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Mari Llewellyn
This is the Pursuit of Wellness podcast and I'm your host, Mari Llewellyn. Hi guys. Welcome back to the show. How crazy. As you can tell by the title, I am pregnant. Oh my God. Can't believe I'm saying that out loud. I also have not recorded the show in over two months. I took two months off social media. I have basically been a hermit for two months. I have barely left my house and I've been in such a bubble and there's so much that has happened also, so little that's happened. But I have so much to share with you guys. If you follow me on Instagram, I finally announced that I was pregnant once I hit the 12 week mark with my pregnancy. And I was really nervous to do so because I felt like I was in this bubble where, I don't know, like I love, love, love my community so much. Like, especially on this podcast, I feel like you guys have seen me through it all and I feel very connected with you guys and especially with my fertility journey and my IVF journey, I just felt, I don't know, really connected. It's such a special experience, you know, but when you put things out on social media, you never know where they're going to land. You're opening yourself up for feedback. And I kind of was just enjoying being in my bubble, but I was also so excited to share so very mixed emotions. I also think, you know, when you go through infertility for two I, I went through it for two years, some people go through it for longer. When you experience loss, etc. Etc. It's almost hard to believe that it's real. Like, I feel like I have to remind myself constantly like, you really are pregnant. And I think sometimes I feel like I'm living in a dream because I've just waited so long for it that it's hard to grasp. You know, I literally got an ultrasound done yesterday to make sure little one was still in there. And I don't know, I know that sounds crazy and I'm getting too in depth too quickly here, but I just, you know, it's just crazy to even talk about it honestly for me and it's so surreal. And I know I left you guys on such a cliffhanger. Like the last time I recorded, I was about to do my transfer. I was so nervous. I was in such a, like that head space. I was so worried about it not working and I was in such a, like, I didn't want to jinx anything. I was so scared to even talk about it. And I knew that the second I did my transfer, I would delete social media because I was like, whether or not it works or not, I need to experience that privately. And I. It's honestly the first time in my career that I didn't share and that I stopped working pretty much for two months. And it was a really crazy feeling. And I'm honestly very grateful that I did that and very happy that I did that, because I think. I think content regarding this topic is very important. I know there's a lot of discourse about that online right now. And as someone who personally went through infertility, I think it's so valuable to share your experience, especially when you are a healthy person with a good mindset. I always tried to stay as positive as possible. Sometimes for unexplained reasons, you just can't get pregnant. And it's not your fault. It's not because you're not manifesting it, quote, unquote, if you know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. I think that content is so valuable and I'm really happy that I shared my experience. I just think people who haven't gone through it don't understand the pain. Like, no, of course not. Right. Like, people who haven't experienced infertility or loss will never understand that deepness of the pain that you feel. And seeing other people experience it is really helpful because I think we are surrounded, I mean, day to day life by people who get pregnant easily or celebrities getting whatever. It's everywhere. I left you guys on a cliffhanger. I deleted social media, obviously. Now I'm pregnant. And I want to tell you guys the full story of what happened. Because it wasn't just, I think in my head, I had this vision that once I was pregnant, everything would be amazing. And it. It is like I am the happiest I've ever been. But there was some bumps in the road for sure, and some anxieties I was not anticipating. And I want to fill you guys in on that because I think it's important and tell you the full story. So we're gonna hop into that. I also want to acknowledge since I left the podcast, I launched a podcast network, which is crazy, with my business partner, Michaela Phillips, who's incredible. It's called the Pursuit Network. As you can see on the screen next to me, we have some incredible talent who join the network. We have Sam Christine, who's Sam C. Fit on Instagram with her show Empower. She's amazing. She's a mum, she's fit, she's gorgeous. We have Louisa Nicole who is a neuroscientist insane with the Neuro Experience podcast. And we have Re and Slim for the Healthy Hoes podcast. So an amazing lineup of talent and I'm just so excited to be a part of a network that's doing things differently. I've been in networks before where, you know, I think it looks a certain way front facing and publicly it's like kind of glamorous and like people really, I don't know, look up to these certain networks or, you know, whatever as talent and as someone who also runs a business. I never found a place where I felt fully happy and I wanted to create that. So we're really, really excited to be doing that. And we'll put more information in the description box below of where you can listen to the shows if you know someone who'd want to join the network. We'll put all that info down below. Let's talk about my pregnancy story. My embryo transfer was on March 20th and it was a very magical day for me. I was, I couldn't believe it. I was like, this is the day that I get pregnant. Like they are going to impregnate