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Becca Tobin
Well, well, well. We are so excited because today we have a long awaited swap. We are joined by lady gang Kelty, Jack and Becca. You guys, thank you so much for joining Pop Apologists.
Keltie Knight
Thanks for having us.
Jack Vanek
We're so stoked.
Keltie Knight
Oh, big fans.
Becca Tobin
Oh, thank you so much. Well, we are huge fans and we are here today doing a public service because we have a lot of listeners who are seeing relationships, unfortunately, a lot of them with men.
Keltie Knight
Don't wish. Don't. Do not. You know, I don't recommend.
Jack Vanek
No.
Becca Tobin
And we are all married women. So we've been down this road which is filled with trials and tribulations and red flags a wise woman should be looking out for on her path.
Unknown
Yes.
Becca Tobin
So today we are going to be reviewing these red flags and discussing them. Opining.
Unknown
Great. I cannot wait there.
Jack Vanek
Endless.
Keltie Knight
Yeah, I can only speak for myself, but I have. You know, I'm gonna go on the go on the record, go on the air. I've dated some real losers.
Becca Tobin
Oh, please.
Jack Vanek
Millions.
Unknown
I could really name my roster and you would gasp all losers.
Keltie Knight
Basically, I tell you about my husband and so, you know, if my broken road can, you know, lead to some advice. Great.
Jack Vanek
You know, before we start, did either of you have to use the apps or have you been married or dating for a long time?
Becca Tobin
I met my husband on the apps. I did.
Jack Vanek
Which one?
Keltie Knight
My.
Becca Tobin
My only husband.
Keltie Knight
My first.
Becca Tobin
Oh, Bumble. Which one? The esteemed Bumble. Thank you, Whitney.
Keltie Knight
It's a cute thing though because you guys went to high school together. Oh, yes.
Becca Tobin
We graduated in the same high school class. But we did not know each other in high school because it's like a big public school, A thousand kids a class. So Lauren would wear high heels and.
Keltie Knight
Long strand pearls to high school.
Jack Vanek
I believe that makes sense.
Becca Tobin
Thank you, Chandler. I'm so happy you're going here today.
Keltie Knight
But anyway, and I feel like Kagan was just more of like a circle surfer sporty guy.
Becca Tobin
I had platinum hair. It was really hard to miss me. So he knew who that freak show was.
Unknown
That's so cute.
Becca Tobin
Oh, you know, it's the Gossip Girl era, so I wasn't exactly doing anything creative or original, but thank you. Oh my God.
Unknown
Well, the whole reason Lady Gang exists is because Jack and I, or partly Jack and I have a mutual ex boyfriend star. So we're actually the perfect people to have on for this. Yeah, that's how we know each other. That's how we know each other is we both dated the same guy.
And you should have known, both of you when he was wearing guy liner.
Jack Vanek
And they're a vest made of gray lines.
Keltie Knight
We have a long list here. Eyeliner is not on the list.
Unknown
Add it.
Becca Tobin
Literally.
Keltie Knight
Number 65 is eyeliner.
Becca Tobin
Not a red flag for Jack.
Jack Vanek
I'm emo. I'm an emo kid.
Unknown
Okay. Yeah.
Jack Vanek
I mean, I wouldn't date a guy that had current. Well, it depends on like what their vibe is. Are they a lead singer of a band then? Maybe.
Unknown
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
Did you guys meet on a Facebook group that's like, did you date this person?
Keltie Knight
No.
Unknown
I mean, it would be a big group if it was.
Becca Tobin
Did you sleep?
Keltie Knight
Like.
Unknown
Oh, you wouldn't have been in that one.
Jack Vanek
No, I wouldn't. I mean, the short. The short story is he. He was in a band. Okay.
Unknown
I dated him and I got the disco.
Jack Vanek
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Okay, so he was like famous.
Jack Vanek
I mean. Yeah, depending on.
Keltie Knight
Can we say. I mean, he was famous.
Unknown
Like he's famous. Like the way the guitar player is famous. Like you're not the front man.
Keltie Knight
Got it. No, but they're not the lead singer of Panic.
Becca Tobin
The.
Jack Vanek
Not the lead singer, but like the.
Unknown
The fandom was obsessed with.
Jack Vanek
Obsessed with both of them. Like they were kind of like both lead singers. His name was Ryan Ross. I dated him when I was like 18 for three months.
Becca Tobin
Okay.
Jack Vanek
But like it became the biggest thing on the Internet. Like that's how I got my like, start on the Internet.
Becca Tobin
Stop.
Jack Vanek
Cuz I was like blogging about like him breaking my heart and then slept.
Unknown
Her way to the top. Or you got finger.
I bang to the top.
Jack Vanek
I got finger bang to the top. And then Kelty dated him a couple years after me, but she was stalking me because she was like obsessed with him. So like.
Becca Tobin
Yes, you're the ex living rent.
Keltie Knight
God.
Unknown
Remember getting so obsessed with the girls that your boyfriend used to date.
Keltie Knight
Literally obsessed. I probably remembered their names better than my own ex boyfriend.
Unknown
Same.
Keltie Knight
You know, and then you end up.
Jack Vanek
Like accidentally liking a photo from five years ago when they're in Barcelona.
Unknown
Well then you end up accidentally liking them as a person. And you're like, wait, it was him. We're great.
Yeah.
So thoughtful, so lovely, so pretty.
Jack Vanek
Oh, thank you.
Unknown
Hard working both of us, I'm saying.
Becca Tobin
Both of us comparing notes on the finger banging, you know?
Unknown
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Yeah. So that's. Anyway, no, I have today truly perfect people. Any red flags you want to talk about? You know, when it comes to rr, the cheating, probably.
Unknown
Probably like this straight up, I think, like the calling me to like say goodnight when we're different Cities. But, like, you were in a closet in a club. And then, like, someone was like, dude, you can't be in here. And I'm like, I thought you were home, but, like, you were actually out with someone else. Like, that is, you know, when you walked. I don't know if this ever happened to you guys, but, like, I have this one memory of walking in. We lived in different cities. I was in New York at the time, and he was all over the place. And I walked into, like, a store, music studio or something, and it was like, all the band and all their friends and all the girlfriends. And, like, when I arrived from, like, the plane I traveled in, like, everyone was just. Like, the awkwardness was there. And I was like, I'm. Now I'm like, oh. Everyone was really tired. And then now I'm like, oh, his other girlfriend must have just left. And, like, no one can look me in the eye.
Keltie Knight
Everybody knew.
Unknown
Everyone knew but me. God, I'm so dumb.
Girls in their 20s, we're dumb.
Keltie Knight
But also, it's like, I don't know if he's in a band. You'll kind of do anything. I don't know. Yeah, I would love to have someone, you know from a band. I mean, I'm married to one and literally. Yeah, it worked out.
Jack Vanek
Yeah, I wouldn't do anything.
Becca Tobin
What do you mean?
Jack Vanek
I mean, I guess I did. It's hard. Musicians are hot.
Keltie Knight
They are.
Unknown
Where is he now?
Becca Tobin
Like, I'm curious. What happens to these guys who we would just be obsessed with when we're 18? Especially, like, I dated a guy who was in a band, but it played at the local honky tonk.
Unknown
It wasn't like, doesn't matter. It's the same rizz.
Becca Tobin
Yeah, it is.
Keltie Knight
The rizz is universal.
Becca Tobin
I would agree it's an electrifying rizz when you're 18. But I'm imagining that as the years pass on, even for someone maybe who's in panic at the disco, the lights fade a little bit.
Jack Vanek
Yeah, well, yeah, he's not in the band anymore. They're still playing shows, like, massive shows.
Unknown
But the lights don't always fade. Cause I'll tell you this. We had just recently had Mark McGrath on the Lady Gang podcast, and he's playing Our Lady World Festival.
And I don't like that you're comparing our beloved Mark McGrath to Ryan Ross. Okay? Mark McGrath was a household name. Is a household name, and is an icon. An icon.
Becca Tobin
Okay?
Unknown
So how dare you. But, like, Mark McGrath, I still was like, are you, like, you have the Riz.
Keltie Knight
Like, no one, really. This is Sugar Ray, right?
Unknown
Yeah. Yes.
Keltie Knight
I mean, I have a big heart on for Sugar Ray.
Unknown
Yes.
Keltie Knight
He's like 62. I think he's like 52.
Jack Vanek
I think I just made up.
Unknown
You made this up?
Jack Vanek
No, I'm going to look.
Keltie Knight
I'm going to look it up.
Unknown
But he is hot and has the Riz. So, like, I think it goes one or two ways. Like, I think that they either have the Riz forever, but like, in the case of our mutual ex boyfriend, he's 57.
