Radiolab – "Hard Knock Life"

Original Air Date: February 12, 2016
Hosts: Robert Krulwich, Molly Webster
Featured Guests: David Goulson, Freestyle Love Supreme (with Lin-Manuel Miranda, Utkarsh Ambudkar, Tommy Kail)

Episode Overview

This playful and poignant Radiolab episode, "Hard Knock Life," explores the curious and surprisingly tragic love lives of deathwatch beetles—a tiny insect whose mating ritual involves headbutting wood to send out love calls that might go entirely unanswered. The show weaves together biology, history, and musical comedy, culminating in a hip-hop musical retelling of beetle romance with the cast of Hamilton.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Deathwatch Beetle: Nature's Misunderstood Drummer

[02:12–04:07]

• Professor David Goulson introduces the legend of the "deathwatch beetle," historically associated with superstitious fears about death due to the tapping sounds heard in old, quiet houses—sounds people once attributed to the devil, but which are, in fact, beetle courtship.

  • Quote:
    “Legend has it that this was the devil drumming his fingers impatiently, waiting for the soul to depart the body...But turns out, actually, it’s the mating call of a tiny little beetle. The deathwatch beetle. That’s where it gets its name.”
    — David Goulson [03:08]

• Goulson, a professor of biology with personal experience living among beetles, explores how the “drumming” is a unique love call in the insect world, performed by beetle headbutting.

2. The Beetle Life Cycle: A Hard and Lonely Road

[04:34–06:22]

• The beetle life cycle is harsh: larvae live in total darkness for 10–15 years, chewing through wood before finally emerging as adults with a single, urgent mission—to mate before dying of starvation or old age.
  • “You imagine this little thing, pitch black, you know, in its own little tunnel, on its own. And it starts chewing...very, very slowly. And eventually about 10 or 15 years later...”
    — David Goulson [04:50]

3. The Mating Game: Blind, Starving, and Desperate

[06:16–10:19]

• When the adult beetles emerge, they are nearly blind, unable to feed, and have only a few weeks to find a mate.

  • Males drum their heads on timber to send out a “hello,” hoping for a female's reply. If none comes, they keep wandering, often dying alone.

  • The episode emphasizes the sheer unlikelihood of successful mating, especially in modern times due to pesticide use and human interference.

  • The female’s life is just as difficult: if no mate responds, she too dies alone after weeks of waiting.

  • Quote:
    "So he just keeps wandering about, banging his head, and then he pauses for a second, kind of listening to see if anyone replies. And if there’s no reply, he wanders on."
    — David Goulson [07:28]

4. When the Drumming Pays Off: Beetle Courtship and Selection

[08:28–10:25]

• If a male and female finally make contact, a rhythmic duet begins with both beetles drumming. Mating still isn’t guaranteed—the female remains choosy and may reject even the only available male.

  • Quote:
    “The females wouldn’t mate even though, you know, they’d maybe been sitting there for days waiting for a partner to come along. And then when one finally does...they’re not interested.”
    — David Goulson [10:03]

• The female's choice appears to favor heavier males, who produce more sperm (sometimes upwards of 13% of their body weight).

  • Memorable moment:
    “If that were us...we were talking about three or four gallons...it’s best not to think about that too much really. But. Cause that’s just so gross.”
    — David Goulson [11:00]

• Goulson experimented with adding sticky tack (Blu Tack) to lighter males, finding they became more successful—suggesting females may select by weight, or what comes with it.

5. Bittersweet Endings and Unexpected Affection

[12:28–13:08]

• Goulson expresses a fondness for his beetle housemates, grappling with whether to remove them or simply enjoy their seasonal tapping.

  • Quote:
    “It’s funny, isn’t it, that people thought this was a sinister noise and actually, it’s all about love.”
    — David Goulson [13:08]

• Hosts reflect on how the beetles’ grim odds make modern dating look easy by comparison.

  • Quote:
    “It made me think that dating in New York was pretty easy all right.”
    — Molly Webster [13:52]

Main Segment Timestamps

• [02:12–04:07]: Legend and biology of the deathwatch beetle
• [04:34–06:22]: Beetle lifecycle and emergence
• [06:16–08:09]: Mating strategies and struggles
• [08:28–11:16]: Female choice and the importance of male size
• [12:28–13:08]: Goulson's relationship to the beetles
• [18:32–22:59]: The musical reinterpretation (see below)

Memorable Musical Moments: "Deathwatch Beetle – The Musical"

[18:32–23:12]

• Freestyle Love Supreme, including Lin-Manuel Miranda (as the female beetle) and Utkarsh Ambudkar (as the male beetle), transform the story into a humorous, hip-hop performance, capturing the awkward yearning, disappointment, and brief triumph of beetle mating season.

Standout Musical Quotes

• Utkarsh Ambudkar / Male Beetle:
  “Hey, ladies, I said the wait is over. Get ready for the beautiful beat to Casanova. He is I and I am him, the most masculine beetle by the name of Slim...I guarantee I’m your chosen but can you remind me which end it goes in?”
  [19:47–20:34]

• Lin-Manuel Miranda / Female Beetle:
  “But when you hear that knocking and it’s a sound so rare...Is there a heavier beetle somewhere, somebody’s knocking. But I am a beetle worth waiting for.”
  [20:45–21:28]

• Finale ("Valentine's Tale")
  “I agree, it’d be easier with Tinder, but let me loose inside your caboose so I could give you some of my beetle juice.”
  — Utkarsh Ambudkar [22:17–22:40]

  (with Lin-Manuel echoing “Somebody’s knocking” in a comedic, longing tone)

Notable Quotes & Speaker Attributions

• David Goulson (on the beetle’s drumming):
  "But turns out, actually it’s the mating call of a tiny little beetle. The deathwatch beetle. That’s where it gets its name." [03:08]

• Robert Krulwich:
  "So he comes out of his hole, just wanders about and does his little drumming noise." [06:56]

• Molly Webster:
  "It made me think that dating in New York was pretty easy all right." [13:52]

• Lin-Manuel Miranda (as female beetle):
  "Somebody's knocking, baby is this a mate worth waiting for?" [20:45]

Tone & Style

The episode balances scientific curiosity and empathy with a playful, often wry tone. The musical segment leans into comedy and wordplay, spotlighting the absurdity and universality of longing—even for a beetle.

Conclusion

The story of the deathwatch beetle, as told by Goulson, Krulwich, and Webster—and then re-imagined by Broadway talent—serves as both fascinating natural history and winking commentary on the trials of courtship. What sounds like a sinister omen becomes, thanks to Radiolab’s inventive storytelling and sound design, a touching (and hilarious) parable about love’s struggles for even the smallest among us.