me. And the way embryo transfers work is you're basically pregnant until proven otherwise, which is kind of sad. But you know, it's like a 50, 50 chance of the embryo sticking, honestly. And I did this whole protocol leading up to the transfer, if you follow me on Tick Tock, you know, I was doing acupuncture twice a week, I was wearing fuzzy socks, I warm foot baths, I was drinking pomegranate juice, I was eating Brazil nuts. Like I really was making it my whole mission for this transfer to work. But I also, you know, I tend to be a bit of a, like I have kind of an obsessive personality. And yeah, I was just very anxious for it to work because I've been in this journey for so long. And honestly, I was lucky that I got enough embryos to where I could do the transfer right away and I didn't have to do another round of ivf. I don't know how I could have because my egg retrieval experience was so bad and so many people have positive experiences, by the way. I want to say, like anyone doing an egg retrieval, I don't want you to be afraid because of my experience, but I just had such a, such a, such a bad reaction to the egg retrieval. It was so painful. But anyway, the day of transfer, Greg came back there with Me, they gave me a Valium. That's the only drug they gave me. I had to drink a gallon of water and hold it because it makes it easier for them. And I guess I drank too much water. They were like, how is your bladder holding this much water? Like they measured it and they had to give me this bucket with like measurements of how much water to release. And I would go and pee in it because I drank too much water. I got my bladder to the right point. They brought me out a photo of the embryo, which is the craziest experience. It's like this cell and their cell. They like dethawed it that morning and it was starting to hatch. And keep in mind, I don't know the gender. Didn't pick the gender. I know the gender now, which is going to kill you guys. I know. But I didn't at the time. And I was just. I started crying immediate. I saw this picture of this embryo. I was like, oh my God, that could be my baby. And they wheeled me back into the surgery room, which is the same room I did my egg retrieval in. So it was like kind of scary. All these nurses and people are running around. But I had Greg next to me holding my hand. And basically they tell you to stay as still as possible. They put you on the bed. And he essentially impregnated me. And I watched the whole thing on a screen. It was insane. I literally like had my. My mouth was open the whole time and I watch him implant the embryo in my uterus. And Greg's watching and he's just like, oh my God, this is insane. It was magical. I was like, wow, this is the craziest day of my life. And then afterwards we. I think they made me lay there for a little bit and then I got dressed. And there's sort of a tradition in the IVF world that you go get french fries after you do your transfer. It helps it stick. And most people go to McDonald's. You guys know me. I am not putting canola oil in my body. No, no, no. So I went to NADC Burger here in Austin, which is not a damn chance burger. It's amazing. And they only use tallow. So we went and got burgers and fries made in tallow. And it was incredible. And then I went home and took it easy. Like I laid on the couch, I went on some walks. And then from there you, you have a two week waiting window to find out if you are pregnant. And I knew this would be the hardest window of my life to get through. Because I am someone that, like, I'm a control freak. I need to know what's going on. But something about IVF like, changed me not to sound cringy or, like, embarrassing or whatever. I just felt like IVF was such a patience game, which I didn't anticipate. You're always waiting for calls. How many embryos did you get? Did they make it through genetic testing? Like, you have to wait to get your period to do the transfer. Like, you're always waiting. And there's so many things that can happen to delay. Like, they could have delayed my transfer. I found out the day before that it was confirmed. And if they'd canceled my transfer, I seriously don't even want to know how upset I would have been because I was so set on this transfer happening. So at this point, I had a two week wait window. And in this window, a lot of girls start taking at home pregnancy tests on like day five. And I told myself I'm not at home testing because there's a lot of cases where people get false negatives. And I mean, getting a negative would have crushed me. I mean, I've been getting negative pregnancy tests for two years. And I just, I'm honestly terrified of pregnancy tests at this point because they crushed me so many times. So. And I didn't want to get a false positive either. And I just had so many people tell me it wasn't worth doing. So I didn't touch pregnancy tests. I didn't even have them in the house. I basically was just going based on my symptoms. And I could definitely feel in my body that I was pregnant. And I didn't really want to fully attach to it. I didn't want to get too excited, but I could feel certain things like this like, pulling sensation in my uterus. Like every time I would get out of bed or roll over, I would have this, like, pulling in my uterus. I can't describe it. Like a pinching almost. So I would, like, Google that. And then I also noticed my boobs really hurt. They still hurt, honestly. And they were getting really big. Like, I hosted Greg's birthday at our house during this two week window. And everyone was like, your boobs are huge. And I was like, I know. But I thought maybe it's from the hormones. Like, at this point, I'm still doing injections every night. I'm doing pills, I'm doing suppositories. Like, I was like, maybe it's all the hormones they have me on, but I could just feel. I