Keltie Knight
Okay, 62.
Unknown
He's 89.
I was like, exactly. That was a real, real culty move.
Jack Vanek
Yeah.
Unknown
Like making up a fact and like, a fact.
Jack Vanek
Why would I know that?
Unknown
I think sometimes, like, I love to check up in an ex boyfriend because as the years pass, I'm only starting to crack and fail now. But, like, I really stayed hot for like 20 years after this breakup. You know what I mean? Like, I stayed winning.
Becca Tobin
Absolutely.
Unknown
So it's like, you know, I like to check up on them to be like, what are you doing now? Like, one of my ex boyfriends that I really loved is like a pickleball teacher and lives in a van in Mexico. And I'm like, you're still super hot.
Jack Vanek
But like, that sounds so nice.
Unknown
It sounds really.
Honestly, I'm like, wait, was he right all along?
Jack Vanek
He's literally free.
Keltie Knight
You know, honestly, he probably has, like, way less mental illness than like, all of us.
Becca Tobin
Seriously, I'm actually gonna go out on a limb and say someone who lives in a van, that's a red flag. And you might be mentally free, but not in a way you would enjoy on a daily basis.
Unknown
Listen, like, I want the van to be like, something we park in our multi million dollar house driveway and we use on the weekends to like, get good with the earth.
Jack Vanek
You want like an adventure van, like.
Becca Tobin
A luxury Airstream for the wig to get to the. The lodge at Big sur for like.
Keltie Knight
24 hour stints at most. Agreed.
Unknown
Like in between bowel movements.
Becca Tobin
Precisely. Okay, we have some. We have some listener red flags we should run through the first. I'm curious if you guys agree. I'm gonna say staunch red flag, cargo shorts, no pockets. You know, from, from the waist down. We want no pockets.
Unknown
I would have to agree. Although. Although.
Keltie Knight
Although.
Unknown
Cargo pant and short. Do you think it's the same?
Becca Tobin
A cargo pant, to use Chandler's phrase, gives me a hard on.
Keltie Knight
Right.
Becca Tobin
Thank you.
Jack Vanek
I was gonna say a cargo pant is hot.
Unknown
You know, so hot. So Gwyneth Paltrow's husband, Brad Felchuck, our Roman Empire. So he was the creator of Glee, one of the creators of Glee. So I got to look at that hot man every day. The man always wore a cargo pant.
Keltie Knight
Can you say more about him?
Becca Tobin
Oh, my God.
Keltie Knight
Because we've never had a Brad Falchuk, you know, one degree of separate, like, so. Please. We actually like his Instagram. Captions for Gwyneth Paltrow are like our holy word, like our Bible.
Unknown
They are so goals and so genuine. He's such a nice guy. Like, such a nice guy. I never saw him be an asshole once. And hot.
Becca Tobin
Do you think her going on Glee sparked what happened? What. What is occurring now and potentially began pre the divorce with Karis?
Unknown
No, I think it was a genuine friendship.
Keltie Knight
Okay.
Unknown
And I think that, like, you know, he. Well, it definitely sparked an interest for her because he's, like, the creator of this massive show, whereas before. And the hair is great, and my.
Keltie Knight
Eyes are starting to glaze up, like. Yeah.
Jack Vanek
Anyway, yeah.
Unknown
He'S like, a very, like, New England hot vibe, but, like, you know, he was, like, in this era and still is, obviously, but, like, he was on top of the mountain. He created this, like, massive show. She was coming in as an actress on the show, so there's like, that power dynamic. Like, she could only have been ended up with somebody who. I think women who go from, like, the frontman of a band, if they move into a second marriage, it's always like, the most powerful, strong, silent type that's behind the scenes. And I think that he's, like, the perfect example of that. Like, he's just the perfect package like that.
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Speaking of Brad Falchuk, like, we talk a lot about his perfect social media usage for her, where it's like, basically his Instagram is just like, you know, a shrine to her. Yeah. And I think that that's the way men should do social media. I think if you're. And I think this is a red flag if your man or if a guy you're interested in is way too active on social media. Disgusting. If he has ever posted a real.
Jack Vanek
It's.
Keltie Knight
It's a real.
Unknown
A real red flag.
Keltie Knight
Red flag.
Unknown
Real red flag.
Keltie Knight
Guaranteed.
Becca Tobin
He sells a course online.
Unknown
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
If he's posting reals.
Unknown
Yes. Yes.
Keltie Knight
I feel like, why.
Jack Vanek
Why else would you be talking to the camera?
Becca Tobin
Literally?
Jack Vanek
Why are you trying to sell your life?
Unknown
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Why are you hitting record on that front facing camera?
Unknown
Like, that's embarrassing.
Jack Vanek
Selfies.
Becca Tobin
Red flag.
Unknown
It's so true. You could almost see the demise of Kaitlyn Bristow and Jason Tarte.
Jack Vanek
Oh, my God.
Unknown
By his social media usage going up.
Jack Vanek
Yes.
Unknown
And her. Her ick level went up as his social media went up.
Jack Vanek
That man loves a front facing reel.
Unknown
Loves a reel.
Becca Tobin
No. And it dovetails perfectly with also a single selfie on social media. It's just. It's over. We're done.
Keltie Knight
We're done.
Becca Tobin
A gym picture.
Jack Vanek
I feel like selfies in general are kind of done, like, so for me.
Keltie Knight
Especially on the grid, I would say.
Becca Tobin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think selfies in general are done for all. All people?
Jack Vanek
I haven't taken a selfie. I feel like you're taking a selfie.
Unknown
If I have. If I've had somebody put on, like a beautiful face of makeup on me, like, if I have good glam, that's why I do it to like, like, showcase somebody's work.
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
I mean, I'll be like, I'm still taking selfies.
Becca Tobin
I do it to showcase my own. My own self, but for other people to see.
Keltie Knight
But I'm not hard posting them.
Unknown
I would say, you know, the most embarrassing thing is we're like, ooh, selfies cringe. But is it better that I travel with a full tripod that I can then put my. Like, at the Met Gala this year, I loved my dress so much, but I didn't have anyone with me. So I'm in the hotel lobby wearing my gown, full glam, with a tripod and a lighting rig and my cell phone, like, making video and, like, doing my photos myself. And, like, that's more embarrassing. I should just took a selfie.
Becca Tobin
No, what I see is a woman at work. Okay. I see a woman making money. I see a man.
Jack Vanek
Thank you.
Keltie Knight
It's. It's all of our jobs.
Becca Tobin
Absolutely.
Keltie Knight
But if your man, if your man owns a light, any kind of lighting.
Unknown
Situation, unless he's a professional photographer, videographer, I cringe when I see. Sorry, this is a total tangent, but there's women I follow on Instagram and they're like fashion girls and they live in the city and they, like, will prop their phone up on like, some random wall or storefront, and then they'll be like, okay, so today. And they're like. You can tell. They're, like, trying to be like the people around them, but they're also feeling a little bit of shame and they're not fully owning it. And then they, like, run and curry over to the camera and, like, turn it off. I'm like. Or Just don't do that. Or do it in your apartment. You know, we don't need the city background.
Or bring a tripod.
Keltie Knight
Or bring a tripod.
Unknown
I'm working. You have a real job. Cool. I just made five grand showing these shoes.
Becca Tobin
I know.
Jack Vanek
It is true. It's like you're laughing all the way to the bank.
Unknown
Yeah, those girls.
Keltie Knight
I have done that type of video twice. I've done it on my street. And every single time I've wanted to completely evaporate after I've done it because somebody will pass by me and I'm just like, can you imagine? They know that I live here. Like, why am I doing this? Yeah, you can tell how uncomfortable I am every time I film them.
Unknown
That's why.
Keltie Knight
Like, they barely seen the light of day.
Unknown
Would there be anything more embarrassing than an ex finding you in that situation?
Jack Vanek
Like, crossing the street?
Unknown
No, like, if he was, like, walking past Chandler, literally, and he saw her filming like that.
Keltie Knight
Something I lose sleep over all the time is that I will never look mysterious to my exes now because I have this business because we do this, like, agreed. They can know everything about me. Their ex, girlfriend. Their girlfriend can listen to me. Their girlfriend can see my reels that go up, that get like, two likes. Like, she's winning. I know she's winning.
Unknown
Yeah, for sure.
Jack Vanek
Because she has mystery.
Keltie Knight
Yes, she's mystery. Like, I have shared every. I've forgotten, like, half the things that I've shared. It's really.
Jack Vanek
I kind of like it because I'm like, I'm giving you so much, like, content to stock.
Keltie Knight
I need to look like you could.
