← Dr. Trish Leigh Podcast
Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
A
Happy New Year and welcome back to Porn Brain Rewire, the podcast with me, Dr. Trish Leigh. If you're looking to quit porn or get rid of explicit matter consumption in the new year, you are in the right place. I am a brain health and sex addiction recovery coach. I'm on a mission to help people get on purpose in their life and to develop real world pleasure that not only involves pleasure, but also happiness and connection. So in today's episode, what we're going to dive into is the seven reasons that most people fail at accomplishing their New Year's resolutions. Then we're going to dive into, of course, all the pieces of each of those failure that if you flip them on their head, you will now know how to succeed in leaving porn behind. Remember, if you're looking for help on the journey, please go over to Dr. Trishleigh.com at Dr. Trishley and Company. We're a team of brain health and sex addiction recovery professionals. We can help you. And as we go through this list, you may find that help is exactly what you need. And lastly, stay with me until the end because there's going to be a brain hack strategy. There's going to be lots of them peppered through today's episode, but I'm going to give you a very clear, definitive one before we wrap up. Okay. Why do people fail when they really want to commit to their New Year's resolutions? We know from studies that over 50% of people, Americans, it is, but 50% of people set New Year's resolutions. So moving into the New Year, they're very excited to get healthy. Health is the number one area that people set resolutions around. So they say, I am going to get healthier in the new year, over 50% of people. But I bet you didn't know less than 9% of people actually succeed. So why do they fail? Number one, people set unrealistic or very vague goals. So part of leaving explicit matter behind is really figuring out what's going on. It's different for every single person, but at the same time, it actually is formulaic or systematic in nature. Also, there are very similar underpinnings for all people. And most times people don't know that these complexities that are flying under the radar exist. So when you say you're going to quit porn or leave explicit matter, that can be an unrealistic or vague goal that you don't even know is unrealistic or vague. So I would encourage you to get more realistic and to get more specific, figure out specifically what you are struggling with and what your goal is within your particular struggle. That's what me and my team help people do. We help you move through the formula, but understanding how it applies to you. So proclaiming you're going to quit porn is probably too general and it's probably unrealistic without support. Okay, moving on to number two, which leads us to people set a resolution without a clear plan or accountability. Again, we know from studies that accountability and a plan are the two top things that a person needs to be able to quit porn quickly and efficiently and effectively. And what I mean by that is without withdrawals, without struggle, without suffering. The less you struggle, the less you suffer, the faster you can rewire your brain back to the optimal brain performance pattern, maybe for the first, first time ever, which means then you can feel and perform better in your real life and you will no longer go up and down, back and forth. And when that happens, the likelihood that you go back into porn to feel better again increases. So have a plan and make sure there's accountability that's involved. Okay, moving on to number three, overconfidence or lack of persistence. So you know how that goes. When you go, I'm going to quit porn, you're fucking feeling overconfident in that moment. What you're probably forgetting is that there's a 4D dopamine cycle that is involved in porn addiction. What I mean by that is it has to do with dopamine, the molecule of more motivation and pleasure. And when a person proclaims that they are ready for change, that's what I call the change point. It's the perfect place in that cycle before there's too much dopamine dripping, before there's the dopamine deluge or flood and the drowning that happens. And before the dopamine deficit that occurs when you go back into your life for a moment there, there's the perfect change point. Before you're feeling shame or the need for dopamine again, but after, you're feeling numbed out and flooded and unmotivated. So if you're at that change point, it is imperative. That's the moment you get the plan and you know how to move through it step by step, with a guide and with accountability. That is what I do in my program. When people sign up, there is a very clear plan, step by step, action, steps and support. But if you want to do this by yourself, it's time to commit and to have a plan. If you don't want to get into a program, you could Start here on my YouTube channel. There's over 1500 videos. You make a plan to watch a video a day. I get emails all the time and I talk with people all the time that they've made it pretty far with my YouTube channel alone. So it can get you going. And if you don't need a program, that's great. But if you do, keep it in mind, a plan and accountability. Which leads us to not being overconfident because persistence and motivation and willpower know that is difficult to keep up if you don't know what to do. And my daughter was recently in a math class where the math teacher ended up quitting because she didn't know how to teach math. So my daughter, who's a straight A student, kept getting in trouble for not doing the work in class. She was so frustrated. I end up meeting with the teacher and the principal, yada yada, hopefully we have it all sorted. But I had to explain to the principal, how can you do math if you don't know how to do math? So she sat there puzzled and frustrated and her grade going down every single minute because she didn't know how to do the math. So you can't persist and have perseverance and keep going if you don't know how to do it. That's the problem with number three. So start with the videos and get into a program for more help. Okay? Number four is the lack of intrinsic motivation. So I have to share with you that this in fact is a dopamine dependency, which means your brain is hooked to high levels of dopamine from explicit matter, which means all your motivation. We talked about this. Dopamine motivation for more pleasure is linked to go back into the screen. And you know what that means. Your intrinsic motivation to do difficult things like a porn addiction recovery has significantly decreased. So if you just think about it logically, instant gratification, easy button into the screen. That means delayed gratification of doing the challenging work of using your body and mind to overcome porn. That can be too much. It's not that you're not summoning enough intrinsic motivation, it's that your brain doesn't have the ability to do it in its current state. That's why in my program, which is a neuro biopsychosocial approach, the first thing we do is assess your brain performance pattern or how your brain is functioning and see how big the gap is between your current performance and the optimal performance. That shows me why you have low intrinsic motivation and how low that is. There's A brain performance pattern that's associated with that. Then from there we use advanced technology to rewire your brain for you so that now you have more intrinsic motivation. You can take the steps that are needed. Neuro first, brain first, then bio body, then