really thought that I was. And I was like, you know, if they tell me I'm not, I'll be really surprised. But it's this crazy feeling of like gearing yourself up for either the best day of your life or the worst day of your life. And I know that's kind of dramatic and I'm lucky I had other embryos just in case. But like going through that again, I mean, two weeks feels like a lifetime, right? If you're going to invest in anything, I recommend investing in good, solid cookware. It makes such a difference for your health. I don't think most people realize, but a lot of the cheaper pans on the market have PFAs, PFOAs, PTFEs, LEAD, Catamum, other harmful chemicals. And those are things you don't want leaking into your food or your body. It just has long term health effects we don't need. I've done lots of episodes about this. I also think the fact that Americans on average spend $3,000 a year on dining out can easily be fixed by cooking fun meals at home. I have been a little bit of a hermit the past couple months and we've been cooking a ton, lots of fun food like pastas and steaks and yummy food. And I love using my Caraway cookware. It's like my favorite cookware in our kitchen. It looks gorgeous on the stove and I just think cooking at home is more intimate and fun. Obviously eating out every now and again is great, but I really think cooking needs to come back and needs to be trendy again because it really is the best and you can control the oils you're using, the sources you're using, and make sure you're really getting the best ingredients. My personal favorite product from Caraway right now is the wood cutting boards. Not a lot of people realize when you're cutting on plastic cutting boards you're getting microplastics in your food, which just gives me anxiety. So I really, really love the wood cutting boards. If you have been eyeing their Internet famous 12 piece cookware set, now is the perfect time to buy. You can shop Caraway risk free, enjoy fast, free shipping, easy returns and a 30 day trial. Plus, if you visit CarawayHome.com Mari M A R I you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. This deal is exclusive for our listeners, so visit carawayhome.commari or use code MARI at checkout. You can Caraway Non Toxic Cookware Made Modern I recently took out my extensions and I am on a journey of growing My hair. And while I'm pregnant, I'm definitely focusing on using good products and also using silk pillowcases. I'm absolutely obsessed with my Blissey pillowcase. I didn't know sooner, but satin is so bad for you. And Blissey's silk is an incredible game changer. A lot of dermatologists will tell you it's a skill skin care secret. It really helps with fine lines and healthier hair. I have seen such a difference with using my silk pillowcase. I wake up and my hair is less frizzy, more smooth and looks the way it looked when I styled it. I have noticed healthier hair and healthier skin. It has anti aging properties. It's dermatologist tested and recommended. Clinically proven to not clog pores. I struggled with acne for so long, that's the last thing I want to be doing. It's also naturally cooling and breathable, so no more sweaty nights. It's also easy to care for and machine washable. I am obsessed with my Blissey pillowcase. I need it to be on my bed at all times. Because you're a listener. Blissey is offering 60 nights risk free, plus an additional 30 off when you shop at Blissey.com PowerPod that is B L-I-S-S-Y-.com PowerPod P O W P O D and use code POW POD to get an additional 30 off your skin and hair. Well, thank you. Then comes the day of my pregnancy test and I think it was March 31st. You go in for a blood test, they call you later that day and they tell you whether you're positive or negative. This day was excruciating. I think I went in at like 8am, got my blood test and then literally sat by the phone the entire day waiting for that call. And I had Greg with me. I was like, babe, you need to come home from work early because I want you to be there when we get the call. Because if it's bad, I need you to pick me up off the ground because I will not be okay. And if it's positive, I want you there too. After this episode, I'm recording a Q A with Greg so you guys can hear from his perspective and we can answer a bunch of your questions. But I saw a lot of people being like, how did you tell Greg? I didn't really get the experience of like surprising Greg because he literally watched them impregnate me and then he was there with me. But I remember I was like losing my mind at the house. And we decided to go on a walk, and we take the dogs, and we're walking around the neighborhood, and I'm waiting for this call, and I have my phone on loud, and I know the exact yard we were walking past when I got this call. We're doing laps. We walk. We're walking. And I get the phone call. And I'm so dramatic, guys, with these phone calls. Like, they are. I mean, getting calls about your embryos or your kids or. It's just, like, terrifying. So I answer this call, and it was a Monday. And she goes, congratulations, you're positive. And I hit. Literally fell on the floor. And I was crying and going, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I'm like, greg's there, and he's. He's, like, freaking out. But Greg always just laughs when he's excited. Like, he just has this dolphin laugh that he does. And right when I got that call, a blue jay landed. And this is, you know, a little spiritual, but a blue jay landed right in a tree above us. And Greg was like, oh, my God, a blue jay. Like, that must mean something. We're just freaking out together. The nurse on the phone was like, are you okay? And I was like, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. And she's like, okay, you need to come back in two days for an HCG test. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Oh, my gosh. So we hung up the phone. I literally just had my hand over my mouth, and we're walking up the street, and I'm like, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. Best day of my life for sure. And I wasn't 100 sure of, like, if I would tell people at that point, because I'd been told, like, you kind of want to wait a couple days to be sure. But I was so excited. We, like, immediately called Greg's parents, called my mum, called my dad. I told a bunch of my friends. Like, I really was just so excited. And also, everyone in my life knew I was doing an embryo transfer. I wasn't very secretive about it. I mean, I literally told the whole Internet. So I didn't really. Like, everyone wanted to know, and I didn't want to just, like, leave everyone hanging. Best day of my life. Hands down, craziest feeling. All of it was worth it. All of that hard work, all of the tears and the pain and the sadness. Like, it just felt like, wow, it's happening for me and for Greg, and this is when things took a little bit of a turn. So I found out I was positive on Monday. I go back Wednesday and they test my hcg. Your HCG is supposed to rise during pregnancy and it's supposed to double every two days. So that's really the telling sign of a healthy pregnancy at the beginning. And HCG is a big thing in the IVF world. I did remove myself from social media because I knew if I saw certain numbers or people's experiences, like, I would end up inevitably comparing my experience, my numbers to theirs. But I did end up on these threads on the Internet about what HCG levels people had, how quickly they doubled, whatever. But I didn't really think about it that hard. I was like, I'm positive I'm pregnant. I go in for my HCG test Wednesday. I'm waiting for the call all day, and again I'm, I'm terrified. And I just feel like a lot of my IVF experience was just me being terrified constantly. Like this awful feeling of, like, I can't explain it. You're just in fear all the time. And it's hard to shake that. Right. I get the call, I hear in the tone of her voice that something's wrong. And you know that feeling. My stomach sings. I'm like, like, what is she about to say? And she starts her sentence with, unfortunately, your HCG is quite low. It didn't double. I think it went from a 98 to a 119. Like, I literally still remember the numbers. That's how scarred I am from this experience. And. And she goes, the doctor's really concerned, you need to come back on Friday and we need to test again. And I am like, I'm beside myself. Like, I could barely drive home. I was at the acupuncturist and I had to tell Greg. And Greg's, you know, Greg is like always strong, front facing, but I knew he was also panicking. And I texted my IVF doctor and I said, please, can I talk to you? You know, the nurse said, you can feel free to reach out to him. And I did. And I was like, please, can we talk? He was like, I'll call you after I'm done for the day. And I'm waiting for that call. And it was an awful phone call, like. And also I'd just like to say I love my IVF clinic. I had such an amazing experience with them. I'm so grateful for, to them and nothing they did was wrong. Like, they just have a very conservative approach, which makes sense. And he doesn't sugarcoat things. And he's very honest and very like, he's a smart guy. Obviously calls us that night, I think it was like 6pm and he goes, look, I've seen this happen once before in my clinic and it work out only once. He's like, you have about a 1% chance of this baby being viable and this being a viable pregnancy. And he basically is telling us the next steps of the second transfer because this didn't work. And I'm like, obviously just heartbroken. I, like, I can barely speak about it. And I think it's important that I share that because it gives context as to why I've been more anxious in my pregnancy than I anticipated being. But anyway, this phone call was like really, really heart wrenching to, to be given what you've wanted for two years and then have it taken away and basically told like you're gonna miscarry is. I mean, it's basically like experiencing the loss without. You know what I mean? Like being told you're going to experience it. And I've had friends who have miscarried and watching them go through it, I mean it is, it is a human experience that feels wrong. It's so painful and so many people go through it. I'm just numb for two days waiting for my next blood test. And I'm like, you know, just praying that somehow this 1% chance we have might work out. I go in on Friday, I do the test and I'm kind of like, I'm mentally preparing myself for the worst because what else are you supposed to do? Like, I've been through such heartbreak with this already. I mean, this is my worst nightmare coming to life, honestly. So I do the blood test, I get a call and I'm, I'm refreshing my email, waiting for the lab court results all day and I get the results before I get the call. As I told you guys, it was a 98, a 119. And Greg and I calculated. And by the way, Greg and I are just stuck on chat GPT at this point, like trying to figure out if this might work. And we calculate the number. It needed to be okay, it needed to be like a 240 for this to make sense, for this to work out. I get the email, I think the number was a 280. So it didn't just double, it increased by a lot. And I'm like, that's really interesting. And I'm like, babe, it like more than doubled. And we're both like, we have some hope, but we're still waiting on that call. I get the call waiting for these phone calls, guys. I mean, I've never experienced mental torture like it. And they go, okay, things might be turning up, but they also might not be. We can't get our hopes up. We need to wait through the weekend and have you come back Monday and test again. And I'm