Jack Vanek
Be doing this forever.
Unknown
Do you ever look at your shares on stories and think, like, oh, 80% of these shares are because people are.
Becca Tobin
Like, my favorite is when they share it to you, actually accidentally. And they're like, okay. When we were first starting out, I was looking for part time help for the show. And anyway, I was like, you know, looking for someone for part time assisting. And someone's like, probably is gonna pay $9 an hour to me.
Jack Vanek
Was this somebody you knew?
Becca Tobin
No, just a random listener.
Unknown
Like, hey, I would like to talk to you about this $9 position.
Jack Vanek
I'll pay you 10.
Unknown
But also, I can't hate on it because I do it constantly.
Jack Vanek
I do it and that's. No, but what you have to do is you have to send it and then check right away to make sure.
Keltie Knight
I didn't accidentally go to the person.
Unknown
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Keltie Knight
And if you're not in love, you.
Unknown
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Hi, I'm Adam Rippon and this is Intrusive Thoughts, the podcast where I finally say the stuff out loud that's been living rent free in my head for years. From dumb decisions to awkward moments I probably should have kept to myself. Nothing's off limits. Yes, I'm talking about the time I lost my phone mid flight and still haven't truly emotionally recovered from that. There might be too many sound effects. I've been told to chill. Will I Unclear, but if you've ever laid awake at night cringing at something you said five years ago, congratulations. You found your people. Intrusive Thoughts with Adam Rippon is available now. Wherever you get your podcast.
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Keltie Knight
Let's talk about, you know, let's talk about the apartment decor that you're that your prospective partner might have. Yeah, like I think that, you know, I think, ladies, it's time to put the bar a little higher. And there needs to be a bed frame.
Becca Tobin
A bed frame is perfect.
Keltie Knight
There needs to be a nightstand, and there needs to be a dresser. Those three pieces of furniture are a must.
Becca Tobin
And.
Keltie Knight
And maybe a couch.
Becca Tobin
And no furniture can be inflatable. Like, does he need to rinse something off once he's done with you? And I mean, like, that sounds like a murder, not like a fun time.
Unknown
Or a bean bag. Get your fucking bean bags out of there.
Keltie Knight
Bean bag out of there.
Jack Vanek
I mean, the mattress on the floor is definitely massive. Massive. Red flag.
Becca Tobin
He's not Steve Jobs, okay? He's not just zen creating Apple. No, he. He needs to get his ass to Ikea and grow up.
Unknown
Yeah, but I kind of want, like, when I go in for the furniture to be not great.
Becca Tobin
Okay.
Unknown
Like, I want.
Keltie Knight
Because you don't want.
Jack Vanek
It's not. It's that thing somebody has cooked here. It's like, you don't want somebody that's cooked there. You want to be able to meld them, change you.
Unknown
Because I know friends. Like, I've had friends marry and get with guys that had, like, their whole life together and, like, had too strong of an opinion.
Yes, exactly.
Because when I take you to West Elm, we're getting what I want. Like, you're not gonna fight me on the cutlery we're getting for our house or the couch. Like, I don't want to fight with you.
Yeah.
Like, it's gonna be my look, my design, and you're gonna love it. So I was happy when I met my husband, and he had full furniture, a full set that he had gone and paid for, but it was ugly. And I was like, I will take this money and I will change everything about you. But I love that you have drawers.
Yes.
Keltie Knight
Green flag. That is a green flag. I mean, like, I want to be the one bringing aesthetic to the table.
Jack Vanek
Yes.
Unknown
But I did get the ick.
When I lived in New York, I was dating this guy, very successful, did very handsome, lived in a beautiful apartment, and I went back to his place for the very first time. I was like, oh, it's so on. We're going to make out. And I was like, oh, can I use your restroom? It's like a two bed, two bathroom. And he's like, yeah. He's like, go in the one in my room, though, because I forget the cat's name.
Jack Vanek
Oh, cat. Red flag.
Keltie Knight
Yeah.
Unknown
But even more so, the. The guest. The powder bathroom was like litter box, cat crawly thingy. So it was like the cat's room.
Jack Vanek
Oh, my God.
Keltie Knight
It was like, carpet things.
Unknown
Yes. Everything. And it was, like, disgusting. And the rest of the apartment was so nice that I was like. I couldn't. I actually couldn't continue the evening.
Keltie Knight
No.
Unknown
And it was done forever after you left. I, like, made out with him, and I kept thinking about the fucking carpet crawler and the litter box. And I. I had the ick from then on out, and I was obsessed with this person.
Keltie Knight
Like, man with a dog. So cute. Man with a cat.
Unknown
Not jail.
Becca Tobin
Weird.
Jack Vanek
I thought you were gonna say that you're gonna go into the bathroom and there was gonna be women's, like, product. Because that is also sketchy. Sketchy as it's like women's shampoo and conditioner.
Unknown
Mom got it for you at home goods.
No, Mom. If you're at this age, mom shouldn't even be buying you anything.
Becca Tobin
No, no. Yeah. Mom should have no. No place in what you eat, how your clothes get clean, how you, you know, pay your bills. Mom should also not be. There should not be chatter every day. You know, it should just be a. A respectful, nice relationship.
Keltie Knight
It's a fine line with mom's kids because it's like, you want someone who's. Has a good relationship with their mom, you know, or hopefully are, you know?
Unknown
Yeah, good.
Keltie Knight
But you do not want someone who has a great relationship with their mom.
Unknown
I dated a monster whose mom got her boobs done.
Jack Vanek
Okay, Her.
Unknown
Whose mom what got her boobs done? And she was sending him pictures not of the full titty, but like. Of, like, the. Titty in a bra Swear.
Keltie Knight
Titty in a bra.
Unknown
Titty in a bra To.
Keltie Knight
To the sun.
Unknown
Yeah. Look poppy. Look what I got. Like, literally, look poppy. Yeah, they were Puerto Rican.
Keltie Knight
Oh, wow. I'm having trouble computing that because that is.
Unknown
It was wild. It was wild.
Jack Vanek
Very inappropriate.
Becca Tobin
Yeah.
Unknown
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
And are you. You were dating at the time when you got these. And what is he responding with?
Becca Tobin
Yeah, what's he saying? Like.
Unknown
Like, my mom's so beautiful. I mean, he worshiped his mother. And that was another red flag because you're like. It's like the fine line.
Keltie Knight
Yes.
Unknown
And I just felt like you're her second husband.
Yes.
Keltie Knight
It's kind of like if a guy thinks that his mom is so cute or would, like, so hot or. But it's like a girl who thinks that their dad is really hot. Like, you know what I'm talking about? A girl who always posts, like, on Father's Day, like, a photo of their dad where they look Jenny Mullen is.
Unknown
The only person who can get away with. I love harassing her father. Like sexually harassing her father.
Keltie Knight
Jenny Mullen gets a pass and for everything. For everything, all of it. But yeah.
Becca Tobin
Back to apartment furniture. This is a good one. Has a gaming chair, but no dining chairs. That's a huge red flag.
Unknown
Disgusting.
Jack Vanek
As a person married to a gamer.
Unknown
Wait, Jared has a gaming chair?
Jack Vanek
Yeah, I mean it's his work. He works at his station as well, but he also games from his station. He has an office now. We just bought a house. So he has his like his own.
Keltie Knight
Office room that he.
Jack Vanek
It's the only place that he can do anything. Like the walls are black. Like I'm like, do whatever you want in there. But yeah, there's a gaming chair. But we do have a nice dining.
Unknown
Set up as well.
Keltie Knight
But you have to have both, you know. Also in defense of the gaming chair, I will say, you know, this is a person who wants to have good back support as they sit for hours and hours. Like they're, you know, they don't want to.
Becca Tobin
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Hurt themselves.
Jack Vanek
Also gamers, if you're doing a professional gaming, they make so much fucking money it's insane.
Keltie Knight
It's true, it's true.
Jack Vanek
Depends on how big they are on Twitch, you know.
Becca Tobin
Okay, yeah, a Twitch streamer that's making millions a month. We can overlook the gaming chair. He can have a gaming chair.
Jack Vanek
Like he can have a gaming chair.
Keltie Knight
If your gamer is successful, great. If he is aspiring, I'm gonna say no.
Jack Vanek
Yeah, it's a right timer bracket.
Unknown
Can get you out of a lot of literally anything. Like, honestly, it's like you're living in.
Jack Vanek
A van like a billionaire.
Becca Tobin
Okay.
Unknown
Yeah, yeah.
Keltie Knight
Okay, here's another big one.
Unknown
And I think this is, this is.
Keltie Knight
One where people can literally, you can go on their Instagram and you can find this out and if you see this, do not even go on a first date.
