← Pursuit of Wellness
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Mari Llewellyn
This is the Pursuit of Wellness podcast, and I'm your host, Mari Llewellyn. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another solo episode. Today we are talking Life Update, Fertility Update. It's honestly a great day for me to record because I am fresh off of my first IVF appointment. So I have a lot to fill you guys in on, and I'm really excited to bring you along the journey. Obviously, I've been talking about my fertility journey for about a year at this point. Over a year at this point. And I think something that's brought me a lot of comfort is the fact that me sharing my struggles, my findings, my ups and downs, my lessons I'm learning could be helping you guys on the other end. I really hope it is. And for some reason, I feel like I'm not tentative about oversharing. I feel pretty comfortable talking about this journey, even though I do get unsolicited advice and random dms and sort of, like, negativity around it. I don't care because I do feel like there's a much more positive outcome. The pros outweigh the cons, if that makes sense. And I've been very open about it on my podcast on my TikTok, and my plan is to continue doing that through IVF. I know as someone who has explored it for a while now, I really enjoy hearing about it, learning about it, having resources, and I think the beauty of social media and podcasting is that we can sort of live through someone else's eyes and really get that full experience and have the knowledge before we do it ourselves. So I will be documenting and reporting on this IVF journey, so definitely subscribe to the show if you don't already go to my Tick Tock account. I've been sort of vlogging a ton about my fertility journey and talking about it and doing, like, little vlogs around it. So go check that out as well. So I definitely want to talk to you guys about the appointment today because it's very exciting. And I also want to share things like tools and practices I've been doing for just my mental health and stability through the journey. I know that's by far the most difficult part. I think month to month to month, the most challenging piece of this puzzle has just been the mental anguish, waiting, the negative pregnancy tests, the. Yeah, it's just been, like, pretty painful, honestly. And I think I've gotten a lot more hopeful and positive the past few months, but I've definitely been through some dark periods of time, so I do kind of Want to share with you guys the tools I've been using during that. Today was my first of many IVF appointments, and I'm very, very excited about it. I'm on day three, and, you know, if you're a man or you don't want to hear this, like, tune out now. But I'm on day three of my cycle, and that is the first day they ask you to come in for testing. So we did a blood test. It was very, very fast and easy. I think they were testing FSH and, and AMH and things like that. I also did a blood test last week before my cycle. And then we also did a uterus exam, which kind of confused me. When I first went in, I, like, looked at the nurse and I was like, but I'm on my period. Do we still. Are we still doing that? And she was like, yeah, girl, we see it every day. And I was like, okay, great. So did the uterus exam. It went great. It was interesting hearing his feedback on it because I've obviously had ultrasounds done a bunch of times at this point for iui and I've seen my ovaries and my follicles a bunch. He mentioned that my uterus looked great. He was like, it's a little more curved than usual, which I'm not sure what that means. But he looked at my ovaries. He said they were very healthy. I have a high follicle count. We did see a cyst on the left ovary, which I was really surprised by because as I just said, have had so many ultrasounds done at this point and have never seen a cyst or been told I have a cyst. So I was a little bit surprised. Turns out it's new. And it happened because I took stimulation medication last month. So last month I took the letrozole for iui and what happens is when you take stimulation meds and the egg is released, like you ovulate, it leaves behind assist. So at first I was like, oh, my gosh, are we gonna have to pop this cyst? Like, what is it in the way? Like, what are we gonna have to do? Turns out it just goes away by itself. Thank God. So feeling good about that. And then after our uterus exam, I went into the doctor's office and we basically ran through my entire schedule for the next two months. And honestly, having a day to day schedule and seeing exactly how everything's gonna go the next two months brings me such a sense of peace. I know the exact window that I'm doing My INJ window that I'm not allowed to travel, the appointment days, like, when Greg needs to be there. It honestly is just so nice to have this all laid out, and I'm just really excited about it. So I went through the schedule with him, asked all my questions. The window that I'm doing, my injections, I've been told by other. I know a lot of people who have gone through this, and they've told me that you essentially want to keep that window, like, free of any. Essentially treat it like you're out of the country. Like, don't plan any work. Don't plan any social occasions. Like, really focus on just relaxing and being at home and being healthy, because that will help your chances of healthy eggs, healthy embryos. So I am doing the stimulation meds. And, you know, if you're listening to this on January 9th, I'm recording in advance, but because of all of this. So I probably will be done actually