Cody Jefferson on Choosing Grace Over Judgment, Transforming Pain Into Purpose & Living a Life That Speaks Louder Than Words

Summary

Problems to Profit Podcast: Episode Summary

Title: Cody Jefferson on Choosing Grace Over Judgment, Transforming Pain Into Purpose & Living a Life That Speaks Louder Than Words
Host: Preston Brown
Guest: Cody Jefferson
Release Date: June 19, 2025

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1. Introduction & Background

In this compelling episode of Problems to Profit, host Preston Brown welcomes Cody Jefferson—a pastor, leader, mentor, and coach—to discuss profound themes of grace, judgment, and personal transformation. Preston lauds Cody's authenticity and integrity, highlighting his impactful leadership over the past weekend with a group of individuals he regards as "world changers."

Notable Quote:
Preston Brown introduces Cody with high praise:
"He's a man I truly admire, and I'm a guy that, I used to believe if you walk up and say you admire something, maybe it took something from you. And I had that breakthrough this week and I literally had to walk up to him and say, dude, like, I admire you."
[00:03]

2. Navigating Loss and Grief

Cody shares his personal philosophy on loss and grief, emphasizing that life events are purposeful and not random. He recounts the recent passing of his videographer's father, illustrating the unpredictable nature of grief and the importance of processing it healthily.

Key Points:

• Grief is a personal journey with no right or wrong way to process it.
• Allowing oneself space to experience pain without becoming stuck.
• Recognizing the fragility of life encourages intentional living.

Notable Quote:
Cody reflects on grief's persistence:
"You never get over it. People ask me, like, how do you get over someone passing? Or you don't. And you recognize that the grief comes and goes."
[06:01]

3. Embracing Grace and Eliminating Judgment

A significant portion of the conversation delves into the concept of grace versus judgment. Cody emphasizes the necessity of offering grace to others, mirroring the unmerited favor he believes is bestowed upon him by God. This approach fosters healthier relationships and personal peace.

Key Points:

• Judgment often stems from a need to prove, hide, or protect oneself.
• Practicing non-judgment requires active daily participation.
• Grace allows for acceptance and understanding of others' struggles.

Notable Quote:
Cody defines grace:
"Grace for who I believe it to be, just God's unmerited favor. There's nothing we can do to earn it, nothing we can do to deserve it. It's just freely given to us through acceptance."
[08:00]

4. The Paradox of 'Deserve'

The discussion transitions to a philosophical exploration of what it means to "deserve" something, particularly in the context of grace and personal worth. Cody challenges the notion of deserving grace, suggesting that beliefs about what one deserves can limit personal growth and relationships.

Key Points:

• Deserving is subjective and often rooted in past experiences and traumas.
• Beliefs about deserving peace or love can impede receiving them.
• Overcoming these beliefs requires recognizing and altering deeply held convictions.

Notable Quote:
Cody articulates the paradox of deserving grace:
"If grace is an ocean, and if we're all sinking in grace, right? And if grace takes us to the bottom of our pain... why can that not exist everywhere?"
[20:00]

5. Shifting Perspectives and Perceptions

Cody discusses the difference between perception and perspective, emphasizing how personal experiences shape our view of the world. He shares an anecdote illustrating how his tattoos became a catalyst for empathy, reinforcing his commitment to non-judgment.

Key Points:

• Everyone views the world through unique lenses influenced by trauma, beliefs, and upbringing.
• Recognizing and adjusting unhelpful filters can lead to healthier interactions.
• Empathy and understanding are crucial in transcending personal biases.

Notable Quote:
Cody recounts an interaction demonstrating perspective:
"I just want to know that for whatever you're experiencing, I'm really sorry and do you need a hug?"
[32:07]

6. Personal Transformation and Identity

A deep dive into personal habits and identity reveals how Cody uses daily actions to affirm his beliefs and desired self. He emphasizes the power of "I am" statements in shaping identity and overcoming destructive patterns.

Key Points:

• Consistent action steps reinforce personal identity and beliefs.
• Breaking old habits requires replacing them with new, positive actions.
• Identity transformation is a deliberate and ongoing process.

Notable Quote:
Cody explains his identity formation:
"If this is who I am, then this is just what I do. So if I'm a loving present father, then this is what I do on a daily basis."
[25:00]

7. Initiatives and Missions

Beyond personal development, Cody is deeply committed to social initiatives. He discusses his involvement with The Demand Project, aimed at providing long-term restoration for girls trafficked nationally. Cody underscores the essential role of financial resources in driving meaningful change.

Key Points:

• The Demand Project addresses the critical need for support in human trafficking recovery.
• Financial contributions are pivotal in expanding the project's reach and effectiveness.
• Cody’s mission is fueled by a desire to create lasting impact rather than personal wealth.

Notable Quote:
Cody outlines his mission:
"We're a part of this initiative. We're the largest in the country and we have 30 beds for 2 million. So that is an initiative that I'm very passionate about."
[48:32]

8. Final Reflections and Takeaways

In concluding the episode, Cody emphasizes the ripple effect of personal growth on family and community. He shares heartfelt aspirations about being a present father and the legacy he wishes to leave, highlighting the interconnectedness of personal transformation and societal impact.

Key Points:

• Personal healing and growth benefit not only oneself but also loved ones and the broader community.
• Setting a positive example fosters trust and resilience in the next generation.
• Choices made today shape the legacy and influence one leaves behind.

Notable Quote:
Cody shares his vision as a father:
"He watched you fight through all your trauma, watched you fight through your demons... every day we're making choices, but the choices don't just impact us."
[46:17]

Prayer Closing:
The episode concludes with Cody offering a heartfelt prayer, encapsulating themes of grace, purpose, and divine guidance, inspiring listeners to embrace their journeys with faith and intentionality.

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Conclusion

This episode of Problems to Profit with Cody Jefferson is a profound exploration of how personal struggles and beliefs shape our identities and interactions. Through candid discussions and personal anecdotes, Cody provides listeners with actionable insights on embracing grace, eliminating judgment, and transforming pain into purposeful action. His dedication to both personal growth and impactful social initiatives offers a holistic approach to turning life's problems into lasting profits.