Jack Vanek
Okay.
Keltie Knight
If he is following a bunch of thoughties on Instagram, if he. If Instagram is also porn basically for this person, no thank you. Disgusting.
Jack Vanek
Bigger red flag if they're commenting.
Becca Tobin
I mean, okay, so I was dating a guy in Southern California before I met my husband. And of course I looked at every single person he followed. Of course. And there were a lot of 22 year old onlyfans entrepreneurs that he followed. One was sweet Emma. And I continue to be obsessed I over the sky for, I don't know, a solid three more months.
Unknown
She's looking up Sweet Emma.
Keltie Knight
Yeah, let's look her up. I hope she's gotten her bag by now.
Becca Tobin
Yeah, I hope sweet Emma is making more than I do prostituting myself on this podcast. But anyway, yeah, I think that a lot of these are lessons I've learned in the past the hard way.
Unknown
What's awkward is when my friend's current husbands. I'll be on a girl's Instagram. This just happened last week. There's a makeup artist that was doing my makeup and she asked me if I knew this girl cuz her now brother in law's dating this thy. Which I love. I love that you are bringing that term. And I was like, oh God, I do remember her growth. She made out with my boyfriend back in the day like just a tramp. So I go to her Instagram and I start looking and I see one of my friend's husbands is like liking all our photos. They don't live in the same city, never have. They certainly don't know each other. And his wife is not following this woman. And I'm like, do I send this to my friend?
Keltie Knight
Literally.
Jack Vanek
It's weird.
Keltie Knight
It's weird. And I like if there are any men listening, just like clean up that side of your business. Because it is just a. It's a bad look. Like I'm not gonna shame anybody for whatever.
Becca Tobin
Get a fucking finsta. Literally.
Keltie Knight
Get a fucking or up.
Unknown
Better yet, just don't follow them. And if you feel horny, you want to take a look, search their name. Just take a quick peek.
Keltie Knight
Take it.
Jack Vanek
Yeah, but then, then they're like explore page is all.
Keltie Knight
That's another thing we. We've said on this podcast many times by his explosion explore Page, you shall know him.
Unknown
Oh, like the Bible 100 and us, unfortunately.
Jack Vanek
What?
Unknown
Like they know us from our explorer?
Yeah, that's. Yes.
Becca Tobin
That's just beauty procedures.
Jack Vanek
It's like every single facelift that there.
Keltie Knight
Could be, you know, it's better though than just tits.
Unknown
I was true.
Keltie Knight
I was on the subway last year and there was a guy next to me who was just swiping and it was just tit ass, tit. Like it was just. And I like I hadn't. I just felt something come over me and I was just like staring at him like I was just like, you are disgusting. Yeah, like do that on your own time. Privately. Anyway.
Unknown
Men are the worst.
Jack Vanek
Yes.
Becca Tobin
Another one. His job in this self labeled is an entrepreneur. I think that this is something to really be wary of. Let's discuss why because I think it means no job. I think it means unemployed. I Think, you know, it's. It's kind of like we can all be a CEO of a lemonade stand.
Keltie Knight
Right?
Becca Tobin
Let's see the proof in the pudding. Before we title ourselves entrepreneur, we are watching Shark Tank.
Unknown
I was just gonna say, unless you're a guest judge on Shark Tank, you can't call yourself an entrepreneur.
Becca Tobin
Thank you.
Unknown
Thank you.
Jack Vanek
Yeah, I'm like, even if your business is successful, you're probably still in $500,000 worth of debt. Like, it's.
Keltie Knight
It's rough out there.
Unknown
Yeah, I think it's a bummer.
Jack Vanek
Also, like a slash. Like, if you're a slash. If you're an actor slash model, slash photographer, those are pretty rough.
Unknown
That is me.
Becca Tobin
That's also me.
Jack Vanek
Oh, my God. When I meet people like, what are you doing? I'm like, I have a podcast.
Keltie Knight
If he has a podcast, I know that's red flag.
Unknown
I have a hot five. No. Club promoters, DJs, professional athletes, actors, or probably musicians. Musicians.
Yeah. Yeah.
Keltie Knight
I think that's smart.
Unknown
I think a hot five.
Keltie Knight
And you know what? You can avoid those types. You know you can.
Becca Tobin
That's a 100% of those men will cheat on you.
Keltie Knight
100.
Becca Tobin
Right.
Unknown
Y.
But for the right price.
Jack Vanek
Once again, for the right price.
Becca Tobin
I mean, yeah, for the right price and no prenup.
Keltie Knight
Back to the entrepreneur thing. And I think this. This was an interesting. We asked for red flags and green flags from our audience, and somebody said, a green flag is a guy who doesn't drive a super nice car. Like, a guy. And this person said, you know, they have, like. I think they're also saying that they have, like, a good job, but they don't drive a super nice car because that doesn't matter to them.
Jack Vanek
Flashy.
Keltie Knight
I like that they have a strong sense of self.
Unknown
I like that.
Keltie Knight
You know?
Jack Vanek
Well, Larry David was driving. I don't know, he probably still does, but drove a Prius for, like, the longest time.
Unknown
And I'm like, I'm not turned on by cars at all.
Keltie Knight
Like, I'm not either.
Becca Tobin
Yeah.
Unknown
And I. What happens to me is when I see someone that has a ridiculous car, honestly, this is like a red green flag for a life. When I see someone has a super nice car, I'm always like, oh, that lease. Like, my mind goes right to, like, the financials of it. I'm like, okay, well, that lease is like 500, $600 a month. If you put that in the stock.
Jack Vanek
Market cheap now and all, you can't get, like, any car for less than that now.
Unknown
Yeah, really, Like a really nice car lease is like three grand a month.
Really?
They're really nice. Like a G wagon. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Jack Vanek
Oh.
Unknown
So no, but if it's somebody super wealthy, it's like, it's all, well, they.
Can have car, whatever, I guess. Whatever they want. But it's like I just sometimes when I see that, I'm like, you're too responsible. I mean, I'm too responsible.
Keltie Knight
Yeah. I think, I think if you were leasing a nice.
Unknown
Get a better house.
Becca Tobin
If you.
Keltie Knight
Right.
Unknown
And cars. I just don't care about a car.
Becca Tobin
I think if there's like a crazy hot matrix men talk about for women, I think there's like a watch car abode matrix that women need to look out with for men. Right. Like the watch needs to fit the home.
Keltie Knight
Right.
Becca Tobin
The car needs to fit the home.
Unknown
Yeah.
Jack Vanek
You know, if appropriateness.
Becca Tobin
Yeah, exactly.
Keltie Knight
If you're leasing a BMW or what, are you releasing a super nice car but you do not yet live somewhere that really makes sense with that.
Jack Vanek
Like, that's literally L. A in a nutshell.
Unknown
Yeah. Like, my friend at work is like, oh, I'm thinking about getting this car, car. And I was like, I like, you're renting the worst apartment. And I was like, you don't need a BMW. I was like, go get a Honda Civic. It'll never break down.
Keltie Knight
Right.
Unknown
It's gonna get sideswiped at the Trader Joe's parking lot anyway. Like, you're fine.
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
That is the nice thing about New York is that there's not this like car identity thing.
Unknown
But then it's kind of scary. It's kind of like when you live in cold weather with a guy and you meet him in winter and then you go to the beach and you realize he's a flip flop wearing like tropical shirt person cargo shorts.
Keltie Knight
Shorts.
Unknown
That's. That has happened to me. I feel like if you take somebody out of their element. This actually happened when I dated a guitar player who wore guyliner. It was all very hot. When you'd go to the, you know.
Keltie Knight
Club when the sun is down.
Unknown
Yeah, the sun is down and you're like running around Vegas and then you're out in the open, like in la, grabbing a coffee. It's a real bummer.
That used to happen all the time with our mutual ex boyfriend. We're going on these amazing trips to Hawaii and stuff. And then I was like, you really only make sense in one part of the world. You're wearing the skinny pale self on the beach in Hawaii.
Jack Vanek
Is not like you as a normie is not translating the normalness of you.
Unknown
Like you're only good on stage.
Becca Tobin
Yeah, yeah, it's true.
Unknown
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Keltie Knight
And even just working from home.
Unknown
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Becca Tobin
She's very esteemed. Forbes 30 under 30 has a very impressive company. She's a CEO, she's a tycoon, she sits on boards or whatever. She has a lot going on in her brain.
Unknown
Why is she friends with you?
Becca Tobin
That is honestly the million dollar question. But I have to tell you, I got a text from her husband the other day and he said thank you so much for recommending Early Bird cbd. She has honestly been able to just chill out a little bit. So much more. She takes half a gummy and it has been life changing for her. We cannot swear by Early Bird CBD gummies more in our households.
