Should We Wait to Get Married So My Girlfriend Can Keep Her Benefits?

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: Ramsey Everyday Millionaires
Episode Title: Should We Wait to Get Married So My Girlfriend Can Keep Her Benefits?
Date: January 30, 2026
Hosts: Dave Ramsey, Ken Coleman
Caller: Max from San Antonio

Main Theme:
This episode centers around a listener, Max, who seeks advice on whether to wait to marry his longtime girlfriend so she can retain her late husband’s Social Security survivor benefits. Dave and Ken dive into the emotional, spiritual, and financial factors surrounding marriage, weighing the importance of lifetime companionship against the monetary implications of delaying or foregoing marriage for financial benefits.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Max’s Situation: The Dilemma (00:09–01:40)

• Max (58) has been dating a woman (57), a widow who receives significant Social Security benefits ($4,000/month) from her late husband.
• If they marry before she turns 60, she will lose these survivor benefits.
• Both have considerable assets:
  • Max: $1 million in retirement, no debt, paid-off home ($400K), $150K/year income.
  • Girlfriend: $600K assets, living off investments.
• They’ve discussed marriage with their families and stepchildren, and the relationship is strong and loving.

Quote [01:13]:
"If we get married before she is 60, she loses all of her surviving spouse Social Security benefits...I was just wondering if it was worth it to get married now and forego that potential $4,000 a month for the rest of her life."
— Max

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Dave Ramsey’s Response: Value Beyond Money (02:03–03:40)

• Dave’s perspective: The emotional and spiritual value of marriage outweighs the financial benefit of the survivor benefit.
• He frames the decision as one of life values—“joy of a lifetime companion”—versus a “math nerd” calculation.
• Emphasizes that with a combined $2.5M net worth and good income, $48,000/year is “just a minor thing.”

Notable Quote [02:24]:
"For me, the joy of a lifetime companion that I'm in love with supersedes 48 grand a year...for me that's called marriage."
— Dave Ramsey

Quote [03:48]:
"You got two and a half million dollars to retire off of. I think you're going to be all right."
— Dave Ramsey

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Money vs. Relationship: The Real Question (03:40–05:15)

• Max raises concerns about sustaining their expected lifestyle and needing enough net income after fees and taxes.
• The hosts observe that Max is framing his answer in financial terms, implying he is looking for an excuse to delay marriage despite wanting to go through with it emotionally.

Notable Exchange [04:16]:
Ken: "Which way were you leaning before you called us?"
Dave: "Obviously, he didn’t want to marry her."
Max: "Oh no, I do want. Absolutely."
Dave: "All you did, you answered my question with numbers telling me why you shouldn't do it. That tells me what you want to do."

• Dave reiterates marriage has emotional, spiritual, and even financial advantages beyond the immediate Social Security benefit.

Quote [05:01]:
"If I were 57 and had met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, there’s no way I’m letting her freaking get away over some math nerd stuff with my financial planner."
— Dave Ramsey

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Broader Perspective: Financial & Life Benefits of Marriage (05:15–08:36)

• Ken reframes: The core issue is about money because the couple is likely already cohabitating (“reading between the lines”), but the hosts’ stance is about both faith/values and practicality.
• Dave and Ken reference studies showing marriage’s financial and lifespan advantages:
  • Married 35-year-olds have 13 times the net worth of unmarried peers.
  • Married men live an average of 9 years longer; married women, 4 years longer.
  • Married men have significantly higher incomes.

Quote [06:48]:
"A 35-year-old that is married has 13 times the net worth of an unmarried 35-year-old...married men live nine years longer on average."
— Dave Ramsey

Quote [08:36]:
Ken: "The reason that [women] live longer...it's because they have more purpose in continually trying to take care of us—and raise us. The maternal instinct of a married woman remains strong even after their children leave because they're taking care of us."

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Lighter Moments and Wrap-Up (07:35–08:13)

• Banter about healthier habits, wives keeping husbands alive, and playful speculation about why married women live longer.
• The discussion closes with laughter and agreement on the intangible rewards of committed partnership.