like, how am I gonna get through this weekend? Like, genuinely, how am I going to survive? I did, I remember I did like a pottery class with my friends and I was just like a zombie. I, like, had no joy and everyone was like, oh, congratulations. And I remember literally saying, like, yeah, maybe not. I just didn't know what else to say because how do you explain, like, yeah, I'm pregnant, but, like, I might not be. It's just, it's the weirdest feeling. Summer is approaching and hot tip. It is the perfect time to start that side hustle you have been dreaming about. That is essentially how I started my entire business on Shopify when I was selling my PDF workout guides. With Shopify, you can easily set up your online store and start selling your products in no time. The beauty of entrepreneurship is that you don't have to dive in headfirst right away. With their easy to use tools and app, you can manage your business on the go and sell anywhere. That was such a useful tool for me starting my business. I was so new and so young and Shopify made it so easy to get my PDF guides up on a website and start selling. And it really is what fueled us into starting Bloom. Shopify is a powerful set of tools that helps you start and manage your business, whether online or in person. It is designed to make life easier for entrepreneurs, from beginners to big brands, by providing tools that simplify selling. With Shopify, you can easily sell on social media, which is what we did, manage your operations, and even collaborate with other brands. Shopify is your all in one hub for managing and growing your business, whether you're selling online or in person. It's a toolkit for entrepreneurs equipped with everything you need to launch and scale your business effortlessly. We started at such a young, scrappy point and now Bloom is obviously what Bloom is and we've done all of it with Shopify. It's a side hustle summer and it has never been easier to get started than with Shopify. So check it out@shopify.com Mari M A R I if you're ready to build your own empire, whether it's merch products or the next best idea, get on shopify.commari and make it happen shopify.commari you guys know that Greg and I are obsessed with our eight Sleep. We use it every single night. Greg especially has his temperature dialed into a science. He uses it to wake up. He uses it to go to bed. The POD is a high tech mattress cover that you can easily add to your existing mattress to help you sleep better. You don't need to change your mattress or bed frame to get the pod. Think of it as a fitted sheet that can be added to any mattress. 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Eight Sleep recently launched their latest version of Autopilot together with a brand new app. Control your pod at any time. You can manually adjust the temperature and the inclination of your pod. It gives you detailed sleep and health reports every single morning. Autopilot adjusts overview. You can also see what temperatures, adjustments Autopilot made, where you were sleeping and at what time. And they also have smart alarms to help you with waking up. Head over to 8sleep.com pow and use code POW to get 350 off pod for ultra and start experiencing the benefits of Autopilot today. You get 30 days to try it at home and return it if you don't like it. But I am confident you will keep it. So I get through the weekend and I'm a mess. I had a lot of support like Greg obviously. You know, I have a friend who's been through loss and she was there for me and just I was a disaster. Monday comes around, I go and do the blood test. My number has now tripled. More than doubled I think more than that actually. And at this point the doctor says, okay, we need you to come in for an ultrasound because things are looking up. I want to see what's going On. So at this point, I'm like, it might be working. It might be working. I'm so, like, torn here because I'm like, oh, my God, it's working. We go in for the ultrasound. As I said before, my doctor is, like, very to the point. He doesn't sugarcoat things, and I appreciate that about him. I would rather him do that than make me feel hopeful, you know? And he goes, okay, let's see this ultrasound. I'm really hoping, you know, at this point, I'm six weeks pregnant, probably maybe seven, because when they put the embryo in you, you're technically already four weeks pregnant, because the embryo has developed outside of the body, which is crazy. So he's like, I'm hoping to see maybe a heartbeat. He's like, this could be an atopic pregnancy. That would explain the low hcg, which obviously would not be viable. He's kind of warning me that it could be the worst. And I'm, like, laying on the table waiting for him to come in and do the ultrasound, and my heart is pounding. Like, I seriously thought I was going to throw up. I could barely speak. He does the ultrasound, and I'm just like. I can barely look at the screen. I'm like, please, please, please, please. This is the first ultrasound we've done. Okay? There's a spec on the screen, and there's a heartbeat. Like, you see the flicker of the heartbeat, and it's a pretty strong one. And he's like, oh, things look pretty good. He was like, I need to see something about the yolk developing more, or, no, the sack or. I don't know. He's like, things look good. We're a couple days behind of where we should be, but there's a heartbeat. We're feeling hopeful. I mean, I. In that moment, I was ecstatic. But then I was also like, I have to get through another week and wait for my next ultrasound, and I'm gonna be terrified. So for a couple weeks there, I was really in just pure fear. Like, I actually couldn't think about anything else except this baby and these ultrasounds. We get to week seven, the baby's grown, there's a heartbeat. Things are looking good. We don't listen to