Unknown
They are the only gummies that I reach for.
Becca Tobin
They help you in the middle of the night. Just get back to sleep. If you want to enjoy a show more, a delicious meal, melt into that pillow of yours, you guys. Early birds cbd.com use code POPAPOLOGIST for 20% off. You will not regret it. And a bottle lasts a long time. That's early birdcbd.com use code popapologist for 20% off. I'm gonna say also in the vein of the sartorial presentations. When a man insists on bringing his mountaineering aesthetic into it's like we're good on the arc' teryx jacket at dinner. Like we're good. We get it. You can Climb.
Keltie Knight
Congrats.
Becca Tobin
Like, it's. I don't hate it. You don't hate it?
Jack Vanek
No.
Keltie Knight
Well, I like Gorpcore. No, it really fits in the most.
Unknown
This is a guy like. This is like Luke from the Valley.
Yes.
The doomsday prepper, even. He has transitioned his wardrobe into reality tv, which I really appreciate.
And he's still wearing his.
Becca Tobin
The Patagonias on.
Unknown
Not ironically.
Jack Vanek
Okay.
Keltie Knight
You know, not. Not like, I'm into, like, fashion. Not as a fashion statement. It's like. Well, it could, you know, I need to be wearing this waterproof, you know, 40 below jacket in case, like, you know, we're at Chick Fil A and it gets cold.
Jack Vanek
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
And in that same vein, I would say being an outdoorsman is not a substitute for a personality. For an income.
Unknown
Yes.
Becca Tobin
For, you know, an identity.
Unknown
Really?
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
It can be a minor part of your life, but let's not have it consume everything we do.
Keltie Knight
If that's the only type of vacation they want to do, is like an outdoorsy vacation.
Becca Tobin
I once had a boyfriend tell me that I didn't put. Push him enough. As an outdoorsman.
Unknown
No.
Keltie Knight
Oh.
Jack Vanek
Why is that your responsibility?
Becca Tobin
This was. This was a complaint he had. So he was an avid climber. Rip mat. And what's a grip mat?
Keltie Knight
Rip. Rip. Rip. What does that mean? Oh, Rip mat.
Unknown
His name is Matt. He died.
Becca Tobin
No, he. He died in my heart.
Jack Vanek
I got him, like, this is so dark. I was like.
Becca Tobin
Oh, my God. Yeah. Now he's no longer with us because I didn't push him in if he's not drawers. But no, I mean, I. You know, of course, as women do, I just became everything he wanted. So I spent all weekends doing what he wanted. Climbing. All the things. My interests were shallow because it was reality TV and fun stuff.
Keltie Knight
You went camping with him every single weekend that you were dating. So you were pushing him, in my opinion.
Becca Tobin
Yeah. And we would go. We would go, like, camping. The type of camping where you just sleep on a tarp. No tent, because you're trying to. Not with those curls. No. Wait.
Jack Vanek
I can't believe you did this.
Becca Tobin
Oh, I. I was. I was desperate for some. Were you having that.
Unknown
Were you having that hairstyle?
Becca Tobin
Good D. I wish. Because this is the only hairstyle I.
Jack Vanek
Think I look pretty with.
Becca Tobin
It did. And I didn't wear that watch. No, I did not have this watch 10 years ago.
Unknown
Where is he now?
Becca Tobin
I think he's outside.
Jack Vanek
He's literally camping.
Becca Tobin
He's still at the canyon. No, I remember he had this you know, there was a meltdown that occurred because maybe I shouldn't get into it, but I just. I didn't want to do the second canyon. So we would be going back in the dark, you know, and then there was kind of a talk like, hey, like, I, you know, you, like, you don't push me enough to really.
Unknown
To die in a canyon. Matt.
Becca Tobin
This. Good luck. The stupid shit I was doing dating in my early 20s, I just. I didn't need to do any of that. And there was a lot. There are a lot of girls likewise desperate.
Keltie Knight
Like, I was.
Unknown
Who are that person?
Keltie Knight
And I think you, like, equate that with, like, he's cool. Like, I think all the things that I used to think were cool, like being super crazy outdoorsy, you know, being, like, so anti material like, things or like, someone who just, like, only cared about indie music. Like, I thought those would be, like, the ticket to meeting a good guy. Not true. I will.
Becca Tobin
Not true. And I will say in the same vein, a guy who resents the modern economy. This is the world we live in. If you hate capitalism, it's not gonna work between the two of us. Because I need you to be good at capitalism.
Jack Vanek
This is the reality we learned.
Becca Tobin
This is just a brutal, harsh reality. I don't need you to dismantle all of the way the world is set up. We don't have long enough in this life for that to work out.
Unknown
No. Gross.
I honestly want that on a poster.
Becca Tobin
Right?
Unknown
That should be all these things. Like, get someone who's kind and nice and like, whatever is on time. Like, number one should actually be that.
Keltie Knight
Yeah.
Jack Vanek
Being cheap is like my biggest red flag of anybody.
Unknown
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
This the second mountaineering guy.
Unknown
This is incredible.
Becca Tobin
We split every meal, like, every car. Both cars went down for everything. And I finally said to him, she's like, it's a little embarrassing. I feel like, can we just switch off?
Keltie Knight
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
And he said, no, because then it will never be truly equal.
Jack Vanek
No. People that nickel and dime like that, they always end up screwing themselves over.
Unknown
Because it's going to jail.
Jack Vanek
But, like, if you're trying to, like, make it, like, even by every single penny, it's like, I'm sure you're a generous person. You're like, I probably would have actually ended up paying more than you for sure. Now, since you're going to, like to.
Becca Tobin
Not lose my dignity at Starbucks, you know, because it's embarrassing.
Unknown
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
So embarrassing. Woman.
Unknown
People's Venmo transactions I do have. Because it's like, people that are Just in your contacts, in your phone. I do have an ex boyfriend who's now currently married. Like, he shows up because he doesn't realize you can make your transactions private. And he and his wife are constantly sending each other venmos, like, for dinner, utilities, blah, blah, blah.
Keltie Knight
He or she is, like, paying the spouse, like, for things that they.
Unknown
They're, like, paying each other back and forth or, like, life stuff.
Becca Tobin
Yeah. Especially if you have two kids with someone like that. That is.
Unknown
It's weird.
Becca Tobin
It's one household, one account.
Keltie Knight
One account.
Unknown
Yeah.
A good prenup. You're good.
Jack Vanek
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Truly.
Unknown
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
Anyway, just words for women. Chandler. What. What other red flags.
Unknown
Words for women.
Keltie Knight
I. I want to talk a little bit about potential texting behavior. Like, what are we gleaning from the way that they text?
Becca Tobin
This was you dating Chandler was the worst. She won with.
Keltie Knight
So not ready.
Becca Tobin
Chandler wanted someone who was always gonna be, like, texting super funny things all the time.
Jack Vanek
Funny.
Keltie Knight
I needed someone. I. I used to think that that would equate to, like, an amazing personality is if they were, like, their texting game was on.
Becca Tobin
Yeah.
Jack Vanek
I was like that too.
Unknown
Yeah.
Jack Vanek
Because I was also the type of person that, like, I'd match with somebody on a dating app. We'd talk for, like, two days and, like, love my life.
Becca Tobin
Literally.
Jack Vanek
I was like, we have the best banter. Like, this guy is fucking hilarious. And then it's like. Then you meet him and you're like. It's almost like, worse if they're really good at texting. Yes.
Keltie Knight
Yes.
Becca Tobin
Because they're texting. A lot of women texting.
Keltie Knight
A lot of women, they know how to play the game. I mean, I, like, ghosted my now husband because he was like. We were like, dming before we, like, went on our. A blind date. Our first date or whatever. And he was like, what shows are you watching? And I was just, like, boring. It's like, I'm not responding to this.
Unknown
And now you're like, hey, babe, I'll be home at work at 7. Don't watch ginger Warrior.
Keltie Knight
No. Literally, I'm like, do not watch Secret Lives of Mormon Lives without me.
Unknown
Yeah. Better.
Wait.
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
Or a single episode of Alone, which is we do love alone.
Keltie Knight
We do love alone. I'm not. It's funny. Like, I. I think I definitely played that. I played up being outdoorsy when we were first dating. And it's just like, every year we've been together, it's just gotten, like, less and less.
Unknown
Is he super outdoorsy?
Keltie Knight
Outdoorsy? I mean, I'VE probably not pushed him to. So he's, he's less so than he.
Becca Tobin
Was when he'll bring that up in therapy.