by the time you're listening to this, but I will be doing stimulation injections from December 27 to January 5. So that window of time, I will not be working, which is kind of crazy, and I will pretty much just be at home chilling. And honestly, that window of time couldn't be better because it's the holidays, and we kind of don't have anything in the calendar during that time anyway, so I feel pretty grateful that it landed exactly where it should. My egg retrieval should be. Oh, okay. It should be January 8, which is the day before this comes out. So I may have done it already by this point. If you guys want to go follow my tik tok. It's like, very much live updates. And based on this plan, my egg biopsy or embryo biopsy should be around January 14th. Anyway, you guys don't need to know every single date, but it really is bringing me a lot of peace to know that we have this plan and this will be my focus for the next month or so. 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Each stick has 10 grams of protein, only 55 calories and up to 53% more protein per calorie than grass fed beef. These sticks are made of venison which at first I was nervous about but honestly guys, it doesn't taste gy at all. It's delicious and I love the fact that they are so carefully harvesting these animals in Maui Nui in Hawaii. It really is the healthiest red meat on the planet. It helps balance the axis deer populations for the good of the environment, communities and food system. They also have memberships via their snack subscription that gets you early access to fresh meat and new products when they become available and they only have a limited number of memberships. Maui Nui Venison offers healthy, delicious and ethical meat delivered straight to your door as a special offer for power listeners. You can get 15% off your first order of fresh venison, snacks, broth and their ohana subscription. Just visit Maui nuivenison.com and use promo code PO at checkout supplies are limited by nature, so secure your membership. Now Again, that's Maui nuivenison.com and don't forget to use code PO for 15% off your first order. So, yeah, if any of you have done IVF or you're doing ivf, please go to the comment section, leave a review, like, let me know how your experience was. I was just talking to the girls in the studio and they were like, yeah, everyone's doing IVF right now. It's like trending. It really does feel like IVF has become obviously, we know from conversations we've had on this show. Infertility is becoming such a prevalent issue for people my age because of all the toxins in the environment and the microplastics and the canola oil and all of the things. But that aside, it's so amazing that we have modern medicine and this is an option. Obviously it is a very expensive option. I'm just so grateful that I am in the position where I can do this and I just want to acknowledge that because I know not everyone has this option. So I do, do feel so, so grateful and I hope that I can share with anyone who's interested in doing it and sort of just be really transparent about how I'm feeling. So along with that, just advice for anyone going through fertility right now or struggling with it. I think some of the major tools I've used is number one, sharing. I mean, and that's a personal decision if you want to be private or share. But I think, you know, sharing with people I'm close to and having them be aware of what I'm going through because it has allowed them to sort of give me space when I need it and understand, you know, if I'm not always showing up in the best, best mood. That might be why I think that's been the biggest thing, is that in general I tend to be more positive, bubbly, ready to take everything on. And I think the past few months it's just been so difficult for me that maybe I've felt like I haven't shown up as the best version of me. And that's probably be me being a little bit self critical. But I feel like it's been more difficult for me to like really push myself the way I used to because I've just been so mentally like heavy with this stuff and also on medication and just like not feeling my best. So I think having people you're close to just be aware of it, but also being okay with saying, hey, like I don't really want to talk about it right now or whatever it may be. I also think not putting too much pressure on myself with you know, like exercise and going crazy, I feel like I've been a bit more relaxed and like walking a lot and doing Pilates and not holding myself to this insane standard like I used to has been really helpful. Also I always mention like riding my horse or whatever your hobby is. For me, being around animals, specifically horses and riding brings me like the most insane amount of joy. So prioritizing that for sure, socializing more because I feel like when I'm around other people it helps me be present and get my mind off things. And then another tool that I've mentioned a ton of times is the Superhuman app, which I absolutely love. They have tons of different activations on there and they are activations rather than meditations because you can do them while doing other activities. So you could be cooking, you could be walking, working out, getting ready for the day and it's basically just a really positive flow. It's Mimi herself talking most of the time with like beautiful music behind it. They even have a positive pregnancy activation which I think would be really good if you're pregnant or just trying to get pregnant. So that has been such a great tool. I generally use it when I'm on a walk with Arnold or sitting in front of my red