Memorable Line [08:57]:
Dave: "They have purpose there. They have purpose."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [02:24] Dave Ramsey: "For me, the joy of a lifetime companion that I'm in love with supersedes 48 grand a year...for me that's called marriage."
• [04:21] Dave Ramsey: "All you did, you answered my question with numbers telling me why you shouldn't do it. That tells me what you want to do."
• [05:01] Dave Ramsey: "There’s no way I’m letting her freaking get away over some math nerd stuff with my financial planner."
• [06:48] Dave Ramsey: "A 35-year-old that is married has 13 times the net worth of an unmarried 35-year-old...married men live nine years longer on average."
• [08:36] Ken Coleman: "The maternal instinct of a married woman remains strong even after their children leave because they're taking care of us. I think that's what it is. I'm going to stick to that."
• [08:59] Dave Ramsey: "You're probably on to something."
• [09:03] Max: "I love it."

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Key Takeaways

• Emotional and spiritual fulfillment in marriage should not be undervalued or traded for financial calculations, especially when the couple is already financially secure.
• Married couples tend to have substantially higher net worth and live longer, healthier lives—a benefit supported by data as discussed by the hosts.
• Financial decisions in relationships often reflect deeper personal values; it’s important to honestly assess motivations beyond the math.
• Faith, commitment, and lifelong companionship are prioritized over optimizing for benefits, aligning with the Ramsey Network’s values.

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Transcript

[A]

Foreign.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by Smartvestor. Connect with an investing pro near you.

[A]

At ramseysolutions.com Smartvestor Max is in San Antonio. Hey Max, what's up?

[C]

Hey, thanks for having me on. Long time listener.

[A]

Thank you, sir. How can we help?

[C]

Well, I'm 58 years old. I've been divorced now for little over five years and I've been dating a lady who is 57 and she is a surviving widow. She was if we get married before we're sick, before she is 60, she uses all of her loses all of her surviving spouse Social Security benefits. And he was a big contributor up until he was about 58 years old. So she would receive the Max and I've heard your conversations today with people about getting married and how the chances are divorce if you don't get married within a certain point of time. We've been dating now for a little over two years and I was just wondering if it was worth it to get married now and forego that potential $4,000 a month for the rest of her life.

[A]

What's your household income or what's your income?

[C]

I'm sorry, my income is about 150,000 a year.

[A]

And what's her income?

[C]

Her income is just living off of what she she got. She's down to little over 600,000.

[A]

Okay, what's your nest egg?

[C]

My nest egg is recovered to just a little over a million in my retirement account and I have no debt and have a paid for house. It's a little house here in Texas worth about 400,000.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Have you all been discussing marriage prior to this, this thought pattern here?

[A]

Sure.

[C]

Yes, sir. We've been dating for a little over two years and fell in love immediately and been talking to both of our parents about it and both of our family, she's got two step kids and I have two skeptical, of course. They're all grown, everybody loves each other and doing great.

[A]

That's good. But okay, I'll tell you, you ask, you ask a question and I'll give you a straight answer the, the way I try to do stuff. And Max, you said you're a longtime listener, so you know this. I try to put my, I've never been in your situation. I'm 65, so we're fairly close in age. But if I try to put myself in your position, what would I do if I were in your shoes? And for me, the joy of a lifetime companion that I'm in love with supersedes 48 grand a year and for me, that's called marriage. I'm a person of faith and that's called marriage. And I don't have any confusion about that at all in my mind or in my spirit, either one for me. I don't want to look at her dad in the eyes unless I'm saying this is my wife for me. And I can't make that be for you. You've got to decide that. You guys are, you know, you're going to have a net worth of two and a half million dollars or more and a really good household income. And you don't have to have the 48,000. It's just a minor thing. And so for me, it's just for 50 grand. What can I buy? I can buy a marriage license and 50 grand a year. But. But, you know.

[C]

Well, we're trying to take that into account to where we need to retire both, you know, since we just found each other late, we're trying to figure that into retirement.

[A]

You got two and a half million dollars to retire off of. I think you're going to be all right.