Unknown
He's not coming out at the dock.
Keltie Knight
I'm like, I've not gotten any better at skiing. Sorry.
Unknown
I. I have a husband now that we will not text for like days. I think it's actually a problem, but that's not healthy. But like, he travels a lot and I travel a lot, but it's, it's the opposite. Like, I can remember in my 20s, I was traveling a lot. I was a dancer and I'd be on tours and things like that. And I had these boyfriends that were all like very sketchy and I would stay up till four in the morning so that I could catch them. I remember living in New York and being like, it's 3pm and he's just waking up in Vegas and like I'd be waiting for the text and like then it would be like. And we'd always have to be in constant communication to. Because I didn't trust him. You know what I mean? Because there was no trust. I need to know where you were when you were okay. I'm walking into this, I'm getting out of this and it's exhausting. My husband, like will literally go to Italy or wherever he is. I think he's in Milan today. And I'm like, I haven't talked to you today. I didn't text you good morning. I probably won't talk to you till I see you on Saturday. Like, I, I know that's probably a problem.
Becca Tobin
No, I.
Keltie Knight
But you're secure.
Unknown
But I'm like, when I see you, I don't need you to text. And then like he'll text me and then all of a sudden he'll text me me. Like, I saw this and thought of you and it's like baby birds hatching. Oh my God. You know, he's like, look at this little dog video. Or you know, like he's gets me but like, I don't have to be attached at the hip.
Yeah.
I don't want to be in the movie her with an AI boyfriend. I want to have a real life person.
Yeah. Yeah.
Becca Tobin
Honestly, one of my husband and I are not. When we are both traveling, it's like radio silence basically as well. We have a lot of. We have a ton of in person chemistry, but we could never survive long distance because we have, we have. It's tough for us to like keep things going truly to validate. Like, it's it's really bad. And it's just. We just don't. He's. He's honestly not a super talky guy, period. So, you know, more time for me.
Unknown
To talk about myself.
Yes.
Becca Tobin
And my thoughts and feelings.
Keltie Knight
I think it's. I think it is, though, a good sign when a guy is just not like, a pro at texting. When they're not. Because it just shows that it's not like that they're not playing that game with a bunch of different women all the time.
Unknown
They don't.
Becca Tobin
Yeah, we're, like, good at that. He's gonna be less likely to slide into someone's dm.
Unknown
Yes.
Becca Tobin
Right.
Unknown
And they definitely won't respond because it'll be like, hi.
Jack Vanek
Yeah, hey, what's up?
Becca Tobin
I think this one is good. Always pays with cash. That is also a red flag. Oh, right.
Unknown
Who has.
Becca Tobin
Their credit score is definitely going to be low.
Jack Vanek
Everyone's like, where are you getting that cash from?
Unknown
Interesting.
Keltie Knight
How can a woman.
Becca Tobin
Or honestly. Always pays with a debit card, I would say is also a problem if.
Jack Vanek
You don't have a credit card.
Unknown
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
I guess those are ways.
Unknown
New York girls are really savages. I was like, oh, my God.
Keltie Knight
Yeah. I guess these are details that you or you can, you know, kind of surmise someone's credit score without asking. I mean, right. I remember being on, like, maybe we were, like, three months into dating, and I did look, ask my boyfriend to show me his mint account. At the time, I had no savings. So when I saw his mint account.
Becca Tobin
That I did that conversation go, I.
Keltie Knight
Think I was like, also, it's just so funny because I was, like, in debt, but I was like. I was like, show me your. Like, let's have a day. Yes, literally. And I think, like, I saw his mint account, and I think his car was, like, a part of it. So, like, that looked like his. That was a part of his net worth. And I was just like, the Accord was factored into the net worth.
Becca Tobin
Chandler's like, no bringing up with this.
Keltie Knight
Literally, I was like, I'm good.
Unknown
How do you deal with this? Because on the Valley right now we're watching, and Britney has, like, been married to Jax for all these years, and then now it's just coming out that, like, you own. You owed. When I met you, you owed $1.5 million in taxes. Like, at what point in relationship do you want the guy to tell you, hey, I've got some stuff like, should it be date one and you're like, out, or should you fall in Love first. And then he tells you, like, to me, we shouldn't have gotten married.
Keltie Knight
Yes, for sure.
Unknown
Between, like, you should still be able to fall in love without having to talk those types of things. But it needs to happen between falling in love and getting married.
Keltie Knight
Right?
Jack Vanek
Like, I don't know if I agree.
Unknown
Well, I have to say, not everybody is put into onto this planet with the same privileges. So it's like, no, for sure. You know, like, I can be all judgy, but like, my parents like paid for me Till I was 25 years old.
Yeah.
And I'm like, I have no debt. My credit score, My credit score is at 780. And like, my mom put my name on a credit card when I was like 3:15 so I could do that. So I do feel like if there are people that, you know, unfortunately for, due to unfortunate circumstances, do get themselves in a little trouble. If it were not for my husband, every year, taxes would be due and I'd be like, oopsies, I didn't say for this.
Jack Vanek
Like, it's.
Keltie Knight
I.
Unknown
So I have, I have some empathy. I mean, blatant irresponsibility, like a sailor, like, that's a bummer.
Jack Vanek
Or if you have like a gambling problem, like, if it's like something that you brought upon yourself, I think it's like to me, it's the same responsibility. It's like if you're telling somebody you've been like divorced or you like have a kid, or it's like the big thing you're bringing into the relationship.
Keltie Knight
Right.
Unknown
Or if it's like he's spending, taking you on these, all these trips and getting you the Birkin and whatever. And then he's like, oh, by the way, I haven't paid my taxes in six years. You're like, but I love this bag.
Becca Tobin
No, I think too.
Keltie Knight
I think if you are. If the math is not mathing, the.
Unknown
Math is got a math, then you.
Keltie Knight
Then you should ask. Then you should have an open conversation. Be like, this is where I'm at, you know, as you are as you start to more seriously date. Because, like, just like, look alive, eyes wide open. Let's does the math math of your guy.
Becca Tobin
I once dated a guy who lived with his parents, but also told me that he was interviewing for a job where he was going to be making $10 million a month.
Jack Vanek
Shut up.
Becca Tobin
And I have to tell you, I had to go to my boss at the time and be like, does are these other jobs like this?
Unknown
Like the guy from Love is Blind. Do you Remember that season where the guy, he, like, came across as, like, such a baller in real estate, and then they ended up together and he lived with his parents.
Becca Tobin
Oh, my gosh. Wait, wait.
Unknown
And she was, like, kind of bitchy, but beautiful blonde hair. Damn it. I just.
Someone's yelling in their car right now.
Yes, somebody. But they just reminded me of that.
Keltie Knight
I'm sorry. Also, if your guy is going on Love is Blind.
Unknown
Yeah.
It's a bummer. Or any reality show.
Keltie Knight
Any reality. Yeah, the Jack stuff is. That is crazy.
Becca Tobin
I think a guy has 1.5 million in debt and cheated on you. Like, let's not marry him.
Jack Vanek
What are. Yeah.
Unknown
Men can change. I absolutely believe that men can change.
Yeah.
But I think they changed yesterday and.
You screamed, men can't change. I'm fairly certain we did a podcast, like, men do not change.
Becca Tobin
Are you remembering that?
Unknown
They probably don't change, but if they do change, it's not going to be with you.
Yeah.
Like, do you think maybe. Sorry to bring it up again, but do you think maybe Ryan Ross is a good boyfriend now?
No, he might be.
Jack Vanek
Probably not.
Keltie Knight
No.
Unknown
Cheating.
Cheating is a tough one if you are a chronic cheater. I think that's a really hard thing to shake if you cheated a couple times or whatever, like, early on, especially.
Jack Vanek
In your early 20s.
Keltie Knight
Like, I think everybody is a mess, and that's okay.
Unknown
But I think Jax and Brittany. I. I think hers was very strategic. Like, she. What else was she going to be doing if she didn't marry Jax Taylor and be on reality TV for however many years? She was making a choice. I mean, I'm just assuming.
Yeah.
She's making a calculated decision for her future, and I support it. I mean, is she having repercussions for that choice? For sure.
Keltie Knight
Right.
Unknown
As we all do.
Becca Tobin
Yeah, she's. She's having repercussions, but she also has millions of followers on Instagram and probably gets killer brand deals.
Keltie Knight
There you go. Would she be better off just instilling, you know, Kentucky. Kentucky.
Unknown
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
I don't know why we need to.
Becca Tobin
Malign the state of Kentucky, Chandler.
Keltie Knight
Well, I'm just. You're right. Sorry.