Where to Find More:
For more of Cody Jefferson’s insights and to get involved with his initiatives, visit codyjefferson.com and connect via his social media channels.

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Transcript

[Preston]

Hey, family. Welcome back to problems to profit. I, every time we launch an episode, tell you, I am so excited about this guest and I go into a whole thing and I want to. I want to compound a little bit. I'm excited, but I'm also honored today. The guest I have here for you, I think is going to deliver something profound. I think is going to give you something that's truly going to make you think. I've had the privilege of sitting through the last few days where he's led a group of people who I consider to be world changers, and many of them now people I consider friends. And what's been beautiful is watching how he's led with authenticity, with purpose, with a level of passion that very, very few people can deliver, but more importantly, like, integrity and strength that I honestly don't think I have seen in most men. He's a man I truly admire, and I'm a guy that, like, I used to believe if you walk up and say you admire something, maybe it took something from you. And I had that breakthrough this week and I literally had to walk up to him and say, dude, like, I admire you. And it is my honor to bring to you a man that has literally inspired us all weekend. His name is Cody Jefferson. He is a pastor, he is a leader, he is a mentor, he coaches men. But more than all that, he's. And I love the way he frames this. He's a father, he's a husband. He's just true, authentic truth. And, Cody, it's an honor to have you on Problems to Profit today.

[Cody Jefferson]

Man, that was quite the intro. Thank you.

[Preston]

Thank you for joining us, man.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

You know, you're one of those rare guests where we can go in a thousand directions.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

Like a lot of people, like, I. I gotta follow a road. We gotta stay in one lane, and I gotta guide them through that lane, make them stay on track. And I honestly don't care where we go, but I. You and I have had a couple talks, and I don't know whether you made me cry or you sat there looking at me and I made me cry or what happened, but it was beautiful. I don't want to script this. I don't want to push this. I want to let this flow. But if it's all right with you, I'd love to hear. Just as we start Problems to Profit, we like to hear how you became prophetic in your own way and how your problems guided you as guides to get you there. So a little bit of your story and then and then I'd love to dive into how people can deal with challenges, how people can deal with loss. If you're all right to take us there.

[Cody Jefferson]

Absolutely, yeah. I mean, what is the story? The story is that God chose me just like he's chosen every single one of us. I don't believe that anyone's here on accident. I don't believe that life is ever happening at us or to us. It's always happening for us. So I come from a very small town in rural Oklahoma. I have been there for 41 years now. He couldn't pay me enough money to leave. I am a family man first, so anytime anybody asks what I do, I'm Sarah's trophy husband, and I'm Stetson Foster's dad, and I'm Titus's bonus dad. And everything else is tinsel. So for the sake of the conversation, I think what brought me here specifically, I was in occupational ministry for 13 years in the church, served a number of different roles, pastor being one of them. I say occupational ministry because I would say I'm more pastor now than I've ever been. The pulpit was always preparation for this platform. And so for the past close to 25 years now, my journey has just been to walk with people, to help them tell better stories, to help them step into the greatness that is already inside of them, help them to process the adversities of life that come their way and to help them understand that they've been called on purpose and for purpose and with purpose.

[Preston]

I love that. That was beautiful and concise and. 41 years old.

[Cody Jefferson]

41.

[Preston]

41 years old. And at least from what I've witnessed with our time together off camera, sure is a strength and character way beyond 41 years. And, and. And. And I would agree that God's definitely chosen you.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

Because I don't. I mean, we were. We were having talks about that strength and character. Would you. Would you mind if I brought up a few of the things that you've mentioned off camera and just. And. And dive into it?

[Cody Jefferson]

Sure. Wherever you want. We don't. Where we're going, we don't need roads.

[Preston]

I love it.

[Cody Jefferson]

Wherever you want to go.

[Preston]

Yeah, I love the trophy husband part too.

[Cody Jefferson]

Like, well, here we are.

[Preston]

I might steal that.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah, I fit on most shelves.

[Preston]

So you. You made a comment, and it was from stage the other day when you were leading a room and you talked about as. As a pastor, as a man, and even as a friend, that you. You'd had 140 deaths that you've dealt with over 20 years, I think it was that you said. And you. You've walked with the families, you've walked with the individuals in some cases before they passed.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah, two since I've been here.

[Preston]

Two since you've been here. Yeah, we talked about that, like, while on the trip. Like, you're leading people and dealing with some of the hardest moments in life for others. Where I have. I mean, I admire you in a lot of ways, but where I have such admiration is just the strength of character and conviction going through that. Because entrepreneurs and they're the audience for this show, they deal with loss, they deal with frustration, they deal with stress. Not necessarily always death, but. But death is the most extreme version of loss, if you will. I would love for you to walk us through some of just the ways that you go about handling loss and moving forward.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah, I mean, I think it's different for everyone because everyone has a different journey with pain. And I think that everyone has a relative threshold for pain and for trauma. That's different. That's why we all choose to occupy the space in different ways. You know, there's different stages of grief that we walk through. And last week I was at an event in Las Vegas, and while there, my videographer's father passed away unexpectedly. And as I've walked with him over the past week, I mean, the. The stages keep coming. Right now, it's a lot of. A lot of frustration and anger and just a lot of pain. And there's no right or wrong way to process grief. There are certainly healthy and useful ways, and there are unhealthy and unuseful ways in terms of what the end outcome is. But you give yourself space, and you give yourself space to walk through those various steps. And even in giving yourself space, you occupy it, but you don't. You don't let yourself stay there. I know a lot of people who stay stuck in the grief, and it's a choice and one I can absolutely understand. I have no judgment towards it. But, you know, when. When my son was a kid, I would read him a book all the time called Going on a Bear Hunt. You may know the book.

