean? Because there was no trust. I need to know where you were when you were okay. I'm walking into this, I'm getting out of this and it's exhausting. My husband, like will literally go to Italy or wherever he is. I think he's in Milan today. And I'm like, I haven't talked to you today. I didn't text you good morning. I probably won't talk to you till I see you on Saturday. Like, I, I know that's probably a problem.

[Becca Tobin]

No, I.

[Keltie Knight]

But you're secure.

[Unknown]

But I'm like, when I see you, I don't need you to text. And then like he'll text me and then all of a sudden he'll text me me. Like, I saw this and thought of you and it's like baby birds hatching. Oh my God. You know, he's like, look at this little dog video. Or you know, like he's gets me but like, I don't have to be attached at the hip.

Yeah.

I don't want to be in the movie her with an AI boyfriend. I want to have a real life person.

Yeah. Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

Honestly, one of my husband and I are not. When we are both traveling, it's like radio silence basically as well. We have a lot of. We have a ton of in person chemistry, but we could never survive long distance because we have, we have. It's tough for us to like keep things going truly to validate. Like, it's it's really bad. And it's just. We just don't. He's. He's honestly not a super talky guy, period. So, you know, more time for me.

[Unknown]

To talk about myself.

Yes.

[Becca Tobin]

And my thoughts and feelings.

[Keltie Knight]

I think it's. I think it is, though, a good sign when a guy is just not like, a pro at texting. When they're not. Because it just shows that it's not like that they're not playing that game with a bunch of different women all the time.

[Unknown]

They don't.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah, we're, like, good at that. He's gonna be less likely to slide into someone's dm.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Becca Tobin]

Right.

[Unknown]

And they definitely won't respond because it'll be like, hi.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah, hey, what's up?

[Becca Tobin]

I think this one is good. Always pays with cash. That is also a red flag. Oh, right.

[Unknown]

Who has.

[Becca Tobin]

Their credit score is definitely going to be low.

[Jack Vanek]

Everyone's like, where are you getting that cash from?

[Unknown]

Interesting.

[Keltie Knight]

How can a woman.

[Becca Tobin]

Or honestly. Always pays with a debit card, I would say is also a problem if.

[Jack Vanek]

You don't have a credit card.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

I guess those are ways.

[Unknown]

New York girls are really savages. I was like, oh, my God.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah. I guess these are details that you or you can, you know, kind of surmise someone's credit score without asking. I mean, right. I remember being on, like, maybe we were, like, three months into dating, and I did look, ask my boyfriend to show me his mint account. At the time, I had no savings. So when I saw his mint account.

[Becca Tobin]

That I did that conversation go, I.

[Keltie Knight]

Think I was like, also, it's just so funny because I was, like, in debt, but I was like. I was like, show me your. Like, let's have a day. Yes, literally. And I think, like, I saw his mint account, and I think his car was, like, a part of it. So, like, that looked like his. That was a part of his net worth. And I was just like, the Accord was factored into the net worth.

[Becca Tobin]

Chandler's like, no bringing up with this.

[Keltie Knight]

Literally, I was like, I'm good.

[Unknown]

How do you deal with this? Because on the Valley right now we're watching, and Britney has, like, been married to Jax for all these years, and then now it's just coming out that, like, you own. You owed. When I met you, you owed $1.5 million in taxes. Like, at what point in relationship do you want the guy to tell you, hey, I've got some stuff like, should it be date one and you're like, out, or should you fall in Love first. And then he tells you, like, to me, we shouldn't have gotten married.

[Keltie Knight]

Yes, for sure.

[Unknown]

Between, like, you should still be able to fall in love without having to talk those types of things. But it needs to happen between falling in love and getting married.

[Keltie Knight]

Right?

[Jack Vanek]

Like, I don't know if I agree.

[Unknown]

Well, I have to say, not everybody is put into onto this planet with the same privileges. So it's like, no, for sure. You know, like, I can be all judgy, but like, my parents like paid for me Till I was 25 years old.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I have no debt. My credit score, My credit score is at 780. And like, my mom put my name on a credit card when I was like 3:15 so I could do that. So I do feel like if there are people that, you know, unfortunately for, due to unfortunate circumstances, do get themselves in a little trouble. If it were not for my husband, every year, taxes would be due and I'd be like, oopsies, I didn't say for this.

[Jack Vanek]

Like, it's.

[Keltie Knight]

I.

[Unknown]

So I have, I have some empathy. I mean, blatant irresponsibility, like a sailor, like, that's a bummer.