psycho mind, then social. Your relationships. It's imperative to hit all four. Many people don't. Okay, number five is failure to track progress. It's imperative that not only do you set the goal, you keep track of it. Now there's an app for that, right? There's an app for everything to keep track of your progress as you're moving forward. So be sure that you have not only accountability but a systematic way of tracking your progress. Again, when we work with people, there's many coaches on my team and your coach will help you track, set your goals and then track your progress towards them. We use measurable data. We can see your brain performance pattern improving every single day. So can you. You get graphs and charts. Also, we set goals for your behaviors and we use clinical assessments to track that. We use brain bald measures that show us, yes indeed you are accomplishing your goals. It's imperative to track progress. So if you're doing it by yourself, get a tracker going. Okay, number six, stress and life circumstances. It's not coming out today anyway. Moving on is that I have said it over and over and over again that if there's one thing that's going to throw you back into explicit matter in the screen, it's stress. Most people are not highly aware of how their stress levels are building over days or a week or two. And it's because we calibrate and we learn to deal with higher levels of stress until it's too late. People tell me all the time I don't know why I relapsed. And once I break it down with them, it's very clear to see stress was building over the last few days or the last week. Again, we can see that in your brain performance pattern too. Stress levels build. It sends a parameter into a spike. I literally call it a stress spike. I see a stress spike followed by an urge or a craving, followed by a slipper or relapse if the person isn't working the steps in the plan. So if you're struggling with slips or relapses or if you know you're undergoing more stress, it's imperative to decrease stress, become more aware of it and offset it. So let me say that again. Stress is the number one thing that's going to throw you back into porn if you're resolving to quit it. You have to figure out what your stressors are and make a plan to reduce some of them. No, you can't sell any of your kids as parents would probably try to do that. What you can do is offset your stress. You go punch your punching bag, you go for a run, you crank some weights, you get together with friends and you laugh about nothing. You have fun, you get real world pleasure. Dopamine from your life, from your work, from your hobbies, from your people. It's imperative because stress can send you backwards. We know it's the number one reason, and the seventh reason is that they fail. People fail to make their resolutions habitual. So when we're talking about a porn addiction, we're talking about a dopamine dependency. When you were growing up and you found explicit matter, what happened was your brain actually changed the way that it was developing and functioning to need more dopamine, dopamine dependency. So what that means is you're left in a dopamine deficit state back in your life. Your life actually feels more stressful, which inherently makes you want to go back for more explicit matter. But there's also a habit loop. A habit loop means that porn use or screen excess or, or rituals that you might undergo, they become habitual in nature. And I work with this with my clients all the time. So the idea is you might break the dopamine dependency, but if you watch porn every Friday night, even though your brain changes, so you don't need high levels of dopamine or as high levels of dopamine, Friday night rolls around, and if you don't have a new habit to put in place, you will find yourself triggered and you may find yourself going back into the screen. So there's a very habitual component to being successful in New Year's resolutions. You can't just resolve and then move on with life as you knew it. You have to resolve, but then change what you do. So when I work with people, I use a strategy that I call act, think, feel. That means you act in a new way, you have some new thoughts about it, which helps you learn how you really feel. Because we know if you're accustomed to going into screen excess or explicit matter, you're avoiding feelings, especially negative feelings like stress, which cloud your thinking, which makes it so you can't act in the healthy behavioral ways that you want to. So when you know how to act, you can flip the switch on that habit loop. You start acting in a new habitual way, which helps you to change your thoughts and your feelings. And it can rewire your dopamine to lower levels that you're getting from healthy pleasure sources. So there's a habit piece to this also. I think of it as you're either in a downward spiral, a negative habit loop, or you're in an upward spiral, a positive habit loop that starts with changing the way that your brain works, which then leads you to using your body and mind in a new way and improving your relationship socially. So these are the reasons that people fail. But I want you to know you can succeed. This is a deep issue, not a shallow issue. So you can't just proclaim it. You have to have a plan. The plan involves getting healthy dopamine from your real life re setting and rewiring the pleasure pathways in your brain back to your life and out of screen and sexuality. It requires you to build new habits and break the old ones. Easier said than done, right? And it requires you to have the persistence, the perseverance, the new motivation from the better brain pattern that you're developing so that you can keep at it 365 days a year so that you can be one of the 9% who succeeds in my program. I tell the people in my program all the time, you're top 1% people, they're working hard to heal their brains, to learn how to act and think in a new way, to get the skills, build the skills, the knowledge, have the tools for a lifetime of a healthy brain performance pattern that allows them to accomplish their dreams. So don't just resolve this year, make a plan. And if you can't make that comprehensive plan, invest in yourself through my program. I really believe that I'm here offering a service, a top tier service that allows people to quit porn, leave explicit matter, leave sexual behaviors behind, leave screen access behind quickly, and to rewire their brains back to the healthy status that allows them to live out the rest of their days on purpose. That's an investment in yourself through me and the amazing professionals at Dr. Trish Lee and Company. So if you don't know what steps to take, take one step. That one step is to schedule a consultation with a brain health professional on my team. We can help you, we can help you move forward step by step. You won't have to think about anything else. Okay. I hope you have the most beautiful new year. I hope when you look back, you can look at some of the struggles and the challenges that you've had and they can motivate you and inspire you to keep going and to do it with a rock solid plan with people you know, know what they're doing and care about you. So let's do this thing. Let's ride out the next year. At this time next year, you'll be looking back. Going. Investing in myself to quit porn was the best investment I ever made. All right? I'd love to be part of that, because I'm on a mission. So if you want more help, please go over to Dr. Trishleigh.com and I hope you have an amazing new year. And as always, control your brain or it'll control you. I'll see you next time.