light. Therapy just sort of like habit stacking and getting myself in a positive and hopeful mindset. They actually do have a 14 day free trial if you go to the link activations.com pow pow. And we still have a 60 off code. So make sure you go through the website and not through the app store if you want the discount with code pow. And yeah, those have been some really helpful tools for me along the way. And now I want to hop into a Q A. I asked you guys for some questions and I feel like it's a good time because a lot of you were going through IVF or fertility or whatever it may be. So let's see what we got. I just posted it five minutes ago so hopefully we have some good questions. Are your chicken eggs better than your past experiences with other eggs sensitivity wise? Honestly, yes, because I used to break out from eggs really bad when I got them from the store and now that I eat my own chicken eggs, I really have not noticed any breakouts from them. So I think there's something to that personally cuz I control what they eat every day, I make sure they get enough protein, they graze on the grass, anything you're doing to prep your body for ivf? Yes. I'm taking all the certain supplements that I want to be taking before, like a prenatal, like fish oil. I'll probably, like, do some research and introduce some more. I also want to be doing red light therapy, like on the uterus area. I've done that before. I'm going to start doing that more. Sleeping enough, I think managing stress, preparing my calendar, like clearing out any travel or like, work stuff that's going to stress me out, preparing for the medication and like having an area of my bathroom just dedicated to that and organizing it and making it easy for myself. I'm kind of asking around people I know for advice because I know a lot of people who've gone through it. And I do know that I'm not allowed to exercise for like two to three weeks at one point or ride my horse, which is, I think, going to be the hardest part for me. But we'll get through it. What made you decide to go for IVF? I'm 10 months into trying to conceive, so I am about a year, over a year into trying to conceive. And I think, how do I explain? I feel like I was mentally avoiding IVF for a while because I know it can be really hard on the body and I was nervous about it. And just for context, for anyone who doesn't know, Greg and I have both done every single test you can possibly do and everything's normal and healthy. So it's kind of unexplained at this point. And, you know, Greg is also on some fertility medication and there's just been a lot of things we've had to do to put ourselves in the right place for this. And I think I'm at the point where I don't ever really want to go through this again because it has mentally just taken up so much of my time. In a way, I feel like I kind of put my life on hold because I felt like, oh, what if I'm pregnant that month or what if this and what if that? And I put off travel and it kind of has felt like my life is on freeze and I'm just ready to move forward. And I think the idea of having embryos on ice and essentially being set up for kids for the next few years, like, really is a good plan for me and makes me feel like I'm never gonna have to go through this again, if that makes sense. And I think Greg and I are both just sort of mentally exhausted at this point point and this feels right for us. And when I sat down with the doctor for the first time, he was like, if you feel stressed and overwhelmed by what I'm telling you right now, it's probably not a good time. If you feel excited, then it's the the right time. And I felt nothing but excitement. So to me that means it's the right. 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Quip360 is scientifically proven to remove up to 11 times more plaque between teeth compared to a manual toothbrush and provide up to two times more whitening on day one. If you don't absolutely love your Quip360, return it for free within 30 days. If you do love it, brush easy knowing you get free limited warranty for purchasing a quip on getquip.com free your mouth with quip and discover the 250005 star reviews and mouths already loving quip. Just for listeners of the Pursuit of Wellness. Get 20 off site wide in a free travel case and countertop stand at getquip q-u I p.com pow. Free your mouth today and save 20 off site wide plus a free travel case and countertop stand at get quip quip.com po getquip quip.com po how many horses do you have? I have one horse named Red. I would like to have 10, but for now I have one I actually really want to get okay. I really want to get a husband horse, like a really chill ranch trail horse that Greg can go on or my friends can go on. And I really want a mini horse, like a mini pony because I think they're good companions for the other horses and I would like for my future child to be able to ride the pony. And obviously for selfish reasons, I just want a mini pony. What is the hardest thing about being so present online? I think hardest thing about being online is and I've gotten a lot thicker skin. I mean, I've been doing this since 2017 and I used to be like super sensitive about everything I think. Like me in real life. Like, I am a pretty sensitive person. Like I'm very overly aware of like how other people feel or are they talking badly about me or just like that is my personality. So if I and I'm very good about not looking myself up. I don't go on Reddit. Like I don't do any of that toxic stuff. If I see my name ever pop up, I just, I like scroll right past it. Like I don't want to know. But I think just having people be