[Jack Vanek]

Or if you have like a gambling problem, like, if it's like something that you brought upon yourself, I think it's like to me, it's the same responsibility. It's like if you're telling somebody you've been like divorced or you like have a kid, or it's like the big thing you're bringing into the relationship.

[Keltie Knight]

Right.

[Unknown]

Or if it's like he's spending, taking you on these, all these trips and getting you the Birkin and whatever. And then he's like, oh, by the way, I haven't paid my taxes in six years. You're like, but I love this bag.

[Becca Tobin]

No, I think too.

[Keltie Knight]

I think if you are. If the math is not mathing, the.

[Unknown]

Math is got a math, then you.

[Keltie Knight]

Then you should ask. Then you should have an open conversation. Be like, this is where I'm at, you know, as you are as you start to more seriously date. Because, like, just like, look alive, eyes wide open. Let's does the math math of your guy.

[Becca Tobin]

I once dated a guy who lived with his parents, but also told me that he was interviewing for a job where he was going to be making $10 million a month.

[Jack Vanek]

Shut up.

[Becca Tobin]

And I have to tell you, I had to go to my boss at the time and be like, does are these other jobs like this?

[Unknown]

Like the guy from Love is Blind. Do you Remember that season where the guy, he, like, came across as, like, such a baller in real estate, and then they ended up together and he lived with his parents.

[Becca Tobin]

Oh, my gosh. Wait, wait.

[Unknown]

And she was, like, kind of bitchy, but beautiful blonde hair. Damn it. I just.

Someone's yelling in their car right now.

Yes, somebody. But they just reminded me of that.

[Keltie Knight]

I'm sorry. Also, if your guy is going on Love is Blind.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

It's a bummer. Or any reality show.

[Keltie Knight]

Any reality. Yeah, the Jack stuff is. That is crazy.

[Becca Tobin]

I think a guy has 1.5 million in debt and cheated on you. Like, let's not marry him.

[Jack Vanek]

What are. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Men can change. I absolutely believe that men can change.

Yeah.

But I think they changed yesterday and.

You screamed, men can't change. I'm fairly certain we did a podcast, like, men do not change.

[Becca Tobin]

Are you remembering that?

[Unknown]

They probably don't change, but if they do change, it's not going to be with you.

Yeah.

Like, do you think maybe. Sorry to bring it up again, but do you think maybe Ryan Ross is a good boyfriend now?

No, he might be.

[Jack Vanek]

Probably not.

[Keltie Knight]

No.

[Unknown]

Cheating.

Cheating is a tough one if you are a chronic cheater. I think that's a really hard thing to shake if you cheated a couple times or whatever, like, early on, especially.

[Jack Vanek]

In your early 20s.

[Keltie Knight]

Like, I think everybody is a mess, and that's okay.

[Unknown]

But I think Jax and Brittany. I. I think hers was very strategic. Like, she. What else was she going to be doing if she didn't marry Jax Taylor and be on reality TV for however many years? She was making a choice. I mean, I'm just assuming.

Yeah.

She's making a calculated decision for her future, and I support it. I mean, is she having repercussions for that choice? For sure.

[Keltie Knight]

Right.

[Unknown]

As we all do.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah, she's. She's having repercussions, but she also has millions of followers on Instagram and probably gets killer brand deals.

[Keltie Knight]

There you go. Would she be better off just instilling, you know, Kentucky. Kentucky.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

I don't know why we need to.

[Becca Tobin]

Malign the state of Kentucky, Chandler.

[Keltie Knight]

Well, I'm just. You're right. Sorry.

[Becca Tobin]

Let's not alienate our Kentucky listeners.

[Keltie Knight]

Okay, well, before I. Before I get into hot water with the people of Kentucky, I think also the way. The way that a guy talks about women, the way that he talks about his exact exes.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Pay attention to that.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

They're all.

[Keltie Knight]

That she's crazy.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

I'm gonna say, too. If someone is, like, too good of Friends with all their exes too.

[Jack Vanek]

Oh, you should not be friends with an ex.

[Keltie Knight]

You should not be. It should be just like. There's no respectful parting of ways. You just do not need that respectful or just.

[Jack Vanek]

That's fine.

[Keltie Knight]

Yes. 100.

[Becca Tobin]

Also, this is so true. Someone submitted has Snapchat. They should not even have the app.

[Keltie Knight]

No.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

Absolutely not.

[Jack Vanek]

I can't believe people still have.

[Unknown]

Some teenagers are obsessed with it.

[Keltie Knight]

People definitely do.

[Becca Tobin]

I mean, yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

I mean, I had. I had Snapchat.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

I'm like, I probably still. I mean, I don't have the app, but I still have an account.