Becca Tobin
Let's not alienate our Kentucky listeners.
Keltie Knight
Okay, well, before I. Before I get into hot water with the people of Kentucky, I think also the way. The way that a guy talks about women, the way that he talks about his exact exes.
Unknown
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Pay attention to that.
Unknown
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
They're all.
Keltie Knight
That she's crazy.
Becca Tobin
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
I'm gonna say, too. If someone is, like, too good of Friends with all their exes too.
Jack Vanek
Oh, you should not be friends with an ex.
Keltie Knight
You should not be. It should be just like. There's no respectful parting of ways. You just do not need that respectful or just.
Jack Vanek
That's fine.
Keltie Knight
Yes. 100.
Becca Tobin
Also, this is so true. Someone submitted has Snapchat. They should not even have the app.
Keltie Knight
No.
Unknown
Oh, my God.
Absolutely not.
Jack Vanek
I can't believe people still have.
Unknown
Some teenagers are obsessed with it.
Keltie Knight
People definitely do.
Becca Tobin
I mean, yeah.
Keltie Knight
I mean, I had. I had Snapchat.
Becca Tobin
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
I'm like, I probably still. I mean, I don't have the app, but I still have an account.
Becca Tobin
Oh.
Jack Vanek
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
But I like. Yeah, I think I stopped Snapchatting like three or four years ago.
Unknown
I do Marco Polo now, which is like the same thing.
Keltie Knight
Totally adult. But Snapchat is like a little. It's a. It's a little sketchier because it all disappears.
Jack Vanek
Yes.
Keltie Knight
That's the whole point is just like. Is the disappearing of the photos and everything.
Jack Vanek
Yeah. Why do you need to be doing.
Keltie Knight
Yeah, it's just.
Unknown
It's.
Keltie Knight
I think it's just a little gross. It's just like someone is sexting way too often if they have Snapchat. Yeah, Sorry.
Unknown
Agreed.
Becca Tobin
And not with you.
Keltie Knight
And not with you.
Becca Tobin
Finally. Maybe this is a little personal for this person. They said being a general contractor.
Unknown
No, general contractors can make money.
Jack Vanek
A ton of money.
Unknown
That's what I'm saying too.
This sounds like someone who recently divorced.
Becca Tobin
And they're also around only men all day. Like, sweaty men. No, not really.
Jack Vanek
That's a probably agreement.
Keltie Knight
Someone who works with.
Unknown
I'm actually very, like, turned on by the thought of a general contractor.
Have you just seen the Work from Home video by Fifth Harmony?
No.
Sam Ascari is a general contractor.
Wow.
What a callback.
Like, so sexual. They're gonna have to go to work. But you gotta put in words.
You don't know how to go to work.
Becca Tobin
Work, work.
Unknown
Wait, Sam, he's the hot contractor that they're all like.
Jack Vanek
Is this after he was with.
Keltie Knight
No, it's got to be before.
Unknown
It was before he was in the Britney video, then he was in the work from home. And then Brittany started dating him.
Keltie Knight
What is he doing now?
Unknown
He was on Traitors.
Keltie Knight
Just like Donna Kelsey.
Unknown
Wow.
Keltie Knight
They just really.
Becca Tobin
It's Anybody?
Unknown
Your boyfriend's mom is also going on reality television. Red flag. I think she's adorable. I think she's taking it too far. Let's dim the lights.
Keltie Knight
No, it's. It's time for her to step Out.
Unknown
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Of the limelight.
Becca Tobin
And she.
Keltie Knight
This is what we've said. Like, she's not even that, like, charismatic or engaging when she's, like, on tv.
Becca Tobin
No, she has a horrible personality.
Keltie Knight
Yes.
Unknown
She's the woman who crazy cries at your wedding. Like, because she somehow gets upset or sensitive about something. Like, she gets emotional. She's the mother in law that does that.
Keltie Knight
Oh, my God.
Jack Vanek
I. Wow.
Unknown
I didn't see that.
Keltie Knight
They're in love with their son. Back to.
Unknown
Oh, yeah.
Keltie Knight
She.
Unknown
She would send her implants.
Becca Tobin
The pck.
Unknown
That story, if she is not already.
Keltie Knight
Poppy. Wow.
Becca Tobin
Poppy. Well, I think we've had some wise words for women. Thank you.
Unknown
Wise words for women. I also think we better trademark that.
Did you ever date guys in your 20s? Just before we go. This is important. That wouldn't. That don't go down on girls.
Jack Vanek
Oh.
Becca Tobin
Or.
Keltie Knight
Well, I mean, I think there were times where I was too nervous to.
Unknown
Like, are you see periods, like. Yeah, No, I agree with the period sex.
Keltie Knight
You don't want to have period sex.
Jack Vanek
I don't now. But, like, I thought it was like, when men are disgusted. No.
Keltie Knight
Oh, right. No, like, when men are disgusted, you're.
Jack Vanek
Like, wait, what am I talking about?
Keltie Knight
Period.
Unknown
Right.
Keltie Knight
That's gross.
Jack Vanek
And they.
Keltie Knight
Yeah, that's like that. Grow up.
Unknown
Up.
Becca Tobin
Yeah, literally grow up.
Jack Vanek
It's like every woman has it every single month.
Keltie Knight
Like, see if he'll go to the. Go to CVS and buy you tampons. See if he'll do that.
Jack Vanek
Yeah.
Unknown
But, like, there were a lot of guys just wouldn't go down on girls.
Becca Tobin
True.
Unknown
Right.
They're scared. They don't know.
Keltie Knight
They don't know.
Unknown
Or they had a bad experience.
Keltie Knight
But I think that's like. I think that's worth. You know, that doesn't happen. Maybe you don't like that. But if that doesn't happen, I think you should, you know, pay some more attention.
Unknown
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
You know, like.
Jack Vanek
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Especially if you're going down on them.
Unknown
Oh, yeah.
Jack Vanek
No, thank you.
Unknown
Yeah.
Becca Tobin
They should have a healthy appreciation for clitoris.
Unknown
Yeah.
The vagina.
Keltie Knight
100.
Becca Tobin
100.
Keltie Knight
Yes.
Becca Tobin
Well, I'm so happy that our mom and dad listen to this show.
Keltie Knight
Hey, Mom.
Unknown
Hi, Donna.
Becca Tobin
And we could offer these. These words for women. Kelsey, Jack, Becca, thank you guys so much for coming on. Thank you. You have a very exciting event coming up. Lady World, what are the dates?
Unknown
So Lady World festival is happening in Destin, Florida, September 26th to 28th. It is three days and three nights, millennial summer camp of your dreams. So during the day you get up, we're gonna do, like, beach fitness classes, like makeup classes. Learn how to do a lymph massage on your own face. Our presenting sponsor is Elf. Elf Beauty. You know, Becca's gonna teach you how to make a beaded necklace. We're gonna paint with Jack. I'm gonna do a manifesting class. There's meet and green greet, celebrity, all kinds of activations.
Or you can sit on the beach all day and ignore everyone.
Jack Vanek
Empty, drink or do whatever you want.
Unknown
It's the most beautiful water in the world. And then at night, we have some of our favorite podcasts and comedians like Hannah Burner, Stassi, Sheroeder, Chicks in the Office, Girls Gotta Eat, Lady Gang, Caitlin Bristow, Justin Sylvester, Rachel Lindsay, Gina Brillian. And then music. Go ahead, music.
Jack Vanek
Well, my husband's band is playing, obviously. They're called the Main. They're an emo band. And then we have pop 2K, which is a mashup of, like, all of your favorite boy bands ever. We have Chris Kirkpatrick from NSYNC, O Town, LFO, BB Mac, Ryan Cabrera, Mark McGrath.
Unknown
Insane.
Keltie Knight
Hell yeah.
Unknown
And don't worry that it's only Chris Kirkpatrick, because the O Town Boys play the other members of NSync, so you'll hear. We're just going to be outside under the stars.
How dare you say just.
No. Chris Kirkpatrick's amazing.
Jack Vanek
We actually love him.
Unknown
No, he's the best. Well, we love JC too. And we love Lance. We don't know Joey and we have thoughts on Justin, but any. Oh, God, we're gonna get canceled again. Anyway, we're so excited. And they sing all the NSYNC songs like it doesn't even matter that they're not all there. So this is like the NSYNC reunion. It's gonna be so fun. Tickets are available at LadyWorld co. It's 300 bucks for the whole weekend. All our activities, all those shows.
Becca Tobin
Wait, now I want to go.
Keltie Knight
You guys.
Unknown
We are definitely. You can put you up in a VIP tent.
Becca Tobin
Oh, my gosh.
Unknown
Maybe you can bring some of your listeners.