the heartbeat yet because he didn't want to, like, use a tool that had heat, basically, to hear it. He was like, let's wait another week. We wait another week, it's developed even more. The sack's developing. We hear the heartbeat. Craziest experience of my life. Like, I couldn't believe it. I Think a couple. You know, I. At the IVF clinic, you do scans every week. I know in normal pregnancies, you do scans every four weeks, roughly at the IVF clinic, you're in there every single week, which, for me, loved it. I am like a control freak. I need to see what's going on. Each scan was getting better and better, and I'm still holding my breath every time. I'm basically like, I wasn't. Just to be honest, I wasn't really able to enjoy being pregnant until very recently because I was so afraid. Yeah. Then we finally get to the point where my doctor said, I think things are looking good. Like, we are gonna graduate you from the clinic next week. We're in a good place. And I just, like, couldn't even believe that he was telling me that. And I was also so emotional about graduating because I was like, I. I just was, like, living at this clinic, like, I was there multiple times a week and had been through so much with these people, and I just couldn't believe our baby pulled through. It was seriously a miracle. I'm not definite on this, but I just want to say a major thing that I did when I got that scary news was went to my acupuncturist, my queen. She's amazing. And I have been following, like, Chinese medicine practices throughout my pregnancy. You know, I didn't swim my entire first trimester because I didn't want to have any, like, coldness happening near my womb. She's very big on warmth, keeping the feet warm, drinking room temperature water and drinks. No smoothies, no ice cream, which is really hard in Texas summer. Like, I just allowed myself to do that. And she gave me herbs to support growth. I mean, when I went to see her, I was, like, panicking, and she really stepped in, and she was like, we don't give up yet. We don't give up yet. And she really helped me just have a good mindset about it. She was like, you can't panic. You have to stay calm for the baby. She gave me these herbs, disgusting herbs, like, disgusting. And she was like, you're gonna have a hard time taking these. I would pour the herbs, like, packets, like eight packets of herbs in my mouth and chug them twice a day, actually three times a day at one point. It was brutal. But I seriously think that's a huge reason I was able to pull through, and the baby was able to pull through. And I think something she said really stuck with me. She said, you know, I think the fact that you have PCOS sometimes it slows down the blood flow and maybe that's why the HCG was slow to start. I don't know if this is a very niche thing or if other people have been through this. Like, let me know if you have. I'd be very interested to know. Actually, a friend of mine reached out and said she had, she has four kids and she said she had low HCG with every single baby and she had them stop testing her hcg because she was like, I just had faith and it worked out every time. So if you've been through this or you're going through this, maybe this is helpful. That was, that was a rough start for sure. And since then, I graduated the IVF clinic, which was a crazy experience. I'm like a normal pregnant person now. And I went to my regular obgyn. He did a scan. The baby has now overtaken its growth. So like, my due date was pushed earlier, which is crazy. Every time I see the little one, they're jumping back, flipping like it's crazy. It is honestly the craziest experience. Like, I got to see the baby yesterday and the baby was trying to suck its thumb and like opening its mouth. It was just bizarre. Like, the feet are kicking, the arms are waving, there's elbows, there's fingers. Like you can see a nose. It is crazy. Like, I actually can't even put in words how bizarre it is to see. And I think just after everything I've been through, I. Every time I do an ultrasound, my mouth is like, my jaw is on the floor, I'm like, how is there a little person in me? Like, it's. It is bizarre in the most amazing way. I chose Function because it's the best in the world for testing. It's an all in one health platform with over a hundred advanced lab tests covering your entire body, five times more than the average physical. 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Sign up at www.functionhealth.com pal. You guys know by now I am obsessed with red light therapy. I think it's so beneficial not just for aesthetics like scarring and acne, but I've even been using it like on my body for egg quality and inflammation. Such an amazing tool and I personally love Bon Charge. Bon Charge's mission is clear to empower individuals to live in more fulfilling life through science backed beauty and wellness products. It can be really hard to find time to do all of these wellness habits at home, but what I love about Bon Charge's red light face mask is that it's super easy to incorporate in my routine. You can wear it while you're cooking, meditating, reading a book, making the bed, whatever it may be. You just do it for 10 minutes a day and you are on your way to clearer, firmer and more radiant skin. It's a go to skincare device for me to feel refreshed, confident without costly spa visits. So I think it's really worth the investment to have one of these at home. I've noticed my skin looks so much better. I had acne for 10 years and this has really helped me with my scarring. Plus it's helping me feel like I'm glowing from within. It has made such a big difference with my skin and probably it's like my staple when it comes to skin care. Really helps with redness, scarring in general, etc. Bon Charge's red light devices promise a non invasive approach that