[Preston]

No.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah. So this kid and this bear going on. This kid is going on a bear hunt. And there's all this adversity and all these things that he has traipse through. And the whole point of it is, wherever he was, whether it was a big field or a river, whatever it is, you can't go over it. You can't go around it. You can't go under it. You've got to go through it. And so you travel through loss. One of the things I say is that you never get over it. People ask me, like, how do you get over someone passing? Or you don't. And you recognize that the grief comes and goes. It could be something that you smell. It could be a song on the radio. It could be driving by a place. It could be a date, right? Like, I buried my best friend in 2017 on my birthday. I let his funeral on my birthday. So my birthday has an odd significance to me because it's a beautiful expression that I'm still here, and it's always a reminder that he's not. And so that's the. I think that kind of the dance of the thing is, is that if you'll allow it, it gives you a really great awareness of the fragility of life and to make every day count. So I'm so intentional. That's why I try to be present for every person that's in front of me, because I never know if I'm gonna get that time again. That's why I don't hold judgment towards people, because you never know what it is that they're experiencing. Somebody could have. They could have lost someone five minutes ago, and they're trying to do the best they can with having in front of them to handle a scenario. There could be trauma that's unresolved. They could be holding on to some sort of grief, you know, and it becomes manifest by something that you've done, which is a landmine that you stepped on that you didn't even know was a trigger. And so just being mindful that everybody has an experience and everybody processes in different ways. And some people have the tools to do that effectively, and some don't. And so it allows. I would say, for me, what it is allowed more than anything, is just a very specific expression of grace, you know, and grace for who I believe it to be, is just God's unmerited favor. There's nothing we can do to earn it, nothing we can do to deserve it. It's just freely given to us through acceptance. And so I try to offer that same grace that's been given to me because I certainly haven't lived a blameless, sinless life to give that to others and to always give the benefit of the doubt. And it's always proven well for me.

[Preston]

You know, it resonates with me, what you're saying about no judgment, not because I have a skill at that. I think I'm probably skilled in the opposite.

[Cody Jefferson]

I mean, it's a skill that requires active participation every day.

[Preston]

I love what you're talking about. I mean, I was journaling one time, and I. Sometimes when you're journaling, magic comes out. And I wrote down blame as an acronym. Being lazy and making excuses. And I kind of associate in my head, like, blame and judgment or at least relatives in the same family of sin. Right. And I would love to dive in a little bit, if you will, to the no judgment. And you say it's an active behavior. Like, as an entrepreneur that's myself, rather passionate.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

Passion can move to anger. Anger can move to judgment really quick. I know I'm not uncommon in that way, so I'd love to maybe, you know, can I. Can I ask the pastor in you to open.

[Cody Jefferson]

You can ask.

[Preston]

Open up your brilliance and speak into that a little bit.

[Cody Jefferson]

What would you like to know?

[Preston]

Maybe. Maybe a process for just underwriting that. That anger and judgment and blame that people would feel for somebody that probably makes them bring themselves down as they're going through it.

[Cody Jefferson]

Well, one, it's a natural process. Right. I mean, it's a stage of grief. So there is judgment, there is going to be blame, there is going to be frustration, there is going to be anger, there is going to be sadness, there is going to be loneliness, there is going to be acceptance. At some point, hopefully, there is going to be denial. There are several stages in this process. When you can recognize that they exist, then you can move through them. When you can own them for what they are. And you cannot create a feeling around yourself that you shouldn't be experiencing this, you shouldn't be feeling that, then we can move through it because you're gonna. You can process it in an effective way. So for me or for anyone, and I don't want to speak just specifically to the loss of a person. Like, anytime that we're casting judgment, for me, it's like one, what am I judging? Why is that judgment important? And what am I trying to. Am I trying to confirm something to be true for me by trying to confirm myself to be right? You know, Richard Rohr says the true contentment is when there's nothing to prove, hide, or protect. And so when I'm casting judgment, I'm typically trying to do one of those three things, unless I'm trying to judge and see if something's safe. Like, we're talking more of judgment against a person.

[Preston]

We're talking the negative side.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah, right.

[Preston]

Like, there's discernment which we call the positive side of judgment.

[Cody Jefferson]

Right, Right. And so when there's nothing to prove, height, or protect, then, like, my role and responsibility isn't to make a judgment against you in a negative way. It's really just discern what's most useful for the boundaries that I put in place for the health of my life.

[Preston]

Wow, I love that. That's a beautiful framework. Judgment, anytime it's fueled by something that you're needing to prove, hide, or protect is going to negatively impact you at a soul level.

[Cody Jefferson]

Well, yeah, because that's the ego. And the ego can never be served because it's too busy trying to prove itself. Right.

[Preston]

And I just love the way you broke it down. I mean, those three frames in there are so simple. And even thinking back with. Without dialing in, I don't know that I can think of a time where I was sitting in judgment and anger where I wasn't trying to prove, hide, or protect something.

[Cody Jefferson]

And when people hurt us, I mean, we're giving them permission to hurt us because our feelings are our responsibility. I'm not saying that pain isn't real. I'm not saying that people don't offend us. I'm not saying that people don't create situations in our life where extreme trauma is present. But we are the ones through how we process that and how we move through that. We're the ones that get to assign the meaning of it.

[Preston]

It's fascinating, fun. It's an honor to have you on here because the entire premise of this podcast is problems to profit. It's the problems with the gifts. The problems are the guides, and the problems take you to become more of who you need to be to achieve whatever God's purpose was for you. Right. And I think I was joking a little bit with you that you're the expert at the biggest problems. A lot of entrepreneurs I talk to, I mean, they all deal with problems. A sale is a solution to a problem, but they're not dealing with the problem of loss at the extreme level. So you're almost a perfect person to talk to because regardless of whether the entrepreneur watching this is having the problem because they just lost an account or because they just lost a loved one. Yeah, you're hitting on the 10 of 10. Whether theirs is a 5, a 10, a 4, a 3, whatever that prove high to protect is real and relevant across any level of problem. In your talk, you expressed a. Your story was beautiful, but you told your story and you told your your story and authentically shared the problems. You shared issues with a marriage. You shared issues with how you conducted yourself at certain different ways, at different times, but you also shared about how it grew you. Yeah, some people, as they're going through things, they have a problem, and it doesn't grow them the way obviously yours was a soil, there was a seed, it germinated, and the new you grew out of it. Right. What do you think it is that prevents somebody from recognizing that problem as a gift, from recognizing it as a teacher and finding maybe the moment that God intended or the thing that God intended them to learn in that moment. What stops some and empowers others to push through perspective.