like, really overly like invested in my life, like screenshotting things I do and sending it to other people. Or I get DMS that are clearly like meaning to send my story to their friend, but they accidentally respond to me and I see it. Or just like tons of opinions about everything I'm doing and tons of questions and you know, like personal relationships in my life and people like coming up with their own narrative about how things are when really they're the complete opposite. And me not being able to say anything. Like I just feel like anytime I say something it could get taken out of context or whatever it may be. I think just the idea that people might have the wrong idea about me or come up with their own story, I think Is difficult for me, but I honestly don't spend too much time thinking about it because then I'll get upset. What happened with the interior design group and your house? Okay. I'm trying to decide if I want to get into this, I'm gonna get into it. So the tea with my house is. And I really don't want to bash the interior designer who did it because I really like him. I think he is a great guy. We had a great relationship. And I'm really not the kind of person I hate when I see influencers, like, bash companies online. I'm like, dude, if you had a poor experience, like, talk about it with your friends like a normal person, like, you don't have to ruin this company's reputation on the Internet. And I'm. For that reason, I am not going to say the name of this person or the group I was working with. But basically, I'm very busy. I'm not good at interior design. I knew the vibe I wanted. I've worked with a designer before in la, and so I went through the same agency that I used in LA for this house in Texas, and I started working with this person. And they live in New York, so out of state, which was probably my first mistake. And I said, this is the vibe I want, but please, like, make sure it works in this house. Because the house I live in is pretty contemporary. Big windows, like kind of a modern vibe. And I tend to be a bit more, like, I like Ralph Lauren. I like a bit more traditional, like, equestrian vibes. We work together, and obviously I'm very busy, so I would just hop on meetings, like, once a week, kind of review his ideas, approve things, and it was going well. I was a bit nervous because interior designers, like, the standard of, like, the price for each thing is just so crazy. The amount of money expected to be spent that I was like, yeah, like, I'm getting a bit nervous about budget, whatever. This designer wanted to keep everything in storage until one big move in day, to kind of have like one big reveal, I guess. So all of the pieces went into storage for months. And then we did one big move in day, and I was there for the move in day. And as things were getting moved in, I was like, I'm just not obsessed. Like, things just kept getting moved in. And I was really, like, very excited to finally have furniture. Really looking forward to it. And I just had this feeling of, like, it doesn't look right. And I even said to the designer in person, like, I was pointing things out and just Saying, I feel like this doesn't work. Like, I feel like I just wasn't excited about it. And I was like, maybe I'm just having some shock factor. Like, maybe I need to live with it for a couple weeks. So I live with it for a couple weeks and just every day I was like, I really, I just think it looks wrong and it doesn't look like me. It looks too old, it looks dark. Like it just isn't working in the house. And I felt really guilty about it. So finally I just said something to the agency, to the designer. I was like, look, like, I don't love how this is looking. And we've spent, I mean, we went way over budget, like an exuberant amount of money on this stuff. And the fact that I'm not obsessed with it, I think is a problem. And I. I feel really bad having this conversation, but I would just love some help. And also, keep in mind, I was having friends come over and give me their opinion. And every single person that came to my house was like, it looks wrong. And there's like a ton of mistakes happening. I mean, that's something I didn't mention. There was like, the bed. We had a custom bed built. It was the wrong size. I didn't even fit in the bed lights were done wrong. Like, colors were wrong. It just looked wrong. And everyone was telling me, like, you need to say something. So I did. And basically the design firm said, yeah, we're, we can't help you. Like, it's past the return window. Like, you need to sell everything yourself. The only reason it was past the return window was because everything was kept in storage as per their request for months. So basically, I got completely screwed and now I'm in the position where I am trying to sell things and do it myself. And by the way, if you're interested in buying any of the furniture, it's all gorgeous stuff. It just looks wrong. In my modern house, basically, it's on my Instagram stories if you want to go check. I have a highlight. Anyway. Now I am too scared to hire another designer because I don't want to spend a ton more money and I'm just trying to do it myself. So, yeah, I kind of been spiraling about that for weeks. It's been quite a big issue in my life. So that is the tea on the house. Top three tips for 20 year olds on professional development. I'm trying to think back to when I was 20. Probably not a great example because I wasn't as high achieving as I am now, but I think looking at people you admire, also being down to take a risk and being down for change, because I think when you're in your