utilize specific wavelengths of red and near infrared light to penetrate skin, offering a range of benefits that continue to garner attention from researchers and health professional alike. Go to boncharge.com and use coupon code pursuit to save 15% that's B N C H A R G dot com and use coupon code pursuit to save 15% let's talk about like my symptoms and all that so stuff. I feel like I haven't even touched on that because it was such a crazy journey to get here. But the biggest ones I've kind of been keeping track cuz they've kind of shifted but from the beginning I told you guys, the pinching, the pulling of the uterus, the boobs big and hurt. Okay? The boobs have been consistently getting bigger and bigger and it actually is terrifying. Like I'm. How could they possibly get any bigger? I mean, if you look at pictures of me from before ivf, even during IVF to now, I had small, small boobs, like always kind of have. They are like massive right now. Like, I actually can't believe it. It's hard to get dressed. Like, none of my clothes are made for big boobs. Like, none of my bras fit, none of my sports bras fit, none of my bikinis fit. It's really weird. They hurt like right now. It's actually not that bad. But like a lot of days they hurt to the touch. I can't really jog because when I move they like really hurt and they like ache. So that's been one consistent symptom. I would say fatigue has been a big one. And that one kind of fluctuates like over the weekend. This past weekend I was exhausted from like 11am onwards. Usually it hits me around like 3 or 4 and I'm just kind of like down for the count and I really let myself rest. And then my nausea has been so, so mild. Like, and I know I'm super lucky and I, part of me wonders if the universe is giving me a break because it saw everything I went through. And maybe I'm having a little bit of a breather with the symptoms, but I haven't thrown up once. My nausea is pretty much only, usually only first thing in the morning and I have to eat something right away and then it usually goes away within like an hour. But I've had days where the nausea kind of like comes in waves. And again, it's not that bad. But definitely like, you know, if Greg's making salmon, I'm like, that is disgusting. But then some days I can eat the salmon. So it really just depends. But I think in general, like, compared to some girls experiences, I feel really, really good. It's weird though. I feel like my symptoms actually ramped up around 12 weeks. I felt like they were very mild. Like I had some days where I was like, I feel completely normal. And I'll be honest, that freaked me out. Like just after everything I went through, I was like, is, is everything okay? Am I something wrong? Like, you know, I've had a lot of having to work through those anxieties and I'm still occasionally going through that just being really paranoid about doing something wrong or I don't even know. It's, it's crazy because they are so protected in there and there's like not much you can do wrong. But when you go through, like, what I went through, you're just so scared, you know? Their symptoms have ramped up a little bit the past couple days. Also, just being so hungry. Like, I have to eat every hour. I go everywhere with snacks now, like sliced apple, crackers, cheese. I just have to have something on me because if I go too long without eating, I don't feel good. So in terms of working out and nutrition, I was told by my clinic to not work out those first few weeks. Like, don't pick up anything heavy. And keep in mind, like, this is coming from an IVF clinic. Like, they're obviously very conservative. Most women are fine to work out, but yeah, they said don't work out. I think I got cleared to start working out around maybe nine or 10 weeks. And I started super duper slow. Like, very lightweight, very slow movements. I was still walking. Like, I was pretty much getting, like, close to 10, 000 steps every day. That was my exercise. But I definitely missed weightlifting. It just helps me mentally and helps my body image. Like, there's just so much that it helps me with. So since that point, I've really, like, gotten more comfortable, and now I'm weight lifting probably four days a week. Definitely not, like, going crazy. And I'm not doing any core or abs. So I stopped going to Pilates, which is sad, but it just feels like a lot of core. So I've been weightlifting in my gym and walking, which feels really good. I do it first thing in the morning. And then nutrition, I mean, it's pretty similar. I just eat more often and smaller quantities maybe. I don't know. I just definitely eat more often. And I try to focus on protein, but I probably eat more carbs because, like, that's kind of like what makes me feel better. Biggest cravings have been lemonade. That's like a huge craving for me. And sandwiches are the biggest ones. And also before I talk about nutrition, I know that so many people have strong opinions one way or the other about food when they're pregnant. And I just think that everyone's different and, like, everyone should do what they're most comfortable with. I think in general, I take a very conservative approach in some ways, but not other ways. Like, I think. So I ordered this book called Expecting Better. Emily Oster is the author. She's an economist, and she talks about how when you're pregnant, they pretty much just tell you, like, oh, you can't eat deli meat, you can't eat sushi, you can't drink Alcohol, you can't have coffee. And there's really no, like rhyme or reason behind it and no statistics. And she basically went and gathered all the statistics on the different things they tell you you can't do. And in this book, she tells everyone, like, the statistics on why you should or shouldn't eat these things. Okay, so I read this book. I haven't read the