Becca Tobin
Yeah.
Keltie Knight
Yes.
Unknown
Is that weird?
Keltie Knight
You guys, let's meet at Lady World.
Becca Tobin
I mean, it sounds right up our alley. And so many of these podcasts we all love and listen to, so many great headliners. Activities. Lady World, Destin, Florida, December 26th through the 28th.
Unknown
Website to get tickets is ladyworld co.
Becca Tobin
Okay, let's all meet there. If you're listening, meet up in Destin.
Keltie Knight
Let's go.
Unknown
This is the most beautiful beach in the world. Like, I used to fly to French Park, Polynesia and all these places on vacation because I'm like, I love ocean like a Caribbean blue.
Becca Tobin
Blue.
Unknown
It has to be blue. I have to be able to see the bottom. And then we went on a site visit. Before we even decided to do this, we're like, let's just go check it out. And I was like, wait, hold on. This is like a $300 flight away.
Becca Tobin
Like, really?
Unknown
Why did I spend 34 hours, $10,000 going to French Polynesia? The water is. The beach is insane.
Keltie Knight
Okay, okay.
Unknown
White, white, white, white, white, white sand.
Becca Tobin
Wait, I'm sorry.
Keltie Knight
I mean, you're truly speaking our language. We're there.
Becca Tobin
We're there. Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening. And we'll be back next week.
Keltie Knight
Bye bye.
Unknown
Bye bye.
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Pop Apologists - Episode 283: Relationship Red Flags ft. LADYGANG
Release Date: July 9, 2025
In this engaging episode of Pop Apologists, hosts Becca Tobin and Keltie Knight invite special guests from LADYGANG, Kelty Knight and Jack Vanek, to delve into the crucial topic of relationship red flags. Drawing from their personal experiences and insights, the conversation offers listeners a comprehensive guide to identifying and navigating potential pitfalls in romantic relationships.
Becca opens the discussion by expressing the importance of recognizing red flags in relationships, particularly those involving men. She emphasizes their collective experience as married women who have navigated the complexities of romantic entanglements.
Becca Tobin (00:18):
"We are all married women. So we've been down this road which is filled with trials and tribulations and red flags a wise woman should be looking out for on her path."
Kelty adds a humorous touch by sharing her past experiences with unsuitable partners, setting the stage for an honest and relatable conversation.
The guests recount their histories with ex-boyfriends, highlighting behaviors that served as early warning signs of incompatibility or deceit.
Kelty Knight (00:52):
"I've dated some real losers."
Jack elaborates on his brief relationship with Ryan Ross, a mutual ex-boyfriend, detailing how his over-the-top online presence became a red flag.
Jack Vanek (03:10):
"Ryan Ross was obsessed with both of us. He was in a band, and the fandom was obsessed with him too."
Kelty and Jack discuss the complications of dating someone with a strong online persona, leading to jealousy and misunderstandings.
The conversation shifts to the role of social media in relationships, particularly how excessive or inappropriate usage can signal underlying issues.
Keltie Knight (10:42):
"It's a red flag if your man or if a guy you're interested in is way too active on social media. Disgusting."
Becca and Kelty debate the appropriateness of certain social media behaviors, such as posting too many selfies or overly curated content, framing them as indicators of deeper relationship dynamics.
Becca Tobin (11:00):
"He sells a course online. Why else would you be talking to the camera?"
They also touch upon the impact of following exes or engaging with potentially inappropriate content, advising listeners to monitor these digital interactions closely.
The hosts and guests discuss how a prospective partner’s living space and lifestyle choices can reveal significant information about their personality and compatibility.
Keltie Knight (17:25):
"There needs to be a bed frame, a nightstand, and a dresser. No furniture can be inflatable."
They highlight the importance of having functional and well-maintained household items as a sign of maturity and responsibility. The presence of gaming chairs without proper dining setups or excessive use of trendy decor items like cargo shorts can serve as warning signs.
Becca Tobin (21:50):
"A gaming chair, but no dining chairs. That's a huge red flag."
Kelty emphasizes that while certain hobbies or interests are acceptable, they should not overshadow other essential aspects of a partner's life.
A significant portion of the discussion focuses on financial red flags, such as partners who are overly frugal, vague about their financial status, or label themselves as "entrepreneurs" without substantial proof.
Becca Tobin (25:52):
"Gotta see the proof in the pudding. Before we title ourselves entrepreneur, we are watching Shark Tank."
Jack and Kelty stress the importance of transparency in financial matters, advising listeners to inquire about their partner’s financial health early in the relationship.
Keltie Knight (28:37):
"If you are leasing a nice BMW but don't live in a place that makes sense with that, it’s a red flag."
They also touch on the pitfalls of following financial trends like leasing expensive cars without solid financial backing, suggesting that such behaviors may indicate deeper financial instability.
The hosts explore how texting habits can reflect a partner’s level of commitment and trustworthiness. Poor communication patterns, such as excessive texting without meaningful interaction, can indicate disinterest or potential infidelity.
Becca Tobin (40:33):
"I think it's a good sign when a guy is just not a pro at texting. It shows they're less likely to slide into someone's DM."
They discuss the balance between being communicative and not being overly dependent on digital communication, advocating for quality over quantity in messages.
Keltie Knight (37:13):
"What are we gleaning from the way that they text?"
Kelty and Jack share anecdotes about past relationships where communication styles either kept the relationship strong or served as a precursor to its downfall.
Addressing more serious red flags, the discussion covers the implications of cheating and maintaining friendships with ex-partners.
Jack Vanek (44:49):
"They should not be friends with an ex. It should just be a respectful parting of ways."
Becca and Kelty emphasize that ongoing relationships with exes, especially with romantic undertones, can jeopardize the current relationship and signal unresolved issues.
Keltie Knight (46:19):
"If someone is too good of friends with all their exes, it's a red flag."
They advise setting clear boundaries and maintaining transparency to prevent misunderstandings and maintain trust.
As the episode wraps up, the panel shares final advice, reiterating the importance of self-awareness and vigilance in recognizing red flags.
Becca Tobin (50:00):
"They should have a healthy appreciation for clitoris and the vagina."
The hosts encourage women to prioritize their own needs and to seek partners who respect and understand them, fostering relationships built on mutual respect and genuine connection.
Keltie Knight (49:19):
"They won't be playing games if they're not experts at texting."
Concluding the episode, Keltie, Becca, and Jack promote the upcoming Lady World Festival in Destin, Florida, highlighting various activities, performances, and special guest appearances.
Unknown Guest (50:19):
"Lady World festival is happening in Destin, Florida, September 26th to 28th. It is three days and three nights of millennial summer camp of your dreams."
They detail the festival’s offerings, including musical performances, fitness classes, and interactive sessions, inviting listeners to join the vibrant community event.
Identify Early Warning Signs: Recognize behaviors and traits in potential partners that indicate incompatibility or possible deceit.
Monitor Social Media Usage: Excessive or inappropriate use of social platforms can serve as a red flag for deeper relationship issues.
Assess Lifestyle and Financial Responsibility: A partner’s living space and financial habits provide significant insights into their maturity and reliability.
Prioritize Effective Communication: Healthy communication patterns are crucial for maintaining trust and preventing misunderstandings in relationships.
Set Clear Boundaries with Exes: Maintaining friendships with ex-partners, especially romantic ones, can jeopardize current relationships and signal unresolved issues.
Trust Your Instincts: Listening to your intuition and being vigilant about red flags can help in fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
This episode of Pop Apologists offers a candid and insightful exploration of the red flags that women should watch out for in their relationships. Through personal anecdotes and expert advice, Becca, Keltie, and their guests provide valuable guidance for navigating the often complex landscape of modern romance.
Notable Quotes:
Becca Tobin (00:18):
"We are all married women. So we've been down this road which is filled with trials and tribulations and red flags a wise woman should be looking out for on her path."
Keltie Knight (17:25):
"There needs to be a bed frame, a nightstand, and a dresser. No furniture can be inflatable."
Jack Vanek (25:52):
"Gotta see the proof in the pudding. Before we title ourselves entrepreneur, we are watching Shark Tank."
Becca Tobin (40:33):
"I think it's a good sign when a guy is just not a pro at texting. It shows they're less likely to slide into someone's DM."
Keltie Knight (46:19):
"If someone is too good of friends with all their exes, it's a red flag."
This comprehensive summary captures the essence of Pop Apologists Episode 283, providing listeners with valuable insights into recognizing and addressing relationship red flags. Whether you're navigating the dating scene or looking to strengthen your current relationship, the advice shared in this episode serves as a practical guide to fostering healthier and more trusting partnerships.