[Becca Tobin]

Oh.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

But I like. Yeah, I think I stopped Snapchatting like three or four years ago.

[Unknown]

I do Marco Polo now, which is like the same thing.

[Keltie Knight]

Totally adult. But Snapchat is like a little. It's a. It's a little sketchier because it all disappears.

[Jack Vanek]

Yes.

[Keltie Knight]

That's the whole point is just like. Is the disappearing of the photos and everything.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah. Why do you need to be doing.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah, it's just.

[Unknown]

It's.

[Keltie Knight]

I think it's just a little gross. It's just like someone is sexting way too often if they have Snapchat. Yeah, Sorry.

[Unknown]

Agreed.

[Becca Tobin]

And not with you.

[Keltie Knight]

And not with you.

[Becca Tobin]

Finally. Maybe this is a little personal for this person. They said being a general contractor.

[Unknown]

No, general contractors can make money.

[Jack Vanek]

A ton of money.

[Unknown]

That's what I'm saying too.

This sounds like someone who recently divorced.

[Becca Tobin]

And they're also around only men all day. Like, sweaty men. No, not really.

[Jack Vanek]

That's a probably agreement.

[Keltie Knight]

Someone who works with.

[Unknown]

I'm actually very, like, turned on by the thought of a general contractor.

Have you just seen the Work from Home video by Fifth Harmony?

No.

Sam Ascari is a general contractor.

Wow.

What a callback.

Like, so sexual. They're gonna have to go to work. But you gotta put in words.

You don't know how to go to work.

[Becca Tobin]

Work, work.

[Unknown]

Wait, Sam, he's the hot contractor that they're all like.

[Jack Vanek]

Is this after he was with.

[Keltie Knight]

No, it's got to be before.

[Unknown]

It was before he was in the Britney video, then he was in the work from home. And then Brittany started dating him.

[Keltie Knight]

What is he doing now?

[Unknown]

He was on Traitors.

[Keltie Knight]

Just like Donna Kelsey.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Keltie Knight]

They just really.

[Becca Tobin]

It's Anybody?

[Unknown]

Your boyfriend's mom is also going on reality television. Red flag. I think she's adorable. I think she's taking it too far. Let's dim the lights.

[Keltie Knight]

No, it's. It's time for her to step Out.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Of the limelight.

[Becca Tobin]

And she.

[Keltie Knight]

This is what we've said. Like, she's not even that, like, charismatic or engaging when she's, like, on tv.

[Becca Tobin]

No, she has a horrible personality.

[Keltie Knight]

Yes.

[Unknown]

She's the woman who crazy cries at your wedding. Like, because she somehow gets upset or sensitive about something. Like, she gets emotional. She's the mother in law that does that.

[Keltie Knight]

Oh, my God.

[Jack Vanek]

I. Wow.

[Unknown]

I didn't see that.

[Keltie Knight]

They're in love with their son. Back to.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

She.

[Unknown]

She would send her implants.

[Becca Tobin]

The pck.

[Unknown]

That story, if she is not already.

[Keltie Knight]

Poppy. Wow.

[Becca Tobin]

Poppy. Well, I think we've had some wise words for women. Thank you.

[Unknown]

Wise words for women. I also think we better trademark that.

Did you ever date guys in your 20s? Just before we go. This is important. That wouldn't. That don't go down on girls.

[Jack Vanek]

Oh.

[Becca Tobin]

Or.

[Keltie Knight]

Well, I mean, I think there were times where I was too nervous to.

[Unknown]

Like, are you see periods, like. Yeah, No, I agree with the period sex.

[Keltie Knight]

You don't want to have period sex.

[Jack Vanek]

I don't now. But, like, I thought it was like, when men are disgusted. No.

[Keltie Knight]

Oh, right. No, like, when men are disgusted, you're.

[Jack Vanek]

Like, wait, what am I talking about?

[Keltie Knight]

Period.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Keltie Knight]

That's gross.

[Jack Vanek]

And they.

[Keltie Knight]

Yeah, that's like that. Grow up.

[Unknown]

Up.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah, literally grow up.

[Jack Vanek]

It's like every woman has it every single month.

[Keltie Knight]

Like, see if he'll go to the. Go to CVS and buy you tampons. See if he'll do that.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But, like, there were a lot of guys just wouldn't go down on girls.

[Becca Tobin]

True.

[Unknown]

Right.

They're scared. They don't know.

[Keltie Knight]

They don't know.

[Unknown]

Or they had a bad experience.