[Cody Jefferson]

It's all perspective. So you either get to choose to be a victor or a victim, which sounds more romantic than it is. Like, we all get to decide what we deserve in life. And for some of us who have grown up maybe in homes where there was no peace or homes where there were friction, then we continue to create scenarios in our life where we manifest that because we feel like that's what we deserve. We don't deserve peace because that created a subconscious belief that peace was unavailable to us. You know, some find themselves in destructive relationships in a continuous basis, not because they want that, they say that they want love, but really what they feel that they deserve is toxic patterns of codependency and frustration. And not because, again, it's not what they want, but it's what they feel they deserve subconsciously, because that's what they've known. And so when you've grown up in chaos or you've become accustomed to chaos, or chaos is what rules your life, then what we do is we continue to manifest chaos. Because especially for those of us in entrepreneurship that are problem solvers, if we don't have a problem to solve for most of us poll most entrepreneurs, most have gone through some sort of trauma in their life. And we become accustomed to solving problems. And why we burn our businesses to the ground is not because we don't want to be successful. It's because we want the problem. And we only know how to deal with specific problems. And so we can elevate above those problems, we. We continue to manifest the same. Same is true in our relationships. It's true in every area of our life. So until we decide that we deserve something different and we become aware to what that difference is, because we can only, can only lead someone to their own level of awareness. And if, if you try to push someone past that, it's automatically a threat. That's why relationships professionally, personally, become so volatile because one person tries to grow or says, this is enough, or we're not going to do this anymore. Like, it creates friction because we don't feel we deserve something on the other side, not because we don't want it. We can say that we want it, but the brain doesn't care what you want. The brain only cares about confirming patterns to be true.

[Preston]

I love how many different directions you just gave me the option to go right there. You just came into, like, a Super bowl superhighway, and I can make like 50 turns. But you pinged on a paradox that I love. Paradox. I feel that when there's paradox, there's almost always truth therein. I mean, and one of my favorite to quote is like, can God create a rock so big that God cannot lift the rock? And the answer is, of course yes. And the answer is, of course also no. Because God is God. So he could do whatever. He could make himself so small, the rock's big. Whatever. Right. Now you dove into a paradox of deserve. And deserve is such an interesting word from the root and the languaging. You know, if I make an incision, I'm going to cut in. If I make a decision, I'm going to cut off. If I'm in service, I'm in service of you. Like, but if I'm concerned with what I deserve, then I'm trying to cut what I deserve from you. And, like, do we. You know, I'm a Christian, and I know not everyone that watches this show is a Christian.

[Cody Jefferson]

But you're made a point here because people think it's a conversation of entitlement, and it's not.

[Preston]

I'd love to get your perspective on this. Cause I feel the word deserve in many ways is a paradox in and of itself.

[Cody Jefferson]

It is.

[Preston]

We could not ever be deserving if we're going to, like, say, our Christian faith that we grew up with, not to offend anyone. But that's how I would explain things. It's probably how you would explain things as a pastor. So, like, there is no way I could ever be clean enough to deserve Christ's love and forgiveness, right?

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah. But through. But I have it through grace.

[Preston]

I deserved it.

[Cody Jefferson]

Unmerited favor.

[Preston]

So the paradox in there is so profound. I'd love for you to just kind of dive into that. Because when I have a genius, especially a genius who's like, you have intermixed faith, business, strength, and leadership in ways that I really don't see most people able to handle. Let's dive into the deserve paradox, if you can.

[Cody Jefferson]

If by grace now we deserve redemption, what is redemption other than to say that the mortal wounds of our iniquities are now made whole? Fair.

[Preston]

Fair.

[Cody Jefferson]

We're made whole. So if that's grace, and if grace brings about an undeserving unclean experience into that of holiness, then why can that not exist in every area of life? Where does peace and reconciliation, where do we feel we do not deserve it? Where do the areas that we are not dressing wounds appropriately for their healing? Because if we don't dress those wounds, then we will continue to bleed on people who never cut us. Wow.

[Preston]

I think I need about a week to fully process that.

[Cody Jefferson]

So. No, no. And I'm not even. I'm not trying to be profound. That's not the intent. I mean, that is. It is as simple as that. If grace. So if grace is an ocean, and if we're all sinking in grace, right? And if grace takes us to the bottom of our pain, right, past sorrow, past suffering, past shame, with all our.

[Preston]

Inequities that we still have, then why cannot that not exist everywhere? I mean, that is an incredibly profound question.

[Cody Jefferson]

Why do I not deserve grace here?

[Preston]

What a beautiful question. And why would the inequities not be allowed everywhere? Grace. Wow.

[Cody Jefferson]

And why am I choosing friction even in business? Why am I choosing friction? Why does. Why do I feel that? Why do I feel that this being hard is what I deserve in my relationship? Why am I choosing friction? Why am I choosing to fight? Am I choosing to fight because I need to fix something? Because growing up, I had to have the friction in my home because that was the only way that anyone told me that I was loved. So I continue to create friction so that I have a problem to solve. Because I'm only worth loving if I'm solving a problem, if I'm useful, which is where most entrepreneurs lie, which is why we create problems to solve, why we always need a problem to solve. Because if I don't solve a problem, then I'm not worth loving. I'm not useful. And that manifests in every other area of our life. But why? Why does that have to be true? It only has to be true subjectively, because we've created a belief around it. That belief doesn't have to be true. It's only true because it confirms the suspicion that we have, that props up a narrative that gives us meaning. It doesn't have to be true. But most people would genuinely rather live where they are, not because it's what they want because it's what's comfortable.

[Preston]

Well, you're making that leap into something more, as you're discussing is terrifying.

[Cody Jefferson]

It is terrifying because as we've just talked about, death is messy. Death is pain, death is misery, death is suffering. Death is the exit of everything that you know. But the only way that resurrection happens is on the other side of death. And the only way for you to be birthed into something new and someone new and to experience the peace and grace that you've been given is through death. It was the death of Christ in my belief system. But is the death of everything that you hold to be true in your life? Which is why they say that again, like, you come to me, you lose your life and you find it, it's.

