Podcast Summary: Dr. Trish Leigh Podcast

Episode #207: Why Fantasizing Feels Normal
Host: Dr. Trish Leigh
Date: February 1, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Trish Leigh explores why fantasizing, particularly through artificial stimulation like porn or screens, has become normalized in modern society. She explains how the brain's adaptation to a hyper-stimulating digital environment creates maladaptive behaviors, affecting emotional regulation, motivation, relationships, and overall wellbeing. The episode provides insights into the neuroscience behind these issues and practical advice on reclaiming presence and depth in everyday life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Normalization of Fantasizing

• Context Over Morality: Dr. Leigh sets the stage by clarifying her approach: "I don't mean this in a moral way. This isn't about stopping your thoughts. It isn't about willpower or discipline. It's about context." (00:14)
• Environment vs. Inherent Nature: She argues that when a behavior feels normal at scale, it's often due to environmental training, not because the behavior itself is neutral.

2. Personal Story: Growing Up in Chaos

• Dr. Leigh shares her background—growing up in a chaotic home with little privacy—which taught her to normalize stress, urgency, and self-neglect (01:09).
• She reveals: "What feels ordinary often carries the most influence for us because we stop noticing it." (01:41)

3. Supernormal Stimuli and Maladaptation

• Definition: Supernormal stimuli are artificial inputs that are more intense, efficient, and controllable than natural experiences (02:01).
• Maladaptive Adaptation: "When the brain is immersed in inputs that are easier, faster, more controllable than real life, it adapts, it maladapts automatically." (02:40)
• Efficiency and Stimulation: The brain favors efficient sources of stimulation, often at the expense of real-world presence.

4. Fantasizing as an Efficient Escape

• The logic of fantasizing is grounded in its efficiency: "Fantasizing requires no negotiation with reality. No other nervous system is involved... That's incredibly efficient." (03:38)
• Internal stimulation (fantasy) becomes preferable to the external world, which often demands more effort and vulnerability.

5. The Realization and Breaking the Cycle

• Dr. Leigh describes her personal wake-up call: "The chaos was coming from me, not happening to me. Boom. I woke up." (04:16)
• She draws a parallel to how supernormal stimuli hijack attention: "Listen to the way that we talk right now. I just need a break. I'm just going to check my phone..." (04:41)
• These are signs of a nervous system trying to self-regulate in a high-stimulation world.

6. Cost of Chronic Internal Stimulation

• Functionality and Engagement: Over-relying on fantasy impacts deep engagement, presence, and the ability to tolerate effort (05:45).
• Client Example: "It's like an out-of-body experience... I go to sit down at my computer to do work and I automatically find that I open the tabs without even thinking about it and I'm sucked into the screen." (06:19)
• Broader Impacts: High performers may feel these effects first, not due to weakness, but because their lives demand greater presence and creativity.

7. Not About Rejecting Imagination

• Dr. Leigh emphasizes the value of imagination, but cautions against letting fantasy replace real-world engagement: "The issue isn't fantasizing. It's when fantasizing replaces contact." (08:20)
• Moving forward means evolving, not regressing or sacrificing positive aspects of inner life.

8. Practical Changes and Growth

• Personal Change: Dr. Leigh provides an example from her own life, creating a home environment that fosters regulation and meets individual needs (08:37).
• Growth Mindset: She reiterates that she is a "work in progress," highlighting the ongoing nature of growth.

9. A Provocative Question for Listeners

• Dr. Leigh closes with a self-reflective prompt:

  "If your nervous system wasn't constantly pulled inward, what would your attention feel like? What would your desire feel like? …Because that question isn't about restriction. It's about expansion." (09:26)

10. Supernormal Environments & Presence

• The episode concludes with the call to build awareness:

  "Supernormal environments don't make people broken. They make awareness essential. The next level of life isn't more stimulation. It's more presence." (10:04)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “What feels ordinary often carries the most influence for us because we stop noticing it.”
  — Dr. Trish Leigh (01:41)

• “The brain didn't evolve in a fake engineered environment of endless novelty... The brain doesn't ask whether something is truly meaningful, it asks whether it's efficient.”
  — Dr. Trish Leigh (02:21, 02:52)

• “Fantasizing requires no negotiation with reality. No other nervous system is involved. There is zero delay, no vulnerability. And from the brain's perspective, that's incredibly efficient.”
  — Dr. Trish Leigh (03:38)

• “The chaos was coming from me, not happening to me. Boom. I woke up.”
  — Dr. Trish Leigh (04:16)

• “Neil Postman warned a while ago that we wouldn't lose our freedom through force, we would lose it through distraction. That entertainment would replace depth.”
  — Dr. Trish Leigh (06:38)

• “Internal engagement becomes easier than relationships and the outside world.”
  — Dr. Trish Leigh (07:04)

• “The environment trained the brain quietly, maybe without you even noticing, hopefully, until you do.”
  — Dr. Trish Leigh (07:19)

• “Supernormal environments don't make people broken. They make awareness essential. The next level of life isn't more stimulation. It's more presence.”
  — Dr. Trish Leigh (10:04)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:14 – Why fantasizing feels normal (context, not morality)
• 01:09 – Growing up in chaos: family and early environment
• 02:01 – Introduction to supernormal stimuli
• 02:40 – Maladaptive brain adaptations
• 03:38 – Fantasizing as efficient internal stimulation
• 04:16 – Dr. Leigh’s realization about self-created chaos
• 04:41 – Everyday language signaling nervous system dysregulation
• 06:19 – Client story: losing time to screens automatically
• 06:38 – References to Neil Postman and Nicholas Carr
• 08:20 – Not rejecting imagination but recognizing displacement of real engagement
• 08:37 – Creating regulated home environments, personal growth
• 09:26 – Reflective question on shifting attention and presence
• 10:04 – Final message on awareness and presence

Takeaways

• Fantasizing feels normal because our environment has quietly trained the brain to seek efficient, easily controllable stimulation.
• This adaptation can lead to problems with motivation, emotional regulation, and relationships.
• Awareness is the key; the goal is not to eliminate imagination, but to restore balance and presence in real life.
• Practical change can begin with small adjustments in environment and mindset, moving from more stimulation to deeper engagement.

For more on these ideas, Dr. Leigh suggests visiting her website for resources and quizzes, as well as her YouTube channel for in-depth explanations and motivation hacks.