[Keltie Knight]

But I think that's like. I think that's worth. You know, that doesn't happen. Maybe you don't like that. But if that doesn't happen, I think you should, you know, pay some more attention.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

You know, like.

[Jack Vanek]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Especially if you're going down on them.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Jack Vanek]

No, thank you.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Becca Tobin]

They should have a healthy appreciation for clitoris.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

The vagina.

[Keltie Knight]

100.

[Becca Tobin]

100.

[Keltie Knight]

Yes.

[Becca Tobin]

Well, I'm so happy that our mom and dad listen to this show.

[Keltie Knight]

Hey, Mom.

[Unknown]

Hi, Donna.

[Becca Tobin]

And we could offer these. These words for women. Kelsey, Jack, Becca, thank you guys so much for coming on. Thank you. You have a very exciting event coming up. Lady World, what are the dates?

[Unknown]

So Lady World festival is happening in Destin, Florida, September 26th to 28th. It is three days and three nights, millennial summer camp of your dreams. So during the day you get up, we're gonna do, like, beach fitness classes, like makeup classes. Learn how to do a lymph massage on your own face. Our presenting sponsor is Elf. Elf Beauty. You know, Becca's gonna teach you how to make a beaded necklace. We're gonna paint with Jack. I'm gonna do a manifesting class. There's meet and green greet, celebrity, all kinds of activations.

Or you can sit on the beach all day and ignore everyone.

[Jack Vanek]

Empty, drink or do whatever you want.

[Unknown]

It's the most beautiful water in the world. And then at night, we have some of our favorite podcasts and comedians like Hannah Burner, Stassi, Sheroeder, Chicks in the Office, Girls Gotta Eat, Lady Gang, Caitlin Bristow, Justin Sylvester, Rachel Lindsay, Gina Brillian. And then music. Go ahead, music.

[Jack Vanek]

Well, my husband's band is playing, obviously. They're called the Main. They're an emo band. And then we have pop 2K, which is a mashup of, like, all of your favorite boy bands ever. We have Chris Kirkpatrick from NSYNC, O Town, LFO, BB Mac, Ryan Cabrera, Mark McGrath.

[Unknown]

Insane.

[Keltie Knight]

Hell yeah.

[Unknown]

And don't worry that it's only Chris Kirkpatrick, because the O Town Boys play the other members of NSync, so you'll hear. We're just going to be outside under the stars.

How dare you say just.

No. Chris Kirkpatrick's amazing.

[Jack Vanek]

We actually love him.

[Unknown]

No, he's the best. Well, we love JC too. And we love Lance. We don't know Joey and we have thoughts on Justin, but any. Oh, God, we're gonna get canceled again. Anyway, we're so excited. And they sing all the NSYNC songs like it doesn't even matter that they're not all there. So this is like the NSYNC reunion. It's gonna be so fun. Tickets are available at LadyWorld co. It's 300 bucks for the whole weekend. All our activities, all those shows.

[Becca Tobin]

Wait, now I want to go.

[Keltie Knight]

You guys.

[Unknown]

We are definitely. You can put you up in a VIP tent.

[Becca Tobin]

Oh, my gosh.

[Unknown]

Maybe you can bring some of your listeners.

[Becca Tobin]

Yeah.

[Keltie Knight]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Is that weird?

[Keltie Knight]

You guys, let's meet at Lady World.

[Becca Tobin]

I mean, it sounds right up our alley. And so many of these podcasts we all love and listen to, so many great headliners. Activities. Lady World, Destin, Florida, December 26th through the 28th.

[Unknown]

Website to get tickets is ladyworld co.

[Becca Tobin]

Okay, let's all meet there. If you're listening, meet up in Destin.

[Keltie Knight]

Let's go.

[Unknown]

This is the most beautiful beach in the world. Like, I used to fly to French Park, Polynesia and all these places on vacation because I'm like, I love ocean like a Caribbean blue.

[Becca Tobin]

Blue.

[Unknown]

It has to be blue. I have to be able to see the bottom. And then we went on a site visit. Before we even decided to do this, we're like, let's just go check it out. And I was like, wait, hold on. This is like a $300 flight away.

[Becca Tobin]

Like, really?

[Unknown]

Why did I spend 34 hours, $10,000 going to French Polynesia? The water is. The beach is insane.

[Keltie Knight]

Okay, okay.

[Unknown]

White, white, white, white, white, white sand.

[Becca Tobin]

Wait, I'm sorry.

[Keltie Knight]

I mean, you're truly speaking our language. We're there.

[Becca Tobin]

We're there. Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening. And we'll be back next week.

[Keltie Knight]

Bye bye.

[Unknown]

Bye bye.

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