young 20s, you don't have much to lose. You have space to just try things and see if they work. Like, try as much as you can. Because even if you try something and you're like, this isn't for me, that is valuable information as well. And if you try something and absolutely love it, great, you're one step closer to doing something that you really, really like. I also just think we're in a. In a time where you can really turn anything into a career with social media, like, whatever your passion is, there is space for you to grow in that niche. So really put yourself out there. I mean, when I was in my young 20s, I did a ton of internships, I tried a million things. I really always liked working. I didn't love being in school, I liked being like, out doing things and, yeah, just put your best foot forward, try your hardest, ask a lot of questions. Yeah, I hope that was helpful. Are you pregnant? No, apparently not. How do you balance seeing your family and Greg's family during the holidays? My family is quite spread out, so my dad actually doesn't even really live in America anymore. He retired from the UN and now he kind of hops around. He's in Singapore right now. His wife is Swiss, so he spends a lot of time in Switzerland. He has an apartment there and then I think he's doing sometime in New York, but he technically is kind of a nomad, so I can't really spend the holiday with my dad anyway. And then my mom and sister live on the east coast and they spent it with my sister's boyfriend's family, so. And my family is kind of like international. They go to the UK with my granny for Christmas and stuff. So generally I'm with Greg's family for the holidays, unless, like, unique circumstances like my mum visited me a couple years ago. Thoughts on the sauna While trying to conceive, My research has come up with conflicting information. Great question. I feel the same way. What I do know is I think the sauna is better than the cold plunge. While trying to conceive, I feel like doing the sauna to an extreme level. And doing it every day probably isn't the best while trying to conceive, but doing it every once in a while I think is fine. Cold plunge is very, very stressful on the body. And I know in Chinese medicine they say to keep the womb warm Essentially and eat like a lot of warming foods and stuff. So I definitely stopped doing the cold plunge as much as I was. I actually don't even do it anymore. So I would keep that in mind. I keep seeing ads for non toxic athletic wear. Is this really an issue with BPA and plastics? Yes. A lot of leggings are made with bpa, which is crazy because obviously you're wearing it like in very intimate areas. Go back and listen to my episode with Darren Olean if you're interested in toxic products. That's a very interesting. I mean, I don't know how to avoid it either. I'm wearing leggings right now that probably have BPAs. So, yeah, that's like a very interesting issue. I feel like. Have you done any plastic surgery? Would you consider that? I have not. I've done Botox and I've done a little bit of lip filler, but I've never done plastic surgery. Would I consider it? I mean, maybe in the future. But I'm also really afraid of going under anesthesia, so that would probably hold me back. But possibly when I'm done having kids, I don't know. I'm honestly more focused on getting like laser for my acne scarring. I'm so excited for you to go to the nfr. Me too. So for anyone who doesn't know, the NFR is the biggest rodeo of the year in Vegas. I'm going this coming weekend, actually Friday to Monday. And I'm so, so excited. Vegas is essentially just becomes like cowboy country. And the casino is called Cowboy Christmas and there are booths from every single western brand. I need to get a saddle. So I'm going to be buying a saddle at the NFR for red. I need a different saddle. And then we're going to the rodeo on Saturday night. Bloom is actually sponsoring some of the nfr. We're partnered with Teton Ridge, so we are sponsoring the viewing party, the after party, handing out energy drinks. Our logo is on the leather jacket that all the competitors are wearing. And I actually saw a picture yesterday of Snoop Dogg wearing it and I, like, just about lost my mind. So that was cool. And yeah, it's just like obviously something I'm very passionate about that we get to partake in, which I'm so excited for. I'm about to start IVF in January. Wishing you all the good luck and good vibes. You too, babe. You too. Did you always know Greg was the one? Yeah. I mean, from the second I met Greg, we were like besties, hung out every day. Definitely knew he'd be in my life for, like, a very long time. And I think we just grew so much together. Like, when we met, we were both, like, just so young in such disasters. And we grew together and learned, like, just learned so much. And I think we hold each other to a high standard. Like, we're always trying to do better. So, yeah, I feel like I've gotten. Fallen more in love with him the longer I've known him and, like, gotten stronger with him. So I think, like, knowing someone was the one is, like, sometimes you don't know until you, like, grow together. I think sometimes that's, like, a sort of unrealistic expectation. I think I'll cut the Q and A there, guys. Thank you so much for tuning in today's solo. Let me know what you thought. If you haven't followed or subscribed, make sure you do that. Leave a review and I'll see you in the next one. Bye. The content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice and does not constitute a provider patient relationship. As always, talk to your doctor or health team.