whole thing, but I've read a lot of it because there's certain things I definitely don't want to do. I don't want to drink alcohol, I don't want to have too much caffeine. I probably won't eat raw fish, at least in my first trimester. But like the deli meat, for example, she talked about how it's a super low statistic chance of you getting sick and the highest chance is with turkey. So I kind of made the mental decision, I'll avoid turkey, but I'll eat the other things. And then there's like a whole tuna fish part where the mercury isn't great for the kid, so you want to limit to tuna, but you can have it every once in a while. I just think people have these rules in their head and they don't know why. Like, there's a lot of old fashioned things. I just have made decisions on my own for myself, you know, and I think that's something I'm like nervous about sharing because I just know people love to give unsolicited advice based on their beliefs. But I just think everyone should come up with their own rule book, you know? So, yeah, I've been definitely focused on protein. One thing that I did that's kind of weird was I've been eating, like, have fish eggs quite frequently because of the DHA. There's a scientist I love called Dr. Rhonda Patrick who is so smart, go look her up. She has her own podcast. She's been on Joe Rogan, and she ate fish eggs throughout her pregnancy because they find that the DHA in the eggs is more potent than in the fish and it really helps with the baby's brain development. So Greg orders me these wild Alaskan fish eggs. It is a little bit disgusting. And I at first was like, how am I gonna eat this? Like, I'm so grossed out. But I put it on a cracker with butter and it's honestly fine. I don't do it every day. I do it a couple times a week. That's like one weird thing I've been doing. I've also just been trying to be pretty clean in general, like avoiding seed oils, like all the beliefs I had already, you know. But I do allow myself to, like, have a few more indulgences. Like, for example, if I'm really tired, I don't feel well, I'll let myself order tacos or maybe a sandwich. Like, I don't necessarily. Like, I'm not clean 24 7, but most of the time I am. And I just make sure I get those nutrients in. I feel like I've been really into fruit. That's a big thing. Drinking tons of water. Currently with my caffeine, I'm having one matcha a day, maybe two. Like, that's kind of what I'm doing. I mean, I avoid fast food. I'm not into that, you know. You know, we can do a whole other episode about products and toxins and things, you know, that I'm avoiding or using. But I think it would be good to get an expert on the show to talk about that as well, because I actually still have questions and I'm not like an expert. So I definitely want to get to that point where we bring people on to discuss. And I have a few great ideas and we have some amazing guests in the pipeline. Like one that I'm so excited about coming in June. And if you still have questions, Greg is coming on next week to answer those questions. We're going to do that together. I got so many questions. Oh, my goodness. I mean, me disappearing from social media and then coming back with that announcement, I have never in my life had so much like love. It's so crazy. And I am so appreciative of everyone who's shared their well wishes. It's seriously so heartwarming and special. And I'm so excited to share this with you guys. I mean, this. I've waited for this my whole life. And I'm very fascinated by the development process and just everything that I can do to help the baby and what I can eat and just all the things. I think it's very interesting. So I appreciate you guys sticking around through my two month hiatus. Thank you for returning. I'm gonna be doing one episode a week. I'm definitely, you know, I'm back at work as of today, but I'm coming back a little bit differently, I think. You know, the old me was like, fill the calendar to the brim, say yes to everything. I had a bit of a problem for a while and, you know, I think it got long way. Like, I. I wouldn't have built Bloom if I wasn't so intense about it, but I have truly waited to be pregnant for so long that I want to enjoy it and I don't want to be stressed. I want to be able to rest and like enjoy. And I still love doing the podcast. This is my favorite thing that I do and I think we can have some amazing conversations, but I think twice a week was really a lot for me. So we're going down to one. I know you guys will respect that and I'm so appreciative and I want to make sure you guys subscribe so you don't miss anything because I am back. Leave a Review I would also just love to hear your guys's feedback on like your own experience or whatever you've been through. Like I love reading so either DM me, leave a comment on Spotify or on YouTube and I love you guys so much. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sticking around and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye. Thank you for joining us on the Pursuit of Wellness Podcast to support this show. Please rate and review and share with your loved ones. If you want to be reminded of new episodes, click the subscribe button on your preferred podcast or video player. You can sign up for my newsletter to receive my favorites at Mari Lens. It will be linked in the show Notes this podcast is a Pursuit Network production brought to you by Michaela Phillips, Joel Contartese, Daviel Waldner, Jen Lauren and Mackenzie Meisel. You can also watch the full video of each episode on our YouTube channel at Pursuit of Wellness podcast. Love you POW girls and POW boys. I will see you next time. The content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice and does not constitute a provider patient relationship relationship. As always, talk to your doctor or health team.