[C]

Well, the way we figure that out too is, is it's not necessarily the, the 220,000 a year. It's, of course, the broker has to take a fee of 1% and then it's taxed and we'd have to get our. Have to get our income up pretty good to have net of what we feel like we'd like to be able to enjoy.

[B]

Which way were you. Which way were you leaning before you called us?

[A]

Obviously, he didn't want to marry her. Yeah.

[B]

I'm just curious.

[C]

Oh, no, I do want. Absolutely.

[A]

I mean, all you did, you answered my question with numbers telling me why you shouldn't do it. And that tells me what you want to do. So, I mean, you do what you want to do. I'm not mad at you either way, we'll still be friends. But I personally, I just see a tremendous spiritual, relational, emotional and even financial value in being married more than 48 grand a year. I just do. I just think it's valuable. And if I were 57 and had met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, there's no way I'm letting her freaking get away over some math nerd stuff with my financial planner, you know, trying to figure out, well, I gotta pay him 1%. Who gives a crap? If you don't pay him 1%, don't pay him, but don't lose her either.

[B]

Well, I think it's really clear for our audience to understand how we view marriage. And no judgment here, but my guess is that they're living together. And so when you've already made that decision. We're living together, fell in love with her early. They've been dating two years. I'm reading between the lines. It's probably what's going on. So therefore this is all about a money question. And we're coming at this not from a money answer, not in the situation. It's just the way we see things. So.

[A]

Yeah, but here's, here's the other thing. It is, it does end up being a money thing. Especially maybe not in his situation exactly, but as much, but in. When I'm talking these 24 year olds and whatever. And we've been, we've been living together for four years. Yeah, great. Okay. But all the data says when you're 46, that, that you missed out on hundreds of thousands of dollars.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

For that 24 year old. Okay, so it is math too. And I've got to think that the marriage advantage plays into this situation. Although I can't put my finger on exactly where it will. But I'm thinking it's 50 grand a year easy. The working together, the combining of forces, the combining of how we're going to get at this. I think it has a monetary value that would not be my motivation to your point though.

[B]

That's all I'm saying. I agree.

[A]

It's not the driving decision.

[B]

We just happen to have a position that the money plays out as well. In other words, we think this is a moral decision that also has money implications if in the positive. And it's not our opinion. By the way, Dave's right. There are tons of studies. In fact, there's probably a new one that comes out every year about the financial advantages of being married.

[A]

Yeah, the 35 year old as an example. It's not Max's situation again, but the 35 year old that is married has 13 times the net worth of an unmarried 35 year old. There it is. That means shacked up and that means single and that means divorced and that means widowed. It could be anything but an unmarried 35 year old has 13 times less money on average. In America it's a huge advantage. Married men live nine years longer on average than unmarried men. Deloney thinks it's cause wives keep us from doing stupid stuff.

[B]

There's no question. I don't think that's the singular issue, but clearly a key issue.

[A]

You're gonna ate. Yes, I'm going to eat that.

[B]

It's really.

[A]

And I'm going to have two of.

[B]

Them or this is the one that I get a lot. You're going to try that. Are you aware of how old you are? You know, it's like the thing that could cause a lot of bodily harm which might begin the downfall.

[A]

That's an actual number. And married ladies only live four years longer than unmarried ladies. So it extends male.

[B]

What is it that we do for women? Let's. Let's. Let's get something. A score for the men here.

[A]

How do we do that?

[B]

Allows women to live longer.

[A]

I. What do you suspect? I. I don't have it. On our higher net worth.

[B]

I couldn't either.

[A]

So. Yeah.

[B]

Oh man.

[A]

That's Deloney's take on it. I don't know. I mean. But seriously, there's all this data on your. Your, your not only your in incomes. Married men's incomes are way higher than unmarried men's incomes way higher. And I suspect that's because there's a lash on their back. I don't know.

[B]

I got it, Dave. It just came to me. The reason that married years longer, if I got that right, it's because they have more purpose in continually trying to take care of us and raise us. The maternal instinct of a married woman remains strong even after their children leave because they're taking care of us. I think that's what it is. I'm going to stick to that.

[A]

They have purpose there. They have purpose.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

You're probably on to something.

[C]

I love it.