[Preston]

So intensely complex and yet profoundly simple. I mean, there's a paradox in that too.

[Cody Jefferson]

Simple isn't easy.

[Preston]

No, it's not. The metaphor there that is beautiful is in the same way that we're talking in a religious and faith based context of without death there is no resurrection. If a belief were to die, something can resurrect in its place.

[Cody Jefferson]

Well, something has to correct. Right. Just like one habit can't just be destroyed. We have to replace it with something new.

[Preston]

Can we dive into that a little bit? Because we've talked about habits.

[Cody Jefferson]

Sure.

[Preston]

And we've talked about some of the routines and rituals that you go through, which is what I think is, I mean, a little bit insane.

[Cody Jefferson]

It's a little ocd, isn't it?

[Preston]

Yeah, yeah, OCD with amazing results, sure.

[Cody Jefferson]

But it's, for me, it's just a simple, like this is who I am, so this is what I do. Like, I'm not just trying to check things off of boxes because like a book told me to, or I think it's some like entrepreneurial badge of honor to like put 50 pounds of crap in a 10 pound bag. That's not really the point. The point is, for a lot of my life I've really struggled with self worth and identity and believing that I am who God says I am. And there's a number of reasons for that. But part of the ways in which I confirm that identity is through the actions that I take. So if this is who I am, then this is just what I do. So if I'm a loving present father, then this is what I do on a daily basis. This is how I conduct myself, this is how I lead myself, but this is also how I lead my family. If I'm a loving present husband, then. And I didn't see that modeled because I didn't grow up in a united family with two parents. But if this is who I believe a loving, present husband is, then this is what I do every day. If I am safe as a man, then this is how I conduct myself. If I am a present leader in my business, if I'm a present leader to you, if I am a friend to you, if I'm a brother to you, then this is how I respond. This is how I act, this is how I listen, this is how I speak. This is how I don't cast judgment, but this is also how I hold accountability. If I am an athlete, then these are the action steps I take every day. This is why I wake up at the time that I do. This is why I work out the way that I do. This is why I eat the things that I do. This is why I don't drink certain things. I don't eat certain things. If I am a man of God that I say that I am, then these are the things that I do. So my day then, is simply a series of action steps that confirm who I say that I am. Because my brain likes to live in half truths to remind me of all the things that I am not. Because right now, in my belief system, the enemy doesn't have to get me to not believe, because I already believe. It is to get me to be not effective and to cower back into the shame of who I've been or who the half truth of what he says about me. So I have to finish that and not put a period. I have to put a comma, comma, yes, but this is who I am because this is what I do. You can say these things just like there's a story of a man who was tempted in a desert, but by the words of a book that we call Truth. And it had to be finished up with scripture to say, yeah, that is, I understand what you are saying, and that is a half truth. And I understand we could stop there, but I'm not putting a period there. I'm putting a comma and inputting the comma. I'm going to finish that with truth. And so for me, the action steps of my day, because I will forget who I am. I will have amnesia to my calling if I do not stay consistent with. And I have also, I do also have an addictive personality. And if I do not overthrow, destroy and overturn the things that seek to destroy me, they will. So I have to put powerful boundaries in place through my daily habits to Ensure that I stay on target. Because I have experienced grief, I have experienced loss. And it's very easy to sedate those things. It's very easy to turn to a bottle. It's very easy to turn to isolation. It's very easy to turn inward to the pain.

[Preston]

Can I walk this back through? Because I want to make sure I'm totally grasping this. And then I want to make sure I'm framing it for the audience to hear it. Because what is coming out of your mouth is probably one of the best psychology lessons that I think I've heard. Put in just a few sentences like that was the most articulate I've heard that efficiently. You're talking beliefs. This is who I am. So it's what I do. Your beliefs create your I am. Your I am forms your identity. A mentor of mine, he. He was telling me the story of Jesus during a 40 day fast in the Bible. And Satan came and said, hey, you.

[Cody Jefferson]

Know, that was the story I was talking. Yeah. In the desert. Yeah.

[Preston]

Why not turn this stone into bread?

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah. Because man does not live on bread alone.

[Preston]

And Jesus said, also I believe, get behind me, Satan. Is that correct? And the mentor showed me an Aramaic translation of Satan. And do you know what it meant?

[Cody Jefferson]

Tell me.

[Preston]

Crazy thought. And it hit me, like, sometimes our demons in life might actually be our thoughts. And our thoughts, when we buy into them, become our beliefs. And our beliefs become our stories that become our I ams that become our identity. And so you've created this magic that is Cody Jefferson. That. Is this intentional, man, that. I mean, you have rock stars coming to you for coaching. You have. You know, I don't think I met one person here that didn't just look up and like, aw. Well, not.

[Cody Jefferson]

Look at that.

[Preston]

Even if they were taller than you.

[Cody Jefferson]

But, like, you know, we can say it. Okay. Yeah.

[Preston]

You look taller today.

[Cody Jefferson]

Thank you. Well, I'm sitting down. I was gonna ask for a booster seat.

[Preston]

You're so awesome. I love it. So how many people then like, this is not a you or me. This isn't everyone. We're crippled by our thoughts, which we buy into as beliefs.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah. We're all unique snowflakes, but you back up. It's just a bunch of white stuff.

[Preston]

It's just a bunch of white stuff.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

And if we shift our beliefs for something, let them die and resurrect to a new I am.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

And this is who I am. So what I do.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

Our habits follow and our identity, which is, you know, I've talked to People about quitting smoking cigarettes, and if they believe they're a smoker, they will fight me to protect their identity, even if smoking will kill them and take them away from their families.

[Cody Jefferson]

Well, this is why I am statements are so powerful. Jesus never said, I will be the son of God. I will be the way, the truth, and life. No, everything speaks in I am statements because to speak into something in a future present or into a future state, like, I will be these things. I will be these things. Because in physics, we have the principle of least path. That, like water doesn't flow through a rock, it flows around it. Water, air doesn't flow through you, it flows around you. Like everything is trying to get to its next place with the least amount of friction as possible. Your brain is the same way, because it's doing too many things at once. It's breathing for you, it's pumping blood. Your. Your. Your eyes are working, flipping things upside down and back, right side. You're trying to discern whether I'm full of crap or not. Like, you're salivating right now. Your eyes are producing water. Like you're twiddling a pen right now. Like, there's a lot of things that are happening that you're not even aware of. The last thing your brain wants to do is learn new things to change the way that it believes, because then it has to confirm new things, and then you may not be right about everything. And the brain just wants to prove itself, right? So doesn't really care about what you want. It's about confirming patterns. So we have to disrupt the patterns.

[Preston]

And your pain gets to write your story or you do.

[Cody Jefferson]

Sure, sure. But pain can be our greatest teacher if we'll learn from it, right?

[Preston]

Which is when we write it.

[Cody Jefferson]

That's when we write it, because we get to assign the meaning of pain. So again, you're either a victim to it, or it's one of your greatest teachers. And life is happening for you, not at you, because pain does exist. You can't not occupy a life without pain.

[Preston]

Cody?

[Cody Jefferson]

Yes.

[Preston]

If your name was Mike, I would have to drop you right now.

[Cody Jefferson]

Oh, wow. Ironically, my first name is Michael.

[Preston]

Really?

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

Oh, that is awesome. Wow, bro, that is profound. That is amazing. And, you know, can we dive back into something? Because you're giving beautiful lessons on how to underwrite internally, yourself when dealing with problems and pain and how to work through it. But you made a comment about perspective, and I had a mentor, and I'd love you to talk into this. Like, he was explaining the difference between perception being kind of what is and perspective being the filter you have over what is and how you see it. Can. Can you dive into that? Because I think, like, maybe that'll help people identify. If we can identify what is instead of the filters that we have and allow them to convert what is into what we need to see for our own identity, maybe, just maybe, people will be able to tune some of those thoughts and beliefs a little easier. Death and resurrection.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah, everybody, I mean, everybody sees things through a different lens. It's all contextual and it's all real. Case in point. So I have a lot of tattoos. So if you're watching, like, I've got. I've got full sleeves, a lot of tattoos, and there are people who will see my tattoos and think nothing of it. You know, no judgment, no anything. Totally fine. Perspective is clean because there's nothing on the back side of it that would lead them to believe anything different. I was at the grocery store a while back, and there was a lady behind me, and for no reason, she just keeps sighing at me. And so I turned around and I said, ma' am, is everything okay? And she proceeded to string a few profanities at me, and just so much anger and frustration. And I just looked at her, I said, ma' am, I'm not sure what's going on, but I'm not sure that your frustration is with me. And I just want you to know that for whatever you're experiencing, I'm really sorry and do you need a hug? And she just wept in the line. And so we checked out. And I was like, can we just. Do you have any perishables? Can we just sit and talk for a minute? And so we sat, and she explained to me that her son was an addict and that her son, the week before, had lost his life to what she believed was an accidental overdose and that everyone who sold him drugs was covered in tattoos. So I became, through her perspective, a mechanism to push her grief on, which is why my perspective is to not judge people, because I never know what's going on. So there's always going to be a lens that we get to look through in which we see the world. And our trauma informs that, our belief informs that, our socioeconomic background enforces that, our spiritual upbringing, like, everything is a filter, and it's not. And so our responsibility, as we grow and we become more aware, is to recognize what filters are useful and what filters are not useful. It's not a conversation of good or bad. Right. That's just Construct but what's useful and what's not useful. And you have to get real. Like you actually need to be very, very mindful to this because for some of us, again, even though it's maybe not healthy and it doesn't get us what we think we want, it's useful because it confirms what we believe we deserve.

[Preston]

That's like full circle of the paradox.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah, right. So when all you've known is chaos, peace may be what you say that you want, but peace is actually a threat. And because peace is a threat, you don't feel you deserve peace. This was a story of me and my wife. I would create scenarios to create friction when I was dating my wife, because my entire beliefs, because I grew up in a lot of friction, I grew up in a lot of chaos. I grew up trying to do my best as a young single digit child to manage and mitigate the emotions of very, very mentally unstable adults. Suicidal ideation, a lot of things that a kid should not experience. But what that taught me was that, and that was the only time I received affection. And so then as you grow up, it is I'm love looks like putting out a fire. And so if we're not putting out fires, then I don't know that you. I'm not worth loving because I need you to see that, like I'm actually really good at this. And my wife is the most peaceful human being you will ever meet. I mean she's German, so don't piss her off, but she is the most, yeah, she is the most peaceful, loyal, family driven, extraordinary. My wife is the, she is the greatest evidence of grace that I have in my life. And when all you've known is chaos and you're with someone who all they are is peace, you don't feel like you deserve it because you've never had it or experienced. So it's a threat. And so the greatest gift she would give me is when she knew I was trying to create friction because she, she knows me and she knew my trauma and she knew everything I experienced and she knows she was, I was working through it. She would look at me and she'd say, hey, Brad Pitt, obviously, like a Teemu version, you know what I'm saying? Like squint 50 yards away in the dark when it's raining. And she said, we're doing fight club today. And what that did was that was a trigger to me to say, oh yeah, I don't, I don't have to choose this. And for most of us there's always A split second. Like, there's going to be a split second whether you're going to yell at your kid or you're going to do something different. And you're going to want to yell because your parents yelled and it got the point across. And you want to get the point across because you want to be the authority. You want to yell at your employees, you want to yell at your team. You want to get pissed off, because that's going to prove authority, because that's the way that authority was proven to you. And that's the perspective and the lens that we push through is that everything has to be volatile, everything has to be aggressive, because that's what I've known, and that's what put me in check. But is that the most useful? Right. Does it confirm what I actually want or does it confirm what I believe currently, which isn't actually what. Like, we have to create the discernment around that.

[Preston]

It's amazing how life is. Some of our greatest teachers and our wives and kids can be.

[Cody Jefferson]

We'll choose to allow them to be.

[Preston]

You told two stories, and in one story, you had an antagonist coming at you.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah. And then I was the antagonist.

[Preston]

You gave her time. And in another story, you were the antagonist and they gave you time. And in both cases, in time, you were given truth. I was journaling a while back, and I'm a business guy. Like, I love psychology. I love people. I think we share that love. But I think I love psychology more to fix my own.

[Cody Jefferson]

Sure.

[Preston]

Than to try to project it onto others. And I journaled. I like staircases. You've probably heard jokes about staircases.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

And this wasn't the one they were joking about. It's a different one. But I kind of came up with a little process for me that it sounds very much like we may be aligned on. And it was. There's like kind of being, becoming, believing, belonging, and blessing. Are these like, five stages of. Of growth. And they all each come with gifts. Being is time. And you took the time to have stillness with this lady, and your wife took the time to have stillness with you. And, you know, in stillness, you can actually review a situation. You can take time and you can look at it and you can make a decision. And decisions are, once you're moving, you can measure it. So there's, you know, all of a sudden, time goes to. To talent. Anything measurable, you can improve upon. Right. Believing is testimony. And I mean, facts tell stories, sell our identities, our stories. It sells us. Right. Belonging is treasure. There's rewards in it. And if you actually get to treasure, you don't have to stop because there's another one that's blessing. And I tell you sometimes when I'm journaling, I'm writing and I'm getting a truth that I wish I could freaking come out with on my own. But I then take what I wrote and I try to live it, and I fail miserably. But blessing is the most beautiful one. Cause you actually get two gifts. You get truth, but if you'll take it, you get trust. Because it grows you a little higher than the last one. And I'm hearing two similar stories where you're kind of going through these five steps with just, like, magic that you could call grace, which you've mentioned before. And it sounds like your wife and you have. Have gotten this grace.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah. And through grace, you find peace for.

[Preston]

Those that are addicted to problem solving.

[Cody Jefferson]

Sure.

[Preston]

Which I think at some levels, because I don't want to, like, knock all problems and I don't want to, like, kill the addiction completely. Like, I get tied up in this issue. Like, a sale is a solution to a problem. So some problems are good. Sure. Like, what's the best way to underwrite choosing your problems? Like, because most people would not have handled the woman at the grocery store the way you did. And most wives would probably not handle you the way your bride did. How. How do you achieve that? That being that time stage where you where you can just, like, own into the other human being and. And. And remove judgment, eliminate your own perspective, dive into perception. And. And like, it's a.

[Cody Jefferson]

It's a practice, and it takes time. It's. So think of it as almost like a square. And so there's like, your truth in any given scenario. And then, like, so say it's you and your wife. Or you can say it's you and a colleague. You could say it's you and a team member. It's whoever. So there's your perspective. But then I always want to pause so that I can see their perspective. And then I want to see God's perspective based on the evidence of scripture. And then I want to know a third party. If somebody was not emotionally connected and completely subjected to this conversation, what would their perspective be? And then for me, one of the frames that I use just personally, because I'm a dad, is if my kids were present to this conversation, if they were present to how I'm going to handle this potential confrontation, how would I want them to see not just their dad, but a man Navigate through this scenario. What is the standard that I'm setting? Because every day we're setting a standard, and it may not be the one that we want, but it's one that we choose.

[Preston]

When I lost my father, you just hit a coincidence. I've met some Christians who are like, oh, God told me this, or whatever, and I've never heard the audible voice of God. I've never had a, you know, God come out of a cloud, Preston, do this now. You know, it's just. It's never happened. But every time there's coincidences, there's clues, and I like to follow them. I like to dig into them. Because normally there's. You know, sometimes there's paradoxes at the end, which is like, just. I think you need a paradox to find faith. That's the leap we make of faith. Right? And when I lost my dad, I was rocked, and I did a meditation, and I went in, and I dove deep into my own pain on my perspective, and then I worked on seeing it from his, and I asked the question, like, what does God need me to learn from this moment? And you literally just ran through that exact thing. I don't. I would not be the man I am today had I not done that exercise. I try to do that monthly when I argue with my wife. I try to do that when. When I have a problem with my child. Like, I mean, I. I feel like our problems in this life are meant to break us down. Or if not, maybe breaking us down, break us through. You know, we don't call it falling in love because there's a controlled landing. Right?

[Cody Jefferson]

Right.

[Preston]

Maybe that's why when you hit bottom, you break through. I love. And I just need to compliment you there. Like, I don't know where you've gotten this wisdom and Cracker Jack boxes. I am so gonna invest in Cracker Jack boxes.

[Cody Jefferson]

I used to just get them for the prize, but there's a lot of information on the back that's useful.

[Preston]

I love your sense of humor and your wisdom, bro. It's. It's profound. You're like, we're in a relatively short amount of time underwriting ways that entrepreneurs can step into their own mind and solve their problems from within so that externally, they can go back and lead.

[Cody Jefferson]

You just gotta choose who you want to be. We're making choices every single day, and the choices that we make in the actions we take confirm the beliefs. So you get to choose, like, for me, for my wife and I. Like, we grew up. We grew up in houses where There was some yellings. We choose not to yell. We just don't want that to be our frame. There are ways in which I have an amazing dad, worked a lot, still works a lot, and wasn't able to be a lot of the things. He's a single parent and he was doing the best that he could. It's incredible. For me, one of the. One of the choices that I make is that I want to be the most present, active father that I can be. And I want to show my son that that's possible, that money doesn't have to be hard, that money isn't scarce, that we are solution seekers, that we are gracious, that we are kind, that we're patient, that we're forgiving, were strong providers, protectors, pioneers. Which means that that's. That's why my habits confirm my identity. It's not just for me. Because one day. How old is your son?

[Preston]

8?

[Cody Jefferson]

8 months? 10? One day they're going to grow up and your son's going to graduate and he's going to go out and he's going to embrace life and he's going to be in a graduation cap, and you're going to look at him and you're going to say, I'm so proud of you. Proud to be your dad. I'm proud of who you are. I'm proud of the man that you're becoming. Anything that you put your mind to, you can do in this life. He's going to say one of two things. He's going to say, I know, Dad. I watched you. I watched you fight through all your trauma, watched you fight through your demons. I watched you fight through your propensity to stay stuck and to stay in old patterns. I watched you fight to become the man that God's called you to be. I watched you every single day, so I know I can. Or. Or he's gonna look at you and there's gonna be fear in his eyes and he's gonna say, I want to believe you. But you didn't. It's a choice. Every day we're making choices, but the choices don't just impact us. Because if you don't transform your trauma, you're going to transmit it to them. And you'll transmit it to your spouse and you'll transmit it to your teams. You'll transmit it to the world.

[Preston]

I love that message. If it's not worth doing for yourself, who's it worth it for? Is it worth it for your kids? Is it worth it for your spouse? Is it Worth it for your team. Who's it worth becoming a better man or a woman or an entrepreneur for? That is a beautiful message. Cody, what are you. What are you supporting right now? Like, what are your initiatives in life? Because you. You don't come across to me. Even though I know you're a phenomenal entrepreneur, I know you're a phenomenal coach, I know you're a phenomenal leader, but you're not money driven. Like, you don't have the fancy cars. You don't have the.

[Cody Jefferson]

Listen, man, I got an 84 GMC. I got a 95 powerstroke. I'm sorry, I got an 89 Bronco 2. Listen, man, you just can't say. You can't crawl a Lambo up a mountain. I can't throw. I can't throw a deer in the back of a Porsche. I don't like what I like.

[Preston]

What are your initiatives? What are your missions outside? Because money doesn't seem to be it. I mean, I think you do well with that.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah, I mean, money solves most problems. So I want to make as much money as I can because I want to help more girls get long term restoration from human trafficking. I'm a part of the Demand project, which is the largest initiative for long term Restoration for Girls trafficked 11 to 17. Over 2 million kids trafficked annually under 600 beds in the country for long term restoration. Most of these girls end up back in foster care where parents don't know how to care for them, so they're passed around only confirming that they're worthless and not worth the chance of loving. Not because they're not, but because people don't understand the trauma that they've experienced. Or they end up back in the homes where most of them were trafficked in the first place because DHS can't step in. We're a part of this initiative. We're the largest in the country and we have 30 beds, 30 for 2 million. So that is an initiative that I'm very passionate about. And yes, prayer is important, and yes, talking about is important. But you know what solves that problem more than anything is money. So I want as much money as I can. Not for me, but money moves the mission forward. And so I am incredibly money driven. Not for the love of money, but for the love of what money can do. And money can change lives and money can save lives. Outside of that, I am one of the proudest fathers that you will ever meet. And there are far too many kids who did not have active present dads in their life. So being heavily involved in the school system, being heavily involved in athletics with my kids is incredibly important. Not just because I want to be present for them, but for every kid who doesn't have a father who's present. I want to stand in the gap there. I want at the end of this life that I reach the end. And it is well done, good and faithful servant, that when my sons stand over my casket, that it's not going to be about the cars that I drove or the money that I made, that there's going to be a line going out of the church of people who want to come shake my son's hands, of people that they've never met and that I've never met whose were impacted because of the work that we've done.

[Preston]

That's powerful, brother.

[Cody Jefferson]

That's it. And a trophy husband for my wife.

[Preston]

If. If there's a link to that, your. Your group, I'd love to put that in the show notes.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah, I mean, you can. You can find me@cody jefferson.com. everything is in there. From. From everything that we run organizationally to how to get involved with the demand project, Everything.

[Preston]

Cody, I want to thank you. You've come on problems to profit after giving, serving, moving, working with people, dealing with loss. And I. I don't really know that you've slept this last few days because I don't see how you've done that.

[Cody Jefferson]

Not really.

[Preston]

Even today, as you were dealing with more losses, you came and said, no, I'm happy to do the show. I want to. I want to support you.

[Cody Jefferson]

Yeah.

[Preston]

And I'm just honored to have you and I'm honored for this.

[Cody Jefferson]

Teaching calling is bigger than consternation.

[Preston]

Where can people find more of Cody Jefferson? Where can people get a daily dose of your wisdom and your truth? Where can they go to all of.

[Cody Jefferson]

Our social channels, Instagram, Facebook. You can even shoot me a message. I don't have a cool va or anything that answers them for me. If you reach out one of the agreements that I made with God, not that it needed to be made because God is God, but that I ever became too big or too cool or, you know, too busy to. To not respond to the people who are just looking for support or an ear or somebody to hear to their story, because I believe everybody has a powerful story. We're just always looking for someone to listen. We're a culture that's desperate to be known, but we settle every day for being seen. If I can help to know somebody happy to give that time I want.

[Preston]

To say thank you and that I am truly honored at the way you've given and served to our community today.

[Cody Jefferson]

Thank you.

[Preston]

And to all of you listening, I want you to have an amazing day on purpose, with purpose, and maybe with a new understanding of how to deal with yourself, so that as you move forward through your business, your problems and your life, you can do so with integrity, character, purpose, like the example that we've had here set for us today. Cody, would you do me a favor and we'll do something a little awkward and different.

[Cody Jefferson]

Sure.

[Preston]

Than what you're normally going to get on a podcast.

[Cody Jefferson]

Okay.

[Preston]

Will you end us in a brief prayer?

[Cody Jefferson]

Of course I will. I'll pray over you in a prayer that I've prayed many times. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace again. May you experience the grace, God's unmerited favor, that there's nothing you can do to earn it, to deserve it. It is given to, in his peace, a divine reconciliation. That everything in this life is happening for you, not to you, not at you. That you are here on purpose, for purpose, with purpose and by purpose. There are no accidents in this life. You are not an accident. You are divinely called for such a time as this. So I pray that health and healing flow through your body, that everything that you touch would prosper. That you are blessed coming into this conversation, you are blessed coming out of this conversation. That you would be a beacon of light on a hill that no man could hide. That there would be nothing that could could cancel the call on your life to equip, to lead and to become who it is that Christ has called in you. We give you thanks, Lord, for the life that we've been given. May we not take it for granted. May we say the things that need be said, experience forgiveness for the things in our own lives that need to experience forgiveness. And may we not procrastinate and arrogantly assume that you're going to give us one more day to do the things that you've called us to today. We thank you for the gift and the opportunity to be who you've called us to be. Christ's name. Amen.

[